Psychology 409b- February 17, 2006
Outline of Levels of Unity in Marriage
By Andrea Montague
Dr. James, Leon; Dr. Nahl, Diane, The Unity Model of Marriage, University of Hawaii, 2006, section 3 www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm
Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
1. The Conjoint Self
a. A married couple who have united at all the levels of the threefold self, including the sensorimotor, cognitive, and the affective states of a person, the couple is said to be conjoined. When this state is achieved, the originally independent selves settle into the background, making room for the new “conjoint selves”.
b. In order to achieve this state of the “conjoint self”, a man and a woman must sacrifice some of their former traits or beliefs and add new ones which fit better with that of the partners. In this way, the couple will find ways to fit together in the three levels of the threefold self.
c. It is not easy to become the “conjoint self” and achieve a unity marriage. It takes years of effort and devotion on both the wife and the husband’s part. They have to go through the levels of marriage amd develop together.
2. First Level of Unity- sensorimotor
a. Sensorimotor reciprocity is the first stage of unity, or the “conjoint self”, in which the husband and wife come together by doing sensorimotor or external activities together.
b. During this stage, there is usually less understanding about what the other person is thinking or feeling.
c. On the outside, the two may appear to be reciprocal and in peace with eachother, but it does not mean that their cognitive and affective selves are similar or in agreement. Furthermore, the disagreement becomes visible when there is a fight, although it then recedes again when the fight is over.
3. Second Level of Unity- cognitive
a. This level of unity involves cognitive reciprocity and is much harder to achieve than the sensorimotor, but when it is achieved, the wife and the husband will be able to enjoy a much deeper understanding and love. The cognitive aspect of a person is such things as knowledge or information that they have, as well as more personal things as personal philosophy and religious beliefs.
b. Cognitive reciprocity can be achieved in many ways. The example that Dr. James gave in the lecture notes was a couple working together to raise their children as well as working on tasks to keep their home together.
c. There are gender differences that exist when it comes to achieving cognitive reciprocity in marriage. It is easier for women because they are usually more willing to do so by nature. On the other hand, men have a harder time because they like to keep their cognitive independence.
3. Third Level of Unity- affective
a. This level involves a person’s feelings, motivations, and dreams, as well as what they love, or feelings of love. This level is based on the idea of eternal unity.
b. In order to achieve affective reciprocity, the couple must abandon any beliefs, feelings, or goals which would prevent them from conjoining. The idea of retaining independence must not operate in their minds, since this is the very thought that would prevent unity. No part of the wife or the husband may exclude the other in any way.
4. What I think
a. It was really interesting for me to find out that there are different levels of unity between partners.
b. With each description, I can see the very same thing in my own relationships with people.
c. I was able to see why it is the hardest yet also so important for a couple to achieve affective reciprocity
Related Links:
1. http://www.geocities.com/brianhart.geo/marriage.html - This site explores some of the ways in which a lasting marriage is achieved. They go through such ideas as commitment, integrity, and caring for one another. I picked this site because although it is not necessarily from the same idea, the focus on keeping the marriage together and caring for one another are similar to the Unity Model of Marriage.
2. http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/2052/genddiff.html - I chose this site because it discusses some very important issues about communication differences in men and women. I believe this to be relevant because communication is very important in coming together and understanding the other person. It is also related to cognitive reciprocity because, in order to achieve that, there must be a sharing of thoughts and ideas.
3. http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=151 - I think this site is really interesting because it explains the many differences in men and women. They not only go into the psychological differences, but also the social differences. It allows us to examine the differences between men and women in depth.
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/montague/
Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm