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My
Experience with Newsgroups
On
Relationships by
Isabel
Chang
Newsgroup #1: Online relationships vs offline
relationships
Subject: Scarlet
Netters I have to admit
that I'm in a bit of a quandary here: I see so many people who have fallen in
love online, who are also involved in real-world relationships...and who are
rushing like lemmings towards the cliff of infidelity with the cry of LOVE
LOVE on their lips. I am not going to start moralizing, I promise, as
currently, I myself am hurdling through space! Its a challenge for us in the
Cyber-world to create a safe haven for mutual exploration (read: LOVE), while
it is of primary importance to protect the real-world life of the ones you
love. (If you love someone, isn't it your first priority to protect them?) So
I open the following can of worms: Does falling in TRUE love online require
that you forsake real-world relationships and responsibilities, or can we, as
Cyber-lovers, create and abide in a separate on-line reality?.... ....Our
relationship has been going on 9 months, we are both married, kids...an
neither of us wants to jeopardize our families...in fact, the amazing thing
is, my marriage has become enriched for the experience... ....Our
relationship has matured into a new era, one of absolute confidence, and deep
deep abiding faith in one another: the kind of thing that doesn't replace the
mad rush into keening, yearning desire, but rather colors it with a deep
satisfying glow that all is right in a fixed center of the universe...a place
we can abide despite the distance and inevitable silences as 'life
maintenance' goes on. As much as I envy those with close proximity to their
loves, I suspect the distance nourishes us: that the separation of our
virtual life from the real one allows us to ascend to undestracted heights
not possible in reality.... .....Yes, her little hot house bulb has brought
much of this wrinkled old weed back to life. Yes, she has a butt as firm and
round as two ruby-red grapefruit. But...When the hours spent between her legs
are over, I must give her back to her "real" world. To her husband,
family, friends, etc. While I would like to be able to do that easily, calmly
and intellectually, it is not quite so easy knowing that the only alternative
for us is tragedy. Some day she will leave. She will have children whose
faces I will never see. She may become ill and die and I will never know.
Even now I do not know her address or phone number... ... Cyber
relationships are literary relationships. The better the writer, the better
the relationship. It is likebeing in love with a character in a novel. Yes,
we can meet them, and if everything goes well, the fantasy is reinforced. For
the imagination is inexhaustible and, so long as there is no physical object
to relate to, it can invest the strongest passions in the flimsiest of
dreams.
You made one
point when you said, "Cyber relationships are literary
relationships." Like characters in a novel. That's well and good. But
dont confuse this play chatter with "love." Doing so denegrates
that emotion as well as - more importantly - the actions without which it
cannot exist. What you've described are not relationships or love affairs.
Claiming them to be such is a direct insult to all those real-world denizens
who spend their lives cultivating and maintaining the true, interactive,
no-bed-of-roses love relationships that make up one of the most basic
foundations of our society, not to mention one of its saving graces. It
weakens the very institution of marriage - and not just of those involved. If
you want to play games, play them. But know that you are doing so - dont
attempt to elevate your play-acting to the very lofty levels of one of the
most significant emotional indicators of our lives: Love. Unadulteratedly,
Nix Zeitgeist
Date: 02/19/1996 Relationships...and
who are rushing like lemmings towards the cliff of infidelity with the cry of
LOVE LOVE on their lips. This is something
new? require that you
forsake real-world relationships and responsibilities, or can we, as
Cyber-lovers, create and abide in a separate on-line reality?.... As long as you
recognize the schizophrenia of what you are doing. kids...an neither
of us wants to jeopardize our families...in fact, the amazing thing is, my
marriage has become enriched for the experience... huh? Yes, she has a
butt as firm and round as two ruby-red grapefruit. But...When the hours spent
between her legs are over, I must give her back to her Are these sexual
euphemisms? I wasn't sure. Are you aware that you are cheating on your wife?
In thought, word and deed? How do you think she would feel about that? and die and I
will never know. Even now I do not know her address or phone number... So basically, you
are having a relationship with an 'image' of a person, and not the actual
person. i.e. no grounding in reality. inexhaustible and, so long as there is
no physical object to relate to, it can invest the strongest passions in the
flimsiest of dreams. Agreed. This
whole argument approaches the 'courtly love' ideal of most medieval
literature, but its still a little wacky in our modern world. Online
relationships CAN work - but not if you are anything but totally honest from
the getgo. And you have to move offline quickly to decide if the person is
doing same with you, and then date in real life and make up some excuse about
how you two met. But throwing a life/marriage/serious relationship away for
some 'concept' of an idealized relationship is absurd. Because the sad
reality is that that person is most likely NOT to be what you thought they
were, and then, what will you have? We all like to
feel attractive, and we all like to be wanted. For a lot of people, their
online fantasy relationships fulfill this ego need in their personalities,
and they leave it at that. Other people are genuinely having trouble meeting
similar intelligent professionals because of their work hours, location, or
what I suspect is an increasing degree of isolationism in our society. The
net offers them a good way to meet a lot of people quickly in a short period
of time, learn about them, and then continue on with those who are most
interesting to them. Both these things are fine. But when people start crossing
over into relationships out of good relationships, its basically the same as
cheating. How would your partner feel? Not reccomended.
Date: 02/20/1996 Êresponsibilities, or can we, as
Cyber-lovers, createÊ and abide in a
separate on-line reality?.... "Cyber-lovers?"
Okay... Like you, I am not going to start moralizing, either. Still, your
post saddens me for reasons which would require a small army of psychiatrists
to explain. Ê....Our relationship has been going on 9
months, we are both married... What will her
husband say if you get her "Cyber-Pregnant?" Speaking of husbands,
did you hear the one about the husband who divorced his wife when he found
out about her "Cyber-Affair?" This is a wild, weird, wacky world,
guys! Ê...Cyber relationships are literary
relationships.Ê The better the writer,
the better the relationship. It is likebeing in love with a character in a
novel. Ah, now this
clears it up a bit. But if we're not careful, we are going to end up as
900-pound bedridden blobs, capable only of relating to one another via the
computer screen, always reaching out for human companionship, never fully
touching, damned within our own customized "Cyber-Prisons" we have
created for ourselves. That is my greatest fear. ..I think I'll turn off my computer
and go read a book now.
Date: 02/26/1996 ÊIn short i would just simply say ( being a simpleton anyway!) that you have struck up a good and very health kindred friendship so i think it would be helpful to avoid confusing the two and appreciate what you have the joy you have in your home life , don't jepoerdise that! If there are problems , identify them and talk about it with each other ,don't let it fester or go out of control like i have in the past, its hell and you don't need that believe me!!!
My Reactions
Newsgroup #2: On Being Single
Date: 01/26/2000 ÊBut I would rather be single than be in
silently angry, codependent unions based on mutual insecurities, unresolved
fears, lethargy and shame. ÊI would rather be alone than be in
loveless, substanceless relationships I see around me that constantly
alternate between divorce attempts and socially acceptable dysfunctional
family. ÊI would rather be alone than try to fill a
huge void in someone's distrurbed and insecure soul, which is usually an
exercise in frustration and futility. ÊI would rather struggle alone than walk
with someone whose soul isn't a part of mine. I would. Above all, I would
rather be alone with myself than be alone with someone else. Being alone has
nothing to do with being lonely.
Date: 01/27/2000 ÊBut I would rather be single than be in
silently angry, codependent unions based on mutual insecurities, unresolved
fears, lethargy and shame. Unions are evil. Closed shops are
evil. ÊI would rather be alone than be in
loveless, substanceless relationships I see around me that constantly
alternate between divorce attempts and socially acceptable dysfunctional
family. Is that what they
all tell you? ÊI would rather be alone than try to fill a
huge void in someone's distrurbed and insecure soul, which is usually an
exercise in frustration and futility. I would rather struggle alone Don't be so hard
on yoursellf-you're not as disturbed as you think!
Date: 01/27/2000 Unions are evil.
Closed shops are evil. Chris... he has
insight and is clearly facing reality! I have to agree with him 100% because
he is saying everything I have been saying and honestly feel! I do`nt think
him and I are the only ones who think and feel this way! These thoughts
and feelings come from looking around us, having had to face experiences that
clearly point to the *real* state of things... It is far better and
emotionally sager to face lonliness than to have to endure a life tiome of
ugly nasty emotionally trying relationships. That is why I have given up... I
see things are they really are.... I have faced what I can expect to face
over and over again and truely I am tired of being an idiot and a sucker to
those who want to dominate! ÊIs that what they all tell you? Don't be so
hard on yoursellf-you're not as disturbed as you think! He is not being
disturbed, he is being realistic! Having the knowledge and experience goes a
long way to avoiding getting into relationships that have a greater chance of
faliling than going anywhere that one could call happy and loving! At least it is
nice to know I am not alone in my feelings anyway! I am sure now there are
likely many more people who have yet to realize what they are *really* up
against. Some of them will find out the painful hard way, but at least some
of us have found out before it was too late!
Date: 01/28/2000 Further to what I
said above, the following speaks well what I and many others feel I am
sure... A LOVE WITHOUT
GOODBYES. A lifetime filled
with cheating hearts, all echo from my past, The "promise trues"
and "I love you's", each one was meant to last. So fine this line
of sharing, built with honesty and trust, Each vow now left inside my head,
to slowly gather dust. I struggle to
tomorrow, searching hope, yet walking blind, While broken dreams, and silent
screams, play re-runs in my mind. I try to shake, each past mistake, and meet
what lies ahead, While hearing cold reminders, of promises once said. It's hard to
feel, what's wrong from real, when shadows dim the light, I close my eyes and
dream a dream, of heaven every night. Is all I know, this history I hold, a
guiding hand? These scars I show, a lesson that I yet don't understand? Another day awaits me, in this life I call my own, A cruel delay frustrates me, as I face this world alone. Let words once said, and tears long shed, rest peaceful in this heart, I know the pain, of love in vain, will always play its part. I only pray to find one day, a love without good-byes.
My Reactions
Newsgroup #3: Do Internet Relationships Work?
Subject: Internet
Relationships ÊDo internet relationships work out?
Date: 01/11/2000 Ok, keep in mind
this is just my personal experience: I used to go to the movies with a bunch
of girls (just good friends with them), and one time one of them gave me her
older sisters ICQ contact. Her older sister was in my year at school, so I
had seen her around, and I did think she looked really nice. But she was a
fairly quiet person, at least among people she didn't know. Anyway, I started
chatting with her, and she seemed like a really nice person, in fact I kinda
got the idea she was interested from the tone of her messages, just the words
she used and things. I wanted to go watch a movie, and none of my regular
friends were available, and well I would feel a bit wierd going by myself. So
I asked her over ICQ, and she seemed fairly keen. After the movie, I knew I
couldn't just let this girl go, without at least trying to get her
interested, just something about her. Anyway, several months later, and after
meeting up very often in real life, we're going out. So online relationships
sort of do work. I don't know how well it would work if we didn't sort of
know each other in real life. So I really only met her online, and we rarely
talk online anymore, all in real life. Good luck in life
Date: 01/11/2000 Not in my case it
didn't. We had known each for nearly 18 months before any romantic elements
came into the picture. He was the one doing all the "pulling", not
me. He claimed he was in love with me etc... Then after 3 months of
canoodling his actions became very strange, he wouldn't acknowledge my
presence on ICQ, claiming his PC froze. Yeah, right. We chatted the last time
in November (I think) and he said he wanted to see me in January, 'cause he
was coming to Europe then. Need I say, I've not heard from him since. And I
really don't care. My conclusion -
there are both bad and nice guys both off- and on-line.
Date: 01/11/2000 As with ANY relationship, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
My Reactions
Newsgroup #4: Dumped Online?
Subject: dumped
online? ÊI've known this guy on the Internet for
about 18 months. We have never met in real life. We met on a chat last march.
After that we chatted a few times and sent emails. From summer'98 until June
'99 we had very little contact. Suddenly in June this year we started to chat
(ICQ) nearly every day for a month and this guy started to fall for me and I
for him. He even got my telephone number. Now due to other
circumstances we can't chat everyday. But when he's been online he seems to
be very distant. He maybe says hi and thats it. Or doesn't acknowledge his
presence in anyway when online. Like for instance tonight - I said hi and he
never responded back. Even we're been chatting for a while, he sometimes
doesn't answer back and just goes offline without saying bye or anything. But then he can
get very lovey-dovey and we even sent voicemessages last week, but even then
he went offline without saying a word. I know he has ICQ
at work and can't chat all the time. But I can't keep thinking I'm being
dumped by an Internet Casanova? Need I say he never phoned me. He even sent
an email to 40 of his friends, including at least 25 female names. (yes, I
did count the names) with his phonenumber. I don't know what
to do, should I confront him or ignore him?
Date: 08/18/1999 ÊI'd confront him and if he doesn't have a
very good explanation for it, I'd start moving on. Obviously he just wants to
play the internet. He's not considerate that you are a real person..
Date: 08/19/1999 Thanks for the
advice. I'll confront him the next time I see him. I'll let you know how it
goes.
Date:8/21/1999 I confronted the
guy concerning his behaviour. He said his PC froze or something like that.
After he answered my question he went offline........
Date: 08/20/1999 oh hun, get rid
of him. I know it hurts, but your just going to keep going around in circles
with this boy. I know I should take my own advice sometimes. Really move on.
He's not worth your trouble. You deserve someone much better. Then again..
you could always just send "Don" your birthdays and he'll try and
tell you what I have just told you :) lol. I'm kidding.. Good luck. Find
yourself someone that will treat you good girl.
Date: 08/19/1999 It sounds like he
is using you when he feels lonely. Then when things are okay off of the
internet for him, he doesn't need you. Do you know if he's seeing someone off
the internet? See the post "He doesn't want to be friends." Kind of
sounds like that arrangement to me. If you say
anything at all, the next time you see him in chat tell him what a finiky
jerk he is and to lose your email/phone #. Then use that nifty
"ignore" feature. There is no reason to ask him any questions or
answer any of his -- what he's doing is intentionally making you feel bad
(not acknowledging you, etc) and there is no excuse for that.
Date: 08/19/1999 ÊSounds to me like he has a
wife/girlfriend/hell maybe even a boyfriend who really knows? You couldn't
pick him out of a crowd of strangers could you? Well maybe you have a picture
but then again it might not be his picture at all. What I'm saying is, it's
an internet friendship. It should be taken for what it's worth. You've never
met, chances are you're not in the same state. He's saying all the things you
want to hear and saying them right BECAUSE he's not right there with you. If
you two were together in real life, and spending time, and he didnt have a
keyboard infront of him to relate to you with, then he wouldnt be able to
pick the right words, or the words you'd like to hear. I don't know, but if I
were you, I'd ignore him like he's doing you. He's not worth it, you dont
know the REAL him I'm sure. Even tho you'd like to think you do.
Date: 08/19/1999 I've seen his
pic. According to him he doesn't have a girlfriend. But then again who knows?
For a fact, we're not even in the same continent. I'm in Europe and he's in
the U.S. I'm not taking
this Internet relationship too seriously, but I deserve respect. I'm
beginning to think that this guy has some kind of pseudo-harem on the
Internet, in case his real life relationship doesn't work.
Date: 09/05/1999 Sweetie,,, online
love is hard. Ask me, I know,,, I was in love with a man online and lost him
to another online woman. Love hurts whether on or offline,,,,, Hugs, Debbie Love online, will
almost --never-- exist... Why, because most online, do not even know what
Love is, and without knowing, it is only infatuation. Most relationships
fail, when we are only infatuated, and believe we are in Love. To find out what
love --really-- is, Do a dictionary search. Look up this list of words. Keep
and 8x11 sheet of paper handy, and write down every other significant word
you find, then look them up. When you finish, you will have a sheet full of
words, and a --much-- better idea of what Love really is about. Love, Affection,
Affinity, Relationship, Friend, Friendship, Companionship, Attraction,
Compatability, Caring, Sensitive, Helpful, Generous, Sharing, and
Spirituality... You will not find SEX in these definitions. Too Many believe
Sex means Love. It does not, we can love parents, siblings, relatives,
friends, but we dont have sex with them. We can have Love without sex, and
have good relationships. Having Sex without love, does not make for lasting
relationships. Having Love first, then adding sex, makes a fantastic
relationship, that is enduring, like the one my wife and I have had over 36
years. Decades ago, I once told her, if she had an accident, so that we could
never have sex again, I would still love her, and remain with her forever.
She understood how much that meant I loved her, for I am a very sensual and
sexual person. When people
really --learn-- what Love means, and it includes all of the definitions you
will find, and more, then the divorce rate would plummit. For they would not
settle for less, would not marry until they found it. Love is NOT a 50/50
relationship we need to be willing to each give 100% of what we can give of
ourselves. We need to be willing to accept what the other can give, and
expect nothing more than what they are able to give. Then, work at doing
that, for life. IF someone is NOT willing to give 100% of themselves, and just wants to take, they are only in love with themselves, and that relationship will fail....
My Reactions
Newsgroup #5: Can you really find love online?
Subject: Can you
really find love online? Please share thoughts and stories with me!!!! Can you really
find love on the internet? I hear about old folks trying to get hip and meet
other singles. But can you really meet the man or women of your dreams in you
20-35's online. I really doubt that your suitor from the web will not be a
psycho or closet weirdo. Please tell me your thoughts on the matter. I would
like some different opinions!!
Date: 02/17/2000 ÊAre you saying that that every man or woman
who is online is some type of psychopath? Partying isn't my thing, does that
make me a "closet weirdo"? Anyways, yes, I
do believe you can find love online, but it is a difficult search just like
it is in real life. I remember my aunt once saying I should go to a club to
meet someone. "So I should go somewhere I don't want to be, and be
someone I'm not, to find someone who is going to love me for who they don't
know I am?" Doesn't make much sense to me. Now, I could see going to a
hockey game (one of my interests) and finding someone who shares my interest,
although the chances of finding someone there seems rather slim. Online, I
can talk to many people in a matter of hours, and hopefully, find that
"special someone" and a couple friends in the process. As for
"freaks", they're everywhere. Whether you're in a club, answering
the personals, or looking for love online, you have to be careful.
Date: 02/17/2000 ÊYou can find love many places, when
unexpected. Obviously online is a different place, but you have a good chance
to get to know a lot about a person, then when you eventually meet you decide
if they were telling the truth. Instead of the normal situation,....just
meeting someone out of the blue. I have some online friends - girls who I
totally trust coz I've known them a long time. I've met one and there was
nothing to be..... but we're still friends online. The others are very close
friends and if we meet someday that'll be great, and if there's a spark of
interest, then that would be fate,....no? Are you a psycho
or wierdo? Then don't think everyone else is. I'm not, but then I might not
be telling the truth =) Good to be wary,...usual rules, meet in a public
place and get to know them as real people. Admittedly maybe a bit different
from male/female perspective. I think have fun and get chatting and see where
it goes (online) use your instincts. All my other
friends are far away, so I've had no chance to meet them yet. I have heard
many good stories though, and no bad ones yet. GOOD LUCK and it can be such
fun. Use it as an EXTRA way to meet people, not the be-all-and-end-all. There
are good people online.
Date: 02/19/2000 ÊI happen to think that love can be found
online. It's just like going to a club or something in relation to that where
you know no one and have to get to know them. Of course you have to use
caution, just like everything else, but never the less love can be found. I'm
looking for it.
Date: 02/19/2000 ÊI'm in ohio and my cousin is in love with a
girl from California that he has never met. I've been talking to a girl who
seems nice too. You just have to be careful cause there are some perverts out
there....
Date:02/21/2000 Yes, I believe
you can. My sister and her fiance met online and are getting married in
September.
Date:02/21/2000 ÊWell I'm new here but I wanted to talk
about this very thing. I'm 32 and divorced and decided to not look for a
relationship just make my life the best possible. So I go on-line for friends
and end up with a 25 year old guy 2,000 miles away that I'm flying down in
July to meet. We write daily
and IM gets alot of use. And we've discussed the way it would be easy to see
what we wanted and not know the real person. But people usually idealize
people they are attracted to anyway. And we don't agree on everything but we have alot of the same interests and goals in life. So taking a risk so far has been great. And it may not work out but if it does then I have a great guy in my life and someone I can talk to and can be myself. So I think you can it just takes more of a risk . A risk that you the real you can't hold on to some one or interest them just being yourself.
My Reactions
Newsgroup #6: Best time for marriage?
Subject: Best
time for marriage? :) What is the best
age to get married? People keep telling me 25. Also, how long should a couple
be together before they get married?
Date: 02/12/2000 There is no best
time or age for marriage. When you LOVE who your with then you will know when
you want to make that commitment. But make sure your ready to make that
commitment. best of luck!
Date: 02/12/2000 when you're
certain.
Date: 02/12/2000 there is no best
age for everyone,it's gonna vary. for example i am 27 and i am nowhere near
wanting to be married,if ever,but most people by my age have already been married
and had a few kids.
Date: 02/13/2000 I though I had it
all planed out, I was going to be with a guy for at least 4 years and get
married at age 25.. was I wrong... although I know my love for 4 years I
wasn't together with him, and we gotten married when I was 18 and he was 20..
So in aswering you guestion, I believe there is not set date or time, I
think/ believe you will know when the time is right and you are fully ready
to comite yourself to another and share your life with them forever.
Date: 02/17/2000 ÊThe best time is when two hearts beat as
one, Two spirits melt together with a longing not to be separated.
My Reactions
Newsgroup #7: Which is best?
Date: 02/16/2000 Which is best? A
couple that is completely the same....or.... a couple that are complete
opposites? Which are most likely to last?
Date: 02/16/2000 ÊI think a couple that compliments eachother
with a little of both. Balance is key after all ;)
Date: 02/17/2000 I agree, it wont
work at the extreme but similarities and differences are definitely
necessary.
Date: 02/16/2000 I don't know which is best but a pair of complete opposites would drive me insane lol. I tend to like a misture of both coupled with ones strengths making the other stronger and vice versa. I think being able to deal with the others weaknesses is the ideal , and being open to listening to what bothers the other about them really gives the relationship a shot at lasting a lifetime.
My Reactions
Newsgroup #8:In Hurt, Need advice
Date: 02/12/2000 Hi I met a man a
few months ago on line,almost another planet away(different time zones)I fell
in love as soon as we started e-mailing.I just turned 37 and I am afraid I am
never going to find a mate. Besides all of our differences we connected
somehow.But recently he wanted me to send pictures(explicit ones)and I
refused.Now he won't talk to me,he has sent some to me and believes that
should return the favor.But I never asked for the pictures.I know I should
just let it go but I have been crying so hard these last few days my eye are
swollen. I am so in love with this man I don't know what to do.
Date: 02/12/2000 Just stay away
from him. That guy sounds like a disgusting creep. You write that you just
turned 37 and that you're afraid that you'll stay alone. That's the reason
why you think you're in love with that creep. Maybe you're in love. That guy
has shown you no respect and you deserve something better. My advice is -
DELETE him from your life. The sooner you do that, the sooner you'll find
someone much better.
Date: 02/13/2000 Hi, I need to say
that your position is a very hard one but at the same time = I have no doubts
(almost, we all have them... Nobody is totally = right!!).=20 I think you
should forget this guy. Just add an ignore rule on your mail = sender to
ignore the guy. What he did shouldn't be done to ANYONE... I'm sure you'll
get someone better. Remember that you have feelings and you are a true person
but not = everyone is like that. You don't know this guy for sure. He is not
more = than a bunch of pictures and an e-mail address on your monitor. It's =
hard but nobody said that life is easy!!! Best Wishes,
Date: 02/15/2000 First of all,
you're a retard...can we both agree on that? You met some guy online, and say
you're in love with him...that's retarded. Now, this sicko you don't even
know is sending you naked pictures, and wants you to send him some...and
you're crying over him? You should be glad you found out he's slime before
you fell for him any harder. Get used to the fact that you can't fall in love
with someone you haven't met before. You can't REALLY know what someone's
like just from typing to him. You're 37...grow up. He's probably sent those
pictures to every girl he meets...That's probably not even him in the
pictures!!
Date: 02/20/2000 keep looking lots of good guys out here including myself. afraid? don't be!
My Reactions
Newsgroup #9: I can't stop thinking of her
Date: 02/07/2000 I miss my
Ex-Girlfriend, we were together for 2 1/2 years, she broke up with me because
she got tired of my contolling behavior, Im going to counciling now for my
anger. She has a new boyfriend already, What should I do? Everytime i talk to
her or see her, it makes it harder and harder to get over her, this is the
most confusing thing, and its eating away at me.
Date: 02/07/2000 What should you
do? Nothing. She broke up, she has a new boyfriend. She did all the work for
you. She did you a favor by ending it because you now see you have a problem
and are doing a great job of addressing it now.
Date: 02/07/2000 ÊMove on. There isn't much you can do, the
damage has been done. Now that you have fixed your problem, or made it better
at least, you can find someone else, and hope that relationship lasts. Did
you ever hit her?
Date: 02/08/2000 Find another girl
that looks just like her. Punch her a few times to get the facial features to
match with your ex's. Then, kidnap her away from all her family, and change
her name to your exgfs. Force her to eat all the same foods, and have sex in
all the same positions. Sometimes, on special occasions, put a cut-out mask
of your ex gf on your new gf's head, and make her give you a blowjob. Just be
sure to not let her talk to anyone ever again. I'll be like you never broke
up.
Date: 02/09/2000 Whatever you do
don't stop going to counselling! Find out why you are so angry and find a
suitable solution for anger management, you and everyone that shares your
life will be grateful for that. My ex had a similar problem to yours (in my
case abuse was limited to verbal assaults & wanting to control my life)
and he stopped going for awhile, ended up in the same situation with another
girl (she was not as lucky) and ordered back to counselling by the courts. ÊEverytime i talk to her or see her, it
makes it harder and harder to get over her, this is the most confusing thing,
and its eating away at me. It's not that
confusing though it may seem to be. You did not want the relationship to end
so it is harder for you to let go. You have to take that first step and admit
to yourself that it is completely over. When my ex tried talking to me or
trying to find ways to see me I would get more and more annoyed. I was
willing to be friends with him but ONLY AFTER he admitted he had a problem
and worked on improving himself first. He violated that request by calling
all the time trying to "work things out". I hope this is not what
you are doing because it only serves to drive the person away completely and
perhaps make them a bit fearful as well.
Date: 02/10/2000 In order to try
to get over your girlfriend (which obviously is the best thing to do right
now) you should try to get your own life back together again. That's why
going to counselling is an excellent thing to do for yourself. Try to start
thinking about other things you enjoy in life. There must be more. Good luck and keep posting if it makes you feel better! My Reactions
Newsgroup #10: Jealousy, Need Help
Date: 02/03/2000 My problem is
that I'm dead jealous about my boyfriend. The funniest thing is that he has
NEVER given me a reason to be jealous.Never. I have to admit that I don't
have a very good self-esteem and I don't consider myself very attractive, and
this is obviously the reason for my feelings..But I can not help myself! well, there is
your answer right there. Feelings of jealousy usually are pointing toward
issues within ourSELVES rather than others. Your low self-esteem is making
you think things like "why is he with me?" "he's going to
leave me when he finds someone better", right? And that creates jealousy
if he does something with another person...because you fear the worst. So, you've
already come to the question.. how can you feel better about yourself? more
confident? If you can't find the path to that on your own, perhaps you should
speak with someone else... a close friend, a counselor, a family member.
Noone is going to be able to convince you that you should have high
self-esteem... you've got to do that within yourself. good luck
Date: 02/03/2000 i think it's
normal to have feelings of jealousy,but not to the point where you cry about
it. especially since he's never given you a reason to be jealous. i get
jealous too,like at work when my boyfriend is staring at a hot chick,then
he'll mention her to another male co-worker (who is married) then they sit
and drool over her....but i just look at him and go,"you ass!"
(half joking) then he smiles like he's been caught being naughty,then we go
on with our work like nothing happened. or when they're paging through a
Victoria's Secret and they're saying how hot they all are,i just look down at
my magazine and think to myself how i'll never compare...but the way us girls
feel about this stuff isn't going to change them,so it makes no difference,in
fact it would almost help if we didn't let it show. if a girl constantly
bugged her boyfriend about other girls and if she's pretty enough,i think the
guy would get sick of hearing it. so i think my advice would be to calm down
and not bring the subject up into the open anymore and let him see it don't
bother you. then he can't get mad at you and that would cause more problems.
Date: 02/03/2000 This is something
I've never understood. Women getting mad at their boyfriends/husbands for
looking at other women. I point them out to my boyfriend. I think it's
amusing when I catch him looking. Sometimes, it even turns me on. Look, your
boyfriend/husband is not going to leave you for that woman he's looking at.
Anyone who leaves their SO because of the appearance of someone else isn't
someone you'd want to be with anyway. I just don't understand this jealousy.
There's ALWAYS going to be someone prettier than you, just like there's
ALWAYS going to be someone more handsome than him. But you know what? That
beauty is nothing compared to the beauty someone sees in their lover. Don't
you realize that in the eyes of your lover, you ARE more beautiful than those
women? Those other women are beautiful to him, but you are a masterpiece. When you find a piece of artwork that you really like, in fact you think it's the most beautiful work of art you've ever seen, do you stop looking at other artwork? No. The human body is a work of art and art is meant to be appreciated. Do not feel threatened by the appreciation of art. My
Reactions
Conclusion
I have looked through a number of different newsgroups and they all covered a wide range of topics. I think different people behave differently in newsgroups. Some like to attack others while others are more kind and friendly. On the whole, I think most people in newsgroups are quite helpful to one another and are very willing to offer their own advices and suggestions to those who ask for them. The different behaviors observed in newsgroups also have to do with the kind of topics being discussed where some are more intellectual than the others. Most of the discussions above are taken from the newsgroup: alt.love and I choose them because I am very interested in the topics. I was surprised by the positive attitude of some of the people and I must say I really enjoy reading them. Many people have very interesting ideas and perspectives on thing. I also think newsgroups are a great place for the exchange of ideas and information.
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