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Chapters 6 and 7 of Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
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Chapter 6: The Master Aptitude
page 78-95
Chapter six is about impulse, moods, hope, optimism and concept of "the flow". Many of you can probably remember how it felt to take the written part of the driving exam. You may have had feelings of anxiety: your palms began to sweat, you could hear your heartbeat thump in your ears, or had that "butterfly" feeling in your stomach. These feelings of emotion overwhelms and "paralyzes the thinking brain."
Looking back, chapter five explains how
powerful negative emotions twist attention toward their own preoccupations. . .continually sabotaging attempts to pay attention to whatever other task is at hand.
This means that while you are sitting down and trying to concentrate on your exam, the fears of perhaps not passing, and in turn, not being able to obtain a driverās license just overwhelms you, so that you have difficulty when itās time to circle the correct answer. You can feel your stomach turn, and by thinking about it, by realizing that your stomach is going crazy, it flutters even more.
We then have a "working memory." It is the ability to hold in mind all information relevant to the task at hand. For example, you have practiced those driving skills taught to you, and you can remember what was taught to you as you listen to the driving examiner give you instructions.
IMPULSE CONTROL: THE MARSHMALLOW TEST
(pp. 80-83)
"Resisting impulse is the root of all emotional self-control, since all emotions, by their very nature, lead to one or another impulse to act."
In the 1960s, a marshmallow test was given to four-year olds to determine their ability to hold back emotions and "delay impulse". They were told that if they "wait until after [the examiner] runs an errand, they can have two marshmallows as a treat. If they could not wait until then, they can only have one÷immediately."
Well, some waited for 15-20 minutes until the experimenter returned. Some could not wait. That marshmallow was just calling to them, "Eat me! Eat me now!" So, they hastily snatched that marshmallow upon the examinerās departure.
Twelve to fourteen years later, these same children were observed.
Those who resisted temptation at four were more socially competent adolescents. A decade later, they were still able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals.
Those who grabbed the marshmallow were not as socially competent, and shared a more troubled psychological portrait. After all those years they were unable to put off gratification.
Those who still waited patiently were far superior as students to those who had acted on whim. They were more academically competent: better able to put ideas into words, to use and respond to reason, to concentrate, make plans and follow through, and were more eager to learn.
Now, if we gave everyone this marshmallow test I do not think it would be a good predictor of success later in life. I believe this test to be more of a mere observation based more on the expectations of the researcher. The ability to resist temptation or the ability to act in haste may stem from what was learned in childhood. "Good things come to those who wait." On the other hand, perhaps this test can show which drivers are likely to get enraged easily.
(pp. 83-86)
Fouled thinking leads to foul moods. Having a foul mood can lead to fouled thinking. The more you worry the more anxious you become. The more you worry about not passing a test, the more likely it may happen. But, if you take time out, like arrive at your exam room and give yourself time to calm down and relax, the more likely you will do well on your test.
Good moods may make it easier to solve problems whereas foul moods biases memory in a negative direction. Good moods may even make driving easier and stress free. You may be more apt to avoid a dangerous situation on the road. Although "memory is state specific÷we remember more positive events," I believe that we also remember the same amount of negative events. Itās just we tend to suppress the negative events more.
PANDORAāS BOX AND POLLYANNA: THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING
(pp. 86-87)
Hope, according to researchers of today, gives an "advantage in school achievement, and in jobs. Itās the belief that you have both the will and the way to accomplish your goals, whatever they may be.
People with high levels of hope are able to motivate themselves, feel resourceful, are able to reassure themselves, and are flexible to find different solutions.
Having hope means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety, a defeatist attitude, or depression in the face of difficult challenges or setbacks.
Hope is good. It is a way to boost your emotions in a positive way. When you do not have anything else to rely on, you can always hope for the best.
(pp. 87-90)
Optimism, like hope, means having a strong expectation that, in general, things will turn out all right in life, despite setbacks and frustrations. Optimism is an attitude that buffers people against falling into apathy, hopelessness, or depression in the face of tough going. On the other hand, a too-nave optimism can be disastrous.
Martin Seligman, a psychologist, "defines optimism in terms of how people explain to themselves their successes and failures. Optimists see failure as changeable." Pessimists see the opposite. Nothing can be done to change. What bad occurred will happen again.
"Optimism predicts academic success. Testing the amount of optimism will determine who will give up and who will not give up."
FLOW: THE NEUROBIOLOGY OF EXCELLENCE
(pp. 90-93)
Have you ever played a basketball game, and were able to sink in all of the free throws and 3-pointers? Each time you released that ball and "reached for the cookie jar," it landed its goal? If so, you may already have experienced the "flow". Itās like "the zone". You are just so positive, energized, and totally optimistic about what needs to be done.
According Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, "the flow is an experience almost everyone enters from time to time, particularly when performing at their peak or stretching beyond their former limits."
To enter flow, you must focus on the task at hand; a highly concentrated state is the essence of flow (it may take time because you have to remain calm and focused). People seem to concentrate best when the demands on them are a bit greater than usual, and they are able to give more than usual·too little-bored; too much-anxious). A key to flow is that it occurs only within reach of the summit of ability where skills are well rehearsed.
The more you practice, the better you will be able to get in "the flow.
LEARNING AND FLOW: A NEW MODEL FOR EDUCATION
(pp. 93-95)
Because flow emerges in the zone in which an activity challenges people to the fullest of their capacities, as their skills increase it takes a heightened challenge to get into the flow.
Those who get into "the flow" as they study, will do better.
This would be similar to how you are engrossed in your studying that you lose track of time. By the time you feel like taking a break, you realize you have been studying for a constant two hours. I agree that if the material is easy itās boring, and if itās too hard, it will cause anxiety. Therefore, getting into the flow will be harder.
Chapter 7: The Roots of Empathy
page 96-110
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Chapter seven is about empathy.
The inability to recognize someone elseās feelings "is a major deficit in emotional intelligence·Emotions can be expressed through nonverbal channels: tone of voice, gesture, facial expression and so forth.
(pp. 98-99)
Roots of empathy can be traced to infancy.
Motor mimicry ö when a child reacts to a disturbance in those around them as though it were their own; crying when they see another crying. It fades from toddlersā repertoire at around two and a half years because by this time they realize that someone elseās pain is different from their own, and can comfort them better.
(pp. 99-101)
The most basic lessons of emotional life are laid down in the intimate moments between parent and child.
Attunement is the ability to reciprocate emotions·it happens as part of the rhythm of a relationship ö like if a baby is happy the mother would reciprocate by giving him a smile or a pat on the back.
Attunement is not the same as imitation. Imitation just shows you what somebody did, not how they felt.
Have you noticed how people will say, "hi," to you if you say, "hi," to them? Or lets say, a handshake?
(pp. 101-102)
Prolonged absence of attunement between parent and child takes a tremendous emotional toll on the child·if the parent doesnāt show any empathy, the child will avoid expressing those same emotions.
(pp. 102-104)
This part says that
in a 1975 report, people with certain lesions in the right area of the frontal lobes had a curious deficit: they were unable to understand the emotional message in peopleās tone of voice, though they were perfectly able to understand their words. Example in the book says that a sarcastic thanks, a grateful thanks and an angry thanks all had the same neutral meaning for them. These people canāt express their own emotions through their tone of voice or by gesture.
EMPATHY AND ETHICS: THE ROOTS OF ALTRUISM
(pp. 104-106)
Empathy begins in infancy. By late childhood, children are able to understand distress beyond the immediate situation, and to see that someoneās condition may be from chronic distress.
The term "empathic anger" by John Stuart Mill, is the natural feeling of retaliation·rendered by intellect and sympathy applicable to·those hurts which wound us through wounding others---The guardian of justice.
The more empathic you are, the more inclined you are to help others.
I think this is very true. Has the bully of your childhood school ever stopped to help you pick up your books, after you had taken a spill? How many people stopped to help you in a car accident? Are you able to help someone find their way on campus ö or do you just say you donāt know and keep walking on?
LIFE WITHOUT EMPATHY: THE MIND OF THE MOLESTER, THE MORALS OF THE SOCIOPATH
(pp. 106-110)
Those who commit crimes lack empathy. Criminals conceal their empathy as they do their evil deeds.
The book gives an example of a child molester. First, the molester feels upset. Then, his upset is triggered by watching happy couples on TV. Next, he feels depressed about being alone. He then thinks of his fantasy-being goodie-goodie with a child, then becoming sexually attracted·and therefore, masturbating to that thought. There is temporary relief, but itās very short; he gets depressed and lonely again, and begins to think about acting out his fantasy, saying "Iām not doing any real harm..." HERE comes the part where he pushes aside his empathy, gets detached from it and goes on with his plan.
Itās like somebody just opened up your book bag, thinking that nothing is wrong about that. They didnāt even bother to think about how you would feel about that. Or lets say, you start eating your lunch in your friendās brand new Mercedes. You think nothingās wrong with that, you eat in the car all the time. But, your friend thinks otherwise·hey! This is a new car!
In lecture class, Dr. James brought up a good point about this, and I agree with what he says that empathy is without sympathy. You cannot only believe you feel the same way, but you have to sympathize too. Having sympathy means that you are able to comfort and understand another person.
These are all good ideas that explain the emotional intelligence of humans. Why do we act the way we do? How is it that people respond differently?
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Why is it better if drivers are in a good mood?
Good moods means better performance. Drivers will be able to deal with problem situations better if they are in a good mood, and they will be less likely to get irritated easily.
Whatās the difference between empathy and sympathy?
Empathy is like putting yourself in the other person's shoes in order to understand the person better. You do not necessarily have to have gone through the same situation as that person. Sympathy is the ability to feel pity or compassion for another person. You may express the same feelings as that person because similar experiences.
How do you apply the concept of "misattunement" to drivers?
If drivers are misattuned to each other driving will become difficult. Drivers will not know when to allow someone to take over and cut into their lane, or how to decide on who to go first at a 4 way stop sign. If someone waves their hand to allow someone to cut into their lane, but they are not paying attention, accidents can happen. Both driving parties may feel distressed and affected negatively by the experience.
Do you think "false hope" can be as beneficial as realistic hope? For example, doing well on LSAT exams even though you know you are not well prepared, or a more realistic hope that your minimal preparation will allow you to pass.
I think false hope can be as beneficial as realistic hope because it is better than having no hope at all. You did not give up and stop preparing for the exam. You studied what you could, and that could lead to less stress in the end as compared to not studying.
What are the differences between attunement and empathy?
I do not see any differences between attunement and empathy. Attunement is the ability to exchange emotions. Empathy is being able to "attune to the subtle social signals that indicate what others need or want. I think they both go hand in hand.
Can you replace a positive mood with a negative mood in your driving? If so, give an example of how.
Sure. Moods can fluctuate. If someone banged me, my good mood will instantly change.
Are you optimistic or pessimistic in your driving? Give an example of it related to driving.
I am more of an optimist. I drive carefully to get to my destination safely. I take care of my passengers and I make sure that I drive well at all times.
How can you relate misattunement to driving? Give an example of it in your driving experience.
Here I am driving. There are two signal lights about two bus lengths apart from each other. A quarter of the way through the first signal light it changes from green to yellow. Looking ahead, the second light has changes from green to yellow. I feel that I will be unable to cross the intersection in time, so I slow the car and prepare to stop. Suddenly, I hear tires squeal. Then, there's a big CRASH! My car lurches forward. All the time, there was a big, hefty 4x4 truck following closely behind. The driver of the truck says, "I thought you were going to speed up to get through the second signal light, so I speeded up so I could also get through." The driver misread my actions; was not attuned to my slowing down and that may be an explanation to why the accident happened.
What is the difference between "hope" the belief that one has the will and the way to succeed, as compared to confidence.
I think hope is something that you can rely on when you have done all that you can. According to Webster's New World Dictionary, hope is the "feeling that what is wanted will happen." Confidence is knowing that you are sure, and are fully capable of succeeding. You are certain that you are able to accomplish a task.
Does your personality predict how impulsive you will be? I think you said people with bad tempers are more impulsive, so they wonāt wait and theyāll eat the marshmallow. Is this always the case?
In a way I think personality may predict how impulsive a person will be. People with bad tempers are more impulsive, but it is not always the case. A person who wants to succeed may be impulsive and act quickly. I think the difference between a mild and a bad tempered person is the ability to think quickly and sort out the pros and cons of a situation before acting.
I didnāt quite understand "the flow". Itās the self-awareness and being in sync with things. Is "the flow" the surge of energy a person gets when they get hyped up about something?
Yup. I think so. If you are in the flow, you will get a surge of energy, and you will have a positive, energized feeling.
Can you have sympathy without empathy?
I believe you must have empathy if you have sympathy.
What if a person is generally carefree? Would that person generally do better on an exam than an anxiety prone person who was more well prepared? Perhaps being relaxed may affect confidence rather than accuracy?
I think it all depends on how the person is carefree; in what way. Remember, a carefree person is defined as being "free from troubles or worry." They could probably care less about their grade. On the other hand, perhaps they study and know that they can pass their exam because they prepared well. If a person is relaxed they may feel confident and therefore have better accuracy.
Explain how "blues" writers make their music if much of their creative works arise from despair, loneliness, and or hopelessness.
Sorry, I cannot explain how "blues" writers make their music. It could be that their mood inspires them to have these creative streaks. Different moods creates different songs.
Is "flow" similar to heightened self-confidence?
Yes, "the flow" is similar to heightened self-confidence. If you are in that "flow" it means that you are performing at your peak. Being absorbed in the task can create a heightened self-confidence. It may inspire you to do just as well the next time around.
If empathy is attained through experience how do we feel empathy for characters in a movie whose house has been burned down if we, ourselves, never experienced our own house being burned down?
You just need to put yourself in the other person's situation. Pretend. How would you feel? Would you feel joyful if your house burned down. If your house did burn, then you can sympathize with the movie characters.
Does "the flow" depend on optimism and feeling rather than ability? Can you not practice that much and still have a feeling of "the flow"?
I think "the flow" depends on everything. "The flow is a state of self-forgetfulness. You get absorbed in the task at hand." If someone does not practice that much, but they know the "routine" and how to do the task "by heart" they can still have a feeling of "the flow." Anything is possible if you put your heart and mind into the task, and give it your 110%.
Is there a difference between positive thinking and feeling optimism?
Not really. If you have positive thinking you will generally feel optimistic.
How does a well-attuned child become a well-attuned driver?
A well-attuned child becomes a well-attuned driver by learning from others around them. If they are able to express themselves in a positive direction they can have a positive impact on those around them.
Do you think optimism is some kind of putting the job aside, and escape from it? In contrast, do you think pessimistic feeling increases the level of anxiety which makes the person to put more effort to finish the job/work?
I don't think optimism is putting the job aside, and escaping from it. I think if a person is optimistic they will be more inclined to complete the job. If a person is pessimistic then they will not be moved to finish a job. They will fail to try and instantly give up.
Which way do you think empathy and sympathy goes?
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Empathy --> sympathy Understand, then you know how to give care
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or
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Sympathy --> empathy Caring, then you understand how the person feels.
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I think it goes both ways. Health care workers have empathy which is why they help others. They do not necessarily have to have sympathy. If you are at a funeral then you will more likely have sympathy and empathize because you may know how it feels to have someone close to you pass away.
For the amount of material that I had to present, I felt rather good that I was able cover all the points. I was a bit nervous at first because I was intimidated by the amount of time that I needed to present. Preparing early and making notes to follow helped me tremendously. Thinking of examples to help illustrate the chapters was also a big plus.
The question and answer period turned out quite well. Although I had to sit and think for a short moment to gather my thoughts I feel I was able to get a grasp on the material to answer the questions adequately. I liked the many different viewpoints that the instructor and students had.
I am unable to comment on my fellow classmate's g12oral.html reports at this moment as there are no reports up and running on the web. As far as the first two oral presentations go (Jeanna Barr and Bernadette Jambaro's orals) I thought that they covered their material quite well. I liked receiving handouts from Jeanna because it made the material more interesting. Having something to look at instead of shuffling through the book pages are a great plus. That is a reason why I thought making a handout to pass out may be helpful for my fellow classmates.
Suggestions for future generations
For the future generations may I suggest that you start your work early. Procrastination kills. Hope for the best and be optimistic. Take your oral presentation and oral.html report and work on it little by little. Do not wait until the last possible moment when you are forced to work under a tight deadline. This oral report is not the only work that must be turned in. Good luck and enjoy yourself.
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