CUSTOMIZING MY EMOTIONAL SPIN CYCLE:
DATA COLLECTION
BY ALYSSA CHUN
PSYCH 409A—FALL 2001—G15
DR. LEON JAMES, INSTRUCTOR
WEEK ONE
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11/14/01 8:30 am This
morning I got up and I was really depressed because it is my ex-boyfriend’s
birthday. He was the one I cared for
the most out of all my past relationships.
The thing is, it just didn’t work out between us and, I still love
him. We haven’t talked for about 7
months since we broke up due to the fact that we broke up on bad terms. I think we are both still kind of upset
over the break up—at least I know I am, putting me in both zone 1 and 2 of
the spin cycle. I’m upset because of
the circumstances that we broke up under which then leads me to depression
and dissatisfaction because I can’t help to think that I did something wrong
that caused the break up. Anyways, as
I was saying, today is his birthday and as soon as I got up, he was all I
could think about. Even though we are
not on speaking terms, I felt obligated to wish him a happy birthday (which I
thought was zeal and compassion) even though I felt really awkward doing
it. I figured just because we aren’t
really speaking I should put all the water under the bridge and be the better
person. So, I ended up writing him a
message on his phone wishing him a happy birthday. That then made me proud of myself and put me in zone 3. |
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11/14/01 1:30 pm Today I
got upset with my boss because he wanted me to attend a company function that
I had decided not to attend because I had a lot of homework to do. He kept insisting that I go and started to
pull a guilt trip on me and kept telling me I could do my homework
later. I kept telling him in a nice
voice that I couldn’t go because I just had too much to do. He and another one of my coworkers kept
insisting that I go and I got angry.
I thought don’t you guys care if I fail my classes? It’s not like you guys have to worry about
doing homework. I don’t get paid
enough to attend these functions.
It’s not mandatory for me to go so why should I? These thoughts all fall in setting 1 of
the emotional spin cycle because I wanted to talk back to them or make them
feel guilty for forcing me to go. I
finally just agreed to go in an annoyed voice so they would stop bugging
me. I ended up getting really grouchy
because of this and just ignored everyone for the rest of the day and was
just being outright sarcastic to everyone.
My coworkers noticed it and were asking what my problem was and said,
“oh she’s all mad now” in a mocking sort of way. I went to the party, forgot about everything and had a
blast. By the end of the party, I was
happy that I went and experienced zone 3 of the spin cycle. |
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11/14/01 10:00 pm Okay, so
now I’m home from the company function mentioned in the above entry. Although I had a blast, at the party, now
I seem to be back in zones 1 and 2 of the spin cycle. The reason? I’m mad at myself for going because I knew I had so much
homework to do that I needed to finish, and I’m mad at my boss for making me
feel so guilty about not going. I
should’ve stayed home and did my homework. |
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11/15/01 11:30 am This
morning my boss is really getting to me.
I think I actually feel an intense amount of rage and resentment
toward her. It seems like everyday I
go to work; I have some sort of quarrel or confrontation with her. I try so hard not to but it just seems
impossible! She’s the kind of person
where she doesn’t listen to anyone until they straight up yell at her and
tell her very bluntly and rudely what you need to get across. I can’t ever have a normal conversation
with her because she’s always doing something else and not paying
attention. She asks me to do the most
stupid tasks and today I just got irritated.
She gives me so much tedious things to do and today on top of working
on all the rest of this stuff, she tells me to get someone’s phone number
that I don’t have access to at all.
She finally finds the number in her files but is not sure if it is the
correct one. So she calls me into her
office to get the number for her, call the number, and when I get the girl
she’s trying to reach on the phone, tell the girl to hold on and give the
phone back to her. All I can think is
“oh my god! You are stupid.” I mean
it would have been a lot easier if she just called herself because then she
wouldn’t have to explain everything to me.
I was totally experiencing zone 1.
I usually yell at my boss but then I ended up just sighing and walked
away and did what she asked. |
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11/15/01 3:30 pm I was
driving home today from school and was on Dole Street. I don’t usually mind bikers on the side of
the road but this one was holding up traffic, peddling like 1 mile and hour
and riding in the MIDDLE of the street. Not only is it irritating to drivers
but dangerous to the bikers. I don’t think many of them realize that if a
driver just looks away for a minute or for some reason is just not paying
attention, they could easily hit the biker. I think they need to either stay
in the bike lane, ride intelligently (not in the middle of the road) or don’t
ride their bikes at all. I can’t
stand it when bikers ride their bikes in the middle of the damn street! I
just don’t understand why they have a bike lane if they never use it. This incident made me angry (zone 1) at
the biker and I just wanted to yell at him (emotionally impaired thoughts)
but instead I switched to zone 4 and just swerved around him and continued on
my marry way. |
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11/15/01 9:30 pm Tonight I
got extremely mad at a friend for standing me up. I called her around 7:30 pm and asked her if she wanted to go
out to a bar with another friend and myself.
She said sure and after about 3 hours of waiting for her, we called
her and she was on a date with some guy.
I got extremely mad because you don’t tell someone you are going to
meet them and just stand them up—especially your “friends”. It turned out she met us because
coincidently her date wanted to go where we were and when she showed up she
made like everything was fine and dandy.
Then she tried talking to me and I was so upset I just wanted to yell
at her for being so selfish and tell her off. At this point I was definitely in zone 1 of the emotional spin
cycle. I ended up just ignoring her
because I felt that if I tried to talk to her I would just make a big scene
that I would probably regret later.
After a while I ended up telling her why I was mad and she kept trying
to justify her actions. This made me
even more upset. She finally
apologized but I was still angry with her.
I just said okay in a kind of irritated voice, and grabbed my other
friend and left because I knew that if I stuck around I would have done
something stupid. I would say that my
action of leaving rather than staying there and fighting with her was and
emotionally intelligent thought as in zone 4 of the emotional spin cycle. |
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11/16/01 8:00 am This
morning I woke up and was really hung over from the night before. I was really mad at myself and was
experiencing zone 2 of the emotional spin cycle. The reason I felt this way was because I knew I shouldn’t have
drank so much the night before and that instead of going out and drinking I
should have stayed home and studied because I had so much homework to
do. I felt really depressed and
dissatisfied with the choices that I had made and wanted to just sleep in and
skip class. I felt there was no sense
in going to school because I was failing all my classes anyway and I just
didn’t care. I ended up taking a
shower and in the shower I started feeling a little bit better and switched
over to zone 3 and thought to myself, realistically I’m not failing any of my
classes—I’m actually doing pretty good, I will go to school and learn and
during the weekend I will finish all my homework. I proceeded to school and was satisfied with my choice to go to
class. |
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11/16/01 12:00 pm This
afternoon I was looking forward to my coworker’s 21st birthday
party. We are going to celebrate it
tonight at Gordon Biersch. I am
definitely optimistic about her party and have a feeling we are gonna have a
blast. This put me in zone 3 of the emotional
spin cycle. I was so excited I didn’t
let anything bother me the whole day, just went about my work, had fun, and
can’t wait to party. |
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11/16/01 1:00 am I just
got home from my coworker’s 21st birthday party and had a lot of
fun. I caught a ride with my boss’s
wife to the party and we both had a little too much to drink so we left her
car at the restaurant. My boss ended
up taking us both home (he drove separately) but on the way home we started
talking about another lady that used to work with us. We are not very happy with this lady
because she no longer works for our company but still has a really big
influence over it and a lot of our employees. My boss, his wife, and myself ended up feeling anger when her
name was brought up, making us think about all the things she pulled, and we
ended up getting pretty angry and started talking all kind of trash about
her. I was definitely in zone 1 of
the emotional spin cycle. |
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11/17/01 10:00 am Slept
in…missed morning observation. |
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11/17/01 12:00 pm Right now
I am in zone 1 & 2 of the emotional spin cycle. I woke up late and now I am regretting it because I should have
got up earlier to do my homework. But
now I am gonna start doing my homework and will continue to do it all day
instead of just moping around and being lazy. |
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11/17/01 9:30 pm Tonight my friend is over and wants me to go to the dance club, Pipeline. I keep telling her that a few other people called me to go to pipeline tonight but I just can’t go because I have to finish my report for my psychology class and I have no idea what to write for my paper on the emotional spin cycle. Right now I am experiencing zone 2, pessimistic and cynical thoughts along with depression and dissatisfaction with myself because I am at such a dead end. Her reasoning is that if I go with her to the club, I will be able to relax and switch over to zone 3 and maybe even come to some sort of revelation to what I am going to write. My problem now is I am wondering if I go out (which I really want to do) if this action will lead me back to zone 2 with myself for not completing my assignment. Maybe she’s right, and I think I will go because if I stay at home and do my homework I will just get more frustrated and depressed. |
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11/18/01 10:00 am Slept in…missed
morning observation. |
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11/18/01 12:00 pm I just
got up after my night out of clubbing at Pipeline. While I was there I saw one of my best friends of like 8 years
who I haven’t seen for a very long time.
We used to be super close and still are we just don’t talk as much as
we used to. Anyways, last night I was
experiencing zone 4 of the spin cycle because although I haven’t seen him for
a long time and didn’t really get to talk to him last night I known that
something is totally bothering him and I am really worried about him. I asked him to talk about it to see if I
could help and he said he would talk to me about it later. So instead of bugging him last night, we made
a date for next weekend so we can talk and bring each other up to speed on what’s
going on. I’m just really worried
about him and hope that he’s okay. |
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11/18/01 9:00 pm Okay
tonight I am staying home and doing homework and am in zone 3 of the
emotional spin cycle because I am trying catch up with all the assignments
that I have been avoiding. |
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11/19/01 11:30 am This
morning I got a call from the ex boyfriend that I really didn’t want to talk
to. He called me in class but I
missed his call. He called me back
and although we haven’t talked in 8 months, because we broke up on really bad
terms, he called and made like everything was fine and that nothing ever
happened. He called to ask me for
help about school matters and I answered his questions and was quite civil to
him (zone 4). After I got off the
phone I went through a series of emotions and it was horrible. At first I was happy to hear from him
because I still really love him. Then
I got mad because I thought about why we broke up and how he had the nerve to
call me back and make like everything was fine and that he did nothing wrong
(zone 1). Then I got sad because I
missed the good times that we had together (zone 2). It was all just so confusing and
frustrating because I didn’t know what I was feeling or thinking. |
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11/19/01 3:30 pm I just
got home and was still depressed about the ex boyfriend. I checked my mail and I got a letter from
one of my really close friends that had just recently moved to the
mainland. I was happy that he wrote
me and opened up the letter. After I
read it I got this overwhelming feeling of depression and dissatisfaction
with everything all at once including myself (zone 2). It’s like everything just hit me all at
once. I was sad that he moved and
just started feeling sorry for myself.
I started thinking about the ex boyfriend again, school, work, and
stuff and just started crying (action in zone 2). I was just so depressed and frustrated I ended up going to
sleep. |
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11/19/01 8:30 pm Tonight
my friend is here keeping me company because she knew I had a bad day. We are just talking about things and
trying to do some homework. I seem to
be doing okay now and am currently in zone 3. I have calmed down from my negative thoughts earlier in the day
and am trying to focus on happier, more positive things. It seems to be working but I have to say,
I’m still a little sad (back to zone 2). |
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11/20/01 10:00 am This
morning I woke up and was looking forward to starting the day. I was looking forward to going to work and
starting a really big project that we have to do. See, my company is throwing this really big tailgate for
sponsors at the BYU football game on Dec. 8.
I am in charge of the list of invites which might I add consists of
about 1000 people. My boss has been
bugging me about this project for months because it is a very important
one. If our company screws this up at
all, it will make us look really bad.
So like I said, I was ready to get to work and complete everything. I was in zones 3 and 4 of the emotional
spin cycle. |
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11/20/01 4:00 pm Right now
I am definitely entering zone 1 of the emotional spin cycle because my bosses
are making like this is such as important event, which it is, and expect me
to finish this list of invitees with names and addresses in one day. This is impossible. And, they are not even helping me at
all. I just want to tell them that I
quit and that I am not gonna do this if they are not gonna help me. But I can’t really afford to do that right
now so I will keep working my hardest to get this done and keep telling
myself they aren’t helping me because they have other projects they are
working on. But it seems to me that
it is just not gonna happen (zone 2). |
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11/20/01 9:00 pm I just
finished shopping and had a blast. I
did all my homework the night before so I am in zone 3 right now and am happy
that I can just sit back and relax for the rest of the night. I am proud of myself for doing all my
homework early and am looking forward to going to school tomorrow. I am feeling a little tired though so I’m
gonna go into zone 4 and get some rest (emotionally intelligent thoughts) so
I can function well in class tomorrow. |
WEEK TWO
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11/21/01 11:30 am Wow! I knew that I would be able to finish the
invites today because I didn’t have very many left and I was almost
done. I was kind of angry in zone 1
because it seemed like I am the only one who really cares about this tailgate
and that my bosses and coworkers would get the credit for something that I
did by myself. And I know that if I
screw something up, they will have nothing to do with it and it would be all
my fault. But right now I am starting
to adopt a very cynical attitude and feel like maybe I should purposely leave
out a few important people from my list so my whole department can look bad—like
they haven’t been on top of things—like they haven’t, even though I try to
think that maybe they are just busy and try to think of other reasons why
they aren’t helping me. But as usual,
I will just continue to work and get things done properly…maybe then I can go
back into zone 3 and be proud of myself and know that at least I did
something constructive that counts all on my own! |
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11/21/01 3:00 pm I’m just
about done with my list and am very proud of myself (zone 3) that I completed
such a large task all by myself. I am
definitely looking forward to going home and relaxing and am looking forward
to thanksgiving. Oh okay wait…I said
just about done…I could still use help and one of my bosses just left early
to make pies. This is completely
ridiculous! They seem to forget that
they are the very ones who are telling me how important this thing is and she
goes home to make pies. I’m a little
ticked off! Right now excuse my
French, but I want to tell her to take her pies and…well you get the
point. I tried to tell myself that I
should be happy because it is almost thanksgiving and maybe she had a lot of
pies to cook, but I’m still pissed and obviously my bridge technique didn’t
work. |
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11/21/01 8:00 pm Okay I’m
still all irritated from my incident at work. I think I’m gonna go out with some friends and have a good
time—just to get my mind off things (zone 3). I think if I just stay home I will just stay stuck in zone 1
and feel anger or rage. |
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11/22/01 8:00 am Slept
in…so I missed the morning observation….oops! |
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11/22/01 12:00 pm Today is
thanksgiving! And I am experiencing
zone 4 of the emotional spin cycle. I
am thankful for everything that I have and am feeling great. I have decided that I was going to call a
friend today to wish him a happy thanksgiving because I haven’t talked to him
for a few months because we had a few complications with our friendship. But I still really care about him (zone
4). So today I called him and left a
message on his phone wishing him a happy thanksgiving. |
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11/22/01 9:00 pm I just
got home from my auntie’s house and my brother’s house for thanksgiving
dinner. My dad was sick so I brought
him home food. I was happy but a
little concerned about one of my friends because he didn’t have family to
spend thanksgiving with and the night before he was getting really depressed
and down on himself. So I called him
and talked to him for a while at that point I felt really bad for him (zone
2) but after we talked he seemed to be a lot happier. That made me happy and I felt like I did
something supportive and constructive (zone 4). |
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11/23/01 8:00 am Today I
went to work at about 8 am and I was looking forward to finishing my project
and maybe even going home early to work on some homework and was in zone
3. |
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11/23/01 12:00 pm Turns out
my boss came in later than I and although it was obvious that I needed a
massive amount of help she left the office at 12 to go shopping. Boy was I
pissed!!!!!!! My other boss was on
his way to a lunch meeting so I asked if I could leave and he told me to wait
till he came back. He said he’d only
be about an hour. He didn’t come back
till like 3:30 and he knew that I had a ton of homework to do! I was in zone 1 of the emotional spin
cycle. I felt like just telling
everyone off and quitting. But
instead, when he came back I expressed how angry I was because the situation
that I was put in was completely and totally uncalled for and
unnecessary. I mean, I’m a student,
getting a crappy salary w/o benefits, with a ton of homework, and they get to
go shopping. As far as I’m concerned
it’s a bunch of bulls*@!! I tried to
be positive and think okay maybe she had something really important to buy,
but I just didn’t think that it was very fair. Again, my bridge technique didn’t really work. I was still very angry and upset. |
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11/23/01 8:00 pm Although
I had a very stressful day, I am now at home trying to relax and am looking
forward to the weekend (zone 4). I
can get started on some more of my homework and collect my thoughts. |
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11/24/01 10:00 am Just now I
started the wash and am feeling very productive and am in zone 4 of the
emotional spin cycle because I am doing something constructive to make my day
a little less hectic. |
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11/24/01 12:00 pm Right now
I am getting ready to go to work and I am stressing out because I feel like
I’m forgetting stuff. I am
experiencing zone 2 of the emotional spin cycle because I am having
pessimistic and cynical thoughts. I
am dreading going to work because I know that it will be a very long night
and we are short handed. But
hopefully it will work out for the better and everything will be okay. This made me feel a little more optimistic
and put me in zone 4. |
|
|
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11/24/01 11:00 pm Tonight
was a very good night up until I got into yet another fight with my
boss. We were working at around 9:30
pm I took a break since I was not stop busting my butt for about 2
hours. It didn’t seem like they
needed help, so when I realized that they did (no one said anything) I went
to help my bosses and coworkers and my boss made this really snide remark to
me and said “Only now you come to help when everything’s done.” She did not say it in a joking way and
there were a lot of people around.
Out of rage (zone 1) I reacted in a very negative way. I said “Kiss my a%@” and she tried to play
it off like she was only joking and I just replied “I wasn’t” and walked
away. I have to say though, although
I reacted very negatively, it gave me satisfaction to let her know how I
really felt. I know this is bad, and
I tried to tell myself to just ignore it but I couldn’t my rage got the best
of me and my bridge technique just didn’t work. |
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11/25/01 10:00 am I just
got off the phone with a really good friend who I have known for 10 years and
he has had a drug problem for the past 6 years. We always fight about this problem because I think that he is
zone 2 of the emotional spin cycle because he is into self-destructive
behavior. When I ask him why, it’s
because he says that he is in zone 3 and it makes him happy. When I hear this, I get angry with him and
I get in zone 1 because I don’t want to see him hurt himself like that and I
have to admit, am trying to condemn him.
We end up talking about it but nothing happens and he still continues
to do this so we just end our conversation and usually make like nothing
happened. But I’m not sure if that is
constructive behavior (zone 4) because I’m depressed at myself for not
stopping him, leaving me in zones 1 & 2.
Then I went into zone 4 and thought okay maybe this is just a
phase. But after serious
consideration and worry, I don’t think it is a phase. Realistically, he’s been doing it for 6
years. A six-year phase?? I don’t think so. |
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11/25/01 5:00 pm Tonight I
am supposed to be going out with one of my really good friends. I am really worried about him because the
last time I saw him he did not seem like he was doing to well (zone 4). My only problem is I can’t go out with him
tonight because I have way too much homework to do. That is making me feel really depressed and angry at myself at
the same time because I knew I should have done my homework earlier and I
won’t get to talk to him tonight (zones 1 and 2). But I know that I f id don’t stay home and finish my homework
then I will regret it. So I am
experiencing emotionally intelligent thoughts (zone 4) and will call him to
reschedule a time where we can meet.
Through this, I think I am happy with my decision (zone 3) to stay
home and do my homework. |
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11/25/01 9:00 pm Now I am
in zone 1 of the emotional spin cycle because I am waiting for a friend to
come over and she has not showed up yet.
And I am getting angry. I
thought okay, maybe she’s just sleeping and my bridge technique worked. So I called her and she said that I was
supposed to call her to tell her when to come over. And then I started feeling zone 1 & 2
of the emotional spin cycle because I was getting mad at myself because I
forgot to call her and got mad at her for no reason because it was my fault. But after we talked things out (zones 3
& 4) everything was good and I was happy. |
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11/26/01 10:00 am This
morning I called to make a doctors appointment for next week. I encountered this really ignorant
receptionist who couldn’t speak English very well and I started to get angry
because she could not answer simple questions (zone 1). She proceeded to tell me that my regular
doctor was on a leave of absence, therefore I could not make an appointment
when I needed to. This made me angry
because it did not fit into my schedule (zone 1) I felt like just yelling at
the lady. But I asked if there was
another doctor that I could see instead and made an appointment with her
(zone 3 & 4). Even though I
couldn’t see the doctor I wanted, I figure I’d give this other one a
shot. I thought that was pretty
constructive and my bridge technique worked again. |
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11/26/01 3:30 pm I just
got home from class and I am kinda irritated because one of my classes has a
mandatory attendance policy and most of the time half the students in the
class don’t even show up. I go to
class every single day, as I am supposed to but the students that don’t
attend class seem to be getting the same grade as me and I don’t think that
it is very fair. That makes me feel
anger towards the teacher because they are not sticking to their policy (zone
1) but then again, maybe they are and just haven’t totaled the other students
attendance in with the rest of their overall grades. This made me a little less angry. |
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11/26/01 8:00 pm I’ve been
doing homework for the past 4 hours and it seems like I haven’t done
anything! I am definitely in zone 1
and 2 of the emotional spin cycle because I can’t figure out what to do for
my assignments or am just not in the homework mood. I’m feeling rage because although I am trying to get things
done, it is just not happening. I
feel like going out and having fun and forgetting about homework. I know that I will regret it but right now
I just don’t care (zone 2). I know I
will have to pay for it tomorrow but oh, well! Then, I thought, maybe I can go out and clear my mind for a
while, and then tomorrow I can get on a role and finish my projects with a
clear head. That made me move into
zones 3 and 4. |
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11/27/01 10:00 am This
morning I woke up with a really bad hangover and was really tired. I went out the night before and drank a
lot because I was so stressed out about everything (zone 2). I was really angry with myself (zone 1)
because I knew that I should have found more constructive methods to relieve
my stress but I didn’t. I just
crawled out of bed and went to work and thought the day had to get
better. I thought that was a pretty
optimistic thought (zone 4). |
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11/27/01 12:00 pm Right now
I am at work and am finishing some odds and ends projects that I needed to
get done. I was taking my time and
found myself completing everything one step at a time and not getting as
stressed out as I usually do at work.
I was in zone 4 of the emotional spin cycle. |
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11/27/01 9:00 pm My best friend is here and is helping me to correct one of my homework assignments for my foreign language class. At first I was really proud of myself for starting on the assignment so early and actually sort of understanding what I was doing (zone 3) but after she finished correcting my paper there were all these marks on it of errors that I did not understand or was not aware of. That made me fall back into zone 2, where I felled depressed and dissatisfied with myself because even though I thought I knew what I was doing I didn’t. But then again, I guess my effort counts (zone 3). |
MY HOMEPAGE
CLASS HOMEPAGE
REPORT 1:
CUSTOMIZING MY EMOTIONAL SPIN CYCLE:
(ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY)
REPORT 2: CUSTOMIZING
MY EMOTIONAL SPIN CYCLE:
(DATA ANALYSIS)