SELF-WITNESSING REPORT ON THE AGE OF RAGE
~Victim Of Rage~
by Kristen Rabe
May 3, 2001
Introduction
I'm sure we've all been
guilty of acting out in a rage at some point in our lives.
Yelling at other motorists on the road, kicking a piece of
machinery that doesn't work properly, or just thinking about
bringing harm to something or someone are all acts of rage
whether we actually act upon it or simply think about it. My
first report entitled Annotated Bibliography on the Age
of Rage describes
some of the different types of rage. The report includes
information about: Air Rage, Sports Rage, Surf Rage, Cell Phone
Rage, Snow Rage, and Work/Desk Rage. It provides descriptions of
these types of rage, samples/statistics/images from varying
websites about the rage, and a personal opinion on each type of
rage.
Upon completion of Report
1, I have come to realize that rage is all too common in our
society. No matter how great or how minute a situation may be,
someone out there will have their button pressed the wrong way
and become enraged. How are we to explain what's happening with
rage? People seem to be more 'on the edge' these days and resort
to mental, verbal, or physical harm when faced with frustration.
There may be conflicting statistics as to whether or not rage is
on the rise, but I feel as though it's becoming harder for people
to control their emotions particulary their negative emotions.
What we need to do is learn how to control our emotional
flare-ups so that we may prevent these acts of rage.
An important technique
that has been taught to prevent acts of rage is the
self-witnessing technique in which we look at our own self and
write/reflect on the different situations that seem to enrage us.
To further help us 'fix' or prevent our problem of rage, we use
the Three-Step Method which is to:
1.
Acknowledge - recognize when you're experiencing a rage
episode. "I'm having another rage episode" or "I'm raging."
2. Witness
- becoming consciously aware of 3
elements of your rage episode:
a)
Sensorimotor behavior - behavior that is visible to others
b)
Cognitive behavior - what you're thinking
c)
Affective behavior - what you're feeling
3. Modify
- consciously modify
all 3 elements of your rage.
(i.e.,
fix your face, control breathe; interrupt/contradict
thoughts of rage; invoke a higher affect or motive)
The following
is my attempt to apply this self-witnessing technique to my three
self-witnessing observations of rage by utilizing this Three-Step
Method.
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Self-Witnessing Observation #1
First of all, I decided to report on this
particular incident because I can clearly remember the details of
the incident and the amount of rage I felt. Because I am able to
remember the details clearly, my observations may be looked at as
reliable.
One Monday afternoon I went to the
drive-thru of a particular fast food restaurant and ordered
lunch. The employee had a strong accent and had trouble with my
order. I had to wait at least 5 minutes for him to repeat my
order again (and again and again) until he finally got it right.
At that point in time, I did not get too upset and remained calm
and collected. I received my food, but not the water that I
ordered, but I let it go since it wasn't that important anymore.
As I was leaving, I waited to turn right to enter the street
(entrance and exit is the same area) because I saw a van and a
small car following behind coming down (to the left of me). I
waited and then saw the right blinker of the van go on and then
the right blinker of the small car indicating that both the van
and small car were going to turn into the entrance, which means
that they'll turn before passing my car. As the van was turning
in, I double checked and saw that both the van and car had their
right blinker on and I made my turn into the street. As I
straighted out, I heard a loud honk. At first I didn't realize
that it was directed towards me until I looked in my rear-view
mirror and saw the small car with its blinker on. The car had not
turned and the girl honked at me! That's when I became
infuriated. I acknowledged, "I'm going to rage. I know she
didn't honk at me." Then I said outloud, "Idiot! Why
did you turn on your blinker if you weren't going to turn?!? So
stupid!" I knew she couldn't hear me since my windows were
up, but that's what I felt like saying to her face. I slowed down
a little and stared at the girl by looking in my rear-view
mirror. The strange thing is I did not tense up in my arms or
hands, so that I gripped the steering wheel, instead I felt
tension in my neck and in the temples of my head as I frowned. I
also felt my jaw tighten and my teeth clench. I just kept staring
into my rear-view mirror while I was stopped at a traffic light.
A minute later after the light turned green, I began to drive and
tried to relax the tension in my neck and jaw muscles by taking
deep breaths. I thought in my head, "Just don't look at her
and you'll be fine." But did I listen to that? Not really. I
took one last look at her as she switched into the lane next to
me to take a right. It was not until after the girl was totally
out of sight that I could really become calm and allow my rage to
fully dissipate.
I think I did a pretty good job of modifying
my sensorimotor behavior by relaxing my muscles and taking deep
breaths. About modifying my cognitive behavior, I don't think I
did that well because for the most part, I kept thinking about
how that girl shouldn't be on the road because she doesn't even
know when or how to use a blinker. The thought of "I
shouldn't think like this" didn't even cross my mind. As for
modification of my affective behavior, I didn't do too well in
that department either. Instead of thinking, "Thank God I
wasn't hit by her or that we didn't get into an accident," I
just thought about how I could retaliate--either by slowing down
or staring her down. If I'm in a similar situation like that
again, hopefully I'll be able to better utilize the modification
aspect of this method.
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Self-Witnessing Observation #2
I came around to choosing to report on this
incident because it has happened repeatedly throughout this
semester and each time it happened I tried to do a better job of
modifying my behavior. My observations are pretty reliable since
it's happened more than once.
Ever since around a month into school, I've
noticed a pattern that happens with a particular student in my
religion class. She shows up around five to ten minutes before
class, takes her seat and opens her notebook ready to take notes.
While we're waiting for class to start, she patiently sits there
or calls someone on her cell phone. Now that doesn't really
bother me because class hasn't officially started yet. What
bothers me is what happens after that. As soon as the teacher
walks in (and sometimes after the teacher begins lecturing) she
packs up her things and leaves the room while talking on her cell
phone. You must be thinking, well that's not too bad--at least
she's going outside to talk on her phone. The thing that gets me
so annoyed and in a rage afterwhile is the fact that she does
that every single time she shows up to class (except for exam
days of course). Towards the latter days of the semester, she's
been bringing a friend and they both do the same thing and leave
before the class even starts. Why? Who knows.
In the beginning, it didn't bother me that
much, but by the 5th time, I was pretty irritated. In my head I
acknowledged, "I'm going to feel rage again because of this
girl." Whenever I saw her getting ready to make her 'exit',
I began to tap my finger on my desk, my facial expression turned
into a frown, and I could feel my heart beat a little faster.
Sometimes she sat in the same row as I did, so I would have to
move for her to pass through, which got me more enraged. There
were many thoughts (some in the form of questions) that ran
through my head whenever this happened such as: "Why do you
(the girl) even come to class if you're just going to leave right
when the teacher walks in? Are you even in this class? You might
as well not even show up." Everytime this happened I felt
like asking her these questions and telling her how annoying and
disturbing it is not only to me, but others as well.
Modifying my behavior in this situation has
been improving as the semester goes on. Now, I am able to
successfully modify my behavior by preventing any form of rage in
the sensorimotor form (i.e., not frowning or tapping my finger on
the desk) whenever this situations occur. I am able to remain
calm, and if I do feel like my rage is returning, I think
(cognitively modify), "Don't get upset or irritated because
it shouldn't be a surprise that she's leaving again. You should
be used to it by now." The way I modify my affective
behavior now is to invoke a higher (positive) goal, which is to
stay focused on doing good in the class and to not let petty
irritations interfere with that goal. Thus, I am glad to say this
Three-Step Method has worked in this situation and I am now able
to laugh it off whenever the girl leaves.
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Self-Witnessing Observation #3
I chose this situation as my third
observation because I find it to be reliable since it happened
not too long ago and also because I couldn't believe what this
lady did after what I had done for her.
This incident happened on a work day for me.
I was on my lunch break and took my usual stroll to
Jack-in-the-Box. As I was about to enter, I noticed a young child
and his mother yelling at him behind me. This mother seemed a bit
harsh and I felt sorry for the child. I guess he was walking to
slowly for the mother, so she was yelling at him to hurry up. I
held the door open for awhile until the son and mother entered.
She did not say thank you or didn't even seem to acknowledge that
I was holding the door for them, but I didn't mind and didn't get
upset because I knew she was probably too frustrated with her son
at that point. I went to stand in line as the mother stayed in
the back off to the side, asking her son in a very loud and harsh
voice as to what he wanted to eat. I waited in the line for a
short amount of time before it was my turn to go and order. Just
as I was about to walk to the worker to order, the mother comes
from behind and zooms right passed me and begins ordering! I was
shocked at first. The first thought that popped into my head was,
"Okay. What just happened here?" Then, after a about a
second or two my mind acknowledged, "I am going to
rage!" I could feel my head getting hot. I crossed my arms
across my chest and I probably looked pretty upset because I had
my sunglasses on along with a big frown on my face. I stared at
the mother, and although she couldn't see my eyes, she knew I was
looking at her because she glanced at me, but continued to yell
at her son to tell her what he wanted. The main thought that
crossed my mind is, "I open the door for you and you don't
say thank you, but I excuse you for that, and then you have the
nerve to cut me off in line?! What the heck is that?!" I
felt extremely upset and felt like making it known to her that I
was in line and that she cut me off. There have been times when
I've said things out loud to make it known to the person,
although, this time I ended up 'sparing' the mother.
While waiting for my turn (again) I tried to
modify my sensorimotor behavior first by removing the frown on my
face and not crossing my arms. As in other situations, I tried to
relax by taking in a couple of deep breaths. In order to modify
my cognitive behavior, I tried to interrupt my rage thoughts by
thinking of what I was going to order. This in turn led me to
'somewhat' modify my affective behavior by focusing on the goal
of getting my order taken and finally eating lunch rather than
focusing on retaliation (or being the 'victor' in a duel). By the
time it was my turn to order, I was somewhat rage free, yet I
think the fact that the mother was having a hard time ordering
with the worker made it even easier for me to not be so upset. I
ended up getting my food before her, which made me feel a bit
better, so I guess I did not fully modify my affective behavior
since I did sort of feel like I was the 'victor' in this
situation.
Although I was very angry in this situation,
I was still able to utilize the Three-Step Method to the best of
my ability at the moment and modify most aspects of my rage.
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Discussion on...
Self-Witnessing Observation #1
In my first self-witnessing observation, I
became upset at a driver for what I took as her placing blame on
me by honking her horn when she was the one who used her blinker
in the wrong manner. I did not control my belief about this
driver in a positive way. According to Dr. Driving, a belief
about a driver's ability (or inability) may be attributed to
several elements: 1) the driver's disposition --
thinking the person is inconsiderate, incompetent, stupid, dumb;
2) the driver's appearance (i.e., race, age, gender,
ethnicity); 3) the traffic situation -- you might think
the car is old or malfunctioning or the driver is a student
driver. The first two elements are called "distributional
attributes" while the third is known as "situtational
attributes". In this case, I made a dispositional
attribution towards the driver by calling her an idiot and
stupid. Dr. Driving states that when people make a distributional
attribution, they react with negative emotions. On the otherhand,
when people make a situational attribution (something that I did
not do), they are positive and feel more tolerant. Dr. Driving
also says that one has a choice as to whether to make a
dispositional or situational attribution. In this case, I made
the wrong choice.
Self-Witnessing Observations #2
& 3
(Discussion)
The frustration-aggression theory may be
used to explain my rage in my second and third self-witnessing
observations. This theory says that frustration stems from the
perception that you are being prevented from obtaining a goal,
which will increase the probability of an aggressive response
(Aronson, Wilson, & Akert, 466). In my situation with the
mother cutting me off in line, I became enraged partly due to the
fact that she prevented me from my goal of ordering my food and
eating lunch. My goal of learning and being educated by taking
lecture notes was somewhat prevented by the student who would
leave in a matter of minutes after showing up. The fact that she
did the same thing whenever she came to class resulted in me
frowning and tapping my fingers rapidly on my desk in
frustration.
Self-Witnessing Observations #1,
2, & 3
(Discussion)
Upon reflecting on the three self-witnessing
observations, I've found that there is a similarity in how I
reacted externally in these 'rageful' situations. When dealing
with my sensorimotor behavior, in all three situations my facial
expression transformed into a frown and in two of the situations
I stared intensely at the person. In this instances, I tended to
express my rage directly to the person in a nonverbal manner more
often than in a verbal manner. Nonverbal communication is
communication using body movements, gestures, and facial
expressions rather than speech. According to Macionis, facial
expressions form the most significant element of nonverbal
communication and that eye contact is a crucial element of
nonverbal communication (159, 160). Aronson, Wilson, and Akert
further explain that two of the the primary uses of nonverbal
behavior are expressing emotions (i.e., narrowing eyes,
brows lower, staring intensely, your mouth set in a thin straight
line--you're angry) and conveying attitudes (i.e., eyes
averted, body turned away--"I don't like you.") (107).
They also go on to say that "Eye contact and gaze are
particularly powerful nonverbal cues" (110). Thus, the
strength of one's rage may not only be verbally expressed, but
also nonverbally through eye contact and facial expression.
Although only one of my situations dealt
with road rage, the principles stated in Dr. James' book Road
Rage and Aggressive Driving, may be applied to all three of
my rage incidents. Dr. James states that the outcome of a
potential rage event may be dependent on the symbolic value we
attach to the event. If we attach the event to our self-esteem,
we may go down the road of rage, feeling insulted, demeaned,
disrespected, wronged, and thwarted from our legitimate goal.
Apparently, I attached all three events to my self-esteem. In my
first observation, I felt I was wronged by being honked at for
the driver's own driving error. In my second observation, I felt
wronged and disrespected not only because I was cut in front of
in line, but also because that happened after excusing the mother
for not saying thank you after holding the restaurant door open
(for a while) for her and her son. By her cutting, I also felt
thwarted from my original goal of ordering my food. In my last
observation, I also felt thwarted from my goal of taking notes,
so that I can do well on my exam. Dr. James goes on to write that
when we do feel our self-esteem threatened, the emotional,
reptilian old brain takes over and leads us to emotionally
challenged behavior like retaliating (in some shape or form).
Although my 'retaliation' may not be as severe as others, I still
responded negatively in one way or another.
-Back to Table of Contents-
Final Thoughts
The fact
that we will experience rage at one point in time in our lives
doesn't mean that we should give into it whenever the situation
arises. We can do something about it, and one way to effectively
reduce the amount of rage episodes we involve ourselves in is to
utilize the Three-Step Method (acknowledge,
witness, modify). This Three-Step Method allows us to tap into
the important aspects of emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman
defines emotional intelligence as "the capacity for
recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating
ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and our
relationships" (317). One dimension of this concept is
self-awareness, which according to Goleman is "knowing what
we are feeling in the moment, and using those preferences to
guide our decision making" (318). By becoming aware of what
feelings (i.e., anger, rage) may be built up within ourselves and
by knowing what situations trigger those feelings, we are able to
prevent and control those feelings of rage by learning the second
dimension of emotional intelligence, which is self-control.
Goleman states that those with self-control stay composed under
stress and remain calm, confident, and dependable in stressful
situations (41). In otherwords, having self-control means the
ability to keep your feelings under control to prevent any acts
of rage.
Overall,
rage in the personal observations I mentioned may not be at such
a high degree as in other situations, but any kind of response in
a negative manner intended to hurt someone whether emotionally,
verbally, or physically is still considered rage. We need to
examine ourselves in order for us to make a change towards
becoming emotionally intelligent. Goleman states that all
emotional competencies (i.e., self-control, self-awareness) can
be cultivated with the right practice (239). I consider the
Three-Step Method as the 'right practice' when trying to overcome
rage. By implimenting this method daily, I believe all the
dimensions of emotional intelligence will fall into place and
lead to less "Victims of Rage."
-Back to Table of Contents-
References
Aronson, E., Wilson, T., & Akert, R.
(1999). Social Psychology
(3rd ed.). New York: Addison-Wesley
Educational.
Goleman, Daniel. (1998). Working with
Emotional Intelligence. New
York: Bantam Books.
James, L. & Nahl, D. (2000). Steering
clear of highway warfare.
Road Rage & Aggressive Driving
The Book [Online].
Available: http://www.aloha.net/~dyc/booktoc.html
[2001,
May 1].
Macionis,
J. (1997). Sociology (6th ed.). New Jersey: Prentice-Hall.
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Presentation
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