CUSTOMER
SERVICE RAGE... at Barnes & Noble
This page is composed of these
elements:
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I
hear and I forget I
see and I believe I
do and I understand -CONFUCIUS
(551-479 BC) |
·
Incident
·
Self-witnessing
Observations using the three step method
Incident:
This was one of the major rage episodes in my life. It just happened
at Barnes & Noble Bookstore. They have a small café where they sell
Starbucks coffee. Like a regular coffee shop, they have many students studying
there. So this one Sunday afternoon, my boyfriend and I decided to study there
since most of the libraries were closed since it was the Easter Sunday. We
arrived there around 1:30pm after we had our lunch. It was just a regular day,
or we thought it was.
Then it happened. It was around 4:30 ish and my boyfriend were
going to get a refill on his coffee and I see one of the female workers talking
to him. His facial expression changed and I knew something was wrong. I waited
and I decided to find out what happened. Apparently, the female employee told
him that since we were here since this morning, we should move somewhere else
to study. I was furious. We were only here from the morning! I got mad at him
for not saying anything to her. I know he did but it was not satisfactory to
me. I try to calm down but I was getting madder and mad the more I thought about
it so I decided to talk to that girl personally.
First,
I approached her and asked her what she said. She was like,
"There is no study policy and since you folks were here since
this morning, I asked him to move."
I was so mad and said, "We were not here from the morning. We came in at 1:30 and you
must have mistaken us for someone else.”
But by this time, my voice was already raised and I knew I was
getting really excited and upset over this. Then she says,
“Well, sorry, but there is no study policy here,” with the most fakest smile I’ve
ever seen.
This girl kept on saying that. Although she apologized, it was so
fake. She had the fake, sarcastic smirk on her face that drove me crazy, and
although her mouth spoke the words, ‘sorry’, it was far from the truth. She did
not explain what the no study policy
was, and the way she talked to me and my boyfriend was so insincere and rude.
We did not expect to be treated like kings but at lease with some respect. This
was when I started to go into rage. I knew it because I was already stuttering
and I couldn’t speak clearly. I yelled to her, “Let me speak to your manager!”
Soon the manager arrived and he was helpful, I think. He was
trying to explain what the no study
policy was. The NO STUDY POLICY
they were talking about was not clearly written on the sign. The sign in front
of the café didn’t say, no studying and only 45 min limit, it just said that
the café was for the customers only. However, we were purchasing customers. In
fact, we were planning to purchase more items before that worker came in and
ruined it all. But mostly my rage developed from the way the whole situation
was handled by her (the worker). If she had explained it from the beginning
what the policy was, before she assumed we were there from the morning, it
wouldn’t have caused all these problems. And she was very inconsistent in
pointing out who was there earlier and who was 
not. There were few others who were
there way before us, and they were not even drinking any coffee or anything!
Why did she talk to us for? We were
purchasing customers! She was really bad at customer service and she didn’t
even know it. The manager was trying to explain but it just didn’t make sense.
Anyway, the manager said he’d talk to her. He was calm and I thought he handled
the situation really well compared to the girl, who was just plainly dumb and
rude.
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Self-witnessing
observations
1.
How did
I decide what to report on?
This was real obvious incident of rage
to me. I knew while this event was occurring, I knew I was raging because my
heart was beating so fast and I couldn’t speak clearly. My emotions were out of control and I also
noticed that I got really excited and was yelling at the worker, which is
really bad. I really exploded! These types of rages that I have at restaurants
and coffee shops are reoccurring although each one is different. Each episode
is composed of different reasons why I rage but they are all rages that I
experience while eating or drinking somewhere and I feel like they are related
somehow.
2. What methods did I use?
I used the Three-step method: Step 1 Acknowledge
Step 2 Witness
Step 3 Modify
And
analyzing the three-fold self: sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective.
3. What difficulties were
there and how reliable are the observations (what errors may there be there)?
The incident was recorded as soon as it happened
and I knew I was about to go into raging or even before I began to rage. I knew the rage was slowly developing as
more time went by and the more I thought about the situation and what the girl
said. Maybe the error could have resulted in my evaluation of my own self
during rage. I could have overlooked some behaviors or thoughts of mine since
there were so many emotions occurring at the same time, that some emotions
might have been ignored or displaced by my bigger emotions.
4. What were the observations: Where? When? What?
Who?
· Where: It
happened at Barnes & Noble Café in Kahala Mall.
· When: It was
Easter Sunday at 4:30 pm.
·
What: I was studying at the café but I got into argument with a very
rude worker who didn’t know what she was talking about, and didn’t know what
customer service is all about.
·
Who: Barnes & Noble café’s female clerk who was very rude to my
boyfriend and I, making rude comments from her misunderstanding, and failure to
treat her customers respectively
|
Recognizing
that I am experiencing a rage episode |
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It began as a regular day at a coffee
shop but it all changed when I saw the female worker speaking to my boyfriend
in a not so friendly way. As soon as I saw his expression changing, I was
sure that something unpleasant has just occurred. I stood up from my table
and approached the two but they were finished talking and she was apologizing
to him. I asked him, ‘What did she say?’ but he said he wasn’t sure and
looked really confused. I think at this point I was developing rage at my
boyfriend for not being clear about what happened and not speaking clearly
about his feelings to others. He just let that girl talk nonsense to him and
he didn’t even say anything back to her. From this frustration that I got
from talking to my boyfriend, I decided to talk to the girl worker directly
and find out what exactly happened. As soon as I started to talk to her I
knew I was getting into a rage. Before I talked to her, I knew I was about to
rage unless I did something about it but actually after I talked to her, my
raging emotions got more out of control.
My attempt to resolve a problem without raging actually turned into
one of a real big rage in my life. |
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STEP
2: WITNESS
Becoming consciously aware of these three elements of
my rage episode:
My sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective behaviors
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Consciously
modify all three elements (sensorimotor, cognitive, affective behaviors) of
my rage |
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5. When did rage become visible? How was it
manifested? How serious or intense was it?
As soon as I saw my boyfriend’s facial expression changing from talking
to that female worker, I felt uneasy to my stomach. When I asked my boyfriend
what the girl said, I was already feeling the rage starting to get bigger and
bigger. I saw her apologizing to him so I tried to ignore it but I just
couldn’t. I felt more angered and raged by the way she handled herself that I
just could not ignore. I had to talk to her myself and figure out what exactly
happened. As I was talking to her, (it was an friendly talk, at first) I
realized how rude she was. I was not mad, I just wanted to clear something up
but she reacted really defensively and her fake smirk on herself just made me
go into a rage for at least 30 minutes. I yelled at her to bring the manager
and even when he came, I was raging at him as well and the company for its
stupid policy.
I guess this was an intense rage. I couldn’t control it and I got
really excited. Almost everyone in the café was listening to us and by that
time, I didn’t care.
6. What was the context leading up to it and
how often did it happen?
As mentioned above in the passage, it was really a harmless, peaceful
day. But that female’s actions in handling her customer, or the way she talked
to customer was really terrible. If there was such policy of NO STUDYING, she
should have explained to us before demanding us to move and telling us that we
were there from the morning. Her mistakening us for other people made me really
angry. She didn’t even pay close attention to who we were and was trying to
enforce the policy. There were many other people who were there before us and
her failure to talk to them, her inconsistency in enforcing that rule made me
very angry.
7. Why is it showing up at that moment? What keeps it
up (assumptions, expectations)?
I think I have a belief that workers should be polite to the customers.
There are rules of the store and I know that needs to be enforced and
sometimes, the workers need to inform customers of some information. However,
that needs to be done properly without hurting the customers feelings and when
they make a mistake, they need to sincerely feel sorry and apologize
accordingly. I was angered by the way she said things, and the way she
apologized which was very mocking, and sarcastic manner. If she had behaved
differently, the misunderstanding would have been resolved without turning into
a rage episode, but her failure to behave properly lead me to go into a rage.
8.
What recovery possibilities are there? How could you modify this reaction pattern?
When rude worker says something really rude or inappropriate, I should
calm down and do not take it personally. I think my problem was that I took her
remarks and actions very personally, as if she had something against me. It
just could have been a misunderstanding and I could have just ignored my raging
emotions. If I need to clear up something, I should have done it more calmly
after my raging feelings have subsided. Raising voice and frowning on my part
could have brought her to react sarcastically and I think I need to calm down
and not take things so personally. I think most of the times it is not
personal. It just could be that person’s bad mood and I don’t need to take part
of that.
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Discussion
from Goleman’s Working with Emotional Intelligence:
Art of Listening. (Goleman, 140)
Customer service is a really
important part of business. Every business has customers or clients and the business
is built upon the relationship between the customer and the company.
It
reads,
"A finely tuned ear is at the
heart of empathy. Listening well is essential for workplace success. The U.S.
Department of Labor estimates that of the total time we spend in communication,
22% is devoted to reading and writing, 23% to speaking and 55% to LISTENING.
Those who cannot or do not listen come across as indifferent or uncaring, which
in turn makes other less communicative. And listening is an art. The first step
is giving the sense that one is open to listening in the first place."
Most of the times, people spend their
times; speaking their minds and have stopped listening to others. Instead of
emphasizing what I think, and what is my point of view, it is
really important to listen to the other person's voice, and point of view. That
is what conversation is all about. If we have the notions that we are right and
they are wrong, it doesn't matter what the other person say, because all you
will hear is the wrong things that are coming out of their mouth.
Applying
this to my situation, I think both of us had stopped listening and let our
emotions get in the way of really listening to one another. It wasn't a really
a big problem. It was just a misunderstanding that needed to be talked over.
And regardless of who started first, I think the both parties were at fault
because both had failed to listen ARTFULLY. Many times, we have so many things
to say that we just want to say them, even if it is inappropriate.
Solution to this problem is difficult. The whole
situation blew out of proportion due to lack of people skills. Most of these
people skills are not taught in schools nor work training programs, or at least
not yet. It is hard skill to acquire but the most important at that for us to
survive in this world. Either it be in the work force, or just relationship
wise, people skills is one thing that we need to get it right because two
wrongs don't make a right. We need to fix the mistake and change our reform our
behaviors because it really is never-ending problem.
EMOTIONAL
CONTAGION
What this term means is that emotions spread from person to person
as an alarm signal. ‘From the primitive human era, this could be explained with
fear. Person’s fear acted as an alarm signal, quickly focusing everyone’s
attention on an imminent danger, like stalking tiger.’ (Goleman, 165)
Goleman explains emotions like
this. “We transmit moods among us. Our emotions tell us what to focus on, when
to be ready to act. Emotions are attention grabbers, operating as warnings,
invitations, alarm, and the like. These are powerful messages, conveying
crucial information without necessarily putting that data into words. Emotions
are a hyper efficient mode of
communication. Each person in the chain of communication activates the same
underlying emotional state in the next, and so passes on the message to be
alert. Emotions as a signaling system need no words because our radar for
emotions attunes us to those around us, helping us interact more smoothly and effectively.”
This theory could explain why I was behaving
as I did. Emotions can be transmitted
between people and when a person seem upset, this upsetting feelings get passed
on to the next even if that person was feeling happy earlier. Emotions are
contagious. I guess at first, the female worker realized that she made a
mistake. Apologized to my boyfriend. But I was confused at the whole situation
and wanted to work it out. But I the manner in which I handled this situation
was not in a friendly manner. I wanted it to be friendly but obviously I
approached in a hostile way in which she was forced to respond to me in a
similar way from the emotional contagion. If I had approached her in more
friendlier and non-hostile manner, we would have discussed the manner more
quietly and with more understanding. Both of us were getting too excited to
fully understand what my purpose was in trying to talk to the female worker.
My facial
expressions, when I get upset is really ugly. Eyes strained, my eyebrows
brought closer to my face and it just does not look friendly. I think when I approached
her with this face, there is no way she could think I was friendly and I just
wanted to talk. I probably looked like I wanted to fight with her.
SELF-CONTROL
People
with self control
·
can manage their impulsive
feelings and distressing emotions well
·
can stay composed, positive, and
unflappable even in trying moments
·
can think clearly and stay
focused under pressure
This skill of self control manifests largely in the absence of more
obvious emotional fireworks. signs include being unfazed under stress or handling
a hostile person without lashing out in return.
“Also this is taking control of your own state of minds. Moods exert a
powerful pull on thought, memory, and perception. When we are angry, we more
readily remember incidents that support our ire, our thoughts become preoccupied
with the object of our anger and irritability so skews our worldview that an
otherwise benign comment might now strike us hostile.” (Goleman, 83)
If I apply this concept to my
behaviors, I was definitely lacking this skill. I failed to control my emotions
properly. I meant it to be a harmless approach but I had no self-control in the
way that I expressed my feelings to that female employee. If I had a little
more control over my emotions, although I was upset, I would have been able to express my thoughts and feelings a
little bit more clearer. And in return she would have listened more and would
have cared to listen to what I was trying to say. By showing her that I had no
self-control, she had every reason to believe that I was being hostile and it
is expected for her to behave the way she did, in self-defense.
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Many of my previous
rages that I have suffered from were mainly derived from work. Either it be my
coworkers like the story above, or to my manager, or even to customers. I have
always thought the problems was them, and not me. But through self-witnessing
process I have gained a special understanding to become conscious of my
feelings. When I attuned to my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, I was able to
better understand what my rages was all about. It is hard to see at first but
by going through my experiences in consciously, I was able to witness my raging
episodes and bring some modifications into these areas.
Self-control, listening,
and emotional contagion; these were three theories I tried to explain my
behaviors with. As you can see, my behaviors were out of control, and the
possible reason why the female worker behaved the way she did could have been
influenced by my actions as well. In the beginning, it started because of her
error. But I had failed to understand from her view, I lacked empathy clearly.
I only thought about my feelings and my situations, that I failed to see from
her point of view as well.
I came to understand
and calm my feelings down because I was able to see things objectively. I could
see that she made an error, and I should have just accepted that she made a
mistake instead of trying to prove to her and myself that she made a mistake. I
make mistakes, too. But I was too blind
and I was not aware of my own three self, sensorimotor, cognitive, and
affective. Through the 3-step method, I was able to modify all of these areas
successfully.
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