Impact Publishers Inc., 2001
By Pinkie
December 12, 2002
1) The
Book’s Overall Content
The book’s principal idea involves how
irrational beliefs depress a person, making them think that they are not good
enough (ch. 7, pp. 88-93). Irrational
beliefs alter a person’s reality, block them from achieving their goals, and
cause them to become upset and evaluate themselves negatively. Some extreme irrational beliefs involve shoulds,
oughts, and musts. An
example is if Jane says, “ I must get an A on this test or I will be
very upset.” This is irrational because
there are some factors that can influence how well she performs on the
test. What if the teacher makes it very
hard? Or what if she gets nervous while taking it so she can’t focus very
well? She needs to understand that
failing the test is not the end of the world.
One way to evolve toward being more
optimistic involves disputing irrational beliefs. You can do this by thinking realistically, logically, and
practically (ch. 9, p. 132). Realistic
thinking is based on using facts to determine whether your beliefs are actually
valid. Logical thinking is when your
preferring and demanding are in concurrence with your assumptions about
them. Practical thinking evaluates the
costs and benefits to determine whether your philosophies are healthy or
not. Once you realize and eliminate the
thoughts that conflict with the three ways of thinking, you can begin to live a
better life.
An important concept discussed in the
book was the ABCs of REBT (ch. 2, pp.
16-19). It provides a means of
understanding how a person’s perception of an event can influence their
reaction to it. “A” represents the adversity, in other words,
the problem that the person encounters.
“B” is the belief the
person has about the problem. Finally,
“C” stands for the consequence
that occurs as a result of the two previously discussed parts. For example, let’s say that Joe is upset,
depressed, and thinks he is dumb because he got an F on his math test.
A
= getting an F on his math test
B = thinking he is dumb C
= A x B
(Consequence is the product of
C
= he is upset and depressed Adversity
and Belief)
An element of the ABCs of REBT that is mentioned throughout the
book is the B (belief) portion, also
known as Believing-Emoting-Behaving (BEB) (ch.2, pp. 17-18). BEB incorporates both emotions and behavior
because emotions play a huge part in influencing a person’s behavior. If I use the previous example, Joe’s belief
that he is dumb will influence not only his emotions (he is upset and
depressed), but also his behavior (he might give up trying to work hard because
he feels his situation is hopeless).
This infers that emotions and behavior are connected in some way.
Conditional Self-Accepting (CSA) is
described as a concept that we create which allows us to accept ourselves only
when we perform well and are approved by others (ch. 2, pp. 14-15). This is something that we should not accept
because there are very few times (if any) that we can have both of these
things. The implication of that is we
would rarely feel that we are good enough or worthy because of those high
expectations. Holding these beliefs
would probably lead to negative ideas about oneself since no one is
perfect—everyone is bound to make mistakes.
On the other hand, Unconditional
Self-Accepting (USA) is something that Ellis stressed throughout the book (ch.
2, p. 29). This involves accepting
yourself no matter what! You
should view yourself as a good person even though you do not perform as well as
you expected because you prefer that you succeed, you don’t demand
it. By using this type of thinking, you
are bound to be a more positive person because you do not depress yourself
whenever you fail to achieve your goals.
This opposes the CSA belief because the person accepts him or herself,
faults and all.
Once USA is achieved, Unconditional
Other-Accepting (UOA) will be likely to follow (ch. 12, pp. 202-204). UOA involves accepting others because they
are human and bound to make mistakes.
By doing this, you will depress yourself less when they do something
that you think is bad because you accept them for who they are. The absence of anger and irritation allows
you to help the person move on the path toward change. Unconditionally accepting others may
positively influence them to do the same to others, and even change their
ways!
High Frustration Tolerance (HFT)
beliefs are rational because they are primarily flexible and not extremely
exaggerated (ch. 3, p. 33). They are
consistent with reality since they involve preference, not demanding. It will help the person take action if the
event is found to be negative and in need of change, and it will help the
person make a healthy adjustment if the situation cannot be changed. These beliefs are what every person should
attempt to achieve because it sets goals that are attainable, and even if they
are not acquired, it is not a problem.
In contrast to that idea, there is
also Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT), which are irrational beliefs because they
are blown way out of proportion (ch. 3, p. 33). Negative thoughts are taken to the extreme as the person
experiences feeling like they will disintegrate or never come into contact with
happiness again. These thoughts are
inconsistent with reality; they hinder a person’s ability to take action
against the negative event, and will prevent them from making a healthy
adjustment if the situation cannot be changed.
These topics are related because they
all discuss irrational beliefs and how to change them into healthier, rational
beliefs. Throughout the book many of
these ideas are repeated, but as the book goes along they are described in more
detail. These topics are interesting
because they shed light to some common irrational beliefs that we all are
guilty of having every once in a while.
They could be applied to your every day life because they help you
recognize problems as rational or irrational so you can determine whether you
should keep or discard your belief.
The names of the topics I mentioned
were not very familiar, however, their concepts were. I’m well aware of some of the irrational beliefs because I know
that everyone experiences them every now and then, but the difference is how we
handle those beliefs. This book would
be of interest to anyone who is or knows someone who is having trouble dealing
with his or her extremely high expectations.
I think it would be good for adolescents or adults because the wording
is a little more complicated and they are more likely to have conflicts that
are discussed in the book.
2) The
Book’s Importance
Chapter
7 describes a situation involving Jules, a 27-year-old graduate student in
English literature. His irrational
beliefs cause him to panic whenever he thinks he will get an okay grade. He often becomes angry with Dr. Smith for
giving him a hard time with his thesis, and he becomes depressed when his
school changes some course requirements and lowers his scholarship
stipends. To solve Jules’ problem, Dr.
Ellis teaches him how to dispute his dysfunctional beliefs and develop an
effective new philosophy. He disputes
his beliefs by questioning his irrational beliefs realistically, logically, and
practically.
In
chapter 8, there is a story about a woman named Martha who is very depressed
after her teacher treats her unfairly, makes the paper difficult for her, and
gives her a C for that class. However,
after reading about a group of holocaust survivors who were determined not to
depress themselves (allowing them to lead reasonably happy lives), her
depression turns into disappointment.
The survivors serve as models for Martha who reevaluates her
circumstances and realizes that she is making her situation worse than it
really is. Getting a C in her class is
not the end of the world, she just has to work harder next time and have
confidence that she can do better.
The
major topics I mention in the first section are relevant because it provides an
awareness of the irrational beliefs that many of us hold. With that knowledge, we can change those
beliefs into rational ones, which can help us live a more pleasurable
life. Many suicides and suicide
attempts arise from the fact that people feel that they are not good enough and
they also feel helpless because they cannot find a way out of their
problems. This is a problem that we can
deal with—there is hope!
The
topics are an important part of the field of Psychology because it deals with
our thinking and how we can transform our thoughts so that we will not expect
success all the time. This new rational
thinking will help us cope with our failures and realize that they are not
really failures if we learn from them.
This message is desperately needed in our society because presently,
there is such a great level of competition all around us. Sometimes it even goes to the extreme and
feels like it is “survival of the fittest.”
Everyone fights for jobs, classes, and money, which can occasionally get
out of hand.
There
is so much pressure on everyone to be the best and if you are not, then you
might lose out on something important.
When I was in high school, I remembered my teacher telling us, “There
are two people in life—the quick and the dead.” I really am starting to understand that because if you are not
fast enough, you will let an opportunity slip through your fingers. I think this message is important because it
allows us to realize that success is not the only thing in life. There are other things like being happy,
healthy, and at peace with others.
The
ideas of awfulizing and overgeneralizing addressed throughout the book are
answered adequately because Ellis gives a lot of immediate and long-term
solutions that you can use. It is up to
you to find which one works best for your unique situation and coping
style. It is difficult to come up with
solutions that can be applied to everyone because we are all very different, so
I think Ellis did a pretty good job describing many various solutions. This book fits into many aspects of
Psychology (cognitive, behavioral, clinical, social, etc.) because it involves
your thoughts, emotions, actions, and interactions with the world around you.
3) The
Book’s Structure
The book has various exercises, however no tests are presented. Some exercises include relaxation, exercise, hobbies, meditation, yoga, and writing down your past/present feelings. Most of these examples are methods that help you feel better, but writing down your feelings may also help you get better!
Relaxation, exercise, and hobbies serve as cognitive distractions, which take your mind off everything in your life that’s stressing you out. Relaxation allows you to calm down and get rejuvenated, exercise improves your health, and hobbies are fun and keep you busy. They all have different things that are valuable to everyone in their own way. One downside to using cognitive distractions is it could cause you to lose focus on dealing with the problems directly, so these types of exercises are only temporary solutions that can help you tackle the real problem at hand.
I tried the relaxation technique and found that it really helps! Just taking a few minutes to stop and think of nothing is such a relief! Some days at work I don’t get a break, and I notice that I feel a lot more stressed out and tired. However, if I get a break, I am more likely to work harder, feel comfortable, and even lose track of time. I have always been playing tennis on Mondays, and I find that it helps me relieve stress because I get to run around, get my adrenaline flowing, and pound at the balls! I have hobbies like Hula and Japanese dance, which I find to be helpful since they allow me to do something that I really enjoy and do not have to worry about studying for. I can just have a great time.
One method of meditation involves focusing on your breathing, only your breathing, nothing else. I tried doing this when I had my Japanese dance performance. I was nervous about as we waited offstage until the other class finished, so I took deep breaths and just focused on that, while my classmates continued practicing the motions to the song. This was very effective because I knew the dance very well, and had no reason to worry about it. Focusing on my breathing allowed me to take my mind off how nervous I was and how cold my hands were. It relieved all the tension that was filled within my body.
Yoga is an exercise that involves “gentle, relaxing movements, which demand steady concentration.” At least that’s how the book describes it. I, on the other hand, disagree with that statement. I tried doing Yoga for Abs, but I found it to be very difficult. The man on the videotape made us hold various poses, which really worked the abs, but for one thing, I could not hold it as long as him, and for another thing, my muscles tensed because I had to struggle to keep up! It was not very relaxing for me. I guess if I did it often enough it would be easier to do, but I was not very motivated after a couple of tries. I learned that it’s definitely not as easy as it looks!
Writing down your feelings is a great way to let all your thoughts and frustrations out. I used to keep a diary in which I would write all my ideas, emotions, and feelings. It really helped me because I could write whatever I wanted to say when I did not feel like talking about it. I treated it just as if I was writing it to someone, and this was very effective since it allowed me to evaluate what I was thinking and see if it was really worth worrying about. Now, I have a book that I write to my cousin (which we take turns writing in every week), so it is a little bit different, but I still ask her questions and she answers back. I think it is good to talk about your problems because then you can deal with it and hopefully resolve it.
This part of the book is useful because it gives great examples of ways to quickly take your mind off anything that’s stressing you, so that you can go back to it later with a clearer mind. It is not good to try and deal with a problem when you are angry or upset because there is a greater chance that you will not be able to handle it as effectively. Those negative emotions can cloud your thinking and cause you to make a bad decision that you may regret later on. The best thing to do is wait until you have thoroughly thought things through before confronting your problems.
There are no tables, but there was one diagram in the book that illustrated an REBT Self-help Form. If you fill out that form, you will be able to analyze your irrational beliefs in a structured manner, and figure out how to change them to healthier beliefs. I could not find a literature review within the book, but I managed to find the bibliography, end notes (Ellis called it “Final Wisdom”), and an index. The index was not that detailed, but it did cover the main points and was very easy to use.
I approve of most of the Chapter titles, however I thought of a few of my own that described the chapter in more detail. Chapter 3 is called Feeling Better and Getting Better, and I thought up a new name: Stop Self-Defeating and Start Self-Accepting. Chapter 8 is called Getting Better II: More Thinking and Philosophizing Methods, so I decided to change it to Getting Better II: Controlling Catastrophizing and Awfulizing. Chapter 9 is called Getting Better III: Still More Thinking and Philosophizing, but I thought it was similar to the previous chapter’s title so I thought of another name: Getting Better III: Changing Demands to Preferences.
The book goes progressively through the ideas of feeling better, getting better, and staying better, so it is easy to follow along and understand how they differed. The print is bigger than usual, so I find myself reading it with ease. I like it better than the small print that I can barely read without straining my eyes. I also like how the chapters are pretty short so I do not get bored while reading it. The change in topic from one chapter to the next makes it more interesting because there is always a new topic coming up soon.
4) Critique
of the Book
I enjoyed reading this book because it teaches people how to be strong and realize that adversities do not have to always be perceived in a negative way. For example Bob had an affair and was leaving Joyce but instead of becoming depressed, she could think, “It’s too bad that Bob does not want me any more, but Todd and I can live happily without him.” She could encourage herself by saying, “If that’s the unacceptable way Bob behaves, Todd and I are much better off without him! Good!” They described a situation that could happen realistically, and the person was able to handle it well, so it teaches us to do the same through modeling.
I
learned that many times we hold irrational beliefs because we expect perfection
from ourselves, but that’s virtually impossible. Luckily, there are ways that we can solve these problems and turn
those irrational beliefs into healthier, rational beliefs. We must all learn to accept the fact that we
will not succeed at everything, but that’s all right. We are only human, not superhuman. Making mistakes is a part of life, we just need to learn from our
mistakes and strive to improve.
The strengths of this book are how it
places an emphasis on certain points throughout the book. Ideas like Conditional Self-Acceptance,
REBT, Unconditional Self-Acceptance, Unconditional Other-Acceptance, High
Frustration Tolerance, Low Frustration Tolerance, and Irrational Beliefs were
constantly being brought up again and again in order to stress their
importance. In chapter 1, Ellis says,
“If you focus only on the first goal of therapy—minimizing your disturbing—you
may find that achieving it is more complicated than it at first appears.” Disputing the irrational beliefs are the
main points of Ellis’ book, and he explains many ways to determine whether you
are holding those beliefs when you should not.
A weakness of the book is how he
stresses the importance of Unconditional Self-Acceptance. Ellis says, “You may like or dislike what
you do, but you always accept yourself even when you do not like some of
your thinking, feeling, and acting.” I
do not understand how you can accept yourself if you are always doing bad
things. Would you just accept yourself
as a bad person? If you are doing bad
things on purpose, then I do not see how you can accept it. What does Ellis mean by accepting
yourself? Does he mean that you are
okay with the bad things that you are doing?
I think a person who does terrible things should accept him/herself as
long as they are making a serious effort to change their ways and become a
better person.
I found other reviews of this book on
the Web. Feel free to take a look at
them by clicking on the links below:
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/459s2002/aftershock/bookreview.html#intro
http://www.anxietysupport.org/cc19menu.htm
http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/LEONj/459s2002/frankychan/book%20review.htm
5) Additional
Observations
Ellis talks about how everyone should have Unconditional Self-Acceptance and Unconditional Other-Acceptance, but is there a case when this should not be applied? For example, what if the person is bad, knows he’s bad, and refuses to change because he does not care? Should that person be accepted? I think USA and UOA should be used when the person knows that they are wrong and seriously wants to change their ways. If there is someone who refuses to become a moral person, I do not think I would be able to accept him or her. If I accept them, I would feel like I’m accepting their bad behavior too.