Self-witnessing Report on the Age of Rage

Self-witnessing Observations

by Gerald L. Lacambra

1. How did you decide what to report on?

I chose to report on pedestrian rage because it happens frequently to me, albeit not quite as intense as other rage events that I have experienced. I chose to report on neighbor rage because my neighbors' animals irritate me. My episode of bus rage was just to strange to pass up the opportunity to chronicle it in some way.

What methods did you use?

I used Dr. Driving's Threestep Method, which focuses on the threefold self: cognitive, sensorimotor, and affective sides of the self.

What difficulties were there and how reliable are the observations (what errors may there be)?

One difficulty is that you cannot be certain of the other person's intentions. However, when gathering information on the spot and making observations, you must surmise at the other person's motives and thoughts.

Also there is a tendency to exaggerate the triggering event and understate the reaction. Naturally, we cannot see our physical appearance. We might view our reaction as calm and collected, but others may more accurately notice a slight flush in our appearance or a wrinkle in the forehead that we, ourselves, have little to no chance of knowing.

Furthermore, the triggering event may be prolonged in our view, while it may have actually been only for a brief moment.

What were the observations: Where? When? What? Who?

Pavement Rage:

Thursday, March 22, 2001. I see a group of teenagers walking fifty yards ahead of me. I amble along at my normal walking pace. Soon after I'm right behind them. There are four of them, three guys and one girl. They walk slowly and take up the whole sidewalk. The street is being heavily used, so I cannot walk there and cut ahead of them. The time is around 11:30am. We are walking down Houghtailing Street, which is right next to Farrington High School, probably where they should have been at the time. I waited and squeezed through suddenly with an insincere, excuse me.

Sensorimotor:

I force myself to walk normal and not at a rushed pace, yet I still managed to catch up and be blocked by the slow walkers. Sweat begins to form on my forehead, although my physical effort actually has slowed dramatically. When, I get behind them, I walk to the left and right, but find no room. I find myself making noise with each step, trying to gain their attention. I grip the strap of my bag tightly and notice that I am biting my bottom lip in frustration.

Cognitive:

I wonder why are these kids not in school? Why cannot they walk faster after all they are eight years younger than me? Why do they block the whole sidewalk? Why do not they notice me and let me pass? It would only take a second. I am going to miss my bus. These stupid kids playing hooky are going to make me miss my bus. I wished that I could teleport to the bus stop.

Affective:

I feel angry at their inconsiderate walking pace and the fact that they used the entire sidewalk. I feel frustrated that I could not find a way to squeeze through.

Neighbor Rage:

Saturday, March 24, 2001. The neighbor's roosters wake up at 4:30am. The roosters continue to cause a racket. After four to five minutes, their dogs begin to join the roosters. Sometime in between, the other neighbor on the other side allows their chicken to join the party. I cannot go to sleep and it is a Saturday. This sequence of events has been happening frequently since three weeks ago, when they injected steroids in those beasts or something. I then give up and start my day earlier than I planned.

Sensorimotor:

I toss and turn in bed. I pound my pillow and slam my bedroom window shut. I have an angry face on. My eyes are already wide open. Waking up has alerted me to the fact that it is a little hot in my room. Sweat forms on my forehead. My shoulders tense up.

Cognitive:

I wonder why the neighbors need chickens. This is not a farm, Kalihi is not a rural area. I think about calling the Department of Health and complaining about pests in the neighborhood. I wonder if the chickens know what time it is. I think weird thoughts. The chickens and dogs are hungry. They are having a party, an animal party. The neighbors are cruel, why cannot they hear their own chickens?

Affective:

I feel angry and sleepy. I feel irritated. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do.

Bus Rage:

Thursday, April 12, 2001. I'm on the city express bus, headed home. It's around 5 p.m. and I am sitting next to the window. The seat is a regular two-seater bus seat. I am on the left side next to the window, with my bag on my lap, leaving space for someone to sit down. A guy sits down next to me. He is a large guy with an obvious smell of smoke and alcohol on his clothes and breath. His right hand grips the seat before our seat for support. He falls asleep within two bus stops. Initially he nods in and out of his nap, but eventually drops into a deep sleep. When my bus stop nears, I stand up, notice that his hand is still grasping the seat in front effectively blocking my way, and so I tap him on the shoulder to wake him. It takes me a couple of tries to wake him. When he opens his eyes, I immediately say, "excuse me, sir, this is my stop." I have a habit of calling strangers "sir" and "miss," so I was not being a wise guy. Surprisingly, he answers, "no" and shakes his head. Puzzled, I reply, "yes, it is." He responds again by shaking his head and saying "no." In the midst of this exchange, the bus has stopped and people have boarded and left, but I am looking like an idiot standing up and talking to a stranger. Finally, after his third refusal, he shocks me by moving out of the way and letting me go. I reach the back door of the bus in time, but as I walk home pondering the strange exchange.

Sensorimotor:

I stand up and tap the guy on the shoulder. My tone of voice turns from indifference to boldness. A confused and frustrated demeanor forms on my face as I confront the guy. When he allows me space, I bolt for the door in a hurry and also for my show of frustration.

Cognitive:

I notice that his arm is blocking my way. I wonder if I am ever going to wake him up. I wonder how much alcohol did he drink. I wonder what did he drink and why so early in the day. When he refuses to allow me space, I think why. This guy does not know which bus stop is mine, so why does he think that he does? I know that the bus is going to move on any moment. My mind is occupied by the thought that I am going to miss my stop. I label the guy as a drunk. I want to push him out of the way, but I know that he is larger than me and also given his intoxicated state, any provocation will lead to violence.

Affective

I feel confused and angry at the same time. Frustration, anxiety over the possibly missing my stop, both hit me.

When did rage become visible? How was it manifested? How serious or intense was it?

Pavement Rage:

I could see my rage forming when I noticed the group of four slowly walking fifty yards ahead of me. I really recognized and acknowledged my rage when I was directly behind them with no way to pass. The rage manifested itself into reactions dealing with the threefold self above.

The event was pretty intense for my reserved, quiet, introverted ways.

Neighbor Rage:

I could see my rage instantly when I woke up. I am not a wake up 4:30am bright and early kind of person. I like to have my sleep and remember my dreams. That cannot happen by waking early. But, it is not that intense. I did not have the energy to make it intense. Also, I have been getting accustomed to the stupid chickens.

Bus Rage:

I could see my rage welling up when I noticed that was blocked by his arm. I knew that I had to wake the guy, and I already recognized the hint of alcohol. His refusal to get out of the way, only triggered my rage. My rage was already present. Although my rage was obvious, it was mitigated a little by my confusion. My rage, therefore, was less intense than what it could have been.

What was the context leading up to it and how often did it happen?

Pavement Rage:

I was already a bit late. I usually leave for places early. However, I was either a little late or right on time with no room to dawdle that day. I also had a very important task to do prior to attending my class. So I was already on edge with a bit of stress. In addition, this semester has been extremely difficult for me, further placing on unstable ground from the start. I do not usually encounter pavement rage because I usually can get around any slow walker. However, pavement rage happens to me every now and then.

Neighbor Rage:

The week had ended, and I was tired. I needed and wanted my rest. I went to bed at the same time that I usually do, so that was not a factor. Neighbor rage due to noisy animals has been occurring regularly with me. Therefore, I was accustomed to the annoyance.

Bus Rage:

It was the end of the day. The ending of the day for me is around 5 p.m. I was tired, and a little irritated. I had an appointment to meet with my editor for the school newspaper. Unfortunately when I went to the office, no one was there. As it turns out, there was a huge joint UHPA and HSTA rally at the state capitol. Everyone was probably there. Being only a "contributing writer," I am out of loop. They do not even bother to leave a message for me at the reception desk. Therefore, I was keyed up a little. To be honest, I did not actually care, because I was looking forward to the Easter weekend, but maybe subconsciously, I was irked.

Why is it showing up at that moment? What keeps it up (assumptions, expectations)?

Pavement Rage:

The assumption that the group of kids could easily walk at a faster pace or at least a normal one. The assumption that I can walk faster and get to my destination quicker if the group of slow walkers were not in front of me. Also, my inconsideration toward other people help to keep my rage going. I expect people to be in a hurry like I am.

Neighbor Rage

I expect to have neighbors who are kind and helpful, like Mr. Rogers. I do not expect my neighbors to be Old McDonald mixed with cujo. Also, I assume that my neighbors have complete control over their chickens and dogs, which may not always be the case. Furthermore, just because the neighbors let the chickens and dogs create a disturbance, does not mean that they want the animals to do so.

Bus Rage:

The possibility that I might miss my stop and be forced to walk an extra ten or so minutes. The bus was a city express, so it does not stop at every stop. Hence, missing a stop would entail walking four or five blocks more. Also, I assumed that the guy was under the influence of alcohol, and irresponsible. I had a picture of the guy in my mind as an alcoholic and angry, disrespectful, malcontent.

What recovery possibilities are there? How could you modify this reaction pattern?

Pavement Rage:

I could have relaxed my body and stop to smell the roses. I could have just focused on the day ahead, since I had a lot to think about. Thinking about my tasks ahead would have deterred me from thinking bad thoughts about the people walking ahead of me. I also could have say to myself, there is nothing I can do and smile. In addition, I could have chose to stay still for a while and create more distance between the group ahead and myself. This delay would have relaxed me and also force me to slow down.

Neighbor Rage:

I eventually chose a good route in my bout with neighbor rage. I chose to move on with my day and begin early when I could not fall asleep again.

Bus Rage:

I could have just relaxed. So what if I missed my bus stop? I could walk the extra distance, it does not really matter much in hindsight. I should have woke him up earlier, so I had some buffer time to get ready for my stop. When I noticed some alcohol on his breath, I should have excused myself and moved to another seat. I could have used a friendly tone of voice to ease the confrontation. I should not have assumed anything about the guy, and let any thoughts hinder me from being polite.