Daniel Goldman, Emotional Intelligence,
Pages 189-214
Abuse the Extinction of Empathy
Reeducating the Emotional Brain
Emotional Relearning and Recovering From Trauma
Psychotherapy as a Emotional Tutorial
The chapters that I am presenting are 12 and 13. Chapter 12 is entitled "The Family Crucible" and is basically about how not to raise a child. Within this chapter there are studies and examples of how children are raised the wrong way. Chapter 13 is called "Trauma and Emotional Relearning. Within this chapter, there is an emphasis on Post Traumatic Stress Disorders and how to work out the disorder.
Chapter 12 starts off with a scene of a family trying to control the actions of a young child named Leslie who is playing a video game. Leslie is getting directions from both parents and becomes frustrated and begins to cry. Too much astonishment, the parents don?t even notice that they have hurt Leslie?s feelings. The conclusion that Leslie draws is that no one cares about her feelings. This is what can be detrimental to a child. The family is the first school of emotional intelligence. If this type of action is repeated often enough, it could be very detrimental to a child?s emotional intelligence. The book also goes on saying that some parents are great teachers of emotional intelligence while others aren?t. I think that a parent needs to achieve emotional intelligence within them before trying to teach it to their children.
Carole Hooven and John Gottman from the University of Washington did a microanalysis study of how parents handled their children. They found that the couples who were more emotionally intelligent were able to handle their children?s emotional ups and downs. This study was done when the children were at 5 and then again at 9. Along with regular observations, the parents were told to show the child how to play a new video game. This example with the child "Leslie" was one of the families participating in this study.
The three most common emotionally inept parenting styles were, ignoring the feelings altogether, Being too laissez-faire and letting the child work out his or her own problems, and Being contemptuous and not showing any respect for the child?s feelings.
A good parenting style observed was to take the child?s feelings seriously and try to coach the child by understanding the child?s feelings. An example was, "Are you angry because Tommy hurt your feelings?" the next step was to give the child a positive output like, "Instead of hitting him, why don?t you find a toy to play with until you feel like playing with him again." In order to do this type of parenting the parent must understand the how to distinguish between the different types of feelings that a child might have. If a parent can do this, then they can learn how to "Recognize, manage, and harness their feelings; empathizing; and handling the feelings that arise in their relationships."
The Washington study showed that if a parent was better able to handle their own emotions, then they were better able to help out the emotions of their children, thus getting along better with them. This goes back to the part about a child being just like their parents. If the parent is always yelling and screaming at other drivers on the road, then the child will end up doing that automatically when they begin to drive. Also, if the parent doesn?t respect traffic laws, then the child will not either like seat belt, speeding, etc.
I learned that character traits are important in a child. These traits should be taught to children at a young age. The parents are the cores of the child. Parents need to set up a good base for the child so that he or she will have the basic developmental traits that are needed to grow in society. These traits need to be taught to the child from birth and should be taught the right way.
I am interested in this topic because I have a 7-month-old child. I never knew that things that I do with him at this young age can affect him so much. I am now watching a lot more closely my actions and reactions in certain situations in order to become a good role model for my son.
I think that all the ideas in this chapter are factual. I believe that the main responsibility of raising a child is with the parents. I think that children know what is going on from birth and that they can learn from the actions of the parents. I wish that all parents were required to read this chapter and this book for that matter so that hey can have a better background before raising a child.
The concepts that I acquired from these pages are heart start and emotional basics. Heart start is a concept that is the beginning of emotional intelligence. This concept is important because it is something that can be taught in school as well as in the home so that children can be given a solid emotional start before going out into the real world. Emotional basics are a concept of giving a child the emotional basis for life. Without this base, the child will have a hard time integrating his or herself into the real world.
This chapter starts off with the story of Patrick Purdy and the way that he shot up a playground at a Cleveland Elementary school. A lot of children went into shock after this incident. Some were afraid to venture outside during recess this chapter then went into how the children were taught to play out their emotions through a game of shooting other kids and their reactions to it. The majority of the children who participated in the game had the shooter die in the end. This was a way for the children to let out their emotions and to cope with the tragic situation. This is called coping to a post-traumatic stress disorder. A post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD is seen in people who have had a incident happen in their lives that was very traumatic and they have a very hard time coping with it. PTSD is most common in people that are involved in violent acts rather than natural disasters. This is due to the mindset the people who are the victims were picked out by the perpetrator rather than accidentally selected as in a natural disaster.
This incident can be seen in driving if there is an accident that happened that was very traumatic. An example of this is when the Hawaii Transfer driver got into the accident on H1 going towards Kapolei. The driver that was involved in the accident to this day doesn?t drive because of the experience of hitting another car and killing the passenger even though it wasn?t his fault.
The ways in which memories become frozen are if there is a traumatic situation, and the situation leaves a feeling of helplessness. If the person feels that there was something that could have been done to prevent it, chances are that the situation will not be viewed as traumatic. The book emphasizes that the main word is "uncontrollable."
This section is a way of looking at a person who is scared to get their license. There is usually a traumatic event in a car that can be linked to the fear of driving.
PTSD is seen as a change in the limbic circuitry, which focuses on the amygdala. The description that the book gives is, "Some of the key changes in the locus ceruleus, a structure that regulates the brain?s secretion of two substances called catecholamines: adrenaline and nonadrenaline. These neurochemicals mobilize the body for an emergency; the same catecholamine surge stamps memories with special strength." Within a PTSD this system is hyperactive and make situations that hold little threat to the person bring back the memory of the traumatic event.
Another thing that happens is that the link between the limbic brain and the pituitary gland secretes CRF, which is a stress hormone that the body secretes. To much CRF makes a person overreact.
A PTSD can be reversed or unlearned. It is easier to this in children rather than adults because adults tend to get numb to the event and block it out of their memory. Children get rid of the PTSD by playing games such as Purdy, which was the game played in the first example or by using art to probe the unconscious.
The first step is to regain a sense of safety. Next is to gain control over what is happening to them, which can be, done by using medication. Another step is to retell and reconstruct what happened. Last is that the person needs to mourn the loss that was brought about by the event like a death or injury. The trauma is gone when the psychological symptoms are manageable and able to bear the feelings of the event. Put the memory aside like any other event and rebuild a new life.
This section discusses how psychotherapy is a way to rid yourself of the PTSD. I think that a person can save a lot of time and money by doing the steps of confronting the event head on and getting rid of it.
I learned about PTSD?s and how they can affect a person and also am combated. I never read that much about PTSD before and this chapter gave me a lot of insight to what this was. I understand this concept better, but I still think that it is authoritative. I feel this way because PTSD doesn?t explain why people have relapses to these disorders after the disorder is supposedly cured. I understand that psychoanalytical analysis can help, but is it really worth the money that people pay for the treatment? Can a person cure their PTSD without counseling? I think so. I believe that people can cure themselves with the willingness to analyze the situation that is bringing about this stress and coming to terms with it.
The concepts that I acquired are that of PTSD being a limbic disorder and reeducating the emotional brain. I never knew that PTSD was a limbic disorder and that there was a neurological connection that was the problem. I always thought that this disorder was associated with a memory that could be erased. I guess that medication would be necessary to get rid of the traumatic memory. Reeducating the emotional brain is a concept that I found great interest in. By going to the root of the traumatic event and teaching your mind that it is an isolated incident and that the chances of it happening again is rare is something interesting. It makes me wonder how many people have the strength to reeducate themselves after this type of event has occurred. This will take high emotional intelligence.
Dr. James
What kind of lifelong emotional driver training would be good for drivers?An emotional driver training coarse should begin as soon as possible. This plan can work in two ways. One, it gives children a head start into the emotional intelligence of driving that can also be used in everyday situations. Two is that it will help the parents to also become better drivers. This is done when the children start to correct the way that their parents are driving. By teaching emotional intelligence to children, this will help with both driving and situations in life. This type of education can be done within the school system. Hopefully there is enough funding.
Since the driving habits of persons is heavily learned by the person/parent we are driven by during childhood. What can be done to alter bad habits that are acquired from years of observation and repetition? Most especially because people believe that "their" driving habits are the right way to drive.