Psychology 409b- May2, 2006

Outline 8 HusbandsHave Feeling Too!

By Jessica Pettit

 

 

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger (Harper/Collins Publishers,2001), pg 68-81

 

 

Instructions for this activity are found at:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

 

 

• Then main source of husband’s bad attitudes, negative responses, and disappointing behaviors is their wives’ attitude toward them and their feelings.
• Women need to take into consideration the feelings of their men
• Example: Man’s future mother-in-law wants him to uninvite two people who RSVPed late for his wedding. His fiancé gets upset that he tells her mother that he will not uninvite the people. The fiancé thinks it’s a control issue and that he doesn’t want to tell his own mother that they can’t go.
• Since the fiancé is not showing him much respect before the wedding, he shouldn't expect for it to be much different afterwards.
• “Stupid Chivalry”
• Men, needing to feel important and valiant, often get into situations that can best be described as “saving a damsel in distress”. They believe that is they save her, she will fulfill all of their dreams and desires, but they often just end up with the same distressed damsel that still disregards their feelings.
• Examples:
• When wife wants to do something with her friends she expects her husband to trust her, but when he wants to do something she says he doesn’t love her or want to spend time with her.
• It’s okay for the wife to spend money but when the husband does it’s considered “irresponsible”
• Wife complains that he doesn't think about her feelings about her family when he wants to visit his family
• It’s all about her feelings, not his
• Women have been taught to disdain the “male ego”
• But how is that different that women’s “body ego” issue: Where husbands have to constantly tell their wives that their bodies are perfect and no, they don’t look fat.
• Husbands value their wives’ approval
• Most wives are oppressors
• Men are probably more emotionally needy for feedback from their wives than wives are from their husbands
• Women can turn to their mothers, friends, neighbors, coworkers, relatives, shrinks, their hairdressers, whoever for support. Men cannot, they are more private
• When men try to express how they feel, their wives always change it around to make them feel like it’s their fault
• Wives care about the feelings of friends and family more than the feelings of their husbands
• Women trivialize the feelings of their husbands

 

 

 

Related Websites

 

“Who Wears the Pants in Your Relationship?” http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/36_dating_advice.htmlThis website contains advice to a husband who feels he is being controlled byhis wife. He expresses his fear of his wife, who controls everything abouttheir relationship. The advice given includes the suggestion that men shouldtake control before their wives take over.

 

“Dr. Phil's Advice to Controlling Women” http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2000/tows_past_20001114_c.jhtmlThis web site gives advice to controlling women and also to men who are beingcontrolled by women. An example for women is “You must put the past behind you,and focus on the future. An example for men is “Relationships are managed, notcured. You have to be a good steward, and help achieve balance in yourrelationship. Don't be too passive.”

 

“An Interview with Dr. Laura Schlessinger” http://www.harpercollins.com/global_scripts/product_catalog/book_xml.asp?isbn=0060520612&tc=aiThis website provides an interview with Dr. Laura, and she explains that herbook focuses on women because they have so much influence over their husbands.She basically justifies all of her assumption and feels that a woman’s worstmistake is working in “negatives”, that is getting hung up over disappointmentsand past issues instead of looking at the positives.

 

My Home page:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/pettit/pettit-home.htm

 

 

Class Home Page

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm