SELF-WITNESSING REPORT

ON

THE AGE OF RAGE

by Yuki Morinaka

　

contents

Introduction

Self-Witnessing Observations

EVENT 1: Library Rage

EVENT 2 : Cell Phone Rage

EVENT 3 : Housemate Rage

EVENT 4 : Telephone Survey Rage

EVENT 5 : Smoking Rage

Discussion

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Report 1

　

Introduction

    Since I have participated the Forum Discussions, I became more aware of my rage or anger.  I know I have a short-temper, and I thought I was always aware when I got upset or mad.  But I wasn't actually aware of all rages until I tried to be conscious.  I have realized that I experienced the rage or anger much more often than I thought.  It is a surprising and new discovery how easy I can think of some rages which I had in the past few days. 

   I had thought that I have a short-temper compared to others.  But I've realized that there is not much difference in people experiencing rage or anger as I read others' experience in the Forum Discussions.  Other people also feel rage at the same or similar things which I experienced before.  There may be difference in the level that people experience anger: upset, disgust, angry, loose (control of) one's temper, enrage, infuriate... and so forth.  Participation to the Discussion Forum has helped me to look back and think about my rage objectively.  And actually many people seem to digest their anger after they have talked about their rage. 

   Not only private rage, but I have learned that there are so many varieties of public rage while I worked on Report1: ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY ON THE AGE OF RAGE.  It is so shocking that a mere incident can develop to a crime which threatens our lives.  It is the fact that there are many cases in which people were killed only because somebody lost control of his/her temper.

    What makes the crucial difference seems to be the reactions which people take when they feel anger.  If the person is not aware of his/her anger, the risk will be bigger.  The first step must be witnessing; being consciously aware of your emotional or/and psychological state.

   In the following, I will examine my rages using Dr. James's thee-step method which are: 1. Acknowledge 2. Witness (the Affective-Cognitive-Sensorimotor Self-Witnessing Technique) 3. Modify.  It will show how important it is for us to be aware of our own rages and to view those in a objective way, so we will be able to analyze and know how to deal with our rage.  I hope it will help you to reduce or inhibit rage. 

　

　

　

Self-Witnessing Observations

  EVENT 1 : Library Rage

location: study room, Sinclair Library

    I was studying at library as usual.  I had a seat which nobody was sitting around, and started a reading assignment.  But shortly after I started reading, two girls came and had seats right behind me, and they started talking.  Of course it disturbed me.  I looked back at them.  They opened the book, but they never started studying, instead, kept talking.

    I gave them a glance a couple of times. It was the sign saying "You guys are disturbing me!  Shut up!"  One of them saw me, however she didn't stop talking.  She didn't even lower her voice.  I got upset because they just ignored my sign despite them realizing they're interrupting me.  She was supposed to tell her friend, "Hey, we're disturbing other people.  We should stop talking."  But it never happened.

     I still waited for them to stop talking.  I looked over my shoulder several times.  However they kept talking and talking.  I felt my face was getting hot with rage.  I tried to calm down, and tried to go back to reading.  But my anger was so heightened that I couldn't understand any of the words that I read.  I was really frustrated when I realized that I already wasted more than half an hour without getting any reading done just because of them.

    I was driven by the impulse to cry at them, "Shut up!"  Instead I slammed the book expressing my anger toward the absurd girls.  I intentionally made noise to put my stuff in my bag because I wanted to let them know that I was mad at them.  Though I moved to another seat, I still could hear them talk.  Then I realized that my face was stiff with rage.  I must have looked really scary in other people's eyes.  I touched my face, and tried to ease the scary look.  

    I was mad even after I moved to a different seat, but after a while I questioned myself.  Why didn't I simply tell them to be quiet or lower their voice?  I knew I could do so, but I admit I didn't have enough courage to tell them be quiet.  What if they talk me back or glare at me?  My anger was maybe partly at myself since I was such a coward.  

    If I had chose a nice way of talk, I wouldn't have made them embarrassed or feel bad.  They might even say sorry and leave. And it would help other people who were disturbed by their chatting too.  Or maybe I could move to another seat immediately, so that I didn't have to waste time by being upset. I also disturbed another people by slamming the book.

    Why did I have to take the trouble to move to another seat though it's them but not me that was doing wrong?  While I felt this way, my rage was never cooled down.  But when I tried to view myself in a subjective way,  I felt bad and ashamed that I was so angry and couldn't control my rage.  I realized that just changing the way of thinking can reduce one's rage easily.   

(1)Acknowledge

(2)Witness

<Sensorimotor behavior>

<Cognitive behavior>

<Affective behavior>

(3)Modify



　

EVENT 2 : Cell Phone Rage

location: study room, Sinclair Library ; classroom

    Again I was studying at Sinclair library as usual.  It was quiet this time, and I was reading the textbook.  However, an unpleasant and annoying melody broke the silence.  It was a cell phone ring.  The girl who was sitting behind me answered her phone and started talking openly in the study room.  Maybe she couldn't hear the caller's voice well.  Her voice got louder, but she didn't realize that or just didn't care.  Now, my attention was on her talking, not at the textbook.  I was amazed at her boldness, and got upset at the same time.

    It lasted probably five minutes or so.  You may think it is not that long, but it was long enough to make me upset and irritated.  I looked back and stared at her, but she didn't recognize me since she was facing the other side.  I cleared my throat to let her know my irritation, but it didn't make any difference either.  I got frustrated.  I was making a wry face, and glaring at her.

    "Why doesn't she go outside to talk?"  That's the common rule.  Actually she should've turn off the cell phone or make it vibrate when she was at the public space, especially at the library.  It did not sound that her call was emergency at all.  She didn't even try to talk low.  What she did was disturbing to all other people's study by her rude manner, but she didn't feel guilty nor realize that.

    Cell phone rage that I experienced is not only found at the library.  It occurred in the class, and even during the exam.  It was not only a few times, but often in the class.  We come to school to learn from the lecture but not to look for a call from friends.  I usually sit in the front in the class because I want to listen well to the lecture.  But whenever somebody's cell phone rings, my attention gets disturbed and I feel irritated.  Professors/ teachers prepare for every lecture, and teach enthusiastically within the limited class time.  How does he/she feel when a cell phone interrupts the lecture?  Maybe those who never turn off their cell phone in the class don't have any respect for the teacher.  They lack common sense and even don't think about how much their cell phone ringing disturbs other students who are listening to the lecture carefully.  Whenever a cell phone rings, the professor ask the students, "Please turn off your cell phones in the class."  I think the professor's response is too weak.  She can tell those rude students to leave the class, and even take some points from their grades.  I think that strict rules regarding a cell phone should be enforced in the class and at the library.  Otherwise some students will never learn the manner. 

    I cannot understand why some people seem like they cannot live without a cell phone.  I have never had a cell phone though I know how convenient a cell phone is.  So I may lack understanding of cell-phone users.   But I still believe that it's a common rule/manner to turn off a cell phone or set it vibrate in the class or at the library.  Answering the phone and talking in the class is out of question!!

(1)Acknowledge

(2)Witness

<Sensorimotor behavior>

<Cognitive behavior>

<Affective behavior>

(3)Modify

I think cell phone rage is one-sided towards a cell-phone user.  So it seems to be hard to modify the rage.  But I could tell the girl to go outside of the library.  Also I could tell the professor how much the cell phone ringing during the lecture is annoying and suggest to her to enforce some rules.  Making a wry face and glaring are not preferable ways to warn, rather those reactions could produce a negative outcome.  So I should've refrained from those behaviors.   

　

　

　

EVENT 3 : Housemate Rage

location: my apartment

     I prefer nighttime rather than daytime for study because it's more quiet, and I can concentrate better.  So I was working hard on the assignment in my room one night.

    However all of a sudden, loud music broke the silence.  It was at midnight, and the music was from next room.  Why the hell did she have to listen to the music so loud at midnight?  The walls in my apartment are so thin like a piece of paper that other housemates can hear me even if I talk normal on the phone.  Therefore this loud music was unbearable and very unpleasant.  Of course I couldn't concentrate on my work any more.

    The girl living in the next room has lived here before I moved in.  So she should know very well how every noise can penetrate in the house.  I expected that she would turn off the music immediately.  However this loud music didn't stop.  

    I have never really talked to this girl though she and I share the same bathroom, because I have a bad impression of her.  She has never brought the trash of the bathroom outside, and it's always left to me to do so when the trash basket gets full.  Only two of us share the bathroom, so she must know that it's me bringing trash outside.  However she has never done this even a single time.  I think she might not have any common sense.  So when I hear this music coming from the next room, I wasn't surprised but just amazed at her boldness.  She has such a nerve! 

    Since the loud music didn't seem to stop soon, I decided to do something else till she turns off the music or till other housemate goes ask her to do so.  Maybe I could go by myself to ask her to shut the music off.  But I didn't dare to because I was pretty sure that another housemate would take some reaction.  As I expected, a housemate of the second floor who lives right above my next-door neighbor came down shortly after  I went to the kitchen, and she went straight to the girl's room.  However she came to the kitchen and told me that the girl wasn't home.  I got so mad when I heard this.  I had to finish the assignment but I couldn't as long as the music was playing.  What's wrong with her?  How come she had to play music loud when she's out???  I felt or recognized some hatred towards this girl.

    The upstairs woman told me that this girl uses a radio for alarm, and she did the same thing several times before.  How thoughtless she is!  I don't know why she needs to set the alarm at midnight, but she should've made sure it was off before she left!  The upstairs woman was mad because she warned the girl about the same error many times.  The girl must have no brain, that's why she'll never learn!!

    We couldn't express our rage to her because she was not even home.  It made us more irritated.  But fortunately, the woman knew how to deal with this since she learned from the last experiences.  She turned the main power off for a moment, and the alarm stopped.

    If this woman wasn't here, I would've had to try to study with the loud music in vain.  I really hate people who lack common sense or manners like this girl.  And it's so annoying to live with such people in the same house.  I can be tolerant of her first error, but cannot forgive the same error repeated.  

    Though I saw her in the kitchen later, we didn't talk or even say hi.  If she apologized about the incident, my attitude towards her might be changed.  However, yes, I admit that I didn't give her the chance even if she might want to.  Because I have never tried to initiate the conversation with her, and rather avoid looking at her unconsciously.  If I were her, of course I would be reluctant to talk to the person who ignores me.  Before I labeled her "absurd", I could talk to her and reprove her errors in the acceptable manner.  Maybe she is just careless not doing these errors intentionally.  

(1)Acknowledge

(2)Witness

<Sensorimotor behavior>

<Cognitive behavior>

<Affective behavior>

(3)Modify

　

　

EVENT 4 : Telephone Survey Rage

location: my room

    I received a phone call from a telecommunication service or something.  As soon as I answered the telephone, the woman started talking.  She talked so fast and then swiftly started asking me questions.  I was overwhelmed and it took seconds to finally understand this was a telephone survey.  I thought it was just a couple of questions.  So I was answering her questions.  

    The questions were to know how familiar I am with the major telephone companies.  It was like "Do you think Sprint has a cell-phone service?" or something like that.  Those questions referred to each telephone companies; GTE, At&T, Sprint, Verizon.  But I am not a Hawaiian resident but from Japan, and I am not familiar with this stuff.  If I knew some, maybe I could contribute to this survey.  But all I could say was "I don't know."  But she kept asking me questions, and I felt uncomfortable with this.  So I told her that I'm from a different country and that I don't think I can contribute to this survey.  

    I assumed she would no longer ask me questions, however the woman said that's o.k.  She told me that I could answer "I don't know."  I was amazed with her answer.  If this is a survey, doesn't she have to do more accurate?  I'm not the right subject.  She should ask at least residents in Hawaii.  She didn't stop asking me questions.  It was so silly.  She just needed the number of persons.  Whether the answer is variable or not didn't matter to her.  Already 15minutes or so have passed, and she didn't seem finished asking me questions.

    I was really tired since I had an exam on that day and I barely slept the previous night.  When I got this unpleasant call, I was about to take a nap.  Since she didn't seem to want to let me go, so finally I asked her how many more questions she had.  She said "I don't know."  I couldn't believe my ears.  Suddenly I was getting angry with her irresponsible answer.  Such a joke!  I felt like an idiot because I was answering seriously to each questions so far.  I was mad.  She was just wasting my time.  

    I think I was nice to answer to all her questions, but I was not that nice to answer the endless questions!  I wanted to just hang up.  But I still had some conscience to imagine how she would feel if I just hang up the phone.  So I took a deep breath, and said "Excuse me.  I cannot do this for an hour."  She explained that all the questions were in the computer so that she didn't know how many more question there were.  I was so tired and mad that I didn't say anything.  She told me she can call me back some other times. So I said O.K. hoping that I would never answer her phone.  Then she hung up the phone immediately with no thank you.

    I know this is her job, and she makes her living by doing this. But I have my own life too.  She could have ever known how tired I was.  She doesn't care our convenience anyway.  All her concern was just doing her task. But she should keep in her mind that she is violating somebody's precious time.  When somebody volunteers to answer to her questions, she should appreciate it. 

    A few days later, I received another telephone survey again.  But this time I had learned from my experience.   
Before the guy started to ask me questions, I told him I had to go to the class.  Of course that was not true but just an excuse to escape.  Then he asked me if he could call me back later.  My answer was NO!!

(1)Acknowledge

(2)Witness

<Sensorimotor behavior>

<Cognitive behavior>

<Affective behavior>

(3)Modify

    
 

　

EVENT 5 : Smoking Rage

location: station, bus stop /Japan

    I had smoking rage very often when I was in Japan.  Most of train stations prohibit smoking at a platform, and there are signs saying "No Smoking All Day".  There are recorded-announcements too.  However many smokers are not aware of those signs or probably they just ignore them.  Those attitudes always made me mad.  I hate smoking!  Smoke makes me cough and makes my hair and cloths stink.  Besides I know there's a risk of getting lung-cancer from second-hand smoking too.  So I don't think it's fair that people smoke where there are non-smokers/anti-smokers.  As long as they smoke in the proper place and care about other people, I don't complain.  But there are so many smokers who lack the minimum etiquette/manners in Japan.  Whenever I encountered such a rude smoker, I felt anger.  

    I was waiting for an express train in the line one morning.  I heard the announcement saying "It's No Smoking all day on this station.  Thank you for cooperation..."  However the guy who was standing in front of me lit a cigarette.  Hello!  Are you deaf?  Can't you hear this announcement?  His boldness made me upset.  Since he lit a cigarette, I had to bear with this poisoning smoke.  I picked up the handkerchief and covered the nose and mouth.  But I still could smell and it bothered me a lot.  I coughed several times.  I'm sure he heard.  But he didn't care.  He was kept smoking.  There are signs on every column.  How can he overlook them?  He must be just ignoring or pretending not to realize.  I was very mad at him, and glared at him.

    I wanted to tell him to put out the cigarette.  Yes, I really did.  But I hesitated.  He was a businessman, and there were lots of man in their business suits since it was the rush hour of commuters.  Maybe I was an only the student in my line.  If I warned him not to smoke, how would he response?  Maybe other people would watch us.  I thought it would be embarrassing.  So I couldn't warn him.  I admit I was timid.  Though I knew he was wrong, he was the one who broke the rule, but I couldn't take an action.  It made me irritated, and I was in a rage.  

    The train finally come.  The guy stamped out the cigarette, and I was released from the smoke.  But I was still raging.  He ruined the morning fresh air and my mood.  He was sitting the opposite side of me.  I was so mad that I still stared at him.  But I realized that it's silly to waste time because of him.  Then I tried not to see him.  

    Another episode of smoking rage was when I was waiting at the bus stop.  Again I was standing in the line.  There was a guy standing around me.  He lit the cigarette.  The bus stop was outside.  So there was no sign of "No Smoking" this time. 

    I was on my way to a doctor's appointment, and there were many elderly people who were probably going to the same hospital at the bus stop.  So I thought smoking is very annoying especially for people who go to the hospital.  Of course this guy never knew we were going to hospital though.  Since I started to think that way, I was getting irritated by his smoking.  And the wind was blowing  smoke towards me, and it made me more disgusted.  Again I covered my mouth and nose with the handkerchief and coughed looking back at him, exaggerating this cough.  Then he puffed the cigarette a few times and stamped it out right away. 

    I was very surprised with this because I never expected he would do so.  At the same time, I felt a little guilty because he had to put out the cigarette which he lighted it.  It was outside and there was no sign of No Smoking, so he had the right to smoke.  My action must have made him embarrassed.  He might be looking forward to a smoke after refraining for long time.  I wasn't bothered from the smoke since my sign was effective, but I felt bad.  

 

(1)Acknowledge

(2)Witness

<Sensorimotor behavior>

<Cognitive behavior>

<Affective behavior>

(3)Modify

 

　

Discussion