Psychology 409b Outline

Outline 9

What’s with Men Anyway?

By Bao Mien Lau

The Lazy Husband by Joshua Coleman.  St. Martin’s Press.  Pages 151-181

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I.  Challenges faced by Men

            A.  Success as a Status marker

                        1.  A mediocre father who is a millionaire will have more respect than a great father who does not earn as much.

                                    a.  Due to society’s view.

                                    b.  Can see this in the workplace

                                                i.  Not many men want to put their families first

                                                ii.  Sometimes men are penalized when they value their families

            B.  Empathy

                        1.  It is stereotyped that men do not have as much feelings or empathy

                        2.  According to Coleman, studies show that young girls are superior in understanding feelings than young boys by age 3

                                    a. could be due to parenting

                        3.  Stereotyping that men do not have as much feelings is also due to socializations

                        4.  This is not true according to the Unity Model of Marriage.

                                    a. Men feel as much as women do.

II.  The differences in Men and Women

            A.  Biology

                        1.  Attitude towards parenting

                                    a.  Women’s attitude toward parenting may stem from evolutionary differences.

                                                i.  Women have only one egg to fertilize.

                                                ii.  They have to carry the child for 9 months

                                    b.  From an evolutionary perspective, men do not contribute much

                                                i.  Only need to donate sperm. 

            B.  Do men care less about parenting?

                        1.  Anthropologists believe that men’s lower investment in their children also stems from ancient roots

                                    a.  Females are sure of their maternity, males can only guess

                        2.  In the Aka’s of Africa, women spend an unusual time with their husband.

                                    a.  This resulted in the husband investing more in their child. 

            C.  How men and women are different, again.

                        1.  Men are vulnerable to any hint of subordinance.

                                    a.  Men do not want to obey a wife’s “orders”

                                    b.  Men will often not do chores after being ask to do so

                                                1.  they feel they can control when they want to do it

III.   How to Communicate in marriage 

            A.  Women have a hard time in conversing with men

                        1.  Women expect men to reciprocate what they did

                        2.  Women have an easier time talking to women

                                    a.  The other woman will reciprocate what the other one did

            B.  Listening

                        1.  Women feel that men do not pay attention when they converse

                                    a.  Due to men not making eye contact

                                    b.  Women make more eye contact when conversing

            C.  Ask for help, do not tell

                        1.  Men and women misunderstand each other a lot

                                    a.  Woman wants man to listen, man gives advice instead

                        2.  Easier to request help from a man rather then to demand

                                    a.  husband does not want to look like a wimp

                                    b.  By requesting help, the husband will still feel “manly”

Related Links

I chose this first website because it discusses communication styles of men and women.  There is also references to Tannen’s research.  Coleman’s book contains many of Tannen’s ideas and I thought this was interesting.

http://homestar.org/bryannan/tannen.html

This second website is a review on two of Coleman’s books, The Lazy Husband and The Marriage Makeover.  I thought this would be helpful for people who have never heard of his books.  They can review other peoples thoughts on his ideas. 

http://homestar.org/bryannan/tannen.html

I felt this final website was important because it contains the information we learned in class dealing with marriage and relationship.  For those that would like to look to other ways to help deal with problems, this is a very helpful site.

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm

My Home Page:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/lau/lau-home.htm

Class Home Page:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm