Psychology 409B, April 2, 2007
Outline 6: The Unity Model of Marriage
Heather Gorman
Instructions for
this activity are found at: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/g26-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm
Two topics:
-The first and second rules of conjugial conversation
-The second and third rules of conjugial conversation
I. The first and second rules of conjugial conversation
A. The First Rule of conjugial conversation:
1. Be reactive and friendly whenever his wife is talking to him.
2. Was probably done in the early relationship while the couple was dating, and he was still trying to win her over, this needs to now be done again.
3. He should pretend that he is on a permanent date with his wife
4. The man probably will not like doing this, but he needs to force himself to do it.
5. He doesn't like the idea that he has to be nice to her, or else. But he can convince himself of it, if he reflects and understands the unity model of marriage.
B. The second Rule of conjugial conversation
1. The husband needs to deny himself the right to express disagreement with his wife.
2. He has to deny himself the right to say no. He can not say no to something that she wants him to do.
3. It is similar to how he is with his superior at work; he needs to apply the same concept to his attitude towards saying no to his wife.
4. If she is asking him to change something, but he insists on keeping it the way it is even though he can see that she wants it changed. This refusal is unfriendly, hostile, and abusive.
5. This behavior is definitely unsexy. This is in the dominance phase of marriage.
II. The third and fourth rules of conjugial conversation
A. The third rule of conjugial conversation
1. The husband needs to create a conversational atmosphere in which his wife feels unoppressed. She needs to feel free and safe because he shows that he cherishes everything about her.
2. She needs to be able to express exactly what is on her mind, and jump around from topic to topic if she needs to, and for him to still be listening to her.
3. The husband may be bothered by this and want to shut her up, but when he does not, and her over comes his natural urge, this is the moment of freedom and liberation for him.
4. He is now a supporter of his wife, and her feelings and thoughts.
5. If he wills himself to conquer, he instantly becomes enlightened and wise. He feels content instead of feeling like a slave to her.
B. The fourth rule of conjugial conversation
1. The husband needs to follow the conversation as a method of enhancing his wife’s mood and making her feel young in heart and stimulated in mind.
2. A wife conjoins herself to her husband's wisdom and truth and rationality not to his idiocy, irrationality, and falsities he may believe.
3. For the wife to conjoin herself to her husband’s wisdom and rationality and intelligence means that she loves how he thinks when he thinks that way.
4. Conversation between a husband and a wife is an expression of how they think.
5. The husband's wisdom and rationality must be behind what he says to her at any time. This is sexy communication to the wife.
6. When he focuses on himself this is unsexy, and in the dominance model of marriage.
Web links:
1. Conversation By: Marriage Builders
Located at: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html
This web site is a web site on the importance if conversation in marriages. It discusses the emotional need that needs to be fulfilled in conversation. It says that conversation is more important than sex at achieving a successful marriage.
2. Six Rules for Good Communication in Marriage and Families By: Joe Beam
Located at: http://www.familydynamics.net/Communication.htm
This website contains six rules for good communication in marriage along with in familes. It stresses that without good communication that your relationship is doomed to be a bad relationship, and that rules for communication will help you to have a better relationship.
3. Jada Pinkett Smith:
Communication Key to Marriage By: People Magazine
Located at: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20014976,00.html
Jada Pinkett Smith says that a key
to a good marriage is to have open communication and to talk about
everything. She also says that she does
not discuss problems in her marriage with other people, because she says that
you can not expect others to understand the dynamics of your relationship.
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2007/gorman/gorman-home.htm
Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/classhome-g26.htm