Ishikawa-report4
The Unity Model of Marriage
Psychology 409b / Spring 2008 / Generation 27
Dr.Leon James, Instructor, University of
Hawaii
Ling to class homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy27/classhome-g27.htm
Sumiyo Ishikawa
Ha Lisa / Ishikawa
Sumiyo /
Salviejo Nicole / Nieto
Tracy
Characteristics Of
HusbandÕ Conversation With Wife In The 3 Phases of Marriage
Section
1. Lecture content
8. Male Dominance Phase of Marriage
The
lecture notes offer a strong critique of Chapter 6 of Dr. LauraÕs Proper Care
and Feeding of Husbands, as well as of Dr. PhilÕs daytime self-help television
series, and states that there are nine different assumptions that can be drawn
from their male dominant perspectives:
1.
Women use their bodies as tools in order to control their male partners
2.
Married women have less interest in sex than unmarried women
3.
Married women should not be sexually modest with their husbands
4.
Unmarried women are "girls" who choose to wear clothing that
emphasizes the shape of their thighs and breasts
5.
Wives dress like Eskimos at home, hiding their thighs and breasts
6.
Wives should think that when they say no to sex, they are hurting a good
husband who wants to be faithful
7.
When wives say no to sex they are depriving their husbands and are enforcing
abstinence
8.
It's mean for a wife to say no to sex--it is like a husband refusing to have a
conversation with her
9.
Men need more sex and wives should provide it
Using
the Three-fold self chart above from the Unity Model of Marriage, we can
conclude that when a married woman is coerced or pressured to have sex with her
husband, their relationship falls under Zone 1, or the dominance phase, where
the husband displays authoritarian sensorimotor behavior with his wife. When the couple has sex without
striving to have mental intimacy, they then fall under Zone 2 or Zone 3 of the
dominance phase.
Ultimately,
male dominance oriented therapists, such as Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil fail to
realize how the men themselves contribute to any conflicts that the couple may
experience during their marriage, by solely placing blame on their women
partners. For example, if a
husband commits infidelity, it is because his wife could not satisfy his needs,
but when a wife has an extra-marital affair, it shows how much she disrespects
her husband and has taken him for granted. According to Dr. James, ÒWhat Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura and the
other male dominance oriented therapists need to do is to start with the husband,
not the wife. In other words, start objectively by going directly to the source
of the wife's aversion towards having sex with him. If sex in marriage is to be
intimate and loving, rather than exploitative and coercive, it is the husband
who needs to find ways to make the wife feel like being sexually intimate with
him.Ó
Dr.
JamesÕ comment shows that in order for a couple to be more equal and harmonious
in nature, husbands must look within themselves in order to change the nature
of their authoritarian-like marriages.
Husbands must also realize, the rights of their wives and respect their
choices to have/or not have sex with them.
In
addition, Dr. James offers advice to husbands and wives (as well as marriage
counselors) that serve as steppingstones in order for the couple to attain a
marriage that resembles the unity phase of marriage.
1.
Help husbands to realize that conflicts arising from the coupleÕs lack of
sexual intimacy can be solved by accepting the idea that he, himself, is the
cause of his wifeÕs aversion to having sex with him. With this realization, men
will become more conscious of the negative ways they interact with their wives
and will learn how to curb such negative behaviors.
2.
Couples should openly discuss and respect each otherÕs turn-ons/turn-offsBy
having this open dialogue, couples are able to understand and respect one
anotherÕs choices. The couple will also solve conflicts involving sexual
blackmail placed on the woman who is guilted or exploited into believing that
it is her ÒobligationÓ to be sexually intimate with her husband even though it
goes against her own wishes.
Section
2. Team presentation on readings
The
proper care and feeding of marriage
Mother LauraÕs
marriage tools
In this chapter Dr. Laura addresses how to help ÒfixÓ
broken marriages and gives ten suggestions on how this can be done. She
believes that instead of giving up and throwing the marriage away, couples
should do whatever it takes to fix it. This is also what the teams presented
and gave their insights on each step. When I read this chapter I was quite
surprised that I found almost all of her suggestions veered away from the Male
Dominance Model and into the Equity Model, some even hinting toward the first
stages of the Unity Model.
1) There Is No ÒIÓ In Team
In this step she emphasizes
the point that in a marriage you are a team. I strongly agree with this point.
She states that when the going gets to feeling hopeless and way too ugly, it is
time to remember the covenant and your earliest dreams and hopes for the
relationship.
2) Down Memory Lane
Here, she gave an
example of a couple who were older when they began their marriage. However,
their relationship became more like brother and sister rather than husband and
wife. When he saw her cooking for a sick neighbor one day, he stated that he
fell in love with her when she cooked him dinner. Then she commented back that
she fell in love with him while they were dancing. So a week later they went
dancing. I enjoyed this small story because he listened to what she said and
acted on it by taking her dancing. In turn she started cooking for him more
often. In this step, I believe Dr. Laura brings her suggestions into the Unity
Model because it shows that by the husband affectively listening to his wife,
he was able to open her back up and bring love and happiness into their
marriage again. Remember back to what made you Òfall in loveÓ and make that
memory live today.
3) Mutual Forgiveness
In this step, Dr.
Laura speaks of a couple whose marriage just didnÕt seem to fall into place
after the first year. The stresses and unpredictable events of life left them
with hard feelings between them very early on. How they eventually dealt with
the impending explosion of animosity toward each other was that they forgave
each other, and agreed to let the past die and start over. Although I do
believe that this step is a good start, it is just that, a start. I think that
in order for it to really work, and improve the marriage they would both have
to agree on that point for the remainder of their marriage.
4) Dump Your Prideful Ways
Here, Dr. Laura
addresses how couples behave toward each other and how that can greatly differ
than how they behave and interact with family, friends and even strangers. She
states that you probably donÕt take the time to really listen, instead you just
get defensive and attack back to try to make yourself look better- and it works
the opposite way. Her suggestion is to just listen without speaking- donÕt
explain, excuse or defend your self. Show respect for the state of mind,
perspective, and feelings of the one you love. I found myself agreeing with her
on this step especially because she seemed to touch upon affective intimacy. If
you own each others feelings then the reward will be the gift of a healthy,
loving marriage.
5) Ignore the Sometimes
Not So Small Stuff
This means taking
responsibility for your own actions and focusing on how to personally change
rather than making the other change. This is one I didnÕt completely agree
with. Dr. Laura gives an example with the account of a couple with an abusive
relationship. When the couple would fight, the husband felt that his wife was
provoking him with hurtful words, so he would get even angrier. This would
escalate to physical abuse. Dr. Laura states that it is never useful to
escalate a situation by reciprocating with your own bad behavior. To a point
this is true, however, I donÕt think ignoring this kind of problem is a good
solution.
6) YouÕre the Genius!...
No, Honey, YOUÕRE the Genius!
Dr. Laura suggests
trying to remember that two heads can be much better than one if you show some
respect for the otherÕs head. It is better and healthier for a relationship to
come up with a solution together than each of you separately. Instead of
fighting your partnersÕ perspective, make the effort to find something good
about it. That way they feel heard and appreciated instead of feeling
considered stupid and useless. She calls it loving negotiation.
7) Nicer to Strangers
Here, Dr. Laura
states that it is easy to take advantage of love and your loved one, and love
for granted. DonÕt- you have too much to lose and the potential of too many
people being hurt. She believes, as well as I do, that if you donÕt treat your
partner so poorly then they wonÕt either. Ideally, this is true. However, it is
not always so in all relationships. ThatÕs why I think this step would work
well in the Equity and Unity Model.
8) It Is a Far Greater
Blessing to Give than Receive
Sometimes couples
need, want, demand, or expect more from their partners but never communicate it
with each other. Dr. Laura suggests that along with better communication,
coming out of your self at times of your partnerÕs needs, while difficult, is
better medicine. Do an errand for your loved one or something special and
unexpected. That way you support them in their time of need, and with that, can
expect the same in the time of yours. Personally I agree with that. When my
boyfriend does small things for me when IÕm feeling down or having a bad day,
it not only makes me feel better to have his support and love, but it makes me
want to do the same for him when he needs it. This makes our relationship more
satisfying.
9) Forget Rewriting
History
In this example, a
couple realizes that years of resentment in their marriage werenÕt just going
to disappear overnight. Neither of them were just going to spontaneously change
the errors of their ways and heal their relationship. Especially if one or the
other wasnÕt up to facing their faults just yet. Dr. Laura suggests that the
best thing you can do when youÕve messed up is do the right thing from this
point on, and pray for the best.
10) Kings and Queens
ÒItÕs as simple as this:
treat him like a king, and he will treat you like a queenÓ.
If I wanted to
follow the Unity model, I would want that statement to be the other way around.
If you treat her like a queen, then she will make you her king. Dr. Laura
states that if you give him/her what they want and need, then their affections
and appreciation will make the relationship that much sweeter. In the Unity
Model, this step would be true. If you physically, cognitively and affectively
love her, then you will get the same in return. You will have achieved
conjugial love and will be able to create a heaven her in the physical world
and be together for eternity.
The
lazy husband
ItÕs a personality
thing
A key par of creating
change in a marriage comes from achieving an understanding of how your and your
partnerÕs personalities
affect your marriage. We need to know how your
past and to understand how your partnerÕs past. Understanding his personality
because it can help you correct his misperceptions about you and help you
communicate in ways that do not trigger his anxiety, negativity, and
defensiveness. This chapter will present common personality types, how they can
create problems and how they can change. There are 4 types of personality
husband or wife; The boy-husband, The worried wife, The worried husband, The
perfectionistic wife, The perfectionistic husband, The angry husband, and The
angry wife.
The boy-husband
Bob was 26 years old and working at an
electronics stores as a floor sales man. Bob was attracted to Lena who had all
of the qualities such as being responsible and earning a good income. Bob grow
up in a family with depressed and ineffective parents. BobÕs parents were not
involved in any meaningful way to support him in his life. When Lena married
Bob, Lena had no idea he was incapable of conducting an adult life. Lena
mistakenly assumed that the increase in responsibility of parenthood would
force Bob to grow up and change for BobÕs laziness.
Just
one more child to take care of
Commonly women complain that living with their
husband is like having another child. In LenaÕs case, she complained that Bob
was like another child. Consider the following the guidelines:
Work
to feel less responsible for him
Become aware of the your feelings of over
responsibility and work toward more detached from those feelings. Women are
socialized to feel responsible for others, and many women have a hard time to
feel happy if their husband or children are worried in any way. In LenaÕs case,
she was afraid that if she did not make Bob get out of bed in the morning, he
would get fired. Lena had to decide whether she wanted to Bob to grow up or
remain dependence. Also Lena had to let Bob know that she was not going to
continue to parent him.
Gain
an understanding of why you are overly responsible
Lena accepted of BobÕs behavior which was a
dependent husband because of unregulated feelings of responsibility. Lena was
the eldest child in a family of seven. She had to take equal responsibility. In
order to determine how much your feelings of over responsibility contribute to
your husbandÕs laziness.
Use
nonjudgmental language to let your partner know of your change
If you have a new idea to manage, it is a good
idea to give your partner attention without humiliating him. In LenaÕs case,
she had to take responsibility for the equality because of his inability to manage
responsibility. Dr, Joshua advised Lena to organize conversation and he
recommended that you slowly eliminate the tasks you want him to take over.
Make
an honest assessment of whether some part of you likes or benefits from your
partnerÕs dependency
It may make you focus on what he is doing wrong
and ignore what he is doing right. If this is the case, you have to strive to
recognize that part of yourself and begin to move your attention to the
positive aspects of your partnerÕs behavior or contributions. Bob never leaned
that how to be a fully functioning adult. BobÕs dependency was caused by his
parental neglect.
DonÕt
expect overnight change
It is more likely to take some time for them to
successfully change. What can change overnight is how much you do for your
partner that he can rightly do for himself. This is important because you can have
time to apply activities for your liking by eliminating your function of over
responsibility
The worried wife
Worry
is often at the core of overly responsible behavior. Liya refused to get
baby-sitting because she terrified of leaving the
children with a baby-sitter due to the
occasional stories about child kidnapping or abuse. LiyaÕs husband got angry at
her because she would never go out on a date with him without children. Liya
needed to learn how to tolerate leaving the children with baby-sitters. Liya
became more confident to go away for a weekend without being terrified within a
year.
What
to do if this describes you
Strive
to understand the nature of your worry. Ask yourself the following questions :
Does
it appear rational ?
Did
something happen in my childhood or past that has left me feeling unsafe ?
If so, is it possible
that it is interfering with my judgment and assessment of danger for my
children,
or those closest to
me ?
Do others tell me
that I worry too much tease me about my excessive worry ?
Do the things that I
worry over rarely come to pass ?
If so, am I able to
integrate that knowledge or do I quickly move on to the next worry ?
If
you answer yes in the several items, your worry is probably interfere with your
life and may be interfering with your marriage.
Begin to push back
against your worries
Make a decision to push
against one or two of the worries that are interfering with your life. Make a
commitment to do small steps
that are learning to
tolerate worry.
The worried
husband
While
women have a more common feature against excessive worry, many men also have
this problem. Mark was raised in a
family with parents who
constantly worried about money. When he become parent, he constantly worried
that something bad was
going to happen to his family. Early in his
marriage, his wife experienced his worry over her and the children. When the
children became older, she began to feel more weighed down by his constant
worries and inability to relax and enjoy the many things.
What
to do if this describe your partner
DonÕt
criticize him for his worry.
People
who worry excessively feel suffering and would gradually stop if they could.
Express for him such as ÒIt
sadness me to see
that you feel so tortured by these worried. It is okay with me if you do not do
it exactly right.Ó
Tease
him if heÕll let you.
People
who are worries often know that they are out of control with it. If he has a
sense of humor, you try to joke
with him. This technique
only works if he has a sense of humor and he appears to feel comfortable.
DonÕt
allow his worries to rule the roost.
If
he worries to much in front of the children, show them other option, without
undermining him. People often
control their behavior
in response to their partnerÕs needs, desires, and insecurities, women
especially.
Have
him talk to his doctor about a medication evaluation.
Excessive
worry may be due to a biological condition. There are a number of psychological
diagnoses that cause
people to worry, such as
obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and a host of anxiety disorders.
The
perfectionistic wife
Perfectionists
often have a hard time enjoying their lives or their marriage. Being a
perfectionist is stressful because it makes you
more likely to believe,
often irrationally, that your partner is also holding you to this impossible
standard. This is an important
perception to gain
control since both men and women feel unhappier in their marriages and
communicate less effectively when
they expect perfection
of themselves.
Are
you a perfectionisit ?
I
can not relax if something is incomplete.
Noting
I do is never quite good enough.
I
can never stop and take pride in what I have done. I am always off to the next
task.
I
can never please anyone.
I
never can get anything right.
People
are always looking for the chink in my armor.
If
people get to know me, they will see how inadequate I really am.
I
have to work extremely hard to maintain a good impression and it is really
exhausting.
I
take pride and pleasure in my hard standards but I drive everyone around me
work on.
Some
examples of a perfectionistic orientation toward your spouse are :
He
can never do things all of the way, it is always half-assed.
If
he only tried a little harder, I would be happier.
I
am always mad at my husband for one things or another because he never gets
stuff right.
Do
your husband or others frequently :
Say
that you are misreading or mishearing what being said
Tell
you that you are too sensitive.
Worry
that you don not relax enough.
Complain
that you are overly defensive or overly critical.
Strive
to understand the origins of your feelings
What
about your past or your childhood made you feel that something would occur if
you were less than perfect ?
Examine
your irrational beliefs
Go
to the section titled are you a perfectionist ? Choose three or four of these
examples to start actively.
Examine
your criticism about you husband
If you are a perfectionists,
it is possible that your perfectionism interferes with your ability to look at
the ways that he positively
contributes to the
family. Pick up one or two points what you will work to appreciate him, and two
other points what you are going
to stop complaining
about him.
The perfectionistc
husband
Perfectionists
can be hard to live with. Living with a husband who has perfectionistic
expectations of you may be cause you to feel
controlled, dominated,
or criticized. You may feel frustrated that he has a hard time relaxing or
feeling good about himself. Men
who are perfectionists
are less like to be lazy husbands, perfectionists tend to hardworking and
obsessive.
The angry husband
Living
with a hostile or abusive spouse can make you feel depressed, anxious, or
afraid. You may need to know how to decrease
his authority before you can effectively
strategize how to get him to do more with family. There are many reasons why
women stop complying with their husbandÕs anger. Some common examples are as
follows:
In
makes me feel terrible about myself when he gets mad at me
Children who grow up in
abusive or neglectful family develop that they are not authorized to protect
themselves from
mistreatment. Gina took
individual therapy because of feelings of depression and anxiety. She learned
how her past was affected
her present life. She
wrote down her reaction about her emotion, behavior, and belief in the journal
to become more conscious how
she talked to herself.
Cognitive-behavioral techniques.
State
your requests with an assumption of cooperation
This conversation should be an assumption of
cooperation and a belief that he wants to make her happy. Greg and Gina could
go a unproductive way in their conversation. The greater number task that he
should choose – the harder, the fewer number of tasks.
DonÕt
let your intimidation rule you
People change slowly. The main idea is to commit
to a new form of behavior for a set of time, such as six months to a year.
GinaÕs most serious problem was not just Greg and she also had her anxiety and
lack of entitlement. That is why you should make a plan.
I
donÕt want the children to witness conflict
Many
parents worry that marital fight is potentially traumatizing for their
children. Children clearly prefer if their parents
never fight. However
children are generally not harmed by parental fights. It may be better for you
get strong to withstand him.
ItÕs
not worth it to me to see him so upset, so I just give in
If
you live with a hostile spouse, you learn how to deal with your husbandÕs upset
without freaking out. WomenÕs socialization is
to be focused
compromises in their dealing with a manÕs out of control. Gina made list of
behavior that she wants to change.
I
feel sorry for him
Women grow up with fathers who are weak,
fragile, or dependent may feel so worried about hurting a manÕs feelings that
they never challenge. Winnie need to know that her husband could endure her
resisting to him before she could start making demands.
If
you feel afraid your strength consider the following :
Examine
where your beliefs come from.
Work
to see that it is not your job to hold up your husband.
Examine
your sense of guilt.
Going
forward with the angry husband
Dr,
Joshua recommended that you should begin to make change. People who live with
an intimidating spouse often believe that it
will change someday.
Children benefit from watching their parents strive to have their needs without
being too selfish or selfless.
The angry wife
Some women respond to childhood abuse by becoming submissive, others
become aggressive. Unfortunately, these women
interact with blazing every moment and women are more likely make their
husbands feel resentful and resistant to change.
Dealing
with guilt
Angry behavior can make intense feelings of guilt. Guilt contributes to
feelings of self-hatred. Self-hatred reduces your resilience
Because your internal
resources go showing wrong in your mind. Self-forgiveness and self-compassion
increase your resilience.
Exercise
on guilt
Some
common examples: List some behaviors that you feel chronically guilt.
I
feel gilt that about losing my patience with my children and/or husband.
I
feel guilty that I do not spend enough time with my
children/husband/friends/parents.
I
feel guilty bad about yelling at my husband or kids in the same way that I was
yelled at when I was a kid.
I
feel guilty about hitting my kids or husband.
I
feel guilty that I do not do more with or for my parents.
Pledge
Dr,
Joshua wants you to seriously commit to accepting yourself for whatever you
currently blame yourself of doing or not doing.
He
also said that you should reduce self-hatred and move toward self-forgiveness,
self-compassion, and a commitment to change.
Lecture
notes N16d
Table
16d. 1
Characteristics
of HusbandÕs Discourse
(Chart
read from the bottom up)
|
This chart is read from the bottom up |
THREEFOLD SELF OF HUSBAND |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR
(S) |
COGNITIVE
(C) |
AFFECTIVE
(A) |
|
|
3 UNITY
PHASE
focus on his wife |
Ÿ
always talks in a
friendly voice Ÿ
doesnÕt interrupt his
wife Ÿ
always appearing to be
interested, involved in conversation Ÿ
supportive of her thoughts |
Ÿ
adopts his wifeÕs
views Ÿ
thinks his masculine
view is not as important as his wifeÕs view (their view combined.) |
Ÿ
makes his wife more
central in his mind Ÿ
wants mental intimacy
with her Ÿ
does not resist
affective intimacy |
|
2 EQUITY
PHASE
focus
on topic/task |
Ÿ
talks like he is
always out to defend his views, rights, or conveniences
Ÿ
exaggerates and lies
to control her Ÿ
calls her bad names
and criticizes her |
Ÿ
thinks that her views
are not as important as his Ÿ
considers his views
fair and rational
Ÿ
hides his feelings to
control her |
Ÿ
has areas of his own
independence
Ÿ
tortures his wife by
resisting her |
|
1 MALE DOMINANCE
PHASE
focus on himself |
Ÿ
interrupts her
Ÿ
calls her names
Ÿ
uses harsh
tones
Ÿ
uses gestures and his
body to intimidate her or to punish her |
Ÿ
thinks that women are
less intelligent than men
Ÿ
dismisses her views
when itÕs convenient for him |
Ÿ
dominates her rather
than be intimate with her Ÿ
Would rather hang out
with his friends than his wife |
Observation:
A wife experiences and hears
her husband through their overt interactions (S). From her sensations, she can recognize what her
husband is thinking and feeling.
Male Dominance:
If a wife is constantly being
interrupted by her husband, she can feel it through her sensation and is unable
to fully express herself (S). If a man physically or mentally abuses his wife,
she starts to think (C) that he thinks (C) of her less. She will also think (C)
that he loves (A) to dominate her rather than be intimate with her (A).
Equity Phase:
If a husband is always trying
to defend his views, his wife will think (C) that he thinks (C) her views are
below his. This means that he is not committed mentally (C) or personally (A).
He wants to maintain his areas of independence.
**Sexual love in the
dominance and equity phases begin below the belt and move upward into the
chest.
Unity Phase:
If a wife sees that her
husband is polite, considerate and thoughtful of her feelings, then her
consciousness enters a conjugial sphere of heavenly peace because he wants to
conjoin with her in all areas of his three-fold self. A couple has reached the
final unity stage once the husband sees her views as more important than his
own. She will feel a sensation (S)
throughout her body, which can lead to sexual feelings.
**Sexual love in the unity
phase turns into conjugial love and begins in the chest and moves down below
the belt.
Section
3. Team exercise on readings
(a)
Summarize the main ideas presented by the team.
Dr.
Laura who is famous woman as a therapist and counselor. She supports and
promotes the male dominance phase of marriage. In the male dominance phase of
interaction, the wife is coerced to have sex with husband without feeling
mentally intimate with him. According the lecture notes, there are two steps;
(1) Teach husband that things can fix if he accepts the idea that he is the
cause of his wifeÕs aversion to having sex with him and (2) Teach husband how to obtain facts
from his wife concerning he turn her off and makes her feel sexually not
attracted toward him. From the video ÒCare and Feeding of MarriageÓ, Dr. Laura
says that the marriage always has trouble and she emphases that we create the
marriage makeover. There are two main ideas; one is that reflects on touching
and spectacular moments and the other is that think how to provoke good
moments. From the book ÒThe Proper Care and Feeding of MarriageÓ, Dr. Laura
approaches that man has the right to expect wife to have sex with him when he
wants it.
(b)
Describe what they did and how they interpreted it.
They
presented about Dr. Laura promotes the male dominance phase of marriage which
the wife coerces to have sex with husband. Also they explained about the male
dominance phase of interaction how to involve each other without mental
intimacy from the lecture notes. In addition, they described about the Dr.
LauraÕs video that talked about the book Proper Care and Feeding of
Marriage.
(c)
Describe some of the ideas that needed a better justification or greater amplification.
I
think that each person had great presentation speech to talk about the male
dominance phase of marriage. One person focused on the
lecture
notes to explain about the male dominance phase. The other person pointed out
the Dr. LauraÕs video to report the main ideas and content. Another person
talked about the parents and friends couple relationship based on the unity
model of marriage.
(d)
What was the success of the approach they used?
I
think that they succeeded the organization of the group presentation. After
they explained each section, they made an opinion about the
Dr.
LauraÕs male dominance perspectives either agree or disagree. From the Dr.
LauraÕs video, they also picked up the Dr. LauraÕs male dominance phase how to
involve each other in the marriage relationship. In the presentation, they
represented parent marriage relationship to relate with the material. Each
person had great success to present the topic and to provide the information
for classmates.
(e)
What improvements are needed in the procedures or in the instructions?
I
think that their presentation was success way to organize and to present the
lecture material. This presentation had a great variety of opinion about the
Dr. Laura supports the male dominance phase of marriage. After they presented
the topic of the male dominance phase of marriage, classmates participated
discussion to give an idea or opinion. In the male dominance phase, the wife
pressures to have sex with the husband without mental intimacy with him, so
they do not involve the cognitive and affective intimacy.
(f)
What are the limitations of these types of exercises?
I
think that they had various opinions to talk about the Dr. LauraÕs male
dominance perspective. However these exercises had limitation to discuss about
the Dr. LauraÕs the male dominance phase of marriage. Because there is the only
way to focus on the Dr. LauraÕs approach that we create simple significance
what the wife or the husband wants to and needs to in the marriage
relationship.
(g)
Describe what happened when you did some of the steps of the exercises.
Although Dr. Laura supports the male dominance
phase which focuses on him-self and she also talks about the unity model which
focuses on his wife in the video. I am impressed that Dr, Laura emphasizes that
how much time does husband spend time to think about wife and to
make her happy. When I think about my friends in
the marriage relationship, happy couples try to make the unity phase. Husband
tries to support wife, to adopt feminine view, and to love mental intimacy with
wife. So husband tries to think about how to make wife happy. Also wife tries
to love mental intimacy what husband is feeling to make husband happy. However,
unhappy couples do not try to consider each other what husband or wife doing /
thinking / feeling. I believe that married partners start the male dominance
phase but they can create the unity phase to involve the sensorimotor,
cognitive, and affective intimacy each other to enjoy married life and to make
husband / wife happy.
Section 4. Annotated web link
1. Emotional Effects
of Marital Abuse
http://eaandfaith.blogspot.com/2006/05/my-journey-from-marital-abuse.html
This
website provides a story from a woman who has experienced physical abuse from
her husband and how it has affected her throughout her life. As she stays and
attempts unity with him, he forever stays in the male dominance stage.
2.
Mental Abuse-The 7 Most Important Things To Know
http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849
This website provides the 7 different ways that men
mentally abuse their wives and gives advice to women who are going through it.
3.
Top 10 Marriage Mistakes
http://marriage.about.com/od/marriagetoolbox/tp/mistakes.htm
This website explains mistakes made in the
sensorimotor, cognitive and affective stages of the threefold self by men.
4.
How To Keep Your Sex Life Alive
http://marriage.about.com/library/howto/htsex.htm
This website tells you how to keep your sex life alive
and how it goes wrong. The article is directed towards husbands who are in the
male dominance and equity phase.
5.
Domestic Abuse
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
This website provides the warning signs and symptoms
of abusive relationships, and men who are in the male dominance stage use it
to get what they want from their spouse.
6. Pull-Resist
Relationship System
http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso?did=content&content.article=133
Dr. Paul gives her opinion on why marital sex often
dies after marriage. She defines what the Òpull-resist relationship systemÓ is
and
how it blocks a relationshipÕs sexual energy.
7.
Why Dr. Laura is (Usually) Right
http://www.probe.org/faith-and-culture/society/why-dr.-laura-is-usually-right.html
Read otherÕs opinions on Dr. LauraÕs advice and how
they think she is right, most of the time.
8.
DonÕt Listen to Dr. Laura
http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/fi/presley_21_1.html
Read what others have to say about Dr. Laura and how
they disagree with her teachings, compare and form your own opinion.
9.
Achieving Intimacy In Life
Learn the different types of intimacy, how to develop
last relationships and how to reach the unity model of marriage.
10.
Marital Intimacy
http://www.allaboutgod.com/marital-intimacy.htm
This
article shows the womenÕs view on the unity model of marriage and how a man can
achieve it. It also talks about what GodÕs role is in the process.