Report 2:

My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage

By:  Shari Arakawa-Longboy

Instructions for this report 

Question 2:

Contrast the three views of gender relationships expressed by Deborah Tannen in Gender Issues, Laura Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and Leon James in The Doctrine of the Wife. Give a summary of your analysis by creating a chart or table that shows the differences between them in a systematic way. Give your opinion on the elements or entries in your chart. How do your own views compare to what’s in the chart? How are your ideas influenced by these three different perspectives on marriage?

There are three different models in which gender relationships can take place:  Dominance Model, Equity Model, and Unity Model.  Within each model, there are three different levels, with the lowest level being sensorimotor, then cognitive, and the highest level being affective.  The Dominance Model is the lowest model in which couples only connect with each other on the sensorimotor level.  This means that the couple  only gets along doing physical things with each other.  

The Dominance Model is reflected by the work of Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  According to Schlessinger, it is the woman who needs to be the submissive one in the relationship.  The woman is supposed to mold herself accordingly to the man.  The dominance model is in compliance with societal norms, whereby male dominance is seen as normal or even as "good."

The next model is the equity model, which is reflected most closely by the work of Deborah Tannen. Couples in the equity model connect with each other on a cognitive and sensorimotor level.  This means that the couple not only gets along doing activities together, but also is in compliance with the way each other thinks.  In this model, it is both the female and the male who makes decisions and they are able to resolve difference between each other so that both can feel comfortable.  

 Couples that are in the equity model, share everything equally - decisions, chores, and responsibilities.   According to Deborah Tannen, a person can tell a lot by studying the way males and females talk to each other.  Tannen takes more of an objective approach to gender relationships.  In her book Gender and Discourse, Tannen shows that the individuals' style of communicating results in a balance of power.  

The highest model is known as the Unity Model.  The Unity Model is reflected by the work on Dr. Leon James.  It is in the unity model that couples are connected on all three levels - the sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective model.  It is the affective level that allows the couple to be in complete unity with each other.  According to Dr. James, it is the woman who instinctively and biologically craves for this unity - therefore, it is up to the man to complete the unity.  

In this model, the man must willingly internalize the wife's feelings and emotions.  Until the husband is able to do this, he is considered a "half-self."  According to Dr. James, the husband and wife together make one human being. The husband must become spiritually enlightened and must be willing to let go of himself to become conjoint with his wife.  From this point on, the husband is no longer "independent" - whatever he does or thinks, he must first consult with his wife.

Below is a chart that very briefly organizes and summarizes the three levels and the models models.  You can think of this as a simplified version of what is found in The Doctrine of The Wife.

In my opinion, it is very helpful to have these models.  I have never thought about breaking down the components of gender relationships and analyzing them.  But after doing this exercise, I see that it can be very helpful to find out what area needs to be worked on in a relationship.  Before doing this exercise, I used to think that all couples strive for equity.  I did not know that it went beyond the equity model.  The unity model is like a step further - the "ultimate."  After putting this chart together, I have a better understanding of how these models work.  

I think it is very true how in each model, couples connect at a different level.  However, I am not sure if I fully agree with the Unity Model.  I do not think that it is entirely up to the man.  In my opinion, both the husband and wife both need to strive to be in unity.  The woman cannot just lay back and let the man do all of the work.  The wife needs to be supportive and willing to allow the transformation to happen.  The wife would probably have to make some changes on her own as well.

These three perspectives on marriage has definitely given me something to work for.  I want to have a healthy marriage and now I have a better understanding of how to get there.  When I analyze my own marriage, I can now see that my husband and I are not in total unity.  The three perspectives on marriage has allowed me to be able to break down the three levels and to see which level it is that my marriage needs help in.  Answering this question has definitely impacted my relationships!!

Question 5:

Select six student reports on marriage from Generation 20, as listed in the Readings section of the Lecture Notes. You must select any two students from Report 1, any two from Report 2, and any two from Report 3. Summarize each of the six reports. Be sure to put a link to the students' reports. Add a General Conclusion Section in which you discuss your reactions to what they did – (a) their ideas, (b) their method, (c) their explanations. What did they gain from doing their reports? How do their ideas influence what you yourself think about these issues?

Article #1:  Annotated Bibliography written by:   Ann

Summary of Ann's report 1:

In report of 1 of generation 20, Ann first talks about three different reports from prior generations that she found interesting.  These articles can be found in the preface of her article.  The first article that she chose was written by Bridget Antonio from generation 16.  The focus of this article is about the three-fold self and the four components of behavior.  The three-fold self are the three domains of each behavior which is inclusive of an affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor self.  According to Ann, the four components of each behavior are cognitive appraisal, behavioral routines, emotional intelligence, and cognitive scripts.  For more information on this, please click on the above link.

For Ann's second article, she chose an article written by Special K from generation 17.  According to Ann, this article highlighted violence and rage against women.  She also comments that the author of this article felt that no matter where you are or where live, acts of violence and rage will always exist.

For Ann's third article, she chose an article written by Silver Fox from generation 15.  According to Ann, Silver Fox wrote about the three-fold self.  She notes a distinction that Silver Fox tried to make about concluding that one's character is one's personality when in fact, there are many types of influences that should be considered before drawing this conclusion.  For more information on this, click here.

The second part of Ann's article consists of an introduction.  In the introduction, Ann introduces the topic of gender unity and briefly explains the three-fold self.  The third part of Ann's article is the main focus of report one: " The Annotated Bibliography on Gender Unity."  Within this section, Ann picked three points of ten different articles.  The various topics of each article are as follows:  The Essential Feminine, The enjoyment of sexist humor, rape, attitudes, and the relationship aggression in college students, Doctrine of the Wife, Feminine Wisdom, Rage-Depression Survey Results, Gender Differences in driving norms, Gender differences in Driving,  Applied Psycholinguistics in Social Psychology, and The Threefold Self.  For more information on this section, please click here.

The fourth part of Ann's article is her conclusion.  In the Ann's conclusion she wrote about how the Unity Model can be applied to her life.  She also wrote about how the Unity model can benefit society.  Ann concludes her paper with a brief message to future generations.

Ann's methods:

Ann basically followed the format that was given by Dr. James.  Her article was very organized with a summary of her own thoughts at the end of each topic.  For each topic that Ann wrote about, she picked various points that she felt were important and expanded upon them.

Ann's explanations and what she gained from doing this report:

Ann felt that the four components are useful for the understanding of gender relationships.  She says that because there are so many difference between males and females, common points are useful for her to understand both sexes.  She also felt that violence and rage against women was a typical feature of the dominant model.  According to Ann, "as long as women are in a dominant model, they cannot avoid getting hurt."  According to Ann, she has always wondered why people get divorced in spite of the fact that they loved each other when they got married.  From writing her article, she came to the conclusion that people are mostly united at the cognitive and sensorimotor level and that without unity at the affective level, couples are incapable of supporting each other's feelings forever.

Ann also feels that if society was able to learn about the Unity Model, then there would be a decrease in divorces.  She also says that the Unity Model will help her to determine whether or not her relationship will last forever so that she can avoid getting a divorce.

My opinion:

In my opinion, Ann's paper was very clear.  After reading Ann's paper, it really made me think about my own relationship that I am in.  The Unity Model is a lot clearer to me and I can now see the areas in which my husband and I need to work on.  I also agree with Ann that if society could learn the Unity Model, then there probably would be a decrease in divorces.  People would be able to know whether or not they found the right mate because they would know what to look for and what to consider.

Article #2: Annotated Bibliography written by:   Brigitlynn Duclos

Summary of Duclos's report 1:

In report one of generation 20, Duclos first starts her article with a preface.  Within her preface, Duclos chose three articles from prior generations that she found interesting. The first article that Duclos chose was written by Kristin Ching’s from generation 16 which was on the Emotional Spin Cycle-The Four Options and the Two Bridges: Annotated Bibliography.  According to Duclos, "Kristin explains the Spin Cycle as a model to help one understand how they deal emotionally with certain situations when they occur."  Kristin's report goes on to discuss different situations and how the model can be applied to each situation. For more information on Kristin's article please click here.

The second article in Duclos's preface is written by Nicole Reaves from generation 15 which also focus's on the Emotional Spin Cycle.  According to Duclos, the importance of the Emotional Spin Cycle is to help us become more aware of our emotions so that we can function more on the positive side.  She also learned that it is possible to change from the negative side of the cycle to the positive side through what is called the red and blue bridge.  For more information on this, please click here.

The third article in Duclos's preface is written by Bellew from generation 19.  The focus of this article was on coping with new information behaviors.  From this article, Duclos chose this article because she thought it was interesting that it consisted of pre and post ratings on four different tasks.  The purpose of Bellew's assignments were to document empirically the characteristics of the students’ information behaviors.  For more information on this, please click here.

The second part of Duclos's article was her introduction whereby she defines gender discourse as three interacting domains known as the individuals, “Threefold Self”.  Within this section, she also says that the  "purpose of this class is to understand each gender and the different ways they think and behave in all three of our interacting domains."

The third section of Duclos's article is the main focus.  This section is divided into four main categories:  Articles on Gender Relationships, Generational Curriculum:  Student Reports on Gender and Driving, Articles on Analyzing Talk by Leon James, and Generational Curriculum:  Student Reports on Analysis of Talk.  Within each category, Duclos picked a variety of articles and chose the three most important points of each article.  For more information on this section, please click here.

The fourth section of this article is the conclusion.  The conclusion consists of what she learned from writing the article and her opinions of the Unity Model.  Duclos's article finally ends with her message to future generations.

Duclos's method:

Duclos followed Dr. Leon Jame's instructions very well.  Her paper was well organized and flowed nicely.  I really enjoyed how Duclos chose an array of topics highlighting something different from each article.

Duclos's explanations and what she gained from her report:

Duclos feels that although women are becoming stronger and less timid than before, she still feels that men play a more dominant role than women in our society.  However, she feels that in relationships women play the more dominant role in the way things are done.  From writing the Annotated Bibliography, Duclos has learned more about the cognitive and biological differences between men and women.  By doing the assignment, her views and ideas on how and why people behave as they do has changed.  The assignment has also helped her learn more about her emotional spin cycle, making her more aware of her emotions so that she can have more control over her emotions.

Duclos feels that if society could learn the Unity Model, then relationships would be stronger and couples would be happier.  According to Duclos, the concept of the Unity Model will help her in her future relationships and will affect the way she engages in gender relationships.

My opinion:

In my opinion, Duclos did a great job writing this article.  I totally agree with Duclos on how men still play the more dominant role in society.  It's true - although women are not as suppressed as before, women still received a lot of negative stereotyping and women are still not treated as good as men are.  I also agree that women play a more dominant role in gender relationships.  For many households, it is the woman who is in charge of the money, it is the woman who sets the rules, and it is mainly the woman who makes the decisions.  

Article #3:  Mapping the Threefold Self in Gender Relationships, Written by: Jocelyn Hostetler

Summary of Report #2:

Hostetler begins her article with a preface.  In the preface, Hostetler describes her previous report and then goes on to explain her point of view on the theory of gender unity and how she feels about being able to reach "full human potential."  According to Hostetler, she feels that the theory of the unity model is outdated, but she does not state her reasons as to why she feels this way.  She also states that she does not believe anyone can reach their "full human potential."  She points out that no one could ever know what their "full human potential" is because the concept itself is too broad and diverse to be defined.

The second part of her article consists of her introduction which includes a couple of concepts and her experimental design.  The design of her experiment consists of observing two friends that are in a gender relationship.  She notes how much time they spend with each other, the activities they do with each and how much time they spend doing those activities, and how often they spend time with each other.  From the data that she collected, Hostetler concluded that the couple is in the first level of the unity model.  The couple's time spent together is dictated by the male.  

It is the male who decides when and how the couple will spend their time together.  Aside from that, the couple's motivation to to spend time with each other are two very different reasons.  The male's reason to spend time with his girlfriend is to take a break away from his kids.  The female's reason to spend time with each other to learn about life and relationships.  For information of Hostetler's conclusion and data, please click here.

The final part of Hostetler's article consists of her thoughts and view of gender relationships, along with a few helpful pointers for  future generations.  Hostetler stated that even after completing this assignment, her views have still not changed.  However, she cannot say how or why or views have not changed due to the fact that she needs more time to learn about gender unity.

Hostetler's methods:

Hostetler followed the format in which Dr. James gave to write the article.  Hostetler's article was well organized and the data that she collected was comprehensive.  Her experimental design was clear enough so that another person would be able to conduct the same experiment. 

Hostetler's explanations and what she gained from the assignment:

 By completing the assignment, Hostetler has learned how to identify her ideas of gender relationships and theory.  It has helped her to understand relationships better and it has led her to a better understanding about herself.  This assignment has also opened up the lines of communication between her and her gay father.  Hostetler believes in the literature about caring for others first and yourself second.  She believes that an appreciation for yourself will develop through caring for others.

My opinion:

In my opinion, I totally agree with Hostetler that one can develop an appreciation for herself through caring for others.  By caring for others and putting those you love first, shows that you are an unselfish person.  There is a lot that you can learn from other people about yourself.  Your friends and family are two of the most biggest reflections yourself.  I also believe that one of the only ways a couple can reach the third level of the unity model, is by putting your spouse first - their feelings, thoughts, worries, and so forth.  Without being able to do this, a couple never really truly be united.

Article # 4:  Emotional Spin Cycle:  Data Collection and Analysis:  Written by:  Chris M.

Summary of report #2:

The first part of Chris's article consists of an introduction, which includes a brief summary of his last report and his opinions of society.  Chris feels that society has become more violent and as a result, people are desensitized to acts of violence and crime.  He also feels that society is becoming more spiritual - not religiously, but in a way that helps them cope with daily stress. 

In this second section of Chris' repost, he gives a brief definition of the threefold self and identifies each of its components.  He also thoroughly explains the emotional spin cycle and the bridge technique.  The bridge technique is a "technique used to bridge the negative and positive feelings of others/world and yourself by using the sensorimotor, the cognitive, and the affective for which we have control over."  According to Chris, this bridge has two zones - a red one and a blue one.  

The red zone is used to cross negative to positive thinking about others, and the blue zone crosses negative thinking to positive of self.  (For more information of the bridge technique, please click here.)  In this section, Chris also explains his experimental design.  To conduct his experiment, Chris used his daily logs and the Global Rating Scale provided by Dr. James.  For each day, Chris completed the Global Rating Scale to measure his emotions.

As a conclusion to his experiment, Chris learned that he had many negative emotions.  He learned that it was very easy for him to get into a negative emotional state.  Chris also learned that it was easy for him to fall back into a negative state after coming out from a negative state.  The experiment helped Chris a lot to better understand himself and  to have more control over his emotions.

Chris' method:

Chris' method to writing this article was very organized.  Chris used tables to to show his daily logs and he also put the actual Global Rating Scale on his report.  I thought that this was a very good idea because it really helped in understanding the experiment.  By putting a table on his report, really made it easier to read.  This article was very thorough and Chris explained each concept very well.  The article had a nice flow to it.  One thing that was different in Chris' report, was that he had a list of all his references at the end.  This was good because it made his report seem more credible. 

Chris's explanation and what he gained from this article:

As I mentioned above, Chris learned a lot about himself from doing this article.  He also learned that the threefold self must always be in constant motion together.  According to Chris, the affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor components must all work together as one in order for the self to work.  Chris also feels that the emotional spin cycle can be especially useful in the work place - since the work place almost always consists of stress.  From what I gather from Chris's report, he really enjoyed doing this report.  Compared to other students reports, I think that Chris was one of them who benefited the most from doing this report.  From reading his report, I could really tell that he truly applied what he learned to himself.

My opinion:

I agree with Chris about the threefold self working as one.  There is no possible way that the three components can work without each other.  All three must work together in order to the self to be harmonized.  I also agree that learning the emotional spin cycle can help those who received a lot of stress from work.  By implementing and teaching the emotional spin cycle to those that work in a high stress environment, can benefit not only its employees, but also the company itself.  If the employees are happier and more positive, then the company will reflect that.  Both company and employee are a reflection of each other - therefore, learning how to be more in control of your emotions and learning how to be more positive can really benefit both.

Article #5:  My Proposal for TV Ratings on Anti-Unity Values in Gender Behavior

 By: Jennifer Combs, Generation 20

Summary of report 3:

In the preface of Jennifer's report, she briefly explained her previous report and its conclusion.  In the introduction, Jennifer goes on to explain her perspective of the gender unity model.  According to Jennifer, the model is "married relationship uniting as one spiritually and physically forever."  In the third section of Jennifer's report, she explains three oral presentations that she agrees with and three that she does not agree with.  For more information on this section, please click here.   

The fourth section of this report contains a description of a sitcom (Everybody Loves Raymond) that she watched.  The sitcom is about a married couple.  She analyzed the sit-com for Anti-Unity Values.  According to Jennifer, AUV's are "based on a particular scale pertaining to something that is related towards anti-unity, which doesn't relate to unification."  As for her findings, Jennifer found a few AUV's.  For a more detailed list of the AUV's she found, please click here.  As for the final part of Jennifer's report, she briefly explained her feelings toward gender relationships and ended with some advice to future generations.

Jennifer's method:

Jennifer's report was very organized.  Like everyone else, she followed Dr. James' directions very closely. 

Jennifer did a wonderful job explaining definitions without being redundant.  The one thing that I particularly liked about Jennifer's report was that it contained a table of the three different levels and models of gender relationships.  I founded that especially helpful to understanding the three models.  Jennifer's report also had a nice flow to it and was very easy to read.

Jennifer's explanations:

By doing this assignment, it has helped her to identify social and cultural attitudes of our society.  This assignment has also helped Jennifer to be more aware of social and cultural attitudes in the media, especially on talk shows.  She feels that on most talk shows, women are looked at as being at fault or wrong. 

My opinion:

In my opinion, Jennifer did a great job with this assignment.  I personally learned a lot from reading Jennifer's assignment - particularly about AUV's.  However, I have to disagree with Jennifer about her opinion on talk shows.  When I watch talk shows, it is mainly the men who are looked down upon and looked at as "dogs."  I'd have to say that both men and women get an equal share of humiliation on talk shows.

Article #6:  My Proposal for TV Ratings on Anti-Unity Values (AUV)  in Gender Behavior
by:   Makana Liwai

Summary of report 3:

Liwai's report is basically about the same thing as Jinnifer's report.  The preface starts off with a brief summary of report 2.  In Liwai's introduction, he explains the gender unity model as "the proposal that a man and a woman can form a heavenly relationship in which they will become unified in all three levels of the threefold self: in sensory-motor behavior, thinking, and in feeling."  

Liwai also thoroughly explained the three levels of unity in this section.  For more information, please click on the link above.  In the third part of Liwai's article, Liwai picked three oral presentations he agreed with and three that he did not agree with.  For more information on this, please click here.  The fourth section of this article is Liwai's proposal for AUV ratings on TV.  According to Liwai, an AUV is "any gesture, whether verbal or physical that hiders or is detrimental to the progression towards unification."  Auv's are a reflection of our values that the media projects toward us. 

Liwai analyzed the sit-com called "Yes Dear."  As a result he found a hand full of AUV's.  For example, he found Acceptance of the idea that men are more important, Separate interests and activities accepted for partners, promiscuity and adultery , and many more.  For information on this, please click here.  Liwai ends the article with his thoughts about the assignment and how it affected him.

Liwai's methods:

Liwai basically followed the direction that Dr. James gave.  Because of this, his paper was neatly organized and very easy to read. 

Liwai's explanations:

According to Liwai, "learning the unity model has helped him to be more aware of the possibility that there

 may be a vast number of other models of marriage out there..."  He also says that there are  probably other cultural variances pertaining to their culture's way of living and that just because it is different, he should not put it down.  Also, Liwai feels that although unity may be something that is unattainable, learning the values and the core of the unity model can still help people and maybe even repair relationships. 

My opinion:

In my opinion, I agree with Liwai.  Just because other people's ways of living are different, it doesn't mean that we have to feel threatened by it, nor does it deserve to be put down.  Our models and theories in our society probably sounds pretty weird to them.   I also agree learning the values and the core of the unity model can definitely help people in relationships.  It can help people become more aware of the substance in their relationship and more aware of their own needs.  Understanding the different levels and the different models of gendered relationships can greatly benefit people because it will lead them to a better understanding of relationships in general.  Although unity might not be achieved, learning the values of the unity model and being able to apply them will be a big improvement.

Question 6:

Consider Table 6 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations. It gives 20 examples of Behavioral Indicators of One's Relationship Model, along with Yes/No specifications for the three models. First explain what this table is trying to show and how it is doing that (give a couple of examples to illustrate concretely). Include brief explanations for what the three models are. Second, create a similar table of 20 new items that you make up yourself, and fill in the Yes/No columns. Calculate the percent overlap. Third, Discuss what your results show and how such an approach could be expanded to help couples be more aware of their interaction pattern.

Table 6 is trying to contrast certain elements that differentiates the three phases of marriage.  By analyzing this table, you will see that the unity model is the most different from the other two models.  It shows that the unity model is the most difficult to achieve.  For example, "Partners insist on exclusivity so that neither may carry on close friendships with others," is a characteristic of only the unity model.  However, when you have something like, "Partners tolerate some disagreements as something normal and inevitable," this is only done in the dominance and equity model, but not the unity model.  Why not the unity model?  

Because in the unity model, couples do not tolerate this.  Couples are always in agreement with each other, because they are connected at the sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective levels.  Remember, that when you are connected at the affective level, you not only enjoy each others company, but you also think alike and feel alike.

For a brief overview of the models:

The dominance model is the lowest model in which the relationship is dominated by the male.  In this model, the male is the one who makes all the decisions and calls all the shots.  Couples in this model are connected only at the sensorimotor level.  The male is nowhere near ready to give himself to the woman.  In the equity model, couples are connected at the sensorimotor level and the cognitive model.  This means that they not only enjoy each others company, but that they also share similar ideas and beliefs about things.  Couples in this model share their responsibilities, make decisions together, and share the chores.  In the highest model, the unity model, couples are conjoint at all three levels.  Couples in this model share the same ideas, beliefs, motivations, and feelings.

Results:

75% of the answers overlap between the dominance model and the equity model.  20% of the answers overlap between the equity model and the unity model, while only 10% of the answers overlap between all three models.  Results are in compliance with Dr. James' results and confirm that the unity model is the hardest model to achieve.  By putting together a table like this one, can help couples understand which level their relationship is at.  This can benefit couples because it is a strong indicator of what needs to be worked on in a relationship.   By listing characteristics of your relationship, you can easily calculate the model your relationship is in.

Question 4:

Select one or more techniques explained in the Lecture Notes in the last section called Making Field Observations. Do a mini-experiment in which you use the techniques to analyze interactions between couples – either yourself in a couple relationship, or some other couples you know. Describe what you did, what you found, and how you explain it. Be sure to use the unity model in your explanations, but you can also give alternative explanations, in addition to your explanations with the unity model.

For this experiment, I recorded a couple that I am friends with.  I spent the day with them and told them that I would be recording one of their conversations, but did not tell them which or when I would be recording.  I did not tell them when I would be recording because I did not want them to interact differently with each other just because I was recording them.  I then went home and analyzed the recording.  While analyzing the conversation, I made a checklist, similar to the table above, and asked the same questions that Dr. James said to ask in the lecture notes. 

The recording was done at the couple's home on the patio.  Lucky for me, the couple was having a disagreement!  The following is a table of my checklist.

It is clear to see that the couple is in a dominant relationship.  The male in this relationship was unwilling to compromise or understand the woman.  The woman persistently tried to get the man to see her point of view, but he was very resistant.  The couple is no where near the unity model and is barely even in the equity model.  According to the unity model, the woman is biologically ready to be in unity.  This was true in the couple's conversation.  The woman did not get mad - all she wanted to do was get her boyfriend to understand her.  The unity model also says that the man has to willingly give himself and that the man should give into the woman.  By the data I collected, the male in this relationship was not even close being ready to give in.

Question 1:

It is sometimes wrongly asserted that men have less feelings than women. Show that this is not true by discussing the threefold self and the role of the affective in relation to the cognitive and sensorimotor. Illustrate your argument with examples that come from (a) your personal life and (b) from the media. Do men and women have the same awareness of (a) their own feelings and (b) their partner’s feelings—how do they differ? How does this difference affect the dynamics and progress of the relationship?

The statement that "men have less feelings than women" is definitely wrong.  Men and women alike, both have feelings and emotions.  However, the difference lies in the difference between the level of awareness between men and women, how men and women reason (cognitive) differently, and how they react differently (sensorimotor).  For example, lets pretend that a person A just caught person B having an affair with someone else.  Pretend that person A and person B are in a relationship with each other.  

Now, whether person A is a female or male, both will probably feel the same way.  Both will probably be angry, hurt, upset, feel betrayed, and so forth.  The difference is in how men and women process this information and their level of awareness of their feelings.  If person A was a female, she would probably display her feelings as being hurt, because females have a higher awareness of their emotions.  But if person A was a male, he would probably display his feelings as anger and rage, because he is not aware that what he is really feeling, is hurt.

For another example, lets say that both Scott and Jamie failed their exams.  Affectively, both would probably be very dissappointed.  But cognitively, they might be thinking something different.  Jamie might be attributing her failure to not studying hard enough, but Scott might be attributing his failure due to the teacher.  Sensorimotor wise, Jamie probably will study harder for the next exam, and Scott will probably do nothing about it since his attributes were toward the teacher. Scott would also probably mistake being upset for being angry.  This is an example of how males and females might process things differently which leads them to react differently. 

Men and women have the same feelings, but just handle them differently.  Differences between men and women cognitively, are mainly due to how our society and culture is.  Our society tells us that men have to be tough, aggressive, and masculine, while women have to be sweet, gentle, and caring.  Although women have really stepped up to men, society still tells us that men are the dominant gender and that men ultimately hold the power.  Because of these gender stereotypes, men and women process information differently.  In my opinion, this is why men often react angry - even if what they are really feeling is hurt, sad, confused, disappointed....

Women have always been known to be more touch with their feelings.  I believe that this is true and I also believe that the reason for this is because of how men and women are raised .  For example, at a school that I work at, there is this one two-year-old whom the kids are always fighting over.  All of the other kids want to take care of this one 2 year old. What I noticed was that the boys are always fighting with each other to take care of the two year old.  They are always saying, "John Doe is mine," and they are always racing to sit next the two year old.  It seems as though the two-year old is an object, to which each boy wants the two-year old to just be the one who has him.  

The girls on the other hand, will act mother-like and just try to hold on to the two year old.  To me, this is an example of how males and females differ cognitively, but yet have the same motivation or desire.  All of the kids, whether boy or girl just wanted to take care of the two year old.  But because of their gender differences, they processed the situation differently and reacted differently.  The fact that these kids were all three year olds, tells me men and women are the way they are because of two factors:  society/culture and biology.

Men and women do not have the same awareness of their feelings, nor do they have the same awareness of their partner's feelings.  However, this is not always true.  For example, from my own experience, most times when  women are around men who are conversing amongst each other, women are often offended by what the men are talking about.  Lets say that the topic of conversation amongst the men are women or that the topic is about a woman.  Most men simply do not think twice about they are talking about - they don't stop to think about how what they are saying can offend a woman.  In fact, they probably can't even imagine why a women would get offended by the substance of their conversation  This goes to show that men simply are not at the same level of awareness that women are.

On the other hand, sometimes men ARE aware of their partner's feelings.  For instance, lets say that there is a couple and the male goes to a strip club with his friends because all of his friends are pressuring him.  The male goes to the strip club knowing that his girlfriend would be very hurt and upset.  So why does he do it?  He does it because he does not want to let down his friends and because he is caring more about his friends' feelings than about his partners' feelings. 

These difference affect the dynamics of a relationship because if both the man and the woman in the relationship need to be at the same level in order for the relationship to grow.  In most situations, the woman is always ready to move on with the relationship.  The woman is almost always waiting =for the man to "grow up."  If the man in the relationship is not at the same level of awareness of his partner's feelings, then how can the relationship last?  There is just no way!  If the man in the relationship cannot even be aware of his own feelings, then how will the couple ever solve problems if the man is going to be mistaking one emotion for the other?!  How will the woman in ever be able to truly connect to the man if the man is not aware of his feelings?!  Growth in a relationship cannot happen until both man and woman are at the same level.

Advice to Future Generations:

My advice to future generations, especially if you have this particular assignment, start on it EARLY.  Do not wait until the last minute because there is no way that you will be able to finish the assignment.  Also, since you are taking this class, you may as well get the most out of the class.  Try to really relate to the topics discussed and try to apply them to your life or the people in your life.  Being able to apply these concepts to your life will change the way you think about things.  

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