Report 1
Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Discourse and Behavior in
Couples
By Brian Rafael
Instructions for this report are at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-report1.htm
G26 Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm
Introduction
Psychology
409b: The Unity Model of Marriage is an undergraduate psychology course offered
at the
In this course the class is studying the unity model of marriage which is based on the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg, a theistic scientist. The focus of the course is to look at the interactions of a married couple through their interactions in the ennead chart which contains the three models of marriage and the threefold self. This report is based on the conjunctive and disjunctive interactions of couples, which are interactions that improve the relationship or interactions that move partners further away from each other. The main focus of this report is to contrast the conjunctive and disjunctive interactions of couples through the media and how those interactions of the couple portrayed in the media affect younger generations.
Section A: Categorizing Interactions Using
the Ennead Chart
The ennead chart is comprised of nine cells formed from the three model of marriage and the threefold self. The three models of marriage are three columns comprised of the dominance, equity, and unity. The threefold self are the rows comprised of the sensorimotor self, cognitive self, and the affective self. Altogether there are nine cells that show the progression of a couple through a relationship starting at the sensorimotor dominance cell and working their way toward the affective unity cell which is the inmost intimacy and the goal for a couple in a relationship. The dominance model is characterized by the male’s focus on self, the equity focuses on the intellect of the couple, and the unity pertains to couples focusing on their other partner rather than themselves. The sensorimotor self is characterized by external intimacy, the cognitive self focuses on the thoughts or internal intimacy, and affective self pertains to the feelings or inmost intimacy.
I will be using the ennead chart to analyze the interactions of a couple in the movies Prime directed by Ben Younger and 50 First Dates directed by Peter Segal. In each movie I will be following the progression of each couple and charting their interactions, verbal and non—verbal, relating to the ennead chart. Here is a basic ennead chart with the nine cells comprised of the three models of marriage and the threefold self.
This is Table
1a (READ TABLE FROM BOTTOM UP)
|
PHASE THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFO0LD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
UNITY |
7 |
8 |
9 |
|
EQUITY |
4 |
5 |
6 |
|
DOMINANCE |
1 |
2 |
3 |
Summaries and
Interactions of Movies
The movie Prime is about the relationship of Dave and Rafi. Rafi is on older woman in her thirties who just got divorced and meets Dave who is the son of Rafi’s psychiatrist, who is in his middle twenties. As the movie begins Rafi is having trouble getting over her recent divorce when she meets Dave and they go on a date. The relationship after that is mostly comprised of having sex and enjoying each other presence. Throughout the movie Dave is constantly trying to tell his mom that he likes this woman but is not the same religion as him. The mom who is Rafi’s psychiatrist knows that Rafi is the woman Dave is in love with and can’t take it. As the relationship goes on there are quarrels between Rafi and Dave when Dave decides to move in with Rafi. In the end the two of them are not together and it seems as though they have gone in their separate ways.
The movie 50 First Dates is about the relationship
between Henry and Lucy. Henry is a veterinarian at Sea Life Park and Lucy is a
woman that Henry falls in love with but she does not remember him because she
suffers from short term memory lost. Henry was portrayed as a man who gets to
sleep with the tourists who come to
Dominant Physical Interactions (1):
This cell is characterized as the sensation and pleasures felt as consequences of maintaining control over the partner, pertaining to the male.
Prime:
In this scene Dave has already moved in with Rafi at her place and it is ready for bed time. Rafi asks Dave to come to bed with her because she wants pleasure but Dave says he will be there after he finishes playing his video games, but instead he ends up playing video games all night. This implies that their sexual feelings toward each other are not that strong because Dave likes the pleasure of playing his video games more than he likes his pleasures with Rafi.
50 First Dates:
In this movie I did not notice any interactions where Henry controlled Lucy. For the most part Henry was conforming to the needs of Lucy and not so much his.
Dominant Thinking (2):
This cell involves the thoughts about how to keep pressuring the partner to cooperate or be non—resistant, pertaining to the male.
Prime:
In this scene Dave and Rafi had just woken up from a night full of sexual pleasure, which was their first night sleeping with each other. Rafi notices that she is late for work but Dave tries to tell her to stay with him and forget about being late. He is not concerned about her thoughts of getting fired if she is late. Dave is only concerned with his thoughts of having more pleasure.
50 First Dates:
In this several scenes in throughout the movie Henry keeps on implying that Lucy wants to make out with him but she doesn’t know because she keeps forgetting. Henry does this also with the thought of sex. This interaction shows that Henry is implying his thoughts into her mind and taking advantage of her to do what he wants.
Dominant Affections (3):
This cell shows the male is constantly motivated and striving to overcome and compel the partner to be submissive
Prime:
In this scene Rafi is holding the baby of another woman and when Dave sees this he looks at Rafi with a look of I really don’t care and walks away from her. Rafi just ignores Dave’s response to the baby. In the distance Dave then looks disgusted. Dave’s reaction is implying that he does not care how Rafi feels about wanting to have a child because that is not his concern.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Henry volunteers to take Lucy to the doctor so that she may understand her disorder. She just looks at him with a weird face but Lucy’s entire family and Henry end up going to the doctor. I interpreted this interaction as Henry trying to get Lucy to understand her feelings before the day is over so that he can spend more time with her. He is not concerned about why Lucy wants to hear the news from the doctor, but only concerned about his feelings toward getting the most out of the day.
Mutual Physical Interactions (4):
This cell is characterized as the sensations and pleasures felt as consequences of the couples performance and achievement
Prime:
In this scene Dave and Rafi had just gotten back together after their break up and Dave has just bought his own apartment after he sold some of his paintings. He tells Rafi that he is sorry for his immaturity and thanks her for giving him the opportunity to sell his paintings. He says if it wasn’t for her than he would not have an apartment. From here Rafi jumps onto Dave and starts to make out and end up having sex. This scene implies that because Dave is being a more mature man, which Rafi has been waiting for, their pleasures are enhanced.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Henry and Lucy experience their first kiss. The kiss is a product of them telling each other how they feel and think about each other; a kiss that came from the hard work of Henry trying to get Lucy to fall in love with him and Lucy accepting his efforts.
Mutual Thinking (5):
This cell involves the thoughts about evaluation of each other in the relationship.
Prime:
In this scene Dave and Rafi have just broken up after a fight because Dave hid his friend from Rafi in the closet and did not clean up his mess in the living room after she asked him to. While Dave is at the club that night he is thinking of what Rafi is doing and while Rafi is at dinner with another man she is thinking of Dave. This implies that their thoughts are more centered on what the other is doing instead of the present environment, regardless if they are together or not.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Henry and Lucy are finally able to get together in the evening for once because they have always encountered each other in the morning. Lucy the tells Henry that she wishes that she could have met him a day earlier before the crash so she could remember him and Henry says that it doesn’t matter because he would make her fall in love with him everyday if he had to. This scene shows that thoughts that Henry and Lucy have for each other.
Mutual Affections (6):
This cell is shows how the couple is constantly motivated and striving to compete with or gain more from the partner.
Prime:
In this scene Dave and Rafi get back together after a huge break up because of Dave having sex with one of the models at Rafi’s work. During sex Dave tells Rafi that he wants to give her a baby but Rafi tells him that it is no time for him but he keeps on implying that he wants to do it for her, but she still feels that it will only hurt him and not better their relationship. Here Dave feels that by giving Rafi a baby it will make their relationship stronger but Rafi knows that it is not the right time for him since he is still young.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Lucy approaches Henry and tells him that she wants to break up because she is holding him back from his dreams, but Henry says that his dream is to stay here and be with her. She disagrees and wants to erase him from her life by getting rid of all of her journal notes she has written. Henry doesn’t agree that they need to break up and his dream is to be with her, but Lucy still insist on deleting him from her life. This scene shows the different feelings between each other. They are still competing to find what it is the other partner wants but doesn’t want to give up their current dreams just yet.
Interdependent Physical Interactions (7):
This cell is characterized as the sensations and pleasures felt as consequences of the couple’s mental unity, as one.
Prime:
In this movie there was no sensations felt as consequences of the couple being one. Throughout the movie all of the pleasures were consequences of dominance and equity interactions. Rafi and Dave were not able to reach a state of unity and therefore their pleasures and sensations were not felt at the unity level.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Henry and Lucy make love for the first time and it is only a product of Henry confessing his love for Lucy. Lucy asks him if he loves her and he says he does. They both then got to see the walrus and Lucy asks the walrus if she should have sex with Henry and Henry signals the walrus to shake his head up and down implying yes. Then they make love, but not for a long time. This scene is an example of a couple experiencing pleasure at a higher level because the mental unity between them is much stronger than if they were to have sex on a regular basis.
Interdependent Thinking (8):
This cell involves the thoughts about spiritual or eternal details of their conjunction as one.
Prime:
In this movie I believe that the couple did not reach this cell because Dave constantly tells his mom that Rafi is only temporary and that he does not think he will marry her because of her religious background.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Lucy has just seen the doctor about her brain damage and before Henry leaves to go home Lucy tells him that she want him to strike out tomorrow when they meet again. Henry doesn’t want to strike out neither so Lucy tells him that she is a sucker for lilies, a type of flower. Henry then agrees that he will make sure that he brings lilies tomorrow so that they can fall in love again. This is a good example of the thoughts of a couple working together to maintain their eternal love for each other.
Interdependent Affections (9):
This cell shows the couple constantly motivated and striving to achieve mental closeness, so that they may become a conjoint self in eternity.
Prime:
In this movie there were not examples of the couple reaching this level of unity because at the end of the movie it shows Dave leaving his cap in a restaurant and when he goes back to get it he sees Rafi at a table. They notice each other and just smile and then go back to what they were doing before.
50 First Dates:
In this scene Henry turns around his boat (Sea Serpent) to see Lucy and ask her if she remembers him. At this point they are not together but he asks her if she remembers him and she says no. Lucy then takes him to her painting studio and shows him all of her pictures which are all of him. Lucy tells him that she dreams of him every night but does not know who he is, and Henry tells her it is because she erased him from her life, but he still loves her. This scene shows that no matter the physical disorders of the brain, the eternal organs hold true love to its fullest.
Analysis of the
Movies
50 First
Dates in a movie that shows more conjunctive interactions of the unity model of
marriage, where as Prime shows more disjunctive interactions. In the movie
Prime you will notice that Dave lies and hides a lot of his personal life from
Rafi, but in 50 First Dates Henry does not hide a thing from Lucy. Also, in 50
first dates there are a vast amount of conjunctive interactions where Henry
conforms to Lucy’s thoughts and motivations. Henry also does everything he
possibly can to help Lucy and nothing for himself. In Prime there are more
disjunctive interactions where Dave does what he wants when ever he wants, like
playing video games, not cleaning up, and having sex with other females.
Another contrast in each movie is that in the end of Prime we see Dave and Rafi
split up for good and in the end of 50 First Dates we see Henry and Lucy
happily married on Henry’s boat out in the
Therefore I feel that Prime portrays disjunctive interactions of couples because it promotes that males take a dominant or superior role over the female partner. That the male’s needs are more important than the female’s needs. On the other hand, 50 First Dates is an excellent portrayal of the unity model of marriage with conjunctive interactions because throughout the whole movie it shows the progression of what a male should do to win and maintain a female’s heart. This movie shows that it is the males who must tend to the females to enjoy eternal love in the afterlife.
Conclusions
I believe that movies that portray male dominance and disjunctive interactions will affect the younger generations negatively. These types of movies will teach younger males roles that will only disrupt a relationship in turn making it harder for them to accept reality. Also movies with disjunctive interactions will only make it harder on women to meet their goal of conforming their male partner into a conjoint self to them. Movies that portray unity and conjunctive interactions will effect the younger generation in a positive way, especially if they are humorous like 50 First Dates. I fell that these types of movies will guide the minds of youth to the path for success where they will be able to accept the consequences and rewards of relationships. The movies that portray unity values will especially help the younger women by easing their journey in striving to conform the man to their thoughts because males will learn how to let the woman led them to their eternal goal.
There are effects that I feel affect my current life from movies that portray disjunctive and conjunctive interactions. I sometimes catch myself so caught up in what I am doing at the current time that I ignore the request of my girlfriend. For example if she asks me to come to bed with her, most of the time I will continue watching a TV show that I am interested in. Another negative effect that I see my self express is not agreeing with my girlfriend that it is not okay to drink and drive. I know it’s not right but I do not follow her thoughts and intuitions. Recently since I have started this course I have found myself doing more conjunctive interactions, such as waiting for my girlfriend to finish class and then take her home instead of going home and making her catch a ride. Another example is when she asks me to drive in the morning because she is too tired, and I drive because I know that her deeper thoughts are, “I’m too tired to drive and I don’t want us to get into an accident.”
On a last note, I have found that from following conjunctive portrayals of interactions between a couple, according to gender, it has made my life a lot easier and more comfortable. The path may be difficult, just like it was in 50 First Dates, but the end result is worth your while.
Section B: Findings of a Prior Generation
Their Thoughts on Gender Portrayals on Younger Generations
Several students in the 25th generation expressed their thoughts through their reports about how gender portrayals in the media effect younger generations. Some of the student thought that they are positive and negative effects that are expressed in cartoons, television shows, movies, and songs. Here are the thoughts of sevens students and their opinion on how gender portrayals in the media effect younger generations in the community.
Laura Moa:
In Laura’s report she expresses that media influences today’s youth by using disjunctive behavior and undignified portrayals of how men and women should act. Since most children have an icon or hero as they grow up, Laura believes that children will mimic their icons or heroes in the same characteristics as they portray in the media. A good example that she uses is the rap singers Eminem and Tupac, two greatly know rap artists. To some teenage children, these two rappers are considered icons because of their songs and appearances in the community. The problem is that these two rap singers portray disjunctive language toward women. Such as profanity, name—calling, denigration, and domination by men. Laura believes that when younger children are exposed to disjunctive uses of language in the media, their minds will be tremendously affected.
To back up her explanation on why the exposure of disjunctive language has an affect on children’s minds, Laura uses a research study done by psychologists on the effects of media on children. Research has shown that there is a strong correlation between the exposure of media portrayals and the effect it has on children. Psychologist have found that there is a relationship of how the media displays have a natural affect on the children, whether through television, movies, or songs on the radio. The effect would be natural because children are still learning when they are developing, therefore whether they know it or not, children will learn what they are exposed to in the media. Laura also pointed out that because this research is a correlation, it does not mean that media portrayals cause the effects on children, just that there are relationships.
Laura also believes that movies are very influential on the younger generation because they incorporate anti—unity values (AUVs) unrecognizably. She defines AUVs as any action, thought, idea, belief, theory, or method of communication that hinders a couple from truly conjoining. An example that she uses is the movie The Way We Are. In this movie there is a relationship between a woman, Katie, and a man, Hubbell. The creator of the movie has placed several AUVs in the story line. One of them is that Hubbell is a very traditional dominant male and Katie is portrayed as bad, difficult, and dominant because she refuses to be submissive. Laura brought up a scene from the movie which talks about Hubbell committing adultery, and Katie forgiving him for it. Also throughout the movie the couple has several arguments and discrepancies.
From Laura’s point of view, she sees this movie to be very disjunctive and harmful to the younger generation. The creator of the movie is subconsciously teaching younger children that adultery, argument, dominance, and forgiveness of detrimental actions are okay. Therefore showing that movies which provide hidden AUVs are harmful to the younger generation in the community.
Laura Moa’s report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/moa/moa-409b-g25-report1.htm
Tiffany Akiyama:
In Tiffany’s report, she expresses her thoughts about gender portrayals on younger generations through a series of examples of television media. She believes that some media are good for children and others bad. With relation to god and bad, Tiffany thinks that there is a small seed inside of children that can either grow, or not grow, depending on how they are brought up or raised. In her report she analyzed several media television shows based on her views of AUVs. Tiffany’s believes that AUVs act as barriers against the process of a husband obtaining the most important step toward conjoining with his wife. Tiffany also thinks that some media programs have some positive effects on gender portrayals, and other have negative ones.
An example that she analyzed as having negative effects on younger generations was the cartoon comedy Family Guy, season 3 “And the Weiner is…” (episode 5). In this episode the husband Peter is oblivious to what his wife Lois has to say to him. Peter will only listen if the topic has to do with him. Here peter is displaying sensorimotor actions of male dominance by being selfish. Tiffany feels that this particular cartoon is a bad portrayal of what family values should be, and dumb. She states that the cartoon is dangerous and detrimental to a child because it shows how a male figure should act in a relationship. During her analysis of Family Guy she sees that when something funny happens, there is an AUV being portrayed.
Tiffany feels that when a child watches the funny interactions between a couple on televisions they are subconsciously being taught how to act as a man or woman. Children see that it is okay to hit one another, and then just say “Sorry” or “I was just playing.” As more cartoon comedy shows appear on television with more AUVs, it will subconsciously affect children’s cognitive thoughts and emotions to act in a certain way. Tiffany feels that parents should watch television with their children and explain to them why it is funny and that it would not be acceptable in reality or society.
In the Cosby Show, season 1 “A Shirt Story” (episode 8), Tiffany feels that there is a positive affect on children who watch the show. In this particular episode, she describes Dr. Cliff Hustable as a husband who gets along very well with the wishes of his wife Clair. Also portrayed in the show are a warm environment at home and a strong unity between husband and wife. After analyzing the show, Tiffany feels that there are good family values portrayed toward the watchers. It shows a couple who grows interdependently and that dominance and equity interactions are unacceptable. Therefore, she believes that “old—school” family programs are influential on children in a positive way, show how youth should act toward one another, and the roles that they should obtain. Lastly, Tiffany states that television will most likely have a positive influence if parents explain the interactions of couples that are portrayed in media.
Tiffany Akiyama’s report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/akiyama/akiyama-409b-g25-report1.htm
Crystal Bulda:
After
reading
Crystal Bulda’s Report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/bulda/bulda-409b-g25-report1.htm
Angela Murray:
It was very interesting to read Angela’s view on how media affects the younger generation. She uses an example of her three nieces. As they are growing up, their mother (Angela’s sister) accepts the abuse from her husband, even when it is in front of the children. Angela feels that her mother is teaching her three girls that it is okay for her to be abused, which is depicting the dominance model. From this example, she feels media is portraying that women’s opinions are less and that boys are much stronger, physically and mentally. This form of women bashing and male dominance is just a few of several AUVs, which Angela defines as any trait, characteristic, or action that separates one spouse form another. These AUVs are portrayed to the younger generation through movies and songs, which she believes the youth over look and think it is okay to act in those manners.
An example of media that Angela analyzed was Maurry Povich, a talk show. In this particular episode they were using a lie detector to see if the husband was keeping part of his life away form his wife, which is anti—unity. In one particular case a man was keeping things from his wife such as having sex with another women and keeping nude photos of other women in his car. When the truth came out, the husband admitted it but blame his wife for his wrong doings. Angela says that this type of interaction between a husband and wife only show youth that it is okay to hide and cheat as long as you owe up to it later. The biggest point was that the husband put all the blame back onto his wife. This type of interaction shows dominance, something that she does not want the younger generation to learn, for the sake of her three nieces.
Angela Murray’s report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/murray/murray-409b-g25-report1.htm
Christine Gora:
According to Christine, AUVs are a marriage with no objective of being spiritually connected after their physical life concludes. This definition of AUVs are being immediately portrayed onto the younger generation, especially children, teaching them that in today’s society it is acceptable to have a life style according to the AUVs. Christine feels that this is occurring to often in relationships on television, especially the promoting and condoning of sex as okay regardless of age and maturity level. She feels that there should be more television shows that promote unity between the couple such as Little People, Big World where the husband and wife are midgets with four children. The show contains a vast amount of footage where the husband admires, agrees, and respects his wife’s decisions. Also he helps out around the house.
The point that Christine was getting to is that in order for the younger generation to avoid AUVs, they should view shows just like Little People, Big World so that they may subconsciously learn unity values. Another aspect that Christine pointed out was the notion that with proper guidance youth can surpass the chain of negative behavior and AUVs in the media. One important media that she believes can help is the Bible.
Christine Gora’s report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/gora/gora-409b-g25-report1.htm
Katie Ide:
In Katie’s report, she expresses her own thoughts about the younger generation and the effect it has on them. One of her main points were that media is portraying AUVs to youth in society at a young at, which in turn may be making them grow up a lot sooner and faster than she did. Katie defines AUVs as the everyday things that couples do that are socially accepted and considered common, but are not the right path for a healthy relationship. She feels that the AUVs in the media today are mostly geared toward the men. Especially two main AUVs that Katie pointed out; The AUV of same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partner, and the AUV of having same sex best friends who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for a certain thing. Katie believes that it is form the favoritism of the males in media and these two AUVs that younger generation grow up faster than they should.
The cartoon television show, Family Guy, is an excellent example of how media influence the youth. In Katie’s report she analyzes two episodes in which both of them exemplify AUVs to the audience. In the first episode the husband, Peter, hangs out with his friends without his wife, Lois. Peter also thinks that his golf is more important than their anniversary and sets up a scavenger hunt on the day of their anniversary so that he can sneak away and play golf. In the second episode analyzed, Peter wants to make a bar in his basement for his friends and forgets about his nice dinner with Lois. Than when she gets home after he stood her up, he asks her to make more food for him and his friends. In conclusion, both of these episodes have shown how the male is favored over the female in media and the worst part is that this particular show is created for the youth.
Katie states that because of the media portrayal of both men and women, the younger generation is beginning to form the norms for a male and female that may not be acceptable in society. An example would be that younger boys are now seeing themselves as pimps and the younger girls are comparing themselves to “real beauty”—songs that portray beauty as weighing 98 pounds with fake boobs. She also feels that the internet plays a role in the media affect on the younger generation, allowing younger boys to look at pornography and then carry over the concept of women on the internet in to the real world. For example, not accepting girls until they are able to pleasure men. Altogether, Katie has come to the conclusion that AUVs are everywhere in the media and that the younger generation is going downhill because of its influence on them.
Katie Ide’s report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/ide/ide-409b-g25-report1.htm
Christina Afonin:
According to Christina, she feels that the media is equally confusing both males and females about their identity. The media is still creating an identity which allows society to rule decisions. Christina also states that because the social role of both genders are misunderstood, boys are starting to derogate girls and girls are starting to fulfill the stereotype that they should be promiscuous. Christina feels that AUVs are also a major contribution to the media portrayals on the youth. She defines AUVs as all the actions that counteract against the unity model, such as selfish and hellish acts. Christina states that no one attempts to remove AUVs from our media and that it has become cemented in our American society. Furthermore, she feels that people need to look past the sexual attraction and look deeper into the love on one, which is not portrayed in media. For Christina, it is the education of the youth by their parents, and other influential adults, who will educate them about the negative effects that media is trying to instill in them.
Christina Afonin’s report can be found at:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bf2006/afonin/afonin-report1.htm
My Reaction to Their Findings
After reading and researching on the seven required student reports, I have found that there are several opinions of how gender portrayals of the media are affecting the younger generations of our society today. There are some opinions that I can agree with and others that have very little relevance to me, but do make sense. There are also some points that were brought up throughout the reports that I would have never thought could be related to the effects of gender portrayals on the younger generation. The majority of the reports all utilized the AUVs as a way to describe the disjunctive behaviors that media portrays.
I agree with Laura on her view of media portrayals on the younger generation with the use of television and the radio. I can follow her example of the rap singers because I myself like listening to rap but never knew of the AUVs that were being unconsciously embedded into our mind. Another concept I really liked from Laura was the thought that if a child has a hero or icon, that hero or icon could be portrayed in the traditional society role of genders. Next my reaction to Tiffany’s report was a little different. I thought it was very interesting how she used the analogy of a small seed inside of every child that can either grow or not. I feel that there are some shows that promote unity and I agree that we should promote them but like Tiffany said in her report, it is the things that are funny that appeal to society and those things that are funny are subconsciously teaching children AUVs. After reading Tiffany’s report about the laughing and funny concepts, I could see how that small seed can grow without even knowing.
I do agree with Angela’s story of her three nieces though. It is very sad that her sister lets her daughters watch her get beat by her husband, but like I said it may be for the better of the three girls. They may see the wife bashing and not want it done to them so they will learn to avoid it when they grow older. I feel that Angela has taken everything to lead to dominance and that there is no other way or prevention, but fear instills denial so if her nieces are feared enough by what is happening, they will grow strong and not accept to be unconsciously taught that it is okay to be beat. Christine’s report did not appeal to me at all. The only concept that I felt was of any value was in order for the younger generation not to learn AUVs subconsciously they need to have proper guidance from older adults. I feel that this is an important aspect to the learning of a child. If the adult can monitor what the child is watching then there is no need for all this media portrayal stuff.
Lastly, I agree with Katie about her concept that the younger generation is growing up faster than we are and a lot faster than our parents and grandparents did. I feel that because of all the technology that is arriving everyday it is so much easier to influence the youth through media. I mean I see a three year old girl dressed just like her hoochie mommy. Also, I agree that children do have access to the net so quickly that they can find what ever they want therefore influencing them more. My final reaction to Katie’s report is that I do feel that the younger generation is growing up faster because it has be correlated that the age in which children are having sex is a lot younger every year and is still getting lower, and for that reason we have every right to point our finger at the media for it.
Before my analysis of this course I did not really realize how much influence the media actually has over society. A vast amount of points that were brought up during the seven reports had not really come to mind and if I did not enroll in this class, I would not be able to comprehend what the seven prior students were getting at. The main point that I had a hard time dealing with was the fact that society loves funny things but it is the funny things that promote AUVs. I understand that we should not put these types of portrayals in the media, but so what are we going to watch. I finally realized that this is why the television producers put the ratings on television shows so that it is no longer all of the media’s fault for teaching children AUVs but the parents fault for letting them watch these programs. It seems as though the media knows we like funny things and that they are anti—unity so they warn us what the show contains so we don’t blame them any more.
In conclusion, I have stated which reports I agree with and my opinion on the ratings of television shows that is funny but portrays AUVs. I feel that media does teach the younger generation about AUVs but it’s not the media’s entire fault that children follow those portrayals. Parents have a bigger influence on what their children watch, listen to, and look at on the internet. I believe that the more educated a child is about why certain things are funny on TV or on the radio; they will learn to accept it as something for entertainment and not for reality. I feel that they will subconsciously learn how to chose what is right and wrong and if they do chose the wrong path their parents and peers will help guide them away from embedding the AUVs into their brain.
Relevance of Media in My Environment
Although I do not watch a vast amount of television I do listen to the radio. I would consider radio as the most influential form of media that affects my life and those around me. Certain songs on the radio talk about how a woman should please a man and how men should treat a woman. Most recently I have heard songs that portray women as a sex symbol and portraying men as pimps or having all these women all over them. I believe the hidden message behind these songs subconsciously talks about the inferiority of the women and the superiority of the men. According to my findings from the prior generations, several of the students agree that media portrays this dominance of the man and subordination of the woman.
Relating this information to my life I can see how these portrayals will lead me to think that I am better than the women around me. For example, in the classroom I subconsciously feel that I am a lot smarter than my female friends and that they will depend on me to help them bring up their grade. At work I sometimes think that certain tasks are not made for women and that only men can handle it, such as watching a patient that is much stronger than them. At home I have began to catch my father and I asking my mother to do this and that for us regardless if she has just came home from work or is already busy with another task. Lastly in my recent relationship I feel that I start to compare my girlfriend with the portrayals of those songs that talk about how a woman should be and do. Thinking of why my girlfriend is not doing intimate things that are portrayed as a good woman.
All of the examples are relevant in my life and are stating to make me conscious of my actions toward women. After looking at my interactions in school, at work, at home, and toward my girlfriend I have admitted that I am a victim of the media portrayals of gender. Subconsciously I have committed to the superiority of being male and de-rating females in my environment. Although I did not think of my actions as dominance before I took this course, I now see that the traditional stereotypes of women are being portrayed through my actions. My findings of media portrayals greatly affect the way that you carry on in the environment. Regardless of how you have been raised, if you were exposed to media than you unconsciously learn dominance and AUVs. I say this because I have been raised in a family that is trusting of each other, my parents do not fight or hit each other, and my parents are still married, but I have some how learned to be dominant in my environment.
As the younger generation becomes more exposed to media, the more disjunctive interactions will turn into the norm of what a male and female should be. The idea of the man being superior and dominant and the sexy appearance of a woman will be embedded in the youth’s minds. In our developing nation, media will find more ways to influence the population and because the younger generation is still seeking to find their identity they might look to what the typical male or female is that the media is portraying at the time. The younger generation will be more exposed to AUVs because of the advancing technology and be taught unconsciously what the media wants them to learn. In conclusion, the younger generation will have more unsatisfying relationships in their environment, whether it is a t work, school, home, or with a significant other. I believe that the media portrayals on the younger generation will only create a dream and push the reality of a perfect marriage, on in eternity, farther away from their grasp.
Related Literature to the Effects of Gender Portrayals on Younger Generations
According to Dr. Leon James, he states that there are some therapists who portray gender roles in favor of males through their talk shows on television and radio broadcast. Dr Phil is an example of a talk show host who portrays male dominance through his sessions with couples. I on particular show he discusses the husband’s complaint about his wife’s sex drive being lower than his and sometimes non—existent. Dr. Phil then questions the wife on why she is not giving her husband sex, stating that sex is a necessary component of a good relationship. This is an example that portrays females to give into their husbands needs regardless of their own thoughts and feelings. It also shows that the man is not wrong in accusing the women for not being subordinate.
Dr. Leon James also discusses that Dr. Phil portrays male dominance by his interactions toward the wife and the husband. When he addresses a couple about their problems he most likely looks at the husband smiling, not questioning him for any of the reasons why the marriage problems occur, and letting the husband off easily. On the other hand Dr. Phil will look at the wife, not smiling, and acts confrontational and intimidating toward her. He constantly argues with the wife to take the blame for the marriage problems and wants her to feel at fault and that she is the one who must change the expectations of her husband. The attitude of non—verbal and verbal interactions of Dr. Phil toward the wife portray women to be less superior to the man and implying that it is not the husband at fault in a relationship but the wife’s fault. The interactions toward the husband portray men to be right all the time, showing the male dominance roles.
Other evidence that shows the affect of mass media on the younger generation can be found in a book called Evil Influences written by Steven Starker. In his book he uses quotes by psychologist, tribunes, boards, and major weeklies to express the threats to the mind and mortality of the younger generation in relation to movies which Starker calls the Sin of Cinema. In 1909, The National Board of Censorship of Motion Pictures reviewed 20,000 movies and found that one—fifth of these movies portrayed that “marital infidelity were ‘discouraged’”. (Starker 1989 p.96) Starker felt that movies portraying infidelity were teaching the youth immortality and obscenity which would soon lead to unlearned traditional lessons of home, school, and church. With movies discouraging infidelity, the promotion of unity is out of reach allowing children to learn that if you are not satisfied with your partner than leave.
A research done by sociologists H. Blumer and P. Hauser found that twenty-five percent of the girls who participated in their study stated that “they had sexual relations with men after being aroused by a picture with passionate love scenes.” (Starker 1989 p.103) This quote shows that movies portray sexual relations of the female as only a source of pleasure with a male and not in a relationship type of ongoing unity. Traditionalists have also spoken out stating that younger women “are wearing very short skirts and makeup” while younger men “are smoking and drinking” and both sexes “are speaking and joking about sexual matters.” (Starker 1989 p.105) The traditionalists believe that movies have set this stereotype in the minds of the youth and therefore cause problems in marital relationships later on in life. Problems such as abusive husbands and promiscuity have been correlated with drinking and sexy dressing among youth.
With all of the media portraying their disjunctive values toward the younger generations through movies, there have been several charges against particular movie companies. Here I wanted to point out a couple of the charges that relate to the gender portrayal of men and women that can alter the minds of the youth.
· Undermining of sexual and legitimate authority
· Promotion of stereotypy, distortion, oversimplification, and irrelevance
· Weakening of family ties
· Promotion of materialism and conformity
(Starker 1989 p.5-6)
In my opinion most of the charges are centered on younger females. It seems as though a vast amount of parents are more concerned with their daughters, which is a good thing, but according to the unity model of marriage it should be the man who must realize that the movies are most of the time not realistic. Therefore should not portray the character’s traits in their own self.
In conclusion, most talk shows will effect the gender portrayals of male dominance on the younger generations. I feel that talk shows such as Dr. Phil will affect the younger generation in a negative way by implying that men are able to get what they need when they need it. Also these types of shows will imply that women will need to change their ways to accommodate their husbands, where as in reality it is the woman’s thoughts and motivations that will lead the husband to inmost intimacy. Therefore the portrayal of the male dominance model onto the younger generations will maintain the traditions and stereotypes of how husband and wife should interact with each other. In reality according to the unity model of marriage, proposed by Dr. Leon James, states that it is the man who will need to conform to the wife’s motivations and thoughts in order to have a healthy and spiritual marriage.
With the works of Steven Starker through his book, it shows that society is now starting to crack down on the promotion of gender portrayals from the dominance model and working its way toward the equity model. Boards and tribunes are now bringing about the problem of media’s influence on the youth making the public realize the effects that can be brought among the youth.
Section C: Disjunctive vs. Conjunctive
Verbal Interactions
Sexy vs. Unsexy
Verbal Interactions
When a couple holds a conversation between each other, their interactions can be thought of as conjunctive or disjunctive. Conjunctive verbal interactions are the couple’s verbal communication that helps them to strive forward to affective intimacy in the unity model and can be characterized by a sexy conversational interaction style and a conjugial conversational interaction. On the other hand, disjunctive verbal interactions are the communications between the couple that delays or eventually diminish the path toward affective intimacy and can be characterized by an unsexy conversational interaction style.
The husband is the key role player in whether the interactions between the couple is conjunctive or disjunctive because it is the way that the husband portrays his verbal communications as sexy or unsexy. The way that the husband interacts with his wife at the verbal level is a direct link to the level of interactions he is having with his wife at the mental level. Husbands see their wives as lovers while the women would like to see their husbands as best a friend who wants to learn how to talk to her just like her girlfriends. If the husband resists this, he will never be able to see if he is interacting sexy or unsexy with his wife.
In the sexy conversational interaction style the husband needs to learn how to give his wife the feeling that he wants to hear what she wants to say, and he must be able to do this over and over again. The husband must love his wife’s humor like he loves her beauty and style; showing that he wants to have a good time being with her. Some ways in which the husband can show that he is being sexy is to act like he is hot. By acting hot, the husband shows emotional reactions (affectivity) in the way that he sits, pays attention to her, and values her views. Now the husband must allow himself to be activated by his wife’s spirit; by keeping his eyes on her face while she is talking and synchronize his breathing and vocalization with her.
Some examples of synchronization is to smile if she smiles, frown if she frowns, pick up on a joke that the wife is implying, and act surprised when she tells something she finds surprising. The main point is that the husband needs to learn to give his wife the feeling that he is interested in maintaining her topic of focus. All of these examples of simultaneous interactions are intimate interactions in which the wife finds sexy and agreeable. In this state of interaction the couple finds spiritual togetherness which is the goal to affective intimacy. If the man understands, loves, and inherits this new way of verbal interaction with his wife, he will become a real, enlightened, wise, and conjugial man. Therefore learning a sexy conversational interaction style is the husband’s first big task in the path to affective intimacy or eternal conjunction.
In a conjugial conversation there are four rules to conjunctive interactions that a husband should follow. The first rule is to be reactive and friendly whenever his wife is talking to him. The man is able to do this and must want to do this but has a difficult time accepting the idea to be nice to her. The second rule is to deny himself the right to express his disagreements with his wife. He must deny himself the right to say no, and accept that if he expects his wife to not say no, then he should not say no to her. The third rule is for the husband to create a conversational atmosphere in which his wife feels free, open, and safe. He must learn not to fidget, stare, and interrupt by saying something unsexy to her. Lastly, the husband must use the conversation as a method of enhancing the wife’s mood, to make her young at heart and stimulated in mind. He must value what the wife says, which is to give his wife’s topic priority over his.
In the unsexy conversational interaction style the husband disagrees to what she wants to say, makes her disturbed and angry, and breaks the conjunction and intimacy that his wife has for him. Men think that having sexy thoughts refers to talking about sex or making sexual references is a sexy conversational style. In actuality it is referring to an unsexy conversational interaction style because these are the thoughts that are focused on his self rather than his wife’s mind and thoughts. The husband’s focus on his self is the least sexy interaction style and the wife’s feelings for him may be injured or even eliminated. In an unsexy conversation the wife feels irritated, frustrated, and mainly lonely because the man who calls himself the devoted husband is acting like a complete stranger and not a friend, but the husband doesn’t care if the wife finds him sexy or not.
The unsexy conversational style can be found in all three levels of the unity model, but mostly in the dominance authoritarian level. At the dominance level men often joke or complain about the passion and sex that their wife used to give them in the beginning of their relationship. The husband’s joking and complaining leads to the killing of the wife’s sexual feelings and to more disjunctive acts of the husband. The main disjunctive interaction in the unsexy conversational style is the husband interrupting and changing the topic of focus that the wife wants to express. Men only focus on the topic and task of the conversation and it is only when the topic relates to them, that they become interested in a conversation, which will most likely be an unsexy conversation. The husband may appear frozen like a statue, fidgeting like a puppy, and looking on blandly.
Here are several characteristics of an unsexy conversational style. When the husband mostly changes the subject that the wife has brought up, the husband displays negotiation, denial, and refusal characteristics. When the husband is being disloyal, keeps secrets, and lies to his wife, he shows that he does not want to align his emotions and thoughts with his wife’s, which is the goal to affective intimacy. Lastly, the husband can be abusive, swear, and yell at the wife without adequately making up for his wrong doings. This is the most devastating disjunctive conversation because it will push the wife deeper and deeper into hell, where she eventually will lose all intimacy and motivation to conjoin with the husband.
When the husband refuses to budge on accepting what his wife wishes to express toward him, whether to stop doing something, change something, or to just listen, the resistance kills the factor of mental intimacy between them. His continuing to refuse on giving up his position and to agree with what his wife wants him to do only show that he does not love his wife as much as he loves himself. In order to fix the broken heart of his wife he must refuse to disagree with his wife and adopt the new sexy conversational style. He must love what his wife thinks, and do what she loves. The husband needs to understand that his mental heaven must be in co-ordinance with his wife’s conjugial heaven, which is created by God, and exist in heaven together as a conjoint self.
My Opinions of the Sexy and Unsexy
In my opinion, I agree that conjunctive verbal interactions are communicational efforts used to enhance a couple’s intimacy, both physically and mentally, between each other. On the other hand, I agree that disjunctive verbal communication is the delayed path to intimacy between the couple, in which there may be a possibility that the intimacy can be eliminated altogether. I used the term of sexy conversational style to relate to the conjunctive verbal interactions because in this style it is the husbands who make his wife feel sexy through his verbal communication. When I am referring to sexy, I do not mean talking dirty as one would when referring to sexual intercourse, but talking sexy as to pleasure their wife by understanding her thoughts and emotions about any topic their wife wishes to express.
I also used the four rules of conjugial conjunctions, which I believe is a type of sexy conversational interactions. When following these four rules, a husband starts out slowly adopting the sexy conversational style which he knows how to use but does not express it toward his wife. He knows how to use it because the husband may express his sexy interactions toward other people and not recognize it. This can be related to the dominance level where his conversations are the way he wants it. The next step the husband takes is that he realizes that if he wishes for his wife to understand then he must understand his wife to. This brings him closer to his wife and can be related to the equity level because of the confrontation of who understands when. Lastly, the husband learns to strive to understand and love his wives way of thinking, which is related to the unity level because the husband is thinking from his wife’s point of view and not his.
Disjunctive verbal interactions are seen as unsexy by the wife. Unsexy does not refer to an appearance of being ugly but to how the husband shows his dominance toward the wife by disagreeing, interrupting, and changing the conversation that the wife wishes to express. I see unsexy verbal interactions as excuses from the husband to not want to be intimate with his wife. He uses various ways to put up barriers in which the wife cannot jump over or break through to reach her husbands mental heaven. Unsexy conversational interactions can occur at any level in the unity model of marriage, and when they do occur, it will only lead the couple down a wrong path to intimacy where they might have to climb out of a deep hole that the husband has dug because of his unsexy interactions. Unsexy interactions are detrimental to a couple who is striving toward a conjoint self in eternity.
I feel that conjunctive and disjunctive verbal interactions are very relevant and important in my environment. I think that conjunctive and disjunctive communication can be used not only with my girlfriend but also with my mother, grandmother, and my other female friends. I feel that the only difference between using these interactions with my girlfriend and other females in my life is that when I am interacting with my girlfriend I see my interactions as stepping stones to achieve eternal intimacy with her in her conjugial heaven. With the other females in my life, I just use conjunctive interactions so that they won’t get mad at me or just to make them happy because all females have the same mind.
The terms of conjunctive and disjunctive verbal interactions did not apply to my relationship until I started this paper. I now see that they both play a strong role in which path my relationship will take for the future. I have noticed that in a lot of my previous relationships, I have used several disjunctive verbal interactions which probably explain why I am not with any of my ex—girlfriends at this present time. Now in my present relationship, which I started just right before the beginning of this class, I have found that the use of more conjunctive verbal interactions have enhanced my love for my girlfriend. There are sometimes that I may begin a conversation with a disjunctive interaction but suddenly realize what I have just done and quickly switch or rethink to a conjunctive interaction.
Sometimes it is very difficult to follow my girlfriend’s topic of choice because it may come across as boring. This is when you must be sexy in response with your interactions. I must learn to love what she wants to talk about and put what she wants to talk about first. I have to show interest in what she is expressing, and not seem irritated or she will become angry and frustrated. If I succeed in making her happy, I have seen great improvement in our relationship because there is never any arguments or negotiations, that we a vast amount before I took this course.
On one last note on relating conjunctive and disjunctive verbal interactions to my environment, I wanted to address the little things that men do to upset and frustrate their partner. Men say that women get to upset at them for the little things and that is because the little things and the disjunctive verbal interactions that are shown during conversations. If men would just tighten their belt, suck it up, and take it like a champion to accept the conjunctive or sexy conversational interactions with their partner, there would be no frustration from their partner and they would receive what they yearn for, passion and love. Altogether, this is how the conversational interactions play a major role in my environment today.
Analyzing
Conjunctive and Disjunctive Verbal Interactions
To understand conjunctive and disjunctive verbal interactions in real life situations, I have chosen several snippets from Deborah Tannen’s book Gender and Discourse. Within each snippet is the dialogue between a couple and my analysis of what verbal interaction is being displayed at that particular part of the conversation.
Snippet 1 from Gender and Discourse (Tannen, p. 37)
In this snippet, Tannen uses a scene from Erica Jong’s novel Fear of Flying, which was first claimed by Jack Sattel, who argues that men may use silence as a mean for power over their wives. This shows their dominance in their marriage.
Isadora: “Why do you turn on me? What did I do?”
Bennett: Silence.
Isadora: “What did I do?”
Bennett: He looks at her as if her not knowing were another injury.
Bennett: “Look, let’s just go to sleep now. Let’s just forget it.”
Isadora: “Forget what?”
Bennett: He says nothing.
(Cut in script)
Isadora: “It was something in the movie, wasn’t it?”
Isadora: “What in the movie?”
Isadora: “…It was the funeral scene…The little boy looking at his dead mother. Something got you there. That was when you got depressed.”
Bennett: Silence.
Isadora: “Well, wasn’t it?”
Bennett: Silence.
Isadora: “Oh come on, Bennett, you’re making me furious. Please tell me. Please.”
In this particular snippet taken from Tannen’s book, we can see that there is a disjunctive verbal conversation being held between Isadora and her husband Bennett. Isadora is concerned with what is bothering Bennett. When Bennett decides to be silent, he is refusing to love what his wife would like to talk about. As he looks at her as not knowing what is going on, he is showing no emotion to his wife’s emotion of concern. Bennett knows that something is wrong but denies that there is. Next, Bennett changes the subject by saying, “Look, let’s just go to sleep now. Let’s just forget it.” As stated in an earlier section, this is one of the most devastating disjunctive interactions that a husband expresses. It shows that he does not what to be in sync with his with, therefore delaying intimacy. Lastly, he does not budge at all to the concern of his wife, making her frustrated, which can lead to his wife’s failure of motivation to be intimate with him.
Snippet 2 from Gender and Discourse (Tannen, p.
147-148)
In this snippet Marianne and Johan are in a conversation about Marianne’s concern with Johan’s sexual talking. Here Marianne wishes that the both of them should not discuss things that should not be discussed.
Marianne: Let me tell you this. You can talk to much about these things.
Johan: (giving up) I suspect your right.
Marianne: I know you’re supposed to tell everything and not keep anything secret, but in this particular matter I think it’s wrong.
Johan: (who has heard this before) Yes, you’re probably right.
Marianne: (following up her advantage) There are some things which must be allowed to live their life in a half-light, away from prying eyes.
Johan: (total recall) You think so?
Marianne: I’m quite convinced of it…
I chose this particular snippet because it shows the conjunctive verbal interactions of the husband, Johan, toward his wife, Marianne. The conversation between Johan and Marianne resemble conjunctive verbal interactions because Johan is able to hear out what his wife has to say about a topic she wishes to express. Johan replies with the same emotions that Marianne has about the topic, which brings both of their emotions into synchronization. Johan knows that he has heard this type of conversation before, but is able to resist being unsexy toward his wife. He is able to accept and understand Marianne’s thoughts, which is what she finds sexy and agreeable. Therefore, Johan is able to give his wife the feeling she yearns for, making spiritual togetherness a possible outcome of their relationship.
Snippet 3 from Gender and Discourse (Tannen, p.
145-146)
In this snippet Johan is meeting with his wife Marianne but has an appointment with another woman that he is having an affair with. Marianne notices something is wrong and tries to figure out what exactly is going on.
Marianne: (searchingly) Has something happened, Johan?
Johan: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I swear.
Marianne: We’re pretty honest with each other, you
and
Johan: I think so.
Marianne: It’s awful to go around bottling up things. One must speak out, however painful it is. Don’t you think?
Johan: (Irritably) Hell, yes. What time is it?
Marianne: One fifteen.
Johan: My watch is always stopping. What were you saying? Oh yes, honesty. I suppose you mean over sex, to put it bluntly.
Marianne: Sometimes I think we…
Johan: People can’t always live cheek by jowl. It would be too tiring.
Marianne: Yes, that is the big question.
Johan: Anyway, I must go now.
This snippet sums up all of the possible unsexy conversational interactions between a married couple, which most likely can occur in reality. Marianne is suspects that something is wrong with her husband, which is her topic of interest. Johan, her husband, denies that there is something wrong and the lies to her by swearing that there is nothing wrong. Marianne brings up the subject of honestly between them and Johan shows no interest toward her by giving an expression of confusion. He then yells at her saying, “Hell…” and then changes the subject to interest him. Johan shows only interest in himself by looking at his watch, in which time is his topic of interest. Lastly, he interrupts her when Marianne is trying to get back on track with her topic of honesty.
After analyzing this snippet I have found that Johan has fulfilled the unsexy conversational interaction style described above. He denies, lies, changes subjects, interrupts, and raises his voice at her. In this one conversation, Johan could have possibly pushed Marianne so deep into hell and that her feelings of intimacy toward him could be diminished. Reading further on into Tannen’s book we find that Johan and Marianne eventually get divorced and remarry, but at the same time have affairs with each other. From all of the disjunctive interactions that Johan has expressed, it is not likely that this would be the outcome of Marianne and Johan’s relationship.
Section D: Conclusion and Advice to Future
Generations
What I Have
Learned
Throughout this psychology course so far I have been able to retain helpful information about relationships between couples through the dominance—equity—unity model of marriage. I have learned that it is not the woman in the relationship who has to change in order to fulfill spiritual marriage but it is the man who must understand that the woman’s way of thinking is much more intelligent than his. That the man must recognize that he is not being intimate at the woman’s level if he is not being mentally intimate and only concerned about the physically pleasure. I have began to understand that the man must give up his independent ways that he has attained from childhood and conjoin to the woman’s motivations and intuitions. Lastly, I have learned ways to observe and act out conjunctive behavior which is beneficial to a relationship between couples.
My learning
so far in this course has been very useful in my recent relationship with my
girlfriend. Before I started this course I was a man who would use a vast
amount of unsexy interactions toward my girlfriend. Then I read a few sections
of the Unity Model of Marriage by Dr. Leon James and began to understand why
particular interactions were not of good use or working with my girlfriend.
Just recently after understanding the three phases in progression to the inmost
intimacy, I have started to think before my actions. I have begun to get off of
my lazy butt and start to wait on my girl friend hand and foot. Before it was,
“Baby get this for
At this point in time there is really not any particular concept that I do not understand, although I might disagree. For example, I understand that in order to reach the inmost intimacy you must go through the ennead chart starting from the dominance level. I feel that since the equity and dominance model is based off of our traditions and learned behaviors, if a child is raised to start at a different level of the ennead chart then it will eliminate the prior phase. Therefore I understand that the universal ennead chart implies that every relationship starts at the dominance level at some time or another and work its way through the rest of the chart in the path for inmost intimacy. Also, in regards to my earlier statement about the child rearing, I strongly believe that in some point in time if the adults and mediators could control the traditions and learned behaviors of a child at a young age, the path to inmost intimacy will be a more tangible outcome or goal.
Advice to Future Generations
My advice to the future generations that will be participating in the Psychology 409b: Unity Model of Marriage Class is the most valuable information you will receive to help you on the way to a non—stressful and very successful journey. First off, if there are readings for the class which there will be, make sure that you keep up with the scheduled readings assigned for the class. Two reasons why you should stay on track with the readings are because you will not be lost in the class conversation for the following week, and you will be able to ask questions to the professor and other fellow classmates for participation points. If you do fall behind on your readings it may be hard for you to catch up unless you have a free weekend. Falling behind on readings will make your outlines and reports that much harder.
Next, do not procrastinate on doing the outlines on the readings because after you do the outline, you will have to find related links which is the hardest part for me to do. Waiting till the last weekend before your outlines and reports will be graded is a huge mistake. It may take up to an hour or two, depending on the reading, to type out an outline, find related links, and then up loaded to the World Wide Web. Also, do not wait till the last weekend to cram in on all your work to finish your 15 or more page report. The best way to do a report would be to do a little at a time every chance that you get. Once you are notified that you have the instructions for the report, get right on it even if you only do a paragraph or two because it will all add up in the end. For example, while everyone else is cramming on finishing their paper on time, you might only have a couple pages to do. To do well on the reports make sure that you follow the directions and you will be set.
Another key aspect for future generations is that if you happen to have a required video or optional video to view for your report make sure that you can attain it as soon as possible or everyone else in your class will get to it before you. Then you are the one cramming in the last weekend before due date. Lastly, my final advice to all of the future generations it to make sure that you attend class, attendance is the easiest portion of the grade that you should have no trouble with. If for some reason you are going to miss class, email and notify your professor as soon as you know of your absence. If not, your absences will add up to minus points and those minus points will add up to a fall in your grade. Follow this advice and you will be on your way to a successful semester with minimal stress.
Section E: Links
My Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2007/rafael/rafael-home.htm
G26 Class Home Page: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/classhome-g26.htm
Reference:
Starker, Steven. Evil Influences. Transaction Publishers, 1989
Tannen, Deborah. Gender and Discourse.