September

1st 2001

 Morning

 Afternoon

 Evening

Place:

My apartment

My apartment

On the street

My husband and I got up. Usually I start making breakfast while he makes the bed and sets the table. This morning, as soon as he got up he turned the TV on and forgot about everything else. He knows how I hate TV in the mornings! I became so upset? I was ready to break something. I thought to myself:"Why does he do this to me? He wants to make me angry and spoil my day." I yelled at him, he turned the TV off but our moods were very negative.

This was a very weird thing that happened this afternoon. I just had washed my new white shirt ( I used it once) and hung it out in my lanai. As soon as I turned my back to it, I felt a strong wind and when I turned back to check my shirt it was gone! I looked everywhere I could but I didn't find it. I was so angry! I though:" Why did I hang so close to the window? I'm so stupid!" I took a pillow and hit it several times and I started to feel better. I'm glad nobody was home.

I checked the bus schedule and I went to catch it 10min. earlier. I was going to meet my husband, but of course the bus didn't show up. I waited for 40min!I was swearing aloud already (but in my native language). I don't remember if anybody passed by. MY mood was completely spoiled. Then I thought about how nice it would be at the party. I got even more upset. I just went home and called saying that I was too late anyway so I won't go.

II-in the evening 

September

2nd 2001

 Morning

Afternoon

Evening

Place:

Tennis court

On the street

In my apartment

I am learning to play tennis. My husband plays pretty well. We both were practicing when I started to get too frustrated. I couldn't catch any ball! I got very angry at myself. I started to think that I'll never learn this game, that I'm too slow, too stupid too goofy! After these thoughts I started to play even worse! Then I stopped and said to myself:" Maybe I should just go home and relax." That was what I did.

I was biking on the sidewalk ready to cross the street (which showed green light to pedestrians), when suddenly one car appeared with the driver looking just to his left side to check if any car was coming forgetting completely about the right side, where I was. If I didn't pay attention to the driver, I'd probably be at the hospital ! I got very angry at him thinking about all the bad things that could have happened. I continued to drive but, this incident made me stressed for the rest of the day.

I got home very hungry and tired. I didn't want to cook anything, so I had a frozen pizza for dinner. I set the timer and went to take a shower. The pizza burned out because I forgot to check the temperature. I was very upset! I felt stupid and ready to hit my head on the wall! I thought: " Why things never work out when I'm in a rush!" I was too hungry and angry to think about any solution so I just ate the burned pizza.

September

3rd 2001

 Morning

 Afternoon

Evening

Place:

My apartment

Blockbuster

My apartment

I was cutting the watermelon when somehow I lost the balance (holding the watermelon) and the whole thing fell on the floor making a huge mess. I was so angry that I yelled pretty loud! I just wanted to kick its pieces all over! Then I sat down, took some deep breaths, calmed down and cleaned the mess. I don't remember exactly what I was thinking but it might be that I just said to myself:" It was just a water melon, just a watermelon!"

I wanted to rent a movie, so I biked to blockbusters. When I got there I realized I left my wallet and my locker keys home. I was so frustrated! Then I got angry. I thought: "Where is my head? Do I have some memory?" If someone saw me, he/she probably thought I was a crazy woman. I swore a lot and I guess it helped my to calm down.

I didn't like at all the dinner that I prepared I felt that I could have done something much better. I didn't eat it even though my husband liked it. My mood became kind of heavy for the rest of the evening.

September

4th 2001

 Morning

 Afternoon

 Evening

Place:

at my work

On my way home

In my apartment

I work as a PPT with an autistic boy. I saw him smiling at the beginning of our class and thought the day would be productive, but as soon as I sat at our desk he became upset. He didn't want to cooperate at all. After 45min. trying to break through his mood, I gave up. I felt too angry. I didn't want to show it to anybody in class so I just left. I felt weak, unable to help him, to fix the situation. I stayed depressed for the rest of the day.

It was very hot when I was biding home. My head ached and I was sweating a lot. To make the situation worse, the chain from my bike went out! I just wanted to cry. I don't know if it was because I was too angry or because I was depressed, maybe both. I imagined someone who could help me, but nobody did. So after 20min. I fixed it myself and went home feeling nothing, it was weird, as if all my feelings and thoughts disappeared. I was doing everything automatically

I was so tired! The only thing I wanted was to sleep. By my husband was working on the computer until 2am! As we live in a studio, there is no place to "hide", and as I have a very superficial sleep, I kept waking up several times. I became very angry. But not at my husband but at myself. Why couldn't I fall asleep? I felt my whole body aching asking for rest! I wanted a medicine to me help me sleep. But what I did was just to turn angrily from one side to another for two hours.

September

5th 2001

Morning

Afternoon

 Evening

Place:

Post office

UH campus

In my apartment

I had 15min. left before my class started to send one important letter. I put the stamps on the envelope and dropped it in the letter box. 3 seconds latter I realized that I forgot to write down the country where the letter must go. I got very angry. I wanted to hit myself! I thought about the pictures that were there and about the time I spent writing the letter... I then ran to the post office, asked for someone who could open the box and in a couple of minutes I corrected my mistake.

I was very hungry and I had just some minutes left to eat something and run to my meeting. I stopped at one of those food machines thinking it will be faster than going to the cafeteria. Well, I was wrong. The machine ate my money and didn't give me anything. I shook it, but my wish was to break the machine! I didn't have more money so I just ran to my meeting in a very bad mood.

As soon as I laid down, I remembered I promised my brother to send him an e-mail. Just thinking of getting up made me upset. I thought then: " well if I write him in this mood, nothing nice will come out." So I calmed down thinking how important he is to me and wrote him just a short message explaining my situation and telling him I'd write him next morning.

Worst level of negativity or Selfishness of some other people =2

September

6th 2001

 Morning

 Afternoon

 Evening

Place:

In one of my classes

at work

In my apartment

I got to class 10min. before it starts and still didn't find a seat in the first or second row. I sat in the middle row already getting upset. The problem is that my glasses' prescription need to be changed. I couldn't see anything on the blackboard.. I couldn't concentrate in what the professor was explaining because I couldn't see the picture. I got upset at everybody around especially at those sitting in the first row, even though it was all my fault that I didn't change my glasses. I left the class.

I arrived at my work already in a bad mood, so I tried to keep calm and not vent my anger there. Then, children in the class started to scream as crazy! I couldn't make the boy (with whom I work) concentrate on the exercise. The boy was getting very upset because of the noises too. I thought: " How teachers can let such a mess happen in class? If I were their teacher this definitely wouldn't happen!" I called the attention of couples but it wasn't enough, my head was exploding already. I took the boy outside and we worked in peace.

My husband was doing laundry and I didn't pay attention when he asked if he could wash one of my (dry only) skirts, and I said yes. Well the skirt shrank and I got very angry at him. I started yelling at him even though I knew it was my fault.

September

7th 2001

Morning

Afternoon

Evening

Place:

In my apartment

In my apartment

In the bus

I was taking my bike out from our apt when a strong wind pushed the door right toward me, hitting my toe pretty bad. It hurt a lot! I scream at the door and hit it several times. I thought I had broken my toe, that I would need to change my shoes, that I would get late at work, so I was very upset. I took out my shoe and realized it wasn't that bad, so I calmed down and went to work.

I got home very tired and I saw that huge mess in the apartment. I got a little bit angry because I wanted to lay down and relax, something that I can't do when there is a mess around me. So what I did was to clean the whole place instead of resting. I became more irritated after words and unfortunately I reflected it on my husband when he got home.

One old lady inside the bus was walking toward the door when the bus shook suddenly and she fell. The teenager who was right next to her didn't even move to help her. I ran toward her to help. Fortunately she didn't injure herself. I got so angry at that boy! I want to give him a lesson! Instead I just gave him disappointed look.

Worst level of negativity or Selfishness of some other people=4 

September

8th 2001

 Morning

 Afternoon

Evening

Place:

My apartment

Supermarket

Makiki Park

I was very angry that my husband needed to go to work in a such a wonderful morning. I felt so alone! I wanted to go with him to the beach and spend sometime together. I decided to go by myself even though it was boring.

I just had finished putting the groceries in my bike's basket when it lost its balance dropping everything on the floor. I was ready to yell and explode, but as I was in a public place, I hold myself and waited some seconds taking deep breaths to calm down. A couple minutes later I started to take the things from the floor.

My husband and I were trying to find out what do we need to do to swim in the new pool in Makiki park when this guard stopped us saying that we are not allowed to walk there yet. So we asked him about the pool and he didn't know anything about it even though he was guarding the pool. I got very upset! How come they do not give any information to the public? This is a public park! We just walked home frustrated about it.