Report 1
Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior in Couples
by Lida Atkinson
Section A Section
B Section C Section
D Section E
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-report1.htm
G26 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm
Section A: Categorizing Interactions Using the Ennead Chart
Analyze and contrast two movies. The
first is Prime (2005) Uma Thurman, Merill Streep, Byan
Greenberg. See: www.primemovie.net/index.php
The second one is a movie of your choice that is contrastive
(e.g., one that portrays more positive interactions of the couple’s threefold
self).
Chart the relationship of the couple
in each movie. Use Sections 15, 16, 17, and 17a in the Lecture Notes to keep
track of some typical samples of the couple’s verbal or non-verbal
interactions, and what zones they belong to on the chart. Give a sub-title
for each zone for which you have examples. The sub-title should help the
reader interpret the content of the items you categorized in that zone. You
don't have to put these examples of interactions in the box of the chart -- only
the zone number and the sub-title you made up for it. Then, in the text
below the chart, you list and explain all the examples you have, indicating
which zone is involved.
(a) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Describe the story in just one paragraph. Then use “he said-she
said” sequences to show what they are doing in that scene (e.g., “She is trying
to get him to address her point, and he won’t. Instead, he is being evasive or
acting like he is out of it, maybe even stupid or slow witted – which gets her
more and more emotionally disturbed.” etc.). Add descriptions of what happens
in the scene so the reader can understand the context.
Note:
Make each example you choose to cover only a brief exchange, no more than a few
seconds each. You can choose several such brief samples from one longer scene,
or, from different scenes. Your purpose is not so much to discuss fully the
movie and the scenes, but rather to sample and represent the type of gender
interactions the movie portrays.
(b) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Analyze your data. Describe the contrast between the two movies.
(c) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this sub-section. State your conclusions by
discussing the psychological mechanisms of how such movies can influence young
people and the rest of the population in terms of their relationships and in
marriage. Discuss whether or how these effects show up in your experience or
that of the people you know.
Prime
verses 7th Heaven
Rafi (Uma Thurman), is a 37-year-old
photographer recently divorced and on the prowl for a real relationship with a
man that can giver her all that she needs, love, support and most importantly
children. Instead, she finds boy toy David (Bryan Greenberg), a 23-year-old
Jewish artist with little experience and a major immaturity issue. Rafi's
therapist (Meryl Streep) is thrilled that her patient is having fun and living
life, she advises her client to not worry about age differences, religious
differences, and family objections. Until she finds out it’s her own son Rafi
is educating in the manly art of seduction.
Reverend Eric Camden (Stephen
Collins) and his wife Annie (Catherine Hicks) have always had their hands full
caring for seven children, not to mention the friends, sweethearts and spouses
that continually come and go in the
I will provide a few scenes from
these shows and chart them using the Ennead Chart, Table 4 in the Unity Model of Marriage by Dr. Leon James.
This is Table 4 (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM
UP)
|
PHASE THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
UNITY |
7b |
<------8b CU |
<------ 9b |
|
EQUITY |
4b |
<------ 5b |
<------ 6b |
|
DOMINANCE |
1b |
<------ 2b |
<------ 3b |
In this first scene Rafi and David’s
relationship has progressed to stage of moving in together. David was forced to
leave his grandparents home and did not want to move back with his parents.
Having no money and no job, Rafi takes pity and invites him to move in with
her. She has some vague rules that David must abide. For instance she prefers
not to have company in the house unless it is well planned. David has brought
his childhood friend over to the apartment thinking that Rafi would not find
out.
Rafi: “What is wrong with you? I
cant’ believe I have to come home to this, people hiding people in the closet
and you lying. You’re a god damn preschooler, Dave.”
David: “You’ve had me on lock-down
since the minute I moved in here.”
Rafi: “What?”
David: “Yea, you tell me that you
want me here and then you treat me like an inmate.”
Rafi: “An inmate? I mean you barely
carry your weight around here. I do everything and you can’t even clean up the
place. I mean that the one thing you tell me is when you bring someone here.”
David: “This is not such a big deal,
ok. You need to get over it. I am not Francis, I’m not lying to you, I am not
cheating on you, I’m definitely not avoiding you.”
Rafi: “That is really reassuring and
in good taste.”
David: “Whatever, I can’t do this
anymore. You should really get a dog if you want to give orders cause I really don’t give a shit anymore.”
David leaves with his friend.
Example of zone 1 and 2:
1) In
the scene David is looking intently a Rafi and leaning in while she is looking
down and leaning back
2) He
is yelling while she is lowering her voice
3) He
physically removes himself from the argument without trying to understand her
point
4) He
uses profanity to demean her
Example of zone 3:
1) His
need to have a friend over has taken precedence over her need to be notified.
2) He
allows her to provide for him
3) He
does not feel a need to contribute to the chores
4) He
resists her rules
In this scene Eric decided to dress
in a younger style of clothing to impress his son’s teacher who recently
mistakenly thought he was the boy’s grandfather. After speaking with the
teacher he finds that she finds him attractive and is willing to flirt with
him. His wife sees this odd behavior and asks for an explanation.
Annie: “Did you go to work like
that?”
Eric: “I did, but I limited my self
to phone calls and visits with the visually impaired.”
Annie: “Oh, ha ha, did you dress like
that to take the boy’s to school?”
Eric: “I did.”
Annie: “Was the teacher impressed?”
Eric: “She sure was.”
Annie: “You know you don’t want to
mess with the teacher. The boys still have many years of schooling ahead of
them. You don’t want to mess with the education system.”
Eric: “I won’t mess with it if it
doesn’t mess with me. No seriously, Ms. Margo was flirting with me. She was!”
Annie: “Oh ok…I believe you. You’re a
good-looking guy.”
Eric: “That what she said she told
Sam and David. She thinks I am good-looking and they told her that I am their
grandpa.”
Annie: “Why would they do that?”
Eric: “Obviously to protect you. They
want their teacher to think I’m too old for her.”
Annie: “Well, you are too old for
her, despite the Ramones T-shirt, the ball cap, the jeans and the sneakers,
besides, you’re married.”
Eric: “Oh yea…I don’t think she
cares.”
Annie: “Ha. Are you just trying to
make me jealous?”
Eric: “Yes. But I’m telling you the
truth.”
Annie: “Oh. Well, you are making me
jealous, extremely jealous. You want to go upstairs.”
Eric: “I have a weak heart.”
Annie: “Oh yea. Well, remember that
if the teacher calls”
They go upstairs smiling at each
other.
Examples of zone 7 and 8:
1) This
is a very conjoined couple. They look at each other
with smiles and happiness.
2) They
acknowledge a threat of the teachers flirting to the unity of their marriage
without blame.
3) They
are honest and forthright with each other.
Examples of zone 9:
1) Their
intimacy is so great that they disapprove and criticize without any meanness.
2) He
eliminates any distress to his wife before she even feels it.
3) He
recognizes his misguided attempt to impress the teacher and instead invest more
intimacy in his wife
Male Dominance in the Movie Prime
Verses Unity in the TV Show 7th Heaven
Both
couples are faced with threats to their relationships and in each scene both
men have done something that could cause their partners distress. First, I
would like to compare a little of the back ground of the two couples. Rafi and
Dave are newly acquainted and they are just starting to know each other. They
have very different back grounds, she is a gentile and he is a Jew, she is 37
and he is 23, she is wealthy and he is poor, she is divorced and he has only
had two other girlfriends. They are living together without any commitment.
These differences make in difficult for this couple to achieve unity in their
relationship.
Eric
and Annie have been married for many years. They are approximately the same
age, have the same religion and are from the same socioeconomic background.
They started their life together in a committed relationship and have
progressed to a conjoint self. They have most likely have reached eternal love.
Rafi
and David have a terrible argument because of David’s resistance to Rafi’s
protectiveness of their intimate space. He is will to cause her distress for
his desire to remain independent. In this argument he pulls out many of the
male dominance traits in order to get his way. He accuses her of over reacting
and then tries to blame her for his behavior. He is unwilling to see her side
and then removes himself so that she can not tell him how she feels. He later
does a pretty good job of apologizing, but it only demonstrates to Rafi just
how far apart they really are from achieving unity. She finally admits to
herself that she will not be able to have an eternal life with him.
Eric
is disturbed by the fact that his children’s teacher could think he is old
enough to be their grandfather. His wife is out of town when this happens so
decides to try to look younger. He is unprepared for the teacher’s obvious
attraction and pursuit of him. He realizes his mistake and admits what he has
inadvertently done. In her sweet and gentle way, Annie reminds Eric of what she
expects of him and he takes the small chastisement because he has already come
to that conclusion. They reaffirm their love and intimacy with no more than a
few words.
My Conclusions
In
the movie Prime the differences in Rafi and David are glaring, but even with
all their difference they are encouraged to pursue the relationship. Even the
therapist in encouraging until she discovers it is her son. This type of
May/December romance is becoming quite popular with the
7th
Heaven is considered “lame” by most of the young people that I have talked to.
They seem to think it is not reality. “No one can be that good or that in
love.” are the typical responses that are found on internet forums. People may
not believe that they can have this kind of relationship but they sure do want
it. The show has been on for 11 seasons and was recently bought back because of
popular demand. People want to believe that there is eternal love but there is
so much evidence to the contrary in the media. We are inundated with the
statistic that 50% of marriages fail, but what about the 50% that do not fail.
Where are these couples glorified in the media?
Section B: Findings of a Prior Generation
Read the following student reports
from G25, Report 1 that discuss their observations of anti-unity values
(AUVs) that are regularly portrayed in the media.
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/moa/moa-409b-g25-report1.htm
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/akiyama/akiyama-409b-g25-report1.htm
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/bulda/bulda-409b-g25-report1.htm
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/murray/murray-409b-g25-report1.htm
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/gora/gora-409b-g25-report1.htm
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/ide/ide-409b-g25-report1.htm
- www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/afonin/afonin-report1.htm
Now focus in on the Section titled
"Effects of Gender Portrayals on Younger Generation".
(a) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Discuss what the students were trying to show in that Section.
Describe some of the methods they used. Describe some of their findings. Make
sure you refer to the name of the students you report on and give a link to
their report.
(b) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Describe your reactions to their findings. Explain what you
thought of this before your analysis with the course focus. Describe your
current position on this issue and whether it makes a difference to you or to
the people you know.
(c) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Describe the relevance of your findings relevant to your own
interactions in everyday life at work, at home, in families, in public places,
in close relationships, in the teenage generation. Describe some effects that
these portrayals could have on young girls and boys.
(d) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Describe some of the psychology literature about this topic, as
you described it in your report. You'll need to do some research. You can use
any of your textbooks as a source, or journal literature.
Use our library's Web site of electronic
resources to search and access the text of these journal articles on
your topic. http://library.manoa.hawaii.edu/
Make sure you give the full reference to articles you use.
Previous Generation’s Views of the
Effects of Gender Portrayals on the Younger Generation
All
the previous generations agree that children are influenced by what they see in
the media and by the relationships that they see as they grow up. They provide
us with a plethora of examples of the types of media that provide our youth
with anti-unity models of marriage. There are also personal accounts of good and
bad parental modeling.
Laura Moa labels the negative
treatment of woman in rap music as “disjunctive behavior” in her report. She
comments on the language used in rap music, as being “undignified” and
“harmful” to women. Her belief is that due to its enticing nature that rap
music has a negative impact on children.
She feels that even if we are not aware of the anti-unity values in
media they still have an effect.
Tiffany Akiyama’s report was a little
hard to decipher because she did not use the format of the other student
reports, but she seemed to echo the other students’ belief that the media has
an extreme impact on children. She cited some very interesting studies that
indicated just how much television and music affect the lives of our children and
then gave very detailed accounts of the different anti-unity values that were
portrayed in her favorite shows.
Crystal
Bulda is a little vague about the affects of anti-unity values on children. She
makes the point that any anti-unity values that they see present a conflict in
their attempts to make their way in society. I believe her intent is to show
that nature provides children with all the tools they need to enter a unity
relationship but that the media confuses children’s natural instincts by telling
them that what they feel is wrong.
Angela
Murray provides us with a more personal view of the affects of anti-unity
values in the media. She recognizes the relationship of her sister and
brother-in-law as a male dominated one. She believes that her sister learned to
accept the male dominated relationship because of what she saw in the media
while she was growing up. Her worry is that her three nieces are now receiving
a double impact of anti-unity value examples, first from their parents and from
the media.
Christine Gora brings up the issue
of morals in the media. Her belief is that a lack of morals in the media is
leading to premarital sex. She cites the unrestricted access to mature themes
that cable television presents as the reason that children are experimenting
with sex as soon as they enter puberty. She believes that the trend of families
away from education and religion leave children vulnerable to the moral lessons
(or lack of) seen in the media. Although Ms. Gora admits that she and her siblings
did not heed their mother’s advice to wait for marriage to have sex, she
believes that the moral message of the sacredness of marital intimacy has
empowered them to seek unity in their relationships.
Toys, music and television supply
Katie Ide with her evidence of anti-unity in the media. She points out the
unrealistic depiction of women in dolls as the beginning of a girl’s education
of what society expects of her. The size and shape of the dolls tell young
girls that they must be skinny to the point of starvation, but that their
breasts must be huge. The clothing and makeup tell girl’s that they must
highlight the parts of them that men find attractive. She declares that public
service campaigns aimed at increasing the self-esteem of young girls would be
unnecessary if there where less anti-unity values in the media.
In the report written by Afronin, an
attempt is made to determine which gender is more affected by anti-unity values
in the media. Boys are said to be seduced to accept the male dominance model of
marriage while girls are given the conflicting message that they should be
wanton but then are branded for following through on the example the media
gives us. The conclusion is that both boys and girls are equally affected by
values presented in the media.
My Reaction to the Previous
Generation’s Views of the Effects of Gender Portrayals on the Younger
Generation
I agree with Ms. Moa, rap music
separates women from humanity by taking away their value and their power.
Children that view rap videos and listen to rap music begin to think of women
as objects to be used. Boys learn that women are masturbation aids that provoke
no more emotion than a blow-up doll. They are readily available and can be
thrown away at any time. Girls learn that they are interchangeable to men that
their only hope of keeping a man is to be better looking and more willing than
other females.
Women
in the rap culture are expected to provide sex to men and then go away. They
are expected to raise any offspring by themselves. They are even encouraged to
view this abandonment by men as a good thing. They are taught to have pride in
having children by different men and raising them without the help of men. Men
of the rap culture have no guilt over this situation because their women are
proud of their independence.
Ms.
Akiyama provided statistics to back up her statements. By her calculations
children are receiving anti-unity values about 80% of media intake, which on
average is anywhere from 20 to 40 hours a week. I did a little of my own
research a found that children only spend an average of 19 with their parents
and much of this time is spent in chores (http://www.prb.org/Articles/2007/DoParentsSpendEnoughTimeWithTheirChildren.aspx).
It makes me believe that even if parents provide children with a unity model of
marriage that it might not be enough to overcome the influences of the media.
I agree that the media’s anti-unity
depiction of male to female relationships can confuse children, as does Ms.
Bolda, but I believe that it not only sets up conflict with their natural
instincts, but that it also manipulates them to remain in a perpetual childhood
by telling them that they need to focus on themselves an not others.
Self-centeredness is a survival mechanism for children but as they mature their
focus should begin to turn outwards. When an adolescent embarks on the path of
selflessness they are ready to find a partner and share a unity marriage, but
when the media provides example after example of adults gaining success through
selfishness children are conned into believing that selflessness only opens
them up to pain and failure. The net effect is that generation after generation
is kept in a perpetual state of childhood and while they become great consumers
they are condemned to never finding eternal bliss.
Ms. Murray’s concerns are valid.
Children can often resist the influences of media with good parental examples
or if the media influences were better they could learn that there is a better
way to live that the example of their parents. The double impact of poor unity
examples in the media and the male dominance example of their parent’s marriage
increases the odds that the three girls will undervalue themselves and end up
in abusive relationships.
While I agree with Ms. Gora that the demise of
religion and lack of morals in education is leaving children open to the
influences of anti-unity values, I disagree that this is the reason children
are participating in sex earlier. I do not believe that children are seeking
sex earlier, but that they are getting married later. Procreation after the
onset of puberty was the norm throughout most of human history. With the advent
of modern medicine our lives have lengthened and we are choosing to mate later
than we ever have, but the drive to procreate is still with us and it still
starts with puberty.
Premarital sex is not necessarily an anti-unity value.
If sex is the natural progression of a relationship that is headed towards a
unity marriage then it is not anti-unity in nature. However, sex has come to
mean a great deal more than procreation in our society. It has become a symbol
of freedom for woman in their movement to end male dominance and it is now
evolving into meaningless pleasure with no commitment. Sex without mental
intimacy is anti-unity and abusive.
Katie Ide’s
thoughts on the effects of anti-unity values in the media on children is very
passionate if somewhat disjointed. She sees that there is a problem with
children today but seems to believe that it is new. I concur that there is a
problem but I believe that it is something that has progressed over time. I
suspect that the values of our children have gone down with the rise of mass
media. Overall, mass media is a good thing, but we have become a nation of
media whores. We take everything in and do not discriminate what we consume.
Education seems to be the only solution. We need to educate our children to not
consume anti-unity values in the media.
The last report by Afronin sums up my feelings on
anti-unity in the media quite well. While this person feels that the current
situation that children face is “sad”, they see the only way change can occur
is through education. Up until now, consumers of media that wanted a change in
values used government regulation as its primary tool. Censorship has given a
voice to values that would have otherwise been labeled smut by experienced
consumers. Educate the consumers to reject anti-unity values in the media and
they will die at the altar of the all-mighty buck.
How is this Relevant to Me?
I believe that I have been fighting
against anti-unity values in the media all my life. Television was relatively
new when I was a kid (just four channels), but I was hooked from the beginning.
I loved all of the make-believe and action as well as the social commentary. In
the summer when I was out of school, my mother, sister and I would watch the
Phil Donahue show. My mother did not have the same values as Phil, she was very
conservative and his show had a definite liberal lean, but we would all watch
every minute of the show. My mother would ask my sister and I questions as the
show progressed. “Did you understand what he was talking about, girls?”; “Do
you think there was a better way to handle that?”
My mother was interested in teaching
us to think for ourselves. She never criticized our expressions, but she would
make sure that we understood both sides (sometimes more) to what we were
watching. At the end of the show she would share her personal views on the
issues that were presented. In this way
she guided us through the new land of television. I think she recognized that
there would be good and bad things shown on television and she wanted us to be
able to recognize that not everything we were shown was absolutely the truth.
When I write about educating today’s
youth, the lessons that my mother gave me are what I envision. Teaching people
to think objectively about what is presented in the media, searching out the
different opinions and making up there own mind is the only way to combat the
baser side of the media. I have taught my children to view television, listen
to music, and read the news (print and internet) with an understanding that
human beings create this stuff and that human beings are fallible, biased, and
sometimes ignorant.
More recently, I have had to battle
the school system for presenting opinion as fact. To me this is more insidious
and harmful than what is presented in the media. I can monitor and explain the
media that my child takes in but I am not in the classroom with my child. I try
to provide a counter balance for a school system that seems bent on not
teaching kids to think for themselves but it is difficult because of the time
that children spend at school. I believe that this is the reason that there has
been a surge in home schooling.
What is in Literature Today?
In the article, Music Videos, Pro Wrestling, and Acceptance of Date
Rape among Middle School Males and Females: An Exploratory Analysis,
by Christine Elizabeth Kaestle Ph.D.a, Carolyn Tucker Halpern Ph.D.b, , and Jane D. Brown Ph.D.c, violence that is
portrayed in modern media is associated with a deterioration of young males
views of rape. 904 middle aged students were asked if “forcing a partner to
have sex is never OK”. The boys that watch more music videos and pro wrestling
had less acceptance of this statement. In other words, boys who watch this crap
can think of reasons why it would be OK to rape a partner.
This was not the only association
that was found by this article. Almost as an after thought, the authors
included the fact that parenting styles (“hands on” verses “hands off”) were
also associated with the children’s attitude towards rape. Children whose
parents did not monitor their media intake agreed less with the statement than
children whose parents did monitor their media intake.
Although the article’s focus was on
what kids were watching, I think they missed the boat on their research. I
believe that their research revealed the more important fact that parents that
are involve in their kids lives give their children the tools to reject
anti-unity values that are presented in the media. Jane D. Brown Ph.D.a, in her article Media Literacy Has Potential to Improve Adolescents’
Health, calls this process “Media Literacy”. This her term for
educating young people to “read” the media in all its modern forms as well as
we teach kids to read the classics.
She believes that if we teach kids
that there are many underlying motives for what is presented in the media and
how to identify them, that children will begin to use critical thinking in
their media consumption. If this proves to be true then we do not need to worry
about anti-unity values in the media, educated children will recognize them for
what they are and reject them.
Section C: Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive Verbal Interactions
(a) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Read Section 17a of the Lecture Notes. Summarize what it says
about conjunctive and disjunctive verbal interactions between a couple.
(b) Make up a sub-title
in bold for this sub-section. State your opinion about (i) the
definition or distinction, and (ii) its relevance or applicability to your own
environment.
(c) Make up a sub-title in bold for this sub-section. Select snippets of dialog
presented in Tannen's Gender Discourse book. Analyze each snippet
explaining whether conjunctive or disjunctive in relation to the definition you
gave above.
Sexy Verses Unsexy conversation
No.
This does not mean what you think it means. You will not need to call “900 number” to experience what Dr. James calls sexy conversation
in his lectures. Sexy conversation is the style of exchange that a husband and
wife have when the husband is truly interested in his wife. You all know the
talking that I am talking about. It is the kind of talk that makes you feel
happy and excited. Dr. James calls it “a warming feeling through out a woman’s
chest and hands.”
Men
resist this mental intimacy. They probably resist because they see it as one
more step away from independence. In each phase of marriage and each area of
the husbands three-fold self his conversational focus moves from himself to the
topic and finally to his wife. Each of these phases has distinct
characteristics. In the beginning male dominance phase he has only himself in
mind, his point of view is the only view that maters. He sees this as an
opportunity to control his wife by censoring her. This phase in typified by the
husband interrupting the wife. This is definitely a sexual turn-off to a wife
and her feelings become very unsexy towards her husband.
In
the equity phase of marriage the husband has recognized that his dominance
diminished his sex life with his wife and in an effort to repair the issue will
fain interest in the topic of the conversation. I call this the
dear-in-the-headlight syndrome, the husband is looking at his wife while she is
talking but is not really paying attention. He may understand the topic but not
his wife’s feelings and emotions. While a wife might feel inclined to view this
as sexy conversation because of her husband’s efforts, it soon reverts back to
unsexy conversation because he is not really invested in the conversation.
The
unity phase of marriage finds the husband now truly interested in his wife’s
thoughts, feelings, and insights. He is now seeking her thoughts and feelings
because he has come to value what they add to his life. The sexy conversational
style adds a whole new dimension to marriage that has the bonus of his wife now
feels sexy towards her husband.
I Should Have Had a V-8
This was one of those ideas that made
me want hit my forehead and say “how did I not see this?” I remember back when
I was first married. I could not understand why I did not feel the sexual
desire for him that I did while we were dating. I thought I was crazy and he
thought I was crazy. Everyone that I talk to about it gave me similar advice
and that was to stop trying to figure out why it happened and concentrate on
getting over it. I was told time and time again that I should just have sex
even though I did not feel like it. I was told that just doing it would bring
back the desire. For the most part that was true. I learned to create desire
for my self instead of looking for it in my husband.
When we reached the unity stage of
marriage, we both exclaimed about the quantity and quality of our sexual
intimacy but still had no understanding as to why it was this way. We enjoyed
what we had and did not examine it too closely. The problem with that is that
we do not stay in unity. We fluctuate up and down the spectrum due to our long
separations for his military deployments. Now that I know what to look for I
believe I can return us to our unity state much faster than before.
Examples of Conjunctive and
Disjunctive Conversations
The
book Gender and Discourse by Deborah
Tannen presents some conversations between husbands and wives that I will use
to illustrate conjunctive and disjunctive conversations.
Example 1
Female: “So uh you really can’t bitch
when you got all those on the same day but I uh asked my physics professor if I
couldn’t chan[ge that]” (the [ ] indicate overlapping
conversation. The wife is cut off in mid sentence by her husband.)
Male: “[Don’t] touch that.” (He is clearly not listening to what his
wife is telling him but rather is focused on himself
and how her idle touching is annoying him.)
Female: “What?”
Male: “I’ve got everything jus’how I
want it in that note book you’ll screw it up leafin’ through it like that.” (He fails to acknowledge his interruption
and is not concerned that he may distress his wife with first, his interruption
and second, his domineering attitude towards her.)
This
example is a good illustration of the male dominance phase of marriage. He
interrupts her because he is not concerned with her needs. He is completely
focused on his needs and his primary need seems to be to assert his
independence by controlling his wife’s actions. His disjunctive conversation
will make her feel that her intimacy was rejected and she, in turn, will
probably reject his attempts to have sex.
Section D: Conclusion and Advice to
Future Generations
(a) Make
up a sub-title in bold for this
sub-section. Summarize what you have learned so far by studying the
dominance-equity-unity model of marriage. What might be the benefit of this to
you? Are any of the concepts or ideas presented in the course difficult for you
to accept, and why? How would you apply, modify, or extend the ideas in the
course?
(b) Make up a sub-title in bold for this sub-section. Give advice to future
generations who will be doing a similar report in the future. Give them tips on
how to do a good report of their own. Tell them what they can benefit from
doing all the work this course requires.
My Conclusions
I
came into this class expecting something other than what is taught in this
class. You see, I took Dr. James’ other class on the psychology of driving and
it was based on science. I love science and statistics, they make sense to me
and they feel reliable. This class is based on the theory of one man, Emanuel
Swedenborg. He lived in a world with the spirits for 27 years and was able to
bring back his observations to this world. He wrote that he was a “vehicle for
what God wanted the human race to know regarding marriage.”
When
Dr. James explained dualism and the negative bias in science, I said to myself
“ok, I can try to adjust my thinking to incorporate this idea.” I tried very
hard to understand the concepts. Some of them were very eye-opening like sexy
and unsexy conversational styles. But try as I might, Dr. James seemed to be
dissatisfied with my understanding and interpretations of his lectures.
I
am trying not to get discouraged but I do not even want to ask questions in class
anymore and anyone who knows me knows that I love to ask questions and puzzle
out problems. This report has been a balm to my spirits because it has involved
observations and analysis. So my suggestion for a part of this course that I
would like to see expanded, would be that there is more analysis of the media.
As far as what benefit this class will have, I am not sure. I hope that the
concepts I have learned will make me more open to non-traditional ideas and
that will allow me to be a better scientist in the future.