In searching for something about unhappiness in marriages, I found this question on my hits list about what to do if in an unhappy marriage. So, I have to ask, how long do you try at a relationship until you finally give in and decide that nothing will come of it and move on to find that conjugial love?

- G25, Afonin - Outline 9

This website explains some of the “top” relationship problems that can occur and what the best plan of action is. It offers the solutions in a matter of fact way that kind of explains it as an expectation for these problems to arise. The website is geared for women, so I’m assuming that the one who creates the problem is the man, and the woman did not do anything to instigate the action.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 4

It wasn’t until taking this course, that my eyes have been opened to the many websites that offer advice to women, and how many of them are targeted towards the dominance model. It seems that I have been oblivious to the problems of marriage in society, and societies’ constant control of relationships.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 7

Are both men and women so confused about their relationships that they cannot deal with their problems with each other? Why is it that both feel that they cannot express themselves to each other and must look elsewhere for an answer? This fact alone is such a horrible imposition against the unity values of a relationship. This website, like all the other ones, offers the same advice and doesn’t consider finding happiness in making their partner happy, it seems that all questions presented in all of these websites are the same self-centered problems people experience.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 7

This is from the Amercian Baby website section of self-help. It's like a "Dear Annie" section on improving relationships except the author is Holly Robinson. This husband has a problem with his wife's weight gain of 50 pounds after the twins have been born. He recently made the mistake of telling her why he doesn't want to have sex with her, and it's because she's too fat to turn him on. The author reminds him of the eatting changes, situational changes that a wife goes through after birth and agrees that 50 pounds may be a little excessive for the "after effects." However, if that's the case then maybe it is something in their relationship that is making her too stressed so she resorts to food or depressed. She reminds him that food is often subsituted for love, and he should talk to her and try to help her by trying to understand what the problem may be. She also encourages that maybe a little more help around the house could be the reason she may be so stressed that she's over eatting, but the main point is that he should talk to her about it and find other ways to show his love and appreciation for her verbally. She reminds him that his wife most likely knows that she is overweight, and to hear it coming from her husband is 100,000 times hurtful. I'd have to agree with everything that Robinson wrote and I thought that was good words of advice. I think that most "columnist" probably resond in that manner, but the first thing that came to mind after reading a chapter from Dr. Laura is that she would not say it as so. She would most likely say that the wife is being selfish and has comitted "moral infidelity."

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 9

This site provides a more theoretical research-based article on men’s perspective on commitment. This article addresses the effect of marriage on men’s sense of self and way of life. Clearly, it presents how men do in fact, have difficulty or resistance in abandoning their “independent” selves. Overall, this article is rather interesting as it addresses the issue of men’s resistance.

- G25, Biacan - Outline 2

This is a website mainly for men, where people both men and women can write in and get advice for their relationships. The site is interesting to read and I found his advice reasonable. He gives advice that aggress with the unity model.

- G25, Matsui - Outline 10

This article is a questions and answer. The question is from a women who has recently separated from her husband because of his lack of helping out around the house and his angry behavior. The advice given sounds reasonable and reminds me of the equity model of marriage.

- G25, Imose - Outline 3

This article is another question and answer. The wife is writing about her perfectionist husband who gets angry if things are not done exactly how he wants it. What surprised me was the therapist’s response. She right away advised her to have him medicated. Which surprised me because she then said that she could not prescribe medicine. This seemed odd to me because if someone is usually not able to prescribe they usually urge people to use behavioral strategies and this therapist went straight to medicine. Also by reading the question by the wife, it did not seem very extreme where she or her daughter were physically in danger.

- G25, Imose - Outline 3

This website has a letter from a women who is getting back together with her husband after being separated for 2 years. She says that a problem in her marriage was that he was not affectionate so what should she do. The therapist says that men are not naturally affectionate, they have to learn to be by either their family or their girlfriend or wife. He gives his clients a list of things to do throughout the day to show her he loves her. At first I agreed with some of the wives in that it could be view as fake affection, but I think that after some time of doing what is on the list, it becomes more from the heart and not fake at all.

- G25, Imose - Outline 6

This website shows a letter to a therapist telling her about how she just left her husband of 5 years and is afraid that maybe she could have done more. After reading what the therapist was responding, it seemed like she was closer to the unity model of marriage then the equity or the dominance. She felt that if one person does not want to have sex the there was not going to be any sex. She also told her that the divorce was her husbands fault and not hers, another common that reminded me of the unity model. I chose this website because I was happy to find another therapist who was preaching more of a unity outlook then the dominance outlook.

- G25, Imose - Outline 4

This site is a personal diary, you could say, about the mental abuse that has occurred in the writer’s marriage. She discusses her dilemma through this site concerning the struggles that she has endured. She also describes scenarios or events that have led her to believe that her husband was inflicting emotional abuse upon her. I found this site interesting because it reflects that blinders that society wears concerning mental abuse. In the writings, the woman describes her feelings of hesitation and fear that no one would believe her. She discusses times when even her sister doubted her and the fear she experienced when deciding on leaving her husband. The woman discusses her fear that her children might be taken from her if the judge didn’t believe that the abuse existed. I, personally, struggled while reading this because it made me think that even in the court of law strong biases can exist. I feel that this relates to the readings because I feel if more people could understand the idea of conjugal bliss in relationships, there would be fewer victims, and less divorce.

- G25, Moa - Outline 4

This links is like a message board for people to ask questions and advice about sex life and marriage. A man talks about how his wife of three pushes him away when he’s asking for sex, and always answers that she is just too tired. Someone else would response with the same experience having experience it or being the one not giving sex. It seems to be a very good place to discuss these problems with people who are going through the same thing.

- G24, Wong - Outline 5

The final website I chose is an extremely good example of the Dominance Model in the Unity Model of Marriage.  Men write to this marriage counseling site complaining that their wives will not submit to their leadership.  Dr. David Stephens, the man who answers the complaints, resembles a male Dr. Schlessinger.  There are also links to other examples of the Dominance Model. 

- G24, Lau - Outline 1

This website contains advice to a husband who feels he is being controlled byhis wife. He expresses his fear of his wife, who controls everything abouttheir relationship. The advice given includes the suggestion that men shouldtake control before their wives take over.

- G24, Pettit - Outline 8

I chose this web link because it leads to another site than contains a question from a wife regarding her husband choosing a female friend over his family. I thought it was interesting to see the woman’s question, and the responses. Dr. Laura focused on women choosing their friends and family over their husbands, but as we see in this web link, it can occur in the opposite way as well.

- G24, Stipek - Outline 7

This website was one that I should have used for my report 1 because it is a place that wives post problems with their marriages on the web and readers post their concerns and advice.  This particular link was one of a wife that was concerned that her husband was too worried with his work and financial situation, that he wasn’t paying much attention to her and their daughter.  There are lots of advices that do not relate to the unity model of marriage but will pertain to the book, “The Lazy Husband”.

- G24, Saito - Outline 5

Again, I wish that I used this website for my report.  This website seemed very popular in the sense that a lot of people, wives, respond to others in need of help with their marriages.  This particular site focused on a marriage that involved an angry husband.  She was scared of him and the way he treated her and their daughter.  The advice was genuine and was closely related to the advice given in the book.

- G24, Saito - Outline 5

This link takes you to Marriage bUilders.com. This specific portion of the website has a question and answer portion where Dr. Harley answers some marital concerns.  I found it relevant because it had a question about how men feel they should be excused from doing chores because they helped “last week.”  It is a slightly different take from Dr. Laura’s but similar principles are touched upon.

- G24, Lagondino - Outline 10

This is a link to the Marriage Builders website where they state the mission of the website is offer advice for the best ways to overcome marital conflicts and some of the quickest ways to restore love.  There is a question and answer section where Dr. F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. answers questions and offers advice to married couples in distress.  He is the author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage.  There is a discussion entitled, Should We Have Children, and he explains that difficulties in marriage can be amplified if they are not addressed prior to having children.  I felt these discussions with real married people were very much related to the material in the above mentioned section of Dr. Coleman’s book, The Lazy Husband.

- G24, Lagondino - Outline 4

This website has an article from a distressed wife. She is going through menopause and just does not have much of a sex-drive anymore, not like she used to. She went through her husband’s phone and noticed that he has been calling sex lines. She feels like this is a form of prostitution and similar to porn. She does not want to confront him because she feels that she has invaded his privacy. First of all, a man looking at any other women or referring to any type of sexual act that does not involve his wife is an anti-unity value. The main line that stood out for me though was when the wife said that she couldn’t confront him because she thought he was invading his privacy! That couple will never be able to reach the unity model until the two are open about EVERYTHING. He should not have been doing that behind her back. Why should she trust him if he is? What else is he doing? It is just sad to see how so many women are blaming themselves, or not confronting their husbands, because they feel bad, when they didn’t do anything at all.

- G25, Fields - Outline 10

This website does not exactly discuss specific areas within a marriage. This website is designed for random people to ask questions and have them answered. This was the question asked, and then the person who answered it went into legal terms in what was allowed and what was not. When I came across this site, I just had to stop when I read this question. My first thoughts were, “Why would a wife EVER want to record her husband secretly?” Isn’t that wrong? Why do you not trust him? If I EVER had something I was suspicious about with my husband, before doing anything, I would first solve the issue of why I would be suspicious in the first place. I just found this question very disturbing because I don’t think a wife should ever feel that she can’t trust the person that, supposedly, she loves and loves her. I think that this question would fall into the equity sensorimotor self on the ennead chart IF the husband was lying to his wife and keeping things from her. A good explanation of the wife not being able to trust her husband would be because he must be hiding something from her or not telling her everything, or he is not showing or treating his wife the way she wants to be treated.

- G25, Fields - Outline 6

This article is a perfect example of the dominance model. Here is a wife asking for advice between her and her husband. She explains about a day when her, her husband, and daughter were trying to decide a place to eat for lunch. Her husband wanted fish and chips, and the wife wanted something different, but suggested a place that offered something she wanted along with fish and chips. All she wanted was for him to talk to her, and he would not respond, and all he could say to her was that she was “psycho” for acting the way she was. This wife needs to realize that she has no right to blame herself, and her husband does not love her if he is going to treat her this way. “Why can’t her and her husband get along?” Because HE is only focused on himself! And the relationship is always going to continue in that direction, and probably get worse, until they get out of this male dominance model. This is a perfect example of one the YES, YES, NO patterns where there is always toleration for a disagreement in the dominance model.

- G25, Field - Outline 9

This articles deals with a woman who is engaged, and the couple is trying to figure out a place to live. The man wants to live at his cousin’s since it is free, but the woman does not. She wants to be able to come home to just her husband after a long day of work, not twelve other people. She told her husband that she would be very unhappy if that’s where they lived once they got married. He will not pick up one of her phone calls. The therapist who is helping her told her that this is pure abuse from the male, and it is only going to get worse once they are married. I want to agree with this. A man who refuses to pick up his soon-to-be wife’s phone calls shows absolutely no respect for the woman he supposedly “loves”. Yes, I am sure he is not aware of the unity model, but he needs to give a little and either find a place they can both somewhat be happy with or do what his wife wants. I just find that horrible from that man that he won’t even discuss this issue with his wife. He does not deserve her, and I hope she does get out of that relationship.

- G25, Fields - Outline 9

I chose this site because it gives advice on every subject, the article on the page, is about a wife who doesn’t know if she should reconcile with her husband who is always angry. I liked the advice that Marano gives to the wife. You can also find advice on all other subjects whether it is about an angry husband or different levels of stress. It has everything.

- G25, Georgeo - Outline 4

I just thought that this was a good site because you can ask your question and get advice from other people that are like you. It’s not necessarily a doctor or a therapist, it’s another person who may be in the same situation and does not have the nerve to ask. You can also find help on all different subjects at this site.

- G25, Georgeo - Outline 4