Report 2:
My
Understand of the Unity Model of Marriage
Instructions
for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-report2.htm
I am answering Questions 2, 4, 7,10,
&13.
A husband and
wife seem to get along real well together, enjoying the same activities, having
fun, being popular with friends, etc. Then they have a fight over some disagreement
and they show disrespect and hatred for each other.
(a) Explain why this turnabout can happen and what is
its cause. Be sure to use some aspect of the theory given in the Lecture Notes.
Husbands
and wives don’t always get along. In
reality there are usually disagreement between the two people because they are
two individuals who are together.
However, there shouldn’t be disrespect and hatred for each other because
they are suppose to love each. The
reason for this negative hatred can be explain by using the Dominance
Model. This is where the husband says
he’s right, thinks he’s right; tries to make his wife think he’s right, and
then feel that he is right. All the
attention is focused on the husband being right and neglects what the wife feels
and thinks. A question for this turn of
hatred and disagreement can be, “Do these two people actually love each other?”
If they do, they wouldn’t be having strong disrespect for each other. One usually gives in to the other to make
the other person happy.
(b) Discuss how married
partners can reverse this flip-flop cycle so that it never occurs again. In
your explanation be sure to apply the unity model, the threefold self,
and the conjoint self, as explained in the Lecture Notes.
The
solution for this couple to never go through a disagreement like this is for
them to think about themselves and each other in order to be conjoined. In order for this couple to find a common
ground, it is the husband’s job to realize what his wife wants and how she feels
about the situation. The wife already
knows what’s going on and how things should be done. In the threefold self-level, the cognitive self and affective
self each are at it’s own position for the husband and the wife. Because of this, the unity model is broken
into the dominance and equity model. As
explained earlier, the husband mainly controls the wife in the dominance model,
and now the equity model shows that the wife agrees to the fact that the
husband can be in some control. This
means that there isn’t any conjunction of the mind or feeling between the
two. The couple can only be at conjoint
self in the unity model when their thinking and internal feelings about a
situation is the same.
(c) The unity model says that men are resistant to mental
intimacy and to conjugial unity. Collect data to either confirm or disconfirm
this prediction. Interview several women of varying ages (to the extent
possible). Make up a checklist consisting of 10 to 20 items that highlight what
the women have said about their experiences with men's resistance to intimacy.
Discuss the list and what it can be used for.
Why
are men resistant to mental intimacy and to conjugial unity?
Thoughts:
1. Men like the physical intimacy so that they can feel
arouse, but when it comes to mental intimacy they don’t know what to do.
2. Some men
just don’t care what women think.
3. My husband asks how my day was and wants to know
what I am thinking.
4. You know how men can just sit and not talk? Well,
they don’t want to get into sensitive and emotional conversations.
5. They’re wired differently.
6. He doesn’t seem to remember important dates.
7. Some guys just want to avoid confrontation.
8. Guys probably feel if emotions has to be talked
about...it's too much work...so they just ignore it and act as if nothing
happened.
9. My husband asks me about my opinion because he
understands that I have more experience and insight on things. I’m more reasonable than he is.
10. People say women lie, but men lie more about what
they’re up to.
11. They can't sympathize with women because they have
no clue how deep our emotions can be.
12. Being open
emotionally means being vulnerable, and it's not a manly thing to be
vulnerable.
13. They’re too independent in their ways.
14. They don’t like being told what to do.
15. Men don’t know what mental intimacy is.
16. He shows more love when I’m either mad at him or if
I’m upset at something.
The
overall responses from these women show that men are capable of intimacy but
they are steered towards being tough and independent. Showing any signs of intimacy of any kind besides physical
intimacy is being “unmanly” or a “sissy”.
For those that said that their husbands show mental and emotional intimacy,
their backgrounds were Christian women.
Their husbands are godly men and follow what the bible says in how to
respect and treat their wives. This
checklist can be used to evaluate what women think about their men. Sometimes men can have mental intimacy with
their wives when things go bad because he wants to make her happy. And when he wants to make her happy again,
he shows that he loves her by sympathizing with her.
(a) Select at least one student report on marriage
from each of Generation 20, 21, 22, and 23, as listed in the Readings section
of the Lecture Notes at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/409b-g24-lecture-notes.htm#students
Generation 20:
By: Suzanne Howard
Applied Project: Mapping
the Threefold Self in Gender Relationships
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report2.htm
(b) Summarize each of the selected reports. Be sure to
put a link to the student's report.
Howard used the Threefold Self to examine her relationship with her
ex-boyfriend, Nick, and in doing so; she was able to map out how each level of
the Threefold self worked in her relationship.
She gave many illustrations of incidents where sensorimotor, cognitive,
and affective self took place. She also
broke down each of the Threefold Self into dominance, equity, and unity to show
the applications of them. All her life
experiences made it clear why her relationship with Nick didn’t work out. Later on in her she explains the gender
difference between men and women comparing them to the Threefold-Self. The three students she looked at are:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2002/bliss/research.htm
(c) Add a General Conclusion
Section in which you discuss your reactions to what each student did and
said – (i) their ideas, (ii) their method, (iii) their explanations.
I agree with Howard on her
idea of the Threefold-Self. It makes
sense how each level has it’s own sublevels of dominance, equity, and
unity. Through those ideas, she was
able to pin point where her and Nick demonstrate these concepts. Her method of using personal experience to
explain shows how applicable and how real these concepts work. Threefold Self isn’t just words that are
taught, but it’s really happening in everyone’s lives. The sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective
self are all-active all the time within an individual and between a two
people. I enjoyed learning from her experience
and her explanations about how the Threefold-Self works are clearly examined.
(d) Summarize what they gained from doing their
reports?
Howard learned a lot about the threefold self and the types of gender
relationships. This made her realize
where her relationship with Nick stood whether it was dominance, equity, or
unity. She also moved her thinking from
equity being the best model to stand to the unity model because she didn’t
think that men could change. She also
criticizes men for not willing to change in order to achieve unity.
(e) How do their ideas
influence what you yourself think about these issues?
Her ideas don’t change my
ideas about the Threefold-Self issue because I already agree with what the
Threefold-Self says. All her life
experiences do, however, confirm what really goes on in someone’s life. Although, I am not in a relationship, it
does make me aware of what to look out for when I am in relationship in the
future. One thing she talks about is
the equity model where in our society it is the model mostly portrayed. She disagrees with the men always having to
listen to the woman and falls back from the unity to equity because husband and
wife should change for each other and not just one side changing for the
other. I do agree somewhat to that
idea, however, if the couple is in the unity stage, there shouldn’t be a
disagreement in the man wanting changing for the woman. If he loves her, then he will make her
happy. She already should be
considerate of him and watches out for his feelings before anything. Therefore, the equity model shows that there
is disagreement between the husband and the wife in not wanting to be in the
unity model. The Unity Model is still
the best model to strife for and settling for Equity Model is almost like
giving up eternal life.
By: Michelle Leung
My Understanding of the
Unity Model of Marriage
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2004/leung/409b-g21-report2.htm
(b) Summarize each of the
selected reports. Be sure to put a link to the student's report.
Leung’s report goes through a couple of questions:
AUV-anti-unity values, the
threefold self and the role of the affective in relation to the cognitive and
sensorimotor, explanations of Behavioral Indicators of One’s Relationship
Model, past generation reports, and contrasting the three views of gender
relationships expressed by Deborah Tannen in Gender and Discourse, Laura
Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and Leon James
in The Doctrine of the Wife. The
student reports are from:
(c) Add a General Conclusion Section in which you discuss your reactions to what each student did and said – (i) their ideas, (ii) their method, (iii) their explanations.
There are a
couple of things I agree with Leung about in her reporting on the AUV from
“Passion” and “Sex and the City.” She
talks about when people are in love they feel and act differently. They often think with their hearts
(emotions) than with their minds (logic).
I agree with this and feel that many times people are blinding from what
reality is and only sees and hopes for what they want. These hopes and wants are what usually hurt
them more because they refuse to see what needs to be changed and done the
right way. She also brings up the idea
that woman are the ones that tries to change love and the relationship. Yes, this is true because women are the ones
who strives for the unity model, however, the men are stuck with their
affective independence that it hurts the women more when she is the one that
changes for the men. The method she
used to explain the Three-fold Self was to give her own experience. I think that this is the best way to explain
these concepts because it is easy to see the applications of it in
reality. I thought that her
explanations throughout her report were accurate and true. I agree with mostly everything about the
AUV.
(d) Summarize what they
gained from doing their reports?
Leung has gained more
knowledge in the areas of gender and relationship issues. She says that she has a more open-mind about
relationships and has also learned a lot about Threefold-Self.
(e) How do their ideas influence what you yourself
think about these issues?
Her ideas don’t really influence me because I already agree with the
Unity Model and disagree with all the AUV. Her ideas don’t change my previous
ideas about marriage. It gave more of a
learning experience I reading through the information in understanding about
the relationship between a husband and a wife I a marriage.
By:
Jenny Kwan
My Understanding of the
Unity Model of Marriage
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/kwan/409b-g22-report2.htm
(b) Summarize each of the selected reports. Be sure to
put a link to the student's report.
Kwan’s report consist of
the following topics: solution and explanation to a husband and wife’s disagreement
that turns into disrespect and hatred for each other, examining Behavioral Indicators of One's Relationship Model,
examining and exploring Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book, philosophy/psychology
relationships between men and women, examining AUV, and examining
Threefold-Self. The three past
generations she looked at were Tiffany Lee, Michelle Ching, and Tawny Antonio.
(c) Add a General Conclusion
Section in which you discuss your reactions to what each student did and
said – (i) their ideas, (ii) their method, (iii) their explanations.
I think that all Kwan’s
explanations are reasonable, and the methods of movies she used for analyzing
the AUV are helpful to understand that AUV exist everywhere and it isn’t hard
to see. She makes many good points
using the Unity Model to explain how AUV is a hazard to a relationship. She also looks into her own relationship and
compares it to the Unity Model. This
shows that she understands what she is working on and the ideas marriage,
anti-unity values, Threefold-self, etc. relate to herself. All her explanations made sense and we’re
reasonable in places she disagreed in.
(d) Summarize what they
gained from doing their reports?
She doesn’t have a section
reporting what she gained. But from
what I’ve been reading through her report is she probably sees more little
things about her boyfriend’s independence and other things about how the
Threefold-Self and AUV shows in her own life.
What she learned about the Unity Model she hopes to see a future of that
in her relationship.
(e) How do their ideas
influence what you yourself think about these issues?
One thing that caught my
eye was that she was in a relationship with someone from a different religion
as she is. I know that it works out
with some people, but a different religion can also mean different cognitive
self. Another thing was that when she
was talking about Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I was glad that she didn’t agree with her. It makes me think more about Dr.
Schlessinger’s idea and how it is wrong for women to cater to the men’s needs
and wants.
By: Tracy Peters
My Understanding of the
Unity Model of Marriage
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2005/peters/peters-409b-g23-report2.htm
(b) Summarize each of the
selected reports. Be sure to put a link to the student's report.
Peter’s report consist of
the following topics: Men’s have less feelings than women with observations,
four comparing views of gender
relationships expressed by Deborah Tannen in Gender and Discourse, Laura
Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Joshua Coleman The
Lazy Husband, and Swedenborg in Conjugial Love, solution and
explanation to a husband and wife’s disagreement that turns into disrespect and
hatred for each other, AUV with observations, and the Threefold-Self. She looked at the following three student
reports:
1.
My Understanding of the Unity Model of
Marriage -By: Heidi Nakamura http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/Nakamura/409b-g22-report2.htm
2.
My Understanding of the Unity Model of
Marriage-By: Davis Hanai http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/hanai/409b-g22-report2.htm
3. My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage-By:
Kalena Luney http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2005/luney/report2.htm
(c) Add a General Conclusion Section in which you
discuss your reactions to what each student did and said – (i) their
ideas, (ii) their method, (iii) their explanations.
I
agree with the idea that the feelings men have are suppressed by traditional
society. She also makes a comment in
hoping that men will be able to feel more comfortable in expressing their
feelings in conversations like women, which is the best way of
communication. My reaction on this is
that it will be difficult for a man to express this unless, in our society, we
see gay men are able to do this. On the
other hand, a husband who feels that they are close to their sisters and wife
will probably be able to share certain things to them. Overall, I think that men’s emotions and
information to share are all controlled by his independence and society. Peter’s method in doing this report was well
labeled, but I didn’t like how she wrote sub-section, it bothered me. All her explanations were reasonable and
followed the Lecture note readings.
(d) Summarize what they
gained from doing their reports?
One thing she really
learned from this class was not to procrastinate on doing any of the
assignments.
(e) How do their ideas
influence what you yourself think about these issues?
Her ideas don’t change my
previous ideas about marriage. It gave
more of a learning experience I reading through the information in understanding
about the relationship between a husband and a wife I a marriage.
(a) Consider Table 5 in the
Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations.
It lists Areas of Observation for observing interactions between the partners
in a couple.
This is Table 5
Areas of Observation for
Sensorimotor Dominance vs. Sensorimotor Equity vs. Sensorimotor Unity
Zones 1, 4 ,7
1.
Who gets to hold and
control the TV remote
2.
Whose choice prevails
for what home movies to watch
3.
Who chooses what
restaurant to go to
4.
What interaction
dynamics goes on in each other's appearance--clothes, body shape, hair, etc.
5.
How much influence is
each partner willing to take from the other regarding how to behave with
friends or family, or others
6.
How do they talk to
each other and what does the talk reveal about their cognitive and affective
self
7.
What are the
conditions under which they are physically intimate and how do they act and
react
8.
How do they coordinate
their movements while walking, doing tasks at home, sitting beside each other
9.
What kind of facial
expressions do they have when alone together
10. What are their preferences in tastes, colors, odors,
sounds, lighting
11. Who changes topics in a conversation or introduces
new topics
12. Who is attentive to the other
13. Who doesn't answer, looks away, avoids, ignores,
walks out
14. Who yells, expresses angry and hurtful words, hits,
acts threatening, throws things
15. Who marks dates, events, anniversaries,
celebrations, birthday cards, flowers
16. etc.
Areas of Observation for
Cognitive Dominance vs. Cognitive Equity vs. Cognitive Unity
Zones 2, 5, 8
1.
What do the two
partners think of each other in terms of who controls whom, when, and how
2.
How do they use
"equity philosophy" in their relationship (i.e., how they decide
about sharing work, duties, money, responsibilities)
3.
What is their attitude
about one partner trying to influence the other (e.g., when trying to change
the other's habits, beliefs, loyalties, personality traits)
4.
What does each partner
think of the other's opinions and views (e.g., dislikes them, ignores them,
isn't interested in them, argues against them, etc. -- or the opposite of these
-- likes them, pays attention to them, is interested in them, goes along with
them, etc.)
5.
What do the two
partners seriously disagree about or argue about without resolution of the
problem
6.
How much agreement or
disagreement exists between the partners regarding God and their being together
in the afterlife
7.
How much do the two
partners let themselves be intellectually influenced by each other's ideas
8.
How clear are they to
each other when discussing things (e.g., hiding things, keeping secrets, being
touchy or oversensitive to some topics, talking guardedly or with reserve, --
or the opposite)
9.
How much does each
believe in marriage myths like "Passion decreases with time" or
"Absence makes the heart fonder" or "Wives tend to nag" or
"Husbands need their own hobbies" etc.
10. etc.
Areas of Observation for
Affective Dominance vs. Affective Equity vs. Affective Unity
Zones 3, 6, 9
1.
How motivated is each
partner to remember relationship things (dates one of them considers important,
celebrations, joint memories, intimate events, preferences of the other for
various things like food or activities)
2.
How motivated is each
to the idea of putting the partner ahead of everything else--children, friends,
family, career, and attachments.
3.
How committed is each
partner to the idea of total unity (e.g., feeling free to raise and talk
about any topic, feeling motivated to eliminate all disagreements between them
by wanting to change for the sake of the other, and so on)
4.
What motivates them to
consider each other ahead of everything else, or not
5.
How much do the
partners abuse or hurt each other (e.g., retaliation, punishment, sulking,
staying away, breaking promises, being unfaithful or disloyal, being uncaring
or unloving, manipulating, forcing)
6.
How passionate is each
partner towards the other (e.g., in being romantic, in making the other feel
special and exclusive, etc.)
7.
How much are the
partners motivated to stay together as much as they can (e.g., shopping
together, leisure activities, lunches, watching TV, hobbies, house tasks,
seeing others, vs. doing separate things each on their own (e.g., seeing
friends, sports and games, hobbies, TV programs, shopping separately)
8.
How romantic are they
with each other? Is she his Sweetheart? Is he her Ideal Man?
9.
etc.
(b) Use some of the listed
areas to make observations about the threefold self of a couple you know, or
you and your partner as a couple.
The couple that I observed
for this report is has been in a relationship for about 4 years since their
freshmen year in college.
In the sensorimotor area in
this couple’s relationship, I want to focus on 6. How do they talk to each
other and what does the talk reveal about their cognitive and affective
self. I know the girl very well, and
she shares to me about what goes on in their relationship. An example of would be when they are walking
down the street and she tries to slip her hand into his arm, but he moves away
from her. She wants some physical
intimacy but he moves away on purpose because for some reason he doesn’t like
to show public display of affection.
In the cognitive self,
these two couples are not cognitively conjoined. One of the things she noticed in her relationship with her
boyfriend is that he is very dominant and independent in his thinking. He speaks to her like a father speaking to
his daughter. He thinks for her and tells
her that she’s being too sensitive.
This makes her cry in front of him and he continues to not know why she
is crying. He made her cry by telling
her that she’s sensitive and shouldn’t be thinking too much about something
they were talking about.
In affective self, the girl
is always trying to achieve unity. She
makes all the physical, mental, and emotional approach to open up her
boyfriend. She wants to tell him how
she feels about their relationship and how she is unhappy about it. He is closed minded, and doesn’t have the
care in what she thinks. He continues
to think that things are okay and as long as he doesn’t hear her complain, he’s
fine. When she comes to me for
emotional comfort, it shows that there is disjunction in the relationship. She should be able to go to her boyfriend,
the closest person to her for comfort and confiding in, but instead, her
emotions are pushed aside.
(c) How do these data help
you in assess the quality of the partners’ relationship in relation to the nine
zones of the unity model?
Gathering data for this
relationship, allowed me to explain the quality between the partners’
relationship with each other in the relationship. It shows how they constantly move between dominant and equity
levels of all the threefold self.
However, I fully believe that this whole relationship has moved from the
beginning of their relationship of equity to the present relationship fully
dominant. I can see that she’s not
happy, and it doesn’t look like her boyfriend is going to change for her. I know that he doesn’t love her because he
keeps making her unhappy and frustrated for their relationship. She said that she’s tired of changing for
him, for doing things for him, and for attending to his needs and wants when he
doesn’t even show any sign of appreciation for him. So this couple is set in the zones of 1a, 2a, and 3a. All of these are in the dominance level of
each threefold self.
(d) How do you explain these
observations--what do they show or why are things this way with that couple?
I totally disagree and
oppose this relationship. I have seen
this relationship start from freshmen year to hearing the things that’s been
going on now. This relationship has
gone for the worst, and the girl sees it, and refuses to face it. The boyfriend is treating her really bad,
especially by using mental and emotion abuse on her. He makes her cry so much to a point where he criticizes her for
being “too sensitive”. He knows why she
is crying and doesn’t do anything to comfort her or apologize for what he
does. She is a sensitive person
cognitively and emotionally because she is a woman who shows more love on the
outside than wisdom. She constantly
tries to move the relationship to a more intimate level. However, she tries to please him so much
that she isn’t happy at the end. He
doesn’t see how he is hurting the relationship and is being selfish in
everything he says and does. That’s is
why their relationship is unhappy and unsuccessful. She is not stuck in this unhappy relationship, but she puts
herself in a position where she refuses to let go of him. She’s being stubborn and not smart about
staying in this relationship hoping that something will change. She should leave him and let him learn that
he’s not a good boyfriend and not a good man.
(e) Explain how you now understand gender relationships in terms of dominance, equity, unity, biology, culture, and spirituality.
I
know that there are many differences between gender relationships in terms of
dominance, equity, unity, biology, culture, and spirituality. In terms of dominance, the man is usually
the one who takes control of the relationship at the sensorimotor level of the
threefold self, and the woman is more dominant in the cognitive and affective
levels. However, in all three levels of
the threefold self, the relationship moves onto equity as the relationship
progresses on. This is when the man
begins to see that he should want to move towards unity and in perusing an
eternity life with his woman. Gender
relationship in terms of biology is definitely different. The anatomy shows how the two are totally
different and never will them be exactly the same because no two people are the
same. The person is their own body and
has their own body. I believe that
culture plays a large factor in gender relationship. Comparing the Asian culture to the American culture there are
many similarities and differences.
Taking dominance as an example, the man are all more dominant than the
woman; however, in America, woman have a strong say in the relationship than do
Asian woman who are more submissive.
Another thing is that Asian woman find it okay for the man to take over
because they are expected to listen to the man. There are however exceptions in all case. Spirituality is another factor, which can
make or break a relationship. The basis
of spirituality is more on whether the man is willing to be one with the woman
in eternity. Is he willing to care for
her emotions and thinking in order to make her happy. If we look at spirituality in a religious sense, I find that it
will be hard for a couple to be happy together if the two have different belief
without one changing for the other. My
overall view of all these terms in understanding gender relationship is that
they are all important factors in a relationship, but people don’t usually see
it until there is a disagreement about something in the relationship and are
challenge to overcome these dominance issue, equity issue, unity issue, biology
issue, cultural issue, and spirituality issue.
(a) Consider Tables 1a, 1b, 1c in the Lecture Notes,
which is in the Section called Sensorimotor,
Cognitive, and Affective Conjunction It shows how to construct an
ennead chart using the threefold self and the three levels of mentality
creating the preference for each model. One illustration is given in the area
of sexual behavior.
Unity
Model in Marriage: Ennead Chart of Growth Steps
This is Table 1a (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
UNITY |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
EQUITY |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
DOMINANCE |
1 |
2 |
3 |
Threefold
Degrees of Conjunction
This is Table 1b (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
level 1 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE
|
|
level 1 |
1 sensations
and pleasures felt as consequences of maintaining control over the partner
|
2 involved
with thoughts about how to keep pressuring the partner to cooperate or be
non-resistant |
3 |
(b) Explain what has been
discussed in class and the Lecture Notes as "sexual blackmail."
Describe the development of your thinking regarding this concept, from initial
reaction to now. Collect some data on how others you know react to this concept
when you explain it to them. How do you interpret their reactions and comments?
Sexual Blackmail is the weak response to an insecure
man! This is when a man uses his power
physically and mentally towards a woman making her feel as if she is nothing,
that everything is her fault, and the responsibilities within the relationship
is her job to make the man happy. These
are all weak arguments to dominance a woman.
I really believe that if a man loves a woman, he would think of her
feelings first and operate on a state of making her happy so that she will want
to make him happy. The other way around
if for the man to make the woman happy when she is already feeling bad and
guilty by the man. Sexual Blackmail
happens when the man isn’t thinking.
Sometimes the man may no mean what he says, but if he says it out of
wanting the woman to do something for him then he means what he says and is
using Sexual Blackmail. Men know that a
woman is more emotional than they are, so they take it as an advantage to say
mean things to them. It is an easy way
for them to get what they want, and for the woman to submit to them in fear and
in wanting to make the man happy. This
isn’t right! Men should realize what they are doing and if any woman used
Sexual Blackmail towards a man, maybe he will know how it feels and reconsider
his actions and words.
Other’s Reactions
Single male-22: “I think sexual blackmail is a crime to humanity because not only is it immoral, in my sense, but it is also raping someone of their freedom and dignity and that is an emotional scar that will last forever.”
Single male-21: “I am against anything that would make someone do something they don’t like. Sexual Blackmail is like rape.”
Male in a relationship-20: “I hate those type of
people. My reaction is that the person honestly has issues and insecurities,
and he tries to humiliate women to make himself feel better, like a superiority
problem. Its funny because men are very stupid, they are very vulnerable into
giving into their sexual urges which leads them to make irrational decisions
and actions”
Female in a relationship-21: “I don’t think sex
should be something one person use to impose over another.”
Single female-21: “I’m against it and it isn’t
right. At the same time I’m wondering
if the man using his dominance is related to his biological nature and nurtured
by this society’s view of the male female unequal standard. If there is a male competition feeling or
less of ways to release nature male urges they take it out on their partner or
female.”
I agree with all of their
reactions and support their reason.
They have very good points about not liking and disagreeing with “sexual
blackmail”.
(c) Copy Table 1c and replace
the characterization of each illustration (in each cell) into an example of
your own. Think of a couple you know in reality or from TV. The three tables
should cover these three topics: (i) housework, (ii) jealousy, and (iii) a
third area of your own choosing.
My own illustration:
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE
|
|
level 1 |
1 the wife
does all the housework to make the husband happy and he doesn’t lift a
finger |
2 the
husband tells the wife that it’s her job to do the housework and convinces
her that she’s “suppose to” to it |
3 |
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE
|
|
level 1 |
1 the wife
dresses sexy and the husband feels jealousy when she goes out with her
friends |
2 the
husband feels that the wife can only dress sexy for him and not for anyone
else or any other business appointment |
3 |
This is Table 1c (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
MODEL
THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD
SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
level 3 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
level 2 |
4 |
5 |
6 AFFECTIVE
|
|
level 1 |
1 the wife
isn’t able to hang out with her friends at all |
2 the
husband can only let the wife hang out with certain friends he approves of |
3 |
(c) Discuss what these data
show or prove.
I
think in using these different illustrations shows how the male and female
compromise to make the other person happy, sad, more dominant, or equal. There are many different feelings that allow
the male and female to express in order to keep the relationship moving towards
a certain goal. Many times the husband
and wife agrees on doing things equally so that both of them will be happy;
however, the wife really wants the husband to help out more in the
relationship.
(a) Describe the Web presence of Schlessinger, Tannen,
Coleman, and Swedenborg. What does one find when looking them up with google?
(a) According
to the search on google search, there are 608,000 results popping up for “Dr.
Laura Schlessinger”. She has her own
website, and in addition, there are many websites that support her and promote
her philosophy. A couple of the sites
that I looked at are against the beliefs of Dr. Schlessinger. Overall, her presence on the web has a good
balance of positive and negative views.
(b) What
do people say about them?
People say that her ideas,
beliefs, and herself is very controversial.
The way she talks to people and gives advice is so…harsh, mean, direct,
forceful, demeaning, and just all the negative words one can think of.
(c) Do
they seem to have influence?
People do have some
influence on her because they protested against her talk show and now is banished. However, people still call-in for advice
during her radio talks. So many people
support Dr. Laura’s views, it’s unbelievable.
For example, they pay over hundred bucks just to go listen to her talk
at a seminar.
(d) Are
they popular?
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is
popular because her name is out there being both positive and negative. She has many books out that people enjoy
reading, TV shows create characters that holds her views, beliefs, and
sometimes her character with a different name, and she even had her own talk
show banished from TV. The amount of
attention she gets from people whether is good, bad, and both boosts up her
name in society.
(e) How do
you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these four
authors?
After reading the
philosophy, beliefs, and ideas of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, I find it very
negative. What I come away from learning about her is that I don’t like
her. I find many of her idea, if not
all, offensive and very dominant. It’s
not very sensible either. I don’t
understand why people agree with her ideas, especially women who are coming to
her for advice. Many of the advice
given by Dr. Schlessinger just makes the women feel bad and guilty. Okay, I agree to some of the things Dr.
Schlessinger says, but still, there has to be a line to her hard criticisms to
everyone. I don’t like how she is so
direct and assertive in her ideas. Her
views aren’t the best views at all. I
have to say it again; I just don’t like her at all. All the biographies of her make her such a hypocrite person and
people are still listening to her advice, which doesn’t even work. People
should be asking someone who has a successful marriage and not someone who has
strong opinions about life and failed relationships. I’m frustrated at these people.
(f)
Discuss some of their ideas with friends and report how they react.
I took a couple of my
friends, and they started to be speechless at some of her ideas. They couldn’t believe that people were
actually asking an inexperienced person advice to improve their marriage and
relationships. The females were against
majority of what Dr. Laura preached, but they did take in consideration of the
fact that women do make mistakes and that when Dr. Laura points them out to
them it’s okay. The males agree to
that. Both genders agree to the fact
that women aren’t always right and the men shouldn’t be so dominant. They also think that some of Dr. Laura’s
advice is good, but don’t take all of them because they “will” ruin some
relationships. People should work out
their own relationship problems on their own or ask someone with experience.
(a) According
to the search on google search, there are 553,000 results popping up for
“Deborah Tannen”. Majority of the
websites talked about her and the books she has written from the linguistic
view. She seems to be a positive
person.
(b) What
do people say about them?
People find her books
interesting that are why she was able to be on the bestseller list four times
in a row.
(c) Do
they seem to have influence?
She does have an influence
on people because they are buying her books and having her come speak to people
about different communication styles, techniques, and relationships.
(d) Are
they popular?
Yes, she is popular among
readers and people who are looking for self help books. She is also invited on a couple of talk
shows to share her views with people.
(e) How do
you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these four
authors?
I find that her
information, beliefs, and ideas to be reasonable because she does have a PhD in
what she is teaching. In addition to
that, she does many experiments and observations to understand many different
types of relationship of communications.
What I like is that she also looks into the social aspect and the
cultural aspect of people not only the gender.
(f)
Discuss some of their ideas with friends and report how they react.
My friends find her
observations very interesting and learned some interesting fact about her when
I introduced the book “Gender and Discourse” to them. They find that many of her research apply to them and then can
relate themselves to the scenarios.
(a) According
to the search on google search, there are 334,000 results popping up for
“Joshua Coleman Psychologist”. He seems
to have a positive vibe on the Web. He
also has a lot of books published that people enjoy reading.
(b) What
do people say about them?
People think that he’s very
helpful because he even has his own forum online to talk to them about their
problems and in helping them solve their problems. He is friendly, honest, and straightforward when he gives advice.
(c) Do
they seem to have influence?
Of course he has an
influence on people. His ideas and
beliefs make sense and are reasonable.
His books are categorized at self-help books, so people can actually go
and read his books to improve their relationships.
(d) Are
they popular?
Yes he is popular among the
therapy world. He had been invited to
speak all over the world on radio shows and TV shows. Many of his advice were published in big newspapers across the
states, such as New York Times and The Chicago Tribune.
(e) How do
you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these four
authors?
I actually like reading his
book. Overall I find it positive and
not too forceful in accepting his ideas.
(f)
Discuss some of their ideas with friends and report how they react.
My girl friends thought
that he makes many good points when I explained to them about Joshua Coleman’s
ideas in “The Lazy Husband.” They
agreed with the fact that men have to learn to take responsibility in the relationship
in order to make the relationship work.
It will also help them to be a more happy man in knowing that he has
contributed to the happiness of his wife, family, and himself.
(a) According
to the search on google.com, there are 372,000 results popping up for “Emanuel
Swedenborg”. Many of his ideas and
writings refer to the religious aspect of a relationship.
(b) What
do people say about them?
People say that he was a
genius because he was an inventor, a scientist, a civil servant, and a
philosopher before he accepted God's call to be a rational revelator during the
Age of Enlightenment.
(c) Do
they seem to have influence?
Swedenborg’s theological
writings do have influence more on the religious society because of all the
eternity beliefs of heaven and hell.
The unity model works for the churches because they can relate it to the
Bible and what the Lord says and plans for his creations. According to Wikipedia, he has influenced
many people including the Pope Benedict XVI.
(d) Are
they popular?
He isn’t that popular
because for the longest time he published his work anonymously. He is well known among the religious world.
(e) How do
you react to this Web information now that you are familiar with these four
authors?
I find that his work is interesting
and very deep. All the website relating
to him all talks mainly about his spiritual works and very informative. There are still many things that I cannot
comprehend because I don’t understand the spiritual ream he experienced and
described.
(f)
Discuss some of their ideas with friends and report how they react.
Many of my friends found it
difficult to read and understand Swedenborg.
They couldn’t get past the fact that he actually transcended into the
spiritual world and took account of all that happened over the long period of
time he was being duel. In addition to
that, the non-religious friends kept bringing up the question of “what ifs,”
such as what if a person doesn’t believe in heaven as in the Buddhist
view. How does Swedenborg’s research
relate to the people of different beliefs of life, cultures, religion, and
experiences?
One topic. One important
advice is DON’T PROCRASTINATE!!! “Procrastination” is the best pressure pusher
or motivator. Whether you like it or
not, it’s just not a good idea. There’s
so much interesting things to learn in this class that you would want to make
enough time to do all the reading and all the editing for your papers. Another thing is that if you are lost in
this class, don’t worry. There are
other people in the class that are worst off than you, so just ask for help
from your classmates. This is a good
class for all those people who are in a relationship, not in a relationship, is
married, and for anyone who’s interested in gender relationships. There’s so much application you can use
too. The information you learn in this
class, you can actually see the results and things you are learning in everyday
life. Another thing is, it is easy to
skip class because it’s only once a week, but I advise you not to skip
class. You can learn things from your
classmates because they can bring up questions and issues you have never
thought about. Interesting stuff.
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/wong/Interestingstuff.htm
Class Home Page:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm
My Home Page:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/wong/wong-home.htm