Report 2:
My Understanding of the Unity Model of
Marriage
By: Michelle Leung
Instructions for this report are at:
www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy21/409b-g21-report2.htm
Question #12
*Consider Table 9 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on
Making Field Observations. It lists two
dozen AUVs-anti unity values that are commonly portrayed in the media-soaps,
comedy, drama. Select at least two
programs for which you can watch several episodes or shows. Briefly describe a few scenes from each show
to illustrate the portrayal of gender interactions that are contrary to having
a successful marriage. Describe the
affective, cognitive, and sensorimotor aspects of these interactions. What are your reactions to these
observations? What is your explanation
as to why these interactions are portrayed so often? What might be the consequences for couples
and society?
1) Soap Opera: Passions
Characters: Theresa, Ethan, Gwen, Rebecca.
Synopsis: Theresa was once married to Ethan. After some turmoil, Theresa and Ethan break-up, and shortly after Ethan goes back to his ex-girlfriend Gwen. Ethan and Gwen get married and tried to have a baby. Once Theresa found out about their baby, she schemed and tried anything possible to get Ethan back. Theresa gets into a fight with Gwen while she’s still carry her baby. Theresa causes Gwen to fall while they were fighting and Gwen eventually miscarries her unborn child. To get even, Gwen’s mother Rebecca tries to get even with Theresa by convincing the Child Protective Services that Theresa is an unfit mother. Rebecca succeeds at this and has Theresa’s first born son taken away. To get even, Theresa gets even with Rebecca and Gwen by pretending to be Gwen’s surrogate mother and carry her eggs without Gwen knowing.
Affective Aspect: Emotions are always the reason why people act the way they do. When people are in love they act and do crazy things to keep that love. When Theresa lost Ethan to Gwen, she felt as if she needed to do anything to break Ethan and Gwen up and get him back for herself.
Cognitive Aspect: The lifestyles of these people are the reason they do what they do. They cheat, scheme, and do anything that stands in their way because they are so use to getting what they want that they will stop at nothing. These people live in a town called Harmony, where most of them are rich people. Their lifestyles influence a great deal of their actions.
Sensorimotor Aspect: The conversations these people have towards each other show their individual uniqueness and style. Each of these characters is able to express their thoughts in schematic ways. This is way Theresa had tricked the hospital in believing that she was Ethan and Gwen’s surrogate mother.
2) T.V. Series: Sex and the
City
Characters: Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda.
Synopsis: This T.V. series is
about four single women living in
Affective Aspect: Each of these four women is caught up in the crazy world of sex, while also thinking about finding true love. Their feelings of wanting to find true love get mixed up in their other feelings of lust.
Cognitive Aspect: Feelings of lust over powers their feelings of love. They figure if they can’t find true love, then can find love for right now. They are always cynical about the notion that when men have sex with various women they are praised. When women do the same, they are known as sluts and whores.
Sensorimotor Aspect: Their actions truly define their behavior toward love; because they can’t find that one true love, they go around dating and sleeping with other guys until this prince charming comes.
I believe that love does really make a person feel and act differently. When most people who think they are in love, they do just about anything to keep that feeling from going away. I think that even when things are going bad in a relationship, people will often think with their hearts and not their minds. They may well be aware that things aren’t the way they should be in a relationship, yet they keep hoping things will change; that maybe their partners will change. The truth of the matter is that no one can change someone. Only the person themselves can change themselves, but only because they want to and not have to. In these two shows that I have analyzed, I see a pattern that it’s often women who are caught up in trying to change love and save the relationship. It’s sort of weird to me, because it’s been said that women are the ones that are more in touch with their feelings. They are the ones that are most likely to analyze every little thing. I guess it’s because they are more into their feelings and motivations than their conceptual moral judgments.
I think that these type of anti unity value interactions are often displayed on T.V. because that’s what people like to watch. It is what makes in interesting and fun to watch. With the twist of each plot it keeps people watching to find out what’s going to happen next. I think that people want to see these type of dramas and that’s why the media portrays it.
There are going
to be consequences from these T.V. dramas because so much of
Question #1
It is sometimes wrongly asserted that men have less feelings than
women. Show that this is not true by
discussing the threefold self and the role of the affective in relation to the
cognitive and sensorimotor. Illustrate
your argument with examples that come from (a) your personal life and (b) from
the media. Do men and women have the
same awareness of (a) their own feelings and (b) their partner’s feelings-how
do they differ? How does this difference
affect the dynamics and progress of the relationships?
Both men and women have the same amount of feelings and emotions. An example in the lecture notes is the fact that it can be observed when you analyze how men behave and react to things moment to moment- with surprise, or with anger, or with being pleased or displeased, feeling like talking or feeling like keeping quiet, being in a good mood or bad, getting excited when telling a story, picking a fight, feeling resentful, liking something, appreciating something, feeling happy about something, etc. These are just a few of the millions of points that prove that men have just as much feelings and emotions that women have. Feelings and emotions are present at all times; it’s basically human nature.
Since we all know that men and women are humans, and are both capable of feelings and emotions there is however some difference to the degree of how we show them. There is also a difference as to how aware or conscious men and women are to these feelings and emotions. Women tend to be more in touch with their inner-self, therefore more in touch with their feelings and emotions. Women also tend to be more aware about their partner’s feelings and emotions. They are the one’s that analyze feelings and emotions more in relationships. As we focused in class, women are the very ones that want to explore and open up the lines of communication when it comes to feelings and emotions in their relationship. Men often object to sharing about their feelings and emotions, and thus they find it unpleasant and often reject it. As in the lecture notes however, this can not be healthy because it gives the women a sense of insecurity; that her partner rejects their relationship in some way or another. If a couple can never get past this stage, there is no hope for conjugial love. It puts them in a constant state of conflict.
According to the lecture notes, a couple needs to learn how to operate their relationship according to the threefold self model. We learn to have relationships at a very young age by modeling our parents. This can be proven by the threefold self model:
Affective: Men and women both have all sorts of feelings and emotions in a relationship. (ex: feelings of love, feelings of happiness, feelings of anger, the desire to be needed and wanted by someone)
Cognitive: Men and women both have thoughts about each other whether it is good or bad (ex: having strong feelings of a good relationship-knowing that it’ll last, having doubts about the relationship)
Sensorimotor: men and women act accordingly to their partners (ex: trying to impress each other, hostile words when fighting, showing affection towards one another.)
The affective aspect basically operates what we think, and thus guides the other two domains; cognitive and sensorimotor. Affective aspect influences the cognitive level in which makes us think the way we do. In turn the affective and cognitive will guide the sensorimotor, which is what we actually do about the situation, our reactions towards things.
(a) Before taking this class and reading all these interesting things, I really did believe that men really had less feeling than women. For example, through my own personal experiences with my boyfriend, he fit every characteristic of a typically stereotyped kind of guy. He often didn’t say much about anything and wasn’t really good about going into details about any subject that I brought up. I use to think that he really did have less feelings and emotions, only because he didn’t show them much no matter how hard I try to force it out of him. After reading the lecture notes and books I saw things from a different perspective. I know that as a woman I will always try to force him to let out his feelings and emotions so that we could both understand them together, and yes he often rejects it. For example, when we argue and I get really angry, he’ll say things like “oh I’m sorry!” and I would ask him what he’s sorry for and he says “for being mean and rude,” and he says it in a joking manner, which makes me think that he doesn’t really care. I think that he says it in a sarcastic way so he doesn’t to admit that what he did to make me angry was wrong, because really he doesn’t think so. I think it’s like I am giving more and more and not getting any kind of response or reciprocality of feelings.
(b) In the media, there are kind of both views that may portray men and their feelings and emotions. I think that however, the majority of the media will focus on men being a masculine creature that doesn’t show any kind of “conjoining” type of feelings and emotions. I think that this is particularly true because of all the reality shows that are on T.V. When they show segments of men talking about something that’s going on it that show, they often show little emotion, or only emotions of masculinity (i.e. anger, frustration)
(a) I think that men and women do have different awareness of their own feelings. In a sense I think women are more in tuned with their own feelings. They often have some type of mood, and they are the ones that stop and think why. Women tend to think about things in greater detail and thus this leads to greater thinking of their own feelings. Men on the other hand, usually don’t let things bother them. In a sense they will take things as they come and go. They don’t usually spend much time thinking why. Although this is not necessarily true for all men, it’s true for the majority of men.
(b) I think that men and women definitely have a different awareness of their partner’s feelings. For the women, they are much more interested in their partner’s feelings. They often want their partner’s to be sensitive and considerate of their feelings. This is the reason why women often prod this partner’s to share their feelings. For the men, I basically think that they just don’t have much awareness of their partner’s feeling, basically just due to the fact that they don’t want to think about it. However, I think that the way a couple talks to each other has a lot to do with it also. According to Gender & Discourse by Deborah Tannen, she makes the point that women are often tend to be more indirect when they speak. Men tend to speak more directly, and thus sometimes may sound wrong and mean, which makes the women feel bad.
Due to the fact that men and women have different levels of awareness about their feelings, it puts their relationship in jeopardy. For one thing, a women may be too emotional and pushy, which can result to pushing the men away because they object to conjoining. A women must understand that they can never change a person that doesn’t want to be changed. A man must love a woman enough to make things work and compromising is the key. Couples need to communicate with each other and be more aware of each others feelings. If a couple can’t understand each other’s feeling they will be at a level of constant conflict. If they are stuck in this level, they will never be able to conjoin together in conjugial love. They will never be able to move forward in their relationship.
Question #6
Consider Table 6 in the Lecture Notes, which is in the Section on
Making Field Observations. It gives 20
examples of Behavioral Indicators of One’s Relationship Model, along with
Yes/No specifications for the three models.
First explain what this table is trying to show and how it is doing that
(give a couple of examples to illustrate concretely). Include brief explanations for what the three
models are. Second, create a similar
table of new items that you make up yourself, and fill in the Yes/No
columns. Calculate the percent
overlap. Third, discuss what your
results show and how much such an approach could be expanded to help couples be
more aware of their interactions.
In Table 6 of the lecture notes, Making Field Observations, the chart is trying to show the comparison between the different models. It gives specific situational examples of the phases of growth in marriage. Given a particular situation, follows a columns of yes/no, showing if each of these models agrees or disagrees with the particular situation. The chart is a visual way in which people can distinguish the differences of each model. For example, situation 1 states: Partners tolerate role differences, either culturally defined or by personal preference. The dominance level states “yes”, the equity model states “yes”, and the unity model states “yes.”
Dominance Model: Dominance is the first level of he threefold self of the husband and wife must conjoin themselves. It includes zones 1,2,3. In this first stage couples do things together that involve physical enjoyment of each others company. Couples can do things like eating, touching, holding, dancing, and other various activities. The two partners are only joined externally. Their life centers on what choices they make together at the sensorimotor level. (Zone 1.) Because they are only physically together, they are not together at the cognitive and affective levels of conjoining.
Equity Model: Equity is the model is the view that must couples will take today. They have adopted the new culture and philosophy of relationships, which is stepping away from the dominance level. In this level, couples tend to think and act with shared negotiations and agreements. They are much more open with each other and are more able to listen to their partner’s point of view. If disagreements should arise, couples learn how to compromise. Because of compromise and understanding of each others view, they will reach the cognitive level of conjunction. Cognitive level is often achieved with understanding and an open mind to listen to others feelings and being able to compromise.
Unity Model: The last and inmost phase of achieving conjugial love is reaching the unity level of a relationship. This can be achieved with successful completion of gaining understanding of the cognitive and sensorimotor levels. Achieving the unity model is the ultimate goal of a relationship. A couple can not achieve this level without both partners abandoning the two other levels. In the unity model, a husband has adopted a new philosophy of their relationship. The husband must become spiritually enlightened to reach this level in their relationship.
Behavioral Indicators of One’s
Relationship Model
|
Behavioral
Indicator’s |
Dominance Model |
Equity Model |
Unity Model |
|
1. The original passion of love increases as time passes by. |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
2. When couples get into an argument, the wife will often give into her husband. |
Yes |
No |
No |
|
3. Couples can’t stand to be with each other 24/7. |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
4. When a wife gives too much in a relationship, and a man only receives, the love starts to diminish. |
Yes |
Yes |
Yes |
|
5. A wife has to the right to tell her husband not to be friends with a certain woman. (Because the woman makes the wife feel threatened) |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
6. Both husband and wife has the right to do their own things (i.e. hang out with their group pf friends) without having to tell the other about it. |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
7. Partner’s shouldn’t feel threatened if their partner’s best friend is someone of the opposite sex. |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
|
8. It’s ok for a wife to have the desire to be first in her husband’s mind. |
No |
Yes |
Yes |
|
9. It’s ok for husband and wife’s to have fantasies of people of the opposite sex, as long as they’re both ok with it. |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
10. Partner’s do everything in their power to please each other. |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
|
11. Partner’s do not believe that they are married in the afterlife. |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
12. Men feel that there are certain things that are expectable for them to do, but not for women. |
Yes |
No |
No |
|
13. Partners always try to get even for in an argument. |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
14. Husbands are more intellectual than wives. (In a logical sense) |
Yes |
No |
No |
|
15. The view that husbands should be the bread winners, and wives should give up their careers and stay at home raising the children is ok. |
Yes |
No |
Yes |
|
16. Couples should never go to bed feeling angry at each other. |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
17. When there is a disagreement, partners should talk it over instead of feeling angry. |
No |
Yes |
No |
|
18. Wife has the right to try to change her husband for the better. |
No |
No |
Yes |
|
19. When there is an argument, it’s ok to express hostility as a way of making your point. |
Yes |
Yes |
No |
|
20. Husbands and wives should talk to each other in a lovable manner, no matter what mood they’re in. |
No |
No |
Yes |
Percentage Overlap
In my
contrastive analysis, it shows that the dominance model has an 50% overlap in
answers with the equity model but only 15% overlap with the unity model. The equity model has 30% overlap with the
unity model. I think that this is so
because new behavior indicators were kind of hard to come up with, so most of
mines are more towards the negative side of things. It does however clearly show that achieving
the conjugial level of love is by far the hardest and requires a real open mind.
The behavioral indicators that I had choose were mostly, favored to the dominance model just because certain situations were much easier to think of and most importantly, more common. However, the results do show that the dominance level and the equity model were much more similar than the unity model. The unity model is the most difficult to achieve, because people are unwilling to change their attitudes about things. Today, we have the philosophy that people are all equally created with equal rights, therefore we stand by our own believes strongly. We are unwilling to change our views to please someone else, and that is why most of us do not get to the conjugial level of love.
Question #5
Select six student reports on marriage from Generation 20, as listed
in the
1) Report 1: Gender Unity: Annotated Bibliography-By: Brigitlynn Duclos http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/408bs2004/duclos/report1.htm
Summarization:
In the first part of the report, Duclos cited
three different reports of students from a prior generation. In these three reports she summarizes what it
was about.
First Report-By: Kristin Ching http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2002/kris/report1.html
In this report Ching talks about the Emotional
Spin Cycle-Four Options and the
Second Report-By: Nicole Reaves http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2001/reaves/report1.html
This report was also about the Emotional Spin Cycle. It reports about how people are often spending their days on the negative side of the emotional cycle. The model then helps people understand the differences between the positive and negative sides of the cycle, and how it is possible to change from negative to positive. This report also cites that the model is based on the threefold self mode.
Third Report-By: Bellow http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2003/bellew/report1.htm
In this report, it mainly focuses on coping with new information behaviors. The assignment was to examine other student’s information behavior.
In the second part of the report, Duclos writes an introduction of the topic of the this course, gender and discourse. Focusing on the threefold self model, students have the opportunity to examine various types of relationships and apply it to the threefold self model. The purpose was to explain what students will gain from this course and how they can apply it to their own personal experiences.
In
the third part of the report, Duclos write about different articles of studying
different categories. The first category
is: Articles on Gender Relationships, the
second is: Generational Curriculum: Student
Reports on Gender and Driving, the third is: Articles on Analyzing
Talk by Leon James, and lastly the fourth is: Generational Curriculum: Student Reports on Analysis of Talk.
Category 1: Articles on Gender
relationships:
The five articles in this category focus on
the feelings and emotions of men and women.
It shows how they differ. Each
article has a different perspective to it.
This is important in that it shows the differences of gender and
discourse in various settings.
Category 2: Generational Curriculum: Student
Reports on Gender and Driving: The two articles here focus on the
differences of driving norms between men and women. It examines the men and women characteristics
and shows how they are related to their driving norms, Some of this characteristics include
frustration, aggression, and rage.
Category 3: Articles on Analyzing Talk by Leon
James:
These two articles discuses the five elements
that explain why we talk: topic, argument, sequence, relationship and
setting. It discusses how these elements
are essential on conversational styles.
Category 4: Generational Curriculum: Student
Reports on Analysis of Talk:
In this section, Duclos examined the reports
of pass UHM psychology students. Their
report assignment was to answer questions that they were given. They were to analyze through the models given
and also their own reactions to the questions.
Their reports were similar to our first report, how we monitor our own
behavior.
In the fourth part of Duclos’s report, she
write a conclusion on how doing this assignment has helped her realize the
differences of gender and discourse in relationships.
In the fifth and last part of her report she
gives some advice to future generations.
Conclusion:
(a) Britilynn Duclos analyzed the articles and
reports according to the threefold self model
She summarizes the articles and reports and then inputs her own ideas and
feelings into how she feels about each concept.
(b) Britilynn Duclos, first explain the articles
and reports. She explained their purpose
and how these students come to reach their conclusion.
(c) Britilynn Duclos, mostly sides with the
articles and reports. She believes that
the differences in gender and discourse are an important aspect to examine in
relationships. It’s important to know
the cognitive as well as biological differences of men and women.
I think that Britilynn Duclos gained a lot
for doing her Report 1. The threefold
Self Model and the Emotional Spin Cycle expanded her ideas and views of how and
why people behave as they do. It has
taught her about her own emotions and given her insight to pay attention more
to the positive side of things instead of the negative sides. After reading this report, I do agree with
Duclos, that gender roles and stereotypes will stay the same. We grew up in a masculinized society, so we
already have views instilled in us. Yes,
it is possible to change these views, but it also takes a lot of hard work and
time. You must be in the state of mind
in which you want to change. The unity
model is a great goal for many of us to achieve, but yet it can only be
achieved when we give up our old selfish views.
2) Report 2: Gender Unity: Annotated Biography-By: Suzanne
Howard http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/howard/report1.htm
Summarization:
In the first part of the
report, Howard cited three
different reports of students from a prior generation. In these three reports she summarizes what it
was about.
First Report-By: Bridget Antonio http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2002/antonio/report1.htm
In this first report, Antonio discusses the threefold self model. She states that it is important to understand each element. The first and foremost important in the affective level; as to what we are feeling. Without the understanding of the affective self, we are not able to understand the cognitive; what we think, and sensorimotor; our actual actions.
Second Report-By: “Special K” http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bf2002/boyer/bibliography.htm
In this second report,
“Special K” focuses on rage and rage against women. “Special K” focuses on the rage and crimes
against women of
Third Report-By: Czarina Naranjo http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459s98/naranjo/webnet.html
In this third article, Naranjo talks about the driving differences of men and women. She discusses how people often stereotype women as bad drivers. She says that people who stereotype women as bad drivers are very biased. They continue to think this way even though studies and research have shown that men tend to be more aggressive drivers. However, Howard disagrees with the biased statement that Naranjo makes and says she is ignoring the details of the data.
In the second part of Howard’s report, is an introduction to this course. The bulk of the course focuses on the book Gender and Discourse by Deborah Tannen and related articles from the web. Howard believes that this course is not to persuade people to think differently, but rather to open their minds to new ideas and concepts that ‘could be.”
In the third part of the report, Howard writes about different articles of studying different categories. The first category consists of the articles of: the Doctrine of the Wife- By Leon James, Conjugial Love Stories- By Emanuel Swedenborg, The Revolt of Women: By W.L. Gladish, Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently- By Deborah Tannen and The Enjoyment of Sexist Humor, Rape Attitudes, and Relationship Aggression in College Students- By Ryan and Kanjorski. In category two it consists of:
Gender Differences in Driving: Does Sex Matter- By Wendy Tagmori and
Gender Differences in Driving Norms- By
Cara Lucey. The third category consists of: The Behavioral Technology of Discourse
Analysis- By Leon James, and The Empirical Investigation of
Conversation: The Closing Problem- By Leon James. The fourth and final
category consists of:
Category 1:
Doctrine of the Wife-By
Howard writes about that the Doctrine of the Wife is sort of like a spiritual guide that helps husbands to overcome their resistance to conjugial love and help them become spiritually enlightened. Howard states three main points of the guide:
1. It states that a woman is born with an internal longing for marriage and spiritual union. While men on the other hand, are born with an inclination for having multiple se partners and often resists conjugial love. She believes that there are men and women who can fit into these categories. She points out that women can also resist conjugial love.
2. Her second point states that a person is only truly and completely human when they are at the unity stage in a marriage relationship. Howard states that she does not believe with these believe. She states that anyone can be considered human and you don’t need to achieve conjugial love to be considered “fully” human.
3. Howard’s last point states that when a wife requests something of eh husband, he must oblige even if he does not agree with it. She also doesn’t agree with this point because it’s saying that a wife’s affections are infallible.
Conjugial Love Stories-By Emanuel
Swedenborg http://www.swedenborgdigitallibrary.org/CL/conjunc.htm
In this article, Howard reports the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg. Swedenborg believed that conjugial love is the greatest love between a man and a woman. Swedenborg starts off explaining that conjugial love is the joining of two souls and two minds into one. He states that these blessings are not at all possible except in a marriage of one man and one wife. Howard disagrees with this because she believes that many people can be in a unity relationship even when you’re not married. She also states that gay men and lesbian women also can be in the state on conjugal love. I have to agree with her on this one. It is bias to say that only one man and one wife can be in a conjugial relationship. I think it all depends on the person and it shouldn’t matter what sexual orientation you are, as long as you are united into one soul. Another statement that Swedenborg makes is that a husbands duties include understanding, thought and wisdom; while a wife’s duties include will, affection and love. An example that Howard gave was that a wife’s duty is to take care of the children. I have to disagree with this one also because we are living in a whole new generation today. Views and perspectives of women have changed. Women are now seen able and capable of doing much more than they could years ago.
The Revolt of Women-By W.L. Gladish http://www.newchurchissues.org/wip/MF/mf15wg.htm
In this article Howard writes
about the teachings of Swedenborg.
Swedenborg states that each soul comes into contact with God for certain
things. The Lord gives the man
understanding, for which he must give to the woman. The Lord gives woman love, for which she
gives in the man. Therefore, making the
man and woman dependent on each other. I
agree with Howard that it is really hard to grasp this concept. It doesn’t seem logical that a man can only
have love if she receives it from the man; and vice versa with women and
understanding. It’s kind of hard to grasp
the concept of the
Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently-By Deborah Tannen http://www.georgetown.edu/faculty/tannend/chronicle061991.htm
In this article Howard writes about the writings of Deborah Tannen. Tannen states that men and women talk differently and that is why they learn differently in the classrooms; she also states that teachers should take them into consideration when teaching the different genders. Tannen states that men often do more of the talking than women in classrooms. Howard then goes on to write about her experiences of grade school in a co-ed school and then high school in a all girls school. I do believe that men and women do talk differently, but I think it depends more on the setting of the situation. In a co-ed classroom, women tend to be more reserved and I think it’s just because girls care about what people think more than boys do. A second point that Tannen makes is that there are differences in men and women’s casual conversational style. This tends to be quite true because women are just more into their feelings and emotions, therefore they often talk about their problems more than men do. When men get together with their friends they tend only to talk very masculine. This routine actions of speaking occur in our daily lives and that’s how we notice them so often.
The Enjoyment of Sexist Humor, Rape Attitudes, and Relationship Aggression in College Students- By Ryan and Kanjorski www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/m2294/n9-10_v38/20914088/p1/article.jhtml
This article explores the relationship and enjoyment of sexist humor and rape-supportive attitudes, sexually coercive behavior, and courtship violence in college men and women. Ryan and Kanjorski found that rape-supportive and sexist attitudes may be found in young men’s conversations for the enjoyment and humor. It is typically true that men will engage in these types of conversation styles. In the world today, the topic of sex just gets thrown around like nothing. Often jokes are made about it and people don’t think anything of it. However, studies have shown that sexiest jokes and sexual aggression is correlated.
Category 2:
Gender Differences in Driving: Does Sex Matter- By Wendy Tagomori http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459f98/tagomori/report2.html
In this article, it was a report done by a student of Dr. James. Her report was based on a questionnaire about the gender differences in driving philosophies. Tagomori’s questionnaire found that the total score for males on aggressiveness was significantly higher than the females. Tagomori states that men tend to drive moderately aggressively, and women both drive aggressively and passively depending on their personalities and their moods. I would have to agree that this is true. Men tend to be more aggressive and yes, women drive according to their mood, which might be a dangerous thing also. In the survey she also mentions that women often do not compete with or challenge other drivers on the road. Men were half and half on the question. I do believe that men and women are equally competitive on the road.
Gender Differences in Driving Norms- By Cara Lucey http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459ss97/clucey/report2.html
In this section, Lucey reports on the results of another student of Dr. James. Lucey states that aggressive driving has gone up 7% since 1990. She also says that aggressive driving is becoming a social norm, therefore we are promoting aggressive behavior. Lucey also commented that “women choose to have the men drive.” She thinks this is due to gender roles and expectations. I think this could be partly true, due to the submission of women’s role to men. Although, as Lucey stated men drivers feel a sense of loss of control and damage to their pride. I think that this statement is partially un-true, due to the fact that men know days except the fact that women are able and capable to do many things well, including driving. It’s more like a bias statement.
Category 3:
The Behavioral Technology of Discourse Analysis-By
In this section Howard discusses the work of Dr. James. This article is about the organization of discourse: sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective. It states that overt discourse depends on our inner mental states. In simpler terms what we say and do depends on what we are feeling and thinking at all times. Sensorimotor (actions), cognitive (thoughts), affective (feelings) are the three main elements of our behaviors. Another aspect that determines our discourse is our environment. An example Howard cites is we think about different things when we are driving, in a classroom, or when we write a letter. Environment is an important factor to determine how we say things and what is deemed appropriate to say.
The Empirical Investigation of Conversation: The Closing Problem- By Leon James www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/499cl97/march/f5.html
In this article by Dr. James, it discusses how conversations come to an end and what the participants do to bring an on-going conversation to a close. A beginning and closing of a conversation is often marked by a foreclosing proposal. The second individual will either go along with the proposal to end the conversation or they can decline the foreclosing proposal and continue talking. I find that this is very true. It’s like when people are trying to end a conversation, they make closing remarks I think as a submissive way of trying to end a conversation. In other words they may use indirectness as a means of getting a point across.
Category 4:
Island Memories- By Gregg
Suzuki http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/409as97/greggs/499/greggshome.html
In this last category, Howard
writes on a semi-autobiographical account of
Conclusion:
(a) Suzanne Howard does her report by analyzing different articles about gender differences and discourse. She analyzes each article and then puts in her thoughts and opinions about each point. For the most part, I do agree with her, especially about the writings about Swedenborg. It is a rather interesting topic, yet I find it a little bias.
(b) Howard’s methological approach to writing this report is to summarize each article and then analyzing it from the author’s perspective and then her own.
(c) Howard explains everything in much detail as possible. The articles she wrote on was about gender and discourse and her view point is that women and men are equal now and that women are capable to do anything men are able to do. However she also keeps her own perspective in that when discussing gender there she points out the differences in men and women. For example, the driving articles; she agrees that women are less aggressive but they also drive depending on their mood, which may be true to men also.
I think that Howard gained a lot from doing this report. She got a greater understanding of the differences between men and women and of gender relationships in general. Howard believes that if someone truly understands this material and puts effort into incorporating the concept into their lives, it can help an individual in achieving a great relationship and thus helping them reach the unity level of a relationship. I do agree with her about the concepts of the material. Stereotypes will never diminish because people will always have their beliefs and nothing much can change that. In order to grasp the ideas and concepts of Swedenborg and Dr. James, you must have an open mind and be able to accept it as just an idea. If you really think about it, some things seem practical and able to be achieved.
3) Report 2: Applied Project: Mapping the Threefold Self in Gender in Relationships-By Jennifer Combs http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/combs/report%202.htm
Summarization:
In the first section of Combs report, she writes a preface about the whole report. She explains that report one was about looking up articles and then analyzing it to the fullest. They were to explain how these articles pertain to the unity model.
In the second part of the report, she describes the an individuals experiences in observing our daily routines and activities and how it applies to the cognitive, sensorimotor, and affective self. She then uses various student reports to analyze some examples.
In the third part of the report, Combs does an experiment in which she analyzes her relationship with her husband. First she read questions and then her and her husband would discuss them. The questions were based on dominant areas of a relationship. Secondly, she looked into the negotiation areas in which she also asked questions and then they discussed it. In the last part of her experiment she also did a question and discussion part where she asked questions about trust and mutual dependence.
Dominant or
Control Areas (Sensorimotor):
For the most part she finds most of her situations as equal. That neither her husband nor she gains dominance or control over situations. For example, the first question was “Who gets to hold the remote control?” She says that for the most part her husband holds the remote control, but they usually don’t’ channel surf and often decide on what to watch together before hand. Here, it wasn’t really an issue because they probably both have the same interest, and thus enjoys watching most of the same things. Another question was “How much influences are each partner willing to take from the other regarding how to behave with family and friends?” Her conclusion was that she will usually take control in which influence how he should act around friends and family. Her husband usually doesn’t take into account behavior issues. I think that this is so because men are straight forward and much more direct. Women are more indirect when speaking in conversations and thus they have to keep a composure and show proper manner and educate. I think that this may be due to the fact that women care more than men what people think.
Negotiation
Areas (Cognitive Self):
In this area, it seems as if they are both on the same level as to communication wise. They do not see each other as one dominating another. Most of the decisions they make concern both of them and that’s a good thing. They seem as if they are at the equity model, where they have fewer arguments. This is also because they are cognitively joined together. She finds that they both influence each other’s actions and behaviors.
Trust and
Mutual Dependence (Affective Self):
For the most part, they seem both really inclined to what the other person thinks. They take into considerations their actions and motives for doing things; and their partner’s responses do matter. In the last question however, it states: “How committed is each partner to the idea of total unity (e.g. feeling free to raise and talk about any topic, feeling motivated to eliminate all disagreements between them by wanting to change for the sake of the other?)” and her answer was that the hardest part was to change one’s views and beliefs about things. In order to achieve conjugial love, you have to change everything negative about yourself to be joined with the other and I don’t think that’s right. Changing for the sake of other would kind of e like lying to yourself about who you really are. Maybe it’s possible, but I’m a little skeptical about that.
In the last part of her report she leaves analysis and discussion about her report. She writes about what she has gained from doing this experiment.
Conclusion:
(a) I think that Combs idea of his report was really well thought out in great detail. Her method was to analyze her own relationship in terms of the different areas of observations listed in the lecture notes.
(b) The chart made it easier to understand the differences in the level of her relationship with her husband.
(c) I do agree with her that the hardest part is to change yourself for the sake of your partner. I think it’s kind of bad to disregard everything you’ve ever believed in and change it to please your partner.
I think that she gained a lot by doing this experiment. Concludes that by doing her experiment it made her realize the good and bad about her relationship. She realizes that there’s not a sense of dominance in her relationship, rather they are at the equity level of their relationship. It also helped her gain a better understanding of gender relationships in a clearer view in terms of unity, equity, biology, and culture.
4) Report 2: Applied Project: Mapping the Threefold Self in Gender Relationships-By Ann http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/ann/report2.htm
Summarization:
In the first section of Ann’s report, she writes a preface about the whole report. She explains that report one was about looking up articles and then analyzing it to the fullest. They were to explain how these articles pertain to the unity model. The purpose of this report was to see how it can be applied to actual life situations.
In the second part, Ann explains what self-witnessing is; “the only way to know what you think and feel.” She then goes on to list a few articles in which individual’s can learn to observe themselves in certain types of setting and situations.
In the third part, she explains that in her experiment, she did a sort of a questionnaire in which her boyfriend agreed to participate in. She would ask questions to access how the threefold self operated in her relationship. In doing her experiment, she made it so they were in separate rooms. This discounted the bias that one would influence the other’s answers to the questions. The questionnaire was divided into three categories: Dominance or Control Areas (Sensorimotor Self), Negotiation Areas (Cognitive Self), then lastly Trust and Mutual Dependence (Affective Self).
Dominance or
Control Areas (Sensorimotor Self):
In this area, it seems as if her boyfriend listens to her for the most part. They never have any arguments as to where to go to eat, where to go to hang out, etc. As long as they both raise their interest and let the other person know, they get along good.
Negotiation Areas (Cognitive Self):
In this section,
the first question: “How does each react when one shows motivation to influence the
other?” Her boyfriend answers that he
doesn’t really care about anything else but money, he thinks that money is the
way to happiness in life. However, she
believes that there are far more important things to achieve in life than
money. I think that maybe she wishes he
has a more open mind about happiness and life, but she also knows that she
can’t change his view and rather than accepting that, she tries to persuade him
that there’s more to life than money.
That doesn’t mean that he is going to change for her.
Trust and Mutual
Dependence (Affective Self):
In this section, she
explains that they both have their differences in views and believes that she thought
that this was an obstacle at first, but then realizes that that is what makes
it an enjoyable experience. To me I
think that this might be a bad thing. If
there are so many differences, it’s only going to take time before things get
out of hand. Speaking from experience, I
think that you have to agree on most things.
If there is a disagreement, then you have to discuss it openly. On the other hand, there is that saying that
opposites attract. I think that this
means that it does attract people, yet only in the sensorimotor level of a
relationship.
In the last part of her report, she
ends with an analysis and discussion about her report. She writes about her explanations and what
she has gained from doing this experiment.
Conclusion:
(a) In this report, I
think that Ann’s idea of a good relationship is somewhat more in the
sensorimotor level. It seems that they
do have an understanding of each other, yet there are some aspects that they
don’t agree on.
(b) In this report, Ann
did a questionnaire type of experiment to analyze her relationship with her
boyfriend.
(c) She explains that
their differences is what makes their relationship fun and challenging because
they can learn something new about each other
all the time.
Ann gained a better
understanding about her relationship with her boyfriend. She believes that they are not in the
ultimate unity level model, but rather they are on the equity model. She believes that this experiment helped her
gained a better understanding of their relationship. She has gained a lot from learning what each
other think and feel. She believes that
her report has proved that her relationship has grown since the beginning. I do agree with Ann that whether r not the
couple can reach the unity model is up to their “will” and “desire” to be
joined together as one. All other
factors should not matter. This model is
a very interesting and debatable model, yet all in all it does see a little
optimistic. I think that people can work
at their relationship, but the one thing they should always remember is that
they can never change a person.
5) Report 3:
My Proposal for TV Ratings on Anti-Unity Values (AUV) in Gender Behavior-By
Chris M. http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/chrism/report3.htm
In the first part of his report,
Chris wrote about his prior reports. He
explains what his third report is about.
He writes about Anti-Unity Values (AUV) on television. Anti-Unity Values are values that do not
promote gender unity, rather it’s the opposite.
This seems like a very interesting topic, since we see it in our
everyday lives. Mostly, we see this in
the media. For this report, the purpose
is to make people more aware of cultural and social attitudes of gender
behavior and relationships.
In the second part of Chris’s
report, he about prior reports in which he analyzes how the threefold self
model plays an important role in gender relationships. He then writes about the accounts of his
other classmates and what they think about the threefold self model.
In the third part Chris analyzes
three oral presentations:
Oral 1: Topic: Reference
11: “Doctrine of the Wife for Husbands: A Spiritual Practice for Achieving
Unity”
In this oral, the
student discusses the Doctrine of the Wife for Husbands. The first point that they make is that a
person’s strongest desire, in marriage, is to be united in conjugial love. Chris believes that this is all part of the
gender unity model. In this model, the
couple’s ultimate goal is to be united into one soul. A couple tries to become truly conjoint by
using the threefold self model. The
second point that this student makes is that husbands are more resistant to
conjugial love because their wives have a different spiritual make-up than they
do. In this point, Chris thinks that it
has to do with the gender unity model once again. His reasoning is that women are more aware of
their own feelings and their partner’s, so they have an advantage in reaching
unity.
In the next part,
the student writes about disagreements on the ideas of gender unity. Their first point stating: “the husband
cannot disagree nor have differing opinions with his wife because this can not
exist in a conjugial couple in heaven.”
Chris thinks that this is not possible unless they are married for a
very long time. I think that this is
also impossible, because the wife is not always right. There are times when we can’t tell, how will
we know for sure? The second point that
this student makes is: “most people, and especially men, are very resistant to
this type of (conjugial) love due to the evil tendencies that we have inherited
from our parents.” I think that this is
semi true. Sure we have traits,
characteristics, and beliefs that we have instilled in us, but are it possible
to change all of these? Especially for
the sake of someone else?
Oral 2: Topic:
Feminine Wisdom (www.newchurchissues.org/wip/MF/mf97es.htm
In this oral, the student analyzes
the ideas of gender unity. Their first
point is: Masculine and feminine wisdom are equal but also different. Chris states that this is related to the
gender unity model because in the model the couple has a differentiation of
parts but yet reciprocity. They are
different, but they fit well together. It
is like they are complementary of each other, and that was God’s purpose in
creation of men and women. Their distinctions
are what make them conjoin together as one.
In the next part, the student writes
about disagreements on the ideas of gender unity. The first point that they make is:
“prejudices arise from modern living complexities.” Chris says that this statement is not clear
and that prejudice may have an underlying contextual meaning. For example, he says that equality does not
lead to accidental childbirths.
Oral 3: Reference 12: Chapter 2, Section 4, “The Surrendered Wife vs. the Surrendered Husband”
In this oral it states that if a couple wants to achieve the unity level, he must become the “surrendered husband.” Chris states that this statement is also related to the gender unity model in which it states that a husband must give up all his powers to his wife in order to ever achieve conjugial love. It states that if a husband is truly making an effort to conjoin with this wife, then he will give up his ways. He gives up is view of masculinity and dominance to comply with her. The second point that the student makes is: “a women’s responsibility for reaching conjugial love.” It is the wife’s responsibility to make sure that she unites with her husband in conjugial love. The wife is the one that makes this happen, because she is created out of love and that love was meant for conjoining two souls into one.
In the next part, the student writes about the disagreement of ideas in gender unity. The first point states: “a complete man vs. half a man.” It states that a man is not completely a man until he is married. Chris believes that this is not so because it shouldn’t matter if you’re married or not. There are a lot of different people out there in the world, and who is it to judge whether someone is happy in life or not?
In the fourth part of his report,
Chris proposes his view on AUV ratings on TV.
He first explains that (AUV’s) are values that do not promote unity. He begins by explaining what AUV’s are and
gives an example. His example was: Some
AUV’s are making one another jealous, having the idea that men are more
important, lying/deception, promiscuity, etc.
AUV ratings are ratings that rank how far away or close couples are in
promoting values of unity.
What he did in his procedures is
pick a television shows that specifically dealt with couples and their
relationships. He also picked shows that
he thought dealt with gender unity values.
He then compiled a list of what he thought were displays of AUV’s. He then created a scale on how to measure the
intensity of the AUV’s. He did this to
determine how close or far apart they were from achieving the unity level of a
relationship.
The first show that
he picked is: “The Kings of
AUV observations:
-Making decisions without other
partner (doing things behind the partner’s back.)
-Lying/deceitful (influencing one’s
partner by trickery.)
-Not listening to the partner.
His rating for this
show is 4, which means it’s almost close to gender unity. He did this because in the show, it came out
that the husband starts to rationalize with his wife, giving into her. The situation was that he lied and was about
to buy a house by not telling his wife, then later he realizes that he was
wrong and let his wife know that he was wrong and then let her take control of
the situation.
The second show that
he picked is: “Fraiser”
AUV observations:
-Not
listening to his wife.
-Lying/deceitful
(going behind her back)
-Not
believing in partner (and questioning it as it she is wrong)
-Having
separate thoughts than one another.
His rating for this show is also a 4. In says it’s a 4 because in the end he truly
accepts what she has said to begin with.
She had a psychic vision in which he was going to get hurt. He admits that he was wrong for not listening
to her. This relates to the gender unity
model because at first he disagrees with her, but in the end he realizes that
he was wrong and accepts what she says is true and doesn’t doubt it.
In
the fifth part of his report, Chris then explains the rating scale that he had
created to rate this television shows he analyzed. Chris’s rating scale is as followed:
AUV Rating Scale:
1-Not
all that close to gender unity.
2-Kind
of/sort of close to gender unity, not quite
3-Somewhat
to unity.
4-Almost
there
5-Totally
united.
At
the end he adds a conclusion stating that he wasn’t sure if this assignment
helped him truly identify the social and cultural attitudes in our society
regarding gender relationships. He
thinks that most shows on television are mostly, of dominance or “leeway”
towards the women. Women are always
portrayed to be the smart ones and the ones that make the right decisions
almost all the time. In the end however,
he states that he doesn’t think that his views and beliefs about social and
cultural attitudes in media has changed from the beginning of the semester. All in all he thinks that the ideas and
concepts brought up in television shows represent his own point of view on
things in society.
Conclusion:
(a)
His ideas
are basically the same as the ideas portrayed in the media. He thinks that relationships in the most part
are about the dominance of men over women or women over men.
(b)
In his
report, he clearly states what he is doing, and adds in examples of television
shows that portray AUV’s. He clearly
states the ideas very well and clear so it’s easy to understand.
(c)
His
explanations of the television shows were pretty much detailed. He depicts the situations and clearly states
why he gives it the certain rating; according to his AUV rating scale.
Chris explains that the one thing that this
assignment proved was a better awareness of the reality world. He thinks that the shows depict what really
goes on in the real world. They deal with
the same types of issues we are faced with in our everyday lives. I kind of agree with him, that yes television
shows really depict the situations that we face in our everyday lives. I love watching television, and some shows
really depict the issues that we have to face with today; such as school, work,
family, relationships, drugs, and much more.
I think that television needs to show more positive issues of
relationships. I mean most of the shows
on television now days are all about sex, crimes, or drugs. It mainly depicts the negative sides of
relationship, and I think that’s what people like to watch in the first
place. They enjoy the intensity of the drama
and that’s what makes it interesting.
However, it can have a negative effect on us also, because we watch so
much of it and relate to it, that we begin to pick up on certain AUV behaviors.
6) Report 6: My Proposal fro TV Ratings
on Anti-Unity Values (AUV) in Gender Behavior-By Jocelyn Hostetler http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409bs2004/cheetara/report%203.htm
In the first part of her report, she
writes a preface about the prior reports that she did. Next, she then writes an introduction in
which she explains what this report; report 3 is about.
Next, she writes on three oral
presentations and Lecture discussions:
Oral 1: Reference 11: Doctrine of the Wife for
Husbands: A Spiritual Practice for Achieving Unity- By Suzanne Howard.
An important point she discusses
here is a quote about they theory, Conjugial Love 196, the idea was that feminizing
the church does not mean men will leave or that superior rights are to be given
to women. It basically states that a
husband must voluntarily put his wife’s judgment above his own and that is how
they achieve conjugial love. Another quote
that she write s about is: “it is instinctive in a wife’s love to unite her
husband’s will to her own, for in this way a wife becomes one who belongs to
her husband, and the husband one who belongs to his wife. Thus the two become one person.” Hostetler says that she is still kind of
skeptical to think that two people can become one person, but also thinks that
it’s an interesting topic to think about.
Oral 2: Ethnic Style in Male-Female Conversation of
Deborah Tannen’s Gender & Discourse- By Brigitlynn Duclos.
One idea that she found most
interesting was that a repeated interaction might reinforce mistaken judgment
of a partners intentions and increase expectations that he or other will behave
as before. She agrees that this is
true. One would expect the same type of behavior
if no one says anything about it. This
leads to repeated occurrence of the behavior, and eventually leads to
disagreements and arguments.
Oral 3: The Sex-Class Linked Framing of Talk at Work
of Deborah Tannen’s Gender & Discourse- By Joshua Kent
The first point that he makes is the
alignment or status among people of the same gender. This is a very important point because alignment
is an important part when talking to someone in a conversation.
After that, she explains what AUV’s
are and then concludes her report.
Conclusion:
(a) Her report mainly
consists of her inputs and ideas about the oral presentations and
discussions. She believes that gender
unity is very important in relationships.
She also is skeptical about the idea of uniting into one person, however
believes that it is a very interesting topic to think about.
(b) What she did in her
report, was basically state her opinions on gender unity.
(c) Her explanations were
good, in that she backed up everything she said with evidence or examples from
her personal experiences.
She gained a new way
to look at television programs. She can
understand and analyze gender differences much more now. Her explanations of the oral presentations
and lecture discussions were quite clear.
However, I am not sure if this report was complete or not or I missed it
or something, but I didn’t see a part on the explanations of the AUV’s and what
and how she did to analyze it from television shows.
Question #2:
Contrast the three views of gender
relatioships expressed by Deborah Tannen in Gender Issues, Laura Schlessinger
in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and Leon James in The Doctrine of
the Wife. Give your summary of your
analysis by creating a chart or table that shows the differences between them
in a systematic way. Give your opinion
on the elements or entries in your chart.
How do your own views compare to what’s in the chart? How are your ideas influenced by these three
different perspectives.
What I did in this section was to explain the three views by creating a chart observing the threefold self of a husband and a wife. I made a chart similar to the chart in question #6, in which instead of using a yes/no column, I explained the typical outcome according to each of the three models. I used Table 5 in the lecture notes on areas of observation to help me make my chart. I pick two areas of observation from each of the three zones.
|
Areas of Observation |
Gender & Discourse By: Deborah Tannen |
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands By: Laura Shlessinger |
The Doctrine of the Wife By: Leon James |
|
1. How do they talk to each other and what does the talk reveal about their cognitive and affective self. (Zones 1, 4, 7) |
Differences in men and women style of speech often put women in a inferior position in interactions with men. Men think in a more direct manner, while women think in a indirect manner. It reveals that men and women have a big differences in their conversational styles. |
Dr. Laura, would say that men are often thought of as inferior and nothing can change that view because it’s been around for a long time, Dr. Laura would say that wives need to be more compassionate about their husband’s feelings. This reveals that women will always be inferior to men and thus instead of thinking of equality, she focuses on male dominance as a right passage to a good and happy relationship. |
A husband must always talk to his wife in a respectful manner and comply with her wishes. For example: The wife wants to talk about something important, husband’s reaction should say yes with enthusiasm and comply with his wife. When he does this she senses conjugial delight and experiences her husband’s act of conjoining with her. |
|
2. What interaction dynamics goes on in each other’s appearance – clothes, body, shape, hair, etc. (Zones 1, 4, 7) |
Tannen would say that this things are predetermined by social and cultural influences. |
Dr, Laura, says that women often care about their appearances more so then men do. She thinks that women dress sexy and provocative because they want the attention they will receive. |
Appearance should not matter because it is what’s on the inside that makes you fall in love with someone. Men will feel spiritually enlightened when they have reach the unity model with their partner, in which they are joined together in all three stages, which is eternal and much more stronger than any kind of love. |
|
3. How do they use “equity philosophy” in their relationship (i.e., how they decide about sharing work, duties, money, responsibilities.) (Zones 2, 5, 8) |
Social and cultural aspects can influence this. It depends on what a couple values in a relationship. They may value the traditional view of male dominance and women submissive. Or, they may value equality. |
Dr. Laura will agree that there is equity in a relationship, but women will often have to work at it. They will think that since males are often the bread winners, women should be understanding of their work and be more compassionate about it. They should realize that they have to become better wives, and this can be by doing the household chores in the house. |
In a conjugial relationship, there is equity, but most of all the husband needs to comply with the wife. After all, it is the wife that brings love and compassion to the relationship that joins them together conjugally as a couple. |
|
4. How clear are they to each other when discussing things (e.g., hiding tings, keeping secrets, being touchy or oversensitive to some topics, talking guardedly or with reserve,-or the opposite.) (Zones 2, 5, 8) |
Men and women have their own unique sense of talking. According to research, men have the tendency to interrupt more than women. We can see this as either socially or culturally determined or as a means on dominance in a conversation. |
Dr. Laura thinks that wives should say simply and directly what they want or need toward their husbands. Women should just explain directly what it is that they want and not expect anything of heir husbands. People can’t read each other’s minds. |
A husband and a wife should have a clear understanding of what each other are thinking about. “Wives are delighted by their husband’s wisdom they called a spiritual-rational wisdom and a spiritual-moral wisdom.” It may be true that women talk more indirectly than men do, but it is the men’s responsibility to pick up on the clues and hints that wives leave. They do it for a reason, and a husband should never ignore that. |
|
5. How motivated is each to the idea of putting the partner ahead of everything else-children, friends, family, career, attachments. (Zones 3, 6, 9) |
Cultural and social aspects play an important role. It depends on how you look at things. Traditional dominance view? The view of equality? |
Dr. Laura states that wives often feel stressed and under pressure because they are taking on more than they can handle. She says that prioritizing can help a wife life a happier life. It depends on the women, on how much she values her family or how much she values her career. Dr. Laura believes that wives should fulfill their main goal and purpose, and that’s to be a loving wife and a loving mother. |
Nothing should ever come between a couple that is united with conjugial love. The husband must realize that a wife is made with love and compassion, therefore we must trusts her wills and intentions to the fullest. If she ever doubts that, he must overcome that feeling because it comes from selfishness. The husband must rid himself of these behaviors and thoughts to have an internal conjugial relationship with his wife. |
|
6. How committed is each partner to the idea of total unity (e.g., feeling free to raise and talk about any topic, feeling motivated to eliminate all disagreements between them by wanting to change for the sake of the other, and so on.) (Zones 3, 6, 9) |
They are committed in the sensorimotor and cognitive level, but not the affective level. Due to the conversational differences of men and women, communicating what one feels and wants may be a difficult thing to analyze in their relationship. |
Dr. Laura mentions that many wives feel stressed and under pressure because they need to juggle so many things in the family, which in turns makes her act out in offensiveness and anger towards her husband. Ex: Dr. Laura says: “you are not loved, adored or intimately needed at work…meanwhile you are a goddess to your children and a queen to your husband.” |
The three steps: Acknowledging-he must acknowledge that he is letting his wife be the ruler of their relationship so that he can reform himself from being external to internal unity with his wife. Witnessing-Needs to witness and realize how he would react negatively or against to his wife’s rules. Modifying-Must restrains his ordinary reactions toward his wife and complies. |
This chart is an illustration as to what each view would predict the cause of the behavior. Gender & Discourse mainly focuses on the gender differences due to culture, status, views, etc. Dr. Laura mainly focuses on male dominance in which women should be more compassionate and caring and think of their husbands feelings instead of focusing only on themselves. Dr. James view says that men and women are both created as to be able to become a single individual; a single soul. “The supremacy of conjugial love expresses God’s chief purpose in creating and maintaining the universe. This purpose is to create an ever growing heaven populated by angel couples who were born on some earth, developed a spiritual mind by living rightly, and then went on living in eternity in one of the many heavenly societies.
Before I took this class, I never really thought about all these situations about gender and relationships. I think that all three views were inspiring and compelling to read. The book that I really enjoyed reading was The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, because some of the things that I read, I can actually relate it to my real life experiences. I thought that some of the stories were rather funny and interesting. I do however, agree to some extent that male dominance will prevail throughout time. I say this because I grew up in a culture in which male dominance was the main view. That is what I was taught at a very young age. I agree with it to the extent that women should have more respect for men, but on the other hand they shouldn’t have to submit to so much of the blame that Dr. Laura puts on women. There is a limit and extent in which a women is at fault, and I think that she believes that men just think straight forward and direct, therefore, they don’t’ think about their feelings and actions. I disagree with this and believe that sometimes a husband may be acting a certain way just to play dumb and avoid things. For example, when we talked about reading minds in class, I agree with Dr. James, that women already give enough hints as to what they want from their partners, and it’s just that men often ignore them. It’s not that they don’t’ get them, they choose not to conform and listen to their wives.
In Gender & Discourse by Deborah Tannen, it was really interesting to read about all the different things that people do when talking. I never knew how much you could analyze a simple conversation. A lot had to do with body language, cultural influences, status differences, and much more. I do agree with her that women tend to be more indirect than men. I believe that this can be an innate trait or a cultural trait. However, this is often due to the fact that women are more sensitive and in touch with their feelings and emotions, and therefore aren’t very good at explain things real well. They tend to be more submissive and more in tuned to their psychological side of being.
In The Doctrine of the Wife by Dr, James, it is like a guide to be a better husband. To teach husbands how to achieve this conjugial unity with their wives. When I first read this, it was sort of hard for me to understand. It was interesting in that it totally sided with the women, and that’s really rare, especially a book written by a male author. I don’t’ totally agree with the points that were made, especially because I don’t think I believe too much in the spiritual world and spiritual being. I thought that the concept of conjugial love was rather interesting, but then again don’t agree with it completely. I believe that people can be united together on all three levels and have a good and happy relationship without caring about the afterlife. Maybe some people do not believe in the afterlife? For me, I’m a little uncertain on this issue because I just think that I didn’t have a lot of exposure to this matter when I was young, so I haven’t really thought about it. I find that the whole concept of conjugial love is for the husband to rid his selfish ways and follow his wife rather interesting. I don’t really agree that that is the best approach to it. I think that people are born the way they are and there’s a reason for that, which only God knows. I do believe that you can’t change a person completely. I just think that if you have to change a person, why are you in love with them anyway/? They should be a person you love no matter what. Everything about them is unique and that’s what made you fall in love in the first place.
Conclusion:
In doing this report, I have gained a broader understanding of gender and relationship issues. The readings have exposed me to a whole new view that I never thought of before. I now realize that there are certain aspects and elements we have to look at in analyzing a relationship. Reading the reports of other students were very interesting because it exposed me to a broader view of this topic. This report also helped be gain a way better understanding of the three models that we have discussed throughout this semester. It is amazing to see how much more open minded about this topic.
Advice
to Future Generations:
My main advice is in order to succeed in this class, you
must listen to what Dr. James says in the beginning of the semester, “Read your
lecture notes over and over again.” Also
you must always keep up with your readings, so you don’t go to class not
knowing what’s going on. For me, because
this was the very first time I have ever taken this type of class, it was
really hard for me to grasp what was going on, believe me I was lost for weeks
and weeks! After awhile I got the hang
of things and everything turned out ok.
I have to say however that the hardest part was learning how to publish
your reports on the web, I had no clue as to what I was doing! It gets real frustrating the first couple of
times, but once you got it down it’s really not so bad.
Another
thing to keep in mind is DO NOT PROCRASTINATE!
Do as much readings as you can and spread out your work, so you don’t
end up doing everything last minute. It
helps to do a little each day so you keep everything fresh in your mind. It makes you think about the topics more and
then it makes writing your reports much easier!
No matter how frustrated you get, don’t give up because taking this
class would be a very good opportunity to be exposed to such an interesting
topic. You may not agree with it, but it
does make you think about things. Just
remember to have an open mind about things and you’ll be fine. GOOD LUCK!
Class
Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonpsy21/classhome-g21.htm
My
Homepage: www.soc.hawaii.edu/409bf2004/leung/