Self-Witnessing Report on the Age of Rage

Because Knowing is Half the Battle!

Stephanie A. Atkins

April 23, 2001

ALOHA & WELCOME!

Purpose:

To provide insight on how I have become capable of acknowledging, witnessing, and modifying my rage.

Instructions:

For information on the construction of this site, please visit: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy14/g14report2.html

Introduction:

Rage is apart of our society. It is in our workplace and our home. It affects us all. Only through awareness and knowledge can we handle rage responsibly. Please check out my first report, An Annotated Bibliography on the Age of Rage at http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/409as2001/atkins/finalreport1.htm. In it you will find 10 different sites and articles that deal with the rage in our society. The sites deal with a wide array of topics that include Children of Rage, Fan Rage, and Air Travel Rage. Hopefully my first report will increase your awareness of the rage present in society, and maybe it can aid your search for a better understanding of some of the rage you may have fallen victim to.

Here are some questions to think about when browsing through my reports:

1. What does the presence of rage say about our society?
2. How do we explain what is happening with rage? Is it getting worse, better, stronger, more violent, more insulting, what?
3. What are we to expect for the future?
4. What should be done about it?

My Personal Thoughts:

The presence of rage is a double-edged sword in our society. On the good side, rage is a sign of the freedom we treasure. If we are angered by something as little as a traffic light or something as big as dirty politics in our government we have the freedom to express that displeasure without fear of punishment. BUT, on the bad side, we, as a society, have seemed to forgotten that our rights are established to protect all of us from that expression of anger turning into violence. Our rights are not permission slips to behave in a violent manner. Unfortunately, every night on our evening news we witness episodes of rage providing the fuel for violence. Rage is a growing and multi-faced problem in our society. We see forms rage on our highways, schools, jobs, and stores, everywhere! From swearing to killing sprees, rage is a problem that must be dealt with now or else our futures will be lived in fear. Currently there are laws to protect our rights, and seminars and wellness groups offered by companies to help manage rage and stress, but is it enough? Could stress and rage management classes help? Is there a cure for the spread of rage in our society?

More Information

For further insight on questions such as the above please take a look at Dr. Leon James’ site concerning his books on rage at: http://www.aloha.net/~dyc/booktoc.html

Self -Witnessing Observations

RAGE EPISODE #1:

THE BREAK IN

Situation:

The living room of my apartment in Waikiki was broken into while I was asleep in the next room. I went to class the next morning in a rush unaware of what had happened. My roommates track me down to my French 202 class at 10:30am and tells me the news. The thief had broken into two other apartments in our building prior to mine. In the second apartment the thief severely beat the resident and still took his property. The thief broke into my apartment directly after the second burglary and proceeded to steal from me the following items: laptop computer, cellular phone, wallet, $80, a credit card, drivers license, check book, and a camcorder. After I was told the information a swirl of emotions overcame me. Rage was one of my primary emotions.

The 3 Steps:

#1. ACKNOWLEDGE: At that moment standing outside my French classroom I realized that I was going into a rage. It was with the realization that I had become a victim and an event had occurred that was unjustified and wrong. I was about to explode.

#2. WITNESS: Although this assignment was not on my mind at that particular point in time I distinctly remember my sensory motor, cognitive, and affective behavior at that moment. Why? Because I was in such disbelief it was as if it was an out of body experience.

SENSORY MOTOR BEHAVIOR: (visible) I remember my head was down and my eyes were sharply focused on the floor beneath my feet. My teeth were clinched so tight I was on the verge of a headache. My arms were at my side and my hands and fingers were spread wide. I was breathing through my nose in shallow breaths. You would think that this would have promoted clear thinking right? WRONG!

COGNITIVE BEGAVIOR: (thinking) I kept thinking "why me" and "what if I had…". And then I began thinking how this would have never happened to me if I were back home. That people out here don’t respect anything or anybody. I also thought that my apartment manager was an idiot. I wondered what I would have done if I saw the thief. I thought about how much I wanted to spit in his face. To be honest I was cussing a lot in my thoughts too.

AFFECTIVE BEHAVIOR: (feeling) I kept feeling angry that this happened to me. I was frustrated that people kept saying I wouldn’t get my stuff back! I was sad at the thought that all the memories that were captured on the camcorder were in the hands of a thief. I hated the island for making me be so far from my family. I felt rage!

#3. MODIFY BEHAVIOR: In order to modify my sensorymotor behavior I began taking slow deep breaths. I leaned against the cool wall and tried to relax my tense muscles. I began thinking about how lucky I was that I wasn’t awake when the thief broke in, otherwise I may have been attacked like the other resident. I then began feeling thankful that everything was replaceable. I was also thankful for a boyfriend and roommates who were level thinking enough to help me handle the police reports and such that followed.

Questions for a Self Observation of Rage Episode#1:

1. How did you decide what to report on?

I looked at events deeply impacted my life.

2. What method did you use?

I wrote the events on a list and focused on the ones where the rage felt the most extreme.

3. What difficulties were there and how reliable are the observations (what errors may there be)?

These events have occurred in the last 8 months and although I feel like I remember them perfectly, I’m sure my memory is not perfect due to the delay.

4. What were the observations: who, what, when, where?

Who: The thief & me. What: The Burglary. When: October 2000. Where: My apartment in Waikiki.

5. When did rage become visible? How was it manifested? How intense was it?

The rage became visible outside my classroom and occasional outbursts of rage followed. It manifested in my thoughts of being victimized. It was incredibly intense and took everything I had to try to control it.

6. What was the context leading up to it?

Prior to my rage, I was in class thinking nothing was wrong. As a matter of fact, ironically, I was explaining to a classmate that I was happy with the security provided where I lived.

7. Why is it showing up at that moment and what keeps it up?

The rage shows up at the moment that it sinks in that this is not a joke, it’s real, and it is happening to me!

8. What recovery possibilities are there? How could you modify the reaction pattern?

Recovery involves me feeling in control of my rage and also feeling safe in my residence again. My reaction pattern took more and more effort to enact once I had to handle police reports and new identification.

Rage Episode #2: Girlfriend vs. Friend

Situation:

On Halloween night my boyfriend and myself gathered with a group of friends to go cruise down Waikiki. We met at my apartment and began strolling down Kalakaua Ave. in order to enjoy what this spooky night had to offer. My boyfriend was dressed as Jack in the Box and was getting a lot of attention for the creative costume we had made him. However, due to the large ball mask he was wearing he could not see very well and could hardly hear at all. Upon walking down Kalakaua, my boyfriend continued getting orders for Jumbo Jacks and such. I was leading him, hand in hand, down the street instructing him to wave to the left or right when someone wanted a picture of him. Once we reached the heart of Waikiki some of the girls realized they needed to use the Burger King restroom. As we are standing outside Burger King, one of my boyfriend’s friends (who stinks of Jack Daniel’s and dressed up as Mr. Clean) begins yelling for people to come take pictures with Jack in the Box. Sure enough, people get excited about seeing the costume. Then "Mr. Clean" drags three girls over to take a picture of them around Jack in the Box. I get shoved out of the way by "Mr. Clean" as he says to the girls, "go ahead and grab his crotch!" I hear this and the rage begins!

(There are intensifying levels to this rage )

1. First rage response:

I yell out "You touch him, you die!" At this point my boyfriend takes off his mask in order to figure out what in the world was going on. Then "Mr. Clean" pipes up and tells the girls to ignore me.

2. Second rage response:

I grab "Mr. Clean" by the neck of his white T-shirt and say, "Jason, (his real name) I really mean it, stop this," in a calm yet angry voice. His response: "Oh back off you stupid b---h!"

3.Third rage response:

At this point I look over at my boyfriend whose mask is off. He looks completely clueless. The girls have scattered away into the crowd by this point. Ready to scratch Jason’s eyes out I run back in the direction of my apartment, confused by how angry I was.

3. Fourth Rage Response:

My boyfriend runs to catch up with me and asks what in the world was going on. I tell him, and he walks back to Jason with me following behind. He asks Jason to apologize to me. As I approach, Jason replies in a sarcastic tone, "Sure, I’m sorry or whatever, but you are blowing this way out of proportion". And then it happens like an out of body experience: I fly at him with fist drawn back. Even though friends restrain me, I still force him to stumble backwards in realization that I was not kidding.

The 3 Steps:

#1. Acknowledge: I realized I was in a rage as soon as Jason shoved me out of the way so that the three girls could take a picture with my boyfriend. I was aware that the rage intensified as each rage response occurred. I was also aware that it was getting out of control.

#2. Witness: This is the biggest rage explosion I have ever had, so therefore I remember it. However, with that much emotion I hope my memory is accurate.

Sensory motor Behavior: (visible) My hands were in fists the whole time, and I was borderline tears too. My eyebrows were scrunched and my lips pursed. My friends still remind me of how different I looked in that instance before I tried to hit Jason. They say that my facial features were contorted in such a way that it didn’t look like me at all.

Cognitive Behavior: (thinking) All I could think was: "Why is he doing this? I haven’t done anything to him! Is it just because he is drunk? Why isn’t my boyfriend trying to defend me? Did he not hear the situation?" And then right before I tried to hit him my mind was blank, it was just raw emotion fueling me.

Affective Behavior: (feeling) I was feeling hurt, sad, angry, jealous, confused, betrayed, nervous, frustrated, and then finally calm and tired.

#3. Modify: I continued walking away from my boyfriend and Jason. Two girlfriends came on each side of me. It felt like they were protecting me, but also like they were groupies too. They were singing my praises and I could do was keep reliving it all. I was desperate to find out what had made me lose it that bad. That behavior was nothing like my personality at all and it scared me. I kept quiet all night till I returned to my apartment and talked it all out with my boyfriend. I never wanted to behave like that again.

How else could I have handled this?

Solution #1. Gone to my boyfriend and asked him to take off the Jack in the Box mask first and hopefully that would have calmed down the entire situation.

Solution #2. Taken it all as a joke. (DOUBTFUL!!!!)

Solution #3. Walked away and stayed away from the situation.

Any other solution suggestions? Email me @ mightymousesa@hotmail.com

Note:

The point is of this rage episode is that rage should not be allowed to escalate into violence such as mine did.

RAGE EPISODE #3

Walking In Waikiki

Situation:

My friends and I were walking through Waikiki after parking our cars on the Ala Wai. We wanted to see the new aquarium at the Duty Free Shopping Gallery. Even though we were traveling in a group, we walked down the sidewalks of Waikiki in sets of two or three. Why did we do this? So that other people could pass us if we were walking to slow or if someone needed to pass us from the opposite direction. It’s called “being considerate toward others”. However, even though we walked to avoid running into other pedestrians, they did not walk to avoid us, nor did they say “excuse me”. More and more I noticed that people ranging in all ages and races were walking at their leisure, and oblivious of anyone coming toward them. I found myself pressing close to store windows to avoid being run into by these people. And this was not a one-time occurrence. It happens all the time to me in Waikiki, but on this night I had had enough. Why? Because a man in his late thirties passed by me and rammed his shoulder in my face, pushing me back a good three feet. I went into a rage. I turned around and said some profanity under my breath. I found myself walking down the middle of the sidewalk straight into people with the same aggression the man had walked into me.

The 3 Steps:

#1 Acknowledge: I was aware of my rage as soon as I realized that the man made no attempt to excuse himself from hitting me with his shoulder. I became more enraged when I realized that he had the whole 2 feet on the left side of the sidewalk to walk on without hitting me.

#2 Witness: I went through a whole assortment of thoughts, actions, and feelings at that moment. Here are some of them.

Sensory motor Behavior: (visible) My jaw was clenched and my eyes were focused. As I walked down the middle of Waikiki my stride was quick, aggressive, and determined. My hands were in fists.

Cognitive Behavior: (thinking) All I could think was how hard I would hit that man with my shoulder if he passed me by again. I was also thinking how rude his behavior was to me. The saying “what goes around, comes around” keep repeating in my thoughts. I also wondered why he did such a thing and not even look like he was sorry.

Affective Behavior: (feeling) I felt taken advantage of. I usually do my best to be considerate of others and he walked all over me. I also felt anger and disgust. Too be honest, my feelings were hurt too.

#3 Modify: I changed my behavior when I began to expand on the “why did he do that” question. My mom has always told me to use the “maybe trick” to calm down when someone frustrates you. For example, I started hypothesizing reasons why he may have run into me. One would be, maybe he didn’t speak English and didn’t know how to apologize, or maybe he was in a hurry looking for help. Thinking things like these solutions made it possible for me to calm down physically, emotionally, and mentally. Also my friends company cheered me up too.

Sample Test

By using the Self-witnessing technique I am able to look at my rage from a more objective point of view. This has helped me to recognize my rage and address the rage in a non-violent manner that benefits my emotional well being by helping me gain control of my emotions. Other helpful information included understanding my temperament. Here are a few sample questions from the Keirsey Temperament Sorter that can give you a better idea of the insight that understanding your temperament can bring.

1. With people are you usually more:

gentle than firm

firm than gentle

2. Do you think of yourself as:

an outgoing person

a private person

3. Do you find visionaries and theorists:

somewhat annoying

rather fascinating

4. Which seems the greater fault:

to be too dispassionate

to be too compassionate

5. At work is it more natural for you to:

point out mistakes

try to please others

6. Are you swayed more by:

a touching appeal

convincing evidence

7. Are you the kind of person who:

is rather talkative

doesn't miss much

8. Is it worse to:

have your head in the clouds

be in a rut

9. Waiting in line, do you often:

chat with others

stick to business

10. Which appeals to you more:

harmonious relationships

consistency of thought

11. Would you say you are more:

serious and determined

easy going

12. Is it preferable mostly to:

make sure things are arranged

just let things happen naturally

13. In a heated discussion do you:

look for common ground

stick to your guns

14. Do you consider yourself:

a good conversationalist

a good listener

15. Do you feel better about:

coming to closure

keeping your options open

16. When in charge of others do you tend to be:

forgiving and lenient

firm and unbending

17. Are you drawn more to:

fundamentals

overtones

18. Do you prefer contracts to be:

signed, sealed, and delivered

settled on a handshake

19. Facts:

speak for themselves

illustrate principles

20. Do you usually want things:

settled and decided

just penciled in

If you would like to know more about the Keirsey Temperament Sorter and the scoring process please check it out at http://www.advisorteam.com/.

Please Email me with any comments or suggestions @ mightymousesa@hotmail.com