Psy 409B
To Unite or Not to Unite
Lester Papalii
Instructions for this activity are found at: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/g26-oral1.htm
Instructor: Dr. Leon James
Leon James (2007). Lecture Notes on the Unity
Model of Marriage. Section 19, 20, and 21.
Online at: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm
I. Contrast
between the three phases
a. Table 8 contains a
list of questions that compare the answers that each phase would give for that
question.
b. The unity phase
contains no disagreements and looks at them as a threat.
c. The dominance and
equity phases contain the most disagreements with dominance containing slightly
more.
d. Husbands in the
unity phase can revert to old habits in the earlier phases.
II.
Anti Unity Values
a. Anti unity values
are acts that create anti intimacy between husband and wife.
b. Unity values are
those that create mental intimacy between husband and wife.
c. Some anti unity
values include: living together unmarried, seperate
interests and activities accepted for partners, girls only or boys only
entertainment, and manipulating partner through deception.
d. This section also
contains quotes from Swedenborg that encourage conjugial unity in marriage.
III. Unity values
a. Sweetheart rituals
are those acts that the husband uses to create a romantic relationship with his
wife.
b. Sweetheart rituals
include calling her on the phone, giving her gifts, and eating at nice
restaurants.
c. The honeymoon
phase is when the husband is completely infatuated with his wife and is willing
to do anything for her.
d. In the unity
model, romantic love and sexual passion progressively increase throughout the
years of marriage, and then afterward in eternity.
e. According to the
unity model the wife needs empowerment in financial issues, and suggests that a
wife have a separate bank account.
f. There is also no
need to keep secrets of the financial concern between partners in the unity
model.
g. The husband must
want to know how his wife’s day was in order to conjoin with her.
h. The wife needs to
give and the husband needs to accept objective feed back.
I. Objective feedback is the wifes
ability to tell her husband how she feels.
j. Subjective
feedback puts the husband on the defensive and the wife should look to avoid
this.
k. All objective
statements begin with I while all subjective statements begin with you.
Links:
The title of this webpage is “Five non-religious
arguments for marriage over living together” I chose this webpage
because it recommends getting married over cohabitating which is one of the
anti unity values mentioned in this section.
I found this article somewhat interesting and I sort of agreed with the
second reason about the use and importance of words like husband or wife
compared to boyfriend and girlfriend.
2. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070430130813AAMAUzs
The title of this webpage is “Do you always go out
together with your spouse?” This is
related to this section because it is considered an anti unity value if you go
out without your spouse. This website is
a site that allows people to post questions that they want others opinions on
and this was one of the questions on there.
I found it very interesting to read the various responses to this
question in relation to what I have learned in this class. The majority of answers to this question seem
to be that it is okay to go out with your friends without your spouse.
3. http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2007/04/25/which-should-you-choose-joint-or-separate-finances
The title of this webpage is “Which Should You Choose: Joint or Separate
Finances” I
chose this page because it was very similar to the article in this section
where it talks about finances in marriage.
In reading this article I think it is a perfect example of the unity
models recommendation about having separate accounts but also having one joint
account.
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2007/papalii/papalii-home.htm
Class
Home Page: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/classhome-g26.htm