Report 2
My Understanding of the Unity Model of Marriage
By: Chad Garhartt
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy21/409b-g21-report2.htm
Question 5
Select
six student reports on marriage from Generation 20, as listed in the Readings
section of the Lecture Notes.You must select any two students from Report 1,
any two from Report 2, and any two from Report 3. Summarize each of the six
reports. Be sure to put a link to the students' reports. Add a General
Conclusion Section in which you discuss your reactions to what they did (a)
their ideas, (b) their method, (c) their explanations. What did they gain from
doing their reports? How do their ideas influence what you yourself think about
these issues?
First Report From Generation 20-
The
first report I choose from generation 20 was report one by Ann, her report can
be found at http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/ann/report1.htm. As she started her first report she
discussed the three fold self. She
talks about the The four components ofgcognitive
scriptsh, gbehavioral routinesh, gcognitive appraisalh, and gemotional
intelligenceh. Then mentions how the
cognitive script is behavior that one has internalized to determine onefs
motive of affect. Behavioral routines is role that we have acquired to play a
role for different situation in society.
In the
next article Ann discusses how rage and violence are used many time against
women. Ann also gives a cultural
example of how women are abused in Afghanistn and are made to cover their body. This section can be related to the dominant
model. There are a lot of cultures,
including the United States that have a male dominated society. As long as there is a dominant partner
someone will always be getting hurt and will not be able to get their feelings
across to their partner. Ann uses
previous articles to get a better idea of the three fold self and how to set up
her report.
In
Anns introduction Ann gives examples of the three-fold self in action between
couples. Ann continued to go into the
aspect of the male trying to find his conjoint self. I found this section to be similar to my ideas from out lecture
notes. I agree with the fact that as
long as a male is independent and
acting from himself, the couple will never be able to reach the unity model.
In the
next section, Ann discusses ten different articles that help explain what
gender differences actually are. I will
give a few examples from her articles to show what gender differences are. The first article looks at gender
differences in a biological or nature view.
She discusses how women are better able to feel other peoples anger and
be more empathetic. She also discusses
how mens thought process is more logical and more rigid. I definitely agree with this concept because
I learned in my neuroscience class that men and women different thought
processes. For example, women are
better at verbal test while men are better at spatial tests.
The
second article discusses how men are naturally more aggressive than women,
which leads to more men being in the dominant role while more women being in
the submissive role. Ann continued to
discuss how aggression could lead to more rapes and sexist feelings by
men. These violent attitudes definitely
show how aggression is more common in men . Even if men are not acting out on
these aggressive feelings, these feelings still will come out to dominate a
relationship.
In
article six, Ann discusses how men are more aggressive drivers than women. By taking Driving Psychology with Dr. James,
I have learned that men are naturally
more aggressive drivers. Not only is
this an innate characteristic, but are also effected by society. There are many video games, movies and
television programs that promote aggression.
In
Anns conclusion, she talks about how these ideas can be related to her
personal life. Ann discussed many
issues on gender differences that she found interesting and would be able to
relate to her own life.
Conclusion-
Anns Ideas-
I felt
Anns ideas came from her own view and paralled many of the articles that she
read. She defiantly gave good examples
of how men and women have gender differences due to innate
characteristics.
Anns Methods-
Ann
used the method that all students who take Dr. James classes. Her Paragraphs were separated and the titles
of each section were clearly stated.
This allows for easy reading and allows for readers who might not be
familiar with Dr. James classes to understand the material, even if they dont
have a lot of knowledge on the topic.
Anns explanation and Benefits-
The
three-fold self was a big part of Anns explanations. She discusses how the four concepts of the three-fold self are
useful in finding out to not have so many problems with gender differences. Ann benefited from this report by having
some questions answered from the articles she read. For example, Ann was curious about some of the violence toward
women. Ann realized that a lot of violence
toward women stems from natural aggressive tendencies in men. Anns question about divorce was also
answered in this report. Ann learned
that people mainly get divorced due to differences in the affective model.
My opinion-
I have
always felt pretty strong about the biological aspects of why males and females
are different. Her articles on gender differences in driving
and aggression gave me a better understanding of why there is a
difference. I was also unaware of why
couples would get divorced even though they were in love in the beginning the
marriage. I have had many friends whose
parents were divorced and I never really got the real details on divorce. Learning about how the affective self is a
big part of the reason really gives me a better understanding.
Second Report from generation 20
The
second report I choose was report 1 by howard. http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report1.htm. In the preface of Howards report, he
summarizes three different prior generation articles. The first article is about the three fold-self. He explains how if people cant understand
why they are thinking what therere thinking, then they will not be able to
realize why they act like they act. The
next article discusses some aspects of violence relating to gender
differences. In the last article of the
preface Howard discusses how there are gender difference in driving among male
and females.
In the
introduction, Howard discusses how the information from Dr. James can be very
helpful to allow other couples to reach the unity model and conjugial
love. One important aspect of reaching
the unity model is for both couples to understand their three-fold selves. I give examples of a few different articles
that can give couples a better idea of how to reach the unity model and
conjugial love.
The
article on Gender Differences in language by Deborah Tannen, discusses how men
and women talk differently which causes them to learn differently in the
classroom. Tannen first discusses how
girls who go to all girl schools perform better than girls integrated with
guys. The main reason for this is
because men are in more of the discussions.
Tannen discusses how in casual conversations females talk about their
problems and want to have their feelings heard. Males tend to put each other down more and are more sarcastic in
conversation.
The
next article I choose was by Cara Lucy, http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459ss97/clucey/report2.html. Cara discusses how gender differences of
dominance can be seen in driving. Cara
discusses how a lot of women will let their male partner drive, which shows how
the couple is in the dominance model. A
couple in the dominance model will have the male controlling the women by
having her thoughts and actions parallel that of the husbands. In one of the surveys Cara choose, the
statistics show that women are better at following directions and that men are
better are dealing with stressful situations like traffic and accidents. Once again, the material illustrates how men
and women are different not only through cultural norms and gender norms, but a
lot of the difference is just biological.
Men and women are built differently mentally and Physically. Driving psychology is just another way to
illustrate men and womens biological difference.
The next article I choose from
Howards report was on Dr. James article on discourse, the affective, cognitive
and sensorimotor aspects. Dr. James
states that what we say depends on how we are thinking and feeling. The environment which surrounds us
influences how we are thinking or feeling.
For example, when we are driving our thoughts and feelings will be
different than when we are sitting in the classroom. When we are driving we will be on alert and will thinking of our
driving, or should be anyways. In the
classroom, our thoughts and feeling will be on the topic being discussed. Dr. James discusses how the idea of thought
control is an impossible idea.
In the conclusion, Howard talks
about how it will be hard for people to get the information on gender
differences. Most people will not seek
out this information, and with Dr. James not there to help explain the information,
the material would be hard to understand.
Howards
Ideas
Howards overall idea of keeping a
positive bias on the material is a very different view from some of the other
generations. Howard is telling the
readers to view the material as possible.
I feel this is a great message to give, because one cant take every
piece of information and believe it is going to work. It is better to know some ideas are possible for some people and
not so helpful to others. Like Anns
report, Howard also felt the three-fold self is a very important piece of
information to understand the differences between gender relationships.
Howards
Methods-
His methods were very similar to
Anns report. His method of the
positive bias was a little different than other classmates, but I felt is was a
very good idea. All of the information
was presented in clear and understandable format.
Howards
explanation and Benefits-
Howards explanation of the reports
written by Swedenborgs conjugial love and Leon James article on Discourse were
explained very clear and precise. I
believe Howard benefited from this report by learning how to actually develop a
relationship into the unity model. By
researching information on differences in discourse, biological differences and
language, I feel he has a better understanding of the three-fold self and the
unity model of marriage.
My
Opinion-
I feel the idea of keeping a
positive bias was the greatest piece of information I gathered from this
report. Not only should a person
reading these reports keep a positive bias, but people should keep a positive
bias about all aspects they feel might help them throughout life.
Third
Report from Generation 20-
The third report I choose was
report 2 by Jocelyn
Hostetler. I choose Jocelyn because
in the pre-face she discusses what the first report was about, but also
discusses how she feels the unity model is not relevant to society because she
does not believe god as the creator of man and woman. I thought it would be interesting to see a non-religious persons
point of view of conjugial love and the unity model.
The first part of report 2 was to
self-witness someone close our their own three-fold self. Jocelyn observes her two friends who are
going out. She observes how long they
spend together and what activities they performed together. She then looked at dominance and control
through the sensorimotor self. The
couple did not seem to have control issues.
They both like certain acitivies and had fun together. The next part was negotiation areas of the
cognitive self. The couple shows a
little difference in the cognitive self.
The womans goals are to finish school and get a degree while the male
has two kids from a previous relationship and his focus is on his kids. The
next part of the experiment was on mutual trust through the affective self. They are both getting up in the morning, but
by the start of the day their reasons for their actions are on two different
levels due to cognitive differences listed above.
In the analysis and discussion
section, Jocelyn states by observing the couple she found a better
understanding of gender relationships in a biological view, cultural view, and
in terms of the unity model.
Jocelyns
ideas-
Her ideas were very clear in the
sense that she wanted to find out how the equity model could be better
understood by observing a couple and their three-fold self. Jocelyns ideas in the beginning were a bit
different because she made it clear she was not religious and many of the ideas
by Dr. James presents have religious undertones.
Methods-
Her methods were like the rest of
her classmates and the setup given by Dr. James. Her report was very organized and clear in fact that if I were an
outsider to the class, I would be able to understand the content of the
information.
Explanation
and Benefits
Even though Jocelyn is not a
religious person, this report has allowed her to have a better grasp on gender
relationships. It has even allowed her
to form a better relationship with her homosexual father.
My
Opinion
I have also learned about gender
relationships by looking at the couple in the experiment. They showed me how even though a couple want
to have a relationship in the unity model, some outside factors can overcome
the deepest love. In their case it is
children, age and a previous marriage.
All of these factors will allow both to think on a different cognitive
level.
Fourth
Report From Generation 20
The fourth report I choose was the
second by Chris M. In Chriss preface
he discusses the objectives of his report 1.
This information is valuable because it gives the reader an idea of the
information Chris has been studying.
Many of his ideas of report 2 might stem or relate to report 1. Chris states how todays society is in an
emotional spin cycle. A lot of people
are in such a hurry these days, their emotions are on a roller coaster ride. In order to get their emotions under
control, a lot of people are trying to become more spiritual. Chriss experiment was a collection of daily
logs from generation 16 who were doing a similar report to his.
A main part of his experiment was
the bridge technique.The bridge technique is a technique to bridge the negative
and positive feelings of others/world and yourself by using the sensorimotor,
the cognitive, and the affective for which we have control over. This bridge technique has two zones: red and
blue. The red zone is used to cross
negative to positive thinking about others, and the blue zone crosses negative
thinking to positive of self. The red
zone is how we view others and the world around us, and the blue zone is how we
see ourselves emotionally.
Chris then used a global emotional
scale which scales our general moods.
He then viewed his emotions over a four day period and gave himself a
score. He tried to use the bridge
technique when he was driving and when he was waking up. For Chris waking up is alto easier than
driving. He discusses how he has used
this bridging technique through out his whole life. He didnt know turning a positive into a negative had an actual
scientific name.
In the discussion and analysis,
Chris goes over some of the lessons he learned from the experiment.
Chriss
ideas-
Chriss ideas were much more systematic and concrete than any of
the other reports I read. By this, I
mean there was actual data to show why Chris was thinking the way he was. The reader can view his dissatisfaction of
other people, the amount of productivity he felt and his general mood. This allows the reader to see what Chris was
feeling and give them a better estimation of what he was thinking through his
feelings.
Chriss
method-
His method was much more
scientific. There was data and analysis
which gave the report a different look from the rest of generation twenty. There was a lot of information to follow
throughout but I didnt have any
problems following the information from the tables. Chriss report was defiantly more complex than any other report
and that is why it might be a little more difficult for outsiders to Dr.
Jamess class to read.
Explanation
and Benefits-
Chris defiantly got a lot out of
this report. He learned a lot about his
three-fold self. He learned that he has
many negative emotions but has the ability to change them. He feels that many people including himself
are setting unrealistic goals for themselves and when they fall short they are
too hard on themselves. He also learned
the three-fold self is always in constant motion. This is a very hard idea according to Chris and I would have to
agree with. He also feel the bridge
technique is a very good idea to overcome gender differences. If people can always pull some light out of
bad thoughts, feelings and actions, society would be a better place.
My
Opinion-
I have definitely learned about
the three fold self and more importantly the bridge technique. This is not a new technique to me but a hard
one to practice. A lot of times when
negative feelings come about, they are hard to let go.
Fifth
Report from Generation 20
The
fifth report I choose was the third report by Jennifer
Combs. In the preface of Jennifer's
report, she talks about her previous report and its conclusion. Jennifer
explains her view on the gender unity model.
Jennifers view is that a couple in the unity model has a relationship
that is united spiritually and physically forever. She believes that unity is much smoother in this model and that
the couple must endure the two other stages of Dominance and Equity to reach
Unity. The third section is on some
class presentations and lecture notes of her fellow classmates. Here she talks about some of the ideas she
liked and disliked of her classmates.
For example, she was not in agreement with the idea of how conjugial
love does not come to us naturally. She
was fond of the idea of the unity and conjugial love.
The fourth section was her proposal for
Anti-Value Ratings for Television. AUVs are based on a
particular scale pertaining to something that is related towards anti-unity,
which doesn't relate to unification.
For example: Living
together unmarried, having children out of wedlock. making each other jealous
on purpose and adultery for various reasons.
Jennifers objective was to watch a television program called Every
Body Loves Raymond As Jennifer was
watching the program she observed to see if any of the AUVs were present in
the episode. First she found
manipulating the partner through deception.
In the episode Raymond deceives his wife by lying to her. Then she found the AUV that men are more
important than women. Next she found
the idea that men are more rational than women. The last AUV she found was the
idea that it is ok to agree or disagree about certain topics. As commercials would run, Jennifer would
look at the rating of the AUV scale and put each AUV she observed from the show
onto the scale. In the conclusion,
Jennifer discussed how the report helped her in her own life.
Jennifers ideas were very clear and the
experiment was very clear. I thought it
was pretty creative to relate a popular television show to stereotypes about
women. The shows content is definatley
overlooked by constant humor which could be giving our society the wrong
message.
Jennifers
Methods-
Her set was the same as other classmates
except for her experiment. The
experiment was in a clear and organized setup.
She was able to show her data very clearly by having the gender charts
before the experiment.
Jennifers
explanations and Benefits.
This experiment allowed Jennifer to see how
the media can show gender stereotypes in a family type of show. The use of comedy allows viewers to not
really mind these stereotypes. Jennifer
will try to now look for AUVs in the media and not just pass by them. She will realize they are negative
stereotypes and sort of block the message by not enjoying over learning.
I never really thought about looking for
AUVs before reading this report. Most
of the time I have wathced shows for pure entertainment. When I watch them I am not looking for stereotypes
about women, but I will probably become more alert about AUVs due to Jennifers
report.
The sixth report I
choose was from Ruby Englebrecht. http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/ruby_skies/report3.htm. In the preface, Ruby discusses the effects
of media on our society. Ruby uses the
show on HBO called Sex in The City to show how modern society views gender
relationships. Ruby also believes the
show illustrates the social inequality for women in todays patriarchal
society. In the next section, Ruby
discusses her objectives for report 2.
The introduction
states how the unity model is basically the highest point a couple wants to
reach in their relationship. Ruby
believes the model of unity can be reached by aligning the male and female
together to become one. She continues
to discuss the three-fold self and the three aspects of biology, culture and
socialization that affect the three fold self.
In the next
section, Ruby looked at three reports and listed point of agreement and
disagreement. When Ruby observed
Howards report, she disagreed with the section on conjugial love from Dr.
Jamess Doctrine of The Wife. Ruby
believe that some of Swedenborgs ideas
are a bit sexist. Ruby did agree with
the concept that the male must give himself of up a 100% in order to for the
couple to reach a stage of conjugial love.
Her experiment is
based on the fact that men and women have the need to be loved. There is a hard and soft spot in each
individual and it takes getting to know all sides of person to reach a point
where a successful relationship can be achieved. She starts her experiment by discussing what AUVs are. In her opinion AUVs are apart of the three-fold self of an
individual that is opposing to unity values.
She also states how Sex in The City is an extremely feministic point
of view. Ruby used the list of AUVs
provided by Leon James and made note of any AUVs presented as normal in the
show Sex and the City. For example, a
character in the movie, who is a female, had intercourse with a man and then
asked him to leave right away. The AUV was
objectifying the man and the woman. The
evaluation was that men use women for sex so women should play their game as
well.
Rubys ideas are clear, but I would have to disagree on the fact that the
show Sex and The City takes a feminist point of view. The character who narrates the show and the
other characters who are involved are not feminists. They all like to date men and many times are in the submissive
role while in a relationship. No
feminist would be in the submissive role in my view. Her main idea of the report was that society does have an impact
on the way men and women interact together.
Her presentation of the
report was very clear. She clearly
stated the objective of the experiment and how her ideas were related to the
objectives. She followed the outline given
by Dr. James very well. I believe and
outsider reading this report would have a clear understanding of the
material.
Ruby gained a better understanding of why some feminists have such a
strong feeling toward men. She believes
feminist dont see a foreseeable change in men. Ruby says that men do need to change in order for women to train
them to become conjoint and united with the wife.
Again, I feel the show was not from a feminist view, and also feel that
Ruby goes to much into feminism and doesnt concentrate enough on gender
relationships. I do believe that the
media gives off many stereotypes and negative information to men and women. Negative messages of sleeping around and
using people can only give people the wrong message.
Question 2
Contrast
the three views of gender relationships expressed by Deborah Tannen in Gender
Issues, Laura Schlessinger in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,
and Leon James in The Doctrine of the Wife. Give a summary of your
analysis by creating a chart or table that shows the differences between them
in a systematic way. Give your opinion on the elements or entries in your
chart. How do your own views compare to whats in the chart? How are your ideas
influenced by these three different perspectives on marriage?
In
question 2 I used three different charts to illustrate the views of Deborah
Tannen, Laura Schlessinger, and Dr. Leon James. For each chart I listed three aspects of gender relationships
that would express the view of each author.
The first section was the husbands perspective. The second section was
the role of the wifes perspective. The
last section is the couples perspective.
All three sections show how to enhance gender relationships between
couples. In the analysis section I
contrasted and compared the three tables to show the different view of each
author on gender relationships.
Flow Chart 1 Dr. Leon James, The
Doctrine of The Wife Chart. Dr. James
Doctrine of The Wife Talks about how a couple need to be conjoined as one.
Enlightenment and Wholeness are big factors in reaching the unity mod
Husbands
Perspective
The role of the husband is a very important factor in gender
relationships in marriage. In order for
a couple to reach the unity model the husband must perform many acts of
unselfishness.
The husband was not born from love, so he must learn from his wife.
Dr. James has stated in class that men before enlightenment, are very
selfish and reckless.
The husband must act from his wife and not from himself. Husbands must give in to their wife internal
wisdom of love.
According to professor James, couple that are more Feminized have
deeper and more intimate relationships than say a couple that is Masculinzed.
In order for the male to act form the wife, he must leave his man hood
and learn to think as a woman.
Once the male has been enlightened or has reached his conjoint self, he
then will be able to enter the unity model with his wife.
Wifes Perspective
Since women are already born with the love to align themselves with
their husband, they are almost in a teacher position.
Women must realize their internal knowledge is much superior to mens.
The wife must be patient and teach her husband the internal knowledge
they possess.
The wife must never let the ego of the husband overpower the internal
wisdom she possesses.
The wife must be patient while the couple is in the dominance and equity
model, because it take time for the husband to learn and really love to learn
to act from the wife. The husband
cannot just say he going to act from his wife to make her happy. He must want and love the fact he will be
uniting with his wife and acting from her.
Couples Perspective
The husband must not follow the typical male view of dominating the
relationship due to the fact he is a male.
Our society tells us the male has to make all the decisions and is the leader
of the house. This puts the wife in an automatic submissive position.
Our culture views acting from the wife as being weak. Many males would not want to admit they are
acting from their wives because it would give the impression that they are
whipped or tied around her finger.
It is the wifes duty to train her husband to not align himself with
these cultural norms and stereotypes.
It is the husbands job to help his wife train him how to act from the
wife. The husband can accomplish this
by listening to his wife, not arguing, explain to her his feelings and take
constructive criticism well
Flow Chart Two, Deborah Tannens, Gender and
Discourse. Deborah Tannen uses language
between couples and cultural normalities to show the difference in gender
relationships between men and women.
Husbands Perspective
Men tend to make less eye contact with speakers while talking.
Men prefer to talk when others are not talking.
Men smile less and dont like to ramble
Men find it difficult to understand women.
Men are more sarcastic, use generalizations more and are less patient
while talking
Men interrupt more than women.
Men rely on direct obvious tactics to communicate.
Men are less empathetic and find it harder to express feelings,
especially to women.
Men make less facial expressions and are not able to talk as long as
women
Men talk at further distance than women.
Wives Perspective
Women are born with a better verbal intelligence than men
Women make more eye contact than men.
Women tend to talk at a closer distance than men do.
Women use more indirect tactics to communicate
Women are more cooperative in conversation
Women smile more frequently than men.
Women talk in more detail as men generalize more.
Women have more conversations that contain non-stop verbiage or a flurry
of questions and statements.
Women have the need to talk more often than men.
Women are more empathetic and can relate to the listeners feelings and
thoughts.
Women are better at talking while other people are talking.
Couples Perspective I
used the list of AUVs provided by Leon James and made note of any AUVs
presented as normal in the show Sex and the City. I also added other AUVs to
the list when necessaryI used the list of AUVs provided by Leon James and made
note of any AUVs presented as normal in the show Sex and the City. I also
added other AUVs to the list when necessary
Tannen believes that couples must realize that everyone is different
when it comes to conversation.
It is important to have one speaker at a time. If the wife is talking then the husband must be listening. Even when couples are arguing they must take
turns. This allows each person to have
their opinions expressed.
Couples must learn about biological differences in language. This will give each partner a better
understanding of why the other is acting or speaking as they do.
Each partner must be willing to let the other speak their mind, but must
not allow one or the other to take a submissive role where one individuals
ideas are dominating the conversation.
Each partner should not be afraid to express their opinions to their
partner.
Flow Chart
Three, Dr. Lauras, The Proper Feeding and Caring Of Husbands Dr. Laura. Looks
at enhancing gender relationships through the role of the wife. Dr. Lauras view is more submissive for the
wife. She places a lot of emphasis on
the duty of the wife and less on the husband.
Husbands
Perspective
Dr. Laura does not focus as much on a male perspective. Her book mainly is on a wifes perspective
on how to keep the husband happy.
Wifes
perspective
The three authors had three totally
different type of ideas about gender differences. Dr. Leon James takes an approach where the female takes the lead
in the relationship and it is up to the male to absorb the females internal
knowledge of love. In most relationships,
the women is waiting for the male to find his conjoint self to move into the
unity model. I feel that every couple
must pay their dues in a way. Practice makes perfect and this can be applied to
relationships as well. Couples must go
through the dominance and equity models in order to reach the unity model. Some couples may reach the unity model
quicker than others, but it all depends on the husband. I agree with Dr. James and his ideas on how
the male must act from his wife and not himself in order to reach his conjoint
self. I believe it is a hard concept to
grasp and reach, especially being a young male. I do believe that as males get older and wiser they will be more
willing to want to act from another woman.
Deborah Tannnen discusses how men and women
speak differently due to biological and cultural make-ups. I also agree with Deborah Tannens ideas
because they are more scientific. It makes
total sense that men and women can have differences just based on
discourse. Some of the concepts how men
look away and interrupt more were new ideas for me. I would never realize these concepts if I didnt take this
class. Some times I find myself looking
at people in conversation and try to distinguish any of these concepts. I would have to agree with most of the
information from Tannens chart. One of
the most important aspects of a relationship is how people communicate with
each other. If more couples understood
these biological differences in language, I believe there would be a lot less
divorces and more happy couples.
Dr. Lauras chart shows how a wife should treat
and understand their husbands in order to have a successful relationship. The difference from Dr. James is that Dr.
Laura puts more of the work load on the Wife.
Dr. James believes the wife must train her husband but with the help of the
husband. I feel like Dr. James put the
female on a higher level than the male.
Dr. Laura seems to put the husband on a pedestal for the wife to obey
and understand. Her concepts of
allowing the male to have guy time sounds good from a guys perspective, but
after understanding the unity model, it clearly shows that allowing guys to act
from themselves will not help the relationship. Overall I would have to agree with more of Dr. James concepts
when compared to Dr. Lauras. Dr. James
concepts can be more helpful to relationships, while Dr. Lauras ideas seem to
undermine the wife.
Question
6
Consider
Table 6 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on Making Field Observations.
It gives 20 examples of Behavioral Indicators of One's Relationship Model,
along with Yes/No specifications for the three models. First explain what this
table is trying to show and how it is doing that (give a couple of examples to
illustrate concretely). Include brief explanations for what the three models
are. Second, create a similar table of 20 new items that you make up yourself,
and fill in the Yes/No columns. Calculate the percent overlap. Third, Discuss
what your results show and how such an approach could be expanded to help
couples be more aware of their interaction pattern.
Table 6-
|
|
1 |
2 |
3 |
|
Partners tolerate role differences, either culturally defined or by
personal preference |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
Partners tolerate some disagreements as something normal and
inevitable |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
Partners tolerate status differences between a man and a woman |
Yes |
No |
No |
|
Partners insist on exclusivity so that neither may carry on close friendships
with others |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Partners allow each other privacy or separate activities that the
other is not involved in |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
Partners believe themselves to be married in this life and in the
afterlife in heaven to eternity |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Each partner is tolerant of some of the other's faults and tries to
live with them |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
The man always cooperates with the woman's attempts to change him |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
When partners disagree they negotiate to reach a consensus |
No |
Yes |
No |
|
When partners disagree the man gives in to the woman's way of
thinking |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Partners can't stand being separated even for a few hours, and get
very anxious |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
Partners are mutually interdependent and complementary in all areas |