Psychology 459

Outline 7

A Woman’s Worth

By Constance DeCaires

Textbook of Theistic Psychology. By Leon James (2006). TTP 11.3.5.2.1 to 11.3.5.2.65

Instructions for this activity are found at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/g24-oral1.htm

Instructor: Dr. Leon James

I. A Woman’s Role-Household

A. As assigned by societal and marital expectations, the wife is the designated domestic manager. She is to make sure what ever needs to be done in regards to keeping the household and family in order. All of which is done so for the benefit of the family. It is not only her role, but who she is.

B. When a woman does her job, which includes the delegation of chores and other responsibilities, her husband may refer to her as nagging, even though she is only doing her part in reminding him to do the work that her promised to do.

1. Nagging is a wife’s desperate attempt to get her husband to keep his promises.

C. This is a good example of the male dominance model, in that a man who refers to his wife as “nagging”, can be seen as trying to keep his independence from his wife by not doing something as simple as taking out the garbage, that of which he had already committed to doing.

II. A Woman’s Role-Bedroom

A. Despite the disjunction instigated by the husbands name calling, he still expects the wife to be physically intimate with him, regardless of immensely lacking mental intimacy between the two, caused by him.

1. How messed up is that!? Why not just say it directly: “Honey, I’m too selfish to think about how I make you feel. Let’s go have sex anyways!”

2. This reminds me of something my mom told me about the differences between men and women when it comes to sex and intimacy. She told me, “With women intimacy results in sex, but with men sex results in intimacy.”

B. In order to narrow this void, it is up to the husband to acknowledge how he acts and how it affects his wife. When he does so, it will then help him to remember to do what needs to be done so as to help alleviate the stress of his wife, rather than adding to it.

C. The only way that the two will be able to is if the husbands will and understanding are acting as one. He must be doing what is needed so as to help his wife, but not in order to help hi s wife in hopes of later sexual gratification. Such an expectation is known as sexual blackmail.

III. Mental Intimacy

A. What is mental intimacy exactly?

1. I like to think of my mind as a house. In doing so, being mentally intimate with my partner would mean that he had a key not only to the front door, but every other room within the house as well. If he wanted to he would be able to walk around my mind as if it were his own, and know whatever he wanted if he ever asked.

2. In other terms, its letting someone else be inside your mind, and letting them have access to all your thoughts (cognitive intimacy) and feelings (affective intimacy).

B. A woman is always willing and wanting to be mentally intimate. It is within this conjunction that she finds fulfillment.

C. “You should love me for who I am, and not try to change me.”

1. It is true, you should love your husband. But should you love all of him? Love the heavenly in a person, not the hellish. A man who is not willing to open up to his wife and closes down, becomes mentally cold, the opposite of mental intimacy. A woman who is experiencing mental intimacy feels hot and free, in roaming around her husbands mind.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8316386/#storyContinued (MSNBC Article: Married men earn more if wives do the chores)

http://www.themarriagebed.com/

(Website providing marital advice for both partners. I found that the advice given by men for men appears to be in the equity-unity model of marriage. In that they stress the issue of mental intimacy in differentiation of physical intimacy, and its importance.)

http://www.okcupid.com/oktest (fun online relationship personality test)

My Homepage is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/409bs2006/decaires/

Class Home Page is:

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy24/classhome-g24.htm