Psychology 409b  February 20, 2006

Oral 3 Outline

By Andrea Montague

Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James

A.  Dr. Laura’s look on how to achieve and maintain a happy, successful marriage

1.  Women’s responsibility to husband in a marriage

             a.  women need to build on husbands ego

                        -  this will make the man stronger

                        -  and in turn will create a happier marriage

            b.  look at men as simple creatures

                        -  men simply need to be taken care of

                        -  if you give your husbands what they need (good food, sex, clean house) they will be satisfied

                        -  this satisfaction is important for the man to be the best that he can in the marriage and provide for his wife

            c.  provide sexual satisfaction

                        -  sexual urges are something a man cannot control— it is part of his biology

                        -  men need this part of them satisfied to feel loved and accepted by their wives

                        -  sex is a way of communicating for a man

                        -  very, very important aspect of a marriage

            d.  do all the household chores and duties, take care of children

                        -  all of these are the wife’s responsibilites

                        -  equivalent to the work the husband does outside of the home

2.  Men in marriage

            a.  men’s lives sometimes become a “hell” because of all the problems their wives cause in the marriage

            b.  men usually only have good intentions

                        -because they are “simple creatures”

            c.  men aren’t given enough credit for what they do

B.  Unity Model perspective on how to achieve and maintain a happy, successful marriage

 1.  Women’s role in marriage

            a.  women-spiritual insight of reality

            b.  they must guide the man so that he can be enlightened

            c.  the couple must be aligned at all the levels and the husband must be enlightened to achieve a happy, successful unity marriage  

 2..  Man’s role in marriage

            a. learn from women in their relationships

                        -the purpose is to achieve conjugial love

b. must surrender himself to his wife

            -must trust the wife to guide him to enlightenment and conjugial love

c  changes the husband must make

            -must reform and regenerate for and with wives

            -but he keeps some of  his “self” during the process

3.  Concept of the conjoint self

            a.  involves activation of spiritual mind not present before 

            b. process of growing through reciprocity and differentiation

                        -  dropping off traits that do not fit with the spouse

                        -  developing new traits which fit better with spouse

            c.  very important and necessary in achieving the unity model of marriage- the goal of marriages

Related Links:

 1. http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/marriage/marlife/articles/0,,154_534732,00.html

This site has to do with achieving and maintaining a happy marriage.  The author discloses the “secrets” to a happy marriage and gives us examples of how couples in a successful marriage deal with certain problems.  I chose this site because I thought it was really interesting how the tips the author gives are both unity (focusing on connection and communication and anti-unity (focusing on the importance of keeping individuality in marriage).

 2.  http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap10

I chose this site because it covers a wide variety of topics in marriage including lasting marriages.  I thought it would be a good idea to include this site because it offers a slightly different perspective from what we have been learning.  For example, it lists many different types of marriage that we have not really discussed.

 3.  http://www.mynippon.com/MYNIPPON0707/story135.htm

I thought this site would be a valuable part of understanding more about unity marriages because they offer information on intimacy in marriages.  There are a lot of things that are not unity at all, such as the large amount of attention paid to the sensorimotor aspect of the marriage.  Some advice about how to deal with certain problems are definitely helpful and other anti-unity values may help us understand some ways of thinking which may prevent us from achieving a happy marriage.My

Home Page:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/montague/montague-home.htm

Class Home Page:  http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm