Ishikawa-report5

The Unity Model of Marriage

Psychology 409b / Spring 2008 / Generation 27

Dr.Leon James, Instructor, University of Hawaii

Ling to class homepage: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy27/classhome-g27.htm

Sumiyo Ishikawa

Alexander Rebecca / Sumiyo Ishikawa / O’Connell Praew / Washington Angela

Communication is a Key to establish Successful Marriage Relationship

Section 1. Lecture content

By O’Connell Praew

Lecture Note: Section 16e Field Activity: Monitoring Disconjuctive vs. Conjunctive Discourse

This lecture note requires understanding Table 16d.1(characteristics of husband’s discourse) and applies to your own observations of gender discourse. There are 4 categories of disjunctive replies of husbands and boyfriends.

1) Negation, Denial, Refusal

Example of Disjunctive replies in negation, denial and refusal. “She says “Let’s do x” but he says, “Let’s do y”, “she says, that’s not what it is. This is what it is. He says no way, it’s that”, “she says, it is not the right way to it, he says, yes it is”. These examples are unsexy conversational style because the husband tries to deny every opinion that his wife says to him or refuse to follow her idea and suggests that his own ideas are better than her. The conjunction replies of husbands and boyfriends would be opposite from disjunctive replies examples. For example, when she suggests him to do x, he should go along with her and follow her idea or opinion.

Conjunctive replies are the key to success in conjoint mind of husband and wife. In conjunctive mind, the couple becomes one merged individual. The wife wants her husband’s mind with her mind because it is the purpose of getting married and become one conjoint-self.

*From my experience, negation, denial and refusal of husband also happen to me. We sometimes have arguments because my husband does not want to follow my opinion or he does not feel like he wants to do what I suggest him to do. For example, I sometimes want to do watch movie but he said no because he give an excuse that he did not like the movie that I want to watch. Instead, he suggests me to go bowling with him because he can drink at there but not in the movie theater. He also told me that he always listens to me and he wants to do whatever he wants and do not to do thing when he does not want to do. Therefore, I think that we are in equity phase but not in male unity model because he wants to be fair by listening to me sometimes and he expects me to listen to him in return.

2) Disloyalty, Secrecy, Lies

The examples of disjunctive acts would be; he talks to his children about his wife and didn’t tell his wife and children love it because they can get their ways, he talks to his friends or stranger about his wife in the way that she would not like it, or he says something in public that might embarrass her. He lies and withholds information to control her because if she knows that, she might refuse or disagree. To become conjunctive with his wife, when he talks about his wife to his friend and she is not with him, he should talk like his wife can hear that. He should never talk to children about his wife without letting her know what he said. Also, he should not lies or keep secrets from her because all secrecy is disjunctive.

However, Secret works different for a wife. Wife’s secret is called “Spiritual secret”. She carries her secret in her heart and it is not a physical secret. She afraid that if she tells him about her secret about unity that she knows about him might break them up or he might not be able to handle it. She wants to protect their potentials until her husband grow his conjunction and wants to be unity with her willingly. After that she does not have to keep this secret anymore.

* When I first read about spiritual secret of the wife, I was surprised because I think that both men and women have the same probability of disloyal, secrecy and lies. The husband lies because he wants to keep things from her and get away from doing disjunctive act. I think that wife can also lie to keep things away from her husband and she can also do disjunctive act and do not want him to know it. However, I agree about the meaning of spiritual secret in which she wants to keep secret of unity to her husband because she afraid that her husband might not want to agree with it and might break them apart.

3) Abusiveness, Swearing, Yelling

He uses bad words or calls her derogatory name when he is in a bad mood or when his wife does something that he does not like. He raises his voice or yell at her. His abusiveness does not have to be in physical but also include passive aggressive. He uses his silence as a weapon to control her. These happen a lot in the male dominance phase because he has no respect to his wife at all and he thinks about himself more than her. He tries to control her and expect her to listen to him without objection. To become conjunctive with his wife, the husband should never yell or swear at her and he never abuses her in both physically or mentally. By yelling and swearing, it makes her feel unloved and desperate if whether he will love her more than he loves himself.

* I also got a lot of passive aggressive from my husband. He does not yell or swear at me when he get angry with me instead he becomes really quiet and turn his face away from me. When I asked him if there is something wrong he said no and don’t worry about it but I know he was mad. My husband argued that being silent is not abusive because he did not yell at her. Also, he said that if he yells and swear at me, it would make him angrier and I might yell back at him and everything might get worse. I think instead of being silent or yelling each other, we should communicate and listen to each other and try to solve the problem more reasonably.

4) After disturbing his Wife, Not making up Adequately Enough

After he makes a disjunctive acts, he does not make up or says apologize to her because he expects her to forget about it on her own. He thinks that he does not have to say apologize to her because he thinks that if his wife really loves him, she should forgive him. These are conjunctive acts and it hurts her both mentally and spiritually. Therefore, the husband should make up for every disjunctive act he makes and be aware that although she loves him so much, she still cannot forget and forgive him for being disconjunctive with her. Also, he should always remind himself that when a woman gives herself physically and sexually, she does it either in freedom or under pressure. For example, she might give him sex although she does not want to but she just wants him to be happy and hopefully he will understand and love her enough to be unit with in unity model. However, if her husband keeps doing a disjunctive act and never wants to change his act, it will prevent them from reaching the unity model of marriage.

* I think that guys sometimes do not want to say apologize or accept that what he did was wrong because guys sometimes want lower their status. I think that if the guy is still thinking in the male dominance phase, it would be so hard for him to say apologize to his wife or accept his disjunctive act but if he learns to love and understand his wife, he would commit himself more in the unity model and try to conjoint himself to his wife.

Section 2. Team presentation on readings

By Alexander Rebecca

The lazy husband – 8 : For the husband / 9 The lazy husband campaign by Joshua Coleman

Rebecca Alexander presented chapters 8 and 9 by Joshua Coleman

Men - Sex is important for men to feel significant and cared about by women in their relationships. Because they need physical closeness to feel

appreciated in their relationships.

Women - Sex is not as important for women, other things trump sex on their list: beneath affection, communication, caring, helping out with

housework and parenting are more important to women

Sex is not significant for most women to be happy in their relationships. They would much rather be wined and dined through a pleasant evening of conversation and affection than sexual gratification. And I agree, sex is great but if you are lacking communication and closeness in your relationship, the couple may begin to distance themselves from one another- because they aren’t aware of each other as individuals anymore, they are just aware of each others bodies.

This leads to the discussion of biology, being that woman ovulate only once a month- she has a finite amount of eggs throughout her lifetime and her time that she has to invest in being pregnant is substantial. While men produce sperm continuously throughout their lives, they are not limited to the amount of children they can foster, so realistically they can impregnate as many women as they would like to “spread their seed.”

This places a demand on women to choose their mates wisely, and to not sleep with just any one person. Women want to choose a man who can provide for her and their family will be able to raise children and be supportive in their relationship. While men on the other hand can sleep with as many women as they would like, disregarding women’s wishes of participation in family dynamics of parenting and housework, and instead of just having a good time.

According to Dr. Coleman, women would be much more inclined to have sexual relations with their husbands if men participated more throughout the day. Men who are considered by Dr. Coleman to be lazy, who disregard women’s requests for help, who do not lend a helping hand are less likely to receive sex from their wives on a regular basis. Women expect their husbands to take initiative once in a while, to do the dishes or make children their lunches without being told to do so. A quote from Dr. Coleman is “Being the sole person to clean the toilet is defiantly not an aphrodisiac!” Women who clean constantly will be exhausted by the end of the day- she won’t want to put the energy in- to having sex. But if housework and parenting is shared, men contribute to help. Women are more likely to have sex.

Dr. Coleman recounts calling all men lazy, sometimes it is the wife who is too demanding and unreasonable. For instance, women may nitpick at the smallest minute details, becoming upset over improper laundry folding, or spots on the dishes. Dr. Coleman emphasizes that husbands and wives should sit down together and create a list to discuss what things he is doing, and what he can improve upon. It is important for men to offer their support in terms of providing a helping hand, but it is also important for women not to attack men in what they are doing, because this may lead men to become even more reserved. The couple should learn to bargain and manage the list that they had created together. If men mow the lawn and do yard work, she will see that he is making an effort to make their home appear pleasant. Wives may allow their husbands to have a guy’s night out if he satisfies her request for help.

Dr. Coleman influences males to praise their wives as much as they can: to let her know that he appreciates her. Subtle compliments about how she dresses, her hair or her perfume allows the husband to relay to his wife that he loves her and that he appreciates her. If he lightly touches her hair when he compliments her, he is connecting with her, taking the extra effort to make contact- a warm touch. This consideration is consistent with couples being either in the Equity or Unity model. According to the Lecture notes, this type of contact is considered to be Physical Intimacy (Sensorimotor Conjunction). This does not necessarily mean sex, but it is as mentioned a light touch or hug to show that he cares.

When couples learn to avoid fighting about trivial elements of their relationship and instead begin to sit down to discuss problems they have, they can come to an agreements and conclusions to find solutions. Couples are able to reach Emotional Intimacy through these steps of being there for one another, by reaching the Equity Phase. Emotional Intimacy (Affective Conjunction) is considered to be a very fragile and vulnerable state to be in because you are expressing your feelings and laying yourself on the line. But couples should be there for one another, having trust as their main ingredient in their relationship. And if through these processes- they reach Unity- they in turn are able to reach Spiritual Intimacy. By exhibiting these emotions, trust, agreement at all times- they will reach a great place of contentment in their relationships.

Personal Opinion

I agree with Dr. Coleman. I have been faced with these same events in my previous relationship, after a while we would just hangout; see a movie or eat dinner and have sex. We would not really have a thorough discussion about ourselves before or after, we would either go to sleep or watch TV. That is a pretty sad realization that sex can take over ones life. I missed having communication and a closeness that began to become lacking over time. To resolve this issue I began to speak up more and ask about his day. We would have a conversation about ourselves, because I would much rather spend the night talking and sharing than rolling over and going to sleep.

When I get married I believe that even if my husband is working, he should be able to help out, because I don’t want to do everything myself! I do not want to live in a Traditional Marriage of Male Dominance, a man just lounging on the couch. I would want a Transitional Marriage of Equity in which he feels that it is important to support me as a wife, and I support him as a husband. I am seeking to obtain a job as a nurse, so I will be striving to succeed in my own career. I will have to work 12 hour shifts in which I am on my feet the whole time. I do not want to marry a man who will expect me to cook a dinner after I’ve had a stressful day at work. I believe that he should take the duty to prepare a meal for me once in a while, to show me that the honeymoon is not over. I wish to one day be in the Equity phase with my partner, being able to communicate and discuss our feelings and issues without one person taking lead over the situation, I want to reach agreements together.

Generation curriculum C24

Tracey Nieto presented C24 using two of the provided Generational Reports by previous students Buchner and Montague. Anti-Unity Values

(AUV) were discussed in these reports, which consists of values that inhibits a couple from gaining Affective conjunction found in the Unity

model of marriage.

1) Living together unmarried

2) Having children out of wedlock

3) Making each other jealous on purpose

4) Adultery for various reasons

5) Promiscuity and bi-sexuality

6) Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner

7) Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

8) Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

9) Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners

10) Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)

11) Separate interests and activities accepted for partners

12) Manipulating partner through deception

13) Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things

14) Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.

15) Girls only or boys only entertainment

16) Acceptance of the idea that men are more important

17) Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women

18) Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender

19) Making it look normal for a man to exploit women

20) Making it look normal for a man to abuse women

21) Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men,

doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)

22) Making it look like what women say and think as less important

23) Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the

minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable"

etc.)


Examples of Anti-Unity Values can be seen in the media through television shows:

Everybody Loves Raymond

                        • Encouragement of Male Dominance

                        • Promotion of women’s servitude and duty to her husband

                                    - Ray’s mother serves dinner and cleans the home, while encouraging the men to rest and relax.

• Husband and wife’s relationship is not exclusively intimate in that Raymond’s family member are always involved

                        • A.U.V # 9, Ray’s golf trips with his male friends

- Exclusion of his family to be with his friends

Sex and the City

                        • Living together unmarried (A.U.V. # 1)

                        • Promiscuity and bi-sexuality (A.U.V. # 5)

                                    -All the girls dated and slept with many men to satisfy their emotions and sexuality.

                        • having a child out of wedlock (A.U.V. # 2)

Desperate Housewives

                        • Adultery (A.U.V. # 4)

-A wife cheated on her husband purposefully because he was not giving her the attention that she wanted.

                        • Making each other jealous on purpose (A.U.V. # 3)                   

Personal Opinion

I feel that some of these AUV’s are an understatement of ones relationship. Perhaps if the couple lived together (# 1) they could learn how to deal with problems that they experienced and strengthen their passion for each other, or discover that they are not meant to be together. I feel that it is acceptable for couples to cohabitate before they are serious enough to get married and discover these faults later- it can be a step that they can take to decide if they are right for one another. Other AUV’s such as #4 and 5, adultery and promiscuity can not be acceptable to either partner because it is morally wrong and threatens their union of reaching Unity.

I believe that couples should follow the “Golden Rule” do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. If you cheat, or don’t treat your significant other well, then expect them to do the same- to cheat and treat you poorly as well. This is because if you disregard someone else’s feelings, how can you expect them to give you love and care, they should not because it will only enforce Male Dominance, not Equity or Unity.

Section 3. Team exercise on readings

By Washington Angela

(a) Summarize the main ideas presented by the team. 


This week I presented alongside three other ladies, Lisa Ha, Sumiyo Ishikawa and Josie Garcia. The presentation was on Exercise 10.2, were

we had to analyze and compare concepts from the website, Achieving Intimacy In Life Learning to Develop Lasting Relationships, to the

Unity Model of Marriage and determine if they are in agreement. The main ideas were categorized as Mental Intimacy, Physical Intimacy,

Spiritual Intimacy and Emotional Intimacy.

(b) Describe what they did and how they interpreted it. 


As I mentioned above, Lisa and I divided the 4 intimacies, while the other two members addressed Communication, the 5 A's of Relationships-and the author, Gary Smalley's, 5 secrets to a healthy marriage and discussed those concepts accordingly. Our presentations were shared with one another via email, because due to unforeseen circumstances, we did not collectively present our material on the same day. Two students presented on that particular day and I presented on the following week with one more presenter this week. The first presenter I will summarize is Lisa Ha. Lisa reported on physical and mental intimacy as provided by the previously mentioned website. According to the website:

"Mental Intimacy is a process of two minds working as one. It is being like-minded, or having the same purpose or goal. "Mental intimacy

is best described by the acronym L.O.V.E. L-Listen O-Overlook and forgive V-Value Each Other E-Express Love

This form of intimacy only grows through communication, which creates a better understanding of each other. In relation to the Unity

Model, Lisa suggests that her two concepts, mental and physical intimacy, both have to be met in order to reach the unity phase. Has in her

presentation, Lisa also elaborates on the negative aspect of nonexclusive sex, claiming that in order achieve unity between two partners, one

must not practice nonexclusive sexual "intimacy" simply because doing so is selfish and not making that commitment to be exclusive with

each other is hellish and will not make for a good healthy intimate relationship. Physical Intimacy is the actual touch between spouses. More

than just sex, physical intimacy is a touch of tenderness, warmth and kindness. It is a process in growing intimacy not the end result.

Kindness means to have sympathy or affection for something, in this case your spouse. Lisa connected the different phases of the unity

model with the levels of sexual intimacy.

4 situations that we engage in during sexual activity.

Phase (0) Sex without mental intimacy, not trying to achieve marital unity,

Phase (1) sensorimotor system of partners is the central feature. They each think of their own thoughts and feelings. (DOMINANCE

PHASE)

Phase (2) Cognitive and sensorimotor phases of conjunction occur. Becomes more intimate, knowing of each others attitudes, values and

being familiar with each other’s sense of humor and understand each other. (EQUITY PHASE)

Phase (3) Affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor intimacies all occur. Sexual pleasure is more personal, more meaning and satisfying. (UNITY PHASE)

My presentation focused on spiritual intimacy and emotional intimacy. In spiritual intimacy, you and your partner have a bond of the deepest level. This in essence, is the unity phase. The couple is no longer "me" but rather "we", like to Dr. James and his lovely wife. To achieve spiritual intimacy, one must make a commitment to each other, and in my case as a Christian, my boyfriend and I have the same values and morals that allow us to build upon faith in one another, primarily because we both have faith in God. That strong base in our love is our trust and faith in God who will protect us against temptation and doubt. One must believe in God to have spiritual intimacy, other wise it will not last. God- or The Divine Psychologist, puts certain things in our paths such as temptation, just to test our character. As we express free will and make the right choices, we are rewarded with the assurance that our relationship will stand the test of time. Having that mutual commitment to God, will develop a spiritual intimacy with your partner that will keep you both from cheating on your mate. In Christianity we call this courting, making that commitment to God and your mate to ultimately unify in marriage.

I gave an example of my best friend who I feel is a border line satanic worshiper. Reason being, she does not place much value on human life, as oppose to animal life. She believes that there is no God, however, that there is something bigger. There are many personal reasons as to why I also dream her a devil worshipper, but for the sake of not writing a 30 page report, I will leave it at that. This friend of mine, also claims that she is spiritual and that her current relationship has reached spiritual intimacy. I beg to differ. I explained to her that in order to make this clam, she would have to believe in God and if she was as spiritual as she perceives herself to be, then she would not have such a negative self-image. After all, a strong spiritual basis is the foundation for a positive self- image.

My second level of intimacy, is emotional intimacy. This is were both partners put themselves "out there" for their mate, by sharing their

thoughts feelings and experiences in an honest way. This level is challenging because each of you are subject to being vulnerable and possibly rejected by your significant other. When the previous levels (mental, physical and spiritual intimacy), are being pursued, this allows for emotional intimacy to reign. It is considered the spinal cord of the relationship, holding everything upright and keeping the love alive. The following are the vital signs on the web site, that also aid in keeping LOVE alive!

Love is kept alive by how we say it.

Love is kept alive by caring enough to listen.

Love is kept alive when two people realize they do not always have to be right.

Love is kept alive in patience.

Love is kept alive in an atmosphere of constructive and positive reinforcement.

Love is kept alive by demonstrating common courtesy.

Love is kept alive in a mutual give and take.

Love is kept alive when we seek to eliminate angry episodes.

Love is kept alive with short memories of evil and long memories of good.

Love is kept alive in a never ending commitment to love.

All of the above signs, are prevalent in a unity phase marriage.

(c) Describe some of the ideas that needed a better justification or greater amplification. 


Although I was not present as my team presented in class Tuesday, via their typed material, I was able to grasp their interpretation of the content of exercise 10.2. I am not too sure how they verbally presented their parts, although I am sure they did an excellent job. I understand that although we did not uniformly present our ideas, it should not have been too hard to follow along with the main ideas of the presenters- if all members of the class actually did the exercise prior to coming to class. Therefore, it should not have been hard to follow in my opinion.

(d) What was the success of the approach they used?

We divided the exercise up so that each person had one (or 2) specific topics, and from there, we were enabled to compare the ideas to the unity model while incorporating our personal examples and ideas. I actually think that having 2 presenters the first day, actually benefited the class. They were able to leave early after such a long spring vacation, and got a refresher at the next class meeting. While my other classmate is set to present this coming week, we will be provided with even more information in exercise 10.2.




(e) What improvements are needed in the procedures or in the instructions? 


The instructions were clear as a crystal and no improvements are necessary in the procedures. The material on the web site coincided with the unity model in more ways than one, as expressed earlier in this section.

(f) What are the limitations of these types of exercises?


There is not any limitation to these types of exercises. It is presenting the material in the time allotted that is limited. We are only given 10 minutes to express views from both the author and of ourselves, also including our personal examples and trying to explain the concepts to the rest of the class in depth. At times we either run over or try to cut it short in order not to be penalized by Dr. James.

(g) Describe what happened when you did some of the steps of the exercises. 

Well, I elaborated in great detail in the above section (b), on my experiences with both my boyfriend and my best friend, and how they responded to the idea of both spiritual intimacy and emotional intimacy. I stand firm in my faith in God and how he is involved in every aspect of my life and those who love him. I am so fortunate to have someone in my life who agrees with me whole heartedly about how God is in control and the focus of our very existence. With my mate, I am building through spirituality, a concrete relationship and partnership. Having faith in God will allow us to move interiorly through the phases of the Unity Model of Marriage with great success.

As far as my friend who does not believe in God, all I can do is live by example and show her that God is real and has made such a difference in my life. Everyone has different reason's for denying that God exist, however, none of those people can prove that he does not. Love is what God is. Anyone who has ever expressed love or felt love, has experienced God. I would like to end with a quote from a well known atheist Bertrand Russell, " Unless you assume a God, the question of life's purpose is meaningless."

Section 4. Annotated web link

By Sumiyo Ishikawa

1. Intimacy – Increasing intimacy in marriage

http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/marital_intimacy.aspx

This web page explains how to involve mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy with each other. When I took family

resource class, I studied about intimacy, marriage & families and I learned that married couples are happy to express love, and work together for their family and they tried to involve for intimate relationships at every interaction. In this site also emphasized that "Married people tend to be healthier, live longer, have more wealth and economic assets, and have more satisfying sexual relationships than single or cohabiting individuals. In addition, children generally do better emotionally and academically when they are raised in two-parent families" by Oslon. (2000) I agree with Oslon because marriage couples are happy and healthy because they try to involve sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective intimacy based on the unity model of marriage relationship.

2. Intimacy – Relationship rule

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-3542.html

This web page talks about how to make healthy love life and keep healthy marriage relationship with partner. There are some basic

rules in the relationship to achieve intimacy in life-style. Also this web site gives us how to interact with each other, I agree with this

tips especially I believe that respect for partner is a very important way to achieve intimacy what partner is doing / thinking / feeling.

3. Intimacy – Physical and Emotional intimacy

http://www.marriagequest.org/intimacy.html

This web page focuses on physical and emotional intimacy are the essential ways to understand, to share, and to connect with each

other. I agree that physical and emotional intimacy are very important keys to express the feeling of love emotion for partners. I

believe that we can achieve physical and emotional intimacy to enhance the healthy life-style in the unity marriage relationship.

4. Spiritual intimacy – Covering: Morality, Ethics, Shared Existence & Shared Goals

http://www.couplescompany.com/advice/Articles/Intimacy_Stages/Intimacy5.htm

This web page describes how to achieve spiritual intimacy and many couples try to accomplish spiritual intimacy for sharing morals

and values. I agree that we develop spiritual intimacy to share goals what we are going for our future in the unity marriage relationship. I believe that spiritual intimacy in the best ways to motivate each other and to improve in the marriage relationship.

5. Marital intimacy – The connection

http://www.allaboutgod.com/marital-intimacy.htm

This web page explains about how to share, to understand, and to connect with each other in the marital intimacy. I agree that the idea

of intimacy is the ways of connection with partner. In this site, it emphasizes that the marital intimacy achieves mental, physical,

emotional, spiritual intimacy. I believe that we can learn how to communicate with each other to achieve intimacy between partners.

6. Romance / Intimacy - Increasing Your Intimacy 100 Percent

http://www.smalleyonline.com/articles/m_increasingintimacy.html

This web page is Dr. Gary Smalley’s official homepage to help families. I read articles how to increase intimacy with partner and I

am impressed with Gary and Norma’s relationship. According to Gary, he said that intimacy is that they feel safe with each other to

share their feelings and needs. I believe that intimacy is very peaceful ways to share, to understand, and to interact with each other.

7. Commitment - Commitment to marriage, emotional engagement key to wives' happiness

http://www.physorg.com/news11319.html

This web page said that husband’ emotional commitment is a important factor to show strong commitment for wife’s marital

happiness. Studies show that married women are happy to share and the best marriages are successful ways to achieve unity marriage

relationship. I agree that my parents also share, work together and support feeling of emotion to make her happy. I believe that

commitment is a very important way to make strong relationship and to achieve intimacy with partner in the marriage relationship.

8. Communication – Communication in marriage

http://www.videojug.com/interview/communication-in-marriage-2

This web video shows what is effective communication in marriage and it means what you say to partner is heard by partner. Dr. Sheri

emphasized that effective communication is an important way to learn how to talk to each other and how to hear for partner in a

healthy marriage. I agree that communication is very useful way to understand what partner is thinking or feeling and to improve

marriage relationship. I believe that effective communication is a way of achieving mental intimacy in the unity marriage relationship.

9. Communication – Key to Successful Marriage: Say 'Thank You'

http://www.livescience.com/health/070727_household_chores.html

This web page recommends that successful marriage is not only to share household chores but also to express appreciation each other.

I agree that expressing gratitude is very successful communication to keep good relationship and to success marriage. I believe that we

express “Thank you” each other to share in married life and gratitude to a husband or wife is very fruitful way to succeed with partner.

10. Relationship – 7 secrets to a long — and happy marriage

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19031744/

This web page is the best ways to present the unity marriage relationship. Two bachelors learn what makes a good marriage from

couples who have been married decades. They tell us that the seven secrets are successful ways to understand each other, to keep happy

marriage and to show love. I agree that commitment is an important key to make strong relationship in married life and respect is a

successful communication to make a good marriage. I believe that commitment is very important purpose to succeed married life.