Report 1: The Unity
Model of Marriage
Brandon
Nacapoy, Rebecca
Alexander, Allison
Ozaki, Nicole
Salviejo
Psy 409b, Spring 2008, Generation
27
Dr. Leon James,
Instructor,
SECTION 1. Lecture
The Lecture covered many
important concepts all relating to marriage and the challenges that marriages
pose for many couples. Concepts covered
in the lecture include: the idea of soulmates, the
Unity Model of Marriage and its three phases, and spiritual vs. natural
marriage. Most of our knowledge gained
from the lecture is based on the teachings of Dr. Emanuel Swedenborg from his
Swedenborg Reports that discuss marriage and the afterlife. The following is a summary of the concepts
discussed during lecture.
Discovery of the Swedenborg Reports:
Professor Leon James and his wife discovered what is
known as the Swedenborg Reports in the year 1981 at the
Reductionism and
the Positive and Negative Biases for Observation:
The concept Reductionism refers to reducing
the mind as the same as the body.
Psychology uses this method and connects all thoughts and feelings to “epiphenomena”
of the physical brain in the natural world.
Therefore thoughts and feelings are just a result of electro-chemical
brain activity. On the other hand,
Swedenborg finds the mind as an activity of the spiritual world and our
thoughts and feelings do not occur in the natural world and natural body. Swedenborg observed that approximately a few
hours after death, resuscitation occurs and a person becomes conscious
in his or her spiritual body. He
observed this occurrence in hundreds of people whom he observed before death
and then after resuscitation. He
recorded that some people are shocked when they see their natural body at the
funeral and they don’t understand yet what actually happened to them. The negative bias refers to not
allowing one’s mind to be open to Swedenborg’s concepts and findings and
following reductionism. Those who
follow the negative bias may at first find Swedenborg’s findings as pure
fantasy and fiction due to our socialization and education in this type of
thinking. The positive bias refers
to allowing one’s mind to observe Swedenborg’s findings and to empirically test
and decipher for one’s own self, whether the concepts and findings can be
scientific facts and existing in one’s own life.
The Swedenborg Reports as Empirical Proof
of the Afterlife:
Prior to Swedenborg’s study in both the natural world
and spiritual world, it was not possible to combine the terms “heaven”
and “hell” into scientific study.
Swedenborg was able to use the unity model as empirical evidence because
he gathered the information from both worlds through observation and interviews
of couples in the two eternal zones, heaven and hell. This allows Dr. James to
separate the study of Swedenborg’s reports from religion and study the data
scientifically as empirical and observational evidence for us. Swedenborg introduces the idea that what one
person loves is eternal and that is why love never dies. We as humans are born both mortal in the
natural world and immortal in the spiritual world. When one reaches true affective conjunction
at the unity level, the love between couples cannot be separated and remains
together for all eternity. In the
spiritual world, our sensations and feelings are more pure and intense. Youth continues and couples in the spiritual
world of eternity don’t age and their youth lives on forever.
A Person Lives On As a Person After
Death:
This concept has been given authority by Swedenborg
through his reports. His experiences have given us empirical evidence that
there is life after death and that we are fully human in the spiritual world.
For centuries Christians have
believed in an after life where there is a heaven and a hell and once they die
they will remain in their graves until the day of the Last Judgment arrives.
This conflicts with the Swedenborg Reports as well as the actions of Christians
today. Does not a husband or wife say to each other and their family that they
will see them after they die? They do no say after the Last Judgment day
passes. Furthermore, people instinctively have the “influence of heaven on the
inner levels of their minds, which causes him to have an inward perception of
truths…” (CL 27)These truths are about heaven and hell and allow him to
understand the concept that a person continues to live on as a person after
death. Therefore, it is written on people’s souls and hearts that after death
we will remain intact and human as opposed to the common belief of rising to
heaven as a spiritual body after the Last Judgment.
When a person is no longer in the
natural world and passes on into the spiritual world they also shed their
natural bodies and embrace a more pure, more complete spiritual body that looks
identical to the previous. His body, face, speech and senses are exactly the
same which cause the person to become unaware that the are
no longer alive. They can only see those who are also spiritual (dead), but
remain in the world nonetheless.
Since a person does not change forms
after death it is also true that they do not change genders either. After we
pass, we become the definition of true masculinity and true femininity. A man’s
core is love, which is enveloped in wisdom and a woman’s core is the male’s
wisdom, which is enveloped in love for it. Because of this there is “implanted
in each from creation a love of being joined into one”. (CL 32) This is because
a woman and is taken out of a man and therefore develops a will to always be
united as one, whereas a male is born with a desire to learn and gain
knowledge. In a sense, everything about men and women are different, but the
details are magnets towards union.
Love After
Death:
People know about the existence of love in a natural
sense, but in reality love is the heat of a person’s life. (CL 34) It is the
reason our blood is red, it gives us our unique faces and it’s what brings life
to our emotions and sensations. The manifestation of love is our physical body.
Our faces are the expressions of our love; therefore nobody has the same love.
This also means that our love is carried over into the spiritual world with us.
For love is what determines our thoughts, speech and actions. (CL 36) After
death we do not do anything that does not fall in line with our unique love and
heaven and hell are arranged around this concept.
The highest state of love in the natural world is
sexual love and the highest state of love in the spiritual world is conjugial love. Sexual love is the passion and desire for
sex with your partner. Conjugial love is the when
there is a reciprocal union of the marriage. It is beginning physically and mentally
intimate; almost as if you were one person. It is the unification of the
three-fold self that governs your decisions, beliefs and behavior. We can have
both in either world though. Once we die and if we pass into heaven then our
sexual love remains. This is because we remain male and female with the desire
to still be joined into one. Consequently that is exactly what happens in the
spiritual world. Each married couple becomes, in a sense, half a person and
forever they enjoy the manifestation of a combined soul through their conjugial love.
Once a married couple in the natural world has
decided to move from a natural marriage (which is either the dominance male
model or equity model) to a spiritual marriage with conjugial
love then they will remained married in the after life. One account of
Swedenborg provides evidence of this. In this account Swedenborg was
contemplating on conjugial love and when he looked up
into the heavens he saw the levels of heaven open up to him. Then a voice spoke
informing him that it pleased the Lord to show him a married couple in the
highest level of heaven. The married couple came down from heaven in a chariot
with turtle doves in their hands and said told him not to come too close for
the “fiery radiance” will give him knowledge, but is inexpressible in the world
now. They were dressed in their affections and reflected their conjugial love. When they spoke, they spoke as one, so
closely bonded it could not be separated. This shows that in heaven you remain
married and reflect your love. In is confirmation of the conjugial
love and understanding of it.
Marriage By
Model:
The model we are using in this class as the epiphany
of marriage is the Unity Model of Marriage. This includes conjugial
love as discussed above. The model will be defined by the lecture notes is,
“to refer to the principles, beliefs, and attitudes that
husbands and
wives use or practice to govern their behavior in the
marriage relationship.
This covers both the principles and attitudes they
are aware of, as well as those
they acquired without awareness. Both types govern the
values, emotions, thoughts,
and actions during their interactions.” (1 Part )
This
model is specific to this class and will remain confined to the models
discussed in order for us to understand more fully the material and accept the
ideas presented.
Two Main Views on Marriage:
In class we discussed the two different
views on marriage. The first view is the
Materialistic view and the other is the Spiritual view. The materialistic view is that
marriage is only while we are here on earth, the union between partners ends at
death like the saying “till death do us part.”
Life ends upon one’s death in the natural world and life therefore
continues no more. This type of marriage
can be known as natural marriages. On
the other hand, in the spiritual view, marriages are termed Spiritual
marriages and both partners believe their bond together will continue even
after death. If one partner dies before
the other, it is viewed as just a temporary separation until the two partners
are rejoined in union forever when the latter passes on. Death here in the natural world is just the
beginning of life together in what’s known as the spiritual world of
eternity.
Distinction of Marriages in the Two Worlds:
In the natural world, marriages are known as conjugal
love. In the spiritual world,
Swedenborg coined the term conjugial
love. When a couple has been joined
together in conjugial love, they are
connected in the spiritual world for eternity.
The couple must establish the natural marriage before the spiritual
marriage can be properly established.
The Unity Model of
Marriage:
Swedenborg’s findings culminate to his study on
marriages in both the natural world and in the spiritual world. These findings can be found in what’s known
today as the Unity Model of Marriage.
This idea is that both partners in a marriage or a long-term
committed relationship become conjoined in their natural bodies which
are only temporary and also joined in their spiritual bodies which is
permanent and for eternity. Doctor James
has studied Swedenborg’s findings on the unity model empirically and found the
findings to be occurring in his life with his wife and the term Theistic
psychology was developed for this specific type of study.
The Three Phases of the Unity Model:
The first phase of the unity model is called the male dominance
phase. Due to upbringing and
societal factors, men are in control of the relationship. They interrupt their women and do as they
feel and ignore the woman’s wants, desires, and feelings. Men expect that the woman should serve him
and adhere to his every desire. They
also disrespect their women and share these thoughts with their other male
friend’s.
The
second phase is known as the equity phase.
In this phase men acknowledge that they must also share in the tasks
of the relationship and shouldn’t just dominate their wife or partner and is
open to the idea of reaching heavenly happiness. Both partners essentially become equal
and share in the tasks and desires of both partners.
When the man realizes that there is
life in the afterlife or spiritual world and see the possibility of being with
their wife in this world and after death for eternity, he becomes spiritually
enlightened. He will then be able to
realize that in this equity phase it is impossible to give his wife true
heavenly happiness.
Women
naturally feel that they deserve to be treated at a higher place in the
relationship. It is a woman’s natural
nature to want and become in heavenly conjunction with her partner to reach the
unity phase. In this phase, both
partners function and work together however, it is the male that tries to
please his wife’s desires and by both accepting to do so, they live in unity
and become spiritually and mentally united. Males will continue to try and pull away
feeling that the wife is invading his mental space and freedom but the women
will continue to fight for the continued mental unification.
The Three levels of Unity:
The “three-fold self”
explains the three levels of human activity.
In terms of how this concept relates to the unity model can be
understood through the following example: The
first level of unity is known as sensorimotor
consociation which is what the couple does together externally or
socially. The next level is known as cognitive
affiliation which is how the couple thinks and what they agree upon in
their definitions and beliefs. The third
and final level is known as affective conjunction which is what the
couple feels for each other, whether their intentions match, and whether they
enjoy the company of one another and are trying to reach the same mutual
goals. Both partners strive to make
their unification the most important thing in their lives above all other
things such as their children, work, sports, etc. Affective conjunction is always viewed
as less important to the male than the female.
Thoughts and Feelings and its Existence:
Allison Ozaki:
In my opinion, the models and concepts
presented here are reasonable to accept, but without experience for myself or
support from other sources it is difficult to internalize and manifest it in my
own life. I believe a person has a choice to choose how to live out there own
convictions and share their experiences so that others may not miss out on.
Therefore it brings me joy to learn about other people’s beliefs and meditate
on their significant to my life. It is especially invigorating to see
similarities between mine and others beliefs and find the truth together.
However compromising or ridged a person’s beliefs are, there should always be
respectful to the presentation of ideas.
With that said, I see truth in the
differences between genders here and also in the ways we can connect with the
others spouse, but without any experience of my own I cannot fully accept the
idea of marriages in heaven nor Swedenborg’s vision. Until that
changes I will remain to confront the model with a positive bias and
soak in any information I can get.
Nicole Salviejo:
God, heaven, hell, resuscitation, and the afterlife can all be
scientific concepts rather than religious if people can begin thinking of those
terms from a positive-bias rather than a materialistic negative-bias. People must be open-minded to the possibility
of all of those things being real and not just some religious fantasy. Also, according to Dr. Swedenborg, there is
empirical proof that all of these concepts exist. Swedenborg himself, through
direct observation saw people resuscitated in the spirit world after their
physical deaths in the material world.
The Swedenborg Reports even include actual data collected from
interviews he conducted with married couples living in heaven and hell. With
this understanding, I guess I should be more open-minded about all the material
that Dr. Swedenborg wrote about in his reports.
Branden Nacapoy:
After reading through lecture 3, I feel that we should all accept the
positive bias when analyzing the Swedenborg Reports. There are a lot of fascinating pieces of
information and until one observes the ideas for themselves, he or she
shouldn’t just outright reject the theory.
I myself am also in a committed relationship and I see some of his
observations occurring in my own relationship already and this is just the
start. This really fascinates me. I want to be able to go through this semester
with the positive bias so I can really try to apply this to my life and my
relationship. It is hard for me to think
of a spiritual world and spiritual self and separating my own religious beliefs
due to reductionism, but I think it is definitely possible. Swedenborg wrote 30 volumes relating to the
unity model so I do want learn about the best I can.
SECTION 2. Team Presentation on
The team that
presented Lecture 3 introduced the first chapter from each of our class books; The Lazy Husband, Gender Discourse and The
Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. They did well in addressing the main
topics in each book, and incorporating it into the lecture content.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s The Proper Care and
Feeding of Marriage
Dr. Laura compared and contrasted males
and females and what they like, dislike or would like to improve in relation to
the opposite sex.
“Marriages are not business arrangements of
coworkers, or co-owners. Marriages are the joining of two minds, bodies, souls,
spirits, hopes, dreams, needs, personalities and different genders” p. 12.
She asked us to adopt the positive bias
as we read the survey questions and answers; therefore we would not jump to
conclusions or find fault in the submitted text. Two people will be at their
most satisfactory if they regard each others differences with appreciation and
courtesy. The survey questions that Dr. Laura created are used to address your
thoughts on the opposite sex, and by working on these
qualities, couples may strive to work together and get past hardships.
Survey
Questions:
1.
What
do you, as a man/woman, most admire about women/men in general?
2.
What
do you least admire about women/men in general?
3. What do you
most fear in a relationship with a woman/man?
4. What is the
single, most important expectation you have in a wife/husband?
5. What is
the most important thing you think modern women/men don’t get about being
a
woman/man?
For questions 1 and 2, the group did a
very thorough job in explaining how both men and woman contradicted themselves
in what they liked and disliked about the opposite sex. Men tended to agree
that they liked women who were nurturing, emotional and sensitivity, while
these were the same traits that they listed that they did not like about women.
They did not like women who were moody, demand validation and are emotional.
Women also were indecisive in the
qualities that they liked and disliked in men. Women listed that they sought
men who had mental toughness, leadership qualities and were simplistic, while
their dislikes stated that they did not like men who had pride, are workaholics
and did not talk discuss their feelings.
Dr. Laura addresses the faults that women
have, discussing ways in which women should change and adapt to men’s wishes,
while she does not do so for men. It seems as though she follows the male
dominance model in the sense that women are to regard what men say and tell
them to do, while women are not allowed to voice their opinions.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s
website
Gender and Discourse by
Deborah Tannen
This chapter by
Deborah Tannen introduced us to the concept of Power
and Solidarity in gender patterns and language.
Defining
power and solidarity:
·
Power is defined as a nonreciprocal use of pronouns.
This occurs when one addresses another person by
using his or her first name which establishes an informal conversation between
the two speakers. Such as a student- teacher relationship; the professor
addresses his student by using their first name (Janice), while the student
addresses the professor by their name and title (Professor Jones).
·
Solidarity is defined as a reciprocal use of
pronouns where both people involved address each other by title followed by
their first or last name.
This occurs when both
parties in the conversation address each other by their first or last name,
such as a peer relationship. Janice addressing her peer
by using her name (Amanda).
These two terms are often seen to be ambiguous and polysemous at the same time. It can be seen as ambiguous in
the sense that power and solidarity can mean this or that, while it can be seen
as polysemous in regard that they can mean the same
thing at the same time.
5
Linguistic Strategies:
·
Indirectness- There are two benefits with indirectness; defensiveness and
rapport. Defensiveness is the ability to not be on record so one can change
his/her idea if a positive result does not occur. Rapport is getting one’s way not through
demanding it (power) but because the other person wanted it as well
(solidarity).
·
Interruption- interruption can be viewed as both a signal of power or
solidarity. One can interrupt the
speaker by showing dominance (power) in the conversation, or add thoughtful
comments (solidarity) in pauses of the speaker’s discussion.
·
Silence versus Volubility- Although
mainstream thought is that power refers to talking and solidarity is being
silent, both are intertwined. Power may
reside in a conversation between two people by person(A)
who is talking, and solidarity may reside in the person(B) who is silent and
listening. This depends on the content of the speech; that if person(A) talks about himself then he exudes power while
person(B) is silent and emits solidarity. If the content is directed at
person(B), such as asking questions about person(B) the person(A) exudes
solidarity because the conversation is about person(B). In this situation, if person(B) is silent their silence holds the power.
·
Topic Raising- The person who raises the most topics in a conversation, is not
always considered dominant although most assume this is true. Two people may be
immersed in a conversation, but one person continually asks questions about the
other. Although the person is talking and asking questions, it is directed
towards the other person and not themselves, which is not considered to be
dominating the conversation.
·
Adversativeness:
Conflict and Verbal Aggression- Men are seen to engage in conflict more than women,
issuing demands and arguments, while women are seen to be more likely to be
cooperative and avoid conflicts through support and agreement.
Dr. Joshua Coleman’s The Lazy Husband
Joshua Coleman presented concepts which surround the
idea that children in former generations were told to be “seen and not heard,”
while children of today are growing up in a contemporary society in which they
are to be “seen and heard.” This concept corresponds to children have a greater
say in family relationships now, and they in turn influence their parents in
such things as activities or schedules.
Coleman explains that parents in society today are
taking a proactive approach to parenting; that they are attempting to develop a
connection with their family as opposed to the actions their parents made.
Gender roles play a part in how men and women feel that they should raise their
family. For instance, women viewed their mothers as models for how they should
act; nurturing, does household chores, and looks after the children. Women
regarded their fathers as those who were to support their family, while doing
little else in the home.
Men also reflect what their fathers did in context to
how they act as husbands and fathers. Men today feel that they contribute more
to their families than their fathers did by spending more time with their
children, and participating in household chores. While they are doing more than
their fathers had, women today are also doing more than their mothers ever did,
feeling that they as women should take care of the responsibilities due to
their nurturing attitude.
Coleman recommends that both men and women should
support one another, by both sharing responsibilities. This leads children to
regard both parents as loving and caring, while strengthening the couple’s
relationship as well.
My Reaction and Comments by Rebecca Alexander
I agreed the most with Dr. Joshua
Coleman’s The Lazy Husband. I felt as
though his theories coincided with my values for families. I agree that men and
women should play equal parts in supporting their families, by helping one
another with their needs and concerns, and not relying on one person to address
every issue in the family life.
SECTION 3. Team Presentation
on Exercises
The following section evaluates the performance of the team presentation
on the assigned exercises for Lecture 3.
Highlights of the presentation included the media examples they used to
discus how the class material related to different television shows in
(a) Summarize the main ideas presented by the team.
The
exercises team briefly discussed the main ideas from Lecture 3 including the
differences between spiritual and materialistic marriage, the Conjoined-self,
and the Unity Model of Marriage and its phases.
The team also discussed the concept of the three-fold self and the three
levels of human activity, which include: sensory-motor, cognitive, and
affective.
(b) Describe what they did and how they interpreted
it.
The
exercises team for this week gave a basic overview of the Lecture notes, then
gave their personal opinions, as well as provided their personal experience to
describe how the material from the readings and lecture notes related to their
lives. Most of the members admitted to
being skeptical of some of the concepts being discussed in the Lecture
notes—that they were coming from a negative bias, but after finishing the
exercises, they became more open to the possibility of the unity model of
marriage and some of its teachings. They
interpreted the material as something to be open-minded to, instead of
something to be disregarded as “cult-ish” or
religious. One member of the exercises team used media references to describe
concepts from the lecture. For example
she described the Huxtables from the Cosby Show as
having a marriage liken to the equity model of marriage, where both partners
strived for equality in their marriage.
(c) Describe some of the ideas that needed a better
justification or greater amplification.
I felt that
they could have explained what the actual exercises for this week were, so that
the audience could get a clear idea of what they were trying to achieve. Because the team readings group already
presented the material from the readings and lecture notes, I felt that the
exercises group could have provided more personal insight/ experiences on the
exercises portion than the reading and lecture parts.
(d) What was the success of the approach they used?
Although
most of their presentation was based on the lecture and readings, I did enjoy
the few examples they used to describe how personal experience or media related
to the unity model of marriage. I
especially enjoyed how one member of the group used examples from the media
(i.e. TV shows such as the Brady Bunch and The Cosby
Show) as a way for the audience to easily make connections to the material.
(e) What improvements are needed in the procedures or
in the instructions?
I thought
that the group could have explained the instructions of the assigned exercises
a little better, as well as interacted with the audience a little more. For example, they could have asked how the
audience felt about the exercises and assigned reading material and how it
related to their personal lives.
(f) What are the limitations of these types of
exercises?
Perhaps
because this was the first week of presentations, maybe the groups weren’t well informed
of what they could do in terms of presenting the reading material and
exercises. Having students lecture on
the assigned readings doesn’t really engage the audience. I feel that the exercises group could come up
with a better way to engage the student audience; maybe through an inclusive
class discussion, where the presenters not only share their own thoughts, but
also ask the audience of how they felt as well—all the while emphasizing the
importance of how the students can relate the class material or even
incorporate the class material in their everyday lives.
(g) Describe what happened when you did some of the
steps of the exercises.
Before doing
the exercises, I was a bit skeptical of what I had read from the lecture notes
and assigned readings. I felt that most
of the material had religious undertones and perpetuated gender stereotypes
that focused more on the male-perspective, but after doing the exercises, I feel that I could be more open-minded to the
class material instead of writing it off as something to not take so
seriously. One never truly knows what
the cosmos has planned for them, and now I think it is better to be open to the
unknown, than closed off to it.
Section 4. Web Links
1) http://youtube.com/watch?v=0ElnQUVkWsQ “90 minutes of death near death experience”:
After colliding with a semi-truck, Don Piper died and went to heaven. Ninety
minutes later he returned to life on earth. After years of silence, he is now
sharing his life-changing story in which he talks about visiting heaven. This video of Don Piper reminds me of Dr.
Swedenborg and his experiences with the Spiritual World. Perhaps both Don Piper and Dr. Swedenborg had
similar experiences when they visited the afterlife.
2) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emanuel_Swedenborg
“Emanuel Swedenborg”: This is a
biography as found in wikipedia, a free encyclopedia
that discusses Swedenborg and his reports.
It offers a biography of his life and allows us some insight on who
Swedenborg was.
3) http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/sweden.htm “Emanuel Swedenborg (1688-1772)”: This offers another author’s opinion on who
Swedenborg was and what was the main purpose(s) of his study. It allows a glimpse into his life and some of
his most popular works.
4) http://atheism.about.com/od/religionwomensex/a/WomenDevotion.htm
“Gender Differences & Religion”:
This shows the differences in genders in regards to religion. This website offers a different point of view
to theistic psychology in comparison to Dr. Swedeborg
and his theistic-inspired writings.
5) http://youtube.com/watch?v=9sJh0eLQ8sM “How to get a man to open up”: Author,
Kara Oh, talks about how to get a man to open up and share from his heart,
creating more intimacy and love. This
video can serve as an example of the male dominance model where women want
intimacy from their male partners, but men are unlikely to give the women what
they want during this phase of the Unity model.
6) http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=1925
“Jesus on Marriage & the Afterlife”:
This discusses marriage in the afterlife in light of the bible. It is
skewed towards the beliefs of Swedenborg.
7) http://youtube.com/watch?v=rZG-QxqOg78 “Lazy Husband”: This video depicts
standard gender roles that are reflected upon males and females. The husband
has a task to complete but he chooses
to disregard it, while his wife becomes upset at him. This is an example of the male dominance
model phase under the Unity Model of Marriage by Dr. Swedenborg.
8) http://youtube.com/watch?v=MAYLZBO6xAQ “Soulmates”: A musical poem about Soulmates. This video can serve as an example of the
last phase of the Unity model, where husband and wife have conjugial
love for one another even in the afterlife.
9) http://marriage.about.com/cs/soulmates/a/soulmates.htm
“Soul Mates - - History of the Soul Mate
Myth & Challenges in Soul Mate Marriages”: This is a website that
discusses the concept of soulmates and its history in
society. “Soulmates”
is a crucial concept used in the Swedenborg Reports to explain the
relationships between women and men.
10) http://www.enotalone.com/article/2534.html “The Three levels of soul mates”: I found this article interesting because it
lists the three levels of soul mates. We
have the threefold self and the three levels of unity in the unity model. I found this as just another idea about what
a soul mate is and how two people become soul mates when Swedenborg also has
his own contrasting ideas about who and what soul mates really are.