SELF-WITNESSING REPORT ON THE AGE OF RAGE
The Rage is Going to Get You
Stephen Castro Jr.
April 9, 2001
Introduction
Rage comes in many forms of behavior. No matter where you live, Rage is alive and kicking. It is brewing in someone as you read this and you do not know who is experiencing it. Rage can show itself even in the most trivial of situations where people just lose their cool over something that is not worth getting angry at. It is something that everyone experiences many times throughout their lives and it affects the society in many way and on many levels. No matter what the situation is, when Rage is involved, someone will be affected by it. In my Annotated Bibliography on the Age of Rage (Report 1), which can be viewed by clicking here, I provided examples about some forms of rage that interests me (Golf Rage, Air Rage, Surf Rage, & Parking Rage). The examples that were provided in report 1 did not paint a pretty picture about the Rage topics being discussed. The outcomes of many of the situations escalated from minor arguments that snowballed to scenes of violence that sometimes ended up in tragedy and a life or lives were lost. In some cases, Rage affects only the person getting agitated by a certain stimuli, but in other cases, Rage is exerted unto objects and other people.
Whether Rage is kept inside or exerted onto something or someone, it is for lack of a better word, BAD. It affects both the mental health and sometimes the physical health of the persons involved and it is detrimental to all who are involved. From all of the encounters of Rage that I have witnessed and lived through personally, I'd have to say that misunderstandings are one of the main reasons why Rage snowballs from minor situations to ones where people get hurt or even die. Every individual is a unique individual who has his/her own belief and moral system that guides them through their lives. Sometimes these very subjective beliefs/opinions allow for misunderstandings to arise, because judgments are based on assumptions on the other persons behalf. Plus, many people act on these assumptions and do not allow for a clean line of communication to be established, because they think that they are right. The whole point of this paper is to establish a means to conquer Rage behaviors. This is done by following a model called the Three Step Method. The following episodes are instances of rage that I have experienced myself. I will try to dwell into the ways in which I could have prevented these situations from happening by applying them to the Three Step Method. To read more on the Three Step Method, click here.
Self-Witnessing Reports
Episode 1
Episode one is the first installment of the Star Wars series by George Lucas. There are many things that I have found to be wrong with this movie. One of which is when Obi Wan tells tells Luke in Empire that when he first met Anakin Skywalker, he was a great fighter pilot, which is not the case in the Phantom Menace. Anakin was a kid in Phantom! How this relates to the topic of Rage is not clear... Read Further.
I had to get that out of my system. The first episode I'd like to discuss relates to my current employment as a Resident Advisor for Hale Mokihana, one of the dormitories in the University of Hawaii Student Housing Services. This story has it all... Sex, Violence, Kung-Fu, and it won some Oscars this year. Oh wait that's Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
This particular story starts off on a Friday during one of my on-call shifts...
I was feeling great that day. I had just finished working out and one of the cheerleaders from the UH cheer squad was coming over to keep me company while I was on-call. She came over to my place and she brought 3 friends over, but that's besides the point. I place the time at around 7pm. 8:30pm on the clock creeps up and what do you know, I was paged. (In a squeaky High Voice) "I'm locked out, can you let me in?" I did so, and the female resident then advised me that she has lost her keys. I started to get a little aggravated, because the Hall Director is the only person who can give permission to lend out a spare key, was not in, so I could not let her keep her spare key for more than 15 minutes. I knew if the Hall Director did not show before 9pm (when the front desk closes), I'd be receiving phone calls all night from that chick asking me to open her door. The Hall Director did not show all night long, and the chick went out to a club. I forgot to mention that she has her own room, so I could not depend on a roommate to open her door. I grinded my teeth and my palms were getting sweaty, because I could just picture myself at around 4am answering the pager and having to open her door. This was on my mind the whole night, which made me more irritable and prone to getting mad faster.
(12:35am)
I do a round to clear everyone out of the building. I had done a round at around 11pm and warned everyone that I was coming around during quiet and no visitor hours, to "check" the building and status of any "gatherings". When I got to the 12th floor, I realized that a party of 8 had turned into a part of about 35 people! The music was not loud, but the people where. I do not know how I could not have heard what was going on in the building. I must have been "preoccupied" for a long time. *wink wink* I approached the room and asked to talk to the resident of the room. The resident came out and I told him that all of his guests had to leave. I lectured him and said that I told him earlier that if things were not kept inside of the room, I would kick everyone out. By all means, I believe in having a little fun, but I feel that if you breach this comfort zone that I have established with the residents, heads will definitely roll. The resident complained and asked for one more chance. It was his birthday supposedly. I told him no, because people were smoking and drinking on the balcony. I told him this with a lot of hostility in my voice. Plus, some of his guests were walking around the hallway with open cans of alcohol. I announced that everyone had to leave and that I would be escorting them to the elevator and out of the building. I was met with complaints and some profanity, but I could care less of these petty acts of disrespect. When I was leaving, the resident then proceeded to call me " a dorky-ass fag with no excitement in his life, that gets kicks out of ruining people's fun". His guest were saying things like amen, tru-dat, etc. One of his bigger guests even stared me down the whole way. Even when he got in the elevator, he was staring at me. I was sooo pissed off by this point that I even stared the guest down. I demanded people for their open drinks, but some would not give it to me, and they continued drinking it in my face. I even reached and yanked a drink out of one guys hand and he got in my face. I stood there and dropped my on-call binder to the floor so as to defend myself from any danger. The guy looked at me at made a sound of discontent from his mouth while he raised an eyebrow at me. His girlfriend, I assume it was his girlfriend, then pulled him away from the situation. The resident then began to laugh and called me a "pussie". He then said, "If it wasn't for that chick, you would have gotten your ass kicked!" He then started laughing. I then told the resident, "Laugh at this smart ass. I'm taking disciplinary action against you. Be prepared to get the &^%$ out of my building." He then said, "What the &*^@ did you say?!?!" I said, "You heard me bitch. Harold (not his real name) I constantly let you guys have fun and you show me disrespect by breaking the rules to which I govern all my actions. I am a laid back kind of guy, and I respect the fact that your friends and yourself want to have fun, but I will only go so far to protect you guys. Now that you have shown me that you do not respect me, I will show you how I treat people who do not honor my simple rules and reasoning. So get the hell out of my face, go in your room, or I will call security and have you evicted on the spot. Don't you &^%$# talk to me like that ever again Harold." At this point, I was fuming. I was already sweating, because I ran from the 8th to the 12th floor, and I was not in a good mood. The quote I just mentioned may not be exactly as written, but it was in effect the same message, give or take a few more "bad" words. I escorted everyone out of the building, which took me about 45 minutes to do so, because of all the talking and arguments. Trouble solved, but would it be the last thing? Not exactly...
I could not get to sleep for a long time after I returned to my room. I hit my pillows and the wall. I was pacing to and fro. I just had gotten to sleep at around 3:30am, when I got a page at about 5:30am! Lo and behold, it was the chick who did not have a key to her room! I was tired, cranky, pissed, and still agitated by the 12th floor situation that occurred about 4 hours earlier. I told her that it was really messed up that she stayed out this late knowing that she had no key to her room. She said that she "thinks" that she knows where her keys are. She said that it was in her friends car in Kaneohe. I said, "Well OK then (in the most sarcastic, non-professional way that this could be said), call your friend now and find out, because I will not let you in your room until she finds out for sure." She called and said that she is not answering her cell phone. I then said to call her home and anywhere that she may be. She finally got in touch with her friend and to my surprise (yeah right), her key wasn't there. I then said that we have to go to the front desk to fill out a key replacement form. She said that if it was possible that she did it in the morning when the desk opens. I said no. I could tell she was drunk and was downing pretty bad, because she could not walk or talk straight. I still took her downstairs though. We filled out all the forms and I let her in her room. Handling this situation took about 45 minutes also. I was wide awake by now and cranky as hell... What a night I tell you.
Episode 2
Episode 2 occurred a while back. It happened in the summer of 2000. I do not know how much the story has changed, because I have told it many times. I was driving to Mililani at about 5:00 in the afternoon on a weekday. I estimate it to be about this time, because I finished work at 4:30pm. I was in some major traffic. As per usual, I weave in and out of lanes to inch ahead to save me those oh so precious seconds that I care not to waste of my life. This one time I did not signal and I just changed lanes. I must have thought that I was in the clear. Right when I pull into the right lane, I heard this screeching of tires. I looked behind and these two guys in a Lexus were fuming. I waved that I was sorry and showed the "shaka" sign. Apparently this did not work, because they were riding on my ass so-to-speak. I admit that I was the one at fault. I felt really bad and my heart was actually still pumping. I remember cussing under my breath at myself and calling myself a plethora of vulgarities. I gave them the sorry sign, then I followed it up by showing them the sign of aloha, the "shaka" sign. They tailed me and/or bothered me from the point were I made the mistake (right where you take the left to go to pearl ridge or right to continue to go to pearl city... I went right) all the way to the Mililani cutoff (the one that leads to the Ka Uka offramp). Just about where you take the Mililani/Wahiawa cutoff, they pulled to left of my car. The person in the person in the passenger seat must have been like 14 years-of-age, give or take a year. This guy had his body half way out of the window with his hands in the air, signaling that he wanted to fight. I just ignored him and kept driving. The guys then started to spit. One piece of spit hit my windshield. I got really "pissed off". I could feel my heart racing even faster, plus I remember that my leg was shaking and I always grip the steering wheel tightly when I am agitated. I stared at the guy in the passenger window for a while. I was swearing like a sailor. I even got to the point where I raised my left hand signaling that I do not know what the problem was, which infuriated them. They kept harassing me all the way to the Ka Uka cutoff. Here is where the rage took a turn. I was about 100 yards away from the Ka Uka cutoff, when I exposed my middle finger and revealed to them the once thought of as dormant, bird of anger. The guy in the passenger seat was now yelling. I was kind of laughing a little, but it was a sadistic laughing. They type of laughing you do when you are fed up with someone and about to do something "inhumane" about it. I smiled like the cynical champion that I am, because I had a plan. Right when we just about to pass the Ka Uka cutoff, I pulled the wheel to the right, after checking my blind spot subtly, and merged a little past the cutoff, but not in any way to put me in danger. Since they were on my left, they were unable to make the off ramp. I looked at them as I proceeded to go up the off ramp. When I made the turn, the guy did what he could to slow, but since there was no traffic, he could not stop. I saw the cars brake lights come on for a bit, but then they went off, and the car sped away. The final score; FeSter- 1, Punks- a big fat 0. There was a lot of victory dancing I tell you till I told my girlfriend about it. But that's another story in itself.
Episode 3
Episode three happened while I was at home on Maui this past Christmas break. I have a dog named Beavis. He used to be very obedient, but since I have not been home for a long stint in about 6 years, he has forgotten the relationship that we had previously. He used to heel, sit, and listen to me all the time. When I tell him to do things, he just looks at me funny, but when my father tells him these things, he responds post-haste. Anyway, I was playing with the other dog, Toby, in the yard when I noticed that Beavis was running around with something in his mouth. I noticed that he has my wallet, which I put on this table that we have in the yard. He was shaking his head and trying to rip it to shreds. I yelled, "Beavis, Stop!" I ran towards him and he ran away from me. I tell one thing, this dog can move. He is a medium-sized mutt with a set of jet engines attached to his body. My money and cards were coming out of the wallet and the other dog, Toby, started munching on my cards and money. He too thought that I was playing a game with him. I stopped to gather my money and cards when I saw that Beavis was starting to bury my wallet. I was so angry at this point. I swear if I could have caught Beavis, I probably would have spanked him! I was cussing as usual when I get mad. I ran towards Beavis and he picked up the wallet and we were off to the races again. It took me like 10 more minutes to get to him. I was able to catch him, because I turned on the dreaded water hose, and I proceeded to soak his keister. He dropped the wallet, and I retrieved it finally. After I picked it up, I soaked the dog for another 5-10 minutes with high pressure water. My wallet was literally ruined. I was super pissed, because my girlfriend had just got me this expensive wallet in October for my birthday. Some money was obliterated and my cards... well, some of them had to be replaced because of the teeth marks. My dad was mad at me for swearing at the top of my lungs in the yard and for soaking Beavis. In fact, he lectured me for a little, which only fueled the fire. All I have to say is that I got revenge for what was done. Who's the one laughing now Beavis?! Huh?! Huh?!
Peering Into the Eyes of Recklessness (Discussion)
Episode 1- On-Call Nightmare
One cannot predict the kind of things that can happen while holding a position as a Resident Advisor. I for one thought that my laid-back style of approach would win over the residents and make my life that much more easy. I was right to believe this in many respects, but there are those situations where alcohol and bad attitudes make people forget where they are and who they have to listen to. This situation illustrates how peoples attitude changes when they are with a lot of other people consuming alcohol. The resident that had all the guests over is usually a really nice guy, but alcohol and the number of people he had as guests, changed his attitude and peaceful demeanor in a second. Although I could go on and on about the resident, I will discuss the way in which I acted and displayed rage behaviors.
Step 1: Acknowledge
First, I was already in a bad mood so-to-speak because of the female resident that misplaced her keys. Although this might have not been on my mind as I approached the 12th floor situation, I am sure it had some effect on my attitude. I could have approached the situation on the 12th better in many ways. When we were trained, we were told that when we approach situations, we have to maintain a non-hostile demeanor. This was not so in my case. I pulled the resident aside and lectured him in a hostile manner. I could have came off as being warden-like and too mean. This would in turn, fill the resident with resentment and anger. The resident is a freshman, and he probably doesn't appreciate being talked down to. We were already off to a terrible start.
Next, I should not have stared down the guest, because he was staring at me. If it weren't for the gal who pulled him away, something would definitely have started and someone could have gotten hurt (myself included). Staring down people and speaking with hostility are not healthy things to do. I should have acknowledged that I was beginning to display rage behaviors. This was were I should have just stepped back and thought of what and how I was addressing the situation, because this was when I was starting to display rage behaviors such as speaking with hostility, staring at people, yanking drinks forcefully from guests, swearing, etc.
Step 2: Witness
My overt sensorimotor behavior that I was displaying was that I was speaking harshly, I stared at people, my stance was probably in a very irritable defensive stance, I could have distanced my speaking distance from the resident and his guests, and I could have maintained a positive rapport. My facial expression and tone of voice would have made any person think that I was an "ass*&^%". My established demeanor for the night even carried over, even worse than a few hours ago, to the female resident who called me at 5am. What made it worse was that I saw that she was not a threat, so I came down on her harder than I should have.
When I was talking to the gal who lost her keys earlier, I was thinking all kinds of thoughts. I was calling her stupid amongst other profanities that my mind could concoct at that time. When I was speaking with the people on the 12th floor, all I was thinking was that these people had no respect for me and that they were all idiots. I was also swearing at them in my mind with a stream of vulgarity that would make my mommy quiver in disgust and shock. What I was thinking, vulgarity-wise, even surfaced beyond my conscious thought and peeped out of my mouth.
My affective behavior was the product of all that happened. A lot could have been prevented had I took a different approach. All the thoughts and feelings that flowed through my mind was a little overwhelming for me to handle. It made me feel like seriously "kicking some ass". I was in the zone so-to-speak with busting people. My feelings put me in a frame of mind to discipline beyond what I actually really needed to. I just wanted to bust people who paged me after that. This was evident in my room, because my thoughts and previous actions got the best of me. I hit things and I paced around for a good amount of time.
Step 3: Modify
Modifying my behavior has already taken place. After that night, I seriously thought about what I needed to do to change my behavior if ever confronted with a situation like that again. As a matter of fact, I knew from that time that I would encounter more of these situations throughout the semester. In reality, I took the same steps as listed in the modify section of the Three Step Method. The next time I approached a situation like that, I was more positive in terms of how I displayed myself. I spoke stern, but in a non-hostile way, I did not get mad when I was met with disrespect, and I asked the resident and their guests nicely to leave. What I also did was to explain the situation to everyone (it was more or less the same situation as the one on the 12th), and why it was that they all had to leave. I also apologized to them, but I also said that I just had to do my job, and that I have nothing against anyone present. I let them know that it was the situation that governed my actions. By doing this, I was still met with a little hostility, but I read it more as disappointment. This allowed me to maintain a friendly yet authoritative perspective. I always thank the resident and guests for complying when I leave. Speaking professionally and in a non-hostile way is the key to succeeding in this job and I know that I have mastered this, because I was recently re-appointed as a Hall Director for the Fall 01' semester. The way you present yourself in any situation is the key to establishing a positive communication link.
Episode 2: Catharsis on Wheels
I am a confessed ex-aggressive driver. Up until when my girlfriend got into an accident a few weeks ago, I knew that I had bad driving habits, but I never seriously thought about taking control of it and changing it. When the accident occurred, I felt that I needed to change now, so that I would not jeopardize the life of another person or my own for that matter. It is too bad that I did not have this attitude when Episode 2 took place. What people do not realize on the road is that people make mistakes, and they do not do these things to spite other drivers. This is key to driving safely on the road. That and of course abiding to all traffic laws. Again, I was provoked into displaying rage behaviors when I could have just ignored the other person/s that were involved. Again, I will be focusing on the different aspects of my behavior that could have prevented something bad that could have happened. Here's the breakdown of the Psyche of FeSter.
Step 1: Acknowledge
Acknowledging the fact that rage behaviors are happening is always the first step. I maintained a good attitude although they were constantly tormenting me. Even after constantly "calling me out" to fight, still I displayed no anger towards them. It was only after they started spitting at me when my first act of rage surfaced. The first thing that I did was that I made eye contact with the persons in the other car. Very bad. I even swore at them and "egged" them on. I even raised my arm and questioned what they were doing. Come to think of it... If someone did that to me, I would take it as a hostile gesture. It probably looked like I was signaling them to fight. If I had just realized what I was doing, I could have stopped my further actions right there and stopped any further rage-type behaviors. Not showing the bird would have been the right thing to do also.
Step 2: Witness
In this situation, not showing any type of visible sensorimotor actions would have been the right thing to do. Not making eye contact is one of the important things. In the book by Dr. Leon James and Dr. Diane Nahl, Road Rage and Aggressive Driving: Steering Clear of Highway Warfare, it is stated on page 81 on the Checklist: Your Range of Hostility, that "giving another driver the "sink eye" to show your disapproval" is one of the things that are seen as aggressive and/or hostile. I did this of course. Making any type of eye contact can be seen as giving the other person the "stink eye". After I displayed my disapproval, all of my actions where of instinct and damn near impossible to control.
My thoughts went wild and it controlled my actions. I swore aloud and in my mind constantly after they started spitting. It is really scary to see myself in these kinds of predicaments. I am not this kind of person normally, but I guess I have not been in any type of situation like this before. Wow is all I can say at how I acted. I was thinking that I wanted to "kill" these idiots, beat them up, and just about anything that would cause bodily harm or injury to them. Scary.
If you could not tell, I was infuriated by my thoughts and the situation itself. They made me feel very angry and hostile. It made me want to "get down" so-to-speak. It also frightened me at the same time. My thoughts and actions were very unpleasant... as is anything that would cause a person to become angry.
Step 3: Modify
What I need to do to modify these behaviors is to just ignore the other person and to maintain a positive frame-of-mind like I did when they were harassing me early in the incident. This is the main thing. Not making eye contact is one of the most important things to do also. Acknowledging that I made a mistake is also important. I knew that it was my fault for just switching lanes abruptly, and I said sorry and showed the "shaka" sign. This did not help with this particular group of fellas, but it is always good to do so anyway. Also, I can control what I am thinking. Rationalizing what the other person might be thinking is always good. Just looking at why your actions might have caused the other person to feel resentment or hostility helps to clear up what actually happened. Not blaming the other person and realizing that people interpret actions differently also helps too. Driving is very fast-paced, so it is important to maintain a positive frame-of-mind and to not display any type of visible "hostile" behavior. I have not encountered any other driving incidents as bad as Episode 2 since, so I have not been able to curb or modify my behavior under these circumstances. I am a better driver now though. Ever since my girlfriends accident, I have become a very good driver though. I abide by all rules and I travel under, if not at, the speed limit.
Episode 3: The Naughty Dog
I decided to talk about the situation with my dog, because the situation itself should not have brought about the kind of behavior that I exhibited. The situation is actually pretty silly to tell you the truth. As to a discussion about the social interaction between man and dog, I have none. It is was just such a random situation that occurred one morning. There are a couple of rules that I have learned when dealing with dogs. They are 1) Don't play with a dog when they are REALLY into eating their food, 2) You can only shake a dogs head too much before he gets angry and snaps at you, 3) Don't stare at a dog, 4) Don't run from the drooling/growling/barking Doberman Pincher that is standing right in front of you, and most importantly 5) Never chase a dog that has something of yours in his mouth because he'll think that you're playing with him. I fell victim to my own dog on rule number 5.
Step 1: Acknowledge
First of all, the situation in itself should have made me acknowledge the fact that I was acting like a baby. I should have known that by chasing Beavis when he had my wallet would only make him run away from me. The fact that I was getting really angry by the fact that my dog was playing around with me is absolutely SILLY. Next time I am in a random situation such as this, I definitely need to look at what I am getting angry at and to just basically assess the situation at hand better. In the case of the Naughty Dog I should have not chased him and got frustrated. I should have went directly for the hose and gave him a "hosedown" like Beavis could never have imagined. An animal cannot express his feelings to you. It is very non-productive to get angry at something that is totally oblivious of the situation itself. I should be ashamed of myself for cussing as loudly at my own pet like I did
Step 2: Witness
The only visible sensorimotor behaviors that the other party involved in the situation (Beavis) could read was that I was chasing him. Beavis's normal reaction would be to run. Not chasing Beavis would have remedied this situation easily. I know for a fact that Beavis is very submissive when you motion to shoot him down with the garden hose. That should have been the path that I should have taken. Instead, I became very irritated and irrational which caused me to chase and swear at my own pet. Dealing with pets is sensitive stuff. Pets only know so much.
My thoughts are basically what controlled my actions. I wanted to seriously spank the hell out of Beavis. It was the fact that I seen my personal effects being scattered all over the yard. It was my thoughts combined with the fact that my wallet and its content were being thrown about, that made me react the way I did. Swearing is a re-occurring theme when I describe my rage behaviors. As always when I get mad, I swear like sailor. It is my gut reaction that is hard-wired in my psyche. The "mouth" is the first thing to react to any annoying situation that I experience. It is not always that my bad mouth slips past the unconscious and makes itself known.
Just as in the other "irritating" situations above, my thoughts and emotions made me feel very agitated and irritable. It was so easy for my personality to go downhill once I have been mad for some time. I become very uncomfortable and unless there is a remedy to the problem at hand, I usually get worse and worse. I don't think right when I get angry.
Step 3: Modify
I overact most of the time when a situation becomes worse and worse. The thing I have to do the most to modify my behavior is to better look at the consequences of my actions. Basically, I have to become better at analyzing the situation better. I should not have chased Beavis, because a pet's (my dog for example) natural reaction is to run when being chased. Learning to curb my swearing is another thing that I have to consider in order to help to control my rage behavior. It seems like the right or natural reaction to cuss at the situation that is irritating you. I learned in many cases that it is never the right thing to do whenever there is an interaction between people that is based on some kind of negative circumstance.
Any comments and