My Proposal for TV Ratings on Anti-Unity Values (AUV)
By: Suzanne Howard
Instructions for this report may be found at: http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/leonj/leonpsy20/g20lecturenotes409b.htm
My previous report, Report 2, is entitled Mapping the Threefold Self in Gender Relationships. This was a very personal report in which I have described a past gender relationship. I have cited specific examples from a journal that I had kept at the time. For each example, I have discussed the sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective elements of each event. Then I discuss the general areas of our relationship in regards to the aspects of the three-fold self (mentioned above). My observations have helped me to better understand that relationship and other gender relationships in general. After doing my observations I have concluded that out of the three types of gender relationships – dominance, equity, and unity – my relationship most closely resembled the equity model. I think that it was important for me to examine this relationship in order to have a greater understanding on what I may need to change in my future gender relationships.
The main purpose of this report, Report 3, is to become more aware about what is displayed in the media in an indirect way. First of all, I discuss the gender unity model as it pertains to myself and to students in the G20 Psy 459 class. In the next section, I discuss my opinions about some of our class oral presentations. For each presentation, I have noted at least two things that I agree on and think are important and at least two things that I disagree on or do not fully understand. In the next sections, I discuss AUV ratings (Anti-Unity Values). I have watched the third season of Sex and the City and have noted specific examples of AUVs. My conclusions and advice to the future generations are at the end of this report.
According to the model of gender relationships, there are three types of relationships: Dominance, Equity, and Unity. In the dominance model a dominant role is assigned to the man and a submissive role to the woman in all areas as defined by society. In the equity model, the man and the woman share equal power and share the responsibilities of decision making. In the unity model the woman has a dominant role. This, however, is different from the dominant role of the man in the dominance model. The wife has dominance in the unity model because the man voluntarily submits to her. He has control over his own actions. At any time he can decide that he no longer wishes to submit to her.
There are different levels of the threefold self involved in each of these models of gender unity. In the dominance model, the sensorimotor self is involved in the relationship. At this level, the couple is inclined to do things together, such as going out to eat and to the movies. This is the most external form of unity. In the equity model, the cognitive self is involved in the relationship. In this stage of the relationship, the couple is united in the way they think. They have the same opinions about different issues, but they do not agree on everything. Because the couple’s cognitions are united, they are in an internal state. In the unity model, the affective self is involved in the relationship. The couple has the same feelings and motivations about everything. In this stage in the relationship, the couple does not disagree on anything. This is the inmost stage in which the couple is completely united.
LEVEL OF UNITY
NAME OF MODEL
After completing Report 1, “Chris M” felt that there were many more differences between men and women. She understands that in order to achieve a unity relationship, one must have these differences. She thinks that the unity model may have an affect on the way society views gender roles and stereotypes.
Combs felt that she could better understand her own gender relationship with her husband after completing her report. Although she was uncertain about her beliefs about the afterlife and about Swedenborg in general, she felt that the spreading of the concept of gender unity would benefit both men and women in our society.
3. Class Oral Presentations and Lecture Discussions
The Surrendered Wife vs. the Surrendered Husband by: Leon James
The statement, “Not a single think in a woman can be like a thing in a man, and vice versa,” comes from the Doctrine of the Wife by Leon James. We have discussed this issue before in class, but I still do not understand it. I think that there are many differences between men and women, from the way we talk to the way we think. However, I do not think that everything about men and women are different. I can think of many similarities. For example, I know many men who would do anything for the women they love and also many women who would do anything for the men they love. There are other similarities. I know men and women who like the same books, sports, and movies. Therefore, I do no think that absolutely everything is different for men and women.
“Unity is the conjoint operation of two things together so that the result is a new conjoint object that is superior to the composing parts. When they unite, their unity will be more perfect.” This concept makes sense to me. According to the Doctrine of the Wife, men and women are incomplete as individuals. They need a spouse to be complete. This is because of the concept that men and women are inherently different. When these two different and opposite individuals come together in a unity relationship, they complete each other. This is not a new concept for me. I have heard many people describe their partners as their other halves. They feel complete when they are with their spouses.
Lau writes that: “Women are intelligent and wise from within; from heaven, from the Lord. They will not do anything that is contrary to conjugial love.” I strongly disagree with this statement. This is the concept that gives me the most trouble when learning about the Doctrine of the Wife. The Doctrine says that it is only the man who needs to work on himself and prepare himself for a conjugial love relationship. It says that the woman does not have to try because she naturally is ready and capable of this type of relationship. I do not believe this. I think that there are many things that women have to work on in our relationships. Everything does not just come naturally for us. In regards to the statement that we will not do anything that is contrary to conjugial, this is completely wrong. Many women cheat on their husbands, lie to them, and treat them with indecency. This is obviously against conjugial love and contrary to the above statement.
The statement, “Only through religion can the
“The Lord has now revealed the scientific fact that a man by himself is an incomplete creation and is still to develop maturity. The mature man is created into perfection when he is no longer an individual man, but a structural or organic part of his wife, so that the two together are one angel.” This statement is talking about the fact that a woman and a man are not complete human beings as individuals. The ideal and perfect human being is the conjunction between man and women conjoined by perfect love. When the couple leaves this earth, they will live together in heaven. They are seen as one complete individual and therefore called one angel. I think it is important to strive for conjugial love in our relationships in the physical world in order that we can be with our spouses in the spiritual world for eternity.
Rage-Depression Survey Results--Gender by Leon James and Diane Nahl
This reference reviews results regarding the issues of rage and depression and the gender differences between these topics. The first question asked, “How much do you feel other people’s anger daily on a scale of 1-10?” The mean for the males was 4.79, and for females it was 4.91. Kitamura says that these results are significant, but small. This means that even though they are meaningful, there is a lot of overlap between the answers of the men and women. I am also confused about what exactly this question means. I think that the participants may also have been confused about what exactly it means. The results show that women tend to feel other’s anger more. Even though this may be true, it is also true that both genders “feel other people’s anger.” I think that it would be hard not to realize that someone is angry. In conclusion, even though there is a difference between the genders on this issue, the difference is small. There is much overlap on this issue.
Kitamura brings up an interesting point about the question of “feeling people’s rage.” She said that these results, even though “valid in an individualism culture…might be different in a collectivism culture because of inhibition of emotion.” It does not mention in her presentation where this study was done. I think that it would be interesting to find out and then do a cross-cultural comparative study between an individualistic culture and a collectivist culture. I agree with Kitamura that the results may differ because of inhibition of emotion. I think it would be very difficult to “feel someone’s rage” if they are not showing it and inhibiting their emotions.
I have many issues regarding the survey the survey question: “How often do you feel rage?” The results say that men feel rage 37% of the time and women feel rage 29% of the time. Is this an average? If it is an average, what is it an average for: this week? Last month? Lifetime average? I think that it is important to specify during what time period this survey was conducted. The only thing that seems like it would make sense to me would be to use the results from the most recent past. If you think about your emotions from a time period too long ago, you could forget what you were feeling. Also, this presentation does not specify how the data was collected. Did the participants have to write down every time they felt rage? Because rage is such a strong negative emotion, I find it hard to believe that anyone would feel rage, on average, on an hourly basis. Yet small proportions of the sample did. Also, a much larger percentage of the sample reported that they felt rage on a daily basis. This result also seems strange to me. I think that it is important to know how the data was collected before the result can be interpreted accurately.
Regarding the question, “How often do you feel compassion for someone?” females felt compassion 77% of the time, whereas men felt compassion 61% of the time. I have the same questions about the data collection as the above paragraph. However, I wanted to discuss the conclusions that Kitamura has come up with from the results. The results have shown that “women tend to feel compassion for other people.” She says that according to the unity model of gender relationships, “Women try to understand and care about their partner’s feelings.” I think this statement confirms what I have experienced in my daily life. In general, I have witnessed that women are both more conscious of other’s feelings and also more compassionate. They want to help other’s who are in need. Kitamura adds that, “Women are considered to feel more compassionate in collectivism cultures.” I think that it is interesting that women may be more compassionate across cultures.
Feminine Wisdom by Erik Sandstrvm Sr. and Comment by Linda Simonetti Odhner
Hostetler’s presentation says that: “Masculine wisdom and feminine wisdom are equal, and that they are at the same time by creation forever different.” I think this statement means that masculine and feminine wisdom are equal in the fact that one is not more powerful or better than the other. Also, even though they are equal in this respect, they are different in other ways. For example: “A woman is will-oriented; a man is intellect-oriented.” Obviously, this shows that they are different.
“Inherent wisdom does not exist, but is given to each by god through his word and teachings of the truth.” This statement means that we do not have wisdom from ourselves, but rather we have wisdom from God. This statement says that we receive this wisdom from God through “his word and teachings of the truth.” I am not exactly sure what this means. Does this mean that we can only receive wisdom from God if we read the Bible and/or the Writings of Swedenborg? I thought that we received this gift from God when we are born. I think it is important to understand when, from whom, and how we receive wisdom. I think that this concept should be described more thoroughly.
The following concept comes directly
from the Writings. “A male is born
intellect-orientated, with an affection for knowing,
understanding, and becoming wise. A
female is born will-orientated, with love for joining herself to that affection
in the male.” Men and women receive
different gifts from God, and that is why we are inherently different. Because we are inherently different,
“masculinity cannot be converted into femininity, and vice versa.” These gifts are different but are also
reciprocal; they complement each other. Because
men and women have these different but reciprocal gifts from God, they are able
to form a conjugial love union.
In this presentation, Hostetler notes that Sandstrvm says that “Prejudices arise from the complexities of modern living.” He says that “equity leads to accidental childbirths, unloved and insecure children, and single parent families.” I do not understand this quote. Is he talking about equity as in gender relationships? If he is, then I do not think that this statement is true. It does not make sense that equity in gender relationships would lead to the above events any more than the dominant or unity model of gender relationships. Also, what is wrong with single parent families? I know from personal experience that many are more efficient and loving than families in which both parents live together. I do not understand what Sandstrvm is saying.
4. My Proposal for AUV Ratings on TV (Anti-Unity Values)
4A. What are AUV Ratings?
I think that it is important to learn about what unity is before you can learn about anti-unity values. Now that you have a pretty good idea about what a unity relationship is like (see Introduction), I will tell you about what a unity relationship is not like. Anti-unity values are values that do not promote unity in a gender relationship. Anti-unity values may belong to either the dominance or equity model of relationships. I also think that some AUV’s do not belong to either the dominance or equity models. I believe that some anti-unity values occur even out of relationships, in single life. Some of these AUV’s will prevent someone from ever entering into a unity relationship if they continue to value some of these traits. I will discuss this further in other sections of this report.
The following list are examples of AUV ratings, compiled by Dr. James after watching some episodes of the Soap called One Life to Live on the Soap Net during the month of December 2003.
1. Living together unmarried
2. Having children out of wedlock
3. Making each other jealous on purpose
4. Adultery for various reasons
5. Promiscuity and bi-sexuality
6. Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner
7. Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
8. Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things
9. Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners
10. Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)
11. Separate interests and activities accepted for partners
12. Manipulating partner through deception
13. Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things
14. Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.
15. Girls only or boys only entertainment
16. Acceptance of the idea that men are more important
17. Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women
18. Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender
19. Making it look normal for a man to exploit women
20. Making it look normal for a man to abuse women
21. Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)
22. Making it look like what women say and think as less important
23. Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)
4B. What Procedures I Followed
First, I watched the third season of Sex and the City. Sex and the City was a television show
on HBO that aired for six seasons. The
series finale just recently aired. The
stars of the show, Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie), Cynthia Nixon (Miranda),
Kristin Davis (
During each episode I have taken notes about what I feel were anti-unity values. Some were not as clear cut, while others were quite obviously AUVs. Some AUVs occurred while the character was in a relationship, and others occurred when the character was single. I have listed the AUV and the examples that I have witnessed throughout the season.
4C. The Data I Gathered
1. Going to a strip club
All of the women decide that they are going to attend a male strip club because Carrie is going to be a judge there. Three of the women are single, but Miranda is dating someone. I think this is an AUV for both the single and the attached women. First of all, I think that the men are disrespecting themselves by stripping and the women are also disrespecting the men by attending. Objectifying men in this way may make the women have less respect for them. The women may assume the attitude that it is okay to turn men into objects of sexual gratification. I think that it is especially harmful for an attached woman to go to a strip club because it will hurt the man she is dating. Either she will lie to him and not tell him that she is going to a strip club and hurt their relationship by lying, or she will tell him the truth and he will be hurt even though he may say that it does not hurt him. He might feel jealous and may think, “Why does she want to look at other men taking their clothes off? Am I not good enough for her?” It is definitely an AUV to know that going to a strip club will hurt your boyfriend, but you go anyway.
2. Having sex with someone that you are not married to
This was a reoccurring theme throughout the show. During the third season alone, all of the four women have had sex with at least one man to whom they were not married to. Samantha had sex with so many different men that I lost count. I will give an example of one of her one-night-stands. She met a firefighter stripper at the strip club that they attended. She had always had a fantasy of having sex with a fireman. The same night that they met each other, they had sex together. She saw him again once or twice after that, but they never even had a relationship. Samantha did not want to have a relationship – she just wanted to have sex. Again the mentality that men are only sex objects is definitely an anti-unity value. Even though Samantha was not married, if she continues to use men only for sex, she will never have a fulfilling relationship.
3. Thinking you need a guy to save you
4. Dating more than one person at a time
Miranda is dating a man that she likes a lot. However, she does not want to be in an exclusive relationship with him, even though he is the only person that she is dating. Her friends think that this is because she is afraid to get hurt. I do not think that it is a bad thing to be afraid of getting hurt when getting into a relationship; this is a natural feeling. However, I do not think that it is okay to date more than one person at a time just because you are afraid of getting hurt. I think that there is no way to have a healthy relationship, let alone a unity relationship, when you are dating more than one person at a time. You cannot put all of your effort into a relationship if you have to divide it among numerous relationships.
5. Paying for sex
A woman told Samantha that she was getting oral sex from her massage therapist. Samantha decided that she wanted to do this also. She was upset that she was not propositioned for sex. She accidentally ended up getting the massage therapist fired. Then, she went to a party and there were other women there who were upset with her because they were also paying for sex from the same massage therapist. Even though Samantha was single, it is still wrong to pay for sex. If you pay for sex, it gives the impression that sex is the only thing you need from a man. This is a dangerous attitude to have, because if you think this way, you will also think that a relationship is not important.
6. Bisexuality and homosexuality
Carrie founds out that the guy that she is dating is bisexual. She goes to a party with him where many of the people there are bisexual and homosexual. They play spin the bottle, and Carrie has to kiss a girl. Before spin the bottle, she was trying to be very accepting of her boyfriend’s sexual orientation. After her experience of kissing a girl, Carrie leaves the party without saying goodbye. She tells her friends that she is too old to be so open-minded about sexuality. Bisexuality and homosexuality are obvious AUVs because a unity relationship must occur between a man and a woman. Only a man and a woman have the different but reciprocal parts needed to form a unity relationship. A homosexual couple at the party had a child together. This is an AUV because children are supposed to come from a man and a woman. Another AUV that comes from this scene is when Carrie kisses another person in front of the guy that she is dating. This is rude and disrespectful.
7. Leaving their boyfriends without saying goodbye
Throughout the season, there were many occasions in which the women just left the men that they were dating without even saying goodbye. For example, after having sex with him, Samantha leaves the fireman and does not talk to him again. Also, Carrie leaves the party after kissing the girl and never calls her date again. I think that it is very hurtful to leave someone without telling them why or even saying goodbye. Even if the women do not want to pursue relationships with these men, they should at least let the men know why. I think that they are being very inconsiderate when they do not even care if they hurt the man. This AUV will lead you away from a unity relationship because you must always take into consideration the feelings of your partner.
8. Wearing revealing clothing in public
I think that even though fashion has changed throughout the years and it is now much more acceptable to wear revealing clothing, it would still be considered an AUV. Even if one does not intend to attract attention from the opposite sex, it is bound to happen if one wears revealing clothing. Women know that men will look at them if they wear a low cut shirt or a short skirt. In Sex and the City, Carrie does this even though she has a boyfriend. She wears a mesh shirt so that you can clearly see through it to her bra. I do not think this is appropriate for any woman – whether she is single or not – but I think that it is especially inappropriate for someone who is in a relationship. Her boyfriend might notice other men looking at his girlfriend and become jealous. It is an AUV to wear revealing clothing knowing that it will make your boyfriend/husband jealous.
9. Living with someone whom you are not married to
In this season, both Carrie and Miranda are living with their boyfriends whom they are not married to. This is an AUV because sex before marriage is against the unity model of relationships. I think that if you are not ready to commit to marriage then you are not ready to commit to giving yourself to your partner through sexual intercourse. These couples did not want to get married, but felt that they were ready to have sex with each other.
10. Putting work before your relationship
Miranda is a lawyer and is very busy with her work. It seems like she never has time for her boyfriend. Even if he asks her to spend time with him, she replies that she cannot because she needs to work. According to the unity model of gender relationships, your significant other must come before everything else in your life. This includes work, friends, and even your children. In order to sustain a unity relationship, your spouse must come first. This is why Miranda choosing work over her boyfriend is an AUV.
11. Going out with friends without your significant other
Carries says that the best thing about having a good relationship is that you can leave it for a night. She then leaves her boyfriend and hangs out with her girl friends for the night. According the unity model, it is not okay to go out with your friends without your boyfriend/husband. I do not understand why this is an AUV, but it is according to the unity model.
12. Prenuptial agreements
13. Having an affair with a married man
Carrie is in a serious relationship with a very good man. Her ex-boyfriend, who is now married, tells her that he misses her and wants her back. They end up having an affair together. They met many times to have sex with each other. Carrie is confused about everything and does not know what to do. Eventually the man’s wife finds out about the affair. Affairs are wrong for so many reasons. You obviously cannot have a unity relationship with someone who is cheating on you. If they tell you that they are cheating on you, you will feel hurt and betrayed. It will also be extremely difficult for you to trust your partner ever again. This is so detrimental because trust is such an important part of a relationship. On the other hand, if you do not tell your partner that you have cheated on them, you will probably feel so guilt-ridden that it will be very difficult to continue the relationship. Affairs can kill a relationship that may have had potential to work at the unity level.
4D. The AUV Scale
This scale describes the intensity of each of the above AUVs. I have rated each of the AUVs on a 5-point scale. An AUV with a rating of 5 is strongly anti-unity. An AUV with a rating of 1 is not as strongly anti-unity. Here is a list of the ratings of each of the above AUVs that I have witnessed from Sex and the City.
1 – Not harmful to a unity relationship
2 – Somewhat harmful to a unity relationship
3 – Harmful to a unity relationship
4 – Very harmful to a unity relationship
5 – Will destroy a current relationship or prevent one from happening
1. Going to a strip club (2)
2. Having sex with someone that you are not married to (3)
3. Thinking you need a guy to save you (2)
4. Dating more than one person at a time (4)
5. Paying for sex (5)
6. Bisexuality and homosexuality (5)
7. Leaving their boyfriends without saying goodbye (2)
8. Wearing revealing clothing in public (2)
9. Living with someone whom you are not married to (3)
10. Putting work before your relationship (3)
11. Going out with friends without your significant other (1)
12. Prenuptial agreements (4)
13. Having an affair with a married man (5)
4E. Testing Out the AUV Scale
First I watched the first few shows of the season. I took notes about various examples of AUVs. Then I rated the first few AUVs on a scale of 1-5, with 1 being the least harmful to a unity relationship and 5 being the most harmful to a unity relationship. Then I continued to watch the rest of the shows of the third season. My initial AUV ratings changed because of my new data (more episodes). After watching all of the episodes I created a scale with the definitions of AUVS from each value (1-5) as shown above. Now I could give objective scores to each of the AUVs. I think that this scale and the examples from Sex and the City can be helpful to identify AUVs in other television shows or movies. To make this scale more accurate and easier to use, I would watch other types of shows and use the same rating scale. I would also include more examples of AUVs from different TV shows or movies.
This assignment has helped me to become more aware of what our society finds socially acceptable. Some of the above AUVs are not accepted by mainstream society, but are at least accepted by many subculture groups. For example, although society as a whole has not embraced homosexuality or bisexuality, there are many people who are very tolerant of these sexual practices. Another example would be that although many people in society feel that it is unacceptable to wear revealing clothing in public, there are many people, and especially young people, who find no problems with this behavior.
I think that the media is used to bring new ideas into our mentality. Some of these ideas can be very useful, such as self-help shows like Dr. Phil or Oprah. Other shows can be corruptive, such as Will and Grace, The Sopranos, and Sex and the City. These shows make people feel that AUVs, such as sex outside of marriage, are commonplace and acceptable. Now that I have done this report, I feel that I have a greater awareness of all of the negative aspects of the media. The media can have a negative influence on someone if they are not aware of what they are watching. I feel that now that I am more aware of the AUVs portrayed in the media, I can protect myself from their negative influences.
The media has changed greatly over the past few years. Now it is commonplace to her profanity and vulgar language on a regular basis on television. Even on primetime or “family hour” sexual acts are common. I used to not think too much about the media and its influence on society. After doing this report, I now realize how prevalent negative values are on television. Although I have not researched the effects of the AUVs on television, now I am much more aware of the potential of its harmful effects. I think that all television viewers, and especially the parents of young children, should be aware of the values that are portrayed as commonplace and acceptable. We must make sure that even if these values are shown to be acceptable in the media, that they are not to be embraced by our society in “real life”.
I feel that the model of an ideal relationship is especially at risk for being distorted by the media. Television and movie relationships continue to decline more and more throughout the years. Already it is acceptable for homosexual couples to engage in sexual acts. It is also okay to have sexual relations with many partners outside of a marriage relationship. I believe that the unity model of gender relationships will continue to be further and further from the relationships that are portrayed in the media. Even now, I cannot think of any relationships on TV that resemble the unity model. If we, as a society, continue to tune into the media, we need to remember to hold on to our own values and not to become disenfranchised by what we see on TV.
6. Future Generations
There is a lot of reading and writing throughout this course. Read the course materials a little at a time, and if you do not understand the information make sure to discuss it with Dr. James during or after class. He is very helpful in answering any questions that you may have. Be prepared to learn material that may be completely new and even shocking to you. My main advice to you, as it has been since my first report, KEEP A POSITIVE BIAS! This means do not dismiss what you are being taught right off the bat. If you have a positive bias and remember that everything that you are being taught could be true, you will be able to objectively reason with the new evidence that you are presented with.