Psy 409b, 02/05/06

Life after Kids and the Battle of the Nagging Wife

By Jessica Pettit

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger, pg. 27-41, HarperCollins Publishers, 2004

Instructions for this activity are found at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James

v Husband’s treatment after children are born into the family

Ø Predicament many husbands are put into after their spouses become mothers, and spend less time being wives

Ø Husbands, in result, may become competitive or resentful towards their children, because of the lack of attention and time spent on them

Ø Women may then become resentful, because they feel their husbands are not doing anything for them

§ This is because the husbands are not motivated by wives because they have been neglected

Ø Women must be humble enough to break this cycle and begin treating the men in their lives good if they want to be treated the same in return

v “Second Mother” Mentality

Ø This is the rut women often fall into after bearing children

Ø This entails looking, behaving, and sounding like a mother all the time

§ Constantly giving orders, directing traffic, and being obsessed with domestic issues

§ Women should, instead, not bring their work “home” with them, and remember their roles as a lover, companion, and wife, on top of their role as a mother

§ Wives should also behave in ways her husband finds attractive whether it includes looks, touching, and/or the way she speaks to him (her entire demeanor)

v A Woman’s Obligation to her Husband

Ø This idea is often met with two reactions

§ Surprise: often because of the environments in which women are raised (neglected by mothers, divorced homes, teaching of theories from anti-family feminists, socialization the encourages selfish gratification over sacrifice)

§ Anger over perceived oppression: Women take on the obligation of friends and family without feeling the anger of being oppressed and without putting her husband first before all others

v Women who Nag

Ø This idea references those wives who complain, nag, rarely express appreciation, and are difficult to satisfy

§ Men often feel that wives should express their problems without arguing, fussing or whining

§ Dr. Laura agrees: men should be able to feel at peace within their own home

Ø Some women use a double standard and make fun of men about typical male interests (sports, stocks, military), yet would take offense if their interests were made fun of (i.e. shopping, cooking, etc.)

§ This also applies when women join all female clubs and social activities but get mad when men want to have “guys-night-outs” such as playing poker or fishing. The husband is somehow viewed as selfish or neglectful while the wife has the right to do what she was doing.

Ø Women also complain about their husbands romantic history (whether it be something trivial or not)

Ø Instead of nitpicking and complaining about what men do wrong, wives should instead show affection and demonstrate appreciation for the things they like and want in order for it to happen more often

Related Links

“How to Handle your Woman’s Nagging” http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_60/86_dating_advice.html This website is geared towards men, and this particular article makes light of the fact the most women will nag. The article defines four different categories of nags, including: “The Innocent”, “The Chatterbox”, “The Riddler”, and “The T-Rex”.

“Love Busters” http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html This website is dedicated to building lasting marriages. This particular link describes what the site explains as “love busters”. It specifically includes “independent behavior” as a love buster that causes a spouse to ignore the feelings and interests of their partner.

“Your Marriage After a Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems” http://www.lhj.com/lhj/story.jhtml?storyid=/templatedata/ab/story/data/AB1004MarriageAfterBaby_10272004.xml This article explains some of the common problems incurred by couples after having children. It emphasizes that while this is an exciting time, it can also be very stressful. Some tips are provided to help couples stay strong through this period.

My Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/pettit/pettit-home.htm

Class Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm