A Review of Albert Ellis's
Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better
Impact Publishers, 2001
by Kelly
posted on December 5, 2002
1. The Book's Overall Content
The book, Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better includes many major topics in each chapter. However, for the purpose of this report I will discuss the topics that Ellis emphasizes on most. These topics include: The difference between feeling better and getting better, unconditional and conditional self-accepting, disturbing ourselves, and using cognitive and philosophizing methods to feel better. Other major topics include, using emotive, evocative and experiential methods, as well as using behavioral and activity methods.
The Difference Between Feeling Better and Getting Better
The first major topic Ellis discusses is the difference between feeling better and getting better. This is an important topic to establish before going on to read the book so that the reader understands why it is important to get treatment for internalized problems rather than using solutions that are helpful for that particular moment in time. Ellis says, "Feeling better is almost crucial to successful therapy, but usually short-lived. Getting better is even more important and more lasting." (Chapter 1, page 4).
Ellis also says that getting better is more difficult to achieve than is feeling better. There are many ways to go about feeling better, these will be discussed further in the paper. However, these solutions are only temporary. One of Ellis's messages that he attempts to get across is that you need to work toward getting better and not just feeling better.
Unconditional and Conditional Self-Acceptance
Unconditional self-acceptance is (USA) defined by Ellis as, you fully accept yourself, even when you perform badly and may be despised by significant others. (Chapter 2, page 13). Ellis says unconditional self-accpetance is one of the key ingredients to getting better. With USA a person will minimize their self-downing. Ellis says that USA is difficult to achieve but once it is gained no matter what you do, good or bad, you will be okay with it and you will not doubt yourself. USA is something you need to work hard to achieve and work even harder to maintain.
Here are some suggestions Ellis gives to achieve USA. (Chapter 3, pages 25-27).
1. Rather than saying "I am bad" or "I am good," say, "What I did was good" or "What I did was bad."
2. Tell yourself you are a unique individual, that you are alive and you want to be reasonably happy and free from pain.
3. Defining yourself as a "good person" can aid your remaining alive and being happy.
Ellis defines Conditional Self-Accepting (CSA) as, accepting yourself on the condition that you perform well and gain the approval of others. With CSA you tend to blame yourself when you do badly. (Chapter 2, page 14). Ellis suggests this is what most people have. As humans, we tend to rate ourselves as well as our behavior. We also tend to compare ourselves with others. Ellis also says that we have been trained to damn ourselves when we do something wrong.
Disturbing Yourself
Ellis says, "You don't just get disturbed from traumatic experiences that happen to you, you also choose to needlessly upset yourself about these traumas." (Chapter 2, page 15). This follows the Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) theory of how you become disturbed. Since people choose to disturb themselves, they can also choose to refuse to disturb themselves. USA is helpful in preventing disturbing yourself.
The ABC theory of disturbing (Chapter 2, page 17)
A: adversity (the problem, hard times)
B: beliefs (what the individual thinks about the adversity)
C: consequences (results of adversity and beliefs)
The theory of REBT holds that thinking, feeling, and behaving are far from separate but include and are integrated with each other. (Chapter 11, page 176).
Using Cognitive and Philosophizing Methods To FEEL Better
The following are "quick fixes" when feeling bad. It is easier and faster to feel better than it is to get better. These methods are only temporary. They are provided in the book to help people who do not have a lot of time to engage in methods that are long-term and help them get better.
Meditating is a cognitive technique. Ellis encourages the person pay particular attention to their breathing. This technique is to temporarily eliminate the opportunity to worry or depress yourself.
Jacobson's Progressive Relaxation Technique focuses on intently relaxing your muscles, from head to toe. The whole body must be fully relaxed. Since you are focusing on relaxing, you will be less likely to become worried, depressed or enraged about something.
Yoga consists of gentle execises and requires you to concentrate on your movements and distract yourself from disturbing thoughts and feelings. Again, thoughts are focused on the "now" and your body movements, which makes it less likely you will focus on other disturbing things.
Some philosophizing methods include achieving a vital absorbing interest, using self-efficacy and staying in the present. (Chapter 4, pages 45-49). Philosophies also include both affective elements and action tendencies. As Kyla Nohara mentioned in her oral presentation, thinking and philosophizing are not separate and distinct, rather they overlap and are often closely connected.
Achieving a Vital Absorbing Interest will work as long as you are not too overly concerned with how the project will come out. According to Ellis this is one of the best ways to occupy yourself from anxietizing and depressing. The more involved you are the better, but again, it will not be helpful if you are too concerned with the outcome. That would be another thing that will disturb you and the whole point of finding an interest would fail. This is not to say that if you are vitally absorbed in a project you will eliminate all disturbing thoughts. It just gives you less of an opportunity to do so.
Using Self-Efficacy, according to Albert Bandura, is the belief in one's capabilities to organize and execute tasks and as a result they actually do better at those tasks. Attaining self-efficacy helps you do more of the things you want without being afraid to do so, and doing them well. Ellis mentions that although self-efficacy is worth while, it is not enough. Ellis says that unless you have self-efficacy together with USA, you can still create anziety for yourself.
Staying in the Present says that most of your disturbing thoughts have to do with regret in the past or worry in the future. As Mark Tom mentioned in his oral presentation about staying in the present, there are only two days in each week which we should not worry about. Those two days should be free from fear, guilt and regret. One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes, faults and bluders. Yesterday is passed and is beyond our control. The other day is tomorrow, with its possible adversities and its burdens. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. This leaves only today, the only day we can control.
Overcoming the Need for Perfection. This is a solution for not only feeling better but getting better. As humans, perfection is something we all strive for, it is something we also always fail at. Perfectionism is not realistic. It is impossible for anyone to be perfect. Working on being perfection clouds your mind with worries about failing. This then leads to disturbing thoughts, which we would like to eliminate. Some techniques to overcome perfectionism are, to look at perfecting as a goal, not as an end result and not to attach personal worth with behaviors.
Minimize Absolutistic Thinking. Absolutistic thinking is when a person thinks, 'I must do well on my math exam or I'll fail and I won't be able to graduate, and I'll never get a good job.' Some techniques to help get over this kind of thinking are, monitor awfulizing thoughts like, 'I will never be good enough.' These thoughts are absolute, overgeneralized statements. Another technique is to change your absolutistic shoulds and musts to, 'I'd prefer to do well on my test, if I don't, I know I need to study harder.'(Chapter 8, page 108-111). Minimizing this kind of thinking is not only useful for short-term feeling better, it is for getting better as well.
In Marian Wood's oral presentation, she discussed some things that relate to "preferring." Preferable shoulding and musting says it is preferable to keep succeeding at important goals and gain the approval of other peole, but it is not necessary to do so. This type of thinking is better than absolutistic demanding which says, I very much want to succeed at important goals and gain the approval of others. I have to have absolute approval at all times and under all conditions or I will not be happy.
Using Emotive, Evocative and Experiential Methods
According to Ellis these methods serve several functions. First, they can distract you from disturbing thoughts and from worrying or depressing. Second, they are pleasurable, either immediately or in the long run. Third, they help you to see what is out there and to see the possibilities life offers. Fourth, they involve both cognitive and behavioral processes that encourage change.
Other approval and self-approval. Other approval is the most common way people try to help themselves feel better when they have disturbing thoughts. Other approval includes teachers, friends, parents, other family members and even therapists. Self-approval has more to do with doing tasks as well as you wanted to.
Using a Therapist can be helpful. Ellis says a therapist will care for you as an individual, and they have an incentive to help you become happier and less disturbed. However, as Ellis frequently does in his book, he makes you aware of its drawbacks. For example a negative aspect of seeing a therapist is if the therapist personally dislikes you. They may see the patient sicker than the patient actually is. Problems also arise if the patient falls in love with their therapist. The patient may not want to reveal their problems due to embarrassment.
Using Support Groups can also be helpful. In a support group you can find someone who you can relate to. Someone who may have the same problems as you. These people are usually willing to listen and talk with you. They also tend to be sympathetic because they are having the same problems and they know how you feel. Again, there may be disadvantages in support groups, especially if they are not led by a well-informed leader. Support groups have another fall back, they tend to only help in feeling better and not getting better, they are temporary solutions.
Using Spiritual Beliefs. The term "spiritual" can carry several meanings. For the purpose of this project, I will use the term spiritual as Ellis did. Spiritual can mean having an optimistic, purposive, vital absorbing interest in things, which in some ways puts you in better touch with realtiy and better able to cope. This type of spirituality is encouraged by therapists and experts on happiness. (Chapter 5, page 64).
Behavioral and Activity Methods
According to Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better, REBT is famous for some of its activity-behavioral methods. One of the main reasons Ellis put this in his book is because he used them successfully on himself. These methods include in vivo dessensitization, risk-taking methods, staying in difficult situations and commiting to therapy. Let's take a closer look at each of these methods.
In Vivo Desensitization is steady exposure to any thing or evnt that you irrationally fear. (Chapter 11, page 174). Ellis provides a personal experience with using in vivo desensitization in this book. Until the age of 19, Ellis was very apprehensive about speaking in public. Ellis then used this method and he forced himself to speak in public at least once or twice a week. After about six or seven times, Ellis became more familiar and therefore more comfortable speaking in public.
Around 1918, behaviorist, John B. Watson, began using this on children. Watson helped children overcome fears of mice, rabbits and other animals. After about 20 minutes of in vivo desensitization, the children's anxiety decreased when presented with these animals.
Along with using in vivo desensitization, a person should use the following:
(Chapter 11, page 177)
Risk-Taking Methods. This method requires a person to do shame-attacking exercises. An example given in the book deals with a woman named Blanche. Blanche never wanted to do anything too risky. She was also afraid of rejection. If she found a man attractive, she would run from him. (Chapter 11, page 181). Blanche's shame-attacking exercise was to read Screw Magazine on the subway. She also had to wear a fur coat on a sunny day. After doing these types of things a couple of times, Blanche was no longer ashamed of it.
Staying in Difficult Situations. (Chapter 11, page 183-185). It is natural for people to want to quickly get out of a bad situation. However, staying in the situation could be helpful. In Bianca Mills' oral presentation she mentioned staying in difficult situations can help a person think about their situation and rationalize a new, calm reaction. This method can help you deal with uncomfortable situations.
Commiting to Therapy. The following is a list of things Ellis says you must commit yourself to do in order to feel better, get better and stay better. (Chapter 11, page 195).
Other Attitudes and Philosophies to Hold
In Chapter 15, page 232, Ellis mentions some other ways to change self-defeating thinking, feeling and behaving. It would be most helpful if you could strongly hold the following ideas.
I do see a progression in Ellis's topics of the book. The whole book, including its major topics, emphasize the importance of not just feeling better, but also getting better. Ellis first explains the differences between feeling better and getting better. Ellis then gives many ways a person can go about trying to feel and get better. What is helpful are the examples Ellis provides. The example make it easier to understand what Ellis is trying to get across.
I was interested in several of the major topics, most of them had to do with techniques for getting through embarrassing situations and situations that were always anxietizing. Speaking in public, for example. As Ellis did when he was 19-years-old, he forced himself to speak in public several times a week, eventually he got over his fear. This technique is referred to as the in vivo desensitization method. I was also particularly interested in the idea of minimizing absolutistic thinking. I tend to do think absolutistically in some situations. When I stop to think about it, "So what if I don't get an A in my class?" I realize that it will not make me less of a person. It does not mean that my life will come to a hault, it just means that I didn't work hard enough, and I can learn from it.
Several of these topics were familiar to me, I learned them through other psychology courses I have taken in the past. In vivo sensitization is one of them. I learned in psycholoy 100 that John B. Watson was the first behaviorist who used this technique. I also learned the story of Little Albert. Albert was an 11-month-old baby. Watson wanted to show how emotions can be learned. So little Albert was presented with a rat, Albert was not afraid and had no emotional reaction to the rat. Then Albert was presented with the rat paired with a loud noise. After several trials, Little Albert showed fear even when he was just shown the rat and the loud noise was eliminated.
I was also familiar with some of the meditating techniques. I have always heard they are good ways of calming down, relaxing and taking your mind of disturbing thoughts. In social psychology I learned about gaining other people's approval. This is one of the main techniques people use to make themselves feel better after feeling bad. The book was a little more interesting because many of the topics were familiar to me. If they were unfamiliar I may not have enjoyed the book as much.
This book would be of interest, and possibly helpful, to someone who is mildly disturbed. I do not think that someone who is really self-downing could just go to the self-help section, buy this book, read it and be cured. Someone who is very disturbed should see a therapist. Like I said, I think this book would be helpful to those who sometimes feel things just aren't going their way. This book gives some great ideas on how to handle certain situations and what kinds of cognitive and behvioral techniques may help them.
2. The Book's Importance
There are several problems this book discusses and offers solutions to. Some of the problems include, having irrational and absolutistic beliefs, perfectionizing, handicapping yourself and the idea that you disturb yourself. Let's take a closer look at each of these problems and their solutions.
Irrationanal and Absolutistic Beliefs
In chapter 8, page 109, Ellis briefly discussed semanticistAlfred Korzybski's idea that said absolutistic thinking makes a person "unsane." Ellis gives some suggestions in overcoming these ideas. One solution is to monitor your awfulizing. Rather than saying, "This failure is totally bad," say, "This failure may be very bad, but it could be worse and could lead to worse results." Another solution is to, as mentioned before, change all your shoulds and musts to realistic preferring. Another thing to keep in mind is that failing one task does NOT mean that you will always fail and never succeed. Also, be open-minded, skeptika and experimental, "absolute and final truths do not seem to exist."
Perfectionizing
This is another topic I discussed previously. In chapter 8, page 103, Ellis says, "Your desire for perfectionism may be legitimate- to be perfectly achieving, lovable and comfortable. Go desire - but never insist." When you demand perfection, you are almost certain to fail. Here are some solutions to overcome perfectionism, do not attach personal worth with your traits or actions and accept the law of probabiltiy, you will succeed at many tasks, but not all. Another solution is, when you do something bad, put your behavior down, not yourself.
Handicapping Yourself
Many people, when faced with a problem, give up. They give excuses for why they gave up, they make themselves look unable. Rather than doing this you can use other people, who have solved similar problems, as models. Here are some solutions for this type of behvior, find someone who has overcome a mental or physical handicap, and see how they overcame it. The book also suggests finding someone who currently has a handicap and see how they refuse to feel sorry for themselves, or put themselves down. One last thing, if you try these techniques and they don't work for you, admit your failure, but do NOT put yourself down for not succeeding at it. (Chapter 8, page 106). Getting over this is another step toward getting better.
Stop Disturbing Yourself
The idea here is that people disturb themselves about disturbing themselves. For example a person will say, "If I depress myself, as I absolutely must not, I am an inadequate, worthless person." So this person will get upset over not upsetting themselves. This only makes the person twice as upset. Ellis says, "Your secondary distress often becomes so intense that it stops you from dealing effectivley with your primary distress." Here are some solutions to this. Realize that this will happen, as a human, you are likely to bring on both primary and secondary distress. The book also suggests realistically disputing your demand that your secondary disturbance not exist. "Where is it written that i must not feel horribly about my dysfunctioning? Prove that this 'horror' must not exist." (Chapter 8, page 113 & 114). This is another technique that helps a person get better.
Many people can relate to these problems. If people just take the time to stop and think rationally, they may find solutions to their problems. For example if you stop to think about perfectionism, how would that ever be possible. You would first have to define perfect. Not only that but perfection is "in the eye of the beholder." What is 'perfect' for one person may not be 'perfect' for another. I think these issues are important to improve because for the more vulnerable people, they can have devastating effects. As I mentioned earlier, these issues are obvious in our society, however I do not feel the solutions can help everyone. As they say on informercials, "Individaul results will vary."
I would have to say this book fits into many fields of psychology. It definitely fits into social psychology because it talks about gaining approval of others. It can also be included in abnormal psychology if these ideas are taken to the extremes. For example, many people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are perfectionists. Some of these topics also deal with irrational beliefs which fits in to abnormal psycology as well. Behavioral and cognitive psychology also come to mind. Many of these techniques to overcome disturbing thoughts deals with acting or thinking differently.
3. The Book's Structure
The book has some exercises, some things you can try in the comfort of your own home. One of those being meditation. Another exercise is Jacobson's Progressive Relaxation technique. Some other exercises are the ones I explained earlier about risk-taking and shame attacking exercises. The following is a more detailed description of meditation and Jaconbson's Progressive Relaxation.
Meditation
There are different kinds of meditation. Some encourage you to focus on your thoughts but at the same time, do not take those thoughts to seriously. Other forms encourage you to focus on a word such as "om"or "peace." Meditation also encourages you to focus on your breathing. Either way you chose to meditate, these techniques will take awa y the time you have to think about other stressing things. Other types of meditation include philosophy. The Buddhist, Taoist or Christian philosophy may be incorporated with the meditation. According to Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better, this type of meditation "may help you believe that all things are equally good, that 'this, too, shall pass,' that nothing is sacred, or that God will provide." (Chapter 4, page 43).
Jacobson's Progressive Relaxation
Edmund Jacobson pioneered this technique in the 1930's. This exercise requires a person to tense and relax various voluntary muscles throughout the body. This tensing and relaxing is done in an orderly sequence. Research has shown that progressive relaxation can be effective in reducing the effects of stress.
First, you must find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Each day take 15 minutes to do this exercise. For this exercise, all parts of the bodymust be supported, it is best to use a bed, couch or recliner. It is also suggested that you wear loose clothing. The focus here is to pay attention to sensations that you get from letting go of tension. Get further instructions here.
I tried the progressive relaxation technique, and I did find I was more relaxed. However, I was so relaxed I wanted to fall asleep. That could be a good thing, sleeping will for sure take your mind off your troubles. Although, it could be a bad thing as well. It would not be good if there is a lot you need to get done. While asleep your troubles are temporarily gone, but as soon as you wake, you may anxietize more because you fell asleep and didn't get done what you needed to. These techniques may be useful to those who just need to take a few minutes a day to get their minds off their everyday worries.
Although the book does not contain any graphs that would make some points a little more clear, it does a great job in giving bold subtitles. These subtitles make it easy to find topics. The index also makes it easy to find topics. On average each letter has about 15-20 listings, with an exception of those 'funny' letters like K, V, Y and Z. The index is a little less than 5 pages in length. The index is very simple to use. Like most indexes, it provides the page number for what ever topic you are looking for. The font is simple to read, it alsmost looks like the font you use for most academic papers, Times New Roman size 12.
The layout of this book, I think was clear. Except for the missing page numbers, here is what the table of context looks like:
Introduction
I included this in here just to give readers an idea of what we had to work with. For the most part the contents is pretty clear. You can easily see what deals with feeling better, the issues that are related to getting better and those that are related to staying better. Although part of the chapter titles repeat, for example look at numbers 4 and 7. They both deal with Thinking and Philosophizing Methods, however, they either have Feeling Better or Getting Better in front of it, making it distinguishable from each other.
I thought the titles of each chapter were good, they summarized, in a couple of words, what the chapter was about. The only change I would make would be for chapters 7, 8 and 9. If chapter 7 is going to say "Thinking and Philosophizing Methods," I don't think the following two chapters should be titles so similarly. I think they should have combined chapeter 7-9 into one. If that would be too long of a chapter, they should have a different title, just to make it a little more fun. At the same time, though, I do not know what else Ellis could have named the chapter, just because each chapter talks about several different things.
4. Critique of the Book
I liked this book for several reasons. For one, it was interesting, it discussed some things that I have seen other people do. For example, trying to be a perfect, having an absolutistic mindset and putting oneself down. In fact I tend to do all of these things at some point or another, however, not to an extreme. I also liked the fact that the book gave suggestions to solve some of these problems. The solutions were clear, especially since Ellis provided a lot of examples that are easy to relate to.
I especially enjoyed the section of Choosing Health Over Disturbance, chapter 16, page 242. Ellis lists some rational ways to think about choosing health over disturbance. Here are a few quotes from the chapter Final Wisdon on Feeling Better, Getting Better, and Staying Better.
Strengths and Weaknesses of the Book
This book had a lot of strengths and a few weaknesses. Let us start with it's strengths. The book is easy to follow along and understand. As I mentioned earlier, the examples make it so much easier to see how these techniques can be used in everyday life. This book may also be very helpful to those people who are just mildly distrubed at times and need a solution to help relax them. Ellis also chose really good topics to go over. He went through each stage of being better. He went through feeling better and some techniques that will help a person do so. Ellis then went into getting better and provided ways of doing so. Then he discussed staying better and again, he provided information and methods of staying better.
Although the book carries some useful messages, it also sends mixed messages. Many times throughout the book Ellis will contradict himself and say something opposite of what he previously said. Ellis also gives the negative side of things. For example he mentioned in the book how therapists can be such a great help. In the next paragraph he mentions how therapists can also be dangerous, for example if the therapist dislikes the patient, or if the patient falls in love with the therapist. This is debatable, giving these disadvantages could be helpful to some people, while it may scare others away from seeing a therapist.
The other weakness this book has, as I have mentioned earlier, is that this book will probably not help people who are seriously disturbed. This may be beneficial to people who are occasionally absolutistic and perfectionistic.
I learned quite a few things from this book. Although I don't find a whole lot of it to be useful to me. It was still an interesting book though. For example I didn't believe some of the things Ellis had to say about USA. I do not know one person who has undconditional self-acceptance. Personally, I would say I have conditional self-acceptance. I am happy and accept myself when I thinkI have done well, but at the same time I tend to blame myself when I do badly. Most people I know are CSA.
I also don't agree with Ellis' idea of unconditional other-acceptance (UOA). This says that you accept the sinners - but not their sins. This is one of those.. 'it depends.' It depends on the situation and the person that does the sin. So this would then make it conditional. For example, I would be lying if I said, I accept Osama bin Laden, but I do not accept what he did. UOA says that I would accpet the sinner because he is alive, human and unique. I do not accept Osama bin Laden because he did what he did. In this case it is conditional, based upon what he did.
However, it would be more unconditional if a child hit another child for no reason. You would accept the child, especially if he or she were your own, but you would not accept the behavior. Again, I do not know anyone who thinks this way, unconditionally.
I do suggest this book to someone who likes to read self-help books, or to someone who needs a little help. Overall, it is quite interesting. There are some contradictions in the book, as I mentioned earlier, but all-in-all the book has a lot of good points.
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