Report 2

My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage

By: Chad Garhartt

Instructions for this report are at:

www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy21/409b-g21-report2.htm 

Question 5

Select six student reports on marriage from Generation 20, as listed in the Readings section of the Lecture Notes.You must select any two students from Report 1, any two from Report 2, and any two from Report 3. Summarize each of the six reports. Be sure to put a link to the students' reports. Add a General Conclusion Section in which you discuss your reactions to what they did (a) their ideas, (b) their method, (c) their explanations. What did they gain from doing their reports? How do their ideas influence what you yourself think about these issues?

First Report From Generation 20-

The first report I choose from generation 20 was report one by Ann, her report can be found at http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/ann/report1.htm. As she started her first report she discussed the three fold self. She talks about the The four components ofgcognitive scriptsh, gbehavioral routinesh, gcognitive appraisalh, and gemotional intelligenceh. Then mentions how the cognitive script is behavior that one has internalized to determine onefs motive of affect. Behavioral routines is role that we have acquired to play a role for different situation in society.

In the next article Ann discusses how rage and violence are used many time against women. Ann also gives a cultural example of how women are abused in Afghanistn and are made to cover their body. This section can be related to the dominant model. There are a lot of cultures, including the United States that have a male dominated society. As long as there is a dominant partner someone will always be getting hurt and will not be able to get their feelings across to their partner. Ann uses previous articles to get a better idea of the three fold self and how to set up her report.

In Anns introduction Ann gives examples of the three-fold self in action between couples. Ann continued to go into the aspect of the male trying to find his conjoint self. I found this section to be similar to my ideas from out lecture notes. I agree with the fact that as long as a male is independent and acting from himself, the couple will never be able to reach the unity model.

In the next section, Ann discusses ten different articles that help explain what gender differences actually are. I will give a few examples from her articles to show what gender differences are. The first article looks at gender differences in a biological or nature view. She discusses how women are better able to feel other peoples anger and be more empathetic. She also discusses how mens thought process is more logical and more rigid. I definitely agree with this concept because I learned in my neuroscience class that men and women different thought processes. For example, women are better at verbal test while men are better at spatial tests.

The second article discusses how men are naturally more aggressive than women, which leads to more men being in the dominant role while more women being in the submissive role. Ann continued to discuss how aggression could lead to more rapes and sexist feelings by men. These violent attitudes definitely show how aggression is more common in men . Even if men are not acting out on these aggressive feelings, these feelings still will come out to dominate a relationship.

In article six, Ann discusses how men are more aggressive drivers than women. By taking Driving Psychology with Dr. James, I have learned that men are naturally more aggressive drivers. Not only is this an innate characteristic, but are also effected by society. There are many video games, movies and television programs that promote aggression.

In Anns conclusion, she talks about how these ideas can be related to her personal life. Ann discussed many issues on gender differences that she found interesting and would be able to relate to her own life.

Conclusion-

Anns Ideas-

I felt Anns ideas came from her own view and paralled many of the articles that she read. She defiantly gave good examples of how men and women have gender differences due to innate characteristics.

Anns Methods-

Ann used the method that all students who take Dr. James classes. Her Paragraphs were separated and the titles of each section were clearly stated. This allows for easy reading and allows for readers who might not be familiar with Dr. James classes to understand the material, even if they dont have a lot of knowledge on the topic.

Anns explanation and Benefits-

The three-fold self was a big part of Anns explanations. She discusses how the four concepts of the three-fold self are useful in finding out to not have so many problems with gender differences. Ann benefited from this report by having some questions answered from the articles she read. For example, Ann was curious about some of the violence toward women. Ann realized that a lot of violence toward women stems from natural aggressive tendencies in men. Anns question about divorce was also answered in this report. Ann learned that people mainly get divorced due to differences in the affective model.

My opinion-

I have always felt pretty strong about the biological aspects of why males and females are different. Her articles on gender differences in driving and aggression gave me a better understanding of why there is a difference. I was also unaware of why couples would get divorced even though they were in love in the beginning the marriage. I have had many friends whose parents were divorced and I never really got the real details on divorce. Learning about how the affective self is a big part of the reason really gives me a better understanding.

Second Report from generation 20

The second report I choose was report 1 by howard. http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report1.htm. In the preface of Howards report, he summarizes three different prior generation articles. The first article is about the three fold-self. He explains how if people cant understand why they are thinking what therere thinking, then they will not be able to realize why they act like they act. The next article discusses some aspects of violence relating to gender differences. In the last article of the preface Howard discusses how there are gender difference in driving among male and females.

In the introduction, Howard discusses how the information from Dr. James can be very helpful to allow other couples to reach the unity model and conjugial love. One important aspect of reaching the unity model is for both couples to understand their three-fold selves. I give examples of a few different articles that can give couples a better idea of how to reach the unity model and conjugial love.

The article on Gender Differences in language by Deborah Tannen, discusses how men and women talk differently which causes them to learn differently in the classroom. Tannen first discusses how girls who go to all girl schools perform better than girls integrated with guys. The main reason for this is because men are in more of the discussions. Tannen discusses how in casual conversations females talk about their problems and want to have their feelings heard. Males tend to put each other down more and are more sarcastic in conversation.

The next article I choose was by Cara Lucy, http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459ss97/clucey/report2.html. Cara discusses how gender differences of dominance can be seen in driving. Cara discusses how a lot of women will let their male partner drive, which shows how the couple is in the dominance model. A couple in the dominance model will have the male controlling the women by having her thoughts and actions parallel that of the husbands. In one of the surveys Cara choose, the statistics show that women are better at following directions and that men are better are dealing with stressful situations like traffic and accidents. Once again, the material illustrates how men and women are different not only through cultural norms and gender norms, but a lot of the difference is just biological. Men and women are built differently mentally and Physically. Driving psychology is just another way to illustrate men and womens biological difference.

The next article I choose from Howards report was on Dr. James article on discourse, the affective, cognitive and sensorimotor aspects. Dr. James states that what we say depends on how we are thinking and feeling. The environment which surrounds us influences how we are thinking or feeling. For example, when we are driving our thoughts and feelings will be different than when we are sitting in the classroom. When we are driving we will be on alert and will thinking of our driving, or should be anyways. In the classroom, our thoughts and feeling will be on the topic being discussed. Dr. James discusses how the idea of thought control is an impossible idea.

In the conclusion, Howard talks about how it will be hard for people to get the information on gender differences. Most people will not seek out this information, and with Dr. James not there to help explain the information, the material would be hard to understand.

Howards Ideas

Howards overall idea of keeping a positive bias on the material is a very different view from some of the other generations. Howard is telling the readers to view the material as possible. I feel this is a great message to give, because one cant take every piece of information and believe it is going to work. It is better to know some ideas are possible for some people and not so helpful to others. Like Anns report, Howard also felt the three-fold self is a very important piece of information to understand the differences between gender relationships.

Howards Methods-

His methods were very similar to Anns report. His method of the positive bias was a little different than other classmates, but I felt is was a very good idea. All of the information was presented in clear and understandable format.

Howards explanation and Benefits-

Howards explanation of the reports written by Swedenborgs conjugial love and Leon James article on Discourse were explained very clear and precise. I believe Howard benefited from this report by learning how to actually develop a relationship into the unity model. By researching information on differences in discourse, biological differences and language, I feel he has a better understanding of the three-fold self and the unity model of marriage.

My Opinion-

I feel the idea of keeping a positive bias was the greatest piece of information I gathered from this report. Not only should a person reading these reports keep a positive bias, but people should keep a positive bias about all aspects they feel might help them throughout life.

Third Report from Generation 20-

The third report I choose was report 2 by Jocelyn Hostetler. I choose Jocelyn because in the pre-face she discusses what the first report was about, but also discusses how she feels the unity model is not relevant to society because she does not believe god as the creator of man and woman. I thought it would be interesting to see a non-religious persons point of view of conjugial love and the unity model.

The first part of report 2 was to self-witness someone close our their own three-fold self. Jocelyn observes her two friends who are going out. She observes how long they spend together and what activities they performed together. She then looked at dominance and control through the sensorimotor self. The couple did not seem to have control issues. They both like certain acitivies and had fun together. The next part was negotiation areas of the cognitive self. The couple shows a little difference in the cognitive self. The womans goals are to finish school and get a degree while the male has two kids from a previous relationship and his focus is on his kids. The next part of the experiment was on mutual trust through the affective self. They are both getting up in the morning, but by the start of the day their reasons for their actions are on two different levels due to cognitive differences listed above.

In the analysis and discussion section, Jocelyn states by observing the couple she found a better understanding of gender relationships in a biological view, cultural view, and in terms of the unity model.

Jocelyns ideas-

Her ideas were very clear in the sense that she wanted to find out how the equity model could be better understood by observing a couple and their three-fold self. Jocelyns ideas in the beginning were a bit different because she made it clear she was not religious and many of the ideas by Dr. James presents have religious undertones.

Methods-

Her methods were like the rest of her classmates and the setup given by Dr. James. Her report was very organized and clear in fact that if I were an outsider to the class, I would be able to understand the content of the information.

Explanation and Benefits

Even though Jocelyn is not a religious person, this report has allowed her to have a better grasp on gender relationships. It has even allowed her to form a better relationship with her homosexual father.

My Opinion

I have also learned about gender relationships by looking at the couple in the experiment. They showed me how even though a couple want to have a relationship in the unity model, some outside factors can overcome the deepest love. In their case it is children, age and a previous marriage. All of these factors will allow both to think on a different cognitive level.

Fourth Report From Generation 20

The fourth report I choose was the second by Chris M. In Chriss preface he discusses the objectives of his report 1. This information is valuable because it gives the reader an idea of the information Chris has been studying. Many of his ideas of report 2 might stem or relate to report 1. Chris states how todays society is in an emotional spin cycle. A lot of people are in such a hurry these days, their emotions are on a roller coaster ride. In order to get their emotions under control, a lot of people are trying to become more spiritual. Chriss experiment was a collection of daily logs from generation 16 who were doing a similar report to his.

A main part of his experiment was the bridge technique.The bridge technique is a technique to bridge the negative and positive feelings of others/world and yourself by using the sensorimotor, the cognitive, and the affective for which we have control over. This bridge technique has two zones: red and blue. The red zone is used to cross negative to positive thinking about others, and the blue zone crosses negative thinking to positive of self. The red zone is how we view others and the world around us, and the blue zone is how we see ourselves emotionally.

Chris then used a global emotional scale which scales our general moods. He then viewed his emotions over a four day period and gave himself a score. He tried to use the bridge technique when he was driving and when he was waking up. For Chris waking up is alto easier than driving. He discusses how he has used this bridging technique through out his whole life. He didnt know turning a positive into a negative had an actual scientific name.

In the discussion and analysis, Chris goes over some of the lessons he learned from the experiment.

Chriss ideas-

Chriss ideas were much more systematic and concrete than any of the other reports I read. By this, I mean there was actual data to show why Chris was thinking the way he was. The reader can view his dissatisfaction of other people, the amount of productivity he felt and his general mood. This allows the reader to see what Chris was feeling and give them a better estimation of what he was thinking through his feelings.

Chriss method-

His method was much more scientific. There was data and analysis which gave the report a different look from the rest of generation twenty. There was a lot of information to follow throughout but I didnt have any problems following the information from the tables. Chriss report was defiantly more complex than any other report and that is why it might be a little more difficult for outsiders to Dr. Jamess class to read.

Explanation and Benefits-

Chris defiantly got a lot out of this report. He learned a lot about his three-fold self. He learned that he has many negative emotions but has the ability to change them. He feels that many people including himself are setting unrealistic goals for themselves and when they fall short they are too hard on themselves. He also learned the three-fold self is always in constant motion. This is a very hard idea according to Chris and I would have to agree with. He also feel the bridge technique is a very good idea to overcome gender differences. If people can always pull some light out of bad thoughts, feelings and actions, society would be a better place.

My Opinion-

I have definitely learned about the three fold self and more importantly the bridge technique. This is not a new technique to me but a hard one to practice. A lot of times when negative feelings come about, they are hard to let go.

Fifth Report from Generation 20

The fifth report I choose was the third report by Jennifer Combs. In the preface of Jennifer's report, she talks about her previous report and its conclusion.  Jennifer explains her view on the gender unity model. Jennifers view is that a couple in the unity model has a relationship that is united spiritually and physically forever. She believes that unity is much smoother in this model and that the couple must endure the two other stages of Dominance and Equity to reach Unity. The third section is on some class presentations and lecture notes of her fellow classmates. Here she talks about some of the ideas she liked and disliked of her classmates. For example, she was not in agreement with the idea of how conjugial love does not come to us naturally. She was fond of the idea of the unity and conjugial love.

The fourth section was her proposal for Anti-Value Ratings for Television. AUVs are based on a particular scale pertaining to something that is related towards anti-unity, which doesn't relate to unification. For example: Living together unmarried, having children out of wedlock. making each other jealous on purpose and adultery for various reasons. Jennifers objective was to watch a television program called Every Body Loves Raymond As Jennifer was watching the program she observed to see if any of the AUVs were present in the episode. First she found manipulating the partner through deception. In the episode Raymond deceives his wife by lying to her. Then she found the AUV that men are more important than women. Next she found the idea that men are more rational than women. The last AUV she found was the idea that it is ok to agree or disagree about certain topics. As commercials would run, Jennifer would look at the rating of the AUV scale and put each AUV she observed from the show onto the scale. In the conclusion, Jennifer discussed how the report helped her in her own life.

Jennifers Ideas

Jennifers ideas were very clear and the experiment was very clear. I thought it was pretty creative to relate a popular television show to stereotypes about women. The shows content is definatley overlooked by constant humor which could be giving our society the wrong message.

Jennifers Methods-

Her set was the same as other classmates except for her experiment. The experiment was in a clear and organized setup. She was able to show her data very clearly by having the gender charts before the experiment.

Jennifers explanations and Benefits.

This experiment allowed Jennifer to see how the media can show gender stereotypes in a family type of show. The use of comedy allows viewers to not really mind these stereotypes. Jennifer will try to now look for AUVs in the media and not just pass by them. She will realize they are negative stereotypes and sort of block the message by not enjoying over learning.

My Opinion

I never really thought about looking for AUVs before reading this report. Most of the time I have wathced shows for pure entertainment. When I watch them I am not looking for stereotypes about women, but I will probably become more alert about AUVs due to Jennifers report.

Sixth report From Generation 20 My Proposal for Tv Ratings and Anti-Unity Values.

The sixth report I choose was from Ruby Englebrecht. http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/ruby_skies/report3.htm. In the preface, Ruby discusses the effects of media on our society. Ruby uses the show on HBO called Sex in The City to show how modern society views gender relationships. Ruby also believes the show illustrates the social inequality for women in todays patriarchal society. In the next section, Ruby discusses her objectives for report 2.

 

The introduction states how the unity model is basically the highest point a couple wants to reach in their relationship. Ruby believes the model of unity can be reached by aligning the male and female together to become one. She continues to discuss the three-fold self and the three aspects of biology, culture and socialization that affect the three fold self.

 

In the next section, Ruby looked at three reports and listed point of agreement and disagreement. When Ruby observed Howards report, she disagreed with the section on conjugial love from Dr. Jamess Doctrine of The Wife. Ruby believe that some of Swedenborgs ideas are a bit sexist. Ruby did agree with the concept that the male must give himself of up a 100% in order to for the couple to reach a stage of conjugial love.

 

Her experiment is based on the fact that men and women have the need to be loved. There is a hard and soft spot in each individual and it takes getting to know all sides of person to reach a point where a successful relationship can be achieved. She starts her experiment by discussing what AUVs are. In her opinion AUVs are apart of the three-fold self of an individual that is opposing to unity values. She also states how Sex in The City is an extremely feministic point of view. Ruby used the list of AUVs provided by Leon James and made note of any AUVs presented as normal in the show Sex and the City. For example, a character in the movie, who is a female, had intercourse with a man and then asked him to leave right away. The AUV was objectifying the man and the woman. The evaluation was that men use women for sex so women should play their game as well.

 

Rubys Ideas

Rubys ideas are clear, but I would have to disagree on the fact that the show Sex and The City takes a feminist point of view. The character who narrates the show and the other characters who are involved are not feminists. They all like to date men and many times are in the submissive role while in a relationship. No feminist would be in the submissive role in my view. Her main idea of the report was that society does have an impact on the way men and women interact together.

 

Rubys Methods

 

Her presentation of the report was very clear. She clearly stated the objective of the experiment and how her ideas were related to the objectives. She followed the outline given by Dr. James very well. I believe and outsider reading this report would have a clear understanding of the material.

 

Rubys explanations and Benefits

 

Ruby gained a better understanding of why some feminists have such a strong feeling toward men. She believes feminist dont see a foreseeable change in men. Ruby says that men do need to change in order for women to train them to become conjoint and united with the wife.

 

My opinion

 

Again, I feel the show was not from a feminist view, and also feel that Ruby goes to much into feminism and doesnt concentrate enough on gender relationships. I do believe that the media gives off many stereotypes and negative information to men and women. Negative messages of sleeping around and using people can only give people the wrong message.

 

Question 2

Contrast the three views of gender relationships expressed by Deborah Tannen in Gender Issues, Laura Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and Leon James in The Doctrine of the Wife. Give a summary of your analysis by creating a chart or table that shows the differences between them in a systematic way. Give your opinion on the elements or entries in your chart. How do your own views compare to whats in the chart? How are your ideas influenced by these three different perspectives on marriage?

In question 2 I used three different charts to illustrate the views of Deborah Tannen, Laura Schlessinger, and Dr. Leon James. For each chart I listed three aspects of gender relationships that would express the view of each author. The first section was the husbands perspective. The second section was the role of the wifes perspective. The last section is the couples perspective. All three sections show how to enhance gender relationships between couples. In the analysis section I contrasted and compared the three tables to show the different view of each author on gender relationships.

Flow Chart 1 Dr. Leon James, The Doctrine of The Wife Chart. Dr. James Doctrine of The Wife Talks about how a couple need to be conjoined as one. Enlightenment and Wholeness are big factors in reaching the unity mod

Husbands Perspective

        The role of the husband is a very important factor in gender relationships in marriage. In order for a couple to reach the unity model the husband must perform many acts of unselfishness.

        The husband was not born from love, so he must learn from his wife.

        Dr. James has stated in class that men before enlightenment, are very selfish and reckless.

        The husband must act from his wife and not from himself. Husbands must give in to their wife internal wisdom of love.

        According to professor James, couple that are more Feminized have deeper and more intimate relationships than say a couple that is Masculinzed.

        In order for the male to act form the wife, he must leave his man hood and learn to think as a woman.

        Once the male has been enlightened or has reached his conjoint self, he then will be able to enter the unity model with his wife.

Wifes Perspective

        Since women are already born with the love to align themselves with their husband, they are almost in a teacher position.

        Women must realize their internal knowledge is much superior to mens.

        The wife must be patient and teach her husband the internal knowledge they possess.

        The wife must never let the ego of the husband overpower the internal wisdom she possesses.

        The wife must be patient while the couple is in the dominance and equity model, because it take time for the husband to learn and really love to learn to act from the wife. The husband cannot just say he going to act from his wife to make her happy. He must want and love the fact he will be uniting with his wife and acting from her.

Couples Perspective

        The husband must not follow the typical male view of dominating the relationship due to the fact he is a male. Our society tells us the male has to make all the decisions and is the leader of the house. This puts the wife in an automatic submissive position.

        Our culture views acting from the wife as being weak. Many males would not want to admit they are acting from their wives because it would give the impression that they are whipped or tied around her finger.

        It is the wifes duty to train her husband to not align himself with these cultural norms and stereotypes.

        It is the husbands job to help his wife train him how to act from the wife. The husband can accomplish this by listening to his wife, not arguing, explain to her his feelings and take constructive criticism well

Flow Chart Two, Deborah Tannens, Gender and Discourse. Deborah Tannen uses language between couples and cultural normalities to show the difference in gender relationships between men and women.

Husbands Perspective

        Men tend to make less eye contact with speakers while talking.

        Men prefer to talk when others are not talking.

        Men smile less and dont like to ramble

        Men find it difficult to understand women.

        Men are more sarcastic, use generalizations more and are less patient while talking

        Men interrupt more than women.

        Men rely on direct obvious tactics to communicate.

        Men are less empathetic and find it harder to express feelings, especially to women.

        Men make less facial expressions and are not able to talk as long as women

        Men talk at further distance than women.

Wives Perspective

        Women are born with a better verbal intelligence than men

        Women make more eye contact than men.

        Women tend to talk at a closer distance than men do.

        Women use more indirect tactics to communicate

        Women are more cooperative in conversation

        Women smile more frequently than men.

        Women talk in more detail as men generalize more.

        Women have more conversations that contain non-stop verbiage or a flurry of questions and statements.

        Women have the need to talk more often than men.

        Women are more empathetic and can relate to the listeners feelings and thoughts.

        Women are better at talking while other people are talking.

Couples Perspective I used the list of AUVs provided by Leon James and made note of any AUVs presented as normal in the show Sex and the City. I also added other AUVs to the list when necessaryI used the list of AUVs provided by Leon James and made note of any AUVs presented as normal in the show Sex and the City. I also added other AUVs to the list when necessary

        Tannen believes that couples must realize that everyone is different when it comes to conversation.

        It is important to have one speaker at a time. If the wife is talking then the husband must be listening. Even when couples are arguing they must take turns. This allows each person to have their opinions expressed.

        Couples must learn about biological differences in language. This will give each partner a better understanding of why the other is acting or speaking as they do.

        Each partner must be willing to let the other speak their mind, but must not allow one or the other to take a submissive role where one individuals ideas are dominating the conversation.

        Each partner should not be afraid to express their opinions to their partner.

Flow Chart Three, Dr. Lauras, The Proper Feeding and Caring Of Husbands Dr. Laura. Looks at enhancing gender relationships through the role of the wife. Dr. Lauras view is more submissive for the wife. She places a lot of emphasis on the duty of the wife and less on the husband.

Husbands Perspective

        Dr. Laura does not focus as much on a male perspective. Her book mainly is on a wifes perspective on how to keep the husband happy.

Wifes perspective

Analysis Of Three Charts

The three authors had three totally different type of ideas about gender differences. Dr. Leon James takes an approach where the female takes the lead in the relationship and it is up to the male to absorb the females internal knowledge of love. In most relationships, the women is waiting for the male to find his conjoint self to move into the unity model. I feel that every couple must pay their dues in a way. Practice makes perfect and this can be applied to relationships as well. Couples must go through the dominance and equity models in order to reach the unity model. Some couples may reach the unity model quicker than others, but it all depends on the husband. I agree with Dr. James and his ideas on how the male must act from his wife and not himself in order to reach his conjoint self. I believe it is a hard concept to grasp and reach, especially being a young male. I do believe that as males get older and wiser they will be more willing to want to act from another woman.

Deborah Tannnen discusses how men and women speak differently due to biological and cultural make-ups. I also agree with Deborah Tannens ideas because they are more scientific. It makes total sense that men and women can have differences just based on discourse. Some of the concepts how men look away and interrupt more were new ideas for me. I would never realize these concepts if I didnt take this class. Some times I find myself looking at people in conversation and try to distinguish any of these concepts. I would have to agree with most of the information from Tannens chart. One of the most important aspects of a relationship is how people communicate with each other. If more couples understood these biological differences in language, I believe there would be a lot less divorces and more happy couples.

Dr. Lauras chart shows how a wife should treat and understand their husbands in order to have a successful relationship. The difference from Dr. James is that Dr. Laura puts more of the work load on the Wife. Dr. James believes the wife must train her husband but with the help of the husband. I feel like Dr. James put the female on a higher level than the male. Dr. Laura seems to put the husband on a pedestal for the wife to obey and understand. Her concepts of allowing the male to have guy time sounds good from a guys perspective, but after understanding the unity model, it clearly shows that allowing guys to act from themselves will not help the relationship. Overall I would have to agree with more of Dr. James concepts when compared to Dr. Lauras. Dr. James concepts can be more helpful to relationships, while Dr. Lauras ideas seem to undermine the wife.

Question 6

Consider Table 6 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations. It gives 20 examples of Behavioral Indicators of One's Relationship Model, along with Yes/No specifications for the three models. First explain what this table is trying to show and how it is doing that (give a couple of examples to illustrate concretely). Include brief explanations for what the three models are. Second, create a similar table of 20 new items that you make up yourself, and fill in the Yes/No columns. Calculate the percent overlap. Third, Discuss what your results show and how such an approach could be expanded to help couples be more aware of their interaction pattern.

Table 6-


One's Relationship Model

1
Dominance Model

2
Equity Model

3
Unity Model

Partners tolerate role differences, either culturally defined or by personal preference

Yes

Yes

Yes

Partners tolerate some disagreements as something normal and inevitable

Yes

Yes

No

Partners tolerate status differences between a man and a woman

Yes

No

 No

Partners insist on exclusivity so that neither may carry on close friendships with others

No

No

Yes

Partners allow each other privacy or separate activities that the other is not involved in

Yes

Yes

No

Partners believe themselves to be married in this life and in the afterlife in heaven to eternity

No

No

Yes

Each partner is tolerant of some of the other's faults and tries to live with them

Yes

Yes

No

The man always cooperates with the woman's attempts to change him

No

No

Yes

When partners disagree they negotiate to reach a consensus 

No

Yes

No

When partners disagree the man gives in to the woman's way of thinking 

No

No

Yes

Partners can't stand being separated even for a few hours, and get very anxious

No

No

Yes

Partners are mutually interdependent and complementary in all areas