By: Nicole Reaves
December 5, 2001
In this report, which is my report 2, I will describe how I used the emotional spin cycle in helping to change from spending most of my day on the negative side of the cycle to spending more time on the positive side. Well, in order to understand what I mean you first need to understand what is meant by the emotional spin cycle. My report 1 is an annotated bibliography in which I explain the emotional spin cycle and many of the terms that go along with understanding the cycle. Before I move on to how the emotional spin cycle was represented in this report, let me review the emotional spin cycle. First, take a look at the following diagram that my instructor, Dr. James, developed representing the emotional spin cycle.
There are 4 zones that make up this cycle. Zones 1 and 4 represent others and zones 2 and 3 represent self. The left side of the cycle is the negative side and the right side of the cycle is the positive cycle. The cycle begins on setting one and continues through setting twelve. Within each zone there are three settings that represent feeling, thinking, and doing. Feeling, thinking, and doing all make up what is known as the threefold-self. If you were to pick out any moment during your day, you would find that you are always moving between these three ideas that make up the threefold-self. You will also find that you are either on the positive side or the negative side of the cycle. The following diagram is a more detailed picture with examples of what each of the 12 settings represent.
Let me explain how the cycle works in our daily lives. If someone feels angry (setting 1), they follow this by thinking emotionally impaired thoughts (setting 2) such as thinking about getting revenge. They then follow their thinking with doing aggressive or destructive behavior (setting 3). The others part of the cycle involves others in our feeling, thinking, and doing. The self half of the cycle involves feelings, thinking, and doing toward self. I didn't realize before taking this class, but my instructor has pointed out that most people spend their day on the negative side of the emotional spin cycle. This class offered an opportunity for us to work on trying to spend more time on the positive side of the cycle. In order to do this, we would need to use what are called bridges. The red bridge is what we use when crossing from setting 2 to setting 11. This bridge is also known as determination because that is what you use to make the red bridge successful. The following are some examples of what you can say to yourself to make the red bridge successful:
--convince yourself it's better for you to forgive and forget insults
--remind yourself that aggressive behavior won't bring you what you want
--reaffirm the human responsibility you bear to be fair and forgiving
The blue bridge is what we use when crossing from setting 5 to setting 8. This bridge is also known as resistance because resisting those negative thoughts will result in the ability to move to the positive side of the emotional spin cycle. The following are some examples of what you can say to yourself to make the blue bridge successful:
--reject the idea that the worst is going to happen
--reaffirm your belief that you deserve dignity and love
--remind yourself there's a big difference between fantasy and actuality
The emotional spin cycle is always occuring in everyone. As I already stated, most people spend most of their day on the negative side of the spin cycle. This negativity usually does not only involve one person. Even if you are having negative thoughts about yourself, others are often aware of these thoughts because of the actions that go along with the thoughts. I remember the last time I went back to my home town to visit family I hadn't seen in a couple of years. I felt very uncomfortable because the whole day all I was hearing from people were negative ideas. I had to listen to people talk about how bad they always felt and who had done them wrong. I found that this talk made me sad that all they had to talk about were negative things. As I look back, I can't think of anything positive that was said the whole day.
It is very important in our society that people become more aware of their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors and how they not only effect themselves but also those around them. This is a step that schools are now teaching their students. In my son's school, every morning the teachers read a scenario to the students. This scenario involves situations that the students may find themselves in and helps them talk out how they can deal with the situation. They discuss how the situation makes them feel and how they think others that may be involved feel. They are then presented with positive ways in which to resolve the conflict. I think this is a strong positive move in helping people better understand their emotional spin cycle. My son will grow up being much more aware of his three-fold self than I was prior to taking this class. If all schools take this step with their students, over time it would help to lower the overall levels of negativity throughout our society.
The purpose of this project was to learn what steps to take in order to move out of the negative side of the spin cycle into the positive side of the cycle. The Threestep Method (AWM method) was used in order to achieve this goal. This method allows you to control the daily emotional spin cycle by using three steps.
(A)cknowledge - you have to be able to admit that you need help in controlling the negative side of your spin cycle.
(W)itness - you must witness your threefold self in the negative side of the spin cycle and record these observations through data collection.
(Modify) - You must modify your spin cycle in a selected area and then move on to other areas also in need.
The first thing that I had to do for this project was to admit that I needed to learn how to control the negative side of my daily emotional spin cycle. I find that I get angry on a daily basis and have had absolutely no control over this. I want to be able to be happy and spend much more time on the positive side of my spin cycle. I don't like how I feel, think, and act when I am on the negative side of the cycle.
This project required me to record my threefold self three times a day for two weeks. The first week I focused on witnessing my threefold self in the negative side of the daily emotional spin cycle. Every morning, afternoon, and evening I recorded an intense feeling as well as the thinking and doing that went with it. This meant that I had witnessed my threefold self at least three times each day. Also, at the end of each day I collected Global Ratings. There were six ratings:
1. What was my stongest stress point today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme)
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme)
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme)
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective)
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright)
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed)
The second week of the project is when I proceeded to modify my behavior. This week also involved recording my threefold self in the negative spin cycle three times a day (morning, afternoon, and evening). This second week is different because this is when I used a Bridge to intervene to go from the negative side of the cycle to the positive side. For this project, I focused on using the Bridge to intervene with my thinking to change my thinking from negative to positive which in turn would make my actions positive. If I was in the negative red (others), then I would use the Red Bridge (Determination) to achieve moving to the positive red (others). I would use the Blue Bridge (Resistance) to move from the negative blue (self) to the positive blue (self). There are different self-regulatory sentences that can be used to increase your strength of the red bridge and the blue bridge. The stronger these bridges are, the more successful you will be at crossing from the negative to the positive.
Red Bridge self-regulatory Prompts
--convince yourself it's better for you to forgive and forget insults
--remind yourself that aggressive behavior won't bring you what you want
--reaffirm the human responsibility you bear to be fair and forgiving
Blue Bridge self-regulatory Prompts
--reject the idea that the worst is going to happen
--reaffirm your belief that you deserve dignity and love
--remind yourself there's a big difference between fantasy and actuality
Morning: Last night I told my husband that I wanted to go Christmas shopping early in the morning. This morning when I wanted him to get up and get ready, he wouldn't get out of the bed. This made me mad because I wanted to be leaving by 8 a.m. I sat around waiting on him to get up. As I waited, many thoughts went through my mind. "He knew I wanted to leave early this morning. Why is it that my plans don't seem to be as important as his?" I was sitting and waiting on him for two hours. As I was waiting my lips began to tighten and I was strongly tapping my foot on the floor.
Afternoon: When it was time to come home after shopping, my husband said "You're driving, right?" I told him that I really didn't want to drive. He proceeded to get in the car on the passengers side anyway. This made me angry. I was thinking "He just asked me if I was driving and I said no. So, why did he even bother asking?" I got in the car and slammed the door. My lips were tight and I didn't talk to him most of the ride home.
Evening: On our way home from shopping, we stopped by the store to pick up some movies. We let our son pick out a movie but it was too late at night when we got home for him to watch the movie tonight. He whined and said it wasn't fair because my husband and I got to watch our movies. It really annoys me when he whines. I thought "We're the parents and you're not. I'm so tired of hearing him saying that something isn't fair." I raised my voice and told him to stop whining and get ready for bed. I told him that if I heard anymore whining, he wouldn't get to watch the movie at all.
Daily Global Ratings
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 3
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 3
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective) 2
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright) 5
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed) 8
Morning: I woke up this morning really not wanting to get up. I was still tired from not sleeping well the night before. I thought "I only have one class today. It wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't go today." After I took my son to school, I decided to go back home to sleep. I didn't go to class.
Afternoon: This afternoon I decided to go shopping. On my way home, there was a lot of traffic. I got very angry when a car came speeding by and changing from one lane to another a few times in front of me. I was amazed that there wasn't an accident. As I watched this car, I was shaking my head. I was thinking "This driver is an idiot. Where's a cop when you need one?"
Evening: No record for evening
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 6
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 5
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective) 5
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright) 6
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed) 6
Morning: Slept in late
Afternoon: This afternoon my husband and I were trying to decide what to do for the day. He told me to decide. But, everytime I made a suggestion he would say that he didn't want to do that. This was very frustrating. I thought "Why did he tell me to decide if he wasn't going to accept my decision." After suggesting a few different places, I told him "Fine if you don't like my ideas then don't tell me to make the decisions. What do you want to do?" I said this a little snappy and I think he understood how annoyed I was.
Evening: Tonight we went out to dinner and the service was horrible. I became a little frustrated when it took forever just to get our drinks. Then, we had ordered appetizers. They proceeded to bring our appetizer at the same time as our dinner. By this time, I was really angry. I thought: "I don't think I'll be coming here again. This service is really terrible." When they brought the appetizer with the dinner, I told the waiter to take the appetizer back. I wasn't going to pay for an appetizer that wasn't served as an appetizer. I didn't want it once I had my dinner.
Daily Global Ratings
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 5
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 5
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective) 4
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright) 5
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed) 4
After reviewing my records from week one, I found that my anger was towards a variety of people. I got angry at my husband, son, other drivers, and store workers. I couldn't believe how much time I was spending on the negative side of the spin cycle. Not one day passed that I didn't find myself on the negative side of the daily emotional spin cycle. I was determined that this was going to change. I wanted to focus more of my energy into being on the positive side of the spin cycle. At this time, I had completed the first step of the threestep method by Acknowledging that I needed to gain control over my negative spin cycle. If you look at my global ratings you can see that my level of stress during week one was fairly high and my coping abilities were low. By recording my threefold self during the week one and week two, I have successfully Witnessed myself in the negative spin cycle. The final step to help with my anger towards others was to Modify my spin cycle by using the Red Bridge. I would now like to share some samples from week two and I will then summarize my findings.
Morning: I woke up this morning not wanting to get up and face another long week of school. I thought "Maybe I'll just skip my early morning class." I then realized that this was irrational thinking. At this time I implemented the Red bridge. I thought to myself "School is almost over and all I have to do is hang on a little bit longer. Also, it's getting close to time for finals. I don't want to miss anything important." So, I followed these thoughts with positive actions. I got up after the first time the alarm went off and got ready for school.
Afternoon: On my way home from school, another car was riding my bumper. Since I was in the left lane, I moved to the right to get out of their way. Soon after, they changed lanes to be right in front of me and then slowed down. At first, this made me angry and I thought "Why go in front of me and then slow down?" Then I remembered to try to bridge to the positive. So, I began saying aloud "Big Deal. I'm not in a hurry anyway. I'll just slow down some to put more space between us." I did just that and even found myself smiling because they did not ruin my day.
Daily Global Ratings
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 8
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 9
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective) 9
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright) 8
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed) 2
Day Five
Evening: This evening I was feeling angry at my son for not doing his homework at afterschool care. My thoughts were "Oh, here we go again. Why is it so difficult for him to remember to do homework?" I then realized what was happening and proceeded to implement the Red bridge. I then thought to myself "Relax. Getting angry hasn't accomplished anything before. Just have him get to work when he gets home and don't raise your voice when talking to him." I could still feel the tension in my body because of being angry. But, this time, I was able to talk to him calmly instead of yelling.
Daily Global Ratings
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 7
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 8
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective) 8
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright) 8
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed) 3
Day 6
Morning: This morning I got up and found my son sneaking into the kitchen to get a piece of candy. At first I felt angry because he wasn't supposed to be in the kitchen. I could sense that my heart rate had increased and my muscles were tightening. I thought to myself "He knows he's not supposed to come in the kitchen by himself. He never listens to anything I tell him." These thoughts were immediately followed by my using the Red Bridge. I then had new thoughts. "Okay, I'm not going to get angry. Yelling at him won't accomplish anything." So, I calmly explained to him how unsafe it is for him to be in the kitchen. I also let him know that from now on it is very important that he come let me or his dad know as soon as he wakes up in the morning.
Daily Global Ratings
2. What was my strongest level of satisfaction with myself today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 8
3. What was my best level of effectiveness or productivity today: (1=very weak; 10=extreme) 8
4. What was my best level of coping successfully with my feelings today: (1=very ineffectual; 10=extremely effective) 8
5. What is your current level of hope for the future: (1=little hope or brightness; 10=extremely hopeful and bright) 9
6. What was the worst level of negativity or selfishness of some other people around you: (1=almost no negativity or selfishness observed; 10=extremely strong negative or selfish behavior observed) 2
Summary from Week Two
During week two, I used the red bridge to move myself from the negative side of the emotional spin cycle to the positive side of the cycle. I didn't want to keep getting angry with others. I didn't like myself and wasn't proud of the feelings, thoughts, and actions that were associated with the time I spent on the negative side of the daily emotional spin cycle. Therefore, I used the Red Bridge to intervene during the thinking process to change my thinking to positive thinking. I was surprised at the results. I didn't think it would be so difficult to change my thinking to positive. The challenge was to be constantly aware of what is going on. It was very simple to forget because we are so conditioned to respond in certain ways to given situations. However, I was fairly successful in using the Red Bridge. I found that I was able with a lot of hard work able to control my anger by trying to think of positive thoughts related to the negative situation I was in. In reviewing my daily global rating, I found that my overall stress level went down during week two and I was much more satisfied with myself. I felt better about myself because I had taken steps to control my anger.
Discussion
After reading this report, you should have a better understanding of the process involved in changing our habits from the negative side of the daily emotional spin cycle to the positive side of the cycle. I personally found this process very helpful in my relationship with my husband and my son. I don't think anyone wants their child to grow up remembering how angry their parent was all the time. However, changing your habits is not such a simple thing. It is something that will require practice and repeating over and over again. I like the way that Daniel Goleman explains habits in his book "Working with Emotional Intelligence." According to Goleman "Deep change requires the retooling of ingrained habits of thought, feeling, and behavior." He points out that our habits strengthen the neural pathways that support these habits. These pathways become the dominant neural pathways. Therefore our brain uses these dominant pathways as its default system when acting automatically. If we have negative habits, then "replacing it with a more effective one requires enough practice of the better habit--and inhibition of the poor one--that the neural circuitry for the old behavior finally withers." I think we've all heard the saying that old habits are hard to break. This is very true. It takes daily practice in order to make the positive feelings, thoughts, and behaviors become habits.
Goleman, Daniel. "Working with Emotional Intelligence." Bantam Books, New York 1998. P. 242-243.
My Book Review of "Working with Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman
My Book Review of "The Safety of Elderly Drivers" by J. Peter Rothe