SELF-WITNESSING REPORT ON THE AGE OF RAGE
A Modern Day Virus Within a Modern Day Society
By Nick Dvonch 03MAY01
Introduction:
In this day and age rage is everywhere. It seems like no matter where you are it exists, spreading like a virus through our society. I use the term virus because this rage can be stopped, but it has to begin with the individual. From Report 1 it is very evident that rage takes many forms, whether it be on air, land or sea. Just traveling to another country or state on an airplane can now be hazardous. Boating “accidents” are abound, but were these accidents due to true miscalculations, or malicious plans that went to far? Clearly, rage has seeped into other aspects of our society besides the now famous road wars. From the bibliography provided on Report 1 it is possible see many different aspects of rage, clearly the road is only the most visible part of a larger problem. The following three self-witnessed reports are examples of this in my life.
I choose this episode because I had a bit of insight as to what caused the rage in me and why I should be more tolerant of others. In this episode, like the other two I used the three step method developed by Dr. Driving especially for road rage. Some of the difficulties of writing about this is that it is rather old (more than a month). Most of what I am writing is taken from a written log, and the emotions tied to this situation have long ago faded.
This episode occurred down at ROTC, a place where I frequent. I’m in charge of all training, so many times I have bouts of rage due to miscommunication and such. In once instance a fellow cadet was not following what was supposed to be happening. Instead of starting a road march with water this cadet decided to walk 8 miles with empty canteens. I was so mad because if anything happened to that cadet the blame would fall on me. By the time I caught her with no water we were already a mile into the road march. The rage was everywhere. I snapped and started staring at her and then yelling telling her what an idiotic thing she did. I had told the people in charge of her more than once to check for water and they had failed me. How could they do that? Why weren’t people listening to something that was obviously important?
It was then I realized that I was having a rage episode and first of all broke contact with the victim of my rage. Next I realized that I would be what would be considered “in someone else’s face.” I noticed that my voice was of course load and vengeful, like this person really deserved what they were getting. I definitely think that I could have handled the situation better.
Acknowledge:
I acknowledge that sometimes I have no control over my emotions if someone pushes my buttons. I realize that rage can come and go in an instant. It can come so fast that I may not even realize it’s happening until after. I acknowledge that I need to work on controlling my emotions. I realize that people can not always read my mind, and that they are people and not little robots for me to boss around.
Witness:
I noticed the increase in my heart rate, along with my voice. There was a visible change in how close I was to the individual physically, and the verbiage I used with that individual. My emotions were out of control for a small amount of time. Because I’m in charge, no one could stop me and I could do what I wanted. The power was overwhelming because I had to produce to maintain that power. Sometimes it feels like the quickest way to do that is almost by force.
Modify:
I realize that other people are just that people and should be treated as such. Therefore I will make a conscious effort to quell my emotions in front of people. I will no longer raise my voice, but ask another person around me to do that. I will try and maintain a comfortable amount of space between me and the other individuals. If this happens again I will go through the same process of acknowledging, witnessing, and modifying.
Episode 2
My next episode occurred on the phone. I received a call from a person and then I realized they were trying to offer my a credit card. Now any person who has received a call like this knows that they will not hang up or say bye and will often times continue talking until you hang up. This was not the first time I’ve received this kind of call and this time I was really annoyed. The person gave their usual speech and at first I told them no thank you and then no thank you again and final I told them something that was not very nice and then hung-up. My rage was boiling over. I was thinking “how could someone call and invade my house and take up my time to try to get me to sign up for a stupid credit card.” I was actually wondering if I could hit the call-back button and get the company back on the line to complain. Hmm….sounds familiar to another kind of rage: following someone to teach them a lesson. Ok, so I’ve been trying to calm my rage with these calls, but it is hard because you can not stop or get away from the source. You can’t tell the person on the other line to stop, they just keep on talking and that is the worst part. My solution: Caller ID.
Acknowledge:
I realize that like Episode 1 when people push my buttons that is when I lose control. I acknowledge that I need to go through the process of acknowledging, witnessing and modifying again because of my rage. I acknowledge that other people have to do their jobs and that I should not get angry over it. I acknowledge that having a rage-full episode does not help anybody and likewise is no help to me.
Witness:
Utter despair, that is what I felt. I thought that someone else was going to be on the other line, and was looking forward to that. I felt cheated, like I shouldn’t have to waste my time with stupid aspects of life. I wanted to shout into the phone, to yell and tell the individual on the other end to shut-up and have the common decency to not bother people. I was thinking that either I was going to yell at her or just hang-up the phone. I hung up the phone.
Modify:
I need to realize that we all need jobs in this world. The person on the other end was just doing their job. I wonder what would happen if I had stayed on the line and patiently said no thank you? Would she eventually give up? I need to be more accepting and try to work things out on the phone. Perhaps I could avoid this kind of episode all together if I just get caller ID. That would solve most of the problems because I wouldn’t have to accept calls if I didn’t want to. I could always let the answering machine answer it. If the call is truly important then he or she will leave a message.
Episode 3
Hey, this one just occurred. I’m at my parent’s house because of Spring Break and my brother is on the computer just talking to people on-line. The thing is I want to use the computer for homework, but he will not get off. I’m not talking about he was just on for 5 minutes. I’m talking about he has been on for 4 hours and plans to be on for 4 more. Ugh. For this, like the other episodes I used the 3-step method which consisted of acknowledging, witnessing and modifying. I think that the most obvious aspect of my observations that could be skewed is that they are mine. There is no doubt that my observations are somewhat bias, but I think I was able to minimize this because of my awareness of the situation. The rage probably became visible when I expressed my stance on the situation to my brother. I would say if it wasn’t kin I was yelling at I would consider this pretty extreme. It did not come to blows, but we were pretty damn close.
Acknowledge:
I realize that I have a problem and that I’m not the only person in the world. My brother has a right to the computer as well. I should be happy to let him play on the computer for a certain amount of time. At no time should rage overcome me as it did just then. I need to examine this rage and find a way to cut it out of my life. As seen above my brother took great care to push all my buttons and make sure I was annoyed if only because of his lack of dialogue. The fact that he 1) did not negotiate and 2) added in that I was no longer part of the household added insult to injury. The assumption that I would actually get somewhere by persisting to talk with him was my greatest mistake.
Witness: The following was a small sample of the “active” discussion:
Me: Can I use the computer?
Brother: No.
Me: Come on, I need it for Homework.
Brother: Um, No. (in a sarcastic voice)
Me: Ok, so your just going to play video games while I have to actually do work?
Brother: Yep.
Me: Well, when can I have the computer?
Brother: When I’m done
Me: When’s that?
Brother: Seven hours.
Me: What? What the hell are you going to do for seven hours?
Brother: Stuff.
Me: I’m using the computer in an hour.
Brother: You don’t even live here anymore, what makes you think that you can use our stuff.
Me: Well I’m here now and I’m going to use the computer in an hour.
Brother: Whatever, you can try.
Covertly, my feelings were that of anger. I felt that if I stayed on the computer for seven hours that would show him! I felt we are both adults why is he acting like this? Why are we both acting like children. Anger came out in the form of verbal abuse and I felt like I wanted to hit him.
Modify:
Obviously the boy wasn’t actually planning to be on the computer for seven hours, so I could have guessed that he’d be off in an hour or two. So instead of demanding that he be off, I could have just waited and see if he really was going to use the computer for that long. I think that if I implement this, next time I have a better chance of getting the computer, but moreover will not have a “rage” episode. I think that in these kinds of situations I need to simply walk away. I should just be aware that my brother was on the computer first and he has a right to stay there if he wants to. He does live in this house and I don’t so I need to be prepared to use other means to get the job done if need-be. I must control my anger by doing something productive in the mean time. I should be able to readjust my schedule depending on what resources I have available to me. If I can do this and implement the three step plan I should be alright.
The operational definition for rage in each of the above episodes is as follows: “an extreme state of anger that often precipitates aggressive behavior, sometimes restricted to words and gestures, sometimes as assault and battery.” (James, 22). Using this definition we can conclude that rage is basically anger, an emotion that is out of control. In a world that seems to move faster than it is possible to catch up, it seems that a quick response is the only response. As one of my friends once told me, there are two kinds of people in this world: the quick and the dead. Therefore it is no surprise that if someone is imposing on another’s “right” to get somewhere, as in a car, or to accomplish a given task the result will be quick and harsh. As noted by Dr. James, aggression and violent behavior can be attributed to a number of motives to include “greed, jealousy, hate, anger, revenge, need for status, need for acceptance, lust of control” (James, 30) and many others. We intensify focus of certain stimuli and reduce the intake of others. The awareness of our surroundings becomes blurred, and as we can see from a student’s report (Kim’s report on driving the speed limit), when we become aware of what we are doing a more rational person emerges. In Kim’s case her speeds following her intervention decreased noticeably. This is only one instance in which self-witnessing has been key to changing how a person fundamentally thinks. Witnessing an act has to be by the self for one important reason: the aspects of rage that must be observed are covert. That is, the person who is having the rage episode must be the one to observe the rage because it is the emotions of the instant which must be examined. Dr. James states “…no measuring instrument can detect what’s going on in our thoughts and feelings, yet they determine our overt actions.” (137). Of course it must be stated, as it was stated in Dr. James book Road Rage and Aggressive Driving that this is a life long process, and can not end with a simple self-witnessing report any more than a wave of the hand.
So the question becomes, how do we motivate people to do this? Psychologist state that there are two different types of motivation, intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is “motivation for its own sake in the absence of external rewards or pressures.” (Auweele, 12). I think that one of the most important reason people don’t try to curb rage is that they don’t want to in their minds. We see external motivators, such as people getting killed, fights etc. But, we never believe that we will be the ones to experience the unpleasant side of road rage, thus, the need to observe. We have to observe because our memory is such that most people don’t even remember the ride ten minutes after it happens. We have to want to remember and fight what we have come to know as “proper driving.”
1. Auweele, Y.V., (1999) Psychology for physical educators, Champaign IL: Edward Brothers.
2. James, L. & Nahl, (2000) Road Rage and Aggressive Driving: Steering Clear of Highway Warfare,
New York: Prometheus Books
3. Kim, Michelle My
self witnessing report on driving over the speed limit.
WWW: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/459f96/cmachida/psy499/paper5.html
Links
Visit my first report on different kinds of rage!