Being A Driving Buddy:

What It's Like

Introduction:
Why YOU need a Driving Buddy

You, your mom, and the cute family dog, Mimi, are off to the supermarket. Halfway there, you look over to your mom and Mimi, what do you see?

A) Mom is calm, collect, and enjoying the scenery. Mimi is sticking her head out the window, panting excitedly.
B) Mom looks like she's about to have a heart attack, and is holding on to dear life to the door handle. Her foot is constantly stomping on the floor as if there was a brake there. Mimi is whining and looks carsick in the first five minutes of your driving.

If you picked B, in the words of Cher Horowitz from the movie Clueless, "You are screaming for a makeover." A driving makeover that is! Why do >>>I<<< need a driving makeover? That was my friend's response when I asked him assist me with on this project. Many of you may not realize it, but your passengers should not be holding onto the door for dear life, you are not supposed to cuss at every other driver. Most of all, Mimi is not trying to ice skate back and forth, back there on the leather seats.

When Mimi is throwing up in your backseat, that is when you know your driving habits need some fine tuning, and you've come to the right place for it. My project will be performed on someone that represents the high risk category for insurance companies. You may find some of him in you.

Let's discuss a little bit about driving. Not many of us are aware, but driving affects three aspects of our thinking. The Affective Domain, Cognitive Domain, and Sensorimotor Domain. And you thought driving was simple. It's not just getting behind the wheel and stepping on the pedal, it involves a lot of thought processing, and the execution of your Automatic Self. Your affective domain controls your will, motivation, and feelings. These include your processing, intentions, and desires. Your cognitive domain are your thoughts, knowledge, and reasoning. Your sensorimotor domain targets your actions, activities, and any type of movements.

Now let's talk about the makeover. All you need is a driver's license, a car, and an open mind. Ready for your driving makeover? Take the driver's seat and let's go! Before we go, remember to put on your seatbelt.

Driving Buddy and Makeover Searching

Before we start, let us take a look at the past generations and their observations and findings. You will find them at Dr. James' Site Index on Being a Driving Buddy and Personality Makeovers.

Many of the past generations have also done performed this project with great success. What many have learned is to look back on themselves during the makeover. Not only is the makeover for their driver, but for themselves as well. Driving makeovers are perfect for everyone, good or avid drivers. Everyone needs some tweaking in their driving personalities.

But, how do you teach an old dog new tricks, as the saying goes. That's the hard part Dr. James believes that when we drive, it's not >>>Me<<< that's doing the driving, but something called the Automatic Self. You have driven so much, and performed this task so frequently your mind is able to do other things while you drive. I've noticed this happens to me a lot. I'm driving home, and I reach home before I know it. I look back and wonder where how I drove home, and can't remember even turning down my own street. Suddenly ended up at my house, the last thing I remember is leaving Ala Moana Shopping Center. My automatic self performed the driving. This makeover is aimed at the automatic self, or the old dog, and changing our bad habits. Bad habits are hard to break, and good habits are hard to make.

Driving Buddy

How do we help to create the perfect driver? Or just a good driver? It's not easy, many of the past generations have tried, some have succeeded and some have failed. Jennifer Kaneshiro believes everyone has a single goal in traffic psychology. This is to become the self-actualized and facilitative driver. One of the ways to reach this goal is to do a driving personality makeover. And so starts our journey to be a good driving buddy, and help our fellow drivers. Kristy Kato admits that being a driving buddy is not like being a backseat driver. Backseat drivers give negative attitudes, and your driving buddy or personal coach, conveys information about your driving positively. Chris Murakami agrees and adds that a driving makeover is a life long process which will require continual attention and reinforcement. This driving personality makeover is only two days, but hopefully the lesson we learn from this will carry with us forever. Probably a conscience, with your driving buddy's voice will sit on your shoulder one day while you speed down H1. Then have we truly understood how much your driving buddy has affected you.

Makeover

We do makeovers because we want to better ourselves. It's not necessarily a negative thing, but we do it for a positive outcome. This makeover hopes to revamp a person's driving behavior, and make it more acceptable. Makeovers are for anyone and everyone of us. But, what do makeovers really do? They may change something physical, or just a behavior. As for driving personality makeovers we focus on our behaviors. Curtis Nakao believes behaviors are based on factors of our life that we can control and cannot control. The driving buddy project works on the aspects of our life that we can control and should control. Besides, change is good and can make you a better person, in turn making you a happier person. The way you drive may affect your self-esteem and how you perceive yourself, says Brian Yucoco. But where do these unwanted behaviors come from? Shane Akagi thinks we imitate other drivers, probably the ones we ride with most, as well as react to some of their behaviors.

Job and Goal

Driving Buddy's Job

As your driving buddy, I will spend two days with you while you drive. I will be observing your driving behaviors and make a note of any behaviors that need to be changed. Such behaviors as speeding, tailgating, rapid lane switching, etc. On the second day I will attempt to change these behaviors. The goal of this exercise is to have you drive the way I want you to drive by the end of the exercise.

Driver's Job

As the driver, you will drive as if I am not sitting next to you. Think your thoughts aloud, so I am able to enter your mind, as if I become you. Drive the way you normally would, not conscious of me taking notes. On the second day, I will make the necessary changes to correct any "bad habits" you have acquired.

Driving Buddy's Goal

My goal as your driving buddy is to try to change any "socially unacceptable" driving habits. As law abiding drivers, your driving should reflect "safe" courteous driving. As for your makeover, I will make changes as needed. I will try to take you away from the idea that when you're in a car, you have to be aggressive to maintain a spot on the road. We have learned that many drivers feel a sense of "territory" on the road, and that you must be aggressive to keep it. I will attempt to suppress that sense of territoriality, to prove to you that we have to share the road, and no one person owns it. This makeover is for everyone, even I have learned to make changes in my driving habits. I have noticed that generally smaller people seem to be more territorial. Perhaps when they are in the car, they become equal to others. Your height plays no role anymore, but your car size does. Car size and makes of a car are very important to us, as drivers. They give us status and power. Big trucks seem to have the right of way because they are bigger and have the potential to smash our little cars. Luxury cars exert a sense of power on the road, especially the one with bigger rims. Power struggle and power trips are very apparent on the roads, and this contributes to our sense of territoriality.

Driver's Goal

Your goal as a driver is to take everything I say with a grain of salt. You will probably deny my observations, maybe even justify. You need to get away from this, and see that I am only trying to help you and give you a makeover. That will not only increase safety for you, but for your fellow drivers. You may not be conscious of your driving habits, but as a neutral party I will, and will try to point them out to you. Whether you listen or not is up to you. My aim is to try to provide you with a view of yourself from a neutral party.

A Little Bit About the Driving and I

Driver

Name: Alona
Occupation: High School Senior
Age: 17
Car Make/Model: 1992 BMW 325i 4-door

I felt Alona would be a good subject because he has just received his license about 6 months ago, and is the classic "young delinquent driver," that many of us categorize him as.

Driving Buddy

Name: Wil
Occupation: College Junior
Age: 20
I have driven for a number of years and know first-hand about bad driving habits, because I had a lot of them. Over the years I have been able to fix most of them, and hopefully by the end of this class, I will have been able to fix all of them.

Day 1

Speeding

In a BMW, speeding comes very naturally in this spirited car, and Alona made good use of it. His lead foot constantly put him 10 to 15 miles per hour over the speed limit. On the freeway, I noticed we never slipped below 55 and went as fast as 70 miles per hour. The speed limit is 50 in this state, and the minimum on the freeway is 40. As we drove to the North Shore he would unconsciously speed on the two-way streets when no car was nearby. Exceeding the speed limit by 10 miles per hour.

Tailgating

Another one of his unconscious driving habits is tailgating. His tailgating habit is a bit unusual. He only tailgates when he's at a stop light or when turning. While driving on straight-aways he will not. During turns his car is "riding the bumper of the car" in front of him. After the turn, the distance between both cars will increase. At stop lights, he stops very close to the car ahead of him, leaving approximately about a foot between the cars. I call that close.

Red Lights

We all know red lights are a nuisance when you are trying to get somewhere quickly. When the light was yellow and turning red, Alona would accelerate the car. His engine roared as he tried to beat the yellow light. On our way to the North Shore, we rushed past two yellow lights.

Lane Changing

When lane changing, he quickly switches lanes, almost jerking the car. He signals, but only lets it blink once or twice. He is also constantly lane changing, trying to get ahead of everyone else, He weaves and out each lane. This happens most on the freeway.

Acceleration/ Stopping

Alona likes to "redline", or accelerate quickly, from a stoplight. The car roars to life, and springs forward, jolting the passenger backwards. On freeway onramps, he will redline, so that he is able to get onto the freeway faster. When I asked him why he did that, he responded, "So I can be on the freeway at 50 mph and not at 20, creating a driving hazard."

When he finally decides to stop at the red light, instead of rushing past it, he stops at the last possible moment, and jerks the passengers forward. Sometimes things on the backseat fall to the floor when he brakes hard and suddenly. I kept in mind that the car had slippery leather seats.

Observation

Alona seemed to be in a rush to get to all of his destinations. He would weave in and out of lanes, tailgate, and accelerate quickly as if they would get him to the place in less time. When he did not approve of someone else's driving he would voice his opinion, and call the driver names. I did notice he did enjoy driving, especially since it was a BMW, and would test the limits of the car. When he thought he was "challenged" on the road, he would not back down and take the challenge. I found that he would get into a lot of contests since he was a 17 year old boy, in a luxury car. Alona enjoyed the status and power the car gave him.

Day 1 Report Card

Safety: Attention to the road; attention to pedestrians; attention to passengers

Minding the Law: Were there any laws broken? If so, how many?

Driving Ability: Handling, and smoothness of the car due to driving

Day 2

Speeding

After the first day we had no more problem with speeding. Amazing? For all those BMW owners out there, you're lucky. If you have the trip computer, you have a function in there that will alert you as soon as you past the specified speed. We programmed the computer for 55, feeling that was a safe, and normal speed on the freeway. When the car went past that speed, the computer would beep and alert Alona. Hearing it, he would slow down. This trained him to watch the speedometer and to maintain the 55 limit. Trust me, the constant beeping can be a pain. Classical conditioning as we psychologist say!

Tailgating

Alona did not think tailgating was a problem, until I decided to use another car to show him. I parked my car and asked him to pretend we were at a stoplight. I asked him to drive up to my car and stop at the place he would normally stop. When he did, I asked him to get out of the car and look at the space between the two cars. He was amazed to find out it was a small distance. He realized how small the distance was and how he would be "boxed" in if another car was to hit him from behind. Damage would be greater since there was less room between the cars. That taught him a lesson, and he was conscious about his tailgating after that.

Red lights

Running yellow lights was a problem and I had a difficult time trying to fix it. He felt that it was an acceptable habit. He did not find it to be dangerous, until I reminded him of an incident that had happened to my brother. He ran a yellow light at an intersection while another car was coming across the intersection, just in time for the light to turn green. My brother had not finished crossing the intersection, and was speeding, as well as being intoxicated. His big Ford truck collided with my brother's Honda Civic, sending the car spinning and hitting a nearby wall two times. My facial expressions were very ghostly and glum, and I think the story shook him up, because it scared all of us. After that story, he would come to a stoplight cautiously and slowly.

Lane Changing

Alona had not noticed he would constantly be lane changing until I brought it up. He promised to mind that habit, and on more than one occasion, he did. He noticed that after awhile it didn't make much of a difference which lane he was in. At most he would get there a few minutes ahead of the other person that did not change lanes constantly. Knowing that lane changing, especially at high speeds was dangerous, he felt that saving a few minutes of his day was not worth losing his life.

Acceleration/ Stopping

Alona and I both noticed he had a very significant gas bill. I told him I was not surprised since he would accelerate hard from stops which eats a lot of gas. If that didn't convince him, I told him to look at the tachometer, and when he accelerated and did, he noticed that the revolutions would hit 4000. I told him that wasn't part of normal driving. If that was not enough, then just listen to the roar of the engine. That was not normal either. It was exceptionally loud. He noticed too, after a stop, that he was always the car in the lead. He decided that he did not need to accelerate that quickly, and accelerated as fast as the next car did.

Observation

There were significant differences between Day 1 and Day 2. The first day was a constant competition between all the drivers. He felt like he was always in a rush, and needed to save as much time as possible, mostly on the road. This was obvious because he had 3 pairs of shoes, textbooks, a backpack, and clothes in the backseat. Apparently, he also changed in the car.

The second day he had a lax but attentive attitude towards driving. I told him maybe time management was his problem and he should work on that as well. Leaving earlier will give you more time, and then he would not feel the need to speed. That was his justification for speeding. It looked very hard to change, even though he had only been a driver for 6 months. His ways and habits were set. I asked him where he learned how to drive, and he said from his parents. I know his father has a speeding problem, and is very aggressive when driving.

Day 2 Report Card

Resistance

A driver will not change unless they want to change. Usually that takes a life-altering experience, a horrible accident, or even a ticket. It is no wonder that the driver would resist, because they have no desire of changing their set ways. Alona displayed a lot of resistance on day 2 because he felt that his driving needed no change. He showed a lot of defensiveness each time I made a comment. First, he would object, and say I was too critical, but when I reminded him it was my project, he hesitated, and finally complied. His tone was very harsh, and cold. When trying to correct the habit, he would do more than what was needed to be done. For example, when I told him to take turns slower, he would slow the car excessively to make a point.

We tried to correct quite a few bad habits, and in the debriefing it was difficult. I showed him my comments, and he thought I judged him wrongly. Most of all, he did not feel many of the problems I mentioned were problems. On top of that he felt I was targeting him, and not anyone else. He told me, "If I have to change, everyone else has to change too." He did not like the fact that he drove the way I instructed him. He was afraid he might be considered a wimp, not aggressive enough, and causing him to be bullied on the road. His cooperation level was low, and remained low throughout the session until it was towards the end. He broke down and tried to do what I told him to do. There was not much reward to, since he was not thanked when he yielded to people, and would run into the red light, because he did not want to pass the car that was turning left.

It's hard for many of us to comprehend that our driving affects everyone on the road, including your passengers. Attacking Alona's driving skills, was an act of attack at his ego as well. He has always thought of himself as a good driver. Then along comes this person with only a few more years of experience, telling him how to drive. Any human would act defensively, deny, be hostile to the driving buddy, and resist change. Change is scary for many, and status quo is our safety net. If nothing changes, then we are not caught off guard, and do not need to be in constant fear of being taken by surprise.

I asked myself why he was so resistant to my comments and came to a conclusion. I think one of the underlying reasons was because he felt I was being hypocritical. I am not the best driver and he felt that I had no right to tell him how to drive, when I drove just as bad as he did. I tried to convince him to not look at me as me, but as a neutral person. It was hard, and there was some friction that developed. Till this day, when I comment on his driving, we get into arguments, and he feels I have no right to backseat drive.

At all his acts of defense I tried to put myself in his shoes, and tried to receive the comments I gave. Knowing that I have a fragile ego myself, I tried to employ as much tact as possible when phrasing my comments. My tone of voice was gentle, and friendly. I reminded him to keep in mind that this was just a project, and nothing personal. He understood that, and the rest of the driving session went well.

The whole driving makeover made me feel like I was a traffic cop, and out to pounce on him. He did not appreciate that, nor did I. At one point, he was close to stopping the car, and refusing to drive anymore. Every minute I would be correcting something or another. Our relationship as good friends was probably the only thing that kept this makeover going. If it was anyone else, then he would have refused to participate from the first five minutes.

Recommendations
for the Future Generations

Be very sensitive to the situation because it is very delicate. Phrase your comments, as if you were on the receiving end, and make sure to smile. As friends, your criticism means a lot more than any strangers would. No one likes to be criticized, and you have to take that into consideration. Pick a driver that is close to you, one that is willing to be subjected to strong constructive criticism. Be sure to remind them that it is nothing personal.

The main message is, that both you and they are trying to make this world a better place for us, starting with the roads. It is our duty as human beings to respect each and every driver, and be courteous. It's hard to sometimes, when they cut you off, or give you dirty looks, but teach them to shrug it off. I always tell my friends, "You're wasting all your valuable energy to be mad, when you could use that energy doing something else." They have to agree with me on that, and then forget why they were even mad. Besides, being mad won't get you anywhere faster. It is just a matter of perception. Perception that you get to your destination faster, and even a perception that someone cuts you off on purpose. I usually make the joke, "What makes you think you're so special, that they cut you off intentionally?"

Epilogue

After reading this makeover, let's ask the question again..

You, your mom, and the cute family dog, Mimi, are off to the supermarket. Halfway there, you look over to your mom and Fluffy, what do you see?

A) Mom is calm, collect, and enjoying the scenery. Mimi is sticking her head out the window, panting excitedly.
B) Mom looks like she's about to have a heart attack, and is holding on to dear life to the door handle. Her foot is constantly stomping on the floor as if there was a brake there. Mimi is whining and looks carsick in the first five minutes of your driving.

The appropriate answer now should be A. If it is, you are on the road to safer driving, and on behalf of the human race, we thank you for taking an interest in road and highway safety. It's not easy, but it starts somewhere, and where better than yourself.

I started this assignment hoping I could be the driver and get my own driving buddy. It did not turn out that way and I may go ahead and do that now. I feel this is an excellent assignment for yourself because you cannot go around criticizing people, when you have the same faults. What's more? No one is perfect, and I am sure that everyone needs some type of fine tuning. If not your driving, maybe your ego ; ).

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