A Review of
Albert Ellis, Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better: Profound Self-Help Therapy for Your Emotions
Impact Publishers, 2001
By Kevin Ogata
12/11/02
1. The Book's Overall Content
Making this distinction is one of the first and most important things in Albert Ellis’ book, Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better: Profound Self-Help Therapy for Your Emotions. At first glance, distinguishing between the two may seem trivial and pointless. Ellis would probably disagree wholeheartedly with this statement. He believes that seeing the difference between the two processes helps one to be better overall and help any problems they might have. Ellis says that, “feeling better is important because you tend to function poorly when you feel bad, and you function better when you feel better” (Ch.1, p.3-4).
Feeling better is an important step to getting better, but it is not enough. Getting better is more important according to Ellis. It is a long-term solution to problems that you may be experiencing in life. Ellis says that getting better has eight components: feeling better, continuing to feel better, experiencing fewer disturbing symptoms, seldom making your distress reoccur, knowing how to reduce your distress when it reoccurs, using this knowledge effectively, being less likely to create disturbing reactions when new adversities occur in your life, and being less likely to miserablize yourself, even when unusually bad events arise (Ch.1, p.4).
Needless to say, getting better is much more difficult to achieve in comparison to feeling better. Essentially, you want look at feeling better as a short-term solution to any problems you have. You can use feeling better as a temporary “patch” but you can also use it to help facilitate getting better.
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a concept that Ellis created
himself. The theory basically states that we do not get disturbed just from the
bad things that happen to us; we also choose to needlessly upset ourselves about
these bad things (Ch.2, p.15). Luckily, we can also choose not to upset
ourselves about traumatic events, which is the essential idea Ellis puts forth
in this book.
According
to REBT, we actively create and uncreate these problems of worrying. REBT states
that the rational beliefs that we have about a situation can be positive.
Rational beliefs can help us cope with negative feelings and see a more
realistic, less negative view of a situation. It is the irrational belief that
we have that can be harmful. Beliefs like, “I am no good at all” or “I am
going to die if I don’t graduate” are examples of irrational beliefs. These
beliefs alter our perception of certain situations making them much worse than
they really are.
In essence, REBT is a psychotherapeutical system that emphasizes human
values are a prime source of disturbed or dysfunctional thoughts, feelings, and
actions (Ch.2, p22). REBT teaches that to get better, and not just feel better,
you must clearly recognize your self-defeating values and change them to more
self-enhancing values.
This topic is one of the ways in which we can help to reduce and prevent
the disturbing that we do to ourselves. Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA) is
fully accepting yourself, even if you do something badly and are not liked by
those around you. You accept yourself based on the fact that you are human,
alive, and a unique person. Simply put, your mere existence means that you are
OK.
Conditional Self-Acceptance (CSA) on the other hand is not as forgiving
as USA. In CSA, you accept yourself when you think that you have done well on
something and that other people approve of you. But you also tend to blame
yourself as a whole when you do not do well (Ch.3, p.24). This can be a very
negative effect, as your perception of failure may lead you to denigrate
yourself and feel worthless.
Obviously, USA is a much better approach than CSA. USA consists of your decision to accept yourself independent of how you do and independent of acceptance by others (Ch.3, p.24). You still end up rating yourself on how you do and how other like you, but you are not insistent on it. You do not let your own judgments or the judgments of others bring you down. The key here is that in USA, you always accept yourself even when you do not like some of your thought, feelings, or actions.
Ellis says
that, “you do not rate yourself, your being, or your personhood on the basis
of your standards. You merely accept yourself existentially because you choose
to do so (Ch.3, p24-25).
This topic covers one of many techniques Ellis talks about that can help
a person get better. Cognitive distracting techniques involve relieving your
tendency to be anxious and distress yourself. This is, for the most part, a
temporary solution. It can however be used repeatedly and can possibly become
habitual and have long-term effects. Since the techniques usually include
various emotional and behavioral aspects, they can lead to a person getting
better by feeling better.
One of the cognitive distracting techniques that Ellis suggests is
meditation. There are several ways to practice meditation. One way is to recite
a simple word like “peace” or focus on your breathing. By focusing while
meditating, you can eliminate any chance of worrying, depressing, or distressing
yourself. Meditation might also show you that there are alternatives to worrying
and distress that can lead you to get rid of your “musts”.
Yoga is another way to distract yourself from negativity. The exercises
that you have to do in yoga require a good amount of concentration on movement.
This can distract you from disturbing thoughts and feelings. The techniques in
yoga may also give you a sense of peace and serenity. Reflection upon these
feelings may lead you to what Ellis calls an “anti-awfulizing” attitude
(Ch.4, p. 44).
Ellis also lists everyday activities that might help a person relax.
Simple things like watching TV, listening to music, and even shopping can help a
person form worrying. As long as you are involved in them, they can divert your
attention and keep you from disturbing thoughts and feelings.
The
topic of religion is also discussed by Ellis as a way to feel better. If you
think about it, people have been turning to religion for answers and to find
solace. Various religious ideologies are similar to the teachings of proactive
attitudes, like Ellis’ methods of getting better. Following religious
teachings might help you to change, accept yourself and others, and develop
healthy ways to cope with distress.
Interestingly, Ellis believes that religion mainly serves its purpose in making a person feel better and not necessarily get better. Ellis has several reasons for this (Ch.5, p.62). One reason is that in religion, you have to depend on a force or deity, even though there is no way to prove it actually exists. If you do not get help in the way you want it to be, you can easily get disillusioned.
Another
reason is that proper mental health consists of confidence in yourself. If a
variable such as a god were to intervene, you may inadvertently weaken your
faith and confidence in yourself. Some religions have strict rules and codes of
conduct. This could restrain your freedom and is opposed to the ideas of
flexibility and democratic rules favored by individuals with good mental health.
Ellis believes that irrational beliefs are a key determinant of why we disturb and distress ourselves. This topic takes a look at how irrational beliefs, musts, and demands can hurt us. The section covering disputing irrational beliefs (Ch.7, p.88-92) covers a step-by-step process of recognizing, evaluating, and changing irrational beliefs. The process itself is quite long and time consuming.
The first
part of disputing involves recognition and it starts by looking at a goal that
wants to be accomplished. Then any adversity is looked at that may block
achieving that goal. Ellis then looks at a rational belief in the situation,
like “If I want an A in this class, I need to study hard”. The consequence
of that belief is then examined. Next, the irrational belief is confronted and
taken into account. This belief usually reflects some kind of must or demand of
a person. The consequence of this irrational belief is also looked at.
The second part of the process involves disputing the belief itself. You
can dispute the irrational belief by asking yourself if the situation is really
as bad as I think it is. Then you can devise a new belief, one that is more
realistic, rational, and not as negative. This process can allow you to change
an irrational belief that you might have. By creating a more effective, rational
belief, you will not disturb yourself as much and be able to achieve your goal
with a positive attitude.
We all try to be perfect at the things we do. Whether it is getting a
good grade on a test or being good at athletics, we all want to be the best.
Ellis states that this need for perfection can contribute to our
self-disturbing. More often than not, perfectionism does not work. We cannot be
perfect at everything and we cannot sustain perfection. We are imperfect by
nature and the thought of perfection can be unrealistic.
However,
Ellis does not say we cannot try to be perfect. Here is where he makes the
distinction between desire and absolutely demanding (Ch.8, p.103). It is when we
start to absolutely demand perfection that we start to experience more distress
and self-disturbing. We place unrealistic expectations on ourselves that are
bound to have negative outcomes when we demand. Instead Ellis says we should
desire to be perfect. Look at perfection as a possible goal and not an endpoint.
By desiring, you can give yourself a goal to reach and not be tied down by any
mistakes that occur along the way, as you are not perfect.
The book does have a progression in the topics it covers. Like most books, it starts with a general introduction to what the subject matter of the book is. In this particular case, Ellis starts the book off with distinguishing between feeling better and getting better, a concept that is repeated throughout the book. This helps to create a solid foundation for the book. He then goes in to describing his REBT. This is also important as it helps to explain why we have a tendency to have irrational beliefs and negative attitudes.
After the introduction, the bulk of the book focuses on ways to feel better and
get better. I think Ellis does a good job in explaining feeling better first. He
lets readers know that feeling better is a means to getting better and not a
complete solution in itself. The latter half of the book details various ways
that people can get better. It is good that there is an emphasis on this,
getting better is the essential goal of the book.
I have to say that the
techniques for getting better were interesting. Self help is something that I
think appeals to most people, as it can be kept personal and done without
assistance. Some of the concepts, like disputing you irrational beliefs, seem
very simplistic but also has some major implications to the person using the
technique. Some of Ellis’ other ideas like stopping catastrophizing and
awfulizing are also interesting. It is amazing that some people are able to
change their entire perception of life just by altering the way they think and
what they believe in.
The concepts are also relevant in the sense that the techniques and ideas
proposed by Ellis could actually help people who need it. The techniques are
simple enough that most people can attempt to change the way they deal with
negative situations.
These topics were not very
familiar to me before I read this book. I have heard that meditation can reduce
stress, but I have never heard of many of the techniques listed by Ellis.
Concepts like REBT were brand new to me. I had no idea what it was until I read
this book. Some of Ellis’ other ideas, like catastrophzing and awfulizing were
things that were unfamiliar. The book itself covers a lot of Ellis’ own ideas,
so I guess if I have not heard of him before, I would not know about these
ideas.
This book and more specifically
the techniques within it should be of interest to most people. We all want to
get rid of excess worrying and change the way we perceive negative events in our
life. The everyday person has troubles and negativity in their life, and reading
a book like this might help them deal with their problems.
Anyone who is looking for ideas
to deal with excess stress, anxiety, or self-disturbing should read this book.
The techniques, while not the easiest to do, offer insight into why we
self-disturb and cause ourselves more trouble. Changing the way you deal with
problems in your life can benefit you greatly. Less worrying can reduce health
problems like high blood pressure and give you a better attitude overall. I
think that anyone who has a high stress job will benefit from reading this book.
Simple techniques like changing the way you word a sentence can affect your
train of thought and provide you with relief of the hassles of everyday life.
2. The Book's Importance
The main and essentially only problem the book discusses is self-disturbing. The book is built around this concept and the fact that we do it. Ellis states that not only do we get disturbed from various negative things that happen to us in our lives; we also choose to get upset about these events. We basically get upset at things because we decide to. This problem can lead to other more serious problems like mental disorders and physiological problems.
In addition to this problem, we have a tendency to demand too much of
ourselves. We constantly tell ourselves that we must succeed and that people
must treat us nicely. It is beliefs like these that create distress and can lead
to self-disturbance. Ellis’ idea of “musts” creates problems for us as we
begin to demand too much from other people as well as ourselves. This leads to
formations of unrealistic expectations and feelings of distress when these
expectations are not met.
Irrational beliefs can be extremely detrimental to our lives. Irrational
beliefs are just that, beliefs that are overexaggerated and unreal. Beliefs
like, “I am worthless if I am not smart” are very irrational. These types of
thoughts and feelings can be destructive and overly demanding. Irrational
beliefs are also unrealistic and are usually negative in content. Most people
that are self-disturbing have several irrational beliefs, which can no doubt be
problematic and difficult to deal with.
The solutions to these problems can be found throughout the book. The book itself explains the many different techniques to deal with these problems in each chapter. As the book’s main topics are techniques of feeling better and getting better, finding a solution is easy. One can look at REBT as a way to reduce the self-disturbing we do to ourselves. By following the ideas behind REBT, we can shift our perception of distress in our lives and improve the way we cope and view negativity.
Other more
easily accomplished techniques are also available. Practicing breathing
exercises can also help (Ch.6, p.70). By doing something as simple as focusing
on your breathing, you can divert your attention away for thoughts and feelings
that may be bothering you.
Distracting techniques like preoccupying yourself with a hobby or a sport
can also reduce self-disturbing and bring about getting better. This is done by
giving yourself something else to focus on besides the bad things in life. It
prevents you from ruminating, can temporarily make you feel better, and
subsequently lead to getting better as a whole.
The topics in the book are relevant to the public as it provides ways for
people to deal with their emotional problems on their own. The book teaches its
readers ways of recognizing, confronting, and changing their patterns of
self-disturbing. For some people, admitting that they are disturbing themselves
is difficult to do and is somewhat embarrassing. This book gives people the
opportunity to deal with their problems in private. This not only can make an
already difficult situation a little more comfortable, it might also facilitate
better results.
More importantly, most people go thorough times where they disturb
themselves excessively. People do it at work, at school, and even in their
families. This book can give people a way of solving their problems without
making a big deal about it. By learning the techniques and applying them, they
can change their way of thinking and living.
The
book’s relevance to the field of psychology is a little harder to determine.
Obviously it has some implications to psychotherapy and studies of emotion.
Perhaps this book is the start of a new branch of psychotherapy, a “do it
yourself” approach. The book does emphasize that the techniques are internally
based. Granted there are dangers to administering psychotherapy if not
qualified, but what if people could learn to do it without external help. People
may not have as many problems as Ellis states they do.
I think that the message the
book gives is needed in both society and psychology. People with self-disturbing
problems need to now that there are things that can help them. That alone is a
step that needs to be taken in order to get better. Not only do they need to
know that they can do something, they need to know that change comes from
within. Realization that the self often creates distress will make them see that
if a problem is created internally, it can also be changed in the same manner.
In regards to psychology, people within the field should be aware that
there is a possible new method of psychotherapy and counseling. Psychologists
can apply the techniques of Ellis to treat patients and show them that their
problems can be solved. It is important to recognize Ellis’ ideas as it can
contribute to psychology. The last thing we want to do is dismiss an idea that
is potentially beneficial to people around the world. If we did not know about
an idea or were deprived of it, we would not be able to help anyone.
One of the concerns the book
addresses is the consequences of not changing “musts”, self-disturbing, and
demanding too much. All of these negative processes can lead to more distress
and depression. Not changing your perception and way of thought can lead you to
a vicious cycle of external and internal distress. Getting stuck in this
self-destructive pattern will only lead to negative outcomes in life.
Breaking the cycle is key and luckily, Ellis has a numerous array of
choices in which to do so. As I stated before, the book focuses on ways of
getting better. His techniques provide simple, yet effective ways to combat our
self-disturbing and maladaptive attitudes. Just looking at the list of ways to
defeat our negative perceptions builds confidence that one can overcome our
cycle of self-disturbing.
As Ellis is a psychotherapist,
the logical and commonsense place for this book is in the realm of
psychotherapy. The book discusses ways of changing from the inside through
alteration of thought, feeling, and perception. Many of the techniques listed
are can be considered a process to which one can get better rather than a quick
fix like a drug.
3.
The Book’s Structure
Feeling
Better, Getting Better, Staying Better
has a numerous amount of exercises for readers. In essence, all of the
techniques for feeling better and getting better are exercises that you can do.
One of the exercises in the book is called Jacobson’s Progressive Relaxation
Technique. This exercise requires the participant to focus on relaxing all their
muscles, from top to bottom. You have to focus on relaxing until your whole body
is relaxed. The more you focus on relaxing your muscles, the less you will be
able to focus on worrisome, distressing, and troublesome thoughts.
Another exercise that is quite common is meditation. This exercise
involves focusing on some sort of mantra that you can repeat to yourself. Again
by focusing on something other than your negative thoughts, you will eliminate
the chance of depressing or disturbing yourself.
A more interactive exercise is discussed in Chapter 8. This exercise
involves writing about your feelings or experiences as a way to relieve
self-disturbing. According to Ellis, writing some of the detail of your present
or past feelings may help you to release these feelings, help you feel better,
and help you bring up emotions that you have yet to deal with (Ch.8, p.120).
There is also a form in Chapter 8 that you can follow and write down your
feelings (p.121).
There are no tests in the book that allow you to see your level of
self-disturbing. The book tries to focus on how to get better and does not look
at how to measure how serious your problem might be. Perhaps this is something
that Ellis can consider in a second edition.
I did Jacobson’s Progressive Relaxation Technique and found it to be very,
well, relaxing. By focusing on relaxation, it is hard for other thoughts to
enter you mind. It is similar to meditation in this respect. You just slowly go
down your body, telling various parts to relax until your whole body feels
relaxed. After a while, you begin to feel really relaxed and at peace. I learned
that this technique is pretty good when it comes to relieving stress and worry.
It is not too difficult to do; all it takes is a little focus and dedication.
Meditation is something that I am relatively familiar with. I actually
had to do meditation exercises for another class, so doing this exercise was
quite easy for me. I think meditation is one of the easiest things to do. All
you have to do is focus on a word or a phrase. When I did the exercise, I tried
some of the suggestions in the book and found many of them to work well. Again,
the main thing here is diverting attention away from depressing thoughts. This
can reduce stress that you might be feeling. By the time I finished meditation,
I felt relaxed and less stressed. I think that this is one of the better
exercises the book offers.
The writing exercise was not as successful for me as the other two. I
particularly did not like the form that the book provides. I found it cumbersome
and somewhat hard to follow. I think that keeping a simple journal would have
the same effect. The problem with writing out your problems is that you make
your problems something tangible that you can see for yourself. If you write it
out, you can see the problem and this might lead to more worrying. I learned
that this exercise is not particularly beneficial for me and I probably will not
use it later.
The exercises, in general, are
good for exactly what the book says its good for: feeling better and getting
better. The techniques in the book are in the book so readers can see the
various ways they can get rid of self-disturbing and solve their problems. As in
my case, some exercises will work better than other depending on the person, but
they can help. A simple thing like taking ten minutes to meditate can lessen the
worrying in a person’s life. Even if they do not do it on a constant basis, as
long as it helps them to get better, that is what really matters.
Surprisingly,
there are no tables or diagrams in the book. I would have expected a few tables,
perhaps explaining some of the more involved techniques, but there are none. The
closest thing to a diagram is the writing exercise form that I just went over.
Calling that a diagram is questionable though.
The book does contain a
literature review. It is not in any specific area; instead the review tends to
occur when the topic is introduced. The reviews are mainly restricted to the
works of other people that Ellis discusses in the book. For instance, when Ellis
talks about overgeneralizing and absolutistic thinking, he reviews the work of
Alfred Korzybski (Ch.8, p.109). Short reviews like this occur throughout the
book and help to explain the concepts and ideas that are put forth.
Ellis has a reference section,
but it is consists of selected references. Apparently, Ellis lists some of the
works of other authors he cites in his book, but he does not list all of the
contributors. This was surprising as I thought that you are supposed to cite
works from every piece of work that is not yours. Ellis surprisingly does not do
this.
The chapter titles are relatively basic. After the first three chapters, they are essentially titled the same way. They all start with feeling better, getting better, or staying better. They serve their purpose, but they could have been more creative. For instance, Chapter 5, instead of being titled, Feeling Better III: Emotive, Evocative, and Experiential Methods, it could have been titled, Feeling Better Through Self-Approval, Religion, and Spiritual Beliefs. This gives the chapter a little more character and describes it in more detail.
The layout is easy to follow
and easy understand. Each section within the chapter has its own title, so
finding a specific topic is easy to do. The print is normal size, the same size
font as most of the papers I have to type. This makes it easy to read and not
straining on the eyes like some of the other books I have read.
4. Critique of the Book
I thought that the techniques in the book were the most enjoyable aspect. Everyone has problems with their emotions from time to time and Ellis provides ways to help. Some of the exercises are simple enough so that you do not need a background in psychology to do them. Something as easy as writing down your problems or distracting yourself from your worries can reduce the amount of distress you experience in life.
I particularly like the quote from the philosopher Epictetus who states, “People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them” (Ch.2, p.16). This simple, yet meaningful saying is basically what this book is all about. By altering our perceptions, we can get rid of excess worrying and stop self-disturbing.
Ellis’ constant optimism is also reassuring for readers. As readers
progress, they may find that the exercises of some of the concepts are difficult
for them to do. They may even consider giving up if they are unable to
understand the concepts. Ellis pushes those who want to change and helps them by
reinforcing them to continue. Ellis says in regards to achieving high
frustration tolerating:
“If
you work hard at achieving it, and push you ass hard enough in the right
direction, you can get a good measure of it. All you have to do is solidly
convince yourself and steadily keep convincing yourself that I never need what I
want. I only prefer it, albeit sometimes strongly, but even life itself is not a
necessity. Only very desirable, especially if I have HFT!” (Ch.12, p.206)
This
strong reinforcing helps those who might waver and quit before accomplishing
anything. It keeps readers interested and motivated to conquer their problems
and come out a better person.
I learned a lot from the
techniques that Ellis lists as possible solutions to self-disturbing. I have
found many to be relaxing and stress relieving. Doing exercises like this allows
me to manage my levels of stress and keep my emotions in check. Now I do not
think that Ellis’ ideas are a “super pill” that can solve all emotional
problems, but it is certainly a good place to start.
Though this is arguable, one of the main strengths of this book it is repetitiveness. While some people may think that repeating information is just a way to fill up space, it can serve a more productive purpose.
Ellis’ repetition of concepts
and techniques makes sure that readers remember the ways to stop
self-disturbing. If he just mentioned REBT in the first chapter and never talked
about it again, would you remember it? I know I would not. And as I stated
before, he reinforces readers throughout the process of changing you thoughts
and feelings. Sometimes it may seem a little overboard and excessive, but it
serves the purpose of keeping you in the same state of mind so that this problem
can be beaten.
The main weakness with this book is its simplicity. Ellis makes some of the exercises simple and easy to do. However, there are techniques that are written up to look simplistic, but really are quite complicated. Changing your entire thought process is not something that can be altered just by reading a book. It requires a lot of practice and application in real life situations. Ellis makes it seem like you can have a spontaneous shift in perception that will lead to less disturbing.
In a sense, it may give more naïve
readers a false sense of hope. They may begin to think that changes in their
life will occur overnight. This is definitely not the case. The book implies
that change is possible, but it rarely states that is it hard to do. I think
that Ellis needs to address this, especially in the techniques for getting
better.
While searching the Internet, I
came across a few other reviews of this book. Like mine, they analyze the
various components that make up Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying
Better. Here are the links:
This
is a review by Carolyn Johnson
http://www.anxietysupport.org/cc19menu.htm
This
review is by Sally Horwatt
http://www.division42.org/MembersArea/Nws_Views/articles/Reviews_Books/feeling_better.html
Here
is a review by one of Dr. James’ former students
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459s2002/aftershock/bookreview.html
5.
Additional Observations
I would like Ellis to include
some way to measure how much we are self-disturbing, distressing,
catastrophizing, and awfulizing our lives. If there was a way to measure these
items, readers can determine more specifically what they need to do to change.
Maybe a self-report of some kind will be sufficient to measure the negative
qualities. A person that has a low level of self-disturbing could use a less
involved method of treatment like using distracting techniques and not need a
intense exercise. Perhaps by taking a measure of distress, a mid-level person
might find that using REBT is the best way for them to overcome the problem.
Also, if a person finds that they have extreme amounts of distress, they
may need more professional help. A serious case may be made worse by
administering self-help by a person who is already in a negative situation.