jamesy69 03

This is Part5

jamesy69 03/29/00 10:28 PM
OC: SWR #10 - G13

To me I find it hard to develop relationships with other drivers because it is so impersonal. It's not like we can talk to them like we do with our neighbors because the incounter is so brief. Since each driver is so unique, we have to treat each driver differently which can be very time consuming and difficult. I guess if we could show some compassions towards others we could create a environment in which everyone could feel safe and secure. I just hope that the compassion I show to others will be given to me when I drive.

ry409 03/28/00 10:15 AM
RE: SWR #10 - G13 (My OC # 10)

I'm glad to see that these TEE cards are having some affect on the way people are feeing and thinking when they drive. It was nice to read your experience with taking a step back and a second look at a driver and their situation before making some kind of judgement on them. I think that the tourist example that was written about is a perfect on to give. I mean consider where we are living, the vacation capitol of America. All of us are bound to come across tourist at several points in our driving lives if we haven't done so several times already. It would be wise to take your very enlightented view about certain drivers on the road. Because we are all tourist trying to get somewhere or another at some point in our lives. Besides it's nothing to get angry over, and it is not something that we want to shorten our lives over.

jamesy69 03/28/00 8:30 PM
RC: SWR #10 - G13

I had a similar experience where the driver in front of me was driving really slow, causing me and other drivers behind me to slow down. At first I was frustrated because this individual did not seem to care that he was holding up traffic. Then I began to think whether this individual might have been lost or just new to this area. It seemed silly for me to be angry because I have done exactly the same thing, many times before. I know now that I have to be considerate of others, even when they drive poorly because each driver experiences different issues and problems when they drive. By doing this, I know that I am creating a safer environment for myself and others.

ShaunnaM 04/18/00 2:07 PM
RC# 10

After reading this SWR I thought back to all the times I thought another driver was stupid or trying to piss me off, and realized if I my assumptions were different, I might have made my own drive more enjoyable. I think this type of behavior can be modified to make for better and safer drivers, if people would stop making negative assumptions of other drivers, the road would be a much safer place to be.

allianic 03/22/00 8:02 PM
OC #10 - G13

I think that people who do not think about why drivers sometimes drive the way they do should have to take classes and learn to put themselves in situations like that. Like maybe the class would have them simulate driving while they have three screaming kids in the car. And they could put the drivers in various situations like that to help them understand just what it is like to drive with distractions. I think that this would definitely help people have compassion for other drivers instead of being irritated and upset about it.

faylogna 03/24/00 3:40 PM
SWR#10: ANGER CONTROL

This exercise have contribute a lot for me. It have opened new ideas, such as viewing the highway as community/neighborhood, and have recalled old ideas that needs improvement, such as why drivers are driving the way they are. The tee-cards have make me deeply think back to the type of person I really am. I am happy with most of the things I see within, however, there are few things that I am not happy about and would like to improve on.

First, I know that overall I have the patience and understanding when it comes to dealing with others. I try to understand why they are the way they are or why they behave/think the way they think. If I can't understand why they may behave/think that way, then I try asking them to explain and make me understand, which will be difficult and impossible in driving. Because, we are on the go and constantly moving on the highway, I can't ask the other driver to pull over and explain to me. All I can do is to reason out why the other driver is driving the way he is (ie. driver is inexperienced, have a physical disability, or just had a bad day at work) and assume that's the reason. I try to give the other driver a break which to me is the smartest thing to do than to get angry.

Second, I can easily empathize with others. I always carry with me the philosophy of putting myself in the others person's shoes and hoping that if ever I am in same situation others will be able to emphasize with me and help me out. I think that having empathy for other drivers will go a long way when trying to better understand other drivers.

I like to improve on my way of handling with my anger. I have the tendency to just yell at a someone who have accuse of something at an instant. I don't think before I act. I don't consider what may come out of my mouth and actions that I may do. I just negatively act and not think of the consequence. Therefore, I'll try to implement the breathing trick and pep talk.

I like the fact tee=card #55C2 suggested that we should think of our highway as a "moving neighborhood," where the drivers around us are not enemies and competitors, but are neighbors and fellow citizens like ourselves. I think this notice portrays a much friendlier and warmer driving environment to be in. It just changes everythings that I have always thought before.

faylogna 03/24/00 4:18 PM
OC#10: ITS OVER!

Yes, it is over. I'm pretty happy that I am on the last exercise, however, I am also sad that this is our last. I'm happy, because I have less to worry about for this class and more time to work on our web page reports. I am sad for the fact that just when I am starting to enjoy participating on this forum discussions it have to end. It have been a fun and very educational experience for me.

In addition, I like the fact that Dr. Driving have asked us to end our discussions on "Anger Control". It seems that this exercise correlates with all the things we have done before (techniques, ten driving offenses, and etc.) I think the message behind it is if you did not learn anything from the previous exercise then as least gain to have the positive outlook on other drivings and have a better control on anger.

blinking 03/25/00 6:03 PM
RC #10

I do believe we've made it! Is is kind of appropriate that we end with an anger control TEE...that is the whole topic of our class. I assume that to control our own anger will lead to a better driving experience for both our passengers and those around us. I think this last exercise is an excellent way to sum up alot of our TEE strategies in a nice convenient way of remembering them.

kelamuch 04/28/00 2:28 AM
RC 10

I for one am extremely happy to be completing these exercises. I am a little concerned that I will revert to my old driving habbits and become aggressive towards others, but hopefully I will be able to remember all that Dr. James has taught us about safe driving.

iyang 03/24/00 9:20 PM
SWR #8

This is a terrible story and definitely a road rage case. There are many things that could have prevented this disaster to happen. For example, if the first driver chose not to drive because he had been drinking, it would have not happened. Or, if the second driver just went on his way after getting the license number, he didn’t have to confront the first driver who was probably still drunk. Or, if they both were not carring weapons in their cars….Many things could have stopped the accident, but obviously they didn’t see those options because of their inability to control their emotions. It is scary to hear that this kind of accidents happened hundreds of times this year.

kelamuch 04/28/00 2:56 AM
OC 8

I hate to say it, but it seems like more and more people are resorting to violence. I for one never go further than bitching to the person in the car with me. I may get really nasty and swear a lot, but I would never physically assault another person. I'm not so sure about other people though. For instance one of my friends is the worst driver yet he constantly assumes its always the other driver's fault. He gets angry with them and then comments "See this is why I don't carry a gun in the car." While I'm pretty sure this is a joke, its still scary to think about. I mean other people may take that feeling and actually act upon it rather than simply making it into a bad joke.

iyang 03/24/00 9:17 PM
SWR #7

I know it myself that I sometimes yell or verbalize my anger while on the road. I don’t directly shout at other drivers, but it is more like I’m talking to myself. Dr. Driving said that driving habits are transmitted from generation to generation. I think he is right. I was in the car with my mother yesterday. While she was driving, this one car in front of us suddenly made a right turn without signaling. I was amazed to see how my mother reacted to it because it was the reaction I would usually do in sort of similar situations. She raised her voice and complained about the driver for about 5minutes. I don’t blame my mother for my driving habit of yelling but it was an interesting experience.

blinking 03/25/00 12:19 PM
SWR #10

The final TEE card....I will miss It. anyway, getting to the point...I think that this last TEE card is very insightful and true. Everytime we see another driver, we interact with them. As long as we are on the road together, there will be some form of interaction. I have seen at least one example of each type of driver on the list, and I have been very critical of their driving. I did not really take the time out to try and view things from their perspective or have compassion for them until I tried modifying my behavior throught this class. I arrogantly assumed that every one else should be at the same level of driving as I was if they were on the road. Now, I try to be a bit more compassionate and understanding and patient, and make everyone else's driving experience (passengers and other motorists) pleasant.

kelamuch 04/28/00 2:36 AM
RC # 10

I have to say that I agree with you. I almost never stop to think about the other person's situation or emotional state. I will try to remember to do that from now on -- I think it will be a huge factor in controlling my aggression. In fact I think that I could probably use this technique in all aspects of social interaction -- especially with my boyfriend!!!

blinking 03/25/00 6:06 PM
OC #10

This maybe the last time that I enter anything in this post....I would just like to say that it has been a great experience getting feed back and learning that I am not the only one out there on the roads with some sort of stress. I found that this posting gave me a chance to directly observe some of the detrimental attitudes that I possess and an outlet to modify them for the better. I hope we all walked away from this better people.

Hatsumi 03/26/00 3:25 PM
SWR #9

Okay, I don't really watch television, so that's why it's taken me so long to write this one. I go to the movies and I rent anime. It took two or three weeks before I actually encountered something with driving since the anime I watch is usually the type with no vehicles other than horses or mythical flying creatures. On top of that, I refuse to watch television just to watch people driving stupidly and all that. I think that TV is an insult to a person's intelligence and I'm too busy to find that insult acceptable in my daily life. And the movies I've been going to haven't had any driving. Finally, though, on Friday night I went to see "Wonderboys," and fortunately for me and this class, a lot of the movie took place in a car. In fact, the car was one of the important parts of the story in a rather roundabout way. And it is PERFECT for talking about drivers behaving badly.

Michael Douglas(s?) is the main character, who's a writer and university professor. He's writing a book that's not going anywhere and he has blackouts probably due to some incredible stress or something. First of all, when he's driving, whether alone or with a passenger, he's almost always smoking a joint. He spends most of the movie stoned out of his mind. So, there's an example of DUI in a movie. Second, when he's driving and he's got someone in the passenger seat, he's usually talking a lot. (Pot does that, I think. Make you talkative.) But instead of keeping his eyes on the road and talking, he feels the need to make eye contact on a regular basis, thus taking his already bad, chemically altered attention away from the road.

Those are the two main things that he does while in a car. (I won't even go into the fact that he's got a dead dog in the trunk!) It was a very good movie, however, but that's not related to his poor driving. Needless to say, he does not portray a good role model for driving in this movie, but in what movie can we find someone who is?

kelamuch 04/28/00 2:33 AM
RC 9

I can't say that I've seen the movie, but from your description it doesn't sound like that is a great portrayal of safe driving. I find that when I'm a passenger I make it a point not to make eye contact during conversations, in fact I don't even turn my head in the driver's direction. Some people probably find it rude, but I don't want to encourage the driver to take his attention away from the road. I also hope that people realize this when I'm driving and don't expect me to make eye contact with them because I won't.

Hatsumi 03/26/00 3:49 PM
OC #9

Television and children go hand in hand. Let's face it. Sometimes, if you really need to get the laundry done or dinner cooked, the best way to keep your kids out from under you is by plopping them down in front of the tube. (Yes, I know TVs aren't using tubes anymore, but it's a term I grew up with.) It's a frustrating thing, dealing with the kinds of things that are broadcast on the airwaves. Bad driving and violence are horrible things and we see them all the time on TV. Well, I'm assuming we do from what everyone else says. I don't watch TV. I'd rather read a book, thank you very much. What upsets me is that people want to censor television more than it already is, believing that this will decrease violence in children today. Although this might work enough to change statistics, it's not going to get at the root of the problem. Parents should be in charge of their children, not the other way around. Parents don't communicate with their kids the same way that my parents communicated with me. As parents, we don't have the time to devote to making sure our children understand what's really going on in the world. They watch TV and we let them. We don't question them about what they think or what they've learned. Parents have a duty to be responsible. It's not the responsibility of the networks to parent our children. We should parent our own children.

shanen 03/28/00 12:00 AM
SWR #10

I think that the ability to distinguish between mistake and insult, we will be able to take a more positive point of view of our fellow drivers. I often get angry at people on the road thinking that they are trying to harm me. But yet I never try to harm someone else on the road. My thinking is flawed. I never try to insult or harm people, yet people must get mad at me if I did something by mistake.I've been trying to let people in and saying thank you when they do the same. I think that by having a good relationship with others on the road will make it a better place to be socially. We may never want to be stuck in hours of traffic but if people treat each other well then it may not be a bad place to be socially. We may all appreciate the fact that no one wants to be here but we are and we might as well make the most of it.

shanen 03/28/00 12:15 AM
OC #10

I was just wondering if anyone has seen drastic improvements in their driving. I've been trying to implement all these little ideas to make myself better and have seen some improvement. However I dont think that it is that big. There is still room for huge improvement!

Guerra 03/28/00 11:29 PM
OC #10

I feel that I have improved greatly in my driving. Even when I'm in a rush and I want to speed to get somewhere. I don't cut people off or tail them anymore, I just speed in my own lane. Then cut when I can. I feel that this class has really made a difference to me. The only problem is that I don't think of the anger techniques when I really need them. Maybe when they get those computers with internet in cars, I can just view some Dr. Driving pages. Who knows the internet is getting pretty huge.

shanen 03/29/00 10:55 PM
RC: OC #10

I think that web based information like maps,cautionary messages and weather reports will be helpful in cars, but to have a computer screen and the entire internet may be too distracting. Voice activation may help in the future but that needs to be perfected.

LDwiggins 03/30/00 10:04 AM
(RC #10)

Shanen:

I have noticed drastic improvements to my emotions while driving. I wrote about it in my SWR #10. I found that since taking this course and participating in the TEE exercises I am more aware of how I feel. As soon as I feel myself get irritated (while driving), I stop and question why I feel the way I do and then question am I justified in feeling it. This course has made me look at myself and see the error of my ways.

I don't think you should be looking for "drastic" changes. Any change away from the negative is a great change! We all have room for improvement because we are not perfect. Remember "baby steps" :). You wrote that you see some improvement in yourself. This is a step in the right direction. Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself for not seeing "drastic" changes.

allianic 03/28/00 8:22 PM
SWR #11 - G13

Since I wrote about all ten tee cards, I guess that I will just write about some things that I notice while driving. I am currently home, on Kauai. And I noticed that people here do not know how to drive. Many people speed and drive recklessly. And a lot of people don't use their turn signals. I find myself getting very upset about driving here. But when I thought about it a little, I figured that people here probably drive like that because they have never really had to drive well. IT is so laid back here that most people just drive however they want. I guess that it is just the environment that makes the people here drive the way they do. I think that before I moved to Oahu for school, I drove like how the people on Kauai drive. But since I have been on Oahu, I notice that my driving is really different. I am much more careful and I am much more considerate of other drivers. Probably because there are so many more drivers on Oahu and if you happen to make certain ones mad, they will definitely let you know it. People on Kauai are scared to even honk their horns sometimes. I guess that the environmetn you drive in really makes a difference.

Guerra 03/28/00 11:27 PM
RC #10

Hmm, I found that post to be very interesting. The only other place that I have been to since I got my liscense was Mississippi. And the drivers their really suck Sh*t!! My friends and I wanted to cross the road because they don't seem to have many crosswalks. You have to walk half a mile to find one. Anyways, we had to watch for cars then run as fast as we can to get across a four lane street. The cars there would never stop or even slow down. I honestly thought that if I was in there way they would not even try to slow down till the last minute, if at all.

At least people are nicer in Kauai and don't beep their horns. The people in Mississippi were very rude all around. No offense. But, even when it came to manners they didn't have much. Oh well, guess that's how it is in different environments.

Oh btw, I've heard of that stupid get money $$$$ scheme from that other post before. Yes, you can make money. But, that's only if alot of people sign up under you. It's basically a pyramid scheme. So I wouldn't really bother to try it. Who knows though, maybe someone will get a bunch of people to sign up and make some dough?

Guerra 03/28/00 11:39 PM
SWR #10

I for one am glad that these postings are over. I just am lazy to type alot. But, I really do enjoy doing this. I think I would be pretty inclined to continue these postings just to have something to do while I use the internet. Especially since I use the internet for about four hours everyday. Pretty psycho yeah! Oh well, on to this swr.

I like this TEE card because it says to think of the driving community as a virtual community. This sort of relates to one of my posts where I felt that when I go walking everyone is nice and says hi. Whereas noone says hi when you are driving. My grandmother used to say that when she first got a car, there were almost no cars. So she used to just cruise along and drivers would never get in her way. She had no idea how to parallel park so she would stop her car in the road, and ask someone to parallel her car for her. She said she liked to ask policemen to do it for her.

Sounds kind of weird yeah? But I guess it's true. My reasoning is that the roads aren't like this anymore, because of the amount of cars on the road. I mean think about it. If you went walking and the sidewalk was packed all the way to the store. How would you feel? I for one would be a super grouch. I would be shoving and pushing just like at a club. If you want to get to the other side of the club you better be prepared to push your way through. Maybe, as I've said before, less people should be allowed to drive. This would greatly help reduce road rage and also help us Americans get in shape, by having to walk everywhere. But, then again we'd have sidewalk rage. Hahaha, sorry that was lame. Laters all!

jamesy69 03/29/00 10:04 PM
SWR#10 Stepping Into the Shoes of Others

After reading the final Tee card, I tried to treat other drivers as if they were my neighbors. Over the past week I tried to be compassionate towards other drivers even if they were driving slow or driving aggressively. I tried to imagine what the other drivers were going through that particular day and not let my aggressive tendencies get the best of me. It was hard implementing these ideas but I noticed that I have become more patient with other drivers. Not only does this mean a safer enironment for myself but for others as well. I know that understanding the emotions of others is important in handling my own emotional intelligence.
By doing these Tee cards that last couple of weeks, I came to realize how important it is to manage our emotionla intelligence. By doing this, I know that the tendencies of road rage will decrease as fellow drivers utilize some compassion for others.

LDwiggins 03/30/00 9:43 AM
(SWR#10) Conscious + Consistent=Change

The Traffic Emotion Education (TEE) cards were very useful to me because they figuratively and literally pulled me out of "automatic" drive. I realized with each exercise how I had been encultured with the negative driving "norm". However, this did not mean that I could not make a change.

These cards first had me becoming more conscious of my emotions while driving/walking. I found that with practice in being conscious I was more calm when facing negative driving situations. This result came about because I made it a habit to be aware of my emotions while driving. It is so natural for us to "get in the habit" of doing and lose sight of our actions (eg shifting gears requires a sequence of actions) required to get things done. I found in accepting I cannot control the actions of others,in practicing charitable thought, and in taking responsibility for my action/reaction(s) I am in touch with my higher feelings. I admit is difficult to break a habit such as those Dr. James provides in the negative driving culture (eg: cussing, flipping the bird etc). However, with most habits being consistent in changing negative habits makes it more likely we will succeed in making a permanent change. It is not easy, but when we are ready, it is possible.

My personal formula has been conscious and consistent in order for me to produce change. The TEE cards made me surprisingly aware. In addition, the weekly SWR had me looking at myself as a driver/passenger and I soon realized that my action/reaction(s) were part of the problem. I am working to change being a part of the problem (negative driving culture) and becoming an example of a driver with emotional intellegence.

LDwiggins 03/30/00 10:27 AM
(OC #10) Driving off into the sunset :)

Dr. Driving & Fellow Psychology students:

It is my opinion that these weekly postings have helped us communicate by relating with the elements of driving. In addition this was my first introduction to "coolboard" postings. I realize after reading newsgroups that their groups are not as supportive as our group. I greatly appreciate the informative and supportive postings. It was (until someone posted a solicitation offer)a place where I felt I could express my thoughts and feelings without fear of being rejected or put down. I am optimistic that with such supportive people we can become better supportive drivers.

I know it sounds corny, but I thought it would be neat to have a Dr. Driving bumper sticker that says, "I am a proud student of Dr. Driving's Emotional Intelligence". Hmmm on second thought this might present a challenge if others wanted to test our emotional intelligence. However, it might be a great way to start QDCs. Hmmm. :)

I agree with others that ending the Tee cards on Anger was great because it is the number one emotion of the number one problem most drivers face (Road Rage). It is my opinion that most of us gained a lot from this course and are better people/drivers from it. I know I am.

Thank you Dr. James and my fellow classmates~ Happy trails to you all~ LDwiggins

allianic 03/30/00 6:06 PM
RE: (OC #10) (My RC #11)

I also agree that the weekly postings have helped the clss communicate by relating to the elements of driving. I think that our group was very supportive and we had a lot of interesting dicussions. That bumper sticker idea is pretty cute=) I also think that ending with the last tee card on anger was good. I think that if all drivers learned to control their anger, the roads would be safer and people in general would just get along better. I think that everyone in the class seemed to gain a lot from these postings and from the class discussions. I think that if these postings and the class helped at least one person become a better driver and have more emotional intelligence, then it is worth it.

allianic 03/30/00 6:13 PM
OC #11

After driving on Kauai for about five days now, I really think that the environment you learn to drive in makes a big difference in the kind of driver you turn out to be. I think that this is why so many people I know from Kauai have a hard time driving on Oahu whenever they visit. My own family gets pretty nervous when they rent a car up on Honolulu. I think that that is why drivers on Ohu are so impatient with drivers from outer islands. THe driving styles are way different. People on Oahu, in general, drive more aggressively than drivers from outer islands. It amazes me whenever I come home and drive how different it is. Just taking the driving test itself is so different. I remember not even having to parallel park and I remember not even driving for more than five minutes around the block and I got my license. I think that there should be some sort of standard driving test that everyone has to pass before getting their license. Just to be sure that all drivers can handle driving in all sorts of situations. I don't know how practical that is, but I Think it would be a good idea.

ABumanglag 04/03/00 8:50 PM
SWR#10: The Golden Rule of the Road

The final SWR exercise was interesting because it involved viewing driving from the perspective of other people. From my experience, I found that by trying to feel what the other driver was going through, I was able to drive with a more open mind. I tried to incorporate this mindset into my driving today, and I realized that I found other people's driving to be more tolerable. For example, a guy in his car was following me really close and seemed to be in a hurry. Usually my first instinct would have been to slow down or retaliate in some form. However, by trying to place myself in his shoes, I realized that perhaps this person is late for work or school. I realized that, at one time or another, I may have also been in this person's predicament. Therefore, I decided to let it go, and before I realized it, the person changed lane and was off on his merry way. From this exercise, I realize that we should be more tolerant of other drivers on the road, because at one time or another, we may have also been guilty of some kind of erradic or aggressive driving behavior.

tanthony 04/14/00 12:28 PM
RE: SWR#10: The Golden Rule of the Road

I totally agree with you that we all have our bad driving moments. I think it really does make driving more pleasant when we assess situations calmly and rationally, remembering that the world does not revolve around us. Sometimes I find it difficult to identify with other people that I encounter on the road. I don't know them and sometimes I feel that they are just there to complicate and add scenery to my life. As you did, I have to take time and realize that these people have their own lives and situations to deal with that have nothing to do with me. They probably feel the same way about me as I do about them. Realizing that these are people like me, it becomes much more tolerable to be in the presence of their mistakes, since I make my share of mistakes also.

tanthony 04/05/00 1:33 PM
SWR-10

I liked the idea of thinking about the people we drive around as being members of a moving community. It makes me think that these aren't just strangers, they are my neighbors at least for a short period of time. As in any community there are those neighbors who are a pleasure to be around and those that are rude and you wish would leave or at least clean up their act. I would like to extend the idea of being a considerate driver to vehicles that are parked. One of my real neighbors probably has ten vehicles packed in his driveway which he works on. This is not very pleasant to look at and does not belong in a residential neighborhood. He is one of those neighbors that you wish would change or go away. People in your moving community can be similarly irritating but at least you don't have to deal with them for prolonged periods of time. These people will come and go as rapidly as they incur irritation. If I can deal with the prolonged displeasure that my real neighbor creates, I should certainly be able to deal with the rapidly changing neighbors that I encounter on the road. Also, just as I try to be a pleasant member of my real community, I should make an effort to be a pleasant member of my moving community.

robsolmssen 04/06/00 12:37 PM
SWR#10

I feel that the the best tools that this class has provided me with are the open forum discussions as well as the newsgroups. These tools allowed me to separate myself from my driving norms and values. Thus, creating a new driving atmosphere. Being able to recognize your mistakes, as well as your qualities, in a non-threatening style helped me a great deal. I have applied this to my driving as well as the drivers around me.

TopDog34 04/11/00 4:22 AM
Road Rageous Behavior Witness

Funny thing as I drove off for work on an almost empty tank the other morning....I needed to stop off for gas and decided to take the highway instead of the interstate since I got off of the interstate for gas. While at a red light after filling the tank, I noticed an old beater pickup coming hard behind me. After the light turned green, I sped off so as to not get rearended, and this guy passed me on the right. No big deal, since he obviously wanted to go faster than I do. Now I am behind this guy for about a mile when I notice a plumbers van pull in front of us (now down to a 2 lane highway with double yellows!) and the beater truck never slowed down but crossed the double yellow. Well, this really upset the guy in the plumbers van, so he accelerated hard and kept the pickup on the wrong side of the double yewllow for appx. 15-20 seconds. The van backs off slightly and the truck cuts in front of him and slams the brakes to a complete stop. Guess what....the van hits him.

Seeing this going on, I had slowed waaaaay down and passed both of the idiots on the shoulder at about 5mph. Meanwhile, I piocked up my cell phone and called the police. They responded and now I'm a witness. All this because I forgot to get gas the night before! BTW, the pickup who was hit from the rear was cited in the accident and both drivers could have been cited for reckless driving, but the cop didn't want me to face the really mean jerk in the pickup in court. He (the cop) also said that it was a good thing that I did not stop as a fight was breaking out when he arrived!

ShaunnaM 04/18/00 1:49 PM
OC # 10

It's sad that people will risk smashing up their car just to get someone back. I wonder if the fact that the driver was in truck had anything to do with it, if he had a sort of, inferiority or invincibitly complex that let him think he could insult the other driver back by slamming on the brakes. To the person who wrote this story... You did the right thing, you're actually lucky you noticed what was going on and stayed away, or else you could have been involved in the accident too. It's just too bad you have be involved at all in something you tried so hard to avoid. I hope both guys get what they deserve (even though I'm sure it won't be more than a slap on the wrist).

tanthony 04/14/00 12:49 PM
OC-10

This class was a very pleasant surprise. I didn't know quite what to expect but I think it was very helpful not only with the way that I look at driving but in other situations also. Being emotionally intelligent during our everyday relationships, outside of our vehicles, can also contribute to leading a lower stress life and improve our relationships. I'm certainly not an emotionally genius yet, I still can't fight the frustration of being late to school because they decided to close the left lane of H-1 to do road work in the middle of the day, but I'm working on it.

ShaunnaM 04/18/00 1:40 PM
SWR #8

It's awful that people feel the need to take the law into their own hands. In this case, if the man who ended up murdering the other allowed the law to be followed accordingly, he would have recieved charges far less than he ended up will,(possibly none at all). At any time when an accident occurs, emotions are flowing, people react in many different ways, in this situation rage brought about a fatal result. Rage, in most situations, is only temporary, (in a court of law it is sometimes viewed as temporary insanity). If the two drivers were able to put a certain length of time in between the accident and the confrontation, or even a barrier, the outcome could have been different. Rage overwhelms peoples' emotions and actions and sometimes makes people do things they would never consider when they are in a calm state. I think rage management is a major issue that needs to be brought forth and taught at a young age and continue throughtout life.

kelamuch 04/28/00 2:24 AM
RC # 8

I agree with your views on rage management. I think that to some degree we all suffer from these acts of aggression and need some type of outlet. If we all continue to behave in this manner, especially on the road, there will definitely be an increase in the number of fatalities due to road rage.

ShaunnaM 04/24/00 4:15 PM
SWR #9

I feel that parents should be responsible for knowing what their children are watching and what they think about it. All parents need to watch the shows with their children and discuss what is going on, an make the distinction between what is real, right, and wrong. The same should apply with scenes that a character is driving badly. The parents could make comments like, "good thing this is make believe, or he would really be in trouble", and other things that engage the child and parent to discuss the show. Not enough parent - child interaction is done these day, although plenty families have "TV" time. It would only take a comment here and there, or even a discussion after the show, to be beneficial to the child's well being as well as family relations. Generally, children listen to everything that their parents say, howver, when their is little or no communication, they are going to listen to the closest thing that speaks to them, which, unfortunately is a TV.

ShaunnaM 04/24/00 4:31 PM
SWR # 10

It's interesting to see what happens when you change your perceptions of others when driving. Before and even during this class, one of my biggest problems is with blaming everone else around me for making me late, miss aturn, get a red light, etc. I am trying so hard not to wrongly assume that hey are doing it to make me mad, I know, in my mind, that they are not, but when I am in a situation, I am beginning to realize that I do it without thinking, I assume without even giving a chance. I have been trying, for months, to catch myself when I do this, stop and realize what I am doing, and then make up something funny in my mind for their reasoning.

One time, I was on my way to work and this guy in front of me was going so slow, he was all over the road. Right away I thought, idiot, get off the road. I thought he might be drunk and got more mad that someone would be drinking at 3 in the afternoon on a monday. With all these negative thoughts about this man running through my head, I was getting putting myself in a bad mood. The man finally pulled over to the side of the road, and as I drove by I realized what he was doing. He had pulled over to ask for directions, he was holding up a map, and immediately I felt bad for him. I felt bad about what I thought of him, and thought about all the times I had been in a strange place, trying to find a place. If I had known that, I would not have been so hard on him, and I would not have let my attitude go so sour.

Hatsumi 04/29/00 4:14 PM
RE: SWR # 10

It's truly amazing the things we do and thinking without even realizing it. I'm always very surprised when I find myself doing some kind of action or having some kind of negative thought about something or someone that I know nothing about. You're example about the guy looking for directions is a good one. I don't know how many times I've assumed that someone on the road was just being stupid or drunk because they were going so slow. Then, when I find out what's really going on, my anger usually just dissipates into thin air. After that, I feel a little guilty for thinking bad things about the person. I try very hard not to have negative feeling about anyone, especially since people often make value and character judgments about me based on my appearance. (I have 8 tattoos.) It makes me angry when people do that. So, when I find myself doing it to other people, I feel even worse about myself. I, too, am thankful that I've learned to really pay attention to what's going on in my mind when I drive.

ABumanglag 05/02/00 12:56 AM
RC#10 - RE: SWR # 10

I totally understand what you mean. I am also guilty of blaming others for my problems on the road. There are times when I think to myself - how in the world did this other driver get his/her license? I think that even to this day, I still get annoyed when people don't let me change lane, or drive really slow in front of me. I must say, however, that my usual habits have improved a bit. Before I started this whole SWR thing, it would be real common for me to tail (or even give the finger) to another driver who I felt did something wrong to me on the road (regardless of how big or tough they looked). Now, when something annoys me on the road, I just try to let it go and not make such a big deal out of it. I must comment, however, that your technique for letting go of problems on the road seems interesting. I think I'll try that some time - change my whole outlook and try to look at a negative action from a whole lighter/more humorous perspective.

kelamuch 04/26/00 11:58 PM
SWR #8

One of the most memorable incidents of road rage here in Hawaii was an incident which occurred a few years ago. It involved a teenage boy and an HPD officer. The tragic result was the death of Officer Miller. The two had engaged in several forms of aggressive driving until finally they pulled to the side of the road. There was a scuffle and Officer Miller fell over the H-1 viaduct and died. Gabriel Kealoha, a Kamehameha School senior, served some time in a detention home for Miller’s death. This was one of the most serious and highly publicized incidents of road rage. There were other factors that attributed to the unfortunate death of Miller, alcohol being one, but it still could have been prevented had the two men been able to control their tempers and maintain calm attitudes. The two drivers began engaging in reckless behavior, cutting each other off and tailgating. The event was pushed to an extreme and unfortunately someone died. The interesting thing was that at the time no one seemed to consider this road rage. I remember the story ran for many days and reports were made about domestic violence in Officer Miller’s home, alcohol abuse, etc., but I can’t recall one headline that included road rage or methods to control these behaviors. These two men made a series of bad choices. The decision to stop along the freeway was probably the worst decision of all. Had one driver simply continued on his journey instead of stopping this entire mess could have been avoided. If these two men had learned some methods to control their aggression while driving or even stopped to consider the possible results of their behavior this incident would probably have been avoided.

kelamuch 04/26/00 11:59 PM
SWR #9

One of the shows I watch most often is Law & Order. I typically don’t pay much attention to the behaviors exhibited while driving, but in this past episode I tried to observe what was going on. I realized that typically the actors have conversations while driving and don’t pay much attention to the road. They also use cellular telephones while driving which can impair their driving ability. These behaviors may seem very minor when compared to other shows with obscenely reckless driving, but we as viewers learn through their modeling. They make people believe these behaviors have no impact upon their driving ability, when in fact they do.

I find that as a driver when I’m talking on my cell phone I have more trouble maneuvering my car. I also find that I don’t pay as much attention to the situation and my environment while on the phone. As I was driving today I noticed this car on the freeway traveling about 40 mph in the right lane with its left blinker on. There were several cars behind it unable to change lanes, but the lane was open next to this car. I wondered why the driver wasn’t making the lane change thereby blocking all the other drivers. As I passed I noticed the driver was talking on her cell phone, holding it with her right hand, in her left hand was a cigarette, and she was oblivious to it all. I just laughed. I realize now how important it is to be aware of the surroundings and the impact modeling plays in our lives.

kelamuch 04/28/00 2:21 AM
SWR # 10

I must say that I don’t often stop to consider the emotional state of the other driver. I am quick to overreact and assume the worst about others. While reading TEE card 55C2 I began to realize that I could probably avoid many hostile outbursts if I simply had more compassion for other drivers.

I also found TEE card 57C2 highly accurate in describing my feelings while driving. As I said I am quick to assume the worst. By taking this class I have made myself aware of the problem and hopefully will continue to practice some of the methods taught in class to maintain a calm attitude while driving. I especially find that when I grumble about another driver I do feel more hostility toward him. If I remember to stop myself before I verbally bash the other driver, I am more likely to remain calm and in control.

Hatsumi 04/29/00 4:05 PM
SWR#10

I have to admit, doing these QDC forum discussions has made me much more patient while driving in my car as well as in other places. I still get angry when I drive if someone cuts me off or something, but I'm a lot less likely to act on that anger. I don't tail-gate or yell out the window. I never did much before, anyway, but I used to WANT to a lot more. Now, I just keep singing in the car and let it pass. It allows me to get to wherever I'm going in a much calmer, happier mood. As I was reading this last TEE card talking about the fact that most people who make mistakes while driving are not actually out to get in my way, I was thinking about that joke, "Just because you're not paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you." :-) The people on the road don't know me and I don't know them, so how could they possibly be trying to personally upset me? It's a very useful way of thinking about things. These strategies really help me keep from inciting road rage situations. Thank goodness.

kuni99 05/01/00 9:23 AM
RE: RC#10

I totally agree with this because, really, all of the other drivers who are on the road with you don't know a thing about who you are. When we take things personally, we only make our own lives miserable. Moreover, when it involves driving a car, it can turn tragic if we are not aware of our thoughts and reactions to it.

Hatsumi 04/29/00 4:19 PM
OC #10

No more forum discussions now. In some ways I may miss them. It's been very useful for me to examine my driving behaviors because the tips that we've gotten from this QDC thing can be used in other realms of our lives, as well. It's all about respecting those around us, regardless of whether they respect us. It's a hard thing to do, but it's important. If you've done everything you can to make a situation good, then you've done you're best. If everyone were considerate and understanding about those around them, the world would be a happier place.

Will I continue working on my driving? Absolutely. I don't know if I'll go through the trouble of reading more TEE cards or anything like that, but I will certainly continue to use and expand on what I've already learned.

shanen 04/30/00 11:53 AM
Missing SWR #4

Here's my SWR #4 that wound up missing for some reason.

(Sorry again this will be the last out of order TEE)When I counted up my competitive behaviors I found that I tallied many times in the "how many cars you're passing", "how many cars pass you", and the "which lane is faster/slower..." behaviors. I noticed that I usually did this when there was a lot of traffic. However when there was less traffic I still found myself constantly looking at which lanes were going faster. At this point I wasn't speeding that much but I felt that I wanted a smoother flow of driving. There usually was one lane that was going too slow. I also didn't enter the extreme left lane that is supposedly for passing traffic. I think that I felt that I would feel rushed if people approached me from behind. I tried to find a good smooth lane but I guess that I may have seemed that I was driving aggressively and changing lanes too often. At times I did want to feel like I was going faster than everyone else and still see that I wouldn't get a ticket also. I was just in one of those moods that I didn't really care about being a defensive driver. I was in a very competitive mood. I was lucky that no one else on the freeway at that time was feeling the same way. Otherwise we may have had a little competitive speeding going on. That was the only time that I remember not caring about being a decent driver. I didn't care what others thought about. I was just driving fast and having fun. I am trying to stay in one lane when I am driving to school in the mornings. I think I have found one lane that does better overall than the others. Write back if you're coming from central O'ahu and we can exchange strategies.

kuni99 05/01/00 9:18 AM
SWR: #10

I think that my driving habits as far as getting angry while driving is average. I do tend to get angry briefly when other drivers are reckless in their own driving. I think I get angry because of the increased potential of that driver being the cause of possible injury to myself of my passengers, especially my kids. I think that everyone has the natural human response of getting angry at the possible risk of injury or death due to the cause or negligence of others. If someone didn't have this in them, then something is wrong because that displays a lack of care for the quality of life. I try not to get too angry when I witness others driving recklessly or seemingly reckless because it could possibly impair my own driving.

kuni99 05/01/00 9:28 AM
RE: OC#10

I think this QDC is a very important concept to remember and apply to daily driving because there are accidents every single day and I believe that at least half of them are due to people reacting to their anger, in thinking that the other driver was out to get them. I think if more people can become aware of their negative reactions to other people's driving, there will be less road rage and less accidents and violence within our driving communities.

ABunmanglag 05/02/00 1:02 AM
OC#10: In retrospect

I was just thinking to myself - now that this semester is nearing its end, did I fulfill the original goal of this class and make improvements in my driving behavior? I can honestly say that yes, I think I did. As I look back on all of my SWRs, I realize how hard it is to break bad habits - especially bad driving habits. Nevertheless, I feel that there is still some room for improvement. I don't think I have completely eliminated all aggressive driving tendencies yet. Who knows, if I keep this up, maybe I'll be a less aggressive driver on the road.

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