A Review of
Albert Ellis
Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying
Better:
Profound Self-Help Therapy for Your Emotions
Impact Publishers, 2001
By Lucy Yeh
December 12, 2002
1. The Book’s Overall Content
This book is
easy to read and outlined as self-help therapy to dealing with behaviors in
accordance with negative emotions. In the following, I’ll illustrate some major
topics in the book as to co-response with chapters and pages.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)
REBT is a cognition base to help people change from absolute
necessary to unnecessary thinking. In this way it moderates emotions
from rage, depression to irritation or disappointment. So that it leaves us
more room to think of other possibilities when in a difficult situation. REBT
is first introduced by Dr. Ellis in 1955. He states that “partly people choose
to upset themselves about events – and they can therefore refuse
to panic or depress themselves about them” (Intro, p.2).
“I think, so I feel; I feel, so I behave”. According to Dr. Ellis,
this is believed in modern philosophy thinkers like Alfred Korzybski. People disturb
themselves by things and by thinking, feeling, and acting on them (Ch.2, p.16).
ABC theory is its diagram of how people disturb themselves.
A.
Adversity
A mechanic replaces a fuel pump he honestly believed as
malfunctioning, but the car’s performance doesn’t improve. The customer is very
upset and demands that he put the old fuel pump back.
B.
Beliefs
“He’s just a grouch—nothing would please him.”
“Why the hell do I get all the tough jobs?”
“I ought to have figured this out by now.”
“I’m not much of a mechanic.”
C.
Consequences
Anger and resentment
Depression (Davis &Eshelman & McKay, Ch.12, p.108-109,
2000).
As result, REBT is to help people not just merely feeling better
but to take active role to getting better for themselves. Chapter 8 and 9 in
introducing Thinking and Philosophizing Method, REBT is used as problem solving
method to help figuring out specific beliefs with which to enhance negative
emotions. “Despite your unrealistic and illogical philosophizing and can
realistically and logically change it” (Ch.8, p107). In other words, REBT is
help to dispute irrational beliefs and perfectionizing such as I must, I
should, I ought….
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy is not restricted to one-on-one, one to group or
self-help. It can be exhibited in many forms. Basically, it’s inner-out type
that therapies would help you from cognitive points of view. This book is
qualified as a type of psychotherapy, and it first refers to its purpose and
goal: “The goals of effective psychotherapy and self-help approaches are
twofold: 1) to help you disturb yourself less and 2) to enable you to lead a
happier and more fulfilling life” (Ch.1, p3).
When we sick, we seek doctors. They will give us medicine to treat
on specific symptom like fever, cough, running nose, etc. When anxious,
depression, mood swings wind around ourselves, most people would think of
seeking psychotherapies. However, the success rate is not 100%. There’re
limitations and disadvantages: 1) therapy clients may become more disturbed, 2)
clients are so disturbed that they may misuse it, 3) it takes time, energy and
money, and that discourages (Ch.1, p.9).
To practice psychotherapy requires skill training. To take example
of REBT, “REBT has specialized in assertiveness training, communication
training, sex, and love relationship training, social skills training, and
various other kinds of skill training” (Ch.6, p82). All these skills were
essential to achieve so called “effective psychotherapy”. In addition,
commitment is important. Helpee has to decide whether they just want to feel
better? Or they seek long-term goal. The value is often mentioned in counseling
session; and for those who prefer self-help have to be clear the two
differences.
Irrational Believing-Emoting-Behaving (IB)
IB means irrational beliefs. It’s a kind of thinking that would
stuck you feel rage, insecure, suspicious, and block you from getting better.
In this book, it typically refers on “demands of absolutely
thinking” (Ch.2, p.19)
“I absolutely must perform well!”
“I absolutely must be treated fairly by others!”
“I must not find life’s conditions very hard!” (Ch.2, p.20)
The musts, shoulds, oughts are the key words.
It definitely causes stress and depression when we are working to achieve them.
Say it’s a condition: I must get an A in class or I’m a failure. First, you
will find yourself in a very stress situation. Then you find it’s hard to
maintain 5 courses as an international student (international student has to be
full-time student). You have to overcome problems caused by language barrier as
well as to maintain social life… As result, you are angry to professor because
he gave too many unfamiliar vocabulary on the test and you don’t have time to
check out on dictionary. Because of the idea of I must, you are easy to
disturb in any or even not worth mentioning event.
So what can you do about your self-disturbing beliefs? Dr. Ellis
provides a systematic work disputing IBs within the ABCs of REBT. The procedure
is arranged in proper sequence:
G
(Goal)— to do remarkably well in my graduate courses.
A
(Adversity)-“My course in History class is quite difficult, the professor gives
tough test.”
RB
(Rational Beliefs) – “I want to do well in class. I’d better work hard to do
this.”
C (Consequence:
Healthy Negative Feeling and Behaving)—Feelings of concern and determining to
study and do well in the course.
IB
(Irrational Beliefs) – “I absolutely must get a high mark in this class
or I’m disastrous!”
C
(Consequence: Unhealthy Negative Feelings and Behavings) – Panicking.
D
(Disputing of Irrational Beliefs) – “Why must I get a high mark in this
course? Where is it written that it will be disastrous if I don’t?”
E
(Effective New Beliefs) – “I obviously don’t have to get a high mark in
this course, though that would be highly preferable. A preference,
however, is not a necessity (Ch.7, p.89-90).
Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA)
Unconditional means no requirements. So USA is to accept yourself
at any time, any place under any conditions. For example, store manager caught
you stealing, and you still accept yourself of doing that. It may sound untrue,
unrealistic, but back to 2400 years ago “several ancient philosophers like
Gautama Buddha and Lao-Tzu have already hinted at it”. Moreover, Paul Tillich,
Carl Rogers and Dr. Ellis himself have ardently espoused it (Ch.2, p.13).
To Dr. Ellis, USA is the one of the main attitudes you will need to
prevent disturbing yourself and minimizes your disturbance. For example, store
manager caught you stealing, and you regretted of the crime and shamed yourself
thinking that you are a bad person and nobody would forgive you. So you feel
intense guilt, worthless and rage toward all the people, which you place
yourself into a hopeless position. Hence, in order to get yourself out of harsh
situation, USA is one of solid way to do that.
First of all, define yourself merely as a good person. There’re
many ancient philosophers such as Confucius and Mencius, who believed that
human beings were born in goodness. From Dr. Ellis, there’re three things give
to reader: 1) Tells yourself that you are alive, 2) You are human being, 3) You
are a unique individual (Ch.3, p.25). Then you can start working on to achieve
USA. In the following, there’re several ways to achieve it:
1) Decide that you are a unique individual,
2) To stay alive and be reasonable happy,
3) To function properly you must evaluate the things you do and not
do,
4) Do not give yourself a general rating,
5) Always say “what I did was good/bad”, but never say “I’m bad or
I’m good” (Ch.3, p.25-28).
Unconditional Other-Acceptance (UOA)
Similar with USA, UOA is to accept others with no prior
conditions. Refers to its initial definition in the book: “UOA implies that you
existentially choose to stay alive and to be reasonably happy, and you choose
to do so not as a hermit, but as an ongoing member of the human race who
inevitably interacts with other humans” (Ch.3, p.29). In other words, you
believe that we all make mistakes, and in order to avoid falling into
undesired/negative emotion, practicing UOA would help us out from sticking in
self-disturbing situations.
For instances, you choose to accept Osama Bin Laden because we all
part of member on earth. Dr. Ellis believes, it’s just like in unconditional
self-acceptance: we all make good deeds and bad deeds. “Your behavior isn’t
acceptable” doesn’t mean “you are a bad person”. Once you have failed in sin
doesn’t mean you are not a worthwhile person. You will see that other people,
we all are highly fallible because of “biology tendency, family and cultural
teaching, and history of reacting foolishly to tense conditions” (Ch.12,
p.202). Therefore, accept enemy or to anybody is the way to release yourself
from a dilemma.
As consequences, self-disturbing is easily created if we keep
angering, self-pitying, depressing, anxietizing toward other people. “Thus, if
you make them into “horrible people” because of their “abominable” deeds, you
often will make yourself rage at them, depress yourself about your conviction,
anxietize when expecting them to act badly, and self-pity about what they may
keep doing to you” (Ch.12, p.203). Therefore, practice UOA is actually benefit
to ourselves.
Using Cognitive
Distracting Technique—Yoga
Yoga is one of many ways of exhibiting Eastern philosophies.
Eastern philosophers such as Confucius, Buddha, Gandhi is typical symbolized as
to seek inner peace. By practicing yoga, physical patience turns all problems
and conflicts into another form of art. The concentration on physical duration
helps distracting undesirable problematic events.
Dr. Ellis first introduces yoga as thinking and philosophizing
methods at first stage of feeling better. “Yoga consists of gentle exercises
that require you to concentrate carefully on your movements and distract
yourself from your disturbing thoughts and feelings” (Ch.4, p.44). As mentioned
previously, self-disturbing comes from our perceptions and feelings, and
practicing yoga initially prevents you acting out. At a quiet, peaceful 20
minutes session, it has been reported that yoga exercise calms down your mind,
and enable to transform from rigidity to flexibility.
The advantages of yoga are continually repeated discussed.
Throughout the book, Dr. Ellis mentioned again and again as well as a type of
Behavioral and Activity Methods at Feeling Better stage III, and praises yoga
as an elegant method in staying better (Ch.6, p79-80; Ch.14, p.223).
As been discussed above, these topics are related to each other
throughout the book. You can see a progression and its importance that has been
mentioned repeatedly as I cited chapters and page number. In each topic, I
refer to them when first described and give support in the followed paragraphs.
I’m interested in REBT and its idea of irrational beliefs and the concept of
unconditional self-acceptance. At first I thought they are unrealistic and too ideally,
but I’m gradually convinced by the end of chapter.
In a way these topics are highly relevance to each other. If you
have a chance to read the book, you will find these ideas are comment about
every other chapters and are indicated as principles in dealing with each cases
in which has arisen. Since I have a little psychology background,
psychotherapy, irrational beliefs and yoga exercise are the familiar fields to
me. From other courses I’ve taken, these topics are widely discussed from
various perspectives. I’m happy to know there’s another way to interpret the
ideas and marvel that there’s such wide range in psychology field.
This book is easy to read and understandable. I think it will cause
interest to anyone who happen open the first page of the book. Also, people who
lack of self-confidence or who has been torment with great depression should
read this book especially those type A personalities. First of all, these
people typically can’t make decision on their own, or maybe they don’t want to
make decisions. They are dependent and like to rely on other people; maybe they
will get a sense of secure from them? Therefore, this book fits their needs and
guides them to start thinking rationally, and helps to build strength on their
own.
- The Book’s Importance
The
main typical problems in this book are dealing self-disturbing. As an example
of Joyce, whose husband suddenly left the house and leave her and her son
alone, “felt severely depressed, threatened to kill herself, and was
hospitalized for a month” (Ch.2, p.16). Moreover, Jules’s extreme demands
(Ch.7, p.88), and Tanya, who has trouble dating superior man, depressed about
her life (Ch.10, p.140) are all dealing with irrational beliefs. For all the
cases, Dr. Ellis introduced REBT to them, and works on ABC theory to disputing
irrational beliefs. To help them understand the negative irrational thinking
they were holding is essential. In the case of Tanya, cassette recorder is
recommended as assistance.
For
these topics have been discussed, each is related to public concern today
especially analyzed in psychology field. For example, unconditional
self-acceptance works well on establishing self-identity, and help developing
self-confidence. These are essential issues during adolescence. In addition,
unconditional other-acceptance is relevant to world peace as well as to enhance
relationship between nations. I think these messages are needed in our society
and should be discussed in psychology today; overall, peace pursuing is our
tendency, and we should work on from ourselves.
This
book mainly illustrates the prize of REBT. Based on Dr. Ellis’s personal
experience, it shows how its importance and benefit to exalt REBT to all the
people. In the book, these topics and ideas were brought out from psychological
point of view. Mainly his ideas are enhanced in psychotherapy from the
interaction with patients. I don’t think Dr. Ellis would apply them into other
subject.
In
accordance, there can be an improvement. For some part, Dr. Ellis doesn’t
answer the problem adequately. For instance, the diagram in illustrating why
people should take UOA is not given a fully thought on that. In the logical
disputing procedure, he said, “it’s logical to accept ourselves and others
because we’re born and reared to be fallible humans and are worthy to continue
our lives in such a manner” (Ch.9, p.135). However, it lacks reliability to
counter bounce of other points of view. “Why do we need to accept individual
who had done such damage on us? like Osama Bin Laden did. Because he is human
too?” I think this reason is too far-fetched.
As
my background of psychology major, I don’t think this book fits in as
psychology subject, and is more like to under philosophy manner. First of all,
it didn’t provide a scientific experiment to test his theory (otherwise it may
not sound so pushy J). Second,
the book is outlined from first person point of view that the style of
subjectivity fits in major philosophic books. Yet I think this book can be
viewed as a pioneer in leading psychophilosophy in the future.
- The Book’s Structure
The
book provides various exercises in different perspectives. From physiological
point of view, body relaxation can reduce over anxiety, and helps keeping bio-chemical
balancing. They are including yoga exercise, breathing exercise, meditation,
and progressive relaxation technique. From cognitive point of view, strategies
are designed to help thought stopping, refuting irrational ideas and enhance
the ability of worry control. These strategies are including Activity Homework,
imaging techniques, and multiple-chair role-playing.
I
chose breathing exercise and meditation as strategy to help me dealing with
anxiety in academic performance. I have to say that breathing exercise is
remarkly useful when you under great stress. Breathing is a necessity of life
that most people take for granted. To learn breath correctly; however,
can help calm down your body and brings enough oxygen to organs that promote a
healthier life. I use this method everytime before taking exams. There’re two
types of breathing patterns: 1) chest or thoracic breathing, 2) abdominal or
diaphragmatic breathing (Davis & Eshelman & McKay Ch.3, p.22, 2000).
Chest
or thoracic breathing of often associated with anxiety or other emotional
distress. Therefore, before taking exams, I tried to control the frequency of
breathing that tried to brings it down as less as possible. So, you will find
that it brings a lot of oxygen when you inhale, and you will feel your muscle
gradually release tension when you fully exhale. Give it 3-5 minutes
practicing, you will find that your body is relaxed and you are easily to fall
asleep.
I’ve
joined Meditation practicing with Dr. Tommerli. It was a 3-day-a-week meeting.
The place was set up in Japanese style located in Downtown near Queen Hospital.
Before starting meditation, we did some warm-up exercise like bend your knees
or stretch your shoulders and legs in order to 1) distracting thought, 2) relax
your body. Then, we need to put on belly belt to starting meditation. In this
case, you will know if you breathe correctly, and to protect chi in the
abdomen, which is believed that all the strength starts from here. The whole
procedure was novel to me. I learned to control breathing in specific rhythm,
which is believed to promote a healthy body, and also I discovered that it
helped me to concentrate more easily.
In
disputing irrational beliefs, I chose imaging techniques (Ch.8, p.119).
According to Dr. Ellis, to picture yourself in a very bad situation or to
predict a very sad up-coming event would give us better chance of success rate
in dealing with future events because we’ve prepared to cope with that
situation. I found it very helpful when used in romantic relationship. I’m an
inner-out person and tend to think negatively. Therefore, I often image of
situations in which I have to break up with my boyfriend. After thinking of all
over, I found myself more relax in front of him, and found myself more ease
after an argument.
I think this book is useful because it provides case study to illustrate the theories and ideas. There’s only one table in the book at page 121, which a little bit short that needs to be improved. There’s literature review, but not a typical review per se. Accordance with its development in the book, Dr. Ellis attached other thinker’s idea and review to support/co-response his won theories. The index is details in clear-cut view. Readers would know what this book is about by looking at the Index. In addition, it’s very nice that Dr. Ellis gave an endnote on reference section. Reader would know whom to turn to when they need to find other related topics.
The chapter titles look good. However, it’d be even better if Dr. Ellis could give more detail on the differences between feeling better, getting better, and staying better, and how its methods distinguished in between them. It’s kind of confusing to say that yoga as a thinking and philosophizing method at stage I in promoting feeling better, and as a behavior and activity method at stage II in staying better. Overall, the layout is understandable and the print is big enough to be read comfortable.
- Critique of the Book
I
enjoyed reading this book because it challenged my intellection. I’m very
interested in the concept of Unconditional Self-Acceptance. Here is the passage
I’d like to share and hope you reader would find agitative the way I felt.
“My
behavior is bad, but it is only a part of me, not the whole of me, and I have
the power to change it. While if I, my entire self, was bad, how could I
possibly change my poor behavior? I would be stuck with an essentially ‘bad
self.’ Such a ‘bad self’ obviously cannot change its parts, its poor
behaviors.” (Ch.3, p.28).
I
like this passage because it made me stop and think. I have to review and
review again to fathom what’s true meaning in the message. I realized of how many
work and effort to be done to come out a few words. It is not easy. I like this
passage because it enlighten me in one way that I feel appreciated and grateful
of such this work, and in other way to challenge my uncover abilities. I
learned to think comprehensively and critically especially learned a lot from
class discussion.
The
strength of this book is that you will find a lot of case studies to help
illustrating some difficult theories. Also, Dr. Ellis keeps focusing on his
main ideas throughout the book that I didn’t find at other handbooks. It helps
reader to read it more effectively. It’s like making a film; you got to have a
theme to goes through the whole story; if you miss it, you just waste money for
nothing. The weakness of this book is that it doesn’t provide much literature
reviews on con side of view, so it may lose some of its trueness and
practicality. In the following, I attached three reviews of this book, which I
got it from dogpile.com search engine.
News
and Views
http://www.division42.org/MembersArea/Nws_Views/articles/Reviews_Books
/feeling_better.html
This
review is by one of Dr. James’s student
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459s2002/aftershock/bookreview.html
This
review is by one of Dr. James student
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459s2002/frankychan/book%20review.htm
- Additional
Observations
I have strong doubt on the concept of
Unconditional Other Acceptance. I tried, and it’s hard to separate our
behaviors from our thinking. Dr. Ellis said that behaviors are only part of
self-identity, then I want to know ‘What Am I?” I think he leaves out without
answer.
