on Daniel Goleman’s Working With Emotional
Intelligence,
Bantam Books, Oct 1998.
THESE POINTS WERE COVERED IN EACH SECTION:
1. What is the main point, and the main sub-points of
this page.
2.
How do you
react to the main point and sub-points of this page? Describe your
initial reaction why you selected it.
3.
Do you
agree or disagree? Why? Describe your final reactions to this page.
4.
How does
this page relate to the course's topic and focus as you see it right now?
ASSIGNMENT FOR APRIL 10, AND 17.
THE LEADER’S COMPETENCE TOOL KIT (187-188)
THE LEADERSHIP RIPPLE EFFECT
(189)
TABLE OF CONTENTS
(Arranged by its
title and page number)
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KEY POINTS:
The great divide they are talking about here is competencies in
people which lies between mind a heart or more specifically cognition and emotion. Cognitive competence is purely cognitive, like
analytic reasoning or technical expertise while Emotional competence, is
combination of both ability in cognitive area and skills in feelings, having
ability in empathy and social skills.
The story here was about a flight attendant who was very
emotionally competent. Although this particular flight was delayed and passengers
were eager to get off the plane and many were standing before the plane
completely stopped at the gate. But instead of announcing in stern voice,
‘please seat down’ she said in a playful but forgiving tone, ‘you’re standing!’
At that every one sat down and everyone still happy.
MY
THOUGHTS:
I
chose this pages because it reminded me of my trip from Seattle. It was a
similar situation where everyone started to stand up early to get their bag.
Then the stewardess went on the intercom in an irritated tone, ‘Everyone PLEASE
sit down. And the lady in the back with the pink sweater, would you please sit
down!’ I was so shocked when I heard that. The way the stewardess handled the
situation was so bad. If she had a little more emotional competence, she could’ve
handle the situation more effectively without hurting anyone feelings or
embarrassing them but I think she ultimately embarrassed herself by acting that
way.
Final
reaction to this page is that I agree that we all need to possess intelligence
and competence beyond just the books or technical skills that we learn. To be
successful at work and to handle your work in the best possible way, you need
to be skillful both in your professional skills that your job requires you to
have and more importantly skills in emotions, reading feelings of others and
yours and making meaningful emotional impact to the others. Because ‘MOST CONVINCING POWERFUL ARGUMENT SPEAK TO HEART AND AS WELL
AS TO THE HEAD’
KEY POINTS:
EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE IS LEARNED CAPABILITY BASED ON EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE THAT RESULTS IN OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE AT WORK. This competency
has two important abilities. EMPATHY (reading the feeling of others) and SOCIAL
SKILLS (handling those feelings artfully).
I thought someone who is emotionally intelligent will be also high in
emotional competence but in actuality high in emotional intelligence does not
mean a person will have learned the emotional competencies that matter for
work. It needs to be learned and it just determines our potential for learning
the practical skills. There are five
dimensions of emotional intelligence and 25 emotional competencies. And we have
to remember that we don’t have to be perfect. As long as we have strength in
all five areas of emotional intelligence we can be emotionally competent so it
means that there are many paths to excellence.
5 areas of emotional intelligence: SELF-AWARENESS,
SELF-REGULATION, MOTIVATION, EMPATHY, And SOCIAL SKILLS
25 areas of emotional competence: emotional awareness, accurate
self-assessment, self-confidence, self-control, trustworthiness,
conscientiousness, adaptability, innovation, achievement drive, commitment,
initiative, optimism, understanding others, developing others, service
orientation, leveraging diversity, political awareness, influence,
communication, conflict management, leadership, change catalyst, building
bonds, collaboration and cooperation, team capabilities
MY
THOUGHTS:
I
agree because every job has different requirements and different situations,
people you work with or deal with. I thought everyone with emotional
intelligence will be emotionally competent but I guess this is separated from
one another where emotional competence has to be learned separately. Probably
emotionally intelligent person will be more likely to learn emotional
competence rapidly and naturally compared to someone who is not.
KEY POINTS:
LEADER needs to be emotionally competent to help others to do
their job more efficiently and effectively. Interpersonal ineptitude leads to
lower performance for everyone where it wastes time, creates acrimony, corrodes
motivation and commitment, builds hostility and apathy. Top leaders are people
who are talented in the technical skill but also are strong in the emotional
intelligence. They need ability to relate, to speak up and be heard and be
comfortable with yourself. And some of the ingredients for excellence are:
DRIVE: just there from 8-5 or have high energy, difficult to
work with, or natural leader.
DIPLOMACY: inspire and guide others, can you take creative risks
and adapt
PROACTIVITY: are you action-oriented, following up to impact the
business?
MY THOUGHTS:
This
page made me reflect on myself at my workplace. I feel ashamed because I lacked
many of these skills. As soon as I start work, I look at my watch, wanting to
go home and feel bothered by co-workers and customers, lacking any kind of
motivation. From reading this book, I really feel like I am at he bottom of
emotional intelligence. I guess there is only one way to go which is up.
Hopefully, I will be able to different at the end of the semester when I am
done with this book.
KEY POINTS:
This is by Worden, director of business research at Kodak. He
says that importance of emotional intelligence increases, the higher you go in
organization. Higher you go up, less important technical skills become, and
more important competence in emotional intelligence, almost twice as important.
The STAR PERFORMER needed one cognitive ability which is pattern recognition,
the big picture thinking. Emotional competence made the crucial difference
among the leaders. The STAR PERFORMERS had greater strengths in
q INFLUENCE,
q TEAM LEADERSHIP,
q POLITICAL AWARENESS,
q SELF CONFIDENCE,
q ACHIEVEMENT DRIVE.
MY THOUGHTS:
I
think this is true. A real good boss or a leader of a group needs to be smart
in their fields but more importantly; they need people skills where they can be
emotionally competent. They should be a leader in which people can admire them
and be confident enough so that people will follow them. I think this is really
crucial in the fact that leaders that lack such skills are unpopular and they
are not liked by many people, as well as their advancement in the work field is
very limited. I think people with the five elements mentioned above, have the
drive to be the best for the interest of the group and see a bigger picture in
the things that they do.
WHAT EXACTLY IS STAR WORTH? (Pp 36-37)
KEY POINTS:
Small group of account managers at RCA were able to raise size
of their accounts each year for tens of millions of dollars more in sales. It
wasn’t their technical expertise were better than others but they had better
people skills. These STAR PERFORMERS spent more time with their clients wooing
them, going out drinking, telling them more information, and building
relationship, sensing clients wants and needs, how to play those elements. The
very best team is group with excellent teamwork. Instead of competing, they
collaborated to bring good result to the company and for themselves as well.
MY
THOUGHTS:
These
traits are very common in collectivistic cultures than individualistic cultures
like ours that encourage teamwork. Many studies were done to show that they did
excel in-group work but I wonder if they were generally better workers in
emotionally intelligent than individuals from individualistic cultures. I guess
since many of them are group at group work, cooperating, and collaborating, it
contributes to their success. However, it is hard to judge their emotional
intelligence from their group work abilities because there are other areas of
emotional intelligence like, self-confidence, and empathy, which they might
have or lack. Which ever, it is crucial to be a group worker and not a loner
because it really makes a difference, two heads make better than one!
KEY POINTS:
In our 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s people have drives to establish
ourselves. By our late 40’s and 50’s, people start to re-evaluate their goals
since they realize life is limited. Even if they are earning 7 digit salaries,
many of them are bored, feel like they are stuck and don’t like what they are
doing. There is a saying, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any road
will get you there.’ The less aware we are of what makes us passionate, the
more lost we will be. And this affects our health too. People who are not being
used well on the job, who feel their work is repetitive and boring have higher
risk of heart disease than those who feel that their job is competitive and
exciting. Self-awareness offers a sure rudder for keeping our career decision
in harmony with our deepest values.
MY
THOUGHTS:
This
ties in with this class. Many work rage is derived from these unhappy feeling
that we have. And may be being in wrong profession/career could be the cause of
some work rage. Many times these feelings of unhappiness end up hurting our
health and performance and overall career success.
KEY POINTS:
This is about the top manager at a company always talking about
‘sharing power’ and delegating authority. But when crisis arose, he was
rebuffing anyone else’s advice and it damaged the self-confidence of Harry’s
staff. He couldn’t see his own contradiction and first step in improving one’s
performance is to identify a need for improvement but self-knowledge is
difficult to come by. Being blind to our problem areas can put our career and
relationships at risk. In company of executive who did well, al l had
weaknesses but their difference was that people who didn’t succeed failed to
learn form their mistakes and shortcomings. Accuracy in self-assessment was
hallmark of superior performance. STAR PERFORMERS have limits on their
abilities but they know where they need improvement or they know how to work
with someone else who has strengths they lack.
MY
THOUGHTS:
I
really agree with this. It is so easy to see others at fault but when we really
have to see ourselves, we overlook our weaknesses and faults. I think we need
to stop being critical to others and become more critical our own self first.
When we become aware of our own shortcomings, we will be open for improvement
and let other people to help us in areas in need of help and accept help and
comments or feedbacks positively. Becoming defensive to something like
feedback, in the end is only hurting us. Because we could benefit from
feedbacks from others since sometimes it is hard to judge ourselves as how
others see us.
KEY POINTS:
This one particular college professor said,
‘on it’ a lot in his sentences. He wanted to improve his effective
communication skills so he asked his students to raise their hands every time
he said the words, ‘on it’. He was oblivious to this habit, until he had his
students raise their hands. He realized what a bad habit he had and took a bold
step towards improvement to change his style, determined to change. By his
seeking out feedback, wanting to hear how others perceived him and realizing
that this is an important step. This kind of self-awareness helps people in
process of continuous improvement and knowing one’s strength and weakness and
approaching their work accordingly was competence found in virtually all STAR
PERFORMERS.
MY THOUGHTS:
I totally agree with this. ‘Know thyself’. It is easy
to pinpoint others faults, and other mistakes but when it comes to our own
self, we are very lenient or sometimes very oblivious to our own faults. It is
important to analyze ourselves in our both strengths and weaknesses. By looking
at our weaknesses, we can learn from it and decide how to improve such weakness
and turn it into a strength. Like the professor, it just takes your effort to
make a difference that matters. By opening your eyes to your own behaviors, I
think we can all become a better person. If someone asked me now what my
strengths and weaknesses were, I don’t think I’ll be able to answer right away.
It’s not something I always think of. But my reading this passage, I think my
biggest weakness is being lazy, which is ultimately the worst trait, in my
opinion. I’ve always known I was lazy but I never made an effort to do anything
about it. I guess just acknowledging your weakness is not good enough. WE NEED
TO KNOW WHO WE ARE AND WE NEED TO CHANGE THOSE CHARACTERISTICS THAT MAKES US
WEAK OR INCOMPETENT.
SELF-CONTROL Keeping Disruptive Emotions
and Impulses in Check (pp 82-83)
KEY POINTS:
This section focuses on how
to keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check. People with skills in
self-control can manage their impulse feelings and distressing emotions well
and stay composed, positive and unflappable even in trying moments. They are
able to think clearly and stay focused under pressure. The first story that is
told in this section is about angry Bill Gates in a crowded conference room
with about 20 young people. All of them were very afraid of him, except for one
Chinese American who had this self-control. Her composed and calmness allowed
her to think clearly and was able to calm Bill Gates.
‘Ultimate act of personal responsibility at work may be taking
control of our own state of mind’.
MY THOUGHTS:
I
think this story ties in well with our class with the topic of work rage. It
gives many useful insights how having self-control in beneficial and necessary
for both the individual and the group. Instead of spending time being
distressed or angry, having control over such feelings and able to control the
feelings of others, you are able to progress more and become more productive in
whatever work you are in. When we are angry, anger takes over and it blurs all
our sense of judgment and sensibility and resisting such mood is essential in
our ability to work productively and happily.
KEY POINTS:
This story is about the author himself when he was working for
this publishing company and had a new boss. The new boss gave him tremendous
amount of stress. At that time he needed the job and couldn’t afford to lose
the job. But instead of freaking out and stressing over it, he turned to
mediation one of the method of stress management. By meditating every morning,
before going to work, he was able to reduce this stress and problem was
eventually resolved when that mean boss got promoted to another department.
ADVICE: People best able to handle distress often have a stress
management technique and although you feel distressed, such stress management
technique allows people to be less provoked and less prone to stimulus that was
stressful before.
MY THOUGHTS:
When
I read this story, I think it really helps to have some kind of stress
management skill. Everyone has difficulty dealing with some situations, and it
really is difficult if you have nothing to rely on as a support system. I
didn’t try meditation but I think this really is an excellent idea. There are
other methods as well but I think it is most successful if you find what works
best for you.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PRESENCE (pp. 108-109)
KEY
POINTS:
Reading
this page made me evaluate myself at work. I have a job that I do like a robot.
Like a routine, I’m just trying to kill time until I can punch out and I think
my job is boring and waste of my time. Although I am present at work
physically, mentally I’m elsewhere, usually daydreaming. I could also be
talking to my boss or customers but not really listening to what they are
saying.
And these traits I mentioned above, Goleman
calls it PSYCHOLOGICAL ABSENCE. This is where work is just a routine and in a
sense you are as good as not showing up since you are not completely there,
meaning your mind and body.
I think this kind of traits can be found in
people from a lot of different places. The ideal trait is to be exactly
opposite of being psychologically absent but be PSYCHOLOGICALLY PRESENT. Being
fully attentive, completely involved in their work to perform their best, being
open to others, self aware (being able to recognize and know your emotions,
strengths/weaknesses).
MY
THOUGHTS:
I think work-rage, and conflicts at work results many times
due to being psychologically
absent. When fully psychologically
present, we are more tuned to our surroundings to the people and the
situation, and can adapt to what’s needed and react to situation effectively.
When we are psychologically absent,
we are not aware if a coworker is having problems or if there are problems to
be resolved at work and it can be overlooked for long time, which can
accumulate and accumulate and become a BIG PROBLEM. So being psychologically present
at work will allow us to be more productive and happier.
AFFILIATION: THE PEOPLE MOTIVE (pp. 111-112)
KEY POINTS:
Affiliation is liking people; genuinely appreciating and
enjoying people and is key element of success in many occupations. People in fields
like medicine, nursing, and teaching in helping profession it is a necessity.
However, people in managerial position also need this quality but not too high
of a drive because too much affiliation can cloud judgment and distract from
doing things objectively. There was a man who was a millionaire and very
successful but he was not happy with the job and he quitted to do more helping
jobs for the people. And from this, he said he felt the greatest
accomplishment.
MY THOUGHTS:
This
is insightful to students deciding what do with their life. It seems like money
is good at first but in the long run, most people want a fulfilling rewarding
job that they enjoy doing. By evaluating your affiliation motive, if you are
high on this motive, should pursue jobs like teaching and nursing, or other
people jobs. If you are not high in this motive, should consider other career
path since you’ll not feel fulfilled in your goals and unhappy as a result of
selecting the wrong profession.
THE ART OF LISTENING (pp. 140-141)
KEY POINTS:
Listening well is essential for workplace
success. Our communication time in our lifestyle is 22% spent on reading and
writing, 23% speaking, 55% listening.
Listening is also art where you need
1. Give sent that one is open to listening in the first place
and by doing this people who seem easiest to talk to are those who get to here
more
2. Actively listening by asking questions and
restating what you’ve heard
And sales is about art of listening. It should
be viewed as task as being able to listen well and understand what the customer
or client need, and then find a way to meet those needs. Most successful sales
rep were those who were empathic cared about their needs and concerns than well-spoken
extrovert.
MY THOUGHTS:
My personal thoughts on this were that it made
me think about my job and people who I work with. Some of them are bad at
Japanese but does really well in sales (I work with Japanese tourists). And I
thought since they can’t speak they would be bad in selling things but actually
they were actually really successful at it. I guess they listened more for the
cues and body gestures that sometimes people who can communicate ignores or
neglects. So I realized that it is not
really how well you speak but how well you listen that matters.
THE ART OF CRITIQUE (pp. 148-149)
KEY POINTS:
This was a
story of Shirley Delibero, head of New Jersey Transit Authority who had the art
of critiquing. She showed people she appreciated them while giving both
positive feedback and constructive performance feedback. Helpful coach or
critique is to provide information about what is wrong and give corrective
feedback and positive expectation of the person’s ability to improve. In
comparison, worst way to give feedback is during amygdala hijack when it
becomes character attack and also neglecting to give feedback at all! They are
equally bad. People need feedback either it be positive or negative to increase
performance but many times mangers, supervisors, and executives are inept at
giving feedback or they don’t give one at all.
MY
THOUGHTS:
I chose this section because I could relate to this topic. I also feel like people at work don’t care. When you are praised or criticized, you get more motivated to do better. When you get praised, you feel appreciated and special and bring on more positive, happier work setting compared to really critical or no feedback workplace that make you feel really stupid or unimportant. I think it is really important in having a relationship with workers and supervisors, where communication line is left open for feedback and interaction. Of course, these feedbacks should be careful, and not to hurt other people’s feelings, which sometimes happens with criticism and feedbacks. But nonetheless, feedback is really important in work and any relationship to have open relationship.
KEY POINTS:
In our society, most organization has customers or clients. The purpose of business is not to make a sale but to make and keep these customers. How customers feel when they interact with employee determines how they feel about company itself and loyalty is lost or strengthened through the interaction between company and its customers. So success in business is customer service and improving the interaction between employee and customer is most important.
MY THOUGHTS:
Tying this section with the previous
(Art of Critique), employees are really important assets of a company but many
times we feel unappreciated and overly criticized with lack of praise. These
things make employees unhappy and feel inept in their job. I know customer
service is important and educating employees is important but more importantly
before putting people in the managerial positions, they need to give them
proper training and education. That way, they will provide accurate feedback to
employees and employees as a result also can work in most optimal situation
that will improve their performance.
HANDLING THE OTHER PERSON’S EMOTIONS (pp
167-168)
KEY POINTS:
It was a muggy day at Walt Disney World
and the 20 min ride back to their hotel was just horrible but he bus driver
started to sing, which improved the cranky children and parents into a better
mood. This was example how the driver was taking advantage of the emotional
contagion, by being happy it relayed to other people. We prime other’s
emotional states as we do ours. Howard Friedman from UC Irvine says, ‘The
essence of eloquent, passionate, spirited communication seems to involve the
use of facial expression, voices, gestures, and body movements to transmit
emotions’ and from research people with this skill are better able to move
and inspire others. So being poor at managing and appropriately expressing
emotions can be a major handicap.
MY THOUGHTS:
So being aware of your own emotions, you also need to
express them appropriately which will lead us to lead more happier life and
possible have power to influence others through proper managing and expressing
of your emotion. Work rage may be due to such failure to properly express your
feeling and that can create misunderstanding and grudge that may collect and
accumulate into a bigger problem.
