Phases and Factors; The Path to Unity
Report 4
Tracey Nieto
N. Salviejo,
S. Ishikawa, L. Ha
PSY 409b, Spring 2008, Generation 27
Dr. Leon James,
Instructor,
SECTION 1: LECTURE, N. Salviejo
This week’s lecture discusses the heavily male-dominant focused writings of Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Dr. Phil. As explained by Dr. James, their perspectives celebrate men while placing blame on their women partners who are deemed as the problematic persons in the relationship. Unlike Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil, the unity model of marriage proposes an alternative way of understanding marriage, which involves seeing men as having equal involvement (if not more responsibility) for creating problems within a couple’s marriage.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Male Dominance Phase of Marriage
The lecture notes offer a strong critique of Chapter 6 of Dr. Laura’s Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, as well as of Dr. Phil’s daytime self-help television series, and states that there are nine different assumptions that can be drawn from their male dominant perspectives:
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In terms of how Dr. Laura’s and Dr. Phil’s view of marriage fall under the Three-fold Self of the Unity Model of Marriage we will use the chart below:
|
PHASE THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS |
THREEFOLD SELF |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR |
COGNITIVE |
AFFECTIVE |
|
|
Level 3 UNITY
Rational Mentality ------- Relationship at the INTERNAL LEVEL (spiritual marriages) |
Zone 7 Rational sensorimotor acts ------- e.g., partners' movements are coordinated to each other to
form a synergy |
Zone 8 Rational cognitive processes ------- e.g., partners discover and always strive to agree with
each other's opinions and justifications |
Zone 9 Rational affective
states ------- e.g., the husband always strives to align his feelings or
desires to match his wife's feelings |
|
Level 2 EQUITY Competitive Mentality ------- Relationship at the INTERMEDIATELEVEL (natural marriages) |
Zone 4 Competitive sensorimotor acts ------- e.g., partners' movements are competitive with each other |
Zone 5 Competitive
cognitive
processes ------- e.g., partners often disagree with each other's opinions
and justifications |
Zone 6 Competitive affective states ------- e.g., partners take turns giving in even if they don't
agree |
|
Level 1 DOMINANCE Authoritarian Mentality ------- Relationship at the EXTERNAL LEVEL (natural marriages) |
Zone 1 Authoritarian sensorimotor acts ------- e.g., the wife's movements are directed by the husband
using force, threat, or intimidation |
Zone 2 Authoritarian cognitive processes ------- e.g., the wife knows the husband's prerogatives and
strives to submit to them under fear of retaliation |
Zone 3 Authoritarian affective states ------- e.g., the partners' interactions are governed by the
expectations of tradition and family |
Using the Three-fold self chart above from the Unity Model of Marriage, we can conclude that when a married woman is coerced or pressured to have sex with her husband, their relationship falls under Zone 1, or the dominance phase, where the husband displays authoritarian sensorimotor behavior with his wife. When the couple has sex without striving to have mental intimacy, they then fall under Zone 2 or Zone 3 of the dominance phase.
Ultimately, male dominance oriented therapists, such as Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil fail to realize how the men themselves contribute to any conflicts that the couple may experience during their marriage, by solely placing blame on their women partners. For example, if a husband commits infidelity, it is because his wife could not satisfy his needs, but when a wife has an extra-marital affair, it shows how much she disrespects her husband and has taken him for granted. According to Dr. James, “What Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura and the other male dominance oriented therapists need to do is to start with the husband, not the wife. In other words, start objectively by going directly to the source of the wife's aversion towards having sex with him. If sex in marriage is to be intimate and loving, rather than exploitative and coercive, it is the husband who needs to find ways to make the wife feel like being sexually intimate with him.”
Dr. James’ comment shows that in order for a couple to be more equal and harmonious in nature, husbands must look within themselves in order to change the nature of their authoritarian-like marriages. Husbands must also realize, the rights of their wives and respect their choices to have/or not have sex with them. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In addition, Dr. James offers advice to husbands and wives (as well as marriage counselors) that serve as steppingstones in order for the couple to attain a marriage that resembles the unity phase of marriage.
With this realization, men will become more conscious of the negative ways they interact with their wives and will learn how to curb such negative behaviors.
By having this open dialogue, couples are able to understand and respect one another’s choices. The couple will also solve conflicts involving sexual blackmail placed on the woman who is guilted or exploited into believing that it is her “obligation” to be sexually intimate with her husband even though it goes against her own wishes.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Personal Thoughts
While I find fault with the advice provided by male-dominance oriented therapists, such as Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil, I feel that the Unity Model of Marriage cannot go without its own critique. I recognize that the Unity Model of Marriage has a more liberated view of women’s involvement within a marriage, but I also feel that it may be too harsh on the men in these same relationships. Not all men are authoritarian-like, nor do they all wish to commit sexual blackmail against their partners. When a couple experiences any type of conflict within their relationship, both partners must look within themselves to see how they have negatively contributed to each conflict and must both work together in order for their relationship to be more “harmonious”.
SECTION 2:
The Lazy Husband, Chapter 6
By, Joshua Coleman
It’s a personality
thing
A key part of creating change in a marriage comes from achieving an understanding of how your and your partner’s personalities affect your marriage. You need to know your past and to understand your partner’s past. Understand his personality because it can help you correct his misperceptions about you and help you communicate in ways that do not trigger his anxiety, negativity, and defensiveness. This chapter will present common personality types, how they can create problems and how they can change. There are 4 types of personality husband or wife; the boy-husband, The worried wife, The worried husband, The perfectionist wife, The perfectionist husband, The angry husband, and The angry wife.
The boy-husband
Bob was 26 years old and working at
an electronics stores as a floor sales man. Bob was attracted to
Just one more child to take care of
Commonly women complain that living
with their husband is like having another child. In
Work to feel less responsible for him
Become aware of the
your feelings of over responsibility and work toward more detached from
those feelings. Women are socialized to feel responsible for others, and many
women have a hard time to feel happy if their husband or children are worried
in any way. In
Gain an understanding of why you are overly responsible
Use nonjudgmental language to let your partner know of
your change
If you have a new idea to manage,
it is a good idea to give your partner attention without humiliating him. In
Make an honest assessment of whether some part of you
likes or benefits from your partner’s dependency
It may make you focus on what he is doing wrong and ignore what he is doing right. If this is the case, you have to strive to recognize that part of yourself and begin to move your attention to the positive aspects of your partner’s behavior or contributions. Bob never leaned that how to be a fully functioning adult. Bob’s dependency was caused by his parental neglect.
Don’t expect overnight change
It is more likely to take some time for them to successfully change. What can change overnight is how much you do for your partner that he can rightly do for himself. This is important because you can have time to apply activities for your liking by eliminating your function of over responsibility
The worried wife
Worry is often at the core of overly responsible behavior. Liya refused to get baby-sitting because she terrified of leaving the children with a baby-sitter due to the occasional stories about child kidnapping or abuse. Liya’s husband got angry at her because she would never go out on a date with him without children. Liya needed to learn how to tolerate leaving the children with baby-sitters. Liya became more confident to go away for a weekend without being terrified within a year.
What to do if this describes you
Strive to understand the nature of your worry. Ask yourself the following questions :
Does
it appear rational ?
Did
something happen in my childhood or past that has left me feeling unsafe ?
If
so, is it possible that it is interfering with my judgment and assessment of
danger for my children, or those closest to me ?
Do
others tell me that I worry too much tease me about my excessive worry ?
Do
the things that I worry over rarely come to pass ?
If
so, am I able to integrate that knowledge or do I quickly move on to the next worry ?
If you answer yes in the several items, your worry is probably interfere with your life and may be interfering with your marriage.
Begin to push back against your worries
Make a decision to push against one or two of the worries that are interfering with your life. Make a commitment to do small steps that are learning to tolerate worry.
The worried husband
While women have a more common feature against excessive worry, many men also have this problem. Mark was raised in a family with parents who constantly worried about money. When he become parent, he constantly worried that something bad was going to happen to his family. Early in his marriage, his wife experienced his worry over her and the children. When the children became older, she began to feel more weighed down by his constant worries and inability to relax and enjoy the many things.
What to do if this describe your partner
Don’t criticize him for his worry.
People who worry excessively feel
suffering and would gradually stop if they could. Express for him such as “It sadness me to see that you feel so
tortured by these worried. It is okay with me if you do not do it exactly
right.”
Tease him if he’ll let you.
People who are worries often know that they are out of control with it. If he has a sense of humor, you try to joke with him. This technique only works if he has a sense of humor and he appears to feel comfortable.
Don’t allow his worries to rule the roost.
If he worries to much in front of the children, show them other option, without undermining him. People often control their behavior in response to their partner’s needs, desires, and insecurities, women especially.
Have him talk to his doctor about a medication
evaluation
Excessive worry may be due to a biological condition. There are a number of psychological diagnoses that cause people to worry, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and a host of anxiety disorders.
The perfectionistic wife
Perfectionists often have a hard time enjoying their lives or their marriage. Being a perfectionist is stressful because it makes you
more likely to believe, often irrationally, that your partner is also holding you to this impossible standard. This is an important perception to gain control since both men and women feel unhappier in their marriages and communicate less effectively when they expect perfection of themselves.
Are you a perfectionisit ?
I can not relax if something is incomplete.
Noting
I do is never quite good enough.
I
can never stop and take pride in what I have done. I am always off to the next
task.
I can never please anyone.
I never can get anything right.
People are always looking for the
chink in my armor.
If
people get to know me, they will see how inadequate I really am.
I
have to work extremely hard to maintain a good impression and it is really
exhausting.
I
take pride and pleasure in my hard standards but I drive everyone around me
work on.
Some examples of a perfectionistic
orientation toward your spouse are :
He can never do things all of the way, it is
always half-assed.
If he only tried a little harder, I
would be happier.
I
am always mad at my husband for one things or another because he never gets
stuff right.
Do your husband or others frequently :
Say that you are misreading or mishearing
what being said
Tell you that you are too sensitive.
Worry that you don not relax enough.
Complain that you are overly
defensive or overly critical.
Strive to understand the origins of your feelings
What about your past or your childhood made you feel that something would occur if you were less than perfect ?
Examine your irrational beliefs
Go to the section titled are you a perfectionist ? Choose three or four of these examples to start actively.
Examine your criticism about you husband
If you are a perfectionists, it is possible that your perfectionism interferes with your ability to look at the ways that he positively
contributes to the family. Pick up one or two points what you will work to appreciate him, and two other points what you are going
to stop complaining about him.
The perfectionistc husband
Perfectionists can be hard to live with. Living with a husband who has perfectionistic expectations of you may be cause you to feel controlled, dominated, or criticized. You may feel frustrated that he has a hard time relaxing or feeling good about himself. Men who are perfectionists are less like to be lazy husbands, perfectionists tend to hardworking and obsessive.
The angry husband
Living with a hostile or abusive spouse can make you feel depressed, anxious, or afraid. You may need to know how to decrease his authority before you can effectively strategize how to get him to do more with family. There are many reasons why women stop complying with their husband’s anger. Some common examples are as follows:
In makes me feel terrible about myself when he gets mad
at me
Children who grow up in abusive or neglectful family develop that they are not authorized to protect themselves from mistreatment. Gina took individual therapy because of feelings of depression and anxiety. She learned how her past was affected her present life. She wrote down her reaction about her emotion, behavior, and belief in the journal to become more conscious how she talked to herself. Cognitive-behavioral techniques.
State your requests with an assumption of cooperation
This conversation should be an assumption of cooperation and a belief that he wants to make her happy. Greg and Gina could go a unproductive way in their conversation. The greater number task that he should choose – the harder, the fewer number of tasks.
Don’t let your intimidation rule you
People change slowly. The main idea is to commit to a new form of behavior for a set of time, such as six months to a year. Gina’s most serious problem was not just Greg and she also had her anxiety and lack of entitlement. That is why you should make a plan.
I don’t want the children to witness conflict
Many parents worry that marital fight is potentially traumatizing for their children. Children clearly prefer if their parents never fight. However children are generally not harmed by parental fights. It may be better for you get strong to withstand him.
It’s not worth it to me to see him so upset, so I just
give in
If you live with a hostile spouse, you learn how to deal with your husband’s upset without freaking out. Women’s socialization is
to be focused compromises in their dealing with a man’s out of control. Gina made list of behavior that she wants to change.
I feel sorry for him
Women grow up with fathers who are weak, fragile, or dependent may feel so worried about hurting a man’s feelings that they never challenge. Winnie need to know that her husband could endure her resisting to him before she could start making demands.
If you feel afraid your strength consider the following :
Examine where your beliefs come from.
Work
to see that it is not your job to hold up your husband.
Examine your sense of guilt.
Going forward with the angry
husband
Dr, Joshua recommended that you should begin to make change. People who live with an intimidating spouse often believe that it
will change someday. Children benefit from watching their parents strive to have their needs without being too selfish or selfless.
The angry wife
Some women respond to childhood abuse by becoming submissive, others become aggressive. Unfortunately, these women interact with blazing every moment and women are more likely make their husbands feel resentful and resistant to change.
Dealing with
guilt
Angry behavior can make intense feelings of guilt. Guilt contributes to feelings of self-hatred. Self-hatred reduces your resilience. Because your internal resources go showing wrong in your mind. Self-forgiveness and self-compassion increase your resilience.
Exercise on
guilt
Some common examples: List some behaviors that you feel chronically guilt.
I feel gilt that about losing my patience
with my children and/or husband.
I feel guilty that I do not spend enough
time with my children/husband/friends/parents.
I feel guilty bad about yelling at my
husband or kids in the same way that I was yelled at when I was a kid.
I feel guilty about hitting my kids or
husband.
I feel guilty that I do not do more with or
for my parents.
Pledge
Dr, Joshua wants you to seriously commit to accepting yourself for whatever you currently blame yourself of doing or not doing. He also said that you should reduce self-hatred and move toward self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and a commitment to change.
The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, Chapter 6
By, Dr. Laura Schlessinger
In this chapter Dr. Laura addresses how to help “fix” broken marriages and gives ten suggestions on how this can be done. She believes that instead of giving up and throwing the marriage away, couples should do whatever it takes to fix it. This is also what the teams presented and gave their insights on each step. When I read this chapter I was quite surprised that I found almost all of her suggestions veered away from the Male Dominance Model and into the Equity Model, some even hinting toward the first stages of the Unity Model.
1) There Is No “I” In Team
In this step she emphasizes the point that in a marriage you are a team. I strongly agree with this point. She states that when the going gets to feeling hopeless and way too ugly, it is time to remember the covenant and your earliest dreams and hopes for the relationship.
Here, she gave an example of a couple who were older when they began their marriage. However, their relationship became more like brother and sister rather than husband and wife. When he saw her cooking for a sick neighbor one day, he stated that he fell in love with her when she cooked him dinner. Then she commented back that she fell in love with him while they were dancing. So a week later they went dancing. I enjoyed this small story because he listened to what she said and acted on it by taking her dancing. In turn she started cooking for him more often. In this step, I believe Dr. Laura brings her suggestions into the Unity Model because it shows that by the husband affectively listening to his wife, he was able to open her back up and bring love and happiness into their marriage again. Remember back to what made you “fall in love” and make that memory live today.
3) Mutual Forgiveness
In this step, Dr. Laura speaks of a couple whose marriage just didn’t seem to fall into place after the first year. The stresses and unpredictable events of life left them with hard feelings between them very early on. How they eventually dealt with the impending explosion of animosity toward each other was that they forgave each other, and agreed to let the past die and start over. Although I do believe that this step is a good start, it is just that, a start. I think that in order for it to really work, and improve the marriage they would both have to agree on that point for the remainder of their marriage.
4) Dump Your Prideful Ways
Here, Dr. Laura addresses how couples behave toward each other and how that can greatly differ than how they behave and interact with family, friends and even strangers. She states that you probably don’t take the time to really listen, instead you just get defensive and attack back to try to make yourself look better- and it works the opposite way. Her suggestion is to just listen without speaking- don’t explain, excuse or defend your self. Show respect for the state of mind, perspective, and feelings of the one you love. I found myself agreeing with her on this step especially because she seemed to touch upon affective intimacy. If you own each others feelings then the reward will be the gift of a healthy, loving marriage.
5) Ignore the Sometimes Not So Small Stuff
This means taking responsibility for your own actions and focusing on how to personally change rather than making the other change. This is one I didn’t completely agree with. Dr. Laura gives an example with the account of a couple with an abusive relationship. When the couple would fight, the husband felt that his wife was provoking him with hurtful words, so he would get even angrier. This would escalate to physical abuse. Dr. Laura states that it is never useful to escalate a situation by reciprocating with your own bad behavior. To a point this is true, however, I don’t think ignoring this kind of problem is a good solution.
6) You’re the Genius!... No, Honey, YOU’RE the Genius!
Dr. Laura suggests trying to remember that two heads can be much better than one if you show some respect for the other’s head. It is better and healthier for a relationship to come up with a solution together than each of you separately. Instead of fighting your partners’ perspective, make the effort to find something good about it. That way they feel heard and appreciated instead of feeling considered stupid and useless. She calls it loving negotiation.
7) Nicer to Strangers
Here, Dr. Laura states that it is easy to take advantage of love and your loved one, and love for granted. Don’t- you have too much to lose and the potential of too many people being hurt. She believes, as well as I do, that if you don’t treat your partner so poorly then they won’t either. Ideally, this is true. However, it is not always so in all relationships. That’s why I think this step would work well in the Equity and Unity Model.
8) It Is a Far
Greater Blessing to Give than Receive
Sometimes couples need, want, demand, or expect more from their partners but never communicate it with each other. Dr. Laura suggests that along with better communication, coming out of your self at times of your partner’s needs, while difficult, is better medicine. Do an errand for your loved one or something special and unexpected. That way you support them in their time of need, and with that, can expect the same in the time of yours. Personally I agree with that. When my boyfriend does small things for me when I’m feeling down or having a bad day, it not only makes me feel better to have his support and love, but it makes me want to do the same for him when he needs it. This makes our relationship more satisfying.
9) Forget Rewriting History
In this example, a couple realizes that years of resentment in their marriage weren’t just going to disappear overnight. Neither of them were just going to spontaneously change the errors of their ways and heal their relationship. Especially if one or the other wasn’t up to facing their faults just yet. Dr. Laura suggests that the best thing you can do when you’ve messed up is do the right thing from this point on, and pray for the best.
10) Kings and
“It’s as simple as this: treat him like a king, and he will treat you like a queen”.
If I wanted to follow the Unity model, I would want that statement to be the other way around. If you treat her like a queen, then she will make you her king. Dr. Laura states that if you give him/her what they want and need, then their affections and appreciation will make the relationship that much sweeter. In the Unity Model, this step would be true. If you physically, cognitively and affectively love her, then you will get the same in return. You will have achieved conjugial love and will be able to create a heaven her in the physical world and be together for eternity.
Lecture notes N16d
Table 16d. 1
Characteristics of Husband’s Discourse
(Chart read from the bottom up)
|
This chart is read from the bottom up |
THREEFOLD SELF OF HUSBAND |
||
|
SENSORIMOTOR (S) |
COGNITIVE (C) |
AFFECTIVE (A) |
|
|
3 UNITY PHASE focus on his wife |
ü always talks in a friendly voice ü doesn’t interrupt his wife ü always appearing to be interested, involved in conversation ü supportive of her thoughts |
ü adopts his wife’s views ü thinks his masculine view is not as important as his wife’s view (their view combined.) |
ü makes his wife more central in his mind ü wants mental intimacy with her ü does not resist affective intimacy |
|
2 EQUITY PHASE focus on topic/task |
ü talks like he is always out to defend his views, rights, or conveniences ü exaggerates and lies to control her ü calls her bad names and criticizes her |
ü thinks that her views are not as important as his ü considers his views fair and rational ü hides his feelings to control her |
ü has areas of his own independence ü tortures his wife by resisting her |
|
1 MALE DOMINANCE PHASE focus on himself |
ü interrupts her ü calls her names ü uses harsh tones ü uses gestures and his body to intimidate her or to punish her |
ü thinks that women are less intelligent than men ü dismisses her views when it’s convenient for him |
ü dominates her rather than be intimate with her ü Would rather hang out with his friends than his wife |
Observation:
A wife experiences and hears her husband through their overt interactions (S). From her sensations, she can recognize what her husband is thinking and feeling.
Male Dominance:
If a wife is constantly being interrupted by her husband, she can feel it through her sensation and is unable to fully express herself (S). If a man physically or mentally abuses his wife, she starts to think (C) that he thinks (C) of her less. She will also think (C) that he loves (A) to dominate her rather than be intimate with her (A).
Equity Phase:
If a husband is always trying to defend his views, his wife will think (C) that he thinks (C) her views are below his. This means that he is not committed mentally (C) or personally (A). He wants to maintain his areas of independence.
**Sexual love in the dominance and equity phases begin below the belt and move upward into the chest.
Unity Phase:
If a wife sees that her husband is polite, considerate and thoughtful of her feelings, then her consciousness enters a conjugial sphere of heavenly peace because he wants to conjoin with her in all areas of his three-fold self. A couple has reached the final unity stage once the husband sees her views as more important than his own. She will feel a sensation (S) throughout her body, which can lead to sexual feelings.
**Sexual love in the unity phase turns into conjugial love and begins in the chest and moves down below the belt.
SECTION 3: EXERCISES,
S. Ishikawa
(a) Summarize the main ideas presented by the team.
Dr. Laura, who is a famous woman as a therapist and counselor, supports and promotes the male dominance phase of marriage. In the male dominance phase of interaction, the wife is coerced to have sex with husband without feeling mentally intimate with him. According the lecture notes, there are two steps; (1) Teach husband that things can fix if he accepts the idea that he is the cause of his wife’s aversion to having sex with him and (2) Teach husband how to obtain facts from his wife concerning he turn her off and makes her feel sexually not attracted toward him. From the video “Care and Feeding of Marriage”, Dr. Laura says that the marriage always has trouble and she emphases that we create the marriage makeover. There are two main ideas; one is that reflects on touching and spectacular moments and the other is that think how to provoke good moments. From the book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage”, Dr. Laura approaches that man has the right to expect wife to have sex with him when he wants it.
(b) Describe what they did and how they interpreted it.
They presented about Dr. Laura promotes the male dominance phase of marriage which the wife coerces to have sex with husband. Also they explained about the male dominance phase of interaction how to involve each other without mental intimacy from the lecture notes. In addition, they described about the Dr. Laura’s video that talked about the book Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage.
(c) Describe some of the ideas that needed a better justification or greater amplification.
I think that each person had great presentation speech to talk about the male dominance phase of marriage. One person focused on the
lecture notes to explain about the male dominance phase. The other person pointed out the Dr. Laura’s video to report the main ideas and content. Another person talked about the parents and friends couple relationship based on the unity model of marriage.
(d) What was the success of the approach they used?
I think that they succeeded the organization of the group presentation. After they explained each section, they made an opinion about the
Dr. Laura’s male dominance perspectives either agree or disagree. From the Dr. Laura’s video, they also picked up the Dr. Laura’s male dominance phase how to involve each other in the marriage relationship. In the presentation, they represented parent marriage relationship to relate with the material. Each person had great success to present the topic and to provide the information for classmates.
(e) What improvements are needed in the procedures or in the instructions?
I think that their presentation was success way to organize and to present the lecture material. This presentation had a great variety of opinion about the Dr. Laura supports the male dominance phase of marriage. After they presented the topic of the male dominance phase of marriage, classmates participated discussion to give an idea or opinion. In the male dominance phase, the wife pressures to have sex with the husband without mental intimacy with him, so they do not involve the cognitive and affective intimacy.
(f) What are the limitations of these types of exercises?
I think that they had various opinions to talk about the Dr. Laura’s male dominance perspective. However these exercises had limitation to discuss about the Dr. Laura’s the male dominance phase of marriage. Because there is the only way to focus on the Dr. Laura’s approach that we create simple significance what the wife or the husband wants to and needs to in the marriage relationship.
(g) Describe what happened when you did some of the steps of the exercises.
Although Dr. Laura supports the male dominance phase which focuses on him-self and she also talks about the unity model which
focuses on his wife in the video. I am impressed that Dr, Laura emphasizes that how much time does husband spend time to think about
wife and to make her happy. When I think about my friends in the marriage relationship, happy couples try to make the unity phase.
Husband tries to support wife, to adopt feminine view, and to love mental intimacy with wife. So husband tries to think about how to
make wife happy. Also wife tries to love mental intimacy what husband is feeling to make husband happy. However, unhappy couples
do not try to consider each other what husband or wife doing / thinking / feeling. I believe that married partners start the male
dominance phase but they can create the unity phase to involve the sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective intimacy each other to enjoy
married life and to make husband / wife happy.
SECTION 4: WEBSITES,
L. Ha
1.
Emotional Effects of Marital Abuse
http://eaandfaith.blogspot.com/2006/05/my-journey-from-marital-abuse.html
This website provides a story from a woman who has experienced physical
abuse from her husband and how it has affected her throughout her life. As she
stays and attempts unity with him, he forever stays in the male dominance
stage.
2.
Mental Abuse-The 7 Most Important Things To Know
http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849
This website provides the 7 different ways that men mentally abuse their
wives and gives advice to women who are going through it.
3.
Top 10 Marriage Mistakes
http://marriage.about.com/od/marriagetoolbox/tp/mistakes.htm
This website explains mistakes made in the sensorimotor,
cognitive and affective stages of the threefold self by men.
4.
How To Keep Your Sex Life Alive
http://marriage.about.com/library/howto/htsex.htm
This website tells you how to keep your sex life alive and how it goes
wrong. The article is directed towards husbands who are in the
male dominance and equity phase.
5.
Domestic Abuse
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
This website provides the warning signs and symptoms of abusive
relationships, and men who are in the male dominance stage use it
to get what they want from their spouse.
6.
Pull-Resist Relationship System
http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso?did=content&content.article=133
Dr. Paul gives her opinion on why marital sex often dies after marriage.
She defines what the “pull-resist relationship system” is and
how it blocks a relationship’s sexual energy.
http://www.probe.org/faith-and-culture/society/why-dr.-laura-is-usually-right.html
Read other’s opinions on Dr. Laura’s advice and how they think she is
right, most of the time.
8.
Don’t Listen to Dr. Laura
http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/fi/presley_21_1.html
Read what others have to say about Dr. Laura and how they disagree with
her teachings, compare and form your own opinion.
9.
Achieving Intimacy In Life
Learn the different types of intimacy, how to develop last relationships
and how to reach the unity model of marriage.
10.
Marital Intimacy
http://www.allaboutgod.com/marital-intimacy.htm
This article shows the women’s view on the unity model of marriage and
how a man can achieve it. It also talks about what God’s role is in the process.