Marriage: Perfect Recipes
 
My recipe for marital bliss

In my search for some relevant material that applies to this outline, I typed in “marital bliss” in the google search. All the sites that popped up were just how to’s or questions pertaining to marriage. But this one caught my attention because it was a “recipe” for marital bliss, which I thought would be interesting to compare to the tables that were illustrated in the lecture notes. And my interest was right. The person who wrote the blurb describes a marriage I would believe to be in the equity model, they are not conjoined spiritually because she allows them to be different and emphasizes their need to be alone.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 3

 
You Can Save Your Marriage, Even If Only YOU Want To

So this website is an overview and a sort of abstract into a self-help book. A self help book for what? Yes, saving your marriage. Now, I have to wonder, if your problems are so difficult that you have to buy books to help you attempt to solve them, then do you honestly think your problems are worth the time and effort to save? And who knows if the book has the information you need for the type of problem you’re going through? Wouldn’t it be better if you just stepped back and looked at your marriage objectively and then analyzed what your next step should be, for your benefit as well as for your partners? Why not try to look at the most civil and simplest way to solve your situation. Isn’t that what a self-help book is going to tell you anyways? Do you really need to sit down and read a book that will tell you to get up and go. It’s like watching a commercial about getting outside and exercising.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 3

 
Relationship Problems

This website was much the same as the previously mentioned one. It seems that they are focusing more on women than men and they are providing advice that exemplifies the dominance model more than any other model.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 4

 
Dr. Nadig's Guidelines on Communication and Relationships

This website leads to a Dr. Nadig who is a clinical psychologist, a marriage and family therapist. I usually don’t judge by appearances, but the layout of the website, not to mention the picture of the doctor all tell me that he’s a dominance model enforcer. It also seems that he’s dumbing things down by the titles of his sections, for example: “How to express difficult feelings”. Seriously, it can’t be that hard to write something with a little more umph.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 6

 
How to Make a Woman Happy

Yes, that’s it. There’s a very simple forum to follow to make women happy. I find this website as laughable as the book, The Lazy Husband, both help or advice pieces are so off base that it makes me wonder how such garbage would be published let alone put online! I suppose that people allow such delusions to dominate their lives. Okay, so maybe the advice in the website isn’t bad. It does outline the basic needs. But I think the motivation for the website is what kills the advice. Knowing that “how to make a woman happy” is for the man’s selfish benefit rather than the simple pleasure of making their women happy, kills the attempt.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 7

 

This link talks about how to make a woman happy. It states the three A’s that a woman needs: appreciation, attention, and affection. With these three keys, it will strengthen the relationship so much more.

- G24, Wong - Outline 9

 
Top 10 Ways to Connect with your Spouse

Of all the websites that I have visited, I have to say that this is the most rational advice that has been given, minus just a few of their statements, indicating a “pray together” approach, the others seem to fit well into a lasting relationship.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 8

 
Recipe for Happiness in Marriage

Yet another example of the dominance model of marriage. Although some anti-unity values are presented against their case. It states that the most important thing in a marriage is happiness.

- G25, Afonin - Outline 9

 
Why You Need A Double Standard

It's an interesting passage of how one man's perspective and results of living with a "double standard" helps a relationship reach the Unity Stage of development. Unlike in Dr. Laura's book, she says it's selfish of a woman to not uphold to her wedding vows and not being able to understand her husbands feelings or situations from everyday stresses. She tells a lot of her listeners to put themselves in their husband's shoes, but the men should not need to put themselves in their wive's shoes. However, putting themselves in each other's shoes is what has helped this couple bring their marriage to a whole new level.

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 1

 
What Your Husband Needs: Respect

This is a religious Christian site that speaks of "man's" basic needs. It seems to mention between the lines of what a husband needs from a wife in order to help him to "change." Also, the site states scriptures that give the idea of how "God calls wives to respect their husbands" (Ephesians 5:33). It's interesting because even though this site has the connotation of Dr. Laura's concept of fulfilling man's simple needs and receiving "happiness" in return, it still states in the end that it's "sacrifical" for both parties.

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 1

 
Playing for Keeps

This site is a Christian self-help website that has a section dedicated to a woman and her relationship. This article in the Marriage section of the "Today's Christian Woman" part of the website, talks about how micromanaging is unhealthy on a relationship. Like Dr. Laura, this article says that it is the female who needs to "look at herself in the mirror" to find the source of her problem. This article emphasizes that true fulfillment is "loving your husband for whom God made him to be rather than trying to make him play the role you want him to play." That is sort of like Dr. Laura's underlying message to how men are "very simple creatures." I found this article to be quit interesting because it was like reading a mini version of Dr. Laura's book.

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 7

 
A Life Preserver when Drowning in a Relationship

This is an article on the BellaOnline: The Voice of Women website. It seems to be a self-help site for women who need encouragement of what to do in their relationships. The Relationship Editor for this site references her readers to a few books, but a large amount of her "counseling" is based on what she's read and her own "experiments." It was very interesting reading this insert because it really made me see how the writer, Pam Garlick is stuck between the Dominance and Equity models of marriage. She claims that her relationship is getting better by her "becoming humble" instead of her husband, and inturn (like many of Dr. Laura's readers) he gives her respect and love. Her husband also, "honors me by wanting my input into nearly every decision we make, without me having to push my opinion on him." That line showed me that it really is up to the male to determine what level of marriage their relationship will float.

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 8

 
Let Her Say Whatever She Wants To Say!

This seems to be an MSN Arabian "self-help" version of the MSN site some people use as a resource. This short insert by Mohamed Kheidr, Publisher/Managing Directory, says that differences or disagreements don't have to end in bloodshed. Kheidr implies that differences or disagreements can be "engaging" to help express ourselves to the other where a winner does not have to exists. So in a way, it sounds like he is trying to speak out of the Unity model since he says that differences dont have to be a tool to prove whose right, but can be engaging as if it's a way to learn of the other. However, I found it very interesting that the rest of this article is more towards the Dominance model of mainly how the Wife should make her "man" feel good and happy. He basically has the Dr. Laura, attitude that men are simple, it doesn't take much to "keep us men happy." But I'm actually not surprised with this main Dominance tone because his culture is mainly a Dominance type of culture.

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 10

 
Principles For A Positive Marriage

This seems like a self-help site, but it is not. It is more of free-for-all of sharing information with the public. I believe it was created more as an outlet of creating awareness with specific topics. This specific article talks about why some couples last 20 years, and others are immediately headed for divorce. The main theme has to do with conversation, and the degree of how "tolerant" a couple is of each other, or how they try to resolve this "difference." In a way, it reminds me a lot of Unity 17, where it talks about a male needing to have a sexy conjugial conversational style to help let his wife know that he is ready to "move up" with her. Joyce Parker, Ph.D., writes that the main issue that involves in verbal conflicts involves "The Four Horseman," which is equivalent to how to break the "Conversational Rules for Husbands in Conjugial Interactions." These Horsemen involve: criticism, contempt (intention to insult or psychologically abuse), defensiveness, and stonewalling. On the other hand, Dr. Parker says that the "key is how to argue more effectively" which sounded like an "avoidant" approach (Equity-like or even Dominance-like), but her four "strategies" seem to match the conversational rules for husbands in Unity 17a Part 3. Her strategies are to: stay calm, speak nondefensively, validation, and overlearning.

- G25, Akiyama - Outline 10

 
Taken in Hand

This site defines a taken hands relationship as a male-controlled sexually and socially exclusive monogamous relationship in which the man’s power is real and for the purpose of creating a deeply connected, fully engaged relationship with a sexual connection.  A man’s dominance role is assumed that it is for the benefit for the relationship rather than for self-serving.  The woman is then assumed to respond to her man’s control.

- G25, Bulda - Outline 8

 
Equal Partners in Marriage

This article gave insight on a woman who basically takes on all chores in the house. She explained that she never had time for herself to practice her talents or even develop new ones. She sat her husband down and explained that she needed more help around the house from him and he willingly agreed to take on the responsibilities. I found it interesting because she wanted more time to work on her talents and her husband was understanding and thought it was a good idea for her to do so.

- G25, Monteilh - Outline 1

 
Men who help out are more sexually appealing

this is a study I found that studied men who did more household chores around the house and their wives found them more sexually appealing. It also talks about men who help around the house spend more quality time with their children and in turn have stronger relationships with their kids. When children see their fathers doing chores, it gives the children a sense of cooperation and team work.

- G25, Ide - Outline 2

 
A good story about intimacy and what women need in marriage

This story starts off with a husband who is getting home from work to a wife who is at home watching his children. She had had a long day full of many problems with the kids and when he got home, she didn’t want to make love. She needed to vent. She was tired and upset. Then, instead of yelling at her or treating her horribly, he told her to sit down and relax while he did the dishes for her. He took the kids out to play basketball and she was able to have a break. By the time he as ready for bed, his wife was ready for a little night action. I used this article because it represents what women would like out of their husbands. When we have been stressed, we need our men to help us out and take charge. Let us sit for a while.

- G25, Murray - Outline 10

 
Keeping Romance Alive after Kids Arrive

This article has comment from many parents on how to keep the romance in your marriage. Some things are simple like just going to sleep at the same time and taking a shower together, to going out on dates and acting like different people to act as if it's a first date. I thought it was interesting and could be useful to couples that are trying to liven up the romance in their marriage.

- G25, Imose - Outline 2

 
Children, Marriage and Date Nights

This article is by a mother who says that weekly date nights aren’t necessary to keep a marriage alive. She and her husband spend time together at home after the kids go to sleep. She thought that weekly separation from the child could have an effect on the child. She did then update her article seems like a few years later and added the she and her husband do go on a few date nights now and then, and that maybe they were neglecting their marriage before.

- G25, Imose - Outline 2

 
Recipe for Happiness in Marriage

This website gives tips on how to have a happy marriage. This article revolves around the saying that a married man is significantly more satisfied with his life when his wife becomes more satisfied with hers, and vice versa. It also talks about how unmarried couples who live together don't show the same patterns as married couples.

- G25, Delapena - Outline 7

 

This website contains the article, “Recipe for Happiness in Marriage.” It states that cultivating your own happiness could in turn make your spouse happy. The positive impact of having a happy spouse could offset problems such as unemployment. This is a very interesting article that brings to light the positive effects of the marriage on a couple and not just the negativity that so many people focus on.

- G24, Buchner - Outline 2

 
Seven Secrets for a Successful Marriage

This website discusses what they believe to be the seven secrets to a successful marriage. Some of the concepts that are discussed include: realistic expectations, commitment, and responsibility.

- G24, Tabon - Outline 6

 
Secrets of successful marriage: iVillage

I chose this website because its main focus was on how to keep up a successful marriage. This site offered tips on keeping a marriage rewarding.  Also, I can see examples on how love is spoken of as an action.  The word love is not necessarily used, but is implied.  There are also many links available, topics to discuss, and even a discussion board. 

- G24, Lau - Outline 1 , 2

 

This site has to do with achieving and maintaining a happy marriage.  The author discloses the “secrets” to a happy marriage and gives us examples of how couples in a successful marriage deal with certain problems.  I chose this site because I thought it was really interesting how the tips the author gives are both unity (focusing on connection and communication and anti-unity (focusing on the importance of keeping individuality in marriage).

- G24, Montague - Outline 9

 
Forgiveness...What's it For?

I chose this page because it explains how it is really important to know how to forgive. It helps people understand how to forgive and what it will do for them. I think this relates to what Dr. Laura is talking about when she says it is important to let things go.

- G24, Montague - Outline 4

 
To Be Known and Loved: Building intimacy in marriage

This website asserts that often times the problems individuals encounter are caused because they don’t know what true intimacy looks like and how to find it. This may lead to incidents involving drugs, adultery, sexual abuse, pornography, etc. This article describes how the search for intimacy isn’t easy, but is worthwhile.

- G24, Pettit - Outline 4

 
Happily married to a dominant man

Now this website is one that I’m sure everyone that has taken this class will appreciate and have fun with.  This is an actual website that promotes the dominance model of marriage in the sense that the husband is dominant and the wife is submissive.  Its funny how we can use what we learned in the unity model of marriage and immediately see what’s wrong in some marriages.  This website will actually make you wonder why there are wives out there that actually want to be dominated and think that it makes their marriage stronger.

- G24, Saito - Outline 7

 
MenWeb - Men's Issues: Secrets of Married Men

This website provides information on men’s flaws and issues in marriages.

- G24, Kanemaru - Outline 10

 
CHORE SHARING What does it take to get couples to share the houswork equally?

This website lists the problematic reasons why Coleman does not present the best marital advice.

- G24, Kanemaru - Outline 7

 

This article gives a brief description on a couple’s story of when they got married. I just wanted to compare the beginning of the story and show how it follows the Dominance Model and how the second part follows the Unity Model. From the very beginning, the poor wife told her husband she did not want to get married yet because she was too young. He said he was in love with her and was ready, so she gave in and got married. If he truly loved her, according to the Unity Model, he would’ve waited until SHE wanted to get married. They had a bad start to their marriage, as it began with an accident, but right before they changed their lives around, they never communicated on the same level, and she was ready to commit suicide because she was so unhappy. Communication should never be a problem within the Unity Model because when both of them reach the cognitive and affective level of unity, they should be able to think as one and know how the other feels. Thankfully, both of them turned to Jesus Christ, and began living their marriage through the Unity Model. I find it very interesting how so many people are unhappy in their relationships, and still let themselves to continue, when they can be so happy in a second if they would just follow the Unity Model.

- G25, Fields - Outline 4

 
Moving Toward Unity

I liked this site because it lists different issues that a married couple should try to stay away from. Things like belittling your mate, withdrawing from an argument and so forth are all examples of falling into the dominance model. No matter what, if a couple wants to live a successful marriage they do not want to be in the dominance model, but always trying to achieve the unity model.

- G25, Hasegawa - Outline 2