Journal of Dreams
|by
Emanuel Swedenborg (1743 - 1744)
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 1
[1]
* 1743, the 21st of July, I traveled from Stockholm, arrived on the 27th at
Ystad, after passing through Talje, Nykoping, Norrkoping, Linkoping, Grenna,
and Jonkoping. In Ystad I met the Countess de la Gardie, with her two
daughters, and the two counts, Count Fersen, Major Landtishusen and Magister
Klingenberg. On the 31st General Stenflycht arrived with his son, and Capt.
Schachta.
[2] The wind was
against us, and we did not sail till the 5th of August; I was in company with
General Stenflycht. On the 6th we reached Stralsund, and early on the 7th
entered the town. The countess and the general continued their journey the same
day.
[3] In Stralsund I
again visited the fortress from Badenthore, to Francken, Stripseer and
Kniperthore, and the house where King Charles XII lodged, the Mejerfeldz
palace; the churches of St. Nicholas; of St. James, which was laid in ruins
during the siege; and of St. Mary. I paid a visit to Colonel and Commandant
Swerjn, Superintendent Loper, and Postdirector Crivits. In St. Nicholas Church
a timepiece is shown which was struck by lightning in 1670, 1683, and 1688,
just as the hand pointed to 6:00. I afterwards visited some new fortifications
outside Kniperthore. I met Carl Jesper Benzelius. Visited the waterworks that
supply the town: they consist of two sets of pipes.
[4] The 9th of
August, traveled from Stralsund through Damgarten: through the Mecklenburg
territory
*The paragraph numbering
is that adopted by C. Th. Odhner in his 1918 English translation.
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 2
past Rimnits, to Rostock,
where I visited eight churches, five large and three small, a cloister for
ladies, eight in number, who however are not under rules of restraint.
[5] From there I
journeyed to Wismar, where there are six churches, the best are those of St.
Mary and St. George.
Thence on the
llth; and on the way visited Gadebuch, the scene of the battle between the
Swedes and Danes; afterwards to Ratzeburg; which is surrounded by swamp, over
which a long bridge leads into the town.
[6] On the 12th came to Hamburg, and took up my quarters
in the Keisershof. The Countess de la Gardie was staying in the same hotel. Met
Baron Hamilton, Reuterholm, Trivalt, Konig, Assessor Awerman: was presented to
Prince Augustus, his royal highness' brother, who talked Swedish: afterwards
was presented by the Grand Marshal Lesch to his Royal Highness Adolph Fredrich;
delivered the manuscripts I had with me, and which are for the press, and at
the same time showed the reviews of the former works.
[7] The 17th, traveled from Hamburg, over the river to
Buxtehude, where, for the space of a mile I saw the prettiest country I had
seen in Germany; the route lay through a continuous garden of apples, pears,
plums, walnuts, chestnut trees, limes and elms.
[8] The 18th, to
Bremen, with its fine ramparts and suburbs; the best of these is Nystadt; by
the bridge leading thither, there are no less than eleven water mills, one by
the side of the other. Visited the town house in the market place, and also the
great Rolan [belfry], which is the sign of a free town: afterwards went to St.
Nicho-
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 3
las and the cathedral
churches; was also in the hospital where there are several statues.
[9] 20th, from Bremen
to Leer, through Oldenburg, which is a country belonging to the King of
Denmark; fine fortifications, with plenty of water about them; went also through Neuskants: at Leer there is
a fort which is called Leerort, which is in the possession of Holland. Thence
to Groningen, which is a large town, under the Prince of Orange. At Leewarden I
saw his palace, as well as his mother's; the latter is called the Princess' Palace; visited also the hotel de
ville, and other places. I came here by
Treckscheut [passenger boats on the Dutch canals drawn by horses.
Translator}.
[10] From Groningen
there is a choice of two routes, namely, to Harlingen, and to Lemmer; to the
former, the mode of conveyance is by Treckscheut;
to the latter, by coach. I chose the way to Harlingen through
Lewarden.
From Harlingen, which
is a large town ... [the continuation is missing. It is impossible to decide
whether it was ever written, or not, for the word stad (town) concludes
the sixth page, and then come several blank leaves; yet it is probable that
some leaves (4?) have been torn out. On the shreds that remain of two that have
been cut out, there are large numeral figures written in an unpracticed hand,
perhaps a child's. Editor.}
[11] 1. Dreamed of my youth and the Gustavian
family. 2. In Venice, of the beautiful
palace.
3. In Sweden, of the white expanse of
heaven.
4. In Leipsic, of one that lay in
boiling water.
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG'S 4
5. Of
one that tumbled with a chain down into the deep.
6. Of
the king that gave away so precious a thing in a peasant's cabin.
7. Of
the man servant that wished me to go away on my travels.
[12] 8. Of my delights during the nights.
Wondered at myself for having
nothing left to do
for my own honor, so that I was even touched.
Also at not being at all inclined towards the sex, as I had
previously been all my life.
9. How
I was in waking trances nearly the whole time.
[13] 10. How I
set myself against the spirit. And how I then favored it, but found afterwards
that it was madness, devoid of all life and connection. And that thus a
quantity of what I have written must be of the same kind; because I had not at
all resisted the power of the spirit to that degree; inasmuch as the faults
are all my own, but the truths are not mine.
Indeed I sometimes fell into impatience and into thoughts
[doubts], and would fain have given way to in solent demand whenever the matter
did not go so easily as I wished, as I did nothing for my own sake: but I was a
long way from finding out my own unworthiness, or being grateful for mercies.
[14] 11. How I
found, after I arrived at The Hague, that my interest, and self love in my
work, had passed away; at which I myself wondered.
How the inclination to the other sex so suddenly
Journals
of Dreams 5
ceased which had been
my strongest passion.
How I had, during the whole time, the best sleep at
nights, which was more than kind.
How my trances were, before and after sleep.
My clear thoughts about things.
[15] How I set myself against the power of the Holy
Spirit, what happened thereupon; how I saw hideous specters, without life
horribly shrouded and moving in their shrouds; together with a beast that
attacked me, but not the child.
[16] It seemed I lay on a mountain with a gulf under it:
there were knolls upon it; I lay there and tried to help myself up, holding by a
knoll, without foothold; a gulf was below. It signifies, that I myself
wish to help myself from the abyss of hell, which is not possible to be done.
[17] How a woman
laid down by my side, just as if I was waking. I wished to know who it was. She
spoke slowly; said that she was pure, but that I smelled ill. It w was my
guardian angel, as I believe, for then began the temptation.
1744.
March 24-25.
[18] 1. Stood behind a machine, that was set in
motion by a wheel; the spokes entangled me more and more and carried me up so
that it was impossible to escape; wakened. Signifies either that I ought to be
kept more strictly; or perhaps it referred to the lungs of the fetus in the
womb, about which I was writing immediately afterwards, [or] both.
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG’S 6
[19] 2. Was in a garden which had many divisions;
pretty; of these I wished to possess one for myself; but looked about to see if
there was any way to get out. It
appeared to me that I saw one, and thought of another. There was a person who picked away a number
of invisible creeping things, and killed them; he said they were bugs, which
someone had dropped there and thrown in, and which infested the people
there. I did not see them, but saw
another little creeping thing which I drooped on a white linen cloth beside
a woman. It was the uncleanness which
ought to be rooted out from me.
[20] 3. Descended a great staircase, which ended in a
ladder; freely and boldly; below there was a hole which led down into a great
abyss. It was difficult to reach the
other side persons to whom I reached my hand, to help me over, wakened. Signifies the danger I am in of falling
into hell, if I do not get help.
[21] 4. Spoke with our successor in Sweden (who was
turned into a woman) freely and familiarly; afterwards with Carl Brockman,
bidding him beware of him; he answered something.
Spoke with Erland Broman, and told him I was here
again. Do not at all know what it means,
unless something of the following.
[22] 5. Came into a magnificent room and spoke with a
lady who was a court attendant; she wished to tell me something; then the queen
entered, and went through into another apartment. It seemed to me it was the same that had
represented our successor. I went out,
for I was very meanly dressed, having just come off a
Journal
of Dreams 7
journey; along old
overcoat without hat or wig. I wondered
that she deigned to come after me. She
said that a person had given to his mistress all the jewels; but he got them
back in this manner; it was told to her that he had not given the best; then
she threw the jewels away.
[23] She asked me
to come in again; but I excused myself on the ground of being so shabbily
dressed, and having no wig: I must first
go home. She said it was of no
consequence. It means that I should
then write and begin the epilogue to the second part, to which I wished to put
a prologue, but it is not needed. I did
accordingly. What she related about the jewels
mean truths, which are revealed to a man, but are withdrawn again; for she
was angry because she did not get all. I
afterwards saw the jewels in hands, and a great ruby in the middle of them.
[March]
25-26
[24] It seemed I
took a key, went in, was examined by the door keeper as to what keys I had;
showed them all; also as to whether I should have two. But it seemed that Hesselius had
another. I was taken into custody, and
watched. many people came to me in
vehicles. It seemed to me that I had
done nothing wrong. Yet it came to mind
that it might look suspicious if it was asked how it happened that I had taken
the key. Wakened. Many significations: as, that I had taken the
key to anatomy; the other, that Hesselius had, was the key to medicine. Also that the key to the lungs is the
pulmonary artery, which is thus the key to all the mo-
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG'S 8
tion of the body, or it may be interpreted
spiritually.
[25] I entreated a
cure for my sickness; a lot of rags were given me to buy; I took the half of
them, and selected from the other half; but gave the rags all back again. He
said that he himself would buy me something that would serve for a cure. It
was my body's thoughts that were the rags wherewith I would cure myself;
but it was no good.
[26] Came out afterwards, and saw many black images; a
black one was thrown to me: I saw that it could not fit to the foot. It
meant that natural reason could never harmonize with spiritual, I believe. ,
[March]
30-31.
[27] Saw a number of women; one who was writing a letter.
Took it; but do not know where it went. She was sitting, and a yellow man smote
her upon the back; he wished that she should have more stripes; but this was
enough. It concerns, so I believe, what I am writing, and have written; our
philosophy.
[28] Saw also a
very lovely woman as it were beside a window there, where a child was placing
roses. She took me by the hand and led me. It betokens what I am writing; also
my torment, that would lead me; so I believe.
[29] Saw a procession
of men; magnificent; jeweled; so fine that I never saw anything finer; but
it disappeared soon. It was, as I believe, experience, which now is in
great luxuriance. *
*0dhner's translation
reads: "It was, as I believe, experimental science which now is
greatly in fashion."
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 9
April
1-2.
[30] Rode in the air on horseback. Went into all the
rooms, kitchen, and the rest, and sought after a particular person; but found
nothing. The rooms were badly swept and cared for. At last, I was carried in
the air into a hall; there I got two pieces of beautiful bread, and so again
got him [whom I sought]. Here there were a number of people, and a well-swept
room. Signifies the Lord's Supper.
[31] King Charles sat in a dark room, and spoke
something, but very indistinctly; afterwards asked a person at the table if he
had not heard what he had asked. He said, "Yes." Afterwards he shut
the window, and I helped him with the curtains. After this I got up on a horse,
but by no means took the way I thought, but rode over hills and mountains; rode
fast; a heavy load followed on to me; I could not succeed in riding away, the
horse got tired with the load, and I would have him put in to some one. He came
in, and the horse became like a slaughtered and blood-red beast, and lay there.
Betokens that I have got all that I had thought for my instruction; and that I
am taking a way which is perhaps not the right one. The load was my
remaining works that followed me, that on the way became of that kind,
weary and dead.
[32] Stepped out
of a coach; the coach was driven into a lake; as he was driving it in, the
coachman called out to the other coach to take care: there was also danger when
he drove in. I looked at the other coach. There seemed to be a screen at the
back of it, which was
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S10
spread out as a screen is
[like a fan]. I, in concert with man that sat at the back, took the screen,
went in, and bound it together. Meaning was, that the beginning of my work was
difficult; the second coach was warned and bid to take care: presages
also that I ought to draw the sails together, to furl them; and not make the
notes long.
[April]
2-3.
[33] There came two persons. They came into a house
which was not yet ready, but the building finished. They went round about
it, and did not appear at all pleased with it. We saw that our force was not
with us, and feared them. One came to me, and said that they had a punishment for
me on the next Maundy Thursday, if I did not take myself off. I did not know
how to get out. He said he would show me the way. Wakened. Means that I, in
an unprepared and unswept cabin had invited a visit from the Highest; and
that he found it unswept; ought to be punished; but most graciously the way was
shown me to escape their wrath.
[34] [It seemed there] was a beggar, that cried out that
he would have bacon; they wished to give him something else, but he continually
cried out, "Bacon!" Wakened. Same signification, I believe.
[35] Saw two batches of soldiers, blue; they
marched in two bodies past my window, which stood ajar. I
*A reference to his work
then in progress, Regnum Animate, a work with many lengthy footnotes.
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 11
wished to look out on the first body that
marched, which appeared to me to be magnificent. Wakened. It is a gracious
guard, to prevent me from perishing.
N.B.
April 3-4, 1744,
which
was the day before Easter.
[36] Found nothing during the whole night, though I often
wakened. Believed all was away, and settled, and that I was left, or driven
off. About the morning it seemed that I rode, and it was shown me
where to go; but when I looked, it was dark. Found that in the
darkness I had gone astray; but then the light came, and I saw that I
was astray. Saw the way, and the forests and groves to which I ought
to go, and behind them the sky. Wakened. Then came the thought of
itself about the first life and, in consequence, about the other life;
and it seemed to me that all is full of grace. Began weeping g because I had
not loved at all but instead had continually angered him that had led me and
had shown me the way that leads at last to the kingdom of grace; and because I
had grown unworthy to be taken to grace.
[April]
4-5. Went to God's table.
[37] It was told me that a courier was now come. I said
that it might be, that [all the rest is crossed out with the pen].
A tune was sung, and a line I remember of the hymn: Jesus
is my best of friends
Jesus
is my best of friends
Jesus
ar min wan then baste
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 12
It seemed to me that the
buds had burst, and were green.
[April] 5-6.
[38] Easter day was the 5th of April. On that day I went
to God's table. The temptation still continued principally after dinner till 6
o'clock, but nothing definite. It was a wretchedness as of final condemnation,
and as of being in hell. Still there was always the hope that the Holy Spirit
gave; and strength therein, as in Paul, Romans 5:5. The evil one had power
given him to make the innermost uneasy with various thoughts.
[39] At
Whitsuntide* after the Lord's supper, I was exceedingly happy, and yet
outwardly afflicted. The temptation came in the afternoon, in quite a different
way; but strong; for I was assured of having got my sins forgiven, and yet I
could by no means restrain my flying thoughts from venting a little, against my
better judgment; which was the work of the evil one, through permission.
Prayer, and also God's Word, calmed down these thoughts. Faith was there in
full, but trust and confidence and love seemed to be missing.
[40] I went to bed at 9:00 o'clock. The temptation
accompanied with trembling continued till 10:30. I then fell into a sleep in
which the whole of my temptation was represented to me: how Erland Broman had
sought me in different ways, and endeavored to get me to take his side and to
belong to that party (luxury, riches, vanity); but he could not manage to win
me over. I grew more and more resolutely opposed, because he
*0dhner has corrected this
to read "Easter."
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 13
treated me with contempt.
[41] Afterwards I was in strife with a serpent, dark, grey, which lay down, and
was Broman's dog. I struck at it with a club many times, but could never hit it
on the head; it was in vain. It tried to bite me, but could not. I laid hold of
it by its open jaws: it could not bite me; nor could I do it much harm. At last
I got it by the jowl and squeezed it hard; also the nose, which I squeezed
until poison squirted out. I said that though the dog was not mine, yet as he
had wished to bite' me, I must correct him. Thereupon he seemed to say that he
could not get me to say a word to him; I quarreled then with him. When I
wakened, the words I was saying were: "Hold your tongue."
[42] From this it is easy to see without further
explanation how the temptation was; and how great God's grace was on the other
side, through the merits of Christ and the working of the Holy Spirit; to whom
be honor and glory from eternity to eternity. The thought struck me instantly,
how great the Lord's grace is, which accounts it to us as if we had stood
against temptation, and attributes it to us as our own; when yet it is only
God's grace and working; is his and nowise ours and he overlooks all our
weakness in the combat, manifold as it has surely been. And moreover what great
glory our Lord gives after a little time of adversity.
[43] Afterwards I
slept, and it seemed to me that the whole night in various ways I was first brought
into association with others, through the sinfulness that existed. Afterwards,
that I was bandaged and wrapped in wonderful and indescribable courses of
circles; showing that during the whole night I was inaugurated in a wonderful
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 14
manner. And then it was
said, "Can any Jacobite be more than honest?" So at last I was
received with an embrace. Afterwards it was said that he ought by no means to
be called so, or in the way just named; but in some way which I have no recollection
of, if it were not Jacobite. This I can by no means explain: it was a mystical
series.
[44] Afterwards I wakened and slept again many
times, and all was in answer to my thoughts, yet in such wise that there was
such a life and such a glory in all that I can give no account of it in the
least; for it was all heavenly; clear for me at the time; but afterwards I can
explain nothing of it. In a word, I was in heaven and heard speech that no
human tongue with the life in it can utter; nor the glory and innermost delight
in the train of the speech.
Except this I was
in a waking state, as in a heavenly ecstasy, which also is indescribable.
[45] At 9:00
o'clock I lay down in bed, and got up between 9:00 and 10:00 in the morning,
having been in bed between twelve and thirteen hours. To the Highest be
thanksgiving, honor, praise! Hallowed be his name: Holy, holy, Lord God of
Sabaoth!
[46] How I learned by actual proof the meaning of the injunction
not to love the angels better than God; a proof which had nearly spoiled the
whole work. But in regard to our Lord, no account ought to be taken of any
angel; but in regard to their help, where love is concerned, it is a far lower
case.
[47] I found in
myself like beams of light that it was
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 15
the greatest happiness to
be a martyr in regard to the indescribable grace connected with love to God,
which causes the subject of it to wish to endure this torment, which is nothing
in comparison with the everlasting; and makes it the least of things to offer
up one's life.
[48] Had also in my mind and my body a kind of
consciousness of an indescribable bliss, so that if it had been in a higher
degree, the body would have been as it were dissolved in mere bliss. This was
the night between Easter Sunday and Easter Monday; also the whole of Easter
Monday.
April 6-7. N.B.N.B.N.B.
[49] In the
evening I came into another sort of temptation, namely, between eight and nine
o'clock in the evening when I read God's miracles performed through Moses, it
seemed to me that somewhat of my understanding mixed itself therein; so that I
could never have the strong faith that I ought to have. I believed and did not
believe; thought that therefore the angels and God showed themselves to
shepherds, but never to the philosopher that lets his understanding take part
in the matter. The understanding, for instance, is always bent to ask why he
used the wind when he called the locusts together? why he hardened Pharaoh's
heart? why he did not do all at once? with more of the like. In my mind I did
indeed smile at this, but yet did it so much, that faith was by no means
steady.
[50] I looked at
the fire, and said to myself: Thus I ought also not to believe that the fire
exists, and [ought to believe] that the outward
EMANUEL
SWEDENBOR’S 16
Senses are more fallacious
than what God himself says, which is very truth; I ought rather to believe this
than myself. In thoughts like those and
many more I passed the first hour or hour and a half, and in my mind smiled at
the temper. It is to be noted, that the
same day I went to Delft, and the whole day had the grace to be in deep
spiritual thoughts, so deep and lovely as I had never been in before and this,
the whole day; which was the work of the spirit which I then found with me.
[51] At ten
o’clock I went to bed and was somewhat better.
Half an hour after I heard a noise under my head. I thought that the tempter was then going
away. Straightway there came over me a
shuddering, so strong from the head downwards and over the whole body, with a
noise of thunder, and this happened several times. I found that something holy was upon me; [52] I
then fell into a sleep, and at about 12:00, 1:00 or 2:00 in the night, there
came over me a strong shuddering from head to foot, with a thundering noise as
if many winds beat together; which shook me; it was indescribable and
prostrated me on my face. Then, at the
time I was prostrated at that very moment I was wide awake, and saw that I was
cast down. [53] Wondered what it meant. And I spoke as if I were awake; but found
nevertheless that the words were put into my mouth. “And oh!’
Almighty Jesus Christ, that thou of thy so great mercy, deignest to come
to so great a sinner. Make me worthy of
thy grace.” I held together my hands and
prayed, and then came forth a hand, which squeezed my hands hard. [54]
Straightway thereupon I continues my prayer and said, ‘Thou hast
promised to take to grace all
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 17
ners; thou canst nothing
else than keep thy word.” At that same
moment I sat in his bosom, and saw him face to face; it was a face of holy
mien, and in all it was in describable, and he smiled so that I believe that
his face had indeed been like this when he lived on earth. He spoke to me and asked if I had a clear
bill of health. I answered, “Lord, thou
knowest better than I.” “Well, so
do,” said he; that is , as I found it in
my mind to signify; love me in reality; or do what thou hast promised. God give me grace thereto; I found that it
was not in my power. Wakened, with
shudderings. [55] Fell again into such a state that I was in
thoughts neither sleeping, nor waking.
Thought, What can this be? Is it
Christ, God’s son, I have seen? But it
is sin that I doubt thereof. But as it
is commanded that we shall prove the spirits, so I thought it all over and
found from what had passed on the previous night that I was purified and
enwrapped and protected through the whole night by the Holy Spirit, and in this
way prepared hereto; as also that fell on my face, and the words I spoke; and
the prayer, that came by no means from myself, but the word was placed in God’s
own son, who came down with this thunder, and prostrated me to the ground from
himself, and made the prayer, and so , said I , it was Jesus himself. [56] I
asked for grace, for having so long doubted of this, and also for having let it
come into my thoughts to ask for a miracle, which I found was unbecoming. Thereupon I fell to prayer and asked only for
grace. More than this I did not utter,
yet afterwards I entreated and prayed to have love, which is
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG’S 18
Jesus
Christ’s work, and none of mine.
Meantime, shudderings often went over me.
[57]
Afterwards about daybreak I fell again into a sleep, and then it was
chiefly in my thoughts how Christ unites himself to mankind. Holy thoughts came; but they were such that
they are quite unsearchable. I cannot in
the least convey to the pen what passed; for I only know that I was in such
thoughts.
[58]
Afterwards I saw my father, in a different costume from that he used to
wear, nearly of a red color; he called me to him, and took me by the arms,
where I had half sleeves with cuffs or ruffles in front. He pulled both ruffles forwards, and tied
them with my strings. My having
ruffles signifies that I am not of the priestly order, but am, and ought to be,
a civil servant. Afterwards he asked
me how I like the question, that a king has given leave to about 30 persons who
were in holy orders to marry, and thus change their estate. I answered that I had thought and written
something about such a matter, but it has no relation thereto. [59]
Instantly thereupon I found [it in me] to answer, according to my
conscience, that no one whatsoever should be permitted to alter the estate to
which he has devoted himself. He said
that he was of the same opinion. Bit I
said, if the king has resolved, the thing is settled. He said he should deliver in his vote in
writing. If there are 50 [votes] the
matter will be settled accordingly. I
observed it as a remarkable fact that I never called him my father, but my
brother; thought afterwards how this was:
it seemed to me that my father was dead and this that is my father, must
thus be my brother
JOURNAL OF DREAMS 19
[60]
To forget nothing, it came also into the thoughts, that the Holy Spirit
would show me to Jesus, and present me to him, as a work that he had so
prepared; and that I out by no means to attribute anything to myself; but that
all is his; although he of grace, imputes to us the same.
So I sang the hymn I
then selected:
Jesus ar min
wan then baste, n. 245
[Jesus is my
best friends.]
[61]
I have now learned this in spiritual [things], that there is nothing for
it but to humble oneself and to desire nothing else, and this with all
humility, than the grace of Christ. I
attempted of my own to get love, but this is arrogant; for when one has God’s grace,
one leaves oneself to Christ’s good pleasure, and does according to his good
pleasure. One is happiest when one is in
God’s grace. I was obliged with humblest
prayers to beg for forgiveness before my conscience could be pacified; for I
was still in temptation until this was done.
The Holy Spirit taught me this; but I , with my foolish understanding,
left out humility, which is the foundation of all.
The night between [April] 7th
and 8th
[62]
Throughout the whole night I was going down deep , stairs after stairs,
and through various places, but quite safely and securely, as if there were no
danger in the depth; and then there came to me in the dream this
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG'S 20
verse:
that neither the deep, nor anything else anymore…
[63] Afterwards it seemed I was with a number of others
dining with a priest. I paid about a louis d'or for my dinner; more in fact
than I ought. But as I was on the way therefrom, I had with me two silver cups
I had taken away from the table. This pained me, and I endeavored to send them
back, and it seemed that I had the means of doing so. This means, I believe,
that I, in the temptation, had paid my part (it was God's grace) and even more
than I ought (God's grace); but that thereby I learned much about spiritual
things; which is meant by the silver cups which I wished to send back to the
priest; that is to say, to the glory of God I would again give to the church
universal in some manner; as it seems to me indeed may be the case.
[64] Afterwards I went in a considerable company to a second
priest, where it seemed I had been before.
When we alighted, it seemed there were so many of us that we should
incommode the priest. Thought nothing of our being so many, and of the priest
being troubled. This signified that I
had many unruly thoughts where I ought not to have them; thoughts that I could
never control. The people also that I had before seen resembled Poles, hussars,
that are marauders. But it seemed that they went away.
[65] 1 was also in this temptation, that thoughts invaded me
which I should never be able to control; yea, so hard that I was withheld from
all other thought; only to give them free rein for once, to go against the
power of the spirit, which leads in another direction; so hard,
JOURNAL OF DREAMS 21
that if
God's grace had not been the stronger, I should surely have fallen therein, or
gone mad. Meantime I could by no means get my thoughts to contemplate the
Christ that I had seen for that short moment. The movement and. the power of
the spirit came to me, and I felt that I would rather go mad. Hereby was
signified my relation to the second priest. [66] I can compare it to two scales of a balance,
in the one of which is our own will and vehement nature; in the other, God's
power, which our Lord so places in temptation that he sometimes lets it come to
an equilibrium, but so soon as ever it will weigh down one side, he helps it
up. So I have found it, to speak after a natural manner. From this it follows
that our power that presses down that scale is little, and that it rather
opposes than assists the power of the spirit; and thus it is only our Lord's
work, which he disposes.
[67] Then I found that various matters in my thoughts were
brought forward that had been put into them long before; and so I found by
this example the truth of God's Word, that there is not the smallest word
or thought that God does not know; and if we do not obtain God's grace, we
are answerable therefore.
[68] This have I learned, that the one only thing in this
state (I know not of any other) is, with humility to thank God for his grace,
and to pray for it; and for us to regard our own unworthiness and God's
infinite grace.
[69] It was wonderful that I could have two thoughts, quite
separate, at one and the same time; one for myself, who was occupied entirely
by other thoughts, and with al the thoughts of the temptation, in such wise
that
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG’S 22
nothing
was available to drive it away; it held me so captive that I did not know whither
to fly, for 1 bore it with me.
[70] Moreover after
this again, when particular matters I had long before thought and rooted in my
mind came up before me, it was as if it was said to me that I should find
reasons to excuse myself; which also was a great temptation; or to attribute to
myself the good I had done, or more properly, that had happened through me. But
God's spirit prevented this also and inspired me H to find it otherwise.
[71] This
temptation was stronger than the former, inasmuch as it went to the
innermost, and on the other I side I had stronger proof of the spirit; for I
sometimes burst out into a sweat. That which was suggested was not at all as if
it would condemn me more, for I had the strong assurance that this was forgiven
me: but it was that I should excuse myself, and make myself free. I burst frequently into tears, not from
sorrow, but from inward rejoicing that our Lord had chosen to show so unworthy
a sinner such great grace; for I found from it all that this was the sum; that
the only thing is to cast oneself with humility into our Lord's grace, to find
one's own unworthiness, and thank God in humility for his grace: for if any
glorification is in it, which makes for one's own honor, be it glorification of
God's grace or whatever else, it is to this extent impure.
[72] When, as was
often the case, I was in my thoughts about these very subjects, and anyone
accounted me as a holy man and on this account offered me dignity as indeed it
happens among certain simple '
JOURNAL OF DREAMS 23
people
that they not only venerate but even adore some supposedly holy man as a saint
I then found that in the earnestness which then possessed me, I desired to do
him all the I could to the highest degree, in order that nothing at all of the
sin should stick to him, and that with earnest prayers I ought to appease our
Lord. in order that I might never have any part of so damning a sin to stick to
me. |73] For Christ, in whom all the Godhead is perfect, ought alone to be
prayed to; for he takes the greatest sinners to grace and regards as nothing
our unworthiness; how can we therefore address ourselves in prayer to other
than to him? He is almighty and the only mediator, which he does for other's
sake; the holy are made such: it is his work, and not ours, that we should . .
. [The three last words are crossed out. Editor]
[74| 1 found myself more unworthy than others and the
greatest of sinners, as our Lord has permitted me to go deeper into certain
things with my thoughts than many other people; and the very fountain of sin
lies there, in the thoughts, which are carried out in action; which in this
way causes my sins to have come from a deeper ground than many other people's.
Therein I found my own unworthiness, and my sins greater than other men's. For
it is not enough to make oneself out to be unworthy, which may consist of
something from which the heart is far away, and may be a counterfeit: but to
find out the fact that one is unworthy belongs to the grace of the spirit.
[75] Now while 1 was in the spirit, I thought and sought how
I might by my thoughts attain the knowl-
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG'S 24
edge of
how to avoid all that was impure; still I marked, notwithstanding, that the
impure, on all occasions, put itself forward. I found that it was dwelt upon in
thought from the point of view of self love. For instance, if any person did
not regard me according to the estimate of my own imagination, I discovered
that I always thought to myself, "Ah! if you only knew what grace I have,
you would act otherwise." This was at once impure, and had self love for
its basis. At last I found this out, and prayed to God for his forgiveness. And
then I asked that others might enjoy the same grace; which perhaps they had. or
do receive. Thus I could here clearly observe in myself one more of the horrible
apples still remaining, entirely unconverted, which are the root of Adam,
and original sin. Nay, and endless other roots of sin belong to me besides.
[76] I heard a person sitting at table propose to his
neighbor the question whether anybody could be melancholy who had a
superabundance of money. I laughed in my own mind, and I felt inclined to
answer, if it had been right to do so in that company or if the question had
been put to me, that a person who has all means in excess is not only subject
to melancholy but to melancholy in a higher place, in the state of the mind and
the soul, or the spirit which operates therein. Wondered that he raised such a
question. [77] I can the better testify of this, as by God's grace I have
received as my portion a superabundance of all I want in worldly means, can
live in plenty on my annual income, and carry out the plans I have in my mind;
and put by something after all. I can thus bear my testimony that the misery
and the
JOURNAL OF DREAMS 25
melancholy
which arise from lack of life's necessities are low in degree and bodily in
pressure, but are by no means so bad as the other kind. But as the power of the
Spirit is in the one, the other knows nothing of this. for it may seem as if
the former were strong so far as the body is concerned; but into this I do not
enter.
[ The last sentence from "But as" is crossed out
with a thick stroke, made immediately after it was written.]
[78] Saw a bookseller's shop. Thought immediately that my
works would do more than other people's. But then it struck me at once that one
is servant to another, and our Lord has among his means a thousand issues for
preparing one man; and thus every hook ought to be left to its own value, as a
means near or remote according to the state of each man's reason. Still, pride,
arrogance will push forth; may God control it, who has the power in his hands.
[79] Had so much of the Lord's grace that when I would
determine to keep my thoughts in purity I found I had an inward joy, but still
a torment in the body, which could not at all bear the heavenly joy of the
soul: for I left myself most humbly in God's grace, to do with me according to
his pleasure. God grant me humility, that I may see my own weakness,
uncleanness. and unworthiness.
[On the 29th page only 20 lines are written, and these are
entirely covered with strokes of ink. The following paragraph has been made out
with considerable trouble. but portions of it can only be regarded as approximations
in the way of guesses.
[80] During all this time I was in society as usual and
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 26
no one could in the least
[observe in me any change] ; this was of God's grace; but I knew what the case
was, not daring to say that so high grace had been vouchsafed me; for I found
that it would conduce to no end, but for people to think about me in one way or
another, for or against, each person in his own way. I found that it could do
no good were I to mention in private society, for the alleged glorification of
God's grace, that which might redound to my amour propre.
[81] I found no better comparison for myself than when a
peasant is raised to power as a chief or king and can command all that his
heart desired; but who yet had something in him that caused him to wish to
learn that of which he himself knew nothing. And from the comparison one
discovers that it is ... thy gracious hand that causes the great joy. Yet was I
sorrowing to think that man can by no means place himself within that
grace
[April]
8-9
[82] It seemed that I had on my knee a dog, and I
wondered that it could speak and ask about its former master, Swabe: it was
blackish, and it kissed me. Wakened, and cried out for Christ's mercy on the
great pride I cherish and the self-flattering it induces. Afterwards I thought
that it was my fast day, which had been the day before, and that many things
had been packed up for the army.
[83] Afterwards a
young woman in dark clothes came in, and told me that I ought to go to ...
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 27
Then there came at my back
one that held me so fast, the whole back with the hand and all, that I could
not move. I besought one that was beside me for help, and he helped her away;
but I had no power to move the arm myself. This was the temptation of the
previous day and signifies that I am by no means capable of doing any good
thing of myself. Afterwards a whistling was heard as he went away, and I
shuddered.
[84] Afterwards I saw in St. Peter's Church a person that
went into the chamber underneath where Peter lies. and he was carried out, and
it was said that somebody is still lurking there.
It seemed that I
was free to go in and out. God lead me.
[85] Afterwards I
saw all that was unclean, and recognized myself as unclean, unclean with filth,
from head to foot. Cried "Mercy of Jesus Christ."
[A phrase in the
Swedish Common Prayer Book, the beginning of the Confession.]
So the thought [of
the words] "I, poor sinful man," was brought before me; which I also
read the following day.
April
9-10.
[86] The whole day, the ninth, I was in prayer, songs of
praise, in reading God's Word, and fasting; except in the morning, when I was
somewhat employed in other matters, until this same temptation came, that I was
as it were compelled to think that which I would not.
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 28
[87] This night as I was sleeping quite tranquilly,
between 3:00 and 4:00 o'clock in the morning, I wakened and lay awake but as in
a vision; I could look up and be awake, when I chose, and so I was not
otherwise than waking: yet in the spirit there was an inward and sensible
gladness shed over the whole body: seemed as if it were shown in a consummate
manner how it all issued and ended. It flew up, in a manner, and hid itself in
an infinitude, as a center. There was love itself. And it seems as though it
extended around there from, and then down again; thus, by an incomprehensible
circle, from the center, which was love, around, and so thither again.
88] This love, in a mortal
body, whereof I then was full, was like the joy that a chaste man has at the
very time when he is in actual love and in the very act with his mate; such
extreme pleasantness was suffused over the whole of my body. and this for a
long time, lasting all the interval of waking, especially just before I went
off to sleep, and after sleep, half an hour or an hour. Now while I was in the
spirit, and still awake for I could open my eyes, and be awake, and then again
enter the state, I saw and observed that the inward and actual joy came from
this source, and that in so far as any one could be therein, so much cheer has
he; and so soon as any one comes into another love that does not concentrate
itself thither, so soon he is out of the way; [89] 318 for instance when he
came into any love for himself-to any that did not center there-then he was
outside of the way. There came a little chill over me and a sort of slight
shiver as if it tortured me. From this I found from what my troubles had
sometimes arisen, and then I
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 29
found whence the great
anguish comes when the spirit afflicts a man; and that it, at last, ends in
everlasting torment and has hell for its portion, when a man unworthily
partakes of Christ in the Holy Supper; for it is the Spirit that torments the
man for his unworthiness. [90] In the same condition in which I was, I came yet
deeper into the spirit, and although I was awake, I could by no means govern
myself, but there came a kind of over mastering tendency to throw myself upon
my face, to clasp my hands, and to pray as before; to pray for my unworthiness,
and with the deepest humility and reverence to pray for grace; that I, as the
greatest of sinners, might have the forgiveness of sins. Then also I observed
that I was in the same state as the night before last; but could tell nothing
further, because I was awake,
[91 ] At this I wondered; and so it was shown me in the
spirit that man in this state is as a man with his feet upwards and his head
downwards. And it came before me why Moses had to put off his shoes when he was
to go to the holy place, and why Christ washed the apostles' feet, and answered
Peter that when the feet are washed all is done. Afterwards in the spirit I
found that that which goes out from the very center, which is love, is the Holy
Spirit, which is represented by water: for it is called water or wave.
[92] In fine, when a man is in the condition of having no
love that centers in himself but that centers only in the general or public
good, which represents here on earth in the moral world the love in the
spiritual world, and this not at all for his own sake or society's sake but for
Christ's sake, in whom love is and center is, then is
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 30
|
man in the right state.
Christ is ultimate end, the other ends are mediate ends: they lead direct to
the ultimate end.
[93] Afterwards I fell into sleep, and saw one of my
acquaintances at a table; he saluted me, but I did not observe it at once or
return his salutation; he was angry and gave me some hard words. I tried to
excuse myself, and at last I said I was liable to be buried in thought and not
to observe it when any one saluted me, so that sometimes I passed my friends in
the street without seeing them. I appealed in confirmation of this to another
acquaintance who was present, and he said it was so: and I said that no one
wished to be (God grant this may be so) more polite and humble than I. This
dream happened on account of the former night when I was in other thoughts than
I ought to have entertained, and it showed that our Lord in infinite mercy is
willing to excuse me. But my friend made no reply thereto: however he seemed to
be convinced, as I believed.
[April]
10-11
[94] Came into a low room where there were many people:
saw however only one woman, was in black, but not evil; she walked a long way
into a bedroom, but I would not go with her. She waved to me at the door.
Afterwards I went out and found myself detained several times by a specter
which held me all down the back. At last it disappeared. |95] and I came out. Came
a foul specter which did the same thing: it was a foul old man. At last I got
away from them. It was my thoughts that
JOURNAL
OF DREAMS 31
I had had the day before
when I regarded myself as all too unworthy and thought that in my lifetime I
should never surmount this state; but yet consoled myself with the thought that
God is mighty in all things, and that his power does it; yet still there was
something in me that caused me not to submit myself as I ought to God's grace,
to do with me according to his good pleasure.
[96] When I came out, I saw a great many people sitting
in a gallery, and lo! a mighty stream of water came down through the roof; it
was so mighty that it broke through all that it met. There were some that
barred the opening or hole. Some also that went aside so that the water should
not hit them. Some that dissipated it into drops. Some that diverted its course
so that it turned away from the stand. This. I suppose, was the power of the
Holy Spirit that flowed into the body and the thoughts, and which in part I
impeded; in part I went out of its way; in part. I slanted it from me. For
the people I saw represent my thoughts and will.
[97] Afterwards I came out of this and was enabled in my
thoughts in a certain way to measure and divide into parts that which went from
center to circumference. It seemed to be heaven; for there was afterwards a
heavenly brightness. I can indeed have my thoughts about this; but as yet I
dare not be too confident: because it concerns something that is to happen.
[98] While I was
in the first struggle of this trial. I cried to Jesus for help. and it went
away. I also held my hands together under my head, and in this manner it did
not return the second time. Yet when I awoke. I had shiverings and I heard time
after time a heavy muffled
EMANUEL SWEDENBORG'S 32
sound,
but did not know whence it came.
[99] Afterwards, when I was awake, I wondered to myself
whether this might not be phantasm. Then I observed that my faith faltered; but
I prayed with clasped hands that I might be strengthened in the faith, and this
immediately took place. My own worthiness in comparison with others also came
into my head; prayed as before; and the thought of it disappeared at once. So
that if our Lord takes his hand from one in the very least, one is out of the
right way, and the true faith, as it was with me, according to this very
palpable showing.
[100] I slept about
eleven hours this night, and all the morning was in my usual state of inward
joy; yet there was a pang with it. This I supposed to arise from the power of
the spirit and my own unworthiness. At last by God's assistance I attained to
the thought that man ought to be satisfied with all that the Lord pleases, for
it is his; and that man does not at all resist the spirit when he obtains from
God the assurance that it is God's grace as it works for our good; for as we
are his, so we must be content with what it pleases him to do with that which
is his. For this however man ought to pray to our Lord, for it does not in the
very least come within our own power.
[101] He then gave me
his grace to this end: I passed a little inwards with my thoughts, and wanted
to understand wherefore it happened so; which was a sin. The thoughts had no
right there; but I ought to pray our Lord for ability to govern them. It is
enough that he so pleases. But in everything one ought to call upon, to pray
to, and to thank him; and with humility to ac-
JOURNAL OF DREAMS 33
knowledge
our own unworthiness.
[102] Still I am weak in body and in thought, for I know of
nothing but my own unworthiness and that I am a miserable creature, which
torments me. And by this I see how unworthy I am of the grace that has been
granted me.
[103] Observed also
that the stream, as it fell down. pierced through the clothes of a person who
was sitting there as he was stepping out of the way. Perhaps a drop has fallen
upon me, and presses hard; what would it be if the whole stream came. For I
adopted the motto:
God's will be done: I am thine and
not mine [struck out]. God gives grace t hereto:
this is by no means mine.
[104] I
discovered that a man may be in spiritual agony although he is assured by the
spirit that he has obtained the forgiveness of sins; and has the hope and the
assurance of being in God's grace. This may [the two last words are crossed
out].
[April]
11-12
[105] I was dreaming the whole night, though only
the smallest fraction of it comes to mind. It was as if I was being taught all
night in many things of which I have no recollection. I was asleep about eleven
hours. So far as I can recall it, I think (1) it was the said substantials or
essentials which a man ought to study and investigate. (2) It was told me also
of the thymus and renal gland [of which he was then writing in Regnum
Animale] that as the thymus separates the impure serum
EMANUEL
SWEDENBORG'S 34
from the blood, and the
renal gland carries it back into the blood after it has been purified, so it
also happens in us. as I believe, spiritually.
[106] (3) It seems that I saw my sister Caisa, who did something somewhat amiss and afterwards lay down and cried out. When our mother came she assumed a totally different mien and a different speech, the signification of which shall be given hereafter. [107] (4) There was a priest who preached to a great congregation. and at the end spoke against another person, but whether lie was named or not I do not know. But then one stepped up and talked against him and said that it ought not