Dr. Deborah Tannen’s Talking from 9 to 5

Chapter 8: What’s Sex Got to Do With It?

 

 

The “Indeterminancy of Language” — Just as our sayings can be misinterpreted, so can our actions, especially in the case of sexual harassment.

 

 

I. Saying One Thing and Being Heard As Saying Another

A.     “The same moves that are harmless in most situations, when done in a certain way, become sources of discomfort if done in a different situation or in a different way…” (p. 243)

B.     A young American woman in two different settings:

1.  As an intern at the Latin American branch office of an American company, she felt uncomfortable because her boss kissed all the secretaries every morning, including her. When she finally told him that she did not like him doing so, he stopped greeting her altogether.

2.  At another job, her boss “treated her with more distance and formality” (p. 245). She considered the flowers he sent her at the end of the summer to be a token of friendship, not of romantic interest.

      a.  According to sociologist Erving Goffman, courtship and courtesy rituals are intertwined

 

II. Men Can Be Harassed Too—But It’s Different

A.     Meredith Johnson and Tom Sanders (from Michael Crichton’s novel Disclosure)

1.  She seduces him, then “pushes him onto the couch and pinions him there” (p.  247)

B.     Gena Hutton and Bob Packwood (from The New York Times Magazine)

1.  When she was about to open her car door, “he just reeled [her] around and grabbed [her] and pulled [her] close to him.” She thought it was going to be a good-night hug, but then he “planted a full kiss on her lips, wriggling his tongue into her mouth” (p. 247).

C.     In regards to sexual behavior, society expects men to be aggressive and women to be seductive.

 

III. Woman As Witch

A.     “a cultural icon deeply associated with female characters in folk tales and popular culture is the witch” (p. 249)

1.  men fear a loss of control that is due to attraction to women

B.     In David Mamet’s play (Oleanna), Carol, a college student, falsely accuses her professor, John, of sexual harassment and rape

 

IV. His and Her Views

A.     incident when a woman rode in a taxi around midnight with the driver yelling at her all the while

1.  women’s view: considered experience to be frightening; a serious offense for the taxi driver

2.  men’s view: just yelling is not a serious offense

B.     casual remarks by men à provoke fantasies (of violence) (p. 253)

1.  boss who joked with a subordinate about throwing her on the floor and making “mad, passionate love to her”

2.  “I want to nail her properly”

3.  “She’s wearing her knock-me-down-and-fuck-me-shoes”

 
V. The Threat of Violence

A.     “But the point is not that all men are violent. It is the awareness of the possibility of violence, the knowledge that some men…are violent, that creates this aura—even for women who have never been hit” (p. 254)

1.  because men are usually bigger and stronger

2.  example: Dr. Tannen, many years younger then, being pinned against a 

     wall by an older boy she didn’t know while on her way to a grocery store

B.     threat of violence at work

1.  Sargeant Wood said to Captain Carol Barkalow, that if a fire broke out there, he would shoot all the women

2.  highest-female placed executive had a heated argument with a colleague over opening a new office in Chicago

C.     New York Newsday cartoon of Hillary Clinton having been mugged

D.     Review of author’s book That’s Not What I Meant in The Washington Times

1.  titled “Debbie Does Dialogue,” similar to a title of a pornographic movie

2.  review concluded that her husband should have beaten her

 

VI. It’s About Power—At All Levels

A.     sexual harassment can be experienced at any level of power

B.     high position not a protection

1.  female New York state senator having to climb over a man to get to her seat

2.  congresswoman Jill Long was complimented by a male colleague about her appearance and said he was going to chase her around

C.     leaving pornographic materials in sight can be disturbing

1.  to shock, embarrass, harass women?

D.     freshman class viewed Rising Sun at the Motion Picture Association of America; saw a woman being raped repeatedly

 

VII. Female is Faultable

A.     “faultable” (coined by Erving Goffman): “essence in which someone can be embarrassed or made to feel in the wrong because they have a particular characteristic” (p. 260)

1.  “a woman can become faultable for being female in any situation at any time”               (p. 260)

B.     women as objects of obscenity/”tainting”

1.  on a national television call-in show, caller made reference to a sexual body part

2.  congresswoman’s guest book had a listing for Dick Hurtz, 131 Penis Drive

3.  Graham Leonard, bishop of London, believed that “any bishop’s hand would be ‘tainted’ after placing them on the head of a woman undergoing ordination” (p. 261)

4.  woman intern could not reside at Catholic teaching hospital

 

VIII. “Who’s in charge here?”

A.     distribution of power between writer and editor

1.  Dr. Tannen was invited to editor’s hotel room where he undressed in front of her

                              2.  author insisted on dropping off his manuscript at editor’s home; told her about

     fantasies he had had about her

B.     doctor-patient relationship

1. female doctors more likely to be addressed by their first names, be interrupted more

2.  in The New England Journal Of Medicine, survey found that 77% of

     female doctors were sexually harassed by male patients

3.  cases of clients being sexually harassed/abused by male doctors

              

IX. Cultural Scripts

A.     men and women seen as romantic partners in particular settings (i.e. having dinner together)

 

X. The Office Affair and Other Tensions

A.     affair between a boss and subordinate can lead to favoritism; excellent work by others can be dismissed and prevent promotions

B.     attraction can confuse or enhance office interactions

C.     decorative women

1. women hired based on their looks rather than their abilities

               a.  older surgeons only had attractive receptionists and secretaries

b.  when placed an advertisement “physician seeking office assistant,” many women appeared with low-cut blouses and short skirts

                              2. concept common in some countries

                                             a. in Japan, they are called “flowers of the workplace”

 

XI. The Indeterminancy of Language

A.     actions and language have many meanings; conversational-style differences can cause confusion and misunderstanding in the workplace

 

XII. “You Just Don’t Understand”

A.     Dr. Tannen’s advice:

1.  “…[to] urge women and men to appreciate the deep but differing fears the phenomenon referred to as ‘sexual harassment’ engenders in the other” (p. 273)

a.  “Men should try to understand women’s abiding fear of male violence and their reluctance to offend by stating that something makes them uncomfortable”

b.  women should try to understand men’s fear of being falsely accused

 

 

 

http://www.sxetc.org/library/genLibArticle.asp?CategoryID=1292&ArticleID=art_1403

A QUIZ: What Is Sexual Harassment?

 

There’s a difference between flirting, sexual harassment and sexual assault. Assign the proper label for the following situations. (For the complete quiz, visit the site above.)

 

• Mike stares at Latasha non-stop during class.              Sexual harassment

              

• Nitasha loves wearing sexy clothes. Rob writes "slut" on her locker.  Sexual harassment

 

• When talking, Enrique touches Shamika’s arm.           Flirting

 

• In a crowded hallway, Matt grabs Diane’s breast.                       Sexual assault

 

• Manuel sends Jenee flowers. Flirting

 

• Robert and Matt show a sexual cartoon to Kim in class. She tells them to stop and they do.               Flirting

 

 

 

http://www.wastatepta.org/programs/advocacy/EveryTeenCounts/pradet10.htm

Every Teen Counts, October 1997

Flirting Versus Sexual Harassment

 

“Many of the behaviors which constitute sexual harassment are also behaviors associated with flirtation. For many students, this can be confusing. However, the measure of whether or not the behavior is sexual harassment or flirting is the perception of the person receiving the attention. The following is a comparison between the perceptions observed in flirting and sexual harassment:”

 

Flirting

Sexual Harassment

Feels good, confident feeling

Feels bad, demeaning

Is reciprocal

Is unwanted by the receiver

Is non-threatening and complimentary

Is threatening and insulting

Builds the esteem of both parties

Builds up the ego of the giver while tearing down the esteem of the recipient

Feels equal to both parties

Gives one person power over another

 

 

 

http://www.sexuality.org/l/activism/sexharas.html

Sexual Harassment Info/Resources

 

Is sexual harassment illegal?

Yes. Sexual Harassment is prohibited by Section 703 of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

 

Definition of Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment includes unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature when:

• submission to such conduct is made either explicitly or implicitly a term or

condition of an individual's employment,

• submission to or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for employment decisions affecting such individual, or

• such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile, or offensive working environment.

 

The Two Basic Kinds of Sexual Harassment

Quid Pro Quo (This for that)

-          committed only by someone in the corporate structure who has the "Power to Control" the victim's job destiny

o        includes "pocketbook" injury, "put out or get out" demands, "submit to my sexual requests or you will be fired, demoted, intimidated, passed over for a promotion, or in some other way made miserable on the job"

Hostile Environment

-          can be committed by anyone with whom the victim comes in contact with on the job

-          the harasser creates an abusive work environment or interferes with the employee's work performance through words or deeds

o        This may include things such as discussion sexual activities, unnecessary touching, commenting on physical attributes, displaying sexually suggestive pictures, using demeaning or inappropriate terms, using unseemly gestures, ostracizing workers of one gender by those of the other gender, granting job favors to those who participate in consensual sexual activity, or using crude and offensive language

 

Types of sexual harassment

Power Plays

-          defined as using one's position of authority, either implicitly or explicitly, to coerce an employee into complying with sexual favors

-          the harasser would be either a manager or supervisor

Physical

-          includes things such as unwanted touching, fondling, patting, hugging, pinching or kissing

-          the harasser could be a supervisor, subordinate, co-worker or even a non-employee.

Verbal

-          includes questions and comments about a person's sexual behavior, sexually oriented jokes, comments about a person's body, conversations filled with sexual  innuendos and double meanings

-          the harasser could be a supervisor, subordinate, co-worker or even a non-employee

Mental / Non-verbal

-          includes displaying sexually suggestive pictures or objects in the work-place, ogling in a sexually demeaning manner, gesturing and making lewd motions with one's body

-          the harasser could be a supervisor, subordinate, co-worker or non-employee.

 

EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) Guidelines Regarding the Victim's Perception

• The EEOC guidelines affirm that the victim's perception of sexual harassment is controlling.

"Reasonable Person" Standard - standard by which to judge whether an action is harmful or offensive. The EEOC guidelines specifically deal with "unwelcomed" sexual conduct when it "has the effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual's work performance or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment."

• The courts are now recognizing that men and women have different levels of sensitivity. Conduct that does not offend many men may offend most women. Several courts have held that since women are most often the recipients of sexual harassment, the standard on which one decide if an action is sexual harassment should be based on the "Reasonable Woman" standard.

Reasonable Woman" Standard - sexual remarks or touching may be intended not to harass, but if those actions have the effect of making the recipient feel uncomfortable, humiliated, embarrassed or unsafe in her working environment, they are sexual harassment. Currently, thirteen states have adopted the "reasonable woman" standard.

 

What to do if you are being Sexually Harassed

Know your rights

Sexual harassment is a violation of University policy. It is also prohibited under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, as amended, and Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972. You have a right to an educational or work environment that is free of bias, intimidation, or hostility.

State your objections at the time

Tell the harasser that his/her behavior is unwelcome. Your response could prevent future harassment from the person, especially if he or she did not realize the behavior was offensive. Be specific in stating what you do or don't want to happen, such as "Please call me by my name, not Honey," or "Please don't tell that kind of joke in front of me."

Tell someone

Talk to a trusted friend, colleague, teacher or counselor. Ask for advice and support to help stop the harassment.

Document incidences

Keep records in a journal or record the facts on a tape recorder. Keep track of dates, places, times, witnesses and the nature of the harassment. You may need this information if the harassment continues and you choose to file a complaint.

Write a letter

A letter to the harasser can be an effective way to communicate one's objections to certain behaviors. Such a letter should state: (a) the facts of the situation, (b) the effects the behavior has had on the harassee, and (c) that the harassee would like the behavior to stop.

Report the Problem

Most companies and schools have a sexual harassment policy and a process for handling complaints. Check with your employer's human resource department or with the school's counseling or student affairs departments to get information on existing policies and procedures. If you can't find a policy on sexual harassment, this does not mean you aren't protected from this behavior. You are still protected by your State's laws and can take legal action. For more information, contact the NATIONAL JOB PROBLEM HOTLINE at 1-800-522-0925

 

Observer / Witness Responsibilities

• If you observe possible sexual harassment, do not ignore it.

• If you are a supervisor:

-          Ask the person you have observed as being sexually harassed if such behavior bothers him/her.

-          Don't assume that it is all right because the individual being harassed does not speak out.

-          If the victim expresses a negative attitude toward the behavior, as a supervisor you should speak to the harasser about his/her conduct. Put a stop to the harassment or remove the employee from the situation.

• If you are a co-worker:

-          If you observe sexual harassment toward another, comment on it to the victim.

-          Offer to support that individual if she/he wishes to complain to the supervisor or the Human Resources Department.

• If you are involved in an investigative meeting, give as detailed information as possible.

 

 

 

http://www.feminist.org/911/harass_gk.html

 

HAWAII

SEXUAL ABUSE TREATMENT CENTER

Harvor Court                                                                                

55 Merchant Street, 22nd floor                                              

Honolulu, HI 96813                                                                                   

Office:(808) 535-7600 (M-F, 8 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.)                               

24 hour Hotline: (808) 524-7273                                                                                                                                                     

               Services

                              • mostly sexual assault services

                              • free medical exam within 72 hours (of sexual assault)

                              • individual counseling (1st time free)

                              • legal advocacy

 

 

National Hotlines

 

9 to 5: National Association of Working Women

1-800-522-0925

National Victim Center

703-276-2880

1-800-FYI-CALL

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

1-800-669-EEOC

National Women's Law Center

202-588-5180

Equal Rights Advocates

415-621-0672

1800-839-4372

24 hr line: 415-621-0505

Women's Bureau

1-800-827-5335

Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund (MALDEF)

213-629-2512

Women Employed

312-782-3902

National Bar Association, Women Lawyers Division

202-842-3900

Women's Law Project

215-928-9801

National Job Problem Hotline

1-800-522-0925

 

 

 

 

 

 

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