REPORT 3

HBO’s Sex and the City

REPORT 3
My proposal for TV ratings on Anti-Unity Values (AUV) in Gender Behavior

By: Ruby Engelbrecht

Instructions for Report 3

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1.Preface

For Leon James 409b psychology class on gender relationships (University of Hawai‘i at Mānoa) we were asked to write three major reports. I chose to watch and evaluate the Anti Unity Values (AUV) in HBO’s Sex and the City television series for my third report. The purpose of report three is to broaden our perspectives. We were looking at individual cases of relationships and how they affect our own lives. In report three we are going to look at the impact the mass media and Mass TV entertainment programs have on society. What does television say about where are society has been and will be going in the future? What does TV programming say about our social morals and values? These are some questions to keep in mind while reviewing the material I will be presenting on (AUV) and television. I chose to write about the HBO series Sex and the City. Frankly, I chose Sex and the City because it is expresses "modern societies" views about gender relationship (sexual and non-sexual) and self-concept of gender in society today. Because we all know that the lines are a lot easier to cross these days. Sex and the City also has obvious and strong commentary and implications regarding feminism and the fight for social equality of women. I also wanted to mention that for this last report I am focusing on what I have come to realize about gender and gender relations. Someone once said, "The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes". I believe that to be true in gender relations. Giving gender relationship a little fluidity may just be what we need to stop fighting!

Mapping the Three-fold self in gender relationships was assigned for report 2). You can access my report online at Report 2 . In report to I evaluated my relationship with my fiancé using models we discussed in class such as the three-fold self and Emanuel Swedenborg’s unity model. Our relationship turned out to be a lot less then perfect. We have a lot to work on in order to reach a level of unity discussed in Leon James’s Class and Emanuel Swedenborgs writings. I believe a relationship between two individuals that is in total unity is one of the most beautiful experiences a couple can have. I can only imagine what that may be like. I imagine that it must be like the moments that you are in perfect unison with your partner but 24 hours a day 7 days a week. That has some powerful implications. This would be a physical, mental, and spiritual invigoration!! Every day! You would feel complete, cared for, understood needed, and desired! If people understood the reward of such a relationship, people would strive for it. Also I believe reaching that level of perfection with a partner, you would also be perfecting your self along the way.

2. Introduction

What is gender Unity and why do we want to have it? Gender Unity in a relationship could be looked at as the ultimate goal of the relationship and perhaps perfect understanding. According to the class models gender Unity is created by working with various aspects of the self and aligning them in a way with a man or woman to create a perfect unity. It does imply work and self-evaluation. Gender Unity is not achieved by passivity and/or it cannot be forced! It takes effort and dedication. What is the three fold self? The three fold self is the levels at witch we communicate with others such as touch (sensorimotor), understanding (cognitive), unity (affective). Dr. Leon James reminds us that our three fold self develops as a direct result of Biology, culture and socialization Leon James's Lecture notes.

We develop attitudes of the opposites sex and ourselves through stereotypes and sexism. I believe We must overcome this barrier of misunderstanding. According to the class model of gender unity the majority of relationship interactions are on unity level one or, Dominance and sensorimotor level. The model considers unity level 3 to be the perfect union of souls in a relationship. According to this model perfection in a gender relationship is found through differentiation and reciprocity of behavior in both individuals three fold self.

Chart of the Three Models in Gender Relations

LEVEL OF UNITY	NAME OF MODEL	THREEFOLD SELF INVOLVED IN THE RELATIONSHIP
3	UNITY	AFFECTIVE (inmost)
2	EQUITY	COGNITIVE (internal)
1	DOMINANCE	SENSORIMOTOR (external)

In modern times women and men alike value power, competency, efficiency and achievement. Women and men are both motivated by feelings of need and by feelings of love. Men and women both are both seekers of solutions but not always by the same means. Men and Woman are hard and soft in different ways. I believe that these qualities can be adopted by anyone regardless of sex. I feel if we do not realize there are some parallels between male and female, we will never reach an understanding. Men and Woman are hard and soft in different ways. My model representing individual variance can express this idea.

My design: expressing individual variance

Individual 1 Individual 2

Intuition Intuitive Logic

Logical

Wise

Wisdom Rational Reason

3 Class Oral Presentations and Lecture Discussions

I really enjoyed the Oral presentations presented by students in our Psychology 409B class. I think this is a good way to get everyone in the class really involved in and thinking about topics of gender unity. I chose three of the class oral presentation to discuss.

Susanne Howard, April 6, 2004 (reference 11 – Doctrine of the Wife For Husbands – by Leon James)
The writings of Emanuel Swedenborg can be easily misunderstood by one who is not seeking unity. The writings, in theory, are supposed to bring men and women closer to unity. However, I think they the writings can easily be interpreted as sexist. It could justify sexism to an ignorant mind. Howard makes some good points. Howard says we need to be careful and understand the difference between the literal writings and the interpretation and conclusions drawn from the writings. Howard says that the writings should not be interpreted to indicate that men should seek to dominate over women in any area. I feel this is an important assertion to make when approaching material such as swedenborg’s writings.

Secondly, I also agree with Howard when she reminds us that when a husband is seeking unity with his wife he will voluntarily submit to her. If he doesn’t, there is nothing that the woman can do. I suggested earlier that it couldn’t be forced! Lastly, Howard talks about the concept of feminizing a marriage. She is suggesting that an external or sensorimotor relationship is a masculine form of relationship. A unity is a feminine and internal relationship. Therefore the man must submit to her feminine internal relationship strategies in order to conjoin in this unity. I feel that these are good ideas, but are men in today’s society even willing to do this? Women are already naturally working towards unity and men are not as focused on unity. I received an email the other day and it was about the directions that men and women are headed in relationships. It is supposed to be a joke but I feel it does reflect some aspects of non-unity relationships of men and women today.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a

little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to

understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot

more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

B. Christal Martin 2/24/2004 Topic: Chapter 3: Gender Differences in Conversational Coherence, physical alignment, and Topical Cohesion pp. 85-99 By Deborah Tannen

It is commonly believed that yes, there are differences in men and women and their communication styles. Martin discusses the subjects Deborah Tannen analyzes in her book Gender and Discourse. One major finding in male and female differences in conversation styles was there body language. Men do not usually physically align themselves, as do women during a conversation. I felt this was important because it gives us room to evaluate why? Could this lead confusion in Male-female conversations? A woman may read a mans body language as " I am not aligned with you physically therefore I am not trying to align with you mentally." Or vise versa. A man may find it hard to have a conversation about emotional issues while they are aligned with someone because alignment has not been a tool of communication for them in the past.

Another good point that Martin brings up in her oral presentation is Topical Cohesion. She tells us that women talk with a solid focus on one topic for longer then men focus on any topic. Men tend to have less thorough conversation about one topic and then quickly move on to the next subject. Also they have a more difficult time discussing emotional topics. Could this also be a contributing factor to the misunderstandings of men and women? Why do woman want to talk out problems while men want to throw out problems? However these roles can be reversed. I know women who avoid emotional confrontation as well as men who avoid it.

Lastly, Martin suggests there are also cultural and gender-culture differences in conversation based on a variety of factors. Factors such as volume, intonation, choice of words, and sequencing are all differences that create conflict or misunderstanding in conversations. Based on our social, biological and emotional development we react to conditioned cues of conversation. If someone raises their voice with a harsh tone we know they are expressing anger. Some sociologists and psychologists are suggesting that women and me are raised in different "cultures" containing differences in cultural norms. For example, women will sometimes talk over each other as a sign of agreement or enthusiasm. On the other hand, men will more often see talking in unison as an interruption or disagreement. Educating people on these differences is a good start at the solutions of misunderstanding in conversation.

C. Janessa Bixel - Reference 13: Teacher’s Classroom Strategies… By Deborah Tannen

In psychology today it is becoming clear that men and women learn using different mental strategies in some areas. It is also becoming apparent that the infrastructure of university and on the whole educational institutions are gender bias. It is not supprising that education is geared toward the understanding of men because originally women "didn’t belong in any educational institution". Women were once believed to be not sufficiently expert for higher education. We know now that this is a farce. Women have proved the value of their minds more today then ever before in world history. But there is still a bias education system. Have women adapted to the methods of education geared toward men? Or is it still unequal? Women have been forced to adapted to a "Mans world" in order to survive, can men do some adapting too? Bixel explains some discoveries that Deborah Tannen has made through her research.

Bixel mentions that women who go to same sex school do better later in life. Why? One plausible answer would be to consider that maybe in a same sex educational institution teachers adapt to Female mental learning strategies, which would allow them to reach their potential. Bixel also quotes Tannen speaking of equal treatment: "…treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same." Tannens statement has some powerful implications! Not just for Male or Female learning strategies but for cross-cultural learning strategies. There is not one correct way to teach and one correct way to learn! It is much more fluid then that. Lastly Bixel makes an important statement about intentions. People may discriminate without intending too! Many teachers when asked have been offended by the question of whether or not they were discriminatory. Some teachers then realize by watching themselves (on camera) that they do not pay equal treatment to every individual. And in good faith we believe they are not intending to do so. So they must be conscious of there own internal bias.

4.My proposal for AUV Ratings on TV (Anti-Unity Values)

4a. What are AUV ratings?

Anti-unity values are any part of the three-fold self of an individual that is opposing to unity values. Synergy is how parts work together in a whole to create a working unity. AUV’s directionality is opposite of UV’s directionality. Dr. Leon James gives examples of anti-unity (according to our class models) values in the instructions for report 3 Report 3 instructions. Here are some examples of AUV (according to our class models) that we will be looking at when we evaluate Sex and the City. Most often TV shows will promote these AUV in exploiting women, however sex and the City is presenting an extreme feministic view by exploiting men in many of these circumstances listed. In any case they are still AUV according to the models we have discussed in class.

Living together unmarried

Having children out of wedlock

Making each other jealous on purpose

Adultery for various reasons

Promiscuity and bi-sexuality

Sexy dressing for men other than one's partner

Having a same sex best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

Having a heterosexual best friend who is placed ahead of the partner or in competition for certain things

Same sex friends going out as a group for fun and entertainment without their partners

Flirting with other gender as retaliation against one's partner (or other reason)

Separate interests and activities accepted for partners

Manipulating partner through deception

Accepting the idea that it's OK to "agree to disagree" about some things

Promoting the idea that one should not try to change one's partner but should accept them with their faults, etc.

Girls only or boys only entertainment

Acceptance of the idea that men are more important

Promoting the idea that men are more rational than women

Promoting the idea that women are generally frivolous as part of their gender

Making it look normal for a man to exploit women

Making it look normal for a man to abuse women

Making it look normal for a man to have prerogatives or perks that women should accept and honor (e.g., serving men, doing what they want no matter what, being dominant, etc.)

Making it look like what women say and think as less important

Accepting the idea that a man does not need to "grovel" when he apologizes for something bad he did to her (the minimum is enough and she should not ask for more even if her feelings are still hurt or else she is being "unreasonable" etc.)

4b. What Procedures did I follow while evaluating sex and the City?

I used the list of AUV’s provided by Leon James and made note of any AUV’s presented as normal in the show Sex and the City. I also added other AUV’s to the list when necessary. I did not rate AUV’s as bad or worse the one AUV or another. Simply they are AUV in each individual case causing its own individual damage to relationship unity. Also they may very from relationship to relationship as to which is more Anti-unity. Sex and the City is so popular that the seasons of the show are sold in stores and can also be rented. I used the evaluation chart below while I watched season 4 of the Sex and the City.

Example:

Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Samantha engages a man in sex and then asks him to leave right after she is done with him b/c she only desires one thing from him. Sex.	Objectifying her and the man. Making sex purely sensorimotor pleasure.	Women are objectified by men; this suggests women should "Play the game too".

Sex and the City Summary

Setting – Manhattan

Mane Characters – Carrie (played by Sara Jessica Parker), Samantha (played by Kim Cattrall), Charlotte (played by Kristen Davis), and Miranda (played by Cynthia Nixon)

Plot – Four very successful single women living in New York Face daily relationship decisions with their lovers and friends. This is a very different television series then you are used to seeing!! WARNING this show has many scenes where women do the objectifying, ignoring, yelling, cheating, and other AUV behaviors in their relationships with men. This show is a political statement; women are saying in this show "two can play at Men’s ruthless games". I like the show for its bold statements about the changes that have in reality taken place in women’s lives largely due to the change acceptance (or tolerance) of women’s writes. It is beautiful that women are free now to say as much as they want and do as much as they want with less criticism and downplay. Sex and the City is aggrandizing sexual freedom and sexual freedom is an amazing accomplishment of women’s liberation! But that is not the only benefit of women’s liberation. What about education or rites to our bodies? What about domestic violence and divorce laws? Women fought for liberation and Sex and the City is suggesting we should get back at men by abusing them in the same manner that they had and have abused us. In any case they go against AUV.

Reviews

Eye.net describes Sex and the city http://www.eye.net/eye/issue/issue_05.31.01/film/dvd.html saying, "The program fulfills the same function for women or the 90’s that Playboy did for men of the ‘50s, providing a glimpse of a rich, sophisticated consumer lifestyle wrapped around some mild sexual titillation…It’s hard to tell which is meant to be the more desirable object – the parade of male flesh filing through Samantha’s bedroom door or Carrie’s walk-in Closet, engorged with shoes and designer labels". May 31, 2001

Popmatters.com Provides a review of sex and the city:

While some critics say the series has become mainstream, seeking higher ratings through more one-liners and trivial banter, other viewers see it as one of the most politically "progressive" shows on television today, citing its depiction of four [mostly] unmarried women not only having sex, having children, having jobs, and having friends, but most noticeably, having fun too. It's the only series on television featuring intelligent, career-driven, attractive, middle-aged women using words like "orgasm," "clitoris," and "masturbation" on a regular basis. We discover new aspects about sex and female pleasure in nearly every episode: not just about the act per se, but about different types of sex, various meanings and stigmas attached to sex, silence about sex, attitudes toward orgasm and partners, and masturbation. Such decisions are individual but also culturally framed.

Is this a true reflection of women in the ‘90s to present?

We conducted an informal and wholly unscientific survey, asking women (straight, lesbian, married, single, dating), some we know and others we don't, about their experiences with sex and orgasms. And we were surprised by what we learned. Many hip young women living in major cities: 1) are not having orgasms at all (never have); 2) "think" they are having orgasms (probably never have); or 3) rarely have orgasms during sex, and not at all during masturbation. The more we talked to girlfriends and random interviewees, the more we realized that many women want to talk about their sexual pleasures, elusive or immediate, with each other.

by Jennifer Bendery and Alison Wong — 22 July 2002

PopMatters Film and TV Critic

10.6 million viewers tuned in for final episode of HBO's comedy Sex and the City, dwarfing previous high for series of 7.7 million viewers.

Christianity.com guests discuss in a chat room whether or not it is a sin to watch sex and the City. Here are a few comments from that forum:

However, the show itself celebrates the amoral lifestyle of the characters. There is a huge amount of sexually explicit material on the show. Some of it bordering on soft-core pornography. Obviously nothing on the show is glorifying to God, in fact the opposite is true since the show centers around the sexual escapades of the characters. Marriage is not considered sacred on the show, in fact it is made a mockery of since most of the sex taking place on the show happens out of wedlock. Does the nudity and sexual topics on the show invoke lustful desires in you? Does the lifestyle the characters live entertain you or disgust you? Christianity.com , TonyF – Veteran Posted: Jun 29, 2003, 9:38 PM

4c. Data Gathered / 4d. The AUV scale 4e. / Testing out the AUV scale

4c. Action(s)	4d. AUV(s) scale	4e. Evaluation
Samantha engages a man in sex and then asks him to leave right after she is done with him b/c she only desires one thing form him. Sex.	Objectifies herself and the man. Making sex purely sensorimotor pleasure	Men daily objectify women; this scene is suggesting women should just give in and "Play the game too".
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Samantha’s boss (male) asks her is she is late to work b/c she spent the morning accessorizing.	Promoting the idea that women are frolicsome by nature based on their gender.	Men will put women down by making comments like this to maintain their power and control even if they know it is not true. Undermining women’s work ethics and abilities
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Samantha finds that her boyfriend is having a personal shopper buy all the gift he gives to her. She tells the personal shopper to put LOVE, Richard on the Card of the next gift b/c she wants to see how he will respond to I Love You.	Manipulating partner by deceiving them	This does not create an honest relationship and will not lead to unity but more separateness.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Carrie decides against her boyfriends wishes that she will spend some time with her ex-boyfriend b/c they were friends before she was together with Aiden – her new boyfriend.	Choosing a friend over your lover.	Excluding her current boyfriend from that part of her personal life creates a distance somewhere in her current relationship. She is choosing to make the bond weaker between her current boyfriend; while increase the bond with her ex-boyfriend.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Charlotte wants to have a baby with her husband and they try but in the middle of trying her husband gives up out of frustration and refuses to try anymore. He tell her there are other ways she can be happy	Making her decision less important or unnecessary.	He undermines her desire to have a child by telling her that if it happens it happens and they shouldn’t try. She feels separated from her partner b/c he has refused to work toward the goal of a child with her. She feels betrayed in her efforts. She feels like he doesn’t have the same desires for unity.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Charlotte is on fertility drugs while trying conceive and her husband states that she needs to lay off the hormones.	Not supporting partner in time of need	He knows that taking the hormones is hard. By saying "lay of the hormones" it makes her feel vulnerable and alone in her efforts to conceive. He is also making a sexist statement about women and their hormones.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Miranda has sex with a man just because she is horny and becomes pregnant. Miranda has a baby out of wedlock	Promiscuity/objectifying partner	According to AUV we have discussed in class this is an AUV b/c it promotes objectified sex (sensorimotor) and having children without a unity with a partner.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Carrie cheats on her boyfriend and her finds out; Later he gets back together with her and has a herd time trusting her.	Adultery	Carrie tells him that he has to trust her now with no worries about their unity and trust issues. She is minimizing the wrong that she has done him and expects him just to forget it without any major moves to apologize.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Samantha has sex with an old acquaintance at a business party because she finds out that her boyfriend has been sleeping around.	Having sex w/ someone to get back at your lover. Making partner jealous on purpose	Breaks down any unity that had been there before the adultery occurred. Not a Unity promoting behavior. Creates jealousy and pain between the two. Creates rejection and feelings of failure between the two. Does not reflect reality- Her current boyfriend catches her in the act and gets back together with her caring nothing about what she had done.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
All four girls go out by themselves all the time in the show. Girls night very exclusively	Excluding partner from activities and outside relationships	According to AUV we discussed in class leaving your partner out of any activity is in a way breaking down the perfect unity. In my opinion this is fine as long as their friends are supportive of unity values.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
All of the men and women on the show do not show a lot of willingness to change for their partner	Promoting the acceptance of agreeing to disagree and to not try to change your partner.	Promoting the idea that "I am the way I am and if you don’t like it deal with it" attitude. This is not the attitude you can have if you are seeking a unity with a partner. They are very quick to call relationships off leaving the impression that one should give up quickly if things are not perfect.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Cursing and yelling at parters (all characters)	Promotes a bad way of dealing with issues in relationships	Promotes selfishness in a relationship by loosing control of ones self instead of trying to understand the perspective of the other partner. Quick and perfect make-ups in the show do not reflect reality.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Charlotte and her husband are separated and living apart from one another. Her husband only wants to have sex with her when he sees her.	Objectifying his wife	Satisfying him self with sex when she is worried about the relationship and issues surrounding it. He will have sex with her but doesn’t ask her to move back in. This is AUV and makes her feel objectified and secondary on his list of needs. After sexual gradification.
Action	AUV(s)	Evaluation
Having several sexual partners in a very short amount of time.	Promoting sexual promiscuity	This leaves the impression that you can be perfectly happy having sex with several people in a short amount of time with no emotional attachment necessary. All sex no Love. Also it does not reflect the reality of STD’s.

5.Conclusion

Feminist movements have made an incredible change in women’s rights! No woman would deny that. Why is this show displaying women’s rights in this particular manner? Women are angry because they have been objectified, forced to conform to beauty standards, and have had our beautiful minds undermined. Is retaliation in this manner necessary? Does it serve the purposes of the feminist movements? Do we need to go to the extreme and back again to find the middle? Maybe women just don’t find a foreseeable change in men at all. The feminist movements are for the women! But they are also expected to be responded to by men. Feminist movements cannot create movements if men do not move too. Are men responding? Are they understanding? Are they trying to change? Maybe this is why we have a television show titled Sex and the City.

Attaining gender unity would require a lot of self-evaluation on the part of every individual. If there were a greater gender unity there would be more self-evaluation, which would also improve relationships on all levels of the world (social and political). In a peaceful world unity is a necessary. I believe it would also reduce the amount of sexism that is a direct result of ignorance of another’s intentions. The world would be a more functional and conceivable place with gender unity as a goal.

6. Future Generations

By reading the reports written by others before entering into this kind of research it will give you a good idea of what you should be looking for in terms of AUV and UV. Also it will give you good ideas for methods of gathering your data. Looking at reviews that critics give TV programs is also another way to improve your report because it will give you a sense of the public opinion of the TV show. The show I picked, Sex and the City was hard to evaluate because so much of what we learned in class was focused on the mistreatment of men. In the case of Sex and the City, there were more issues of AUV for the females.

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