0. Title of the report:
My Proposal for TV Ratings on Anti-Unity Values (AUV)
in Gender Behavior
By Brigitlynn Duclos
My report 2 had to deal with mapping the threefold self in gender relationships. The first step in report 2 was to define self-witnessing and the threefold self. After giving our own definition, we had to give some examples from the generational curriculum. These terms were used as guidelines for our report. We had to conduct a self-witnessing experiment on a couple we knew. The experiment consisted of keeping track of how the threefold self in the partnership was engaged. We had to collect data and observe the couple in various daily social interactions. After reviewing our data we had to analyze our observations and try to assess their level of unity in their relationship by using the unity model discussed in class and in our readings.
The experiment in report 2 was to keep track of how the threefold self in the partnership was engaged. The purpose of observing a couple and gathering data was to see how a man and a woman in a relationship relate to each other in the senorimotor, cognitive, and affective self. The purpose of report 2 was also to see whether our observations support the model of unity. The assignment made me more knowledgeable on the different models, levels of unity, and the different interacting domains of the individuals threefold self. The information I learned from the last report will help me interpret my and my partners’ interactions in my future relationships. The purpose of this report 3 was to observe events, words, or attitudes that go against the unity model in the TV shows we watch. The task was to describe and take notes on anti-unity values and explain the scene and why we think the scene is promoting an anti-unity value (AUV).
There are three different models in a gender relationship that a couple must achieve in order to reach unity in a partnership. The first level of unity in the model is called the Traditional or Dominance Model and involves the sensor motor (external) part of the threefold self. The second level is called the Equity Model and involves the cognitive (internal) threefold self. The third and highest level is called the Unity Model and it involves the Affective (inmost) self. The overall model says that a man and a woman can form a partnership where they can become unified at all of the three levels of the threefold self. The affective level is the deepest and most determinative because it guides the other two levels. However, the level of conjunction is not possible unless both partners abandon the prior two models. Gender unity is based on differentiation of traits that are reciprocal. In a heavenly marriage, there is no predominance and the two conjoin and are mutually linked together. They each love and think like one another and therefore form reciprocity and are conjoined into one. When this happens, the marriage and couple have reached perfect unity.
Doctrine of the Wife for Husbands-A Spiritual Practice for Achieving Unity--Part 1 by Leon James www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy/instructor/gloss/wife.html
3. Class Oral Presentations and Lecture Discussions
Oral 1 Topic: Revolt Of Woman: www.newchurchissues.org/wip/MF/mf15wg.htm
This oral presentation was given March 2, 2004. The first idea that I thought was interesting was on the superiority of man to inferiority of woman. It said that a husband is wisdom of love and that he speaks out mind from that wisdom. The woman is love of that wisdom and she listens and recognizes, accepts or rejects. I think that this is the basis one must know about understanding reciprocity and unity. The second idea that I took from this topic was about the superiority of woman to inferiority of man. The main idea from this was that conjugal love depends on wife’s love. In the end, the strength and unity of a marriage depends on the wife. The third idea that I was in agreement with was that a heavenly marriage must consist of the good of natural man + truth of spiritual man or the good of spiritual man + truth of celestial man. I agree with this idea because it is said that a man must give in to a woman willingly to join in conjugal love with her.
An idea that was not clear to me was why W.L. Gladesh rejects the idea about what a heavenly marriage consists of. Another idea that I did not understand completely was the statement that a conjugal sphere is received by feminine sex and transferred into masculine sex.
Oral 2 Topic: Feminine Wisdom: http://www.newchurchissues.org/wip/MF/mf97es.htm
This oral presentation was given March 30, 2004. The first idea I want to discuss from this presentation is on how masculine wisdom and feminine wisdom are equal yet different. The two wisdoms are complementary and form to develop conjugal love. Their wisdoms are equal but different in what they focus on. This is explained by my next idea. Masculinity cannot be converted into femininity, and vise versa. The male is born intellect-oriented, with affection for knowing, understanding, and becoming wise. The female is born will-oriented, with love for joining herself to that affection in the male. When a man and a woman reach perfect unity, their wisdoms conjoin together and are then complete My last idea from this topic is on distinctiveness and conjunctive ness. It is explained that conjunction is for sharing what is distinctive in each. The husband is truth and understanding and the wife is good and will. They each have these aspects, but they predominate and are stronger in what they are given from God.
What I did not understand was this statement; the heavenly marriage is that of good with truth and of truth with good of a higher and lower degree. I don’t understand what it means from a higher or lower degree. Another thing I didn’t understand was about divine light and divine warmth given to a man and a woman through divine wisdom or divine love. I don’t understand what is meant by light.
Oral 3 Topic: Doctrine of the Wife for Husbands: A Spiritual Practice for achieving Unity by Leon James www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy/instructor/gloss/wife.html
This oral presentation was given April 6, 2004. One idea that I agreed with comes from the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg on conjugal love and the doctrine of the wife. A person’s strongest desire is to be united in conjugal love in a marriage relationship. However, most people especially men, are resistant to this type of love. I agree because we search through our lives to find a partner that we can spend our entire lives with. However, men are scared to be with only one woman for the rest of their lives. My second idea distinguishes between natural love and spiritual love (conjugal love). Natural love is external and external marriage is masculinized. Spiritual love is internal and living the doctrine of the wife feminizes internal marriage. This is because the woman is relationship oriented. My last idea says that feminizing the marriage takes place in the minds of the husbands. I agree because it is said that for conjugal love to happen, a husband must voluntarily put his wife’s judgment above his own.
There were two ideas that I didn’t understand. The first said that most people are resistant to conjugal love due to the evil tendencies that we have inherited from our parents. I didn’t understand this statement because I thought that what we were born with came from what God gave us for example; wisdom, will, intelligence, love etc. The second idea I didn’t understand came from the same topic. This idea said that evils can only be broken down by a person being born anew by the Lord’s help, a process called regeneration. I think that this article should have explained what regeneration meant more in depth.
4. My proposal for AUV Ratings on TV (Anti-Unity Values)
4A. What are AUV Ratings?
AUV Ratings is a way to measure the amount of anti-unity values that are seen in everyday life. For this report we had to watch television shows or movies and observe and take notes on the events, words or attitudes that are viewed as contrary to the formation of unity between partners. In other words, rating how much or how little a couple is going against the unity model.
4B. What Procedures I Followed
To prepare myself, I used the sample list that Dr James made up while he watched some episodes of the Soap, One Life to Live. I read each example of anti-unity values and then looked for some of those examples while watching the television shows I chose. The television shows I chose to watch were; Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, and the Simpson’s. I then watched several episodes of each and went down the list to see which and how many anti-unity values I saw in each show. Lastly I rated the amount of anti-unity values using the AUV scale.
4C. The Data I Gathered
The data I gathered from each television show came from the different events and attitudes I observed in each episode. The data also came from using the AUV list as a guide. I was surprised to see so many anti-unity values displayed in the television shows. However, some of my data came from the show itself and not particularly from a certain couple.
4D. The AUV Scale
The AUV scale I used ranged from 1-5. One was the lowest amount of anti-unity for that value and five was the highest level of anti-unity for the value observed. If the show has more one’s and two’s that means that the couple or show is close to reaching unity More four’s or five’s means that the couple or show is far from reaching unity. Three’s are an average level.
4E. Testing Out the AUV Scale
After rating each AUV from each show I added up all the numbers to see which show had the most and the least AUV. My results showed that The Simpson’s were the least unified by 92%, Everybody Loves Raymond was next with 76% and Friends had 73% of anti-unity values. My results are further explained after my examples from each show.
Television Show #1: Friends
Living together unmarried:
When watching the show Friends I noticed that most of the anti-unity values came from observing Ross and Rachel. They are a couple in the show that has an on going off again on again relationship. The show is now in its final season and the couple is currently not dating. However, the two are living together unmarried. This is an example of an AUV because living together comes from the result of getting married and wanting to live with one person for the rest of your life. Also, in the last episode I watched, Rachel had decided to move away to Europe. This shows that she is not willing to make the relationship work between the two. Rating- 4
Having Children out of wedlock:
Ross and Rachel recently had a daughter together. This is an AUV because they are raising a child together, but they are not married. Also, they are living together for the time being, but Rachel is considering moving away to another country. This goes against the first level of unity in the unity model, the sensory-motor because this level involves what the couples do together and enjoy together. If they are raising a child, it doesn’t make sense that one partner moves away because then they cannot enjoy the ability to raise the child together and to become parents. Rating- 4
Accepting the idea that it’s OK to “agree to disagree” about something’s:
I noticed this also in the last episode when Rachel was planning to leave for Europe. The reason that Rachel is planning to move to Europe is because she was fired from her last job and a new job has offered her a raise if she moves. Through out the course of the episode Ross kept bribing Rachel’s old boss to take her back and give her a raise without her knowing. Finally Rachel accepted the offer to stay in New York, but Ross noticed that she seemed upset and unhappy. Ross then felt bad that he had taken something from her that would have made her happy. I viewed this as an AUV because he never even brought up his feelings about her moving. Something so serious should be discussed between the couple. They need to discuss their opinions so that they can resolve or come to a conclusion about their disagreement. This closure provides acceptance of permanent separation between attitudes. This prevents complete unity because they are now separated in that area. Rating- 5
Promiscuity and bi-sexuality:
This AUV arises from one of Ross’s previous relationships. Although he is not bi-sexual, he had a wife that left him for another woman. And in his marriage, he and his wife had a son. I consider this an AUV because he has another child that he as an obligation to and that will be in his life forever, and this child was not made from the love of Ross and Rachel. Also, the child will be placed above hers and his own. Rating- 5
Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners:
This is the same as girls only or boys’ only entertainment. An example of this would be how the guys go to hockey games together excluding the girls however; this does not happen a lot. This also goes against the first level of the unity model because this is when the couple likes to do things together like watching movies, eating out, talking, and going to events and so on. Rating- 2
Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one’s partner but should accept them with their faults, etc:
An example of this would be between Monica and Chandler’s relationship. Chandler accepts Monica with what others in the group of friends consider a problem. Monica has an obsession to clean and also hates to lose at things and can at times become violent when she is loosing. However, he knows that she has been like that all her life and therefore he accepts her and marries her how she is. If Monica’s problem bothered Chandler enough, this would be an AUV because a couple cannot achieve unity if the partners cannot influence one another to change for one another for their wants or needs. Both partners should be motivate and willing to change for the other to make them happy. Rating- 2
Television show #2: Every Body Loves Raymond
Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners:
While watching the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, I focused on two couples. One couple was of course Raymond and his wife Deborah and the other couple was Raymond’s parents. I watch this show every so often and I have noticed that Raymond spends a lot of time with other friends; however I have yet to see even one of Deborah’s friends. Their was one show in particular when Deborah was upset and she told Ray that he spends too much time golfing with his friends. I have also noticed that he watches a lot of games on TV with his guy friends. These actions do not follow the unity model because partners that have reached perfect unity insist on exclusivity so that neither may carry on close friendships with others. Rating- 4
Separate interests and activities accepted for partners:
In the same episode that Deborah gets mad at Ray for golfing so much, she also gives in and accepts it. At first she got mad because he had been spending most of his free time golfing and also because golfing is so expensive. After he makes up an excuse she lets him go on a golf trip because it makes him happy and she in return is pleased because he is happy. However, the time Ray spends with his friends is contrary to the unity model because in the unity model, partners do not allow each other privacy or separate activities that the other is not involved in. In regards to the unity model, the couple always wants to be together because they make each other happy. Rating- 4
Manipulating partner through deception:
Again, in the same episode Raymond lies and deceives Deborah to get his way. He knew that she did not want him golfing as much, so he made a plan to make her feel sorry for him. He told her that his friend had organized a free golf trip. To make her feel bad and guilty, he said that he wasn’t going to go because he knew that it would make her upset. She then agreed that he should go if the trip was free, but then he would have to take some time off from golfing. This goes against the unity because when couples disagree they do not negotiate to reach a consensus. Later in the episode Raymond faints after playing hours of golf and the doctors’ prescription was to play more golf to release some stress. After seeing the doctors’ note, Deborah agrees to it and Ray is content even though he knows his wife is unhappy. Here they aren’t working towards the unity model because the man is not cooperating with the woman’s attempt to change him. If they were unified he would give in to her request of not playing golf and he would be happy and content to be with only her. Rating- 4
Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one’s partner but one should accept them with their faults:
This AUV is displayed by both of the women in the show towards their husbands. The women complain a lot about the men not doing anything around the house, yet neither of them do anything about it They instead complain and at the same time accept their husbands’ faults of being lazy. This is contrary to the unity model because in a unified gender relationship the partners are not tolerant of the others faults and they do not try to live with their partners’ faults. Instead they try to change them to make them better people. In unity, both the man and the woman are willing to change for the other for the better of the relationship. Rating- 3
Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (ex. serving men, being dominant, etc.):
Ray’s father best portrays this AUV towards is wife. Ray’s father is constantly making comments to his wife that makes him look more dominant. He is very direct with what he says and he is very demanding of her. An example of this is when he says thing like, “ I’m hungry, make me a sandwich”. Other ways that this AUV is portrayed in the show is how the women cook and clean and no help is expected or demanded from the men. This goes against the unity model because the couples are tolerating status differences between a man and a woman. For example, Ray works and brings home money therefore his status is higher because Deborah doesn’t work. Instead she stays home to take care of the household. Ray might think that since he works, he doesn’t have to help around the house because that’s Deborah’s job. Rating- 4
When watching the cartoon show, The Simpson’s, I observed most of the characters, but focused mainly on Homer. This fist AUV has nothing to do with Homer, it was just something I observed from the show. The cartoon has a character named Smithers’, which is homosexual. This character is always thinking or daydreaming of his boss Mr. Burns. This AUV definitely goes against the unity model because the model says that unity “conjugal love” comes from two principles. The first principle is differentiation. Differentiation says that no part of a woman is like any part of the man and vise versa. The second principle is reciprocity, which states that the perfection of unity increases with the diversity of its composing elements. It is their diversity that makes them work together, reciprocally. They would not work together as a unit or as one if there was no differentiation and reciprocity between them. Rating- 5
Boy’s only entertainment
This AUV of going out as a group and having fun without their partner is displayed through both Homer and his son Bart. Homer spends a lot of time away from home and separated from his wife. He goes to work while she stays home and takes care of the household chores. Aside from that, he spends time with his male friends at the bar and at the bowling alley. Bart also has this attitude of boy’s only entertainment and it is shown with his tree house. He never lets his sister come up to the tree house to play or for the meetings because he says its boy’s only. Homer is not showing feelings of unity because in the unity model, partners can’t stand being separated even for a few hours, and they tend to get very anxious. Rating- 4
Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
I have seen this AUV displayed by both, Marge and Homer. I have seen episodes when both have wanted to be in a certain activity that excluded the other partner. Both situations led to an argument or disagreement, yet they compromised or accepted the others wish. One example in the show was when Marge wanted to be in the town play. Homer didn’t want her to be in the play because she would be away from house a lot and he didn’t want to be left with all the responsibilities. After he realized that being in the play meant a lot to her, he gave in to her wish. Marge also lets Homer do a lot of activities that do not include her. For example he goes to the bar, and he bowls with his guy friends. This goes against the unity model because they have negotiated with something the other partner does not agree with. Their thoughts and ideas on activities are different and done separate. They have allowed for distance and privacy in their activities. They should want to do things together and have fun in the same activities. Rating- 4
Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one’s partner but should accept them with their faults:
This is shown through Marge’s loving Homer with all of his faults. This is proven in the show because at times, Homer has recognized his faults and has apologized to Marge. Marge, in return tells him that she loves him no matter what. Homer is unhealthy and over weight, lazy, not very bright, rude, and can be a slob sometimes. However, Marge never makes it a point or encourages him to exercise or eat healthy. She accepts him how he is and tries nothing to improve him. When a couple is reaching for unity, they must be able to give and receive constructive criticism. Each will want to better themselves for their partner. Partners should have confidence in each other feeling free of any criticism. Rating- 5
Making it look like what women say and think is as less important:
There are a couple of different male characters in the show that behave in this way; Homer, Bart, and Mr. Burns. Homer has done this on several occasions with his daughter Lisa. Lisa is an intelligent little girl and sometimes Homer doesn’t understand her views or statements. At times when Lisa makes a comment, Homer makes her feel inferior by saying something like, “right” in a sarcastic way while patting her on the head. Her reaction is just a dirty or upset look. He also acts this way towards Marge’s sisters whom he dislikes. He will tune them out when they speak and he never agrees with them. This type of attitude would never allow for unity because with regards to the unity model, the man must always cooperate with the women, and give in to the woman’s way of thinking. Rating- 5
After giving my examples I added the results from my ratings and took the average from each show. Friends had 22 points out of 30, giving the show 73%. This means that their anti-unity values are not far from the unity model compared to the other shows. Their anti-unity values can be worked out. Everybody Loves Raymond had a higher percentage of anti-unity values. The show was rated 19 out of 25, which resulted in 76%. They were just a little above the Friends score, meaning that they too are halfway to the unity model. The Simpson’s on the other hand had 23 out of 25 points that I rated as anti-unity. This gave them 92% meaning that they have a high percentage of anti-unity values. The show goes against the most serious points in the unity model. The show or couples in the show are not unified to the extent it is specified in the unity model. They have different ideas and do not interact or behave how a perfect unified couple would behave.
This assignment has showed me that we do live in a masculine society and that our cultural attitudes display that it is okay to accept this role of dominance and superiority. This new awareness is useful to me because I will be more alert and aware if someone ever tries to treat me in this manner. In the beginning of the semester I never really cared to notice any social or cultural attitudes about men and women, but now I see the hidden messages that our society gives through the media. We don’t see the big picture because we see these things everyday in real life and we as a society have accepted them as part of our culture and our way of thinking. It’s hard to predict how gender unity will be portrayed in the future because many people find sarcasm funny, especially when they believe it to be true. However, people are fighting for their rights and are voicing their opinions everyday. Maybe women will speak out and put an end to stereotyping and social trends in thinking.
6. Future Generations
I want to wish the best of luck to all the future generations that will continue on this topic of gender and discourse. I hope that you can gain from this topic and maybe even better your future relationships. Be ready to voice your opinion in class discussions, yet keep an open mind. Remember that this information comes from old writings. Some advice to remember for this course is to save everything as you write your papers and save on to multiple disks. Also, make sure you learn how to download your papers on the web. It seems overwhelming at first, but don’t stress out. Just follow directions, do the assignments and you’ll be fine. Good luck to all.