Psychology 409b April 11, 2006

“What Women Need to Know”

By Skip Saito

Buss, Rev. Peter M, Some Thoughts on Masculinity, The Swedenborg Project, 2005, (Ref 6G), http://www.swedenborgproject.org/page.cfm?pageid=170

Instructions for this Activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I. Equality???

a. Men have allowed women to be treated as equals, but both sexes have tended to define “equals” as meaning “like men.”

i. The women in business or competitive life is often encouraged to have male qualities instead of bringing to her job the unique qualities of the feminine mind.

b. Men have stopped treating a woman as the Writings say she should be treated with “courteous morality,” – stopped respecting her for those more gentle characteristics that draw the sexes together.

i. There is an increased tendency to treat her like one of the boys.

ii. Inevitably it is the true feminine that suffers.

c. Small wonder that wives in heaven were afraid when Swedenborg discovered how tenderly they loved their husbands.

i. They didn’t want him to reveal that on earth, because it seemed like a weakness which men would exploit.

ii. Swedenborg insisted that he must reveal it, for their tenderness must be known: it is the very truth of good, and the goodness of truth.

II. When women succeed

a. Some men have been so weak that they have been unable to bear the thought of a woman succeeding.

b. A study showed that if a wife has a higher-paying job than her husband:

i. He is 11 times more likely to die of heart disease in middle age.

ii. He is far more likely to attack his wife with a knife or gun.

iii. He thinks he loves her more than she loves him.

iv. However, the situation improved dramatically if the wife was in a traditionally “woman’s job,” such as nursing, even if she was earning more than he was.

III. What is it that a woman loves in a man?

a. A young woman’s beauty, which attracts a man, is matched by his “morality”.

i. If he is a moral man she is safe with him.

ii. Not only is she safe from bodily seduction, but her affections and thoughts are secure from harm.

iii. He will treat them with “courteous morality,” even as he regards her beauty “with a fond eye.”

b. Women also love knowledge, understanding and wisdom in a man.

i. Loving his knowledge comes first.

ii. Later she loves his judgment – his intelligence, or understanding.

iii. Women are proud of them in the men they love.

c. It is the third trilogy that women love – true wisdom.

i. “Conjugial love is proper to man [male and female].

IV. Wisdom with a man teaches two things, two things that contain the secret of our challenge to be masculine.

a. First, it teaches that the wife alone is to be loved, and that adulteries are filthy, and to be shunned.

i. Men receive love from their wives, “especially according to that wisdom from religion which teaches that the wife alone is to be loved.”

ii. Such love is “concentrated; and it is ennobled, and remains in its strength and is steadfast and enduring.”

iii. “This is the wisdom with which conjugial love binds itself; for it binds itself by shunning the evil of adultery as the pest of the soul, the commonwealth and the body.”

b. Secondly, we show true masculinity as we use wisdom to understand our wives truly.

i. In many places in the Writings the husband is said to be the understanding of his wife’s love.

ii. A true husband understands his wife’s loves.

V. What wives want

a. A wife does not reveal her loves.

i. From innate modesty and inborn wisdom she shields them from her husband when he is in cold.

ii. From wisdom too she knows that if he is to discover them he must do it for himself.

iii. He must want to do so; he must inquire into her feelings, spend many of his quiet moments wondering what beautiful feelings are moving her.

b. Therefore the true love of marriage is to seek to understand the heart of this person you love.

i. She wants this of her husband more than anything else – an understanding heart, which probes the depth of her being and senses the wondrous things the Lord has put there.

c. It is only when men strive for this type of understanding that the true beauty of the feminine mind will be seen, and she will be loved for the things, which the Lord Himself made her to be loved for.

VI. Face the reality, MEN

a. Women love you; they just want you to prove that you love them just as much as they love you.

i. Women want to be with someone that they can trust and be with for the rest of their lives and till endless eternity.

ii. They don’t only need a husband, but a best friend as well

b. Men need to release themselves from the typical “Masculine” stereotype in order to become conjugial with their wives

i. A wife is looking for a husband that won’t be bothered with the fact that she makes more money or has a better career.

ii. Wives just simply want a husband that will be there for her emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Related Links:

1. http://eis.net.au/~paulh/1php8.htm : I thought that this website was interesting because of the fact that it was a website that spoke of the Christian religion and the New Testament however, didn’t follow the ways of the unity model. You would think that such a religion that believes in the afterlife and endless eternity would have similar views towards marriage unity. This however, is a website that focuses on how there can be only one leader in a social unit as small as the family, and if a leadership role is admitted at all, it has to be clear whose it is, and that is the husband. It goes on about how god appointed and authority role in the family and that was the man.

2. http://www.takeninhand.com/node/149 : Now this website is one that I’m sure everyone that has taken this class will appreciate and have fun with. This is an actual website that promotes the dominance model of marriage in the sense that the husband is dominant and the wife is submissive. Its funny how we can use what we learned in the unity model of marriage and immediately see what’s wrong in some marriages. This website will actually make you wonder why there are wives out there that actually want to be dominated and think that it makes their marriage stronger.

3. http://www.aish.com/family/marriage/What_Women_Really_Want.asp : This website is based on a book written by Emuna Braverman. She sounds like she knows a lot about the topic of women and their wants and needs. She relates this to a woman looking for a mate and gives a few qualities that women usually look for. They consist of men that show their love through, gratitude, praise, care and consideration, really listening, clear words and eye contact, and physical affection. She feels that these qualities will help a marriage succeed and keep the wife as happy and comfortable as she can.

My Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/saito/saito-home.htm

Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm