In the spirit world our feelings are as clearly visible as physical matter is visible in the physical world. There is no such thing as lies or deception in the world of spirits because our feelings and true intentions are clearly visible to others in the world of spirits. According to Swedenborg our feelings are “active and operational only when the fibers are stimulated by the efflux of substances from the Spiritual Sun streaming into the physical body.” (TP Section 7.0). This has also been compared to turning a light switch off and on. When you have a particular feeling that means that you have activated a connection and are receiving an influx for that particular feeling, but when you do not feel that way anymore you have cut off the influx and turned the light switch off.

This statement seems very rational to me and has helped me to understand my feelings better. After reading this I realized that if I am feeling good about something and I have turned on the positive “light switch” in my mind and then my mind wanders then I think of something that has upset me, my feelings instantly change and all of the good feelings that I once had have “turned off” and the negative feelings have taken its place. I have never felt positive and negative feelings at the same time and this rationally explains why this is so.

We are all born with 2 minds, a spiritual mind and a natural mind (TP Section 7.0). The natural mind takes in input from the physical world and the spiritual world but we are only conscious of input from the physical world. After our physical death we are resuscitated and become conscious of our spiritual mind. I was extremely happy to read that those who suffer from physical disabilities are freed from these physical restraints in the afterlife (TP Section 7.0). My boyfriend’s brother is slightly mentally handicapped and I was comforted in the fact that even though he may never be able to experience many of the joys that we all take for granted he will provided with a “fully operational organ” for the rest of eternity. (TP Section 7.0)

Character Reformation

One Method that Theistic Psychology is researching in the study of character reformation is called the “Method of Affective Realignment” (TP Section 7.0). This is where one strives to change the order of one’s affection in the affective organ. If we are able to modify our affective hierarchy this will allow us to eliminate unwanted behaviors and feelings. This is accomplished by having patients talk about their problems and the therapist suggests good advice. The problem with this is that the patients must change their hierarchy of affections or talking things out will basically be pointless. (TP Section 7.1) This is very true, if someone is not ready to change what they find important in their lives you could talk till you are blue in the face and it won’t make a difference, I am a classic example of this. I was the worst student, I was given every opportunity and I wasted it.

My parents paid for a private school education where I attended Mid Pacific Institute from the seventh grade. My grades were always mediocre because my affection hierarchy put myself, fitting in and having fun at the top of my list. I would go out with my friends at all hours of the night. We would spend our weekends drinking, thinking that we were cool. It was really quite sad actually, now that I think about it. My parents pleaded with me, my mom couldn’t understand why I refused to listen to her. By the time she noticed what was going on it was too late I had already made up my mind that I wanted to have fun and that was that. I didn’t care about the future, all I cared about was what was happening at the time and having fun with people I thought were my friends.

I left Mid Pacific at the end of my sophomore year because my grades were so terrible and I enrolled at Kaiser High School. My hierarchy remained the same throughout high school, I barely attended class and I barely graduated from high school. I attended KCC for a couple years and one day I just realized that if I didn’t change my hierarchy everything that I had ever dreamed for myself as a little girl would never come true. I wouldn’t have a good job, or a nice home or even be the kind of mother that I wanted to be for my future children and most importantly I was compromising my destiny in the afterlife.

I had to change my loves and what I valued in my life! My first semester at UH I made it on the deans list, I have joined Tau Sigma Honor Society and Psi Chi Honor Society. I am trying to set a good example for my 2 younger sisters. One of which is only seven years old and I want to be the kind of sister who sets a good example. My mother works so hard to pay my tuition and I want her to know that all the sleepless nights I caused for her are now over and I am a completely different person now. Only when a person realizes why their counter productive hierarchy is wrong and why it is bad for them will they be able to let go of their selfish loves and switch to a more positive affections hierarchy. According to Theistic Psychology altruism should be one of the ruling loves in our affections hierarchy, but I feel that one cannot help others until they have helped themselves first.

Vertical Community and Spirit Societies

According to Swedenborg all those in the spirit world who share the same feelings exist together and make up different societies (TP Section 7.3). These societies then nominate a spokesperson to acts as a medium for the entire society and whatever that medium experiences there experience is then shared throughout the society. We need this connection as well as our sensory motor connection.

The example given in the text in Theistic Psychology section 7.3, it describes walking into a public bathroom and smelling a bad smell. We first use our sensory motor organ to process the bad smell. In order for us to recognize that this is a bad smell emissary spirits must be able to communicate with our spiritual mind. The feeling of repulsion or enjoyment varies on the type of society that we are connected with. The affective reaction is able to occur by having the smell hit the sensory motor part of the brain and having it react by correspondence. The sensory motor and the influx received from the spiritual society occur at the exact same time (TP Section 7.3). These three things must occur in order for us to experience the repulsion or pleasure, which in essence makes up the vertical community.

Animals also rely on this influx that enters their natural minds, but they are missing a rational and spiritual mind, animals rely on the corporeal mind or instinctive mind (TP Section 7.3). It is this reason that animals do not have an immortal life however Swedenborg did see animals in the spirit world though the affections of their human owners. These animals appear and disappear as our affections change; essentially it means that if we want them there they will be (TP Section 7.3).

I was fascinated to read that many of the different spirit societies have a direct connection with a particular body part. For example when we experience anxiety we often feel butterflies in the stomach (TP Section 7.4).

Mower’s theory of reverse Freudianism seemed like a very logical approach to tackling his issues with depression and anxiety (TP Section 7.4). Instead of ignoring our conscience we pay more attention to our conscience so that we keep ourselves from doing things that would cause us to feel guilt or anxiety, such as procrastinating on a paper then worrying the night before about how you are going to finish it in time (TP Section 7.4).

According to Theistic Psychology this is the reason for experiencing anxiety, we are given the freedom to do what our conscience is telling us to do or not (TP Section 7.4). If we do not then we experience anxiety in order to remind us to listen to our conscience. Anxiety is caused when we are deprived of love (spiritual heat) and truth (spiritual light) (TP Section 7.4). By listening to our conscience we receive this influx of love and truth and we are able to live more fulfilling lives. I believe this to be true and a good step I the right direction of character reformation. In order to avoid feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety one should try to do things that keep them from feeling this way.

Hierarchy of Affections

Many of our personality traits are formed based on our hierarchy of affections that are shaped due to the way that we live our lives. This hierarchy is also managed by the individual and God. The reason for this is that God is omnipotent and it is only rational that he is included in everything. (TP Section 7.6) It is very irrational to agree that God is omnipotent but isn’t included in all aspects of our lives including our personality. It is through this aspect that I found Theistic Psychology very appealing. Nobody bats an eye when a football player drops to one knee and says a prayer, or laughs at a scientist who goes to church and prays. However, that same scientist studies a science that is atheistic and completely denies the existence of God, this does not seem rational at all.

There are several ways and reason why God co-manages our personality traits. First it is important to understand that God keeps his presence out of our consciousness. Second, God refrains from influencing our personal decisions. Third, He prevents the occurrence that cannot in some way, shape or form be turned into good by the individual. Fourth, God influences our decisions by using the hierarchy of our choosing so that the decisions feel as if they are completely our own. (TP Section 7.6)

It is funny but the concept of where thoughts come from has never been explored in atheistic psychology. We are taught that memories are stored in the hippocampus, which is a structure located inside of the brain. This is one of the reasons why it is very common for the idea that many peoples first reaction to the idea that God is a co-manager of our thoughts is often rejected. The other reason it that when merely hearing this statement it suggests that if God is co-managing our thoughts and feelings then we are merely biological robots and God is completely in control of everything.

“As of Self”

This is where the concept of the “As of Self” comes in. There are 2 concepts that are very important to remember about the “As of Self”. In the Writings, Swedenborg tries to clarify this so that we are able to understand how we are truly ourselves and how God co-manages our thoughts and feelings because he is omnipotent. There are 2 main points to remember about the “As of Self”. The first is that God does co-manage us with absolute power and the second is that we are the ones who are responsible for the decisions that we make. (TP Section 7.6)

I too had a hard time with this concept when I first heard it. In fact I thought it was completely nuts! How can God be telling me what to do, how to feel and what I’m thinking? It was the first time I had ever heard a concept like that. After I heard the mechanics of it and why the concept of the “As of Self” exists then it sounded rational and something that was possible. The thing that the most fascinating thing about Theistic Psychology is that there is a rational explanation for everything. Not only is there a rational explanation for everything but also there are various different reasons for everything, and they all fit together in harmony. Nothing I have read in Theistic Psychology contradicts anything else.

The analogy given in the Theistic Psychology to help clarify the “As of Self” was one of the chess teacher and student. At first when the chess teacher is instructing the student on how to play chess, eventually the student will begin to understand the rules of chess and want to try to play a game all on their own. This reaction is especially true in children, through adolescence all the way to young adulthood, which is the desire to do things all on their own and the ability to make their own decisions. If you do not allow them to play the game on their own they will lose interest and they will stop participating. This is a natural reaction that comes from the “self” that refuses to have their decisions made for them.

Unless the appearance of control exists for the individual will not be truly happy. (TP Section 7.6) This is the reason why his presence is kept from us. If we were aware of His co-presence then we would lose the willingness to be active, we would lose the motivation to live our lives and instead we would sit around waiting for God to will us to do his bidding. (TP Section 7.6)

The “As of Self” is the reason why God must hide his presence from us in the physical sense as well. If He spoke to us from a big booming voice from the sky we would be made aware of his co-presence and like I said earlier many would lose the motivation to keep living life. (TP Section 7.6) Many people are willing to accept the fact that God knows their own personal thoughts and feelings but many would probably react badly if they suddenly discovered that He helped to manage our thoughts and feelings. Swedenborg was one rare exception to this rule. He was given the gift of being conscious of the physical and mental world because of his scientific background so that he could properly document what he saw and experienced.

In ancient times there was no need for the “As of Self” because they were these people had a single brain. Meaning there was no left and right hemisphere of the brain. The single brain civilization was not able to hide our emotions as we are and they had a direct, conscious relationship with God. This race eventually died out because some people discovered how to manipulate others for self gain thus causing the “celestial race” to die out. (TP Section 7.6) God loves us with our flaws and all so he then created the split-brained race. We are all descendants of the first split-brained race. The left hemisphere specializes in cognition and the right hemisphere specializes in the affective area. (TP Section 7.6) Swedenborg was the first scientist to discover that the brain was split into two hemispheres; in fact he made this discovery 100 years before the other scientist wrote about it. (TP Section 7.6)

The reason why God created the split brained race is because if our thinking and feelings were not independently operational we would not be able to go through character reformation which in turn means that we wouldn’t be able to spend our eternity in heaven. (TP Section 7.6) The reason for this separation is because we need to be able to learn about morals and the right things to do, such as demonstrate altruism with our cognitive organ, so that we can use that knowledge and resist the temptations of the affective organ that may be contrary to the principle learned by the cognitive organ. (TP Section 7.6) The higher we rank a principle in our cognitive organ the more likely we are to obey that principle and will be able to change our behavior.

This is concept is also similar to one that is found in 12 step programs that help to treat addictions. This uses the power of self-regulatory sentences to change an unwanted behavior. If we say the affirmation to our selves over and over again it may be possible to change our hierarchy of affections to include the affirmation and get rid of self-destructive behavior. (TP Section 7.6)

Heaven and Hell

According to The Writings, Swedenborg was able to observe the places where good and evil dwell. (TP Section 7.7) In chemistry we learn that opposite charged atoms attract, the opposite is true in Theistic Psychology. He was able to determine through observation that good and evil could never co-exist with each other, and they are constantly dueling with each other. When we are in the heavens of our mind no evil exists there. In Heaven we are able to bask in the glow of the Spiritual Sun where only truth and love exists. The same goes for the hell of our mind; good and truth are nowhere to be found down in the depths of hell. (TP Section 7.7)

We get to hell by holding on to our evil loves. I know that I had just stated that love does not exist in hell so how is this possible? Well evil loves are not really love it is really lusts. (TP Section 7.7). We experience these negative lustful feelings when we experience pleasure in seeing other people hurt, when we purposely try to hurt other people or when we allow pessimism to determine our outlook on life. (TP Section 7.7) These lusts are very dangerous because these “loves” are never able to be satisfied. These hellish loves come from a hellish spiritual community that shares the same evil love as the individual. Although it is the love of the hellish community that makes it possible for the individual on Earth to experience it as if it were their own, it is also the person’s choice whether or not they want that connection. As I stated earlier it is God that makes this connection to the spiritual community possible but it is ultimately our decision which spiritual community he connects us to.

On the other hand, when we are in the heavens of our mind God is able to connect us to the good spirits or angels in heaven. Many studies have found that those individuals who have positive feelings about themselves and others are able to be more successful in their lives. Theistic Psychology posses a good question, if optimism and positive attitude are characteristics of those who are more successful then why are there so many people who have cynical, pessimistic outlooks on life have very successful careers. Personally I think that a good career can definitely boost ones happiness but just because you have a successful career doesn’t ensure happiness and the opportunity to spend eternity in heaven. I know many celebrities who have extremely successful careers but are miserable just the same.

According to Theistic Psychology God gives us these negative and positive feelings at certain times that can produce results that “are the most useful to the individual” (TP Section 7.9). However, the human being has the last say on whether or not they have learned anything from what God has shown them and is able to embrace or reject truth and love. (TP Section 7.9). In my own life as I look back in retrospect I think, in fact I know that I had to experience the things that I experienced to become the person that I am today. I had to make my mistakes by giving into temptations that were not heavenly in nature so that I would have the knowledge and the life experience to know that I should be rejecting those same temptations if they were to happen again later in my life. You always hear people say that they wish they knew then what they know now, and I am a true believer in that saying but unfortunately the world doesn’t work that way. I think that the most important thing you can do is learn from the positive and negative decisions that we have made in our lives.

It is very essential that we experience the positive and negative changes in our mood so that we are better able to understand our weaknesses and ourselves because without this understanding we wouldn’t be able to undergo character reformation. Without character reformation there is no way we will be able to spend our eternity in heaven. (TP Section 7.8). According to Theistic Psychology anger is used by God as a tool to benefit the individual.

Evil As a Tool For Salvation

God uses anger as a tool in the hopes that the anger will be used on the long road of character reformation. This poses a question if anger is evil then why does God choose to allow us to experience it. One of the reasons why God chooses anger is quite obvious. When we experience feelings of rage and anger it is the complete opposite from what we all know is good and heavenly. The feeling of anger is given to us so that we become aware that we are feeling something that isn’t heavenly and there for we are doing something wrong. It is very important to remember that God does not give evil loves to us, nothing evil can come from God. Good and pure love flows out from him but it is us, humans who invert the love changing it into its opposite.

This poses another question; If God is in control of our thought and feelings then why does He allow any evil in at all. Why does He allow a murder or a rape to be committed because He is omnipotent and He is able to intervene if He feels it will be for the greater good, or even better He could cut our connection to evil completely.

It is important to understand that God allows everything to happen that will be the most beneficial to the human race, if He did not that would be completely irrational and wouldn’t make any sense. God has the option of taking away our “As of Self” stripping us from the freedom to make our own choices but by doing so it would strip us from being given the possibility to spend eternity in heaven. Angels would fall from the heavens because there wouldn’t even be a heaven if we were forced to worship God. That isn’t pure love and truth and therefore we wouldn’t even be given the opportunity to spend our afterlives in heaven. The reason He doesn’t just cut the strings of evil from the human race is because as I said earlier we are innately evil and sometimes that evil must be brought to our attention in order for us to conquer it.

Sacred Scripture

Sacred Scripture is also a big part of Theistic Psychology; he used the New and Old Testaments and compared the two with internal analysis. (7.9) Swedenborg did not use his correspondences to extract deeper, spiritual meaning from other types of Sacred Scripture however more research in this area would be invaluable because a deeper meaning can be extracted from all types of Sacred Scripture not just from the Bibles. The example given in the text is the use of the name Jacob actually represents the external natural mind or when Isaac is used that represents the spiritual mind. (TP Section 7.9) When we use these correspondences on whole passages in the Bible we are able to extract the spiritual meaning behind the literal words. Swedenborg noted that when he saw people reading the Bible the natural mind only thought of history and the literal meanings of the writing, but never of the spiritual meaning. However, the spiritual society that was connected to that person were only thinking of the spiritual meanings. You may be wondering why this is so, since we get our feeling through this influx, why aren’t we thinking the same way as the spirits. The reason for this is because the spirits are only able to think in the spiritual language. Their physical bodies are gone and they no longer think of things in terms of the natural world. (TP Section 7.9) In fact Swedenborg found that this was one way he could communicate with a heavenly society, he would read the Bible and be connected with a heavenly society because by reading a sentence filled with good and truth these sentences are most loved by heavenly societies. (TP Section 7.9)

Swedenborg was able to read Sacred Scripture and be able to extract a deeper, spiritual meaning aside from the literal meaning (TP Section 7.9). He also found that if you were to combine the New and Old Testaments together and use the laws of correspondences to extract the deeper meaning inside of them it would be like reading one large book. (TP Section 7.9) Swedenborg found that the two complement each other and that indeed they are not two different versions of the Bible but are indeed one book written centuries apart from each other.

If there wasn’t a deeper meaning behind Sacred Scripture then how can you explain the fact that if we use the laws of correspondences to decipher the spiritual meaning how is it possible that the two versions of the Bible, written by various different authors, who were separated by hundreds of years are able to make perfect sense and fit together in perfect harmony to make one book (TP Section 7.9).

It is important to understand how Swedenborg was able to extract the hidden spiritual meaning behind things that happened on Earth. He was able to do this because of his dual consciousness, which he was given for the last 27 years of his life on Earth. (TP Section 7.10). This dual consciousness allowed him to see people’s thoughts and feelings and how that correlated in the spirit world. For example, if he saw someone who was harboring irrational feelings and angry thoughts, Swedenborg was able to see the landscape in the spiritual world change to a cloudy, dark place void of all vegetation. However if Swedenborg came in contact with someone who was consumed with rational thoughts and was mentally at peace then the environment in the spiritual world changed to a warm, sunny place full of trees and plants. (TP Section 7.10). When he spoke to these contrasting people about spiritual things the irrational people with the angry thoughts ones of which were plotting against others Swedenborg could see that the spiritual world became that of which was filled with many dangerous animals such as scorpions, snakes and horrible odors such as feces and death. On the other side of the spectrum, those who spoke of spiritual topics such as love and truth were surrounded by herds of beautiful horses. (TP Section 7.10).

This is how Swedenborg was able to decipher the Bible’s, when he read the word Jacob he was able to see in the spiritual world that this means the natural mind and he wrote them all down documenting the laws of correspondences. (TP Section 7.10).

As you may be aware there are several theories stating that they have cracked a secret code found in the Bible using mathematical patterns among other things. Even if what was found is true all these theories are only extracting another natural meaning which has nothing to do with the spiritual one. (TP Section 7.10)

According to Swedenborg there are three levels of the mind, the celestial rational, spiritual rational and natural rational (TP Section 7.10). At the same time there are also three levels of Divine Speech and three evolutionary stages to Divine Speech. The Old Testament took a very literal approach to religion, and then came the New Testament, which incorporated abstract principle as thoughts, and lastly the Writings of Swedenborg. (TP Section 7.11). Each of these Sacred Scriptures represents a new and elevated level of consciousness.

Character Reformation Part II

Another technique used in Theistic Psychology to aid the character reformation process is “Focusing”. Introduced by Dr. Eugene Gendin, focusing is when we practice self-witnessing techniques (TP Section 7.1). These techniques are relevant to Theistic Psychology because we practice this technique by using memories that are stored in the corporeal mind. (TP Section 7.1). Our corporeal mind is where the rational mind stores all of the memories that the physical body experiences on Earth are stored. (TP Section 1.2). The technique of “focusing” makes us “responsible for our character habits in so far that we are aware of them”. It is ultimately our responsibility to acquire those skills that we use to bring our character habits to our attention. (TP Section 7.1).

An example of the self-witnessing technique is when we verbalize our thoughts, which can either be done internally or out loud. This technique allows us to understand our thought process better and allows us to see our hierarch of affections. It gives us the opportunity to see if we are the kind of people who are more altruistic and try to do things for the greater good of everyone or for the greater good of ourselves. (TP Section 7.1). The more you practice this focusing technique the farther you expand your knowledge of your personal habits. By doing this expansion we are able to reach higher levels of spirituality.

I believe that this is true, and we are ultimately responsible for what we allow ourselves to be aware of. I do not think that ignorance is an excuse for bad personal decisions. I believe that sometimes we all do things to unintentionally hurt other people’s feelings but that is not an excuse to keep doing them. Once we are made aware how our behavior negatively impacts ourselves and others it is important that we take the appropriate steps to modify that behavior on the long, endless cycle of regeneration.

Ruling Loves

According to Theistic Psychology every mind is constructed from the substances that stream out of the Spiritual Sun and that each mind is made from the same substances it is just our individual uniqueness that make each mind different from every other mind. (TP Section 6.0). The Spiritual Sun is in the heavens of the spiritual world; it is the aura of the Divine Human. Everyone who is in the heavens is able to see the Spiritual Sun, and those who are in the higher levels of Heaven are able to see Him more clearly. As human beings we are all born with a spiritual mind that is created by the Spiritual Sun and we are all born with a physical mind on Earth, which was created by the natural sun. (TP Section 6.0). This is what it means to have a dual citizenship.

Those of us who were able to regenerate ourselves to the highest, most rational levels of our mind are called “higher angels” or celestial angels. These angels are given the responsibility to help those who have just entered consciousness into the spiritual world. (TP Section 6.0). They exist in the highest levels of heaven but come down to the world of spirits to help us rationally understand the laws of the spirit world. The world of spirits is the mid point between heaven and hell. When we physically die on Earth we are resuscitated in the world of spirits. In the case of Swedenborg, he was still alive so his consciousness was in the world of spirits so the “higher angels” would bring individuals back from heaven or hell to the world of spirits so that Swedenborg could communicate with these individuals asking them questions about their lives on Earth. (TP Section 6.0). I would assume that Swedenborg was concerned about this because our actions on Earth dictate our eternal destiny. In the afterlife opposites do not attract. If we are able to enter heaven all of the evil in us disappears because God cuts our evil ties and the same goes for hell, when we enter hell all of our good memories are cut and are banished from our minds. When the angels brought these individuals back to the world of spirits all of their memories came back to them. (TP Section 6.0).

Swedenborg was the only one who was given the ability to be conscious in the physical world and the mental world. I said earlier that God must hide his presence from us because it would cause great harm to the human race. If this is so then why was Swedenborg unharmed by his experience. The reason for this is because he was protected from harm by these “higher angels”. For the 27 years that Swedenborg was conscious of his dual citizenship these angels were constantly with him at all times, like a bodyguard. (TP Section 6.0). According to Theistic Psychology when Swedenborg spoke to these angels he spoke in his natural Earthly language, Swedish but when the angels would respond to him the spoke the spiritual language. When Swedenborg communicated with other spirits, and many were interested in talking with him because they could see that he was still alive on Earth, they spoke in the spiritual language and he spoke Swedish and there were no communication barriers. (TP Section 6.0). This must mean that we all have a common mental mechanism that allows us to understand various spiritual, natural languages.

When we experience our physical death we are resuscitated, we go through many mental changes. These mental changes occur so that we are put “in touch” with our ruling loves. Our ruling loves is what determines where whether or not we go to heaven or hell. (TP Section 6.0.1). Once our ruling loves have been decided then we experience our second death where we are sent to heaven or hell for all of eternity. On the road to discovering our ruling loves all of the masked feelings and things we do to cover up our true feelings melt away leaving our true selves exposed.

We all have feelings that are not always virtuous and go against what we know is the right thing to do, but if we consciously make the right decisions for the right reasons, that will be our ruling love. For example, a boy stops sees two women carrying heavy bags one is an elderly woman and one is very attractive, the boy decides to help the elderly woman with her bags because he knows the attractive woman is watching and is hoping to impress her. His good deed loses all of its merit because he is helping that old woman for the wrong reasons. However, if that same boy were to see those two women and for a moment he wants to ditch the old lady and help the attractive woman first but changes his mind and decides that he should help the elderly woman because she needs the help more, even though he has a flash of selfish feelings his ruling love of altruism intervened and his conscious told him what was the right thing to do.

There are many people who choose to hold on to ruling loves that contradict what their conscience is telling them. According to Theistic Psychology every individual is born with a conscience. (TP Section 6.0.1). The conscience is God’s weapon against anti social feelings such as murder, rape, and other violent crimes.

Sometimes I wonder if that statement is true, especially with murder cases like that of Scott Peterson. Laci Peterson was a 27-year-old mother to be who was brutally murdered by her husband in December of 2003. After her disappearance Scott admitted to an affair with another woman and at the time of his arrest was found nearby the Mexican border with his hair died, sporting a newly grown goatee and in his possession was $10,000.00 in cash which is the maximum allowed to be carried across the boarder without having to notify authorities. Scott Peterson showed absolutely no signs of remorse or guilt. He was not a torched soul racked with a guilty conscience. I know that every human being is born with a conscience but if so then why do people like Scott Peterson exist?

Those who suppress their antisocial ruling loves by listening to their conscience are able to eventually kill the desire for those evils loves. The reason for this is because all loves are based on a hierarchy, the ruling love is at the top of the pyramid with other antisocial loves below it. If we are able to resist our antisocial ruling love then it will also kill the antisocial loves that fall below it in the hierarchy. Once the ruling love is suppressed a new heavenly love is able to take its place. (TP Section 6.0.1). This is the main concept of regeneration.

Regeneration

I believe this principle to be true I don’t think that it is possible to make an active decision to resist evil temptations only to replace them with another evil love. If we are able to turn our backs on evil and make a U – turn in our lives, the only other place that we can go is to the complete opposite side of the spectrum.

The only way we are able to regenerate ourselves is by resisting temptations that contradict what our conscience is telling us what is moral, right and true. (TP Section 6.0.1). It is through temptations that we are able to see what our ruling love truly is. When we experience a temptation we are made aware of certain feelings that we may or may not have known existed. The point of temptations is to put our loves right in front of our faces giving us pressure to act upon them. The deeper the love, the harder it is for us to resist. (TP section 6.0.1). According to Theistic Psychology we don’t have any control over which hells grab a hold of us, these hells desperately want us to succumb to their temptations and suck us into the hells of our mind, joining our loves with theirs. They succeed when we give into our hellish desires and find pleasure in the evils. They keep the pressure on us until the temptations manifest itself into a hellish love.

It is through God and our “as if ours” that we are able to turn away from the evil temptation. I think that when we understand why God has given us these temptations I feel that it makes the temptation easier to resist. I understand that these temptations are not put in front of me so that I can take advantage of the quick fix and experience instant gratification but so that I am able to identify certain qualities that I have that are not so heavenly and give me the strength and understanding to resist them.

It is this level of rationality that separates humans from animals and makes humans accountable for their own actions. Humans are born with three distinct levels of the mind, what sets us apart is our rational portion; humans also possess a natural corporeal and a natural sensuous part of the mind. (6.0.1).

The concept of the three levels of the mind is also supported by theories in psychology today. In the corporeal mind both humans and animals are able to learn new habits. (TP Section 6.0.1). Such a theory that supports this claim is Pavlov’s classical conditioning theory, where a conditioned stimulus is paired with an unconditioned stimulus and the conditioned stimulus is able to cause an unconditioned response. The sound of a bell was paired with food and soon the dogs began salivating to the sound of the bell alone. These laws are not governed by rationality because they are natural. This type of learning does not make us humans because animals are able to do this, it is demonstrated everyday when we teach our pet a new trick. What make humans special are our rational spiritual minds.

It could be argued that language barriers keep animals from developing or even vocalizing rational ideas but this isn’t true. Dolphins have brains that are larger than a humans and appears to be just a convoluted as our own but when they are taught sign language they have nothing to say beyond corporeal levels of thinking. (TP Section 6.0.1). Dolphins do not have any deep thoughts or emotions to share with us except the ability to express such things as hunger.

According to the writings we are all born with traits that are inherited and traits that are learned. Even though we are born with certain traits we are still able to change them through self-modification. (TP Section 6.0.1). We are the descendents of the split-brained race, which replaced the first civilization that was allowed to be conscious in the spiritual world (TP Section 6.0.1). Our ancestors were responsible for what is known in Theistic Psychology as “The Fall”. The first civilization fell because a few individuals used the purity of the first race to their advantage for personal gain, this caused the fall and the birth of the split brained race, it is through them we have inherited these flaws. This is why character reformation is necessary for all of us, nobody is born perfect and the only way to erase the negative traits we inherited is through character reformation. It is important for us to trade in our “inherited proprium” for a heavenly one. (TP Section 6.0.1)

In Theistic Psychology the concept of the proprium refers to the “conscious self” or “our own self”. In order for us to align ourselves with a heavenly proprium is to allow ourselves to be guided by God. When we deny God’s guidance we are setting ourselves up to keep our hellish proprium. (TP Section 6.0.1)

In order for our proprium to be ours we must feel that it is our choice and we have the freedom to stick to our choice or change our minds. If we make a decision out of necessity or because we are threatened it does not constitute as something that is our love and therefore it is not our own and not part of our proprium. (TP Section 6.0.5). Our destiny in the afterlife only consists of things that are in our proprium.

I feel that this statement is true, I also feel that the things that we do out of necessity are also reflections of our character as well. I would compare this to studying for a biology exam; most people would not read a biology textbook for fun. We read the textbook out of necessity because if we do not study, we will not pass the test. There are other things that we would all rather be doing, such as watching television or spending time with friends but we are at home reading our biology textbook. I think that the active decision to dedicate ones self to studying is a huge reflection of someone’s loves and therefore are a huge part of someone’s proprium. On the other hand say I am a very messy person and I clean the house because my mother is going to yell at me if I don’t clean, my choice to clean has nothing to do with my proprium because if she didn’t yell at me I would never do it on my own, cleaning is not my own proprium, but my mothers. Still, this does apply to my love for not aggravating my mother, even if it doesn’t apply to cleaning house.

It is important for us to understand that things such as appearances do not transfer over into the afterlife so we should not spend so much time worrying about what we look like or what other people think of us. Today’s society is so focused on appearances that it is easy to get caught up in such things but it is important to remember that these things won’t even matter in the spirit world so we can’t devote so much time and energy into our exterior and we need to focus on the interior. It is important to remember that taking time to refine ones appearance is not hellish until it crosses over into the plane of vanity.

Swedenborg said that when we die and are made conscious in the world of spirits we appear to be of physical body with whom our youth is fully restored and our sensitivity and health are far superior to what we had on Earth. (TP Section 6.0.5). For the first few weeks after our physical death all of our memories and knowledge acquired on Earth are still intact. Here we meet with relatives that have passed on and live in an environment that mirrors the physical environment that we have left behind. It is during this time that our real loves are plucked from what is shrouded in our personality and appearances. We are not able to resist our urges because things that influence our decision are pushed out of the way to reveal our true, raw selves. Once this has happened our eternal destiny is sealed, we are compelled to fully immerse ourselves in our ruling love. (TP Section 6.0.5)

I found it fascinating that God gives us the opportunity to discover ourselves before our fate in the afterlife is sealed. If we are not able to resist temptations here on Earth then we won’t be able to change our ruling love in the spirit world. The experiences that we go through when we are resuscitated reminded me of a book that I read recently. It is called “The Three People You Meet in Heaven” by Mitch Albom. The book is about an elderly man named Eddie. Eddie passes away on his 83^rd birthday from a tragic accident and is suddenly awakened in the spirit world. In the spirit world God him meet with five people who have changed the paths of his life forever, some people he knew very well, others not so well but each of these people had a huge impact on the direction of his life. Meeting with these five people allow Eddie to understand his life better and gives him the clarity that he lacked on Earth. It was a lovely book that I highly recommend reading; it is a very short book that can easily be finished in a day.

Whenever we give up a love and every love within that particular love without any exceptions we have obtained a “new will”. This must be done other wise during the second death we will not be able to be resuscitated into the heavens of our mind but we will have chosen to be submerged into the hells of our mind. Whether or not we spend eternity in the afterlife completely depends of our everyday choices. (TP Section 6.0.5)

I began contemplating what I wanted to do with my bachelor’s degree in psychology. I had told him that I had hopes of getting into medical school because I was not interested in getting a masters degree in psychology. I was considering psychiatry because I wanted to help people. Then he said something that was very interesting to me, he said that I didn’t have to go into psychiatry to help people. I could anything and I could still help people. The answer I gave was a cookie cutter answer from propaganda that I was taught from a very young age. We are all given the misconception that if we want to help people then we must be doctors, nurses, psychiatrists because these are the helping professions, so if I want to help people then these are my only options.

I had never heard that perspective before and after I really processed what he had told me I realized that he was right. I could still dedicate my life to helping others without being a psychiatrist. There are deeper reasons why I want to go into psychiatry and helping others is still a huge reason why I feel I could be a good psychiatrist but hearing this gave me the opportunity to look inside of myself and see why I had chosen to pursue this profession.

My point is that it doesn’t matter what kind of job we have, that doesn’t determine if we dedicate our lives to helping others. The everyday choices that we make such as whether or not we decide to listen to our divine psychologist and resist the temptation to be lazy and get up and do something constructive. It could be as small as contributing some food to a canned food drive, it is these everyday choices that make up our will, our proprium, our afterlife.

Influx

As you already know God is omnipotent and the way he is able to maintain this control is through what is known in Theistic Psychology as an influx. There are two types of influx, immediate and mediate. God is able to maintain control in an orderly fashion starting with firsts and ending with lasts. This order is what shapes the Laws of Correspondences that starts with higher and ends with lower; this begins with the Spiritual Sun. (TP Section 6.0.5.1)

Every object that exists in the universe receives a constant influx from God. This is what is known as the immediate influx. It would be irrational to believe that God created the universe and everything inside of the universe then he cuts that influx leaving the world to continue on according to laws that He created. (TP Section 6.0.5.1). Rocks, trees, birds and humans all receive this immediate influx.

Immediate influx is not the only kind of influx that we receive from God. What makes humans unique is that we are able to receive a mediate influx; this influx gives us the ability to have rationality and intelligence. God is the only being who has this rationality and it is because of this influx that our level of consciousness is possible in human beings. The human mind is the only organic life form that is able to receive this mediate influx. (TP Section 6.0.5.1)

Consciousness is not something that is only our own or something that we possess, but something that can be compared to a radio broadcast. The human mind is a receptor that is able to receive this broadcast that is beamed out of the Spiritual Sun. (TP Section 6.0.5.1). Humans receive this influx from the moment we are born and for the rest of eternity.

This mediate influx can be explained through Divine Speech. The rational portion of Divine Speech emanates from the Spiritual down through the different layers of heaven and into the different layers of the mind. Divine Speech levels of rationality changes as it travels through the different layers of the mind. For example the highest level of understanding of Divine Speech is Sacred Scripture that is written in Celestial Correspondences. As Divine Speech works its way down the different layers of the mind it then becomes Spiritual Correspondences, which is a lower form of rationality. Finally it filters down to become Spiritual Natural Correspondences, which is the lowest heaven in the human mind. (TP Section 6.0.5.1). Divine Speech that descended into the physical world by natural language does this by means of Natural Correspondences. This is the kind of the Sacred Scripture that we are all familiar with.

This concept of Theistic Psychology has helped me to understand humans and all other things that make up the universe and our shared connection to God. I had always felt that God was apart of every living creature, but I also felt that He was apart of all the physical matter that surrounded me but I was confused about how we were all connected together. As human beings we have a responsibility because we are the only creatures on Earth that were granted the gift of rationality and intelligence.

God Loves

Before what is known as “The Fall” humans were able to have direct, sensuous contact with God. For this reason there was no need to write Sacred Scripture because of this direct contact with God. This ancient civilization was able to have is dual consciousness that was granted to Swedenborg. These individuals began misusing their sensuous consciousness of Divine Speech using their knowledge of correspondences for their own personal gain. This Celestial race had to be extinguished in order for the human race to go on God created the split brained, spiritual race.

Now we are required to undergo regeneration that allows us to build a new will by resisting temptations. We are able to undergo these changes in character because of the Divine Speech that flows from God into all of us in the form of Divine Speech. Divine Speech is both internal and external; the internal form of Divine Speech is our conscious, which helps us to make wise decisions, external forms of Divine Speech through Sacred Scripture in our natural language. (TP Section 6.0.5.1)

The main difference between the celestial and spiritual races is the formation of the heavenly will. (TP Section 6.0.5.2). The celestial race had direct communication with God so they could be taught through this connection, heaven and their ruling love was one that went along with God’s rationality. The spiritual race was born with a connection to both the heavens and hells, which means that our lives are full disorder and irrationality. This means that it is up to us to regenerate ourselves through our daily choices. Only through this regeneration will we be able to build a heavenly proprium and give ability to spend our afterlives in heaven. (TP Section 6.0.5.2)

By looking at the whole picture I have a much better understanding why God sometimes puts obstacles in our paths. It is not because He does not love us, it is not because He doesn’t care, and none of it is because of chance. Our ancestors, the celestial race made a mistake, and because of that mistake we could no longer have a sensuous relationship with God and were born with hereditary ties to hell. It is because of these ties to hell that we must regenerate to develop a heavenly proprium.

If God had forced the celestial race to stop abusing their powers they would become robots and love is not something that can ever be forced. If God wanted to be worshiped we would all be robots but that is not the kind of relationship that God is looking for. He wants us to have the opportunity to spend our eternity in heaven and this would not be possible if we were not acting upon our own will. God knows what our weaknesses are and puts these temptations in our paths so that we have the opportunity to listen to our conscience and regenerate. I think that gaining this better understanding helps to give me the strength to understand why things like this happen to me and change what it is about myself that is not heavenly or rational.

My Reformation

One instance that I think Theistic Psychology has helped me is issues that I have with materialism. I love expensive bags, Fendi, Prada, Armani and my absolute favorite Louis Vuitton. I think that this love almost bordered on obsession. I would purchase expensive wallets and bags and I would spend so much of my money purchasing these items that I dedicated much of my time working and hoarding my money so that I could purchase the new fall bag that Louis Vuitton released. I lost sight of things that should really be important to me. I still love Louis Vuitton and sometimes I feel a little sad when I walk past the window, but I definitely have changed my priorities. Now I enjoy spending my money on things like having a good time with the people who are most important in my life more than saving all of it and spending it all on myself.

Unity Model

For most of history the relationship between men and women has been predominantly male dominated, this has a lot to due with culture and the kind of environment we are brought up in. Theistic psychology tries to implement a new model into marriage relationships called the unity model. It is by following this model couples are able to experience true conjugial love. (TP Section 11.0)

Women are able to enter into the state of conjugial love easier than their husbands. The unity model is the celestial model for a relationship and represents the type of marriage relationships that are found in heaven. (TP Section 11.0)

A wife in the heavens of her mind is conjoined with the mind of her husband and they are conjoined as one. The wife is nothing like her husband, they are completely different hence when they join together they fit very well, it could also be compared to organs in the body and how they have different functions but one cannot work properly without the other. Marriage is the unity of two independent minds that have been conjoined for all of eternity growing together. (TP Section 11.0)

I embrace this model and hope to find the kind of relationship that mirrors this way of thinking. Two partners that are equal in a relationship, who both bring different things to the table complementing each other and sharing the kind of love that can last through all of eternity. Today’s society is still male dominated and to be introduced to a marriage model that promotes unity and equality is refreshing, especially since many of the principles focus on the woman.

According to Theistic Psychology a marriage is described as “a synergy of the husband and wife operating together through their differentiated structures, to create a unity of mind that allows the two independent people to form a conjugial couple, conjoined internally to eternity and developing together their progressive perfection.” (TP Section 11.0).

This sounds like a beautiful concept that I wish to someday achieve, unfortunately to me it sounds almost to too good to be true. I believe that this kind of idyllic relationship does exist but it also seems so rare, especially in today in the twenty first century. Today we live in a world where infidelity is a common place, divorce occurs so often that in many cases it is surprising if a couple is still together instead of broken up.

Theistic Psychology is not saying that a perfect marriage is one where the couple never gets into arguments but what it does say is that the individuals who are in a “perfect” marriage are those who continually grow into a conjugial couple. (TP Section 11.0). What makes the marriage perfect is that it is the path to achieving the perfect state of life, and a way to achieve the perfect afterlife. It involves two independent people who begin the process of becoming more unified and time goes on and this process continues in eternity. In Theistic Psychology there is no other mechanism other than a marriage that allows individuals to do this. (TP Section 11.0)

There are two types of marriage, an external, natural marriage and a spiritual marriage (TP Section 11.0). Marriages that are purely external, which means that they lack the spiritual side of a marriage, are not perfect. These marriages are racked with problems and end up being more destructive than anything else. A marriage can only achieve perfection if it is a spiritual marriage, which is also referred to as “the marriage of good and truth” (TP Section 11.0). It is through this type of marriage that regeneration is able to occur as these individuals grow together cementing their complete bliss together in the afterlife. (TP Section 11.0)

I would like to know how we are able to determine whether or not a marriage is a spiritual union or and external one. I think that the feeling of love between a man and a woman can be very deceptive. I don’t think that many couples would get married if they truly believed that their union was merely external. How can we be absolutely sure that the person that we feel we are in love with is the person that we can be spiritually married to as well?

One of the explanations as to why the spiritual marriage model works well is because of the concept of duality. For example, love and truth are nothing alike but one cannot exist without the other. A man is nothing like a woman but they unite to create a perfect oneness with each other. I think that this concept travels beyond just Theistic Psychology, like the symbol of yin and yang, the two are day and night yet they complete each other.

The unity of good and truth that takes place in the Divine Human is the source of perfection that fuels individuals’ ability to regenerate and the unity marriage model between and man and a woman. Spiritual development of the individual occurs when the marriage between the cognitive and affective organs which represents the will and understanding continue to progress together in harmony.

Swedenborg was able to talk to individuals who were born with a celestial mind; these individuals have existed with a perfect harmony of conjugial love from the time that they had entered heaven (TP Section 11.0). Because these individuals were members of the celestial race (TP Section 11.0) they had no concept of such evils as infidelity and promiscuity that when Swedenborg tried to tell them of the commonality of these occurrences on Earth they were so horrified that they refused to hear any more. (TP Section 11.0)

Even though these individuals were so pure, this gave them a huge flaw; these individuals were not able to contemplate such things, as infidelity was the cause of this flaw. They maintained the kind of innocence that is associated with our childhood and could not gain the wisdom that is associated with having knowledge of such things at an older age. In fact, because of this childlike innocence, by the time they had reached their mid thirties, they had already experienced and learned everything that they could. It is important to remember that during this time humans did not live very long, and they would enter heaven at what in today’s standards is considered a very young age. This lack of wisdom that accompanied by older age is what keeps them from entering a higher heaven. This means that their happiness in the afterlife cannot be as great as generations of the split-brained race would be able to experience. (TP Section 11.0)

You may be wondering what the split-brained race is because I have not mentioned it before. The split-brained race is the race of humans that have followed the celestial race. The split-brained race is born with a connection to evil, but was given the ability to purge the evil from us with a process called regeneration.

We are constantly receiving influx into our spiritual minds. When we are happy and thinking of heavenly thoughts we are receiving our influx from God and all the angels in the heavens who share those same heavenly thoughts. When we are sad or unhappy we are receiving an influx from the people who have passed on before us, these people refused to give up their hellish loves and live vicariously though us by means of this influx.

While living life we acquire a great deal of knowledge and wisdom, the wisdom that we acquire at an older age is higher than the wisdom that we acquire when we are younger. I think this is why you always hear the saying, if I only knew then what I know now. I am a firm believer in that statement, the only thing is, is that you wouldn’t know what you know now if you did go through the experiences that you were trying to avoid.

This concept makes a great deal of sense, when I first read about the celestial race, it seemed unfair to me that the members of this race were effortlessly able to spend all of their eternities in heaven. The toss up is that they sacrifice the things in life that give us character. Life is about making choices, sometimes we make the wrong ones and sometime we make the right ones. We make mistakes and take the consequences that we get for making the wrong choices, which in turn gives us knowledge, we then use of that knowledge when we resist a temptation. Resisting temptations allows us to demonstrate our character. I wouldn’t give up my complicated life for anything because it is part of my journey to become the best person that I can be, instead of a sheltered and naïve person.

All of the heavenly societies reside inside of the Grand Human (TP Section 11.0). The Grand Human has a human shape and different societies reside in different areas of the body. All humans, born on Earth or other planets reside in the Grand Human.

It says, “The process that creates this Grand Perfection of the human race is unity at all levels, of couples, societies, generations, and worlds. And the unity at all the levels rests on the unity of its constituent level, which is that of the couple. Hence the marriage of a man and a woman is the foundation for the universe and its endless future. These details indicate to you that the sanctity of marriage and sexuality is not merely a moral and religious issue. People have rebelled against morality and religion, claiming freedom from persuasion, dogma, or norm. But people cannot rebel in freedom when they understand rationally why sexual behavior is the foundation of their future and that of the universe.” (TP Section 11.0)

Divine Speech has revealed that Conjugial Love is the highest of all loves, and that all other loves come from it and are only for the sake of it. Sexuality is part of conjugial love. Hence that part is at the foundation of the universe which is created by the loves coming forth from the Spiritual Sun, of which the chief and first is conjugial love, which includes sexuality. This is why sexuality is the basis and foundation for all existence and the universe.

It is a bit embarrassing to discover that when engaging in a sexual act if it is in the mental plane it is not a private act. However, people do have private thoughts in heaven and hell. For instance, when a husband and wife are mentally conjoining and embracing each other in bed at night in their heaven, it remains a private sphere that is not communicated to others in that heaven. And that’s because anything that you feel you don’t want to communicate, remains private. Otherwise it would feel like a violation, what gets communicated to others is their happiness, but not any details about the affections and thoughts involved. When we attack sex we do this by doing or even thinking about such things as infidelity. These thoughts can instigate forces to begin reinforcing this kind of behavior of others, one impure thought and another combine together to create a huge movement getting larger and larger until it creates a human hell in the mind entrapping them. (TP Section 11.0)

I think that this is an important concept to understand. Even though we feel small and insignificant even just one person does count. I think even if one person can stop himself from thinking this way and regenerate himself to contribute to the foundation it is one small step, but a small step in the right direction. Sometimes it is such a hard concept to grasp especially if we can see the whole picture and in that picture we can look so small.

When we are able to resist from having or doing these counter evolutionary thoughts I feel it is important to understand the universal contribution that we are making. Every time we resist we are making progress in the right direction in an attempt to reverse the trend that promiscuity and infidelity have to be the norm in our society. When we resist these thoughts it is called committing a chaste act, these chaste acts put us on the right path to obtaining conjugial love. (TP Section 11.0). In addition to that all of our chaste acts add together and form a powerful union and create a greater, more perfect heaven in our mind and in the Grand Human.

If you are in love with someone and decide that you want to have a sexual relationship with that person is that considered immoral because you are not married? How does Theistic Psychology view things such as masturbation, if a husband has pornographic thoughts in his head and masturbates but does not physically cheat on his wife is that an attack on the foundation.

Mental Infidelity

It is always important to consider why the person is doing what they are doing. Killing another human being may be justified because they are trying to hurt you or someone else, or it may be unjustified killing possibly for pleasure. Seducing or abusing someone sexually is never good, no matter what context you look at it in it is always evil. Masturbating is bad to the extent that the person allows it to go. An example of this would be a husband who is masturbating out of need, and while doing so tries not to have promiscuous thoughts. When masturbation is done in this context this is neither evil nor detrimental in anyway to conjugial love. It’s possible he doesn’t want to force sex on his wife, depending on how she feels about it. It’s complicated. Level 2 thinking says: masturbation, pornography, is a sin, is evil, and takes you to hell. Level 3 thinking says: it depends why it’s being done and how it is being carried out.

If this is so, then almost every man and woman in America is guilty of mental infidelity at some point or another. I think where Theistic Psychology comes in is that by understanding that our impure thoughts contribute to the decomposition of our moral values in society then we will be much less reluctant to give up such pleasures. I think in some cases this is true, but in today’s sex dominated culture I’m am not so certain that others would still decide to give up these types of thoughts or actions even if it would benefit society. I think I will add this question to my survey.

Prior to reading Theistic Psychology I had the belief that men have a wandering eye and that I would just have to accept the fact that the man in my life would look at other women. When my boyfriend looks at other women it can bother me at times and even make me feel a little inadequate, especially since there are so many beautiful women on T.V., movies, at the mall. I sometimes look at other men, but I am fairly certain that the degree that my boyfriend looks at other women is much greater. In fact most of the times that I do think about another guy it has nothing to do with what he looks like, but how he treats the woman in his life.

It is important to understand that the act of looking at another woman is not the part that upsets me; it is what associated with the act of looking. It is the fact that while he is looking at this other woman he is being mentally unfaithful to me.

My looking isn’t quite the same as his mental infidelity. When I do look at another man I am not simply picturing us in some kind of sexual escapade. I think a man is attractive when he I see him treat the woman that he loves with respect, he appreciates her and goes out of his way to make her happy. Those are the kinds of things that I find attractive in a man. For men, I think that the opposite is true; they see an attractive woman and perform mental infidelity in their minds several times a day. Well at least that is true in my boyfriend’s case.

There are several things that one can do to try and curb these thoughts of mental infidelity. Mental infidelity may seem innocent in the physical world but these kinds of thoughts have no place in the heavens of our mind. Infidelity has no place in any marriage There are some things that women can do to try to help their husbands or boyfriends break some of these habits. First by trying to change the concept, for example when looking at a beautiful woman in a seductive pose, (possibly one that can be found in a pornographic magazine) have the man looking at this image consider why this woman is doing this. Why she has decided to exploit her body, what in her life could have caused her to enter this profession. Then think of her as what she truly is, somebody’s daughter, wife, sister or mother instead of focusing on the physical exterior.

In addition to changing the concept it is also possible to alter ones thinking habits by taking a closer look. For example the women in a Victoria Secret catalog are all very beautiful, instead of just looking at these seductive images it is possible to gain a different perspective by reading the descriptions of the lingerie. Reading these descriptions gives the man a different perspective, one that he has probably not experienced before (because I don’t really know any men who read anything in that catalog) and the husband is able to gain the wives wife’s perspective of the magazine. He does this by discussing the details with his wife or partner.

It is important for wives to let their husbands know exactly how they feel about their husbands looking at other women. I think that when a husband loves his wife and she is able to communicate with him how is behavior upsets her than he will be much more willing to cooperate in this process of character reformation. If the man does not want to change this behavior he could try to resist the temptation of other women but in todays sexually charge society it is just not possible.

Love is never something that is perfect and harmonious, in fact many times we must have several attempts at love before we are able to find the one that we can enter into the unity model of marriage with. Many times we fall in love with people who are not perfect for us, if we find ourselves in a relationship where true love may not be reciprocated from our significant other we still continue to grow in conjugial love regardless of whether or not conjugial love is shared (TP section 11.3) I think that this is an important topic to grasp because we often find ourselves in an unhealthy relationship and it is important not to give up hope and realize that even though that particular relationship is not right, it does not stop you from growing as an individual.

Most research shows that people in relationships who experience something negative in their lives tend to take out these negative emotions on their partner. (TP Section 11.3). Men of most cultures are more likely to commit physical and mental abuse than women. Theistic Psychology doesn’t go into details about why this is so in section 11.3 but I have a few theories. There has always been a double standard for women, for example a woman who sleeps around is considered slutty and easy but a man who sleeps around is considered a Casanova or a ladies man. I think the same concept applies to the abuse issue, society tells us that men are the leader and women are there to obey. I think many men get the misconception that women are there to cater to their needs.

My family is a example of this, in many Japanese families women prepare the meals and after the whole family has eaten my grandfather, father, uncle and male cousin all sit down in front of the television while the women clear the table, wash the dishes and put away the food. As a child I accepted this family model, but as I have gotten older I have made a conscious decision that if and when I decide to have children my sons will never be allowed to sit down and watch T.V. while my daughters clear off the table. Regardless of whether or not the men are mentally honoring their wives while they are preparing the meals and cleaning up after them, it all depends on how the wife feels about this. My grandmother had no problems doing it and she felt, as it was her duty and responsibility. On the other hand if my husband were to expect that of me, mental honoring of my actions would not do anything to help the situation because I would be bothered by his physical laziness.

I think that this is part of the family model that feeds the assumption that women are there to be their emotional punching bags when they have a bad day. Don’t get me wrong I am sure that some women are just as guilty if not more so than men, but the reality is that abuse is more commonly committed by men.

Conjugial Love

According to Theistic Psychology there are 3 principles to the model of conjugial love, the principle of differentiation, the principle of reciprocity and the principle of eternity. (TP Section 11.3.2). The principle of differentiation is exactly what is says, that men and women are completely different and nothing of a man is like any part of a woman. The principle of reciprocity basically states that traits of a woman harmonize with traits of a man and vice versa. I think that principles one and two go hand in hand with each other, I’m not sure if you could have the second principle without the first principle because they make perfect sense together. The principle of eternity states that the unity of marriage is eternal and that the marriage relationship continues on in the afterlife.

My Grandfather had recently passed away and I have shared some of the principles of Theistic Psychology that I have learned over the past year with some members of my immediate family. My grandparents were married for over 50 years and many of the concepts that have learned about theistic psychology have comforted my Grandmother through these difficult times. One of which is the principle of eternity, the belief that they will once again be reunited in the afterlife and spend the rest of their eternity in heaven together, joined by the conjugial love that they have shared here on the physical plane of existence.

The analogy used in Theistic Psychology to compare the first two principles is that of a nut and a bolt. A nut is nothing like a bolt but they fit together to form a tight bond and the differences between them make this bond possible. (TP Section 11.3.2). A different analogy that is used is that of a choir, different types of voices such as an alto or soprano blend together to create something that is much more rich than if they were alone, but they must work together in harmony for it to sound beautiful. Without these differences unity could not be achieved.

In the marital union of the three fold self, which includes the affective, cognitive and sensorymotor, the affective union is the most important of the three. (TP Section 11.3.2). The reason for this is that affective unity greatly influences the unity of the remaining selves. Couples who are able to obtain the unity model of marriage have managed to achieve a “synergy” of the three fold self with their husband or wife. When this is achieved there is no such thing as the individual anymore, every aspect of their lives is joined as one, even if they are not in the same physical location they are able to keep this “oneness” because even when they are apart they act as if the other were present.

The other marriage model that is gaining momentum in modern society is the “equity” model. This is based on men taking on more of the domestic responsibilities that used to fall solely on the women. (TP Section 11.3.2). According to Theistic Psychology the equity model is a good start but the unity model should be the ultimate goal. When the couple has reached the equity model there are two directions the couple can go, they can grow into the unity model or fall back into a dominance model. “If the woman gives up equity, then the couple falls back into the traditional dominance model they started with in which man dominates woman in socially prescribed ways. On the other hand if the man gives up equity power in decision making, then they move forward to the unity model that leads to greater intimacy, growth, and mutual support.” (TP Section 11.3.2).

At first I had a difficult time accepting that in order for a relationship to work the man would have to give up his equity power and changes his loves to that of the woman. My first reactions as a woman was that this seemed a little bit unfair and very unrealistic to expect a man to do everything that I want him to do but the more I thought about it the more it made perfect sense. As I look back on past and present relationships that I have had with the opposite sex I realize that the majority of my unhappiness stemmed from my boyfriend’s resisting my loves. He was unwilling to change his loves for my loves which made me very unhappy and because I was unhappy I made him unhappy.

For example, I really wanted my boyfriend to go back to school and finish his college education. He was very resistant, and his resistance put a huge strain on the relationship. I was not happy because he wanted to drop out of school and he was not happy because I kept pushing him to go back. If I were to cave in and become the submissive partner I would be negatively affecting my conjugial love, and I would never truly be happy because I really wanted him to back to school. The only way for the relationship to work is if he were to quit resisting and change his ruling loves to align with mine. I wanted him to back because school is very important to me and I felt that this experience would give us more things in common. I felt that school is very important for his future because getting an education opens doors for people and no one can ever take that away from you.

The reason why men must give up his equity power for a woman is because women are more conscious of their feelings then men are, for this reason men should replace their understanding for that of the woman. (TP Section 11.3.3).

A classic example of this would be a wife telling her husband that he should get new friends because she has a bad feeling about the kind of company he keeps. The husband has had these friends for many years and is reluctant to let them go; when he asks her why she dislikes his friends she cannot give him a clear defined answer. The husband sees the wife’s request has unreasonable and a fight ensues. This reluctance on the part of the husband halts the affective development of the relationship.

It is important to examine what is happening at each level of the three fold self as the relationship progresses. The relationship starts at the sensorimotor level when they share activities that they enjoy doing together such as going out to dinner, going to the movies and talking. These are considered external activities because the couple is doing these various activities and they are clearly visible to themselves and those around them. At this stage of the relationship it is called the “sensorimotor conjunction”. (TP Section 11.3.3). In this phase is it common for the man to take the dominant role and the woman to take the submissive role. During this period of the sensorimotor conjunction the cognitive selves between the couple are also interacting.

As the cognitive selves begin to interact this is the period where the woman begins to take the dominant role. Here the woman tries to analyze the man’s points of view and tries to do things that she thinks will please him. At this point the man is mainly focused on himself and will be pleased if the woman is able to demonstrate that she understands his ideas. The man is not focused on her perspective or ideas, as the woman is of his so she is able a higher level of understanding of the relationship. (TP Section 11.3.3). Cognitive communication between the man and the woman is referred to the “cognitive conjunction”.

Once the sensorimotor level of conjunction has a solid foundation and the cognitive conjunction has been established for quite some time, the woman then strives for an affective conjunction. (TP Section 11.3.3). This type of conjunction is achieved once the man exchanged his feelings with that of the woman. It is very difficult for a man to understand this because society teaches men that they should respect, love and support women but maintain their own thoughts and beliefs. If the woman continues a relationship with a man who refuses to do what makes her happy she is compromising her conjugial love and jeopardizing her afterlife. Men need to understand that by giving themselves to a woman does not make them weak, and if they do decide to give up the individual self for a conjoined self with their wives then that woman would give him the world in return.

I think that is one of the hardest concepts to grasp because at first letting go of someone that you love is a very difficult thing to do. The rational part of your mind may be telling you that it is time to let go but the emotional side is much stronger than the cognitive. It is hard for many women to stand up for themselves and draw a line saying, “this is what I want and if you feel that this is something that you can’t do then we are not meant to be together.” It only gets more difficult with as time goes on because people get married and have children, complicating the situation.

For the first time in my life I have a clear understanding of what is happening in my relationships with current and former loves. As I read passages from Theistic Psychology I can relate many of these principles to things that have happened in my life. All of my relationships have begun with the sensorimotor conjunction where we begin by doing activities together and in the process of these activities a cognitive relationship has developed. During this cognitive conjunction I would immerse myself in gaining a clear understanding of the man that I was in a relationship with. I would get to know his friends and spend time doing things that he would enjoy. Things would continue like this for quite some time but as I strived for a deeper relationship, an affective conjunction this is where conflict would begin to occur.

I must admit that I am somewhat comforted to know that the feelings that I have had are normal and the reason why I have these feelings is because I am striving to reach the unity model. I was lead to believe that this pushing on my part was wrong and in order for the relationship to work I must back off sacrificing my loves for the “greater good” of the relationship. If it were not for the woman’s constant pushing of the man an affective union between them would never occur and therefore the idyllic unity model of marriage would cease to exist.

Figure 1A: Table of the Unity Model in Marriage: Ennead Chart of Growth Steps

(Note: figure taken from Theistic Psychology section 11.3.4)

^{MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS}	^{THREEFO0LD SELF}
^{MODEL THAT GOVERNS THEIR INTERACTIONS}	^{SENSORIMOTOR (external)}	^{COGNITIVE (internal)}	^{AFFECTIVE (inmost)}
^UNITY	⁷	⁸	⁹
^EQUITY	⁴	⁵	⁶
^DOMINANCE	¹	²	³

Begin by reading this chart from the bottom up. In this chart dominance refers to the husbands feeling toward his wife, if the wife resists this model and the husband complies they are able to move up to the next level, which is the equity model, zones 4, 5 and 6. Then if the husband allows his wife’s superior inner understanding guide his outer intelligence they are able to move up into the unity model in zones 7, 8 and 9. This is where the husband is finally ready to let go of his own self for the sake of a new or conjoined self. (TP Section 11.3.4)

In taking on this new conjoined self the husband must learn as much as he is able to understand what his wife is feeling and why. Once he conscious of her feelings and emotions he can use these as a guide and consult them whenever he makes a decision. (TP Section 11.3.4). From this point on he is no longer a complete individual on his own, together husband and wife make a complete, stronger human.

It is important to understand that the unity model cannot be imposed on a man by means of dominance, intimidation or persuasion everything must be voluntary. Very few men are willing to give up their external intelligence for their wives internal wisdom. Most men must endure much mental struggles to come to terms with this concept but when they do the husbands are able to form the most perfect spiritual union with their wives in a state that lasts for all of eternity. (TP Section 11.3.4)

My grandparents were not able to reach a unity level of their marriage but I think it has a great deal to do with the era that they were raised in. In many Japanese families the man is the boss, the king of his castle you could say. The men are the providers and the women are the care givers. My grandparents were raised with those beliefs and my parents were raised with those beliefs. Fortunately I have been raised in a time where women have not only broken away from the stereotypical mold of the home maker and entered the work force but have begun to build themselves as equals with men. I have also had the fortune of taking a Theistic Psychology class at the University of Hawaii which has opened my eyes to not only what kind of relationship is possible between a man and a woman, the kind of relationship that I am indeed searching for. Before reading these concepts the model I thought I wanted was the equity model and now I have learned that so much more is possible.

In the dominance model zones 1,2 and 3, the couple is physically joined together but are not conjoined at the affective and cognitive levels of the three fold self meaning that even though physically they are together mentally their thoughts and feelings are completely separate from each other. (TP Section 11.3.4). It is common in the dominance model for a man and woman to feel closeness with one another, enough so that they are intimate with one another then later on get into an argument and express hostility with one another.

This means that even though they feel that closeness in actually it doesn’t exist because according to Theistic Psychology “when a couple is united in feeling it is impossible for one to express hostility to the other”. (TP Section 11.3.4). Hostility that can be followed by making up demonstrates the ability to fluctuate between different levels between dominance and equity.

The equity model can be viewed as the modern day model of marriage for many people. This model takes giant leaps away from the marriage models that were portrayed to our elders. In this model economic, household and parental responsibilities are more evenly distributed between husband and wife. The focus of this model is on zone 5 or the cognitive conjunction. When a couple has reached zone 5 it improves their interactions at the sensorymotor level because the couple is able to get along better, and influence each others decisions more, in turn they argue less and enjoy a larger spectrum of physical activities together. The relationship at this level is much better but still has much room for improvement. The wife still has the tendency to be hurt when the husband chooses to explode and take a stance that hurts her. At this level of the relationship the husband still carries with him animosity toward his wife for her efforts to change him.

A woman cannot yet be satisfied and content in her relationship until zone 9 in the unity model has been reached. When this level is reached the woman has no fear that her husband will do or say something that will hurt her. When this is accomplished her husband will take in her loves as if they were his own. The reason for this longing is not because she is controlling and selfish, it is because she longs for this affective conjunction and if he continues to see things his way this conjunction cannot be reached. (TP Section 11.3.4)

The progress can be tracked by using the zones in figure 1-A, in zones 1, 2 and 3 the husband sees himself to being entitled to special treatment by the woman because he is the “man” in the relationship. In zones 4,5 and 6 the husband views equality between man and woman as the stronghold of the relationship. Notice in the figure that zones 1, 5 and 9 are bolded, this demonstrates the zones that must be achieved before you can say that the relationship has moved on to the next level. (TP Section 11.3.4)

How Husbands Align With Their Wives

I think it is also important to note that no couple begins the relationship at the unity level. This is because the only way for a unity relationship to develop is from the foundation that comes from the beginning stages of the relationship. (TP Section 11.3.4). However it is possible to be in more than one zone at a time, but this is not a very stable union and the inconsistency of their union will also mean that even though they have made progress in some areas the fact that they keep reverting to old behaviors means that they will not be able to remain at the unity level. (TP Section 11.3.4)

The male dominance model is far reaching and is the main message that is preached by such famous psychologists as Dr. Phil, who currently has his own television show and Dr. Laura who has her own radio talk show. These therapists tell wives that if they don’t want to have sex with their husbands then they are just going to have to do it in order to make their husbands happy. (TP Section 11.3.5).

Theistic Psychology takes a different approach by working with the husbands, instead of attacking the wives. First it is important to teach the man that he may and probably is the cause of his wife’s sexual aversion to him. He must understand that she may just be tired or had a long day but the reason why she is declining his advances is because she feels that he is not meeting her needs and if she gives him sex, it would be a term coined by Dr. Leon James as “free sex”. If he is not able to meet her emotional needs why would she want to degrade herself, giving up her dignity and give him free sex. (TP Section 11.3.5). Once he realizes that the reason she is holding out on him is because he is not meeting her demands he can now find out why and try to remedy the situation.

There are two ways a husband can become mentally conjoined with his wife. First he must find a way to stop adding to her mental distress and second, he must find a way to ease her mental stress (TP section 11.3.5). In Theistic Psychology there is a list of behaviors that men commonly engage in that keep them from becoming mentally conjoined with their wives. Men who do not truly love their wives commit these acts on a regular basis without regard for their wives’ feelings. This list can be found in TP Section 11.3.5.1. I was astonished to find that when I looked over the list many of the behaviors were a common place in all of my relationships with men. It was actually quite enlightening to come to the realization that maybe they were never in love with me at all. With that realization it also brings me hope that I can now walk away from these destructive relationships and find a man who is willing to become mentally intimate with me and be willing to commit and strive to behave according to the unity model of marriage. It’s the commitment to the unity model that matters, more than the actual attaining of it, which may not ever be achieved while in the physical world. To commit husbands must follow the three main rules of the unity model: (1) never do what she doesn’t want me to do; (2) always do what she wants me to do; (3) and when I don’t I must admit it, repent, and modify, this last part is the most difficult and the most crucial to obtaining a happy marriage.

Every relationship begins in the dominance model because we were taught through our culture and society that this is how the relationship between men and women work. If a woman shows displeasure in her husband’s actions he accuses her of nagging him because she does not accept him for who he is. One phrase I have heard over and over again is, “Well I was like this when we first started dating so why are you making me change now?” This is one example of how men refuse to become mentally intimate with their wives but expect her to be physically intimate with them. (TP Section 11.3.5.1)

On the bright side there are many men who are willing to put aside the dominance model in exchange for the equity model. These men are smart enough to see all the joys that come with having the mental intimacy with their wives. In this model the women are able to express their points of view and negotiate with their husband’s, and through her victories they can become more spiritually aligned with one another. This is a huge relief for the woman but even with all these giant steps forward there continues to be conflict because the man has the tendency at times to revert back to dominance model. (TP Section 11.3.5.1)

The woman will continue to push, motivate, and induce her husband until he commits himself to act in accordance with the principles of the unity model. When the couple has reach this commitment to the unity model the husband is now able to completely align his thoughts and feelings with hers. Now that they are mentally intimate with each other the wife is more than happy to share her body with the man she loves and together they can reach a level of sexual happiness to the likes each have never known. That sounds truly delightful! (TP Sections 11.3.5.1)

According to Theistic Psychology men employ a tactic called “political semantics” in order to keep women in the dominance model. Political semantics is used to mold people’s beliefs to fit the “political agenda”. (TP Section 11.3.5.2) In gender politics the objective of men is maintain the male dominance model.

Men directly associate the term nagging with women, and this term carries with it a negative connotation. It is most often used when the wife has assumed a leadership role in, for example household chores. The wife assumes the responsibility of the household chores but the husband does not want to appear as if he is lazy and does nothing so he occasionally helps out. Even if the wife is not satisfied with the husband’s participation, she is intimidated into silence because society has taught her, and he tries to convince her, that she is lucky that he even contributes at all. The husband then uses this claim that he helps out against her, and thus the term nagging is used against her when she is only attempting to get her husband to keep his word.

After the husband has neglected his household chores and used derogatory remarks to the woman that he claims to love he still expects her to “give him sex”. The woman remembers the derogatory comment that he used and is still hurt by his words and actions. Why should she want to become physically intimate with a man who has caused her such emotional pain? If she gives in and has sex with him, she feels like a slut, sexual slave or prostitute, so she makes us an excuse and denies him (or else gives in out of guilt and injures her self-esteem and her love for him). This is where the common misconception that men are more sexual than women comes from. When the woman’s emotional needs are met she will be more than willing to participate in sexual acts with her husband. In addition to that what a man views as sexy usually means that he want the woman to act easy and seductive, to come on to him, to do all of the work and then disappear after he has been satisfied. (TP section 11.3.5.2.1)

When a woman seeks intimacy with her husband she not only strives to be in his life physically but mentally as well. She wants to understand all of her husband’s thoughts and feelings. A wife does this by asking her husband questions about what he is thinking and why he is thinking that, she doesn’t want any secrets between them. (TP Section 11.3.5.2.3)

Most men get very defensive and feel that a woman should not try to change him and that she should accept him for what he is. This is something that I have heard over and over again in my current relationship. Recently there have been some breakthroughs on his part. After taking this class I realized that if he isn’t willing to make these sacrifices then I would never be satisfied in our relationship. I would never be able to reach a unity model with him and if I sacrificed my happiness for his, then I would be sacrificing my conjugial love as well. I wanted him to go back to college, and I wanted him to stop hanging out with his friends drinking every night. I explained that he couldn’t have both; he can’t have me waiting at home for him while he goes out drinking. I explained that I was tired of arguing with him to spend time with me and that he had to make a decision whether or not he valued our relationships.

Over the course of this semester I realized that it wasn’t me who had a problem and that the only reason why I pushed him so hard is because I loved him and I wanted to have that mental intimacy with him. I truly value my education and I wanted to share that experience with him in addition to the fact that an education opens doors giving him more options in his future endeavors and to be able to learn rational ideas, like TP and conjugial love in eternity. I am not a heavy drinker. I admit that occasionally I like to got out to a bar and blow off some steam with my friends but it is not something that I find acceptable to do several times a week. I explained this to him on several occasions before and he would look at me like I was crazy. He would tell me what’s the big deal; it’s just a couple of drinks with friends.

I made my last and final attempt and I made my position perfectly clear. He would not be able to have his cake and eat it too. How could I love him and be physically intimate with him when he consistently neglects my feelings. Like the husband who promised to help out the household chores, he promised that he would make an effort not to go out drinking as much and was constantly breaking those promises. I explained why I could not continue to accept his behavior and I explained my position and the stance I was taking, cut that behavior out or I was gone.

He thought about what I said and he realized that he was consistently breaking his promises to me and I think he realized that my request were not too unreasonable. I am hoping that his change in attitude is not temporary and I am prepared for times that he will slip back into the dominance model but if I can see that he is really trying his best to distance himself from that model and work with me toward the unity model, I will be able to continue being in this relationship. If he reverts back to the dominance model and stays there, then I know that it is time for me to move on.

He has often told me that I am too nosy and I need to learn to mind my own business. After reading Theistic Psychology I realize that it is not that I am a nosy person, it is because I long to have that mental intimacy with him. This is why I probe his mind so that I can understand him better. I feel that I am a very open person, especially with my close personal friends and my significant others. If you were to ask me something personal I would do my best to answer that question as truthfully as possible, but I am not getting that in return. I know that Rome was not built in a day so I don’t want to push him too hard in all aspects of his life, but I am not sure what I can do to get him to open up more and discuss his thoughts and feelings with me instead of me asking questions and receiving one worded answers.

For those men who feel that they want to have more physical intimacy between them and their wives there is a list of things that they can do to strengthen their marriages in section 11.3.5.2.6 that they should follow. Not only will they rekindle that intimacy they will start on the path to happiness they never knew existed in a marriage. I plan on showing this list to my boyfriend immediately, try posting this list on the wall of your bedroom being sure to mark the things on the list that he already does and mark the things that he needs to work on, it is also important to mark the ones on the list that are the most important to you.

1. Laugh at her humor

2. Make her laugh by knowing her humor

3. Hang around with her while she is doing things, keeping her company and showing interest in the details of her actions and focus of attention

4. Take what she says with respect without doubting it or minimizing it in any way

5. Never take sides against her in relation to children, parents, friends, or strangers

6. Become familiar with her involvement in clothes and make up, acquiring her perspective and taste

7. Show that you prefer to give up time from your hobby or friends and to spend it with her instead

8. When she gets mad at you and talks to you like she is mad, always be receptive and gentle, willing to take it on the chin like a real man, never reacting in anger or retaliation or resentment

9. When it looks like she is criticizing your actions or complaining about you, always take it with honor, being willing to receive her criticisms as nothing but passionate appeals to you to change your behavior or way of thinking from bad to good

10. When you hurt her feelings by what you say or do, always work hard to undo the hurt by explaining to her on different occasions what it is you did and what was wrong with it

11. When you initiate sexual intimacy, always give her a series of thresholds at which she can indicate hesitation or discomfort in going further, then respect that line without talking about it or making her justify it

12. Learn her normal sexual response pattern by observing what her preferences are, keeping track of them over time, and staying within the limits of those patterns, thus giving her satisfaction and fulfillment without accompanying mixed feelings like stress, anxiety, or discomfort

13. Keep track of her body needs and procedures, showing involvement with them by being able to discuss them with her -- weight, energy, hormones, drugs, vitamins, ob-gyn, regularity, symptoms, check ups

14. Give her something pleasant to eat, taste, or smell as often as you can in the course of the day

15. Learn various massage techniques -- head, shoulder, neck, feet, hands, face -- and do at least one of them on her every day, being careful not to sexualize it by treating it as foreplay

16. Keep yourself clean and healthy and in good physical condition

17. Never keep secrets from her, and when she doesn't know of something or doesn't ask, let her know of it

18. No matter what, always censor yourself, never voicing it out loud, when you think something bad about her -- unflattering, derogatory, sarcastic, cynical, upsetting, disagreeable, harsh, gross

19. If she is the cook in the family, hang around with her in the kitchen and act like a chef's assistant, but if you are the cook, never treat her like a chef's assistant, and convince her that you want her to feel liberated from traditionally expected kitchen involvements

20. Never invoke or practice the equity principle or fifty-fifty rule in any interaction with her, and instead, let her off the hook at all times for all things, so that she can always choose in freedom what she should be doing at any one time without the political obligations imposed by the equity rule

References

All citations in my paper are to the online Textbook of Theistic Psychology by Dr. Leon James, on the Web at http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leonj/theistic/

My Home Page

http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/leon/459s2005/ikeda/home.htm