Report
1
Disjunctive vs.
Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior in Couples
by Keston Aquino-Michaels
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-report1.htm
G26 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm
Section A: Categorizing
Interactions Using the Ennead Chart
The
Ennead chart: (READ
TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
PHASE THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
UNITY |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
EQUITY |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
DOMINANCE |
1 |
2 |
3 |
This
table can be found Here
1.
Sensorimotor
Dominance (1)
In
Prime, David walks out on Raffi when she
criticizes and yells at him for being childish and violating her rules about
the apartment.
In
The Painted Veil, Walter insists on reading and studying his
bacteriology when Kitty wants to go out and do something social.
2.
Dominance
Cognitive Thinking (2)
In
Prime, David tells her he can make the relationship work because he
loves her, but he ignores Raffi’s insistence that he
can’t give her what she needs.
In
Painted Veil, Walter insists on dragging Kitty into cholera infested
3.
Dominance
Affective (3)
When
David tells Raffi that his mother refused to meet her
because she isn’t Jewish, he is insensitive to Raffi’s
hurt and rejection (as indicated in her voice).
Throughout
three quarters of the film Walter displays constant disregard for Kitty’s
feelings.
4.
Equity
Negotiated Interaction (4)
Raffi asks to see what David does on a Friday night and David agrees
to take her clubbing with the younger set.
In
5.
Equity
Cognitive (5)
Raffi and David are in Equity Cognitive mode when David admires the
art piece in her apartment, Raffi declares it is her
favorite, and David later arranges a private dinner so she can sit and eat
before the original.
In
The Painted Veil Walter basically dares Kitty to eat the salad (washed
probably with diseased water) and when she does, he grabs the bowl and begins
vigorously munching it as well.
6.
Equity
Affective (6)
No
examples of both parties giving in to each other come to mind for either film.
7.
Sensorimotor
Unity (7)
Raffi and David experience Sensorimotor Unity (however brief) in
their sexual relationship, even though Raffi says she
did not have an orgasm.
Walter
and Kitty, after their night of passion, start visiting the water wheel
construction and hospital together.
8.
Cognitive Unity (8)
Raffi and David do not experience Cognitive Unity.
No
example of Cognitive Unity is patent in The Painted Veil.
9.
Unity Affective (9)
Raffi and David do not achieve this state.
Walter
and Kitty experience Cognitive Unity when Walter, learning that Kitty is
pregnant, asks if the baby is his. When she admits she does not know, he then
says, “it doesn’t matter now, does it?”
(a) Prime
vs. The Painted Veil: Brief Summaries
In
Prime, a thirty-seven year old recent divorcee and affluent career Manhattanite, Raffi, meets and is
attracted to a twenty-three year old, David, who is basically in a dead end
“art” job and living with his grandparents in Brooklyn. Despite the significant age difference, the
two commence a relationship, mostly it appears, fueled
by an intense sexual connection.
Unbeknownst to either Raffi or David, David’s
mother is Raffi’s therapist, Lisa, a fact which
provides the only humor in the film.
Obstacles faced by the couple include a loss of employment for David and
David’s Judaism, and in specific, his family’s expectations that he will be in
a relationship with a Jewish woman. When David is compelled for financial
reasons to move in with Raffi, their relationship
unravels quickly as David lays in bed, plays video games, messes up the
apartment, and has his misogynist friend, Morris, over for a beer. Raffi and David break up at the end of the movie despite
proclaiming love for each other, the premise being that “love is not always
enough.”
David
and Raffi start their relationship with lies. Raffi tells her
therapist, Lisa, that the young man she is seeing is only twenty-seven. David tells his mother that the woman he has
met is also twenty-seven. On their first date Raffi
remarks, “how come you seem so much older than me?” which is meant to be a
compliment to David. Later, however she chastises him for starting a sentence
with “my mom.”
At
one point, after David loses his job, the two go on a weekend trip to visit Raffi’s gay friends in
A
pivotal scene is where David has his peer Morris over for a beer. David knows that Raffi
is very territorial and does not like people in her space. When Raffi comes home unexpectedly during the day to a messy
house and a beer in David’s hand, she suspects he has company and freaks out.
“What is wrong with you?” she yells when she finds out he was lying that he was
alone (after Morris emerges from the closet where he was hiding with the cat).
She calls the two “god-damn preschoolers.”
David’s response is that he can’t take her controlling him anymore and
that she should “get a dog.”
Raffi asks for a break saying that David is “not right for me.” She says she can’t trust him anymore and that
he is “in no place to give me what I need.” After a hiatus during which David
has a one-night stand with a model and then, subsequently rekindles briefly
with Raffi before she finds out about the model, the
two have a last confrontation. Once
again Raffi says David cannot give her what she
wants. David apologizes and says he is
“learning as I go along” and that he is trying “to get it right.” He begs for another chance because “I love
you so much I’ll figure it out.” But Raffi refuses.
The
Painted Veil portrays a very
different relationship. Walter Fane, a bacteriologist, proposes to Kitty, an
English socialite, on their first “date” when he barely knows her. Kitty is compelled
to accept because she is past her prime (by 1925 British standards) and her
opportunities for marriage are dwindling. She moves to
In
one of the first scenes of the couple in
The
scene where Walter blackmails Kitty is riveting. Walter tells her she must
accompany him to the cholera infested village, clearly as punishment for her
infidelity. Here Kitty begs Walter to
divorce her quietly, but to do it nicely, letting her divorce him (the proper
English way). Instead Walter says he
will divorce her for adultery, which he knows will bring unbearable shame to
her and her family. Her only option is
to persuade her lover, the diplomat, to divorce his
wife and marry Kitty, a scenario Walter knows full well will not happen. When
Kitty says that dragging her into
Once
they are in the countryside, the tension continues as Walter goes to feverish
work at the hospital run by French nuns and Kitty eventually also volunteers to
help the nuns with the orphans. One
evening, Kitty and Walter have one of their first honest, face to face
conversations. Kitty says she’s just “an
ordinary girl” who likes ordinary things – tennis and the like. She isn’t the
sophisticated girl Walter may have envisioned (he dragged her to art galleries
in
The
most touching scene of the movie takes place after Walter and Kitty have shared
a night of sudden passion and finally begin to look at each other (literally,
their eyes never met until this time). They start spending time together and
she goes with him as he tries to build a water wheel to provide clean water to
the village. But then Kitty finds out she is pregnant and due to the timing,
does not know who the father is. Walter
asks her, “Is it mine?” and Kitty replies, in tears, “I don’t know.” Walter pauses and looks away and then looks
at her forgivingly and says, “All that doesn’t matter now, does it?” Kitty
shakes her head “no” and they embrace.
When Walter is dying of cholera on the
outskirts of the city, Kitty rushes to care for him. But the camp has run out of saline and
Walter’s dehydration worsens. “Forgive
me,” he says. “There is nothing to
forgive,” Kitty replies.
The final scene is of Kitty in the same
floral shop where Walter proposed. It is
five years later and she is with a little boy, her son, who says he likes the
flowers and encourages her to buy them.
She picks out one for each of them. Outside on the street she and her
son, named Walter, run into the diplomat who makes an overture to her which she
brushes off. She is no longer interested and walks away holding her Walter’s
son’s hand.
(b) Comparison and Contrast
In
Prime, the couple begin with a headlong rush
toward Unity. They profess incredible connection and intense emotional
feelings. They exude with a sense of “rightness” for one another. David does little to dominate Raffi, which is what one would actually expect from a
significantly younger man. The two have few disagreements. David lets Raffi lead him. When she wanted to see where he lived and
he refused, her insistence got her to the apartment, even when it posed an
issue of embarrassment for David. They have a passionate sexual connection and Raffi gushes that she would like to knit his penis “a
little hat.”
In
contrast, Kitty marries Walter hardly knowing him and certain she does not love
him. Walter apparently is infatuated with the idea of Kitty, but had no idea
who she really is. Their marriage is tense and formal. They sleep in separate
beds in
Walter’s
Dominance in The Painted Veil is blatant. He decides where they are going and over
Kitty’s protests, drags her into the cholera countryside. Because he is angry with her over her
infidelity, he cares nothing for her comfort or health. He shows her to her room in the run down village
house and when she touches a doll on the bed tells her it is probably disease-ridden. He constantly tries to terrify her with the
prospect of cholera and death. He didn’t get her a vaccination before they set
out (although he could have). When salad is offered at dinner he tells her not
to eat it, but does so in a daring, challenging way so that she is compelled to
do just that. Their hostility toward one another is palpable.
In
contrast, Raffi and David float along in blissful
romance until the rude awakening. David
loses his job and he has no where to live. Raffi lets
him move in with her. But he is still
unemployed. Raffi has the expectation that he will
paint perhaps (she encouraged his artistic abilities) and keep the house
tidy. But instead he reverts to selfish
and boyish behavior. He sleeps in late. He plays video games. When a girlfriend
asks Raffi what she’s getting David for his birthday
and Raffi says that David wants a new video game
console, the girlfriend says, something like “that’s the end of your sex life.”
David doesn’t even look up at Raffi who is asking him
to come to bed –instead his eyes are glued to the video game.
Thus,
Kitty and Walter are married and start with Walter in Dominance. Raffi and David are unmarried and begin with apparent
Unity. The reason why Raffi and David do not start
with Dominance is probably because David, the male, is the significantly
younger and less powerful partner. Raffi lives in the
mult-million dollar apartment and David with his
grandparents. Raffi has a career and David’s is
basically non-existent.
David
becomes Dominant, however, when he revolts against Raffi’s
upset over his childish behavior involving Morris and the apartment. He tells
her to “get a dog.” He raises his voice toward her. He tells her he can’t take
it anymore.
In
contrast, Kitty and Walter slowly, but perhaps not consciously, move toward
Equity when Kitty (over Walter’s objections) leaves the house and insists on
making herself useful at the French hospital. This results in Kitty being in
the same building as Walter and provides opportunity for the two of them to see
each other administering to the sick, in Walter’s case, and to the children, in
Kitty’s case. A mutual admiration quietly grows. They begin to do things
together (sit after dinner, she at needlepoint and Walter with a book) and Walter
begins to actually talk with her and look at her.
Unity
is achieved with Kitty and Walter when they rush toward each other in passion
one night. Clearly it is mutual and there is nothing formal and hesitant. This
begins a period in their marriage when they are inseparable. She accompanies
him on his trips to make sure the water wheel is being properly constructed.
The two continue to work at the convent/hospital caring for the cholera
victims. They are united in purpose and goals.
(c) Influence of Film on the
Young
A
film like Prime encourages young people to rush into relationships
without considering whether they have potential for the long haul. Sex outside
of marriage is “fun” and “exhilarating.”
David and Raffi are perfect humans, with
perfect bodies and faces. Although the film ends with them being apart, it
leaves a glimmer of hope that maybe if David grows up and matures, they might
make it. The film unrealistically portrays socio-cultural conflict (David’s
Judaism) as an irrational, almost archaic concern.
The
Painted Veil gives a
different image of relationships. Love can grow in the most unlikely places,
even between two people who may have intensely hated one another. Love can grow
out of admiration and compassion. Walter is cruel to Kitty, but she realizes,
in watching his unwavering care for the sick, that he is a caring, kind person
(underneath his stiff exterior). Walter sees Kitty peel away her socialite
image as she helps with the orphans and he forgives her for her infidelity.
Section
B: Findings of a Prior Generation
(a)
Observations of a Prior Generation
Angela Murray:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/murray/murray-409b-g25-report1.htm
Angela Murray begins by discussing how the first anti-unity
value of living together unmarried is against the unity model. She explains
that people remain unmarried because they are afraid of commitment. Commitment
is not something people in this day an age are comfortable with. However she
states that commitment is one of the primary goals of unity model of marriage.
She does however explain that another possible reason why people live together
unmarried is because it is a way of seeing whether they can still have a
functional marriage whilst living together.
However, Angela Murray again comes back to commitment as the
primary issue. She thinks that it is easier to leave if something goes wrong
when you are not married. At the end of her analysis of this anti-unity value
you stress that two people cannot be fully conjoined if they live with one foot
out the door so to speak.
Her analysis continues a step further when she discusses
anti unit value number two which is having children out of Wedlock. This can
have the most negative effect on the child itself. The child may never develop
a full sense of completion in life. Something may always be missing for him or her,
which can never be replaced. In our society it seems the mother and the father
are pivotal elements in a child’s life which when one is missing can initiate
cascades of intrapersonal issues.
In the next anti-unity analysis
She then begins to discuss a personal recollection involving
her ex-boyfriend. She met her ex-boyfriends best friend and her fiancée
Kristen. It’s a rather interesting story in fact because the best friend Vito
left for
She feels that this is a perfect example of the anti-unity
value 8 because she had to compete with the fiancée for Dan’s (the
ex-boyfriend) attention. She feels that the unity model is primarily about
putting your partner’s needs before really anyone else. He did not want to do
that therefore he practiced anti-unity values.
In addition,
Katie Ide:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/ide/ide-409b-g25-report1.htm
Ide found anti-unity values prevalent throughout our society. She has
seen anti-unity values on the T.V., movies, music, essentially every form of
media that assaults us in today’s society. She thinks that women are in fact
continually trying to unify themselves with a man, and are trying to be with
him at all costs. Ide feels that women more readily
push away friends and other activities to be with the man because she knows
ultimately the conjunction of the two of them is far more important than
hanging with the girls. Ide was in fact ashamed to have participated in these
anti-unity values and had never, not once thought about them as being contradictory
to unity until have taken the course.
Afonin:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/afonin/afonin-report1.htm
I changed gears yet again only to find Afonin’s work on anti-unity values. Afonin
feels that society is neglecting the importance of the relationship when it
puts more emphasis on one night stands, and friends with sexual benefits than
it does on long lasting meaningful relationships. Afonin
feels that such behavior in our society is extremely detrimental to our
three-fold-self’s affective organ, our mind and our motivation. He feels that
in order to achieve unity one must look past the derelict values of society and
focus on the highest importance at hand, unity.
Afonin
understands that these elements are critical for conjunction and outlines the
important elements necessary to achieve such status. Afonin
understands that it can be difficult at times to live ideally and not perpetrate
these anti-unity values but at the same time Afonin
sees the beautiful symbiosis between the man and the woman and the necessary
steps towards unity. Afonin recognizes that men are
particularly bad at staying unified and thus, these anti-unity values are
primarily aimed at men. Afonin believes that unity is
possible in our society however at the cost and sacrifice of many other things
in a man’s life.
Crystal Bulda:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/bulda/bulda-409b-g25-report1.htm
I’ve now decided to switch gears again
to Bulda’s feelings on Anti-Unity values. She says
that a man needs to fully understand that a relationship depends on him
realizing that he is not the most important person in the relationship and that
it is in fact the woman who is the most important. She feels that the man needs
to put the woman far above and beyond his own priorities in order to achieve a
unified status. She seems to understand very clearly that women are trying
their best to be unified in our society and it is the men who are constantly
trying to work against unity.
The anti-unity values are primarily aimed at men who have
the hardest time abiding by them. She understands also that there is no
reciprocity between a man and a woman once they are in unity. She wrote about a
common issue regarding same sex friends and when they go out to party. This a very interesting phenomenon because it seems that
teenagers and young adults love to put their friends before their boyfriends
and girlfriends. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the two people don’t want
to be unified rather it gives some kind of indication that the relationship
with their boyfriend or girlfriend is temporary and could change at any moment.
If a person were to actually fully commit to another person at any stage in
their life then they would have no need to prioritize their friends above their
girlfriend or boyfriend.
Furthermore, in an increasingly ideal society, a friend
would never demand that he/she prioritize his/her boyfriend over his/herself
because he/she should already understand the importance of unity and so forth
and possibly be working toward the unity model of marriage themselves.
Bulda then
discusses the issue of the media’s exploitation of women for the pleasure of
men. She feels that it is portrayed in various genres how the degradation of
women is used for comedy, horror, drama, action movies and in normal television
shows. Bulda feels that the society completely
exploits women dressing them as whores, using them as slaves, portraying them
as nothing more than airheads and placing the woman’s sole value on her
willingness and ability to fornicate. She feels this is exactly the opposite of
what society should be doing.
I’ve decided to change gears yet again, however this time I
would like to focus more on the finding different opinions and different realizations
in the prior generations. It has been found that many of the prior generations disscuss how going out with same sex friends shocks them as
being anti-unity value and how the eventually come to realize that it makes
sense as an anti-unity value because it goes against unification by
perpetuating independence. Mental independence does not exist in the unity
model because people need to have conjunction to be enlightened. Nevertheless,
I have decided to investigate the report of Akiyama next.
Tiffany Akiyama:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/akiyama/akiyama-409b-g25-report1.htm
Tiffany discusses anti-unity value 11, which talks about how
separate interests and activities are accepted for partners. In a somewhat
predictable fashion she states that this is completely against unity because is
encourages independence.
Tragic indeed but one must see the slippery slope that a man
faces in society with regard to unity. It is far too easy to escape to another
realm and disconnect him from the entities that matter most, his personal unity
with his wife. Futhermore she feels that avoidance
and separation beliefs reflect the way a husband thinks about the relationship
meaning according to Akiyama that the relationship with his wife is not very important.
Continuing with Akiyama, she like so many other previous
generations decided to discuss Anti-Unity value number 8. “Having
a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition
for certain things.” Akiyama feels that this allows the husband to be
influenced by external elements rather than his wife. This means that there is
a chance the husband will prioritize something else in his life instead of his
wife. This is obviously an extremely dangerous possibility because again it
could lead to the apoptosis of their relationship.
She feels that this Anti-unity value allows a man to be
influenced by Anti-Unity values 11, 13, 22, and 23. This of course makes
perfect sense upon analysis. If a man prioritizes anything else but his wife it
forces the woman to compete for his love which is something that she should
never have to do. According to Akiyama, this is completely unsexy
because the wife or women is forced to feel inadequate and unloved by the man
in question.
Perhaps the most interesting element Akiyama has pointed out
is that by accepting one AUV you open the door to many more Anti-Unity values
and at that point it becomes exceedingly difficult to maintain a relationship.
She feels that Anit-Unity values are the greatest
barrier a husband must face if he wishes to achieve a sexy conjugial
conversation style. She feels that all the Anti-Unity values are very cold and
very unsexy behaviors towards the wife. She feels
that trying to maintain a independent self is an unsexy behavior that a wife will recognize. This
recognition will make Unity increasingly difficult for the both of them.
(b) My
reactions to their findings:
Society should be emphasizing the reality of the afterlife
or the reality of eternity rather than regarding people as animals capable of
only one true motivation. It’s a sickening lesson we must learn as a society
however I feel that in time the unity model and the understanding that unity
after marriage has the greatest impact on our well being will drive our society
its greatest époque.
In a sense, these anti-unity values represent the cold
reality of Godlessness our society is plagued with. There are far too many
atheists who trample on the fabric of society and undermine the importance of
God and the afterlife. The religions are the institutions that give the most
to the world and it religion that is capable of aiding our society to reach
a state of understanding as a whole. Anti-Unity values are still anti-unity
values in the eyes of God and the reality of eternity is something our society
needs to be cognizant of.
I feel myself understanding the concepts of unity better and
better each day by writing about them. I feel as if my words force me to work
out and mead the concepts of Unity as I type. Fantastic!
(c) Effects
of Gender Portrayals on Younger Generations:
I found a very interesting trend in all the reports that
I read. I made some comments regarding what I found in their reports as I
was summarizing my observations. In general, I found a very high prevalence of
people commenting on going out with same sex friends or having same sex
activities or having any activities that did not involve the wife or
girlfriend. I think this was the most commented on because it is the one
Anti-Unity value that people break the most.
I suppose that people have been participating and engaging
in same sex or separate activities sine they were children and find it very
difficult to believe and simply surprising that it is anti-unity to do so. Most
of them came to realize that the reason having separate or same sex activities
were considered anti-unity is because it encourages independence and
independent thought. Some of the prior generations made it very clear that in
their opinion the Anti-Unity values applied only to men and that they were
irrelevant to women. I believe prior students felt this because conjunction
lies squarely on the shoulders of the man.
Furthermore, there is the underlying issue of independence
that these prior generations seem to keep touching upon. There seems to be an
ever present desire to be independent throughout one’s life. I find this very
fascinating as there are many contradictions that one could find indicating
that solitude and inner piece are the most essential elements of life yet at
the same time I find evidence from Swedenborg that the most important aspect in
life is not enlightenment through solitude but rather enlightenment through
unification or conjunction with another person.
It is our spirits that move as one in the after life that we
must truly strive for. If people could only see the reality of the afterlife
the way Swedenborg did they would do everything in their power to achieve a
conjugial relationship with someone. It is perhaps the ignorance and the naivety
of society that is the most strikingly dismal. Our culture needs to set many
things straight before any real progress can be made.
There are far too many dominance model relationships
throughout the world that displease greatly the afterlife and God. Western
society could even be portrayed as an embarrassment in the eyes of God and
other societies throughout the world. The solution to the problems of the world
lies in the fact that people are not achieving Unity. How great this world
would be if each person resonated with another, in this world and the next. How
constructive our society could be if only the proper values were addressed
towards women in the media. I suppose that there would be no war and far less
famine if each person was able to unify his/her self with another.
I believe that the goal unity is not only to unify two
people so they may be one entity in the eternity but to transform society and
perhaps the world’s population in a mass of enlightened resonating constructive
organism. I believe that God’s intention is to have that organism be
resuscitated in the after life and continue towards greatness. All these
fabulous elements of the universe and the heavens are possible when two people
become unified.
The relevance of my findings to my everyday life:
Since day one in this course I have been trying to relate
the concepts of this course to my everyday life. I’ve found a startling
accuracy with the unity model. I’ve found that virtually any interaction can be
categorized into the Unity Model and the further categorized based on the
3-Fold-Self. Since most of prior generational students commented on separate
and same sex activities, I’ve noticed how important the lack of independence is
to achieve Unity. I found their comments on the Anti-Unity values extremely
relevant to the issues of today’s society. For example I find that the media’s
portrayal of women is completely outlandish and inappropriate.
In my own life I feel a great disparity on a daily basis and
these Anti-Unity values certainly help me to understand that this disparity is
caused by a lack of unity, yet at the same time I can’t imagine living my life
completely following all of the Anti-Unity values. There seems to be a very
strong duality to the situation. While on one hand I know my
Younger girls and boys need to be absolutely educated about
the Unity Model of Marriage and how important it is to practice good unifying
behavior. Children should be educated about the positive bias and they should
be aware that it is NOT ok to perpetuate Anti-Unity behavior if they want to
achieve Unity and harmonious eternity.
(d)
Research:
Promoting Male Responsibility for Gender Equality, Health Bridge 2006, Summary Report of Research from Bangladesh, India and Vietnam
healthbridge.ca/Assets/Images/PDF/Gender/gender%20summary.pdf
In this article the anti-unity values deeply ingrained in these foreign cultures, are explored. For example, in India, the majority of women believe their husbands have the right to beat them for not having dinner prepared on time. All women in these three countries feel undervalued and their societies reinforce this value. Although in all three countries husbands and wives believed they were in "life partner" relationships, the values that permeated their relationships belie any approach toward unity. In truth, they are so far from equality that unity appears out of the question. For example, couples find violence against women "acceptable" for transgressions such as late dinner and improper child care.
The Jewish Standard, Marital Relations Focus of New Study
jstandard.com/articles/2262/1/marital-relations-focus-of-new-study
This article refers to research conducted on the Jewish niddah laws which pertain to a man's contact with his wife during menstruation and the seven days following menstruation. In Jewish law, for this period, a woman is "unclean" and her husband must have limited, if any, contact with her. Clearly, this cultural behavior is antithetical to unity. A husband cannot even "share couch cushions" kiss, or pass utensils.
Twelker, Paul (1998) Innovations In Sexual Therapy: Alternative Perspectives Consistent with the Scriptural Model of the One-Flesh Union.
www.tiu.edu/psychology/twelker/nurturing
This analysis offers an "innovative sexual response model" which, on first impression, seems to aimed toward "unity" as set forth in the Ennead Chart. However, upon closer examination, the emphasis on "sex" and not the relationship dynamic that leads to sex, ultimately appears to conflict with Ennead Chart unity. The be-all-end-all is sex, and although this model professes to aim toward "spiritual" "unity" sex, the model is fundamentally flawed.
Section C: Disjunctive
versus conjunctive Analysis
(a)
Unsexy
(Disjuntive) versus Sexy (Conjunctive) Summary
Conversation
styles of the man can result in a disjunctive relationship with the woman. An “unsexy”
disjunctive conversation style is one in which the man thinks of his own needs (more sex) and not of the woman’s needs for
friendship and intimacy as a precursor to loving sex. An unsexy
conversation may often be about sex and the man’s complaint that it is never
enough. An unsexy conversation is filled with
disagreement and contradiction by the male.
Little does the average man know that talking less about sex, but rather
listening to the woman with sincere interest and attention, would result in
more sex. Unity and ultimately, conjugial heaven, can only be achieved when the
man puts his mind in the frame of the woman’s mind and her needs and interests.
(b)
Statement
of Opinion
In
my opinion there may be validity to this. I find that my girlfriend is more
loving and affectionate if we talk about her concerns and worries (about
school, the future, her dog’s health) rather than my hinting that it’s been X
number of days since we last had sex. But it isn’t good enough if I just nod
and say “uh, huh,” over and over. I must look her in the eye and actually be
interested in what she has to say.
(c)
Snippet Analysis
Snippet
No. 1, from Gender and Discourse, Tannen, page 37:
Isadora:
It was something in the movie, wasn’t it?
Bennett:
What in the movie?
Isadora:
It was the funeral scene. . the little boy looking at
his dead mother. Something got you there. That was when you got depressed.
Bennett:
Silence.
Isadora:
Well, wasn’t it?
Bennett:
Silence.
Isadora:
Oh, come on, Bennett you’re making me furious. Please tell me. Please.
This
is a clear example of disjunctive behavior on Bennett’s part. He simply refuses to answer Isadora, despite
her repeatedly inquiries and even her final begging. He would rather harbor his
own feelings internally (for whatever selfish reason) rather than open up and
share them with Isadora.
Snippet
No. 2, from Gender and Discourse, Tannen, pages
145-146:
Marianne:
(Searchingly) Has something happened, Johan?
Johan:
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I swear.
Marianne:
We’re pretty honest with each other, you and I. Aren’t
we?
Johan:
I think so.
Marianne:
It’s awful to go around bottling things up. One must speak out, however painful
it is. Don’t you think?
Johan:
(Irritably) Hell, yes. What time is it?
Here
Johan is not giving reactive and friendly response to Marianne. Her concerns about his feelings are dismissed
by Johan. In fact, he lies to her that
nothing has happened when it is clear (by his impatient evasiveness) that
something is certainly amiss. He tries
to avoid the conversation altogether by changing the subject from something
very serious and potentially intimate, to something as trivial and trite as the
time. “Hell, yes” is also a hostile response to Marianne’s caring inquiry.
Section D: Advice to future generations
(a) What I’ve learned:
This course has
opened my eyes to the positive bias in psychology. It has made me realize that
science entertains the possibility of the existence of the afterlife in which
couples live together in Unity forever. This concept does require one to think
“outside the box” so to speak because the traditional marriage vows have always
been “to death do us part” as if death does indeed separate married persons.
The concept of conjugial love and unity turns this principle on its head.
(b) Advice to future generations:
My advice to future
generations learning the principles of Swedenborg and attempting to understand
the often elusive material is this – be patient and take your time going over
the material. It may take several readings to even briefly grasp the dynamic
that is described. Instead of rejecting these unconventional ideas outright,
start to apply the principles to films you see and the interactions of your
parents and friends. You may just be
amazed how the “unsexy” conservation does indeed
promote strife and stress while the considerate and conciliatory “sexy”
conversation promotes loving behavior.
Section E:
My Home Page:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2007/aquinomichaels/aquinomichaels-home.htm
G26 Class Home Page:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/classhome-g26.htm