Psy
409B
Charting Progress and Helping Out
Lester Papalii
Instructions
for this activity are found at: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/g26-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon
James
Leon James (2007). Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage. Section 6. Online at: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm
Coleman, Joshua (2005). The
Lazy Husband. (
Part 1
Unity 6
I. Basic Ennead chart of interactions
A. Read from bottom up.
B. Nine succeeding phases for achieving unity in
marriage
C. The unity phase cells 7,8,9 cannot be reached
without first going through the dominance cells 1,2,3 and equity phase cells
4,5,6.
D. A couples interactions can occur in any of
the nine zones depending upon the situation.
E. The chart is a matrix between the threefold
self interactions and the three models of marriage.
II. Dominance Level
A. Zones 1,2,3
B. Characterized by the coercive treatment of
the wife by the husband.
C. The man in this zone will not budge on any of
the issues he defines as his prerogative as a man.
III. Equity Level
A. Zones 4,5,6
B. Characterized by negotiation between husband
and wife rather than coercion.
C. When partners relate to each other through
negotiation their intimacy focus is on the cognitive rather than on the sensorimotor or affective.
IV. Unity Level
A. Zones 7,8,9
B. Characterized by the wife's feminine
intelligence being allowed by the man to lead his own masculine intelligence
whenever they are encountering a significant difference with each other.
C. The husband must tell himself repeatedly that
his wife’s way of thinking is different from his, and that he is going to
follow her way instead of his way.
D. In eternity couples have one mind and one
heart which means affective intimacy, cognitive
intimacy, and sensorimotor intimacy.
The Lazy
Husband
I. Creating
Changes in the lazy husband
A. The focus of this chapter is to provide a way
for a wife to get her husband to help out more around the house as well as take
care of their kids more.
B. The person who cares the most has the least
bargaining power in the relationship.
C. If the woman wants more out of the
relationship she must recognize what she has to offer as well as what her
husband has to offer.
D. Women care more because they are more
concerned with housework as well as form more of an attachment to their
children.
II. What the wife can do
A. If a wife wants her husband to do more she
must convince her husband of its importance to her or its importance to the
baby.
B. She must also persuade her husband that
whatever other activity he is involved in is less important than attending to
the baby at that moment.
III. The nine suggestions
A. Appeal to his sense of fair play: This
assumes your husband has a sense of fair play and is willing to help out.
B. Suggest that changing his behavior will
benefit him in some way. If he helps out more their will be more time for her to spend with
him.
C. Cash in on a favor. A favor for a favor.
D. Show him how much you’re contributing
E. Disclose how unhappy you are with the current
arrangement
F. Work with his priorities. Focus on what’s important to him and use that
against him
G. Consider eliminating some of the chores
H. Make trades
I. Improve your bargaining position by going
back to work or increasing your attractiveness.
Part 2
How this content is viewed from the perspective of
the lecture notes.
I viewed the ennead chart as a tool for the couple
who is intent on achieving the unity phase of marriage. I think that this chart would help a married
couple chart their progress as well as recognize what they need to work on to
make their marriage work. This chart
would also help the couple who are just starting to see what lies ahead of them
in achieving unity. The lazy husband
chapter: creating change, I looked at as focusing upon the wife who is stuck in
a dominance level marriage. This chapter
suggests a couple of ways that a wife can get her husband to do more. In my opinion these suggestions do not
approach the relationship on an affective level and are more focused upon the cognintive and sensorimotor
interactions. These suggestions by the
author focus upon a give and take type of relationship between husband and wife
and fail to see the deeper relationship that a husband and wife need.
Related Links:
This webpage is a link to a question on a message board that a mother of
two who is currently pregnant and needs some advice on how to deal with a lazy
husband. I found this page interesting
because many people have responded to her question and provide some interesting
comments. This is related to what I just
wrote my outline because the book the lazy husband particularly focuses on this
type of problem.
The title of this webpage is happiness zones in marriage. I picked this site because I was trying to
find a chart that was similar to the ennead chart but came upon this list of 6
zones that the author feels are key areas to happiness in a marriage. These areas that the author recommends are
not as detailed as the ennead chart but I found it interesting to compare these
zones to the ennead chart.
The title of this webpage is marriage stages. I picked this site because it provides the
authors opinion on the stages that a married couple goes through. This site offers four stages that occur in
marriage. This site is related to my
outline in that it provides stages of marriage much like the ennead chart
provides zones for marriage. I found
certain concepts that relate to the ennead chart in these stages but this page
seems to focus more on the reasons why a couple would break up.
My Home Page:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2007/papalii/papalii-home.htm
Class Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/classhome-g26.htm