Psychology 409B, February 8, 2007

Outline 2: Unity Model of Marriage

Tiffany Wong

 

James, Leon. (2007). Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage. Unity 3 Introduction. Online at:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm

Gorman, Heather. (2007). Outline 2: The Unity Model of Marriage, Unity 3. Online at: James, Leon. (2007). Lecture Notes on the Unity Model of Marriage. Unity 3 Introduction. Online at:http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/409b-g26-lecture-notes.htm

 

Two Main Points:

  1. The Conjoint Self
  2. The Level of Conjunction

 

I.       The Conjoint Self

-         This is when a husband or wife has achieved the threefold self in unity:

a.       Sensiormotor (sensations and responses)

b.      Cognitive (thoughts and reasoning)

c.       Affective (feelings and intensions)

-         Gorman defines this as a losing or gaining of traits to form the unity model of marriage

-         Each person in the relationship keeps the better habits, beliefs, and feelings, and throws out the bad ones in replacement of ones acquired from their significant others.

-         A key part in the operation of the conjoint self is the synergistic unit

a.       This is where the husband guides his thinking and reasoning into directions that he knows his wife would approve.

b.      It is up to the wife to help her husband continue to move towards the unity model in guiding his motives and thoughts towards a more united one.

c.       The man has to want to listen to her and learn to love it (or want to do it without being asked)

 

II.    The Level of Conjunction

  1. Sensorimotor
    1. This is the initial or first part of conjunction where a couple is either dating or newly married
    2. This would be a thing of physically coming together: dancing, touching, watching movies, eating out, etc.
    3. During this stage, men still hold on to their independence and internal conjunction. They do not believe that they will be happier to give up the traits and behavior that their wives disapprove of.
    4. Disjunction

                                                               i.      The man’s intentions and motives are the opposite of mental intimacy and conjunction

                                                             ii.      He uses unsexy language, either speaking loudly in a rough voice, or using language in a hurtful way

 

  1. Cognitive
    1. This level of conjunction involves the cognitive self; how they think, reason, beliefs, and knowledge.
    2. It is easier for the women to achieve this stage because it is in her biology and spiritually to want to conjoin to her spouse.
    3. Men are again reluctant, and sometimes slip back to the male dominance and sensorimotor stage because they see this as “a giving up [of] selfhood”
    4. In order for a man to fight against his natural desire to resist conjunction, he could use the technique of “information flow control in their won favor”

 

  1. Affective
    1. It is the most intimate level where partners share their feelings, motivations, and goals of happiness and togetherness.
    2. Symmatry and long term reciprocal growth is the only way that this level can be achieved
    3. Both partners must give up all other entities or relationships that would exclude the other from sharing everything in their life.
    4. Reciprocal conjoining: bring things together that are not the same or equal, but fit together.

                                                               i.      The man and woman can be seen as the yin and the yang.

    1. By having secrets or separate lives, they are not conjoint, thus creating a disjunction

                                                               i.      Men do this and try to retain their independence by having male bonding events, like “Guys night out.” This can be seen in the the first level of conjunction

    1. On this level, the man has come to realize that he is happiest doing whatever makes his wife happy and understanding that it is for his benefit.

 

III. Related Links

 

  1. How to Save Your Marriage

http://www.marriage-counselor-doctor.com/stopdivorce.html

This website is helpful for couples who are struggling to mentally connect. They have helpful tips that coincide with the Unity Model of Marriage explained by Dr. Leon James in the lectures. They include advice that connect with the equity and unity phase.

  1. How to Communicate with Your Partner

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061126034821AAM5TJV

This website shows ways to better communicate with your partner, moving away from the dominance phase and more towards the unity phase.

 

  1. Communicating Effectively

http://www.clearcommunication.com/japanese.htm

Communicating is hard to do when you are set in your ways, especially for men. This is a website that helps open the gates of understanding cultural differences in communication, and how to break to the cycle of misunderstandings when talking to others.

 

 

My Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2007/wong/wong-home.htm

 

Class Homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy26/classhome-g26.htm